Bleach Fan Fiction ❯ Different Circumstances ❯ The Friend ( Chapter 19 )

Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine.

 

The Friend

 

Paying little attention to our destination, I followed my Captain who walking in his normal determined manner. I expected he would lead me back to our Division. Work did not really appeal, but it would be something to do, if I could concentrate for more than a few minutes on anything. My Captain stopped suddenly and I almost tripped as I tried not to fall over him.

 

“Matsumoto, we are not going back to our Division immediately. We have to visit 4th Division to talk to Momo, but before we do, I want to ask your advice.”

 

I was puzzled. Toshiro wanted to ask my advice? He did that rarely, but the times he did, he always listened carefully to anything I said. This time I felt this would not be a matter of strategy, but something more. “My Captain, of course I would be happy to advise you. You only need to ask and I will help.”

 

“Except with paperwork. I don't want to talk about this here. Let's have some tea,” he led the way to a small, quiet tea house and we sat down, facing each other, far removed from the other seats which were empty. “I don't need to ask you to keep this confidential, because I am sure you will, but I would ask you keep your voice down as I do not wish to be overheard, even if it appears there is no one within earshot. I would have asked you this before, but you were busy with Captain Zaraki and your honeymoon.” The stress he put on the word honeymoon sounded slightly satirical and I did not let it pass without comment.

 

“The honeymoon is over now my husband has left,” I said quietly allowing the sadness I was feeling to sharpen my words. It was only a short time but I missed him so much. When would I feel his arms embrace me once more?

 

He bit his lip, seemingly shamed by my comment. After a pause, while the tea was served with some sweet buns, he said, “I heard a rumour and you don't have to confirm it if you don't want to. I wanted to ask you this before, but you were too upset. Did Aizen rape you?”

 

I was sipping my tea and nearly choked when Toshiro asked the question. The rumours had spread as I dreaded and now I would have to endure the pity. “Yes.”

 

“You should have told me. I want to kill that bastard, but not as much as your husband does. If you had told me I could have done something,” his eyes were hard as they gazed at me.

 

“You wouldn't have believed me,” I was sure of this. It was easy to believe anything of Aizen now he was disclosed as being a traitor. I sipped my tea to ease the dryness in my throat and absently took a bun and pretended to concentrate on eating it, after one bite I did not have to pretend. I was hungry.

 

“I would. We've known each other long enough for me to know when you're lying. You didn't have to live through that hell by yourself,” he touched my hand reassuringly.

 

I couldn't believe he'd done that. Toshiro didn't like me to touch him, but I guessed it was his attempt to console me. “Please, let's not talk about this. It's in the past and I don't want to think about it anymore,” I felt tears beginning to well in my eyes as I took another bun but steeled myself against them. I was not going to cry.

 

Toshiro nodded understandingly. “If you want, we can talk about it later.”

 

I swallowed some more tea, noting from the fragrance that it was a blend we had enjoyed together many times. Toshiro might seem cold to many people, but I knew he had a softer side and a need for friendship.

 

Unthinkingly he took a bun and took a bite, chewing mechanically and then coughed a little, speaking very quietly. “I have delayed this until you were available. I wish to inform Momo of her pregnancy and I want you there to provide any consolation she requires. I am unsure how she will take the news, and she has seemed rather confused when I've talked to her since she regained consciousness.”

 

I nodded slowly. Toshiro had planned to tell Momo of her condition as soon as we returned from the human world, but life, and Zaraki, had interfered with those plans. She should be told so she could make any decisions necessary, but I did have one question. “Don't you think we should wait until Captain Unohana returns? She would be able to give the best advice if Momo reacts badly and she has been treating Momo all this time.”

 

Toshiro shook his head with determination. “No, I don't want to postpone this any longer. Momo should know; it's only fair to her. How should I tell her?” He seemed concerned, angry and slightly anxious which struck me as odd. I remembered that the Captain-General had mentioned there seemed to be something wrong with Toshiro and wondered briefly if this was the cause.

 

Gazing into my cup I thought about it. “Do you want me to tell her? I'll be as gentle as I can and as we are friends and she told me about the encounter with Aizen, it might be more reassuring.”

 

There was a pause and then my Captain sighed. “That would make my life easier, but I think I should tell her. Should I be blunt, or slowly introduce the information? I'm not sure.”

 

I wasn't sure either. I had not talked to Momo since she had regained consciousness, so I did not know her state of mind. From the information Toshiro had given, it seemed she was still delusional and thoroughly fixated on Aizen. “Don't be too blunt, work up to it slowly and try to make it so that the truth will become apparent gradually. We might need lots of tissues and a sedative for when she realises the truth.”

 

Nodding, Toshiro seemed to be steeling himself to ask me something further. “Yes, I agree. Now please think about your answer to the next question carefully, as I value your advice. Do you think I should ask Momo to marry me?”

 

I stifled the startled gasp that rose to my lips and I had trouble believing he had asked me that question. What was he thinking? I knew that Captain Hitsugaya was friends with Momo, but I had never suspected his feelings were that deep. For a time I'd thought he had an unrealistic adoration of the girl, but that had faded over time. While we were in the human world I had adjusted my thoughts to accept that he felt a very deep friendship for the girl, nothing more. “Before I answer that question you must tell me: do you love her?”

 

He flushed slightly at my question and said, “She's my friend.” The answer sounded very defensive and he refused to look at me.

 

I felt that he was avoiding a straight answer and gave a stupid response, hoping he would be shocked into providing an honest answer. “She's my friend too, but I'm not offering to marry her,” I burst out.

 

“Of course you're not. You are married already to a man you tell me you love and you're female. Why would you offer to marry her?” Toshiro seemed disconcerted by my response but he had not answered the way I'd hoped.

 

His words reminded me that Zaraki had left me that morning. If Zaraki had heard my last comment he would have teased me about my strange ideas and then we would have had sex; good, prolonged sex with lots of touching and kissing. I felt a lump form in my throat as his absence became real. Why had he refused to let me accompany him? My heart had lifted when he told me how precious I was to him, but they were just words. I wanted him, not words. Damn it, why did he ignore the fact I was a lieutenant and an experienced fighter? If I was with him I was sure the Captain-General would let me go to Las Noches.

 

I shook my head, trying to free my mind of the sad thoughts. “What I am trying to say is that you should not offer marriage out of friendship alone. If you love Momo as more than a friend, then make the offer, but I think it would be a bad idea. She loves Aizen, or she did last time I talked with her, before he tried to kill her. Maybe that has changed.”

 

It was Toshiro's turn to shake his head. “No. She believes it was all a mistake. Her obsession has not decreased; in fact it seems to have become stronger. Nearly every statement she makes concerns Aizen. She did not seem worried about the attacks by the Arrancar in the human world and I have not mentioned your abduction by Ichimaru. I feared it would affect her badly.”

 

I nodded slowly. That comment aroused many concerns in my mind, but I did not want to address them and instead tried to advise him as best I could while being brutally frank. “You'll be offering to marry her, even though she's pregnant with Aizen's child and madly in love with the guy? Excuse me, Captain, but I think that's the most idiotic idea you've had for a long time. Even if she agreed, which she won't, neither of you would be happy. I don't know why, but I've felt that you've lost your romantic attachment to Momo and see her only as a friend. It's almost as if your interest has been drawn to someone else. If you want my advice: tell her about her pregnancy, offer her support and pacify her if you need to, but don't offer to marry her. It's a noble idea, but marriage without love on both sides is not a marriage. It's a convenient arrangement,” I faltered listening to the last comment I made and almost gagged at the opinion I had uttered. Hell; now I sounded like something from a romance novel. Was I really becoming that cloyingly sentimental?

 

“But how do you know it is love? When did you know that you loved Captain Zaraki? What do you love about your husband?” My Captain asked his curiosity evident. I had never expected to have this conversation with him, or anyone. Why was this happening? “It might just be good sex.”

 

That last comment made me speechless. Good sex? What had happened to my Captain? There were nuances to his words that had not been there previously which were revealed by that last comment and he seemed very interested in my answer. He'd never mentioned good sex to me before, preferring to refrain from discussing that subject or becoming embarrassed whenever I mentioned it. Now he was raising the matter. As I tried to think of how I should respond, I realised I had never tried to analyse why I loved Zaraki, or how. Stumbling over the thoughts and words I tried to explain. “It started as just good sex, really good sex and good sex is part of it, at least I think so. I would not have married Captain Zaraki if he was a bad lover, but I don't know why I love him; I just do and I won't question it. I know it is love because he makes my heart feel like…. It's no good. I can't explain it. I know I love him just like I know that we are friends and the sun will rise tomorrow. Don't ask me to quantify it.”

 

Toshiro's face underwent a strange change. It darkened and then brightened but then fell again.

 

“Captain, do you feel like that about someone…”

 

“I think we should go and tell Momo her news as soon as possible. Maybe we should ask Iemura or Hisagi to be nearby in case she needs a sedative,” he said distractedly and then I saw his face flush.

 

“Hisagi? Why would Hisagi know anything about 4th Division? He has little to do with the workings of that division; he has his own to take care of. I think you mean Hanatoro, but I don't know why you would mix those two up. There names are not even similar and they look nothing alike. Maybe you've been working too hard while I've been absent, my Captain. I will try to help you catch up. I have nothing to distract me now, except my thoughts.” My thoughts immediately summoned visions of Zaraki and for a few seconds I felt my eyes glaze over as I thought longingly of my husband. I hoped I didn't start drooling.

 

“I thought you said you had nothing to distract you, yet you already seem distracted, Matsumoto,” my Captain teased.

 

I blinked and smiled slightly. “Sorry Captain. I know you're not happy about our marriage and you'd prefer it if I forgot him.”

 

“But you're wrong, Lieutenant. I am happy for you, both of you. I only said that to annoy Zaraki who was listening, because it's fun to watch his reactions. I know how difficult it was when you insisted you wanted to stay in Division 10 when your husband demanded you were moved. I doubted your affection for each other at first but now I can't. When you were abducted, Zaraki became totally obsessed with retrieving you and tried to leave when he woke, even though he was still drugged. He almost rampaged through the Seireitei, destroying buildings and trying to fight Captain Yamamoto. He recovered from the drugs quickly, but I think his fury may have helped him burn the drug out of his system. Captain Unohana had to do some quick work on Yachiru which helped calm him down a little. We knew he was going to rescue you no matter what or who stood in his way. The way he spoke about you moved me. I know he enjoys having sex with you, that's evident, even if he doesn't say anything about it, and Ikkaku has blabbed about what he overheard in Soul Society, but there's more there. I wondered what was happening when the Captain-General took Zaraki for a walk, showed him the way to get to the Arrancar stronghold and mentioned that your abduction should have no effect on the planned mission. He expressly forbade Zaraki from using the passageway until it was ready but your husband waited until the old man had gone and then got some people to stabilise the passageway, even though he had been told about the danger. Captain Unohana and Ikkaku and Yumichika offered to go with him. I stayed behind and tried to distract the old man from everything,” he stopped abruptly and looked down at his hands for a second and then looked at me guardedly. “How do you know it is love?”

 

He'd asked me that before, only minutes before, and I still did not know how to answer him. “I can't answer that, I told you before. I can only tell you that a look can break your heart or make it thrill with excitement. A touch can make you weak. A kiss can possess you. I don't know, Captain. I've never felt like this before. What I may have felt for Gin is nothing compared to this.” I swallowed hard, a lump forming in my throat.

 

“Then I don't love Momo,” he said as lightly as he could, trying to smile, but the smile died even before it was born.

 

“What is it Captain? There's something bothering you. At first I thought it was Momo, but it's more than that,” I kept my voice low and looked at him, closely gauging the reaction to my words. I saw him flinch slightly but he shook his head.

 

“It's nothing. I said something stupid to someone and it became personal and it's nothing. Too late to change anything,” I heard an element of pain in the words but his voice was strong and determined. My Captains' face changed and he looked suddenly older and sad.

 

“Tell me Captain. Let me help you. I'm not very good at explaining about love or with relationships, well until now, but maybe you need to tell someone.” I was worried at the change in Toshiro. He had always seemed so contained and aloof and now he looked, well, vulnerable.

 

Sighing, he shook his head again and closed his eyes, then leant his brow against his hand. “I can't talk about it with anyone. There's no point. It's over.”

 

I wondered and then plunged in saying whatever came into my mind. “Try talking to whoever it is. Apologise, give the person a chance to apologise, say you didn't mean what you said; tell the person you made a mistake. If it means that much, grovel. You can't let whatever it is tear you apart like this, Toshiro. If the person is reasonable, I'm sure he or she will listen.”

 

“Reasonable! No fucking way is she reasonable,” Toshiro raised his voice and it echoed around the deserted tea room. “I can't bloody apologise, I'm a Captain and she said some unforgivable things. It's better that it's over, I can concentrate on my work,” he laughed unconvincingly. “Don't mention this to anyone. Let's go. We need to talk to Momo and you have to be checked.”

 

A female. My Captain showed every sign of being infatuated with someone and my heart ached for him. I quickly ran through the possibilities in my mind, but no one seemed a possibility. Maybe he had fallen for Captain Unohana when he'd spent so much time visiting Momo, but that seemed unlikely. Retsu was reasonable, and he'd stated that the person was unreasonable. Rukia was going to marry Renji, so she was not a possibility, Isane was not his type, but I didn't know what his type was. There was no point in asking further questions because my Captain had that look on his face which meant he would be stubborn if I pressed him any further. I knew with a firm conviction it was not Soi Fong. I had blocked her clumsy approach to me, tried to forget it happened and then I fell in love with Zaraki some weeks after. She was at least one person I did not need to consider, as her interest was in women. I hadn't mentioned the approach to anyone; it was unimportant and I found the subject awkward.

 

We walked to 4th Division and I could feel my Captain's anxiety grow the nearer we approached. “I'm not looking forward to this. You're sure I shouldn't ask her to marry me?” His voice was very low as if he was afraid of being overheard.

 

“I'm positive,” I said firmly. “You're not suited and it would be a mistake you would both regret.”

 

Briefly we spoke to Hanatoro and he did a few tests on me before we went to Momo's room. Retsu had advised him on the medications that could be administered if she reacted badly. Smiling pleasantly he agreed to wait outside and only enter the room if he were needed. “Captain Unohana was very thorough in her explanations to me. She even asked Assistant Captain Hisagi to wait until she had finished providing the details, even though he insisted he had an urgent matter he needed to discuss with her. It must have been very important because they were locked in her office for nearly an hour.”

 

Toshiro coughed and suddenly seemed interested in the wall. Looking at him I noticed the tops of his ears were turning red. “What's that about,” I wondered. “What urgent business did Hisagi have with Retsu?” I sensed that Toshiro might know something, but now was not the time to probe further.

 

We walked to Momo's room. She was awake and sitting in a chair from which she smiled at both of us happily as we entered the room. “Ran, I haven't seen you for so long. No one would tell me what happened to you or why you didn't visit me. I wanted to talk to you.”

 

I shot a look at Toshiro who was rubbing his chin in that gesture I knew so well. He hadn't told her because he was fearful it might upset her, but I didn't see how it could. “I'm sorry, Momo. I've been on my honeymoon.”

 

Her gasp of surprise was louder than I expected. “Honeymoon? You got married? Who to? Tell me.”

 

“Captain Kenpachi Zaraki.” Those three words. Saying his name aloud made me miss him.

 

She shook her head vehemently her disbelief very evident. “That can't be right, Ran. Stop teasing me. No one would marry Captain Zaraki. He's not very …um, nice and besides you don't know him. Who did you really marry?” Momo looked at me excitedly.

 

“I told you. I married Captain Kenpachi Zaraki,” I was irritated at her inability to believe me. Why did people react like this?

 

Momo turned her attention to Toshiro. “Tell me the truth, Toshiro. Did Ran really get married or is she making bad jokes again?”

 

“I assure you, Momo that she is telling the truth. My Lieutenant is now the wife of Captain Kenpachi Zaraki. I was at the wedding.” Toshiro spoke very clearly.

 

“No, no. You can't be married to him. When Captain Aizen comes back I'm marrying him and you're marrying Captain Gin Ichimaru. You can't be married to that beast, you can't. I thought you must have married Captain Ichimaru, that he came back. You've always loved him,” Momo was snivelling now.

 

I looked at Toshiro, very concerned. He had obviously been correct when he hadn't told her. She seemed very confused and disorientated and unable to accept new and rather unexpected information. Had her near death, Aizen or the pregnancy affected her mind?

 

“I love him, Momo. He loves me and he's not a beast. He wants to have children,” I bit my tongue after I uttered the last sentence. My tongue was running away with me as usual.

 

Toshiro gave me an odd look and smiled at Momo. “That's a scary thought; but it's not important now. How are you feeling?”

 

“I keep getting sick, I don't know why. I'm tired all the time and I feel heavy. Captain Unohana tells me not to worry and I'll be better soon,” she giggled slightly. “Kira keeps visiting me and he's brought me flowers. He tells me jokes. I haven't seen Renji very often, but Kira told me that he's marrying Rukia. I hope I'm invited to the wedding.”

 

The sudden mood change seemed odd, but it was nice that Kira was visiting his friend but then I realised that Kira was probably visiting her out of guilt for not protecting her against Aizen.

 

Hearing his name made me realise I hadn't seen Renji since the day of my wedding. I wondered where he was as I could not recall seeing him at the impromptu wedding party. Thinking back it became more obvious that Renji and Rukia were not there. I'd ask Toshiro about that later, when we were alone.

 

“How do you feel about children?” I thought we better start introducing the topic again.

 

“I love children. I always wanted children, lots of them. Are you pregnant, Ran? Is that why you keep mentioning children? Is that the reason you married the beast?” Momo looked at my stomach with interest.

 

I flushed at the question. “I don't think so.” It was possible but it would be too early to tell. The number of times Zaraki and I made love made it possible, but I hadn't fallen pregnant before this even though we'd had sex many times. I didn't think I was before I was abducted, but I was not sure. If I had been pregnant when Orihime healed me would that have removed the foetus? It was too confusing to contemplate. It struck me then that I wanted Zaraki's children, but I wanted him more.

 

“I wish I was pregnant because then I would be carrying Captain Aizen's child. I love him so much.”

 

Toshiro glanced at me and I nodded. It was time to give her the `good news'.

 

“Would you keep his child, even though the father tried to kill you?” Toshiro was blunt and I knew he was laying the groundwork.

 

“He didn't try to kill me. That was just a misunderstanding. It was Captain Tosen who tried to kill me. He is the leader and he blackmailed Captain Ichimaru and Captain Aizen into forming an alliance with the Hollows. They're both innocent. You shouldn't think badly of Captain Ichimaru, Ran,” her voice held complete assurance.

 

I gaped at her. Tosen? Tosen hadn't been there. Her delusions were extreme and I could understand why Retsu had not permitted her to leave 4th Division. Perhaps it would be a very bad idea to tell her about her condition.

 

“I would keep his child, no matter what.” She was perfectly clear in her confirmation. It was time to tell her but I was beginning to believe this was not a good idea.

 

“Even if you were advised it was a dangerous idea,” Toshiro continued.

 

“It would not be dangerous, don't be silly Toshiro. How could having Captain Aizen's baby be unsafe? I keep hoping I am pregnant, but it would be too wonderful to happen,” her face looked sad.

 

When I looked at my Captain I tried to indicate that I thought it was possibly hazardous to tell Momo of her condition, but he shook his head. He had been firm that she should know so she could make the decision.

 

My Captain said to her gently. “Momo, you know how you've been sick and very tired, well there's a reason. You're expecting a baby,” Toshiro dropped his voice as he spoke.

 

Her face was transfigured. I had never seen such joy in her eyes before. “I'm pregnant? With Captain Aizen's baby? I must tell him. He'll want to marry me and bring up our child together. I know he loves me and he'll come back when he finds out. Everything will go back to how it was. Maybe we can have a double wedding, Ran and you can marry Captain Ichimaru. Oh, Toshiro. I can't believe it is true!” She clasped her hands together and smiled at both of us.

 

It worried me that she had forgotten our earlier conversation about my marriage. “It is true, but you should consider it very carefully, Momo. It won't be easy for you,” I advised.

 

“I think you should rest now,” Toshiro cut in before I could go into further detail. “You have to think of the baby.”

 

I was worried about her excitement and her determination to talk to Aizen. How did Momo retain her delusions despite the evidence? Again I wondered at the cause and felt sorry for Retsu trying to work out a cure.

 

“I need to tell Captain Aizen. Will you get him for me, Toshiro, please? Tell him that I need to talk to him,” her voice was pleading.

 

“I can't Momo. It's not possible,” Toshiro said, trying to soothe her.

 

“He's telling the truth. It's hard trying to contact that trait… I mean the Captain,” I said all the time hoping that Zaraki had his zanpaku-to firmly buried in the bastard's chest.

 

“But I have to tell him, now,” she whined, her hands twisting in each other. “I want to start planning the wedding. What would be a good name for the baby? I'm sure it will be a boy.” Suddenly she started to cry. “He left me behind. He could have taken me with him; I would never have questioned him. I told him I loved him and he smiled when I said it. We're meant to be together. I knew the first time I saw him when he saved me in the human world. He is my hero.” The crying changed to loud sobbing and Momo rocked back and forth in the chair.

 

Toshiro quickly went to the door and summoned Hanatoro who administered the medicine he had prepared. Momo objected, trying to prevent the injection, but she was unsuccessful.

 

“Please leave now. She will fall asleep soon which is the best thing for her. When she wakes she will remember that she is pregnant with Aizen's baby. I do not know if she will remember anything else. Captain Unohana hoped that a shock, like being told about her pregnancy, might force her to accept reality,” Hanatoro's face expressed the doubt that this would assist Momo.

 

“I'll visit again tomorrow,” Toshiro said. “Matsumoto will you visit too?”

 

“If you do, don't tell her you're married. She is having trouble accepting facts she doesn't like. Lieutenant Izuru informed her of your marriage earlier and she protested vehemently and then forgot it. She won't accept it, for now.”

 

“I didn't know she had been told before,” Toshiro seemed shocked at the information. “I'll be careful what I say to her.”

 

As we left the building to return to our Division I was suddenly glad, glad that I was no longer in love with Gin, glad that my love for Zaraki was returned and glad that my Captain was also my friend. At the same time I felt bitter pain for Momo.

 

The only thing I really wanted was to find some way to convince Toshiro to allow me to journey to Las Noches and join my husband in the battle.

 

A.N.

 

Further complications. Joy.

 

This story takes place around the same time and in the same AU as For the Love of a Friend. To understand it all you have to read both. Should I apologise? Nah, saying sorry is for wimps and people who pretend they care.

Chapter 18 was rewritten because I felt like it.

 

Yeah, the delay. This chapter has been languishing, completed, on my computer for a while, waiting for me to catch up with For the Love of a Friend which is set around the same time. It's still not damn well caught up, but tough.

 

Thanks to the reviewers. Anyway, review. I like reviews. Next chapter, sometime.