Bleach Fan Fiction ❯ Different Circumstances ❯ The Confession ( Chapter 22 )

Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine.

 

Thanks for the heads up Bastion. This time it should be right.

 

The Confession

Waking up in 4th Division, I made a decision. I was fed up with being assaulted, abducted and generally aggravated. That would stop, starting now. My failure to protect myself from Momo, or to even anticipate that she planned to kill me, was due to compassion and our long friendship. Her attack was unexpected, but in retrospect, it made sense. The obsession with Aizen, her mental instability since his attempt to kill her, her rejection of reality and then the toxin planted in her mind by the representative of the 12th Division's Captain. It was becoming evident that he wanted me dead, but for what reason? Had Kurotsuchi's emissary given Momo the knives? Were they really poisoned and was I going to die?

 

Reluctantly I opened my eyes, knowing I would not see the beloved face I missed. Just another ceiling in another room that was empty of Zaraki. Another day to pass, longing for him. Obsession was all very well, but I had to think about something else. I'd spent enough time feeling need for him. Maybe I could take up a hobby of some kind. Flower arranging? Kendo? Or working toward bankai? I touched my chest, wondering about the injury.

 

“There won't be a scar. The blade did not pierce you deeply,” a gentle voice assured me, Hanatoro's voice.

 

That was reassuring because I was very sure that if I had been scarred Zaraki would have been slightly irritated, in the way that a detonation of a thermo-nuclear device is a minor explosion. “What about the poison?”

 

“We have the antidote. We have antidotes to all the toxins developed within 12th Division. Captain Unohana makes certain of that.” His cool hand touched my forehead. “No fever. You can sleep or rise. I can bring some food if you're hungry.”

 

I sat up but felt a little dizzy. Hanatoro hesitantly put his arm around my shoulders to steady me and I smiled at him. “Thanks. How long have I been unconscious?”

 

“Only a day. It took a little while for the toxin to work through your system. Captain Hitsugaya is waiting outside. He'd like to see you.”

 

I nodded and soon Toshiro was in the room looking at me with concern. “I'm sorry.”

 

Why was he apologising? He had tried to stop Momo from killing me. It was probably the speed of his arrival that saved me. “No need. Is… is Momo okay?”

 

Toshiro did not look at me or attempt to answer my question. “I feel that I'm to blame. It had been pointed out to me that she was not….” he hesitated, “but I didn't think she'd turn violent; she normally hates fighting. Everyone had been warned not to tell her about your abduction until she had settled down. 12th Division is now under the direct command of the Captain-General and Akon is in the cells awaiting trial. He may be given clemency if it is proven he was only following orders from a superior officer. Yumichika and Ikkaku have already tried to kill Momo and were prevented just in time. They are currently under sedation and 11th Division is under lockdown, as are the 10th and 12th Divisions,” he said the last words slowly.

 

“Oh,” what else could I say? All my concerns about 12th Division returned to plague me. Why did its captain hate me? Was it because I chose Zaraki over him, but that did not seem right. His eyes had never seemed to observe me with anything other than the cool disinterest of a scientist observing an annoying specimen. When he had stated he would have welcomed my attentions, I could not believe him. Even when he had been talking to me his eyes were fixed on Zaraki.

 

Then I realised what my captain had told me. 11th and 10th Division were in an uproar. Lockdown meant that they were confined to barracks and could not leave their quarters for any reason. I could not recall any time this had happened before and felt the guilt overwhelm me. This was my fault and I felt very responsible about Ikkaku and Yumichika. I'd have to get them freed, once they'd agreed not to try to kill Momo. None of this would have happened if I hadn't visited Momo. None of this would have happened if I hadn't fallen in love with Zaraki, or visited him in the bath house.

 

The feelings raging through me must have shown on my face. “Don't think it's all about you,” Captain Hitsugaya said. “11th Division wanted to use this as an excuse to fight 12th Division and 12th Division seemed to be expecting the fight. Captain Yamamoto is not happy.”

 

I nodded wondering about clemency. If my captain had given me orders with which I did not agree I would have argued, or ignored them. Even as I thought this I comprehended that I had a very close friendship with my captain and while he might punish me, he would not devise some method of torture that would mar my soul. Mostly he was reasonable and wouldn't ask something of me that I thought was wrong. Having heard some of the rumours it struck me that disobeying Captain Kurotsuchi would be potentially lethal. Akon may not have thought he had a choice.

 

Toshio began to speak rapidly. “Matsumoto, I'm beginning to think we need to send you somewhere else. Either that or you will need to be guarded at all times, even when you think you will be safe. I know that Captain Fong has increased the surveillance on you, but with all that has happened I'm not sure it's enough. I have to consult with the Captain-General,” he broke off and frowned.

 

“I agree. Let me go to Hueco Mundo. I want to be with Zaraki and they won't expect me there,' it was time to tell my captain of my plans.

 

The look of shock on his face told me he did not approve of this suggestion. “Allow you to go there? Your husband gave me strict instructions that I was to keep you here and protect you. The Captain-General has ordered that you remain here. Even if you go there you'll be in more danger,” he nearly shouted at me.

 

I hid the stubborn expression that was forming on my face. Why was he arguing with me? The anger he was showing was uncharacteristic. Was it because of Momo, or the secret love who was unreasonable? “As you command, my Captain,” I said sweetly, dropping my eyelids to conceal the anger I knew was visible.

 

“If you're scheming a way to get around the orders, I will have you confined in the cells. But I can't do that as it would make you a target for any agents that may be here. Matsumoto, why are you giving me this trouble?” Toshiro ran his hands through his hair proving he was genuinely agitated.

 

“I'm not trying to, Sir.” I said, my voice soft. “All I want is to be with my husband. I want this nightmare to stop. We've lost so much and gained mistrust, anger, hatred, violence and despair.” There was a pause and I swallowed hard before I made my apology. “Perhaps I should have noticed more, Captain. I should have persisted with Gin, no matter what, and regained his trust and then I would have been able to stop the disaster.”

 

Toshiro looked at me and shook his head slowly. “You know that would never have worked. The rape was a calculated attempt to break you and destroy any chance of reconciliation with Captain Ichimaru. You almost confessed that was your belief, when you told me, except you were too scared to acknowledge the truth head on. You normally face unpleasant facts squarely.”

 

My heart felt heavy as I slowly nodded. As he often did, my Captain had cut through the layers and revealed the truth. Rape was not only a product of lust, but a tool to enforce revenge or control.

 

“Will you face another unpleasant experience now?” Toshiro asked, his eyes not meeting mine. It was something he wanted, that was obvious, but he did not wish to coerce me into anything.

 

“To please you, Captain, I'll try. I'd need to know the situation before I can agree.” I was unwilling but it would be better to get this over with, whatever it was.

 

“There's someone who wants to see you, but you may not wish to see her.” His voice had dropped and he was staring out the window. He knew I would hate what he was going to ask.

“Who?” I could not think of any person who might wish to see me who was still in the Seireitei.

 

“Momo.” The name dropped into the quiet of the room and the ripples spread outwards.

 

I flinched at the thought of seeing Momo and my face creased in distaste. The woman had tried to kill me only recently and if she wanted to see me now, it might be to finish the job, properly.

 

“Since she woke up she hasn't stopped crying and apologising to everyone who enters the room, even the people she doesn't know. She is insistent that she apologise to you, otherwise she had threatened to stop eating.” He tried to keep his voice calm, but he could not conceal the agitation he was feeling. “She asked Iemura to administer the same poison that was on the blades to her as she did not feel she deserves to live and now he won't stop crying. We have to pretend we don't notice.”

 

Why was Iemura so upset about Momo's request? That question did not seem as important as some of the others I had, but it seemed strange. “I will see Momo if you are present, Captain.”

 

“She has asked that I am not present,” he held up his hand. “She had been checked for weapons and I have brought your zanpaku-to in case she tries anything. You are a much stronger fighter than she is and it amazed me that she managed to attack you so easily. Don't trust pity,” his lips twisted wryly as he spoke.

 

That reminded me of the time he asked whether he should marry the girl and now I realised more than friendship, more than love, his motivation for thinking about the matter was pity. A bad reason to wed.

 

“Momo has agreed that Iemura can be here, but no one else. He will have a sedative ready in case her mood changes and she becomes violent,” his voice grew colder as he spoke and I wondered if he had been hurt by this admission.

 

I rubbed my face. Don't trust pity, but by agreeing to see Momo I was giving into pity. “I'll let her have five minutes, no more and you have to stay outside the door, Captain. I don't feel good about this.” While I didn't trust mercy, I would try to show some. If I was wrong, then Momo would be dead very soon, as might I.

 

“We've taken other precautions, so don't be too shocked,” he warned me and left the room.

 

I watched the door and saw it open to admit a figure tied to a wheelchair so that all movement was restricted. As soon as she saw me, Momo began to sob.

 

“I'm so sorry, Ran. I think I was crazy. I didn't really want to kill you, I don't want you dead. I have to apologise to you for so many things. Please Ran, let me explain. I won't try to hurt you. You can kill me if you want, but could you wait until I've finished speaking?” The jumbled words were barely comprehensible as she sobbed. Iemura patted her shoulder consolingly and gave me a rather cold look.

 

What had I done? The woman had tried to kill me. Did I have to worry that Iemura had been turned by 12th Division also? “Tell me what you need to say,” I sighed.

 

“I didn't tell you the whole truth. I'm so sorry, but I didn't want to accept it,” she wailed. Her mood was verging on hysteria and I began to feel increasingly nervous.

 

“What truth?” I snapped. I'd only allowed 5 minutes and the way she was acting she'd be halfway through her apology when the time was up.

 

“I didn't lose my virginity to Captain Aizen. When I woke up it was another Captain who was in the bed with me,” she confessed and then broke into another storm of sobbing.

 

Another captain? What the hell? Apprehension snuck into my mind and I knew I didn't want to hear any more. “I'm sorry about that.” Even to my ears the words sounded trite and forced. Who was the man? It was obviously hurting her badly but who was it? There were a limited number of people who it could be, one of the Captains. Then my heart sank and I felt sick. If she said it was Zaraki, I would kill her slowly and painfully. Zaraki was mine. Even as I thought this I had a great amount of difficulty believing Zaraki would have screwed her. She had been a virgin and he didn't like virgins. He'd told me I was his first. It had to be someone else.

 

“It was……. it was…..” She spluttered and sobbed even harder.

 

The more she hesitated the more convinced I was she was going to name my husband. I shifted moving further away from her and picking up my zanpaku-to. As soon as she said Zaraki's name I would cut her head off her shoulders. I didn't care about the consequences. She had tried to kill me. She had caused a lockdown on 10th and 11th Division. After I killed her, I'd seek him out and kill him because he'd lied to me. First I'd fuck him and then I'd kill him. My hands were shaking and I felt like crying. I hated this. I wanted to live with my husband, not have all these problems confront me. Suddenly I realised that I was probably experiencing what Momo had felt when she had heard about Aizen and I. Compassion is a bitch.

 

After a few minutes, while Iemura cooed encouraging words at her and wiped the tears from her face, she recovered slightly.

 

“It was Captain Ichimaru,” she said and then wept again.

 

After the feeling of relief, I was thunderstruck. Gin? Gin had been with Momo? That was so unlikely I almost laughed. It was as likely as Zaraki fucking her. Gin had often spoken about how much he disliked the girl and tried to persuade me to cease spending time with her. He'd made crude comments about her appearance and declared he found his zanpaku-to more sexually attractive than Momo.

 

“Captain Gin Ichimaru?” I wanted it perfectly clear, though even is she admitted it I did not know if I could believe her.

 

She nodded. “I woke up to find someone caressing me and I didn't open my eyes because I was sure it was Captain Aizen. When I finally did open my eyes I saw it was Captain Ichimaru and by then it was too late,” she dropped her eyes and seemed very reluctant to continue.

 

“I see,” I said not seeing anything.

 

“After he finished, he left and then Captain Aizen returned and made love to me,” she whispered.

 

Oh, hell. Now it was becoming all too clear. Momo was uncertain who fathered her child. Because I had been Gin's previous lover she felt guilty that she had screwed him. She felt even guiltier that he had her before Aizen and as she didn't like Gin….. No wonder the poor girl had been acting strangely. It added a new perspective to her attack of Gin after the discovery of Aizen's body. The girl was confused.

 

“I don't care who the father of your child is, Momo. Marry me. Become my wife. I love you,” Iemura leant imploringly toward the figure on the chair.

 

An overwhelming urge to laugh came over me. Momo had added another member to the adoration society. Iemura was looking at her with such fervid admiration that it was rather scary.

 

“I don't deserve your love,” Momo said theatrically and then spoilt the effect by asking, “You don't mind that I'm pregnant?”

 

Iemura embraced her and I cleared my throat, unwilling to watch anything further. It reminded me of Zaraki, and that only made me feel sad, lonely and lustful.

 

“Yes, Iemura. I will think about your offer, but I'm sure you understand I need time……..” Momo paused for a few seconds. “I will marry you.” she said, her face glowing with an expression I had only seen a few times previously.

 

Iemura exclaimed with delight and kissed her. To my amazement Momo seemed to return the kiss, for all that her arms were bound.

 

I almost snorted. She needed time? Yeah, seconds. Iemura obviously treasured her, for whatever reason and he would probably be an adequate husband for Momo. Much better than my Captain who was not given to blind adoration. The speed of her acceptance seemed out of character. Obviously they had spent a great amount of time together since Aizen had tried to kill her, but why did she accept Iemura when she had only yesterday told me of her love for her former Captain and her desire to marry him?

 

The door opened and my captain entered. Seeing the situation he stopped and looked at me questioningly, but not before I saw an expression of relief cross his face. “What's happening?”

 

“Assistant Captain Hinamori has agreed to become my wife. I get a wife and a baby all in one package.” Iemura started crying again. The man was so emotional.

 

I shot a glance at Momo. She did not think anyone would look at her, obviously because her expression was bleak. She regarded Iemura with a sad look as if she had committed to something she was not certain was right.

 

“May I have a moment with the Assistant Captain, alone?” I requested. Toshiro looked at me and I raised an eyebrow at him while nodding at Iemura.

 

“Do you feel safe?” he asked.

 

“I promise I will not hurt Ran. She's my friend and I was wrong earlier. Please let me talk to her alone. She's the only one who will understand,” Momo was crying again.

 

Toshiro nodded at me and took the burbling Iemura out of the room. I waited until the door was firmly shut and moved closer to Momo. I took her hands in mine and crouched in front of her. “Why?”

 

At first she avoided my glance but eventually she met it. “He's not coming back, is he?”

 

I shook my head. “Aizen's set up his own little kingdom. A place where he can enforce his rules and standards. I'm sorry he shattered your dreams, Momo. If I see Gin again I will kill him on your behalf, though I find it hard to believe that he was the man in bed with you. Are you sure?”

 

She nodded thoughtfully. “He didn't speak much. It's embarrassing to admit what really happened.”

 

I left the silence undisturbed. She wanted to tell someone, but her humiliation at the experience was obvious to me. Sighing she swallowed hard and then cleared her throat.

 

“When I arrived at his place my Captain gave me a drink. I thought it was water, but after drinking it I felt sleepy and got into his bed. I slept almost immediately and I had an erotic dream about Captain Aizen. I was in his bed and he had joined me, after taking off his clothes. His hands were moving all over my body and I……,” she stopped and shut her eyes.

 

I patted her hand. “You don't have to tell me,” I assured her. “You don't have to tell anyone, or maybe you want to wait until Captain Unohana returns.”

 

I saw the struggle of emotions pass over Momo's face. She had acknowledged the truth to herself and now she needed to share it. I began to wish she had chosen to share it with someone else.

 

After a moment she continued. “I think it was because I was in his bed, his scent was so strong and when I awoke it seemed like my dream had become real. There was a naked man in bed with me, touching me. He was between my legs and his… um, member was just inside me. I immediately thought it was my Captain and I was very….. excited.” She blushed and her eyes had trouble meeting mine.

 

“Sex it meant to be exciting, in the right circumstances with the right person,” was all I could think to say. Then I added, “I only realised how enjoyable it could be recently.”

 

Momo darted a glance at me, her mouth open. “Do you enjoy sex with Captain Zaraki? He doesn't strike me as a good lover,” and then she bit her lip. “I'm sorry, that was rude.”

 

The question made me laugh. She must be the only person in the Seireitei who hadn't heard Ikkaku's big mouth flapping. “There are two reasons I married Zaraki. One is because I love him. You can work out the other.”

 

Her eyes went wide and she smiled nervously. “I would never have guessed.”

 

I just smiled and waited for her to continue but felt uneasy. I didn't like the way her story was progressing.

 

After a few minutes she began again. “I didn't open my eyes because I wanted to see what would happen next. The man began to thrust into me very shallowly and it felt nice, very nice. Then he spoke. He said “Virgin. Not virgin. Virgin. Not virgin” as he thrust into me. It was then I knew it was Captain Ichimaru because I recognised his voice. I opened my eyes and said “Virgin,” but he thrust into me fully, smiling and said, “Not virgin.” It didn't hurt, it felt good. I was shocked that I was enjoying it and I didn't try to escape because it felt so nice and the next thing I knew I was asking him to continue. He did and I think I climaxed. I felt like my body exploded.”

 

“That does sound like an orgasm,” I confirmed. The Gin in her retelling of events was not the man I knew. He liked sex games, but this sounded wrong, for him.

 

“May I have some water, please, Ran? Thanks for not getting upset with me,” Momo said.

 

“Don't worry. If you'd named Zaraki, I would have killed you,” I said, trying to joke. It fell flat as it was obvious from my tone that I was speaking the truth. I poured the water and held it to her lips as she drank.

 

“I know you would,” she confessed. “When I heard that you'd had sex with Aizen, forced or not, I felt like you were my enemy. I hated you, but that was wrong. He's not worth it.” Her voice broke as she said the last sentence and it was obvious she didn't believe what she was saying.

 

“Zaraki is worth it,” I said firmly.

 

“But that's because you love each other.”

 

I sat on the bed and faced her. “You don't have to say anymore. Do you feel better now, having told me?”

 

She shook her head and pain flooded her eyes. “That was the good part.”

 

I didn't want to hear what she was going to say next. “You can tell me tomorrow,” I suggested. Given time she might decide that she had told me enough.

 

“I have to tell you now,” tears dribbled down her face. “Every time I think about this it hurts me so much, I want to die.”

 

“Don't think about it,” the trite advice sprung from my lips. That advice didn't help me when I was fighting my feelings for Zaraki. The more I tried not to think about him the more my thoughts dwelt on him.

 

Momo bit her lip and frowned. “No. I have to tell you. Captain Ichimaru dressed and left and I wondered if I should leave. I felt mortified and hoped my Captain would not find out. I began to get out of bed when Captain Aizen opened the door and came into the room. He fastened the door and removed his clothes. I cleared my throat and he told me he knew I was there. He said he'd been listening and heard me screwing Gin and it was obvious I'd enjoyed it. Then he said it was his turn.”

 

“The prick,” the words were out of my mouth before I could stop them. Momo was a very modest girl and this would have shamed her almost beyond bearing. “That's a rotten thing to say,” I continued trying to moderate my comments.

 

“I felt so bad that I couldn't enjoy it with Captain Aizen. We had sex but all I could think about was that Captain Ichimaru had been first. Knowing Captain Aizen had overhead made it impossible to relax and I ended up crying. After he climaxed he gave me something else to drink, and I fell asleep again,” was the ugly end to the story.

 

She had related to facts and I didn't know what to say. Her dreams had been crushed by two men who had used her as if she were little more than a prostitute. I couldn't understand why Aizen would have allowed Gin to take Momo's virginity, nor could I imagine Gin desiring Momo. I knew that something had happened to Momo, but the story was wrong. It had to be wrong.

 

“Should I tell Iemura, everything?” she asked, her voice husky from her tears.

 

“Why did you agree to marry him?” I countered.

 

“Because he loves me. He loves me more than anyone else ever has and he's a kind man who will care for me and the child. I was nervous that Toshiro would ask me to marry him out of pity and I might have agreed and that would be wrong. I think I could love Iemura, given time,” was her simple explanation.

 

I hugged her, bound as she was and the gesture made her cry once more. “Ran, please be my friend again. Be an aunt to my child.”

 

“Yes, Momo. I'll be your friend if you don't try to kill me or sleep with my husband,” I smiled to show I was joking about the last part. “I think it should be okay. Iemura has already told you he doesn't care who the father of the child is, and I believe him,” I advised her as gently as I could. “If it's any consolation the child should be very gifted, no matter who the father is. But knowing it might be Gin's baby, do you still wish to have it?”

 

Her startled expression almost made me laugh. “It's my child and I will have it. If I bring it up properly it will be a brave and strong Shinigami who will protect the innocent.” There was no wavering in her determination and I knew the child would be born and she would try to love it, regardless of the father or the way it was conceived.

 

The door opened and Toshiro came in. “Momo needs her rest you are to carry a package to Captain Soi Fong. Would you please make sure it is delivered into her hand and her hand alone,” he requested. His attitude had changed and I wondered why he seemed more relaxed than he had been for a long time.

 

“Yes, Captain,” I agreed, curious as to the contents. I left the room and headed toward 2nd Division, pleased for many reasons, that I was alive.

A.N.

Did you expect this to be straightforward? More twists ahead.

 

Soundtrack

`Unfinished Sympathy' Massive Attack

`Strangers' Yoko Kanno

`So Lonely' Jakatta

`No Sun' The Art of Noise

 

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