Card Captor Sakura Fan Fiction / Gundam Wing Fan Fiction / Sailor Moon Fan Fiction / Tenchi Muyo Fan Fiction / Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ The Anime World ❯ Garlic & the Great Destroyer ( Chapter 5 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

This is the story of several popular anime characters that were all forced to move into a small apartment. It doesn't really make much sense, but it's good for a few laughs every now and then. Anyway, it never actually happened... hopefully. If it did, I didn't do it and can't be blamed.

Disclaimer: Yugi, Washu & Tenchi belong to Pioneer; Cell, Vegeta, Garlic & Goku belong to Akira Toriyama; Serena, Reenie, Tuxedo Mask & Hotaru belong to Naoko Takeuchi; Li belongs to Nelvana/CLAMP; and Heero & Duo belong to Sunrise. The Real World belongs to MTV and happens to be a great show. I'm not getting paid.

This one actually has references to Shakespeare in it!

The Anime World 5: Garlic & The Great Destroyer


Day Six
8:49 AM

[Yugi & Reenie have just finished washing up, and are on their way to the kitchen.]

Yugi: I had my doubts about you at first, but you're not so bad.

Reenie: Neither are you. (holds out her hand) Pals?

Yugi: (shakes her hand) Pals. So how are things going with Li?

Reenie: Slowly. He kept muttering some girl's name in his dream.

Yugi: My Heero had the same problem. You just have to give him something better to dream about. (grins)

[As they pass through the living room, Yugi grabs Cell and drags him away from the couch. Reenie turns on the kitchen light, only to find three figures sitting around the kitchen table. One of them is Guy, who is still in a body cast.]

Guy: I suppose you're going to ask why we're all sitting around in the dark.

[Yugi, Reenie, and Cell all look at each other, shrug, and start breakfast.]

Guy: Fine! At least let me introduce your new co-stars. The short one is called Garlic Jr., and the human one is Duo Maxwell.

[Garlic looks at Reenie and licks his lips.]

Garlic: You would make a fine queen for my new empire.

Duo: That, and you're only a few inches taller than him.

Garlic: Quiet, you! I am GARLIC!

Duo: You smell like it.

Garlic: Fool! I'll blast you into-

Guy: Do it and you're back in the Dead Zone. We've lost enough stars in this place as it is.

Yugi: I think I'm gonna like the cute one.

Reenie: What about Heero?

Yugi: Hey, I'm evil. I can have more than one slave.

Cell: Not while I'm around, missy. You're allowed to have one boyfriend and three slaves. Since you've already got two, I'd choose the next one carefully.

Yugi: (pouts) You're no fun!

[Goku wanders in and spots Garlic.]

Goku: YOU!

Garlic: YOU!

[The two start to fight, but Yugi steps between them.]

Yugi: Don't hurt him, Uncle Goku!

Goku: Huh? Why not?!

Yugi: Well...he used to be my lab partner at the Chaos Academy...

Reenie: Oh, brother.

Cell: Is that true?

Garlic: (mumbling) They were times I would rather forget!

Yugi: (pats Garlic's back) He's really an evil genius. Did you know he won an award for his portrayal of Iago in the school production of Othello?

Garlic: Quiet, Yugi! They don't need to know about-

Cell: Y'know, I played a mean Tibalt in my day...

[Everyone looks at him.]

Cell: Okay, I'm lying. I never went to school. Being evil is a full-time job for some people. (starts to cook some pancakes)

Goku: I still don't like the idea of him living here.

Yugi: Don't worry, Uncle Goku. Garlic's my bud. He won't do anything too evil.

Garlic: Yes, I will! I'll do anything I want! I-

Duo: (in Garlic's voice) ...am a toad!

Garlic: You little...!

[Garlic sends a huge energy blast at Duo, who side-steps it. The blast flies past him and connects with someone that was just walking in.]

Reenie: Uh oh. Who was that?

[Tenchi stumbles in, most of his clothes burnt to a crisp. He passes out on the floor.]

Duo: Whoops. I think we need a mop over here.

[Heero walks in.]

Heero: What's all the noise about?

[Yugi leaps into his arms, and they are hidden by one of Guy's CENSORED signs.]

Duo: Heero, you poor slob! I always thought Quatre would be first to be tied down.

Heero: Duo? What are you doing here?

Duo: Not as much as you, apparently! Is she even out of grade school yet?

Yugi: I happen to be ten centuries old. (sticks out her tongue)

Duo: They must be doing wonders with plastic surgery on this planet. Okay, Heero, where's this bunch of cute girls you were telling me about?

[Serena & Hotaru walk in.]

Serena: I smell garlic.

Cell: Oh, I put some in the omelets. But there's some at the table, too.

Garlic: You people are not funny at all.

Guy: That's not what the viewers say. Oh, Serena? Your boyfriend called on the complaint line. Tenchi's girlfriends...all six of them...also called.

Tenchi: (gets up) ALL of them called?

Serena: What did you tell him?!

Guy: Nothing much. Except that your kid was a psycho in pigtails and that you were called a stripper the first night you got here.

[Reenie starts to attack Guy, but thinks better of it. Hotaru sits next down next to Duo, who is tasting one of Cell's pancakes.]

Duo: Okay, there's no poison in it.

Cell: Just because you're a Heero...uh...hero, doesn't mean we're out to get you.

Hotaru: They're actually very nice, one you get past the drooling.

[Duo looks at her and spits out his pancakes.]

Duo: It's you! It's really you!

Hotaru: Huh?

[Duo gives Hotaru a huge hug.]

Duo: I can't believe it's you!

Hotaru: Did I miss something...?

Heero: He's a big Sailor Saturn fan.

Hotaru: That's really sweet, but can I breathe now?!

Duo: Sorry! (lets go) Can I have your autograph?!

Hotaru: I have to get my circulation back first.

Cell: Everyone shut up and grab a plate. I'm not making breakfast just so I can eat all.

[The rest of the tenants eventually wander in. Breakfast is almost over when there is a loud knock on the door.]

Goku: Come back when we're not eating!

[The door explodes from the outside, and a small woman with a bazooka walks in.]

Vegeta: Who is that?

Guy: That would be one of Tenchi's girlfriends.

Washu: Tenchi, we need to talk.

Tenchi: Um...no, we don't!

[Washu grabs Tenchi and drags him out of the door.]

Goku: That was pretty fast.

[A rose flies through the air and gets stuck in Vegeta's hair.]

Vegeta: What?! WHO DARES?!

[Tuxedo Mask strides in.]

Serena: Uh oh.

T.Mask: Serena! Is it true? Were you really sleep-

[Vegeta grabs Tuxedo Mask and beats him to a bloody pulp before tossing him out into the hallway.]

Goku: Vegeta's never been the same since that pink shirt incident...

Serena: Oh, poo. Now I need a new boyfriend.

[Goku, Vegeta, and Cell all trample the others and land in a pile at her feet.]

Serena: Let me rephrase that. A HUMAN boyfriend.

[Vegeta and Cell crawl away.]

Goku: Um, well...I'm half-human. You can't even tell I'm alien by looking!

Serena: You're also married.

Goku: Oh yeah. Heh heh...

* * * * *

Duo's Interview

Duo: Okay, so this won't be so bad. I get to live in the same apartment as Hotaru Tomoe! Do you know how lucky I am?

Guy: Not really. How do you feel about Garlic?

Duo: FORGET HIM! Did you hear me, man? HOTARU! I'm living with Sailor Saturn! How many people can honestly say that?!

Guy: Gee, I dunno, everyone else in the apartment?

Duo: I can see why no one likes you.

Guy: Look, you blatantly obvious Gemini! I've got POWER, you hear me?! I'll have you off this show so fast, your ponytail will spin!

Duo: ...what?

Guy: Just shut up and smile at the camera.

Duo: Do you wanna take this outside?

Guy: Let's do it, punk.

[Guy and Duo step into the hallway, where punching and kicking sounds are heard. Duo returns with a big smile on his face. Guy slowly crawls back in a moment later.]

Guy: (weakly) Back...to the... (passes out)

* * * * *

12:37 PM

[After lunch, Cell calls an apartment meeting.]

Cell: There's eleven of us now, believe it or not. Something's gotta be worked out as far as sleeping. To help us out, Goku went and bought more sleeping bags. Anyway, since I've still got the highest power level, here's how it's gonna be. Anyone that's shorter than my waist is now confined to a sleeping bag.

Yugi: HEY!

Cell: Sorry, kid. Rules are rules.

Yugi: You can't do that! I sleep with Heero!

Cell: Well, Guy left some more rules today. As of now, no girl sleeps anywhere near a guy. Not even in the same room.

Reenie & Hotaru: HEY!

Cell: You don't like it, fine. You don't obey it, you get kicked out, no questions asked. Serena's in the first bedroom, along with Reenie, Hotaru, and Yugi. The Gundam pilots and Li get the second bedroom, while the DBZ guys get the last one. Any questions?

Serena: Is there any chance of getting a human guy my age in here anytime soon?

Cell: Doubtful.

Goku: So...I can't have my couch anymore?

Cell: Afraid not. It's all mine. (cackles evilly)

Yugi: I don't wanna be here anymore. (sniffles)

Cell: Don't you dare try that crying thing on me. I'm immune to it.

[Hotaru and Reenie also begin to sniffle.]

Cell: It won't work. You're just wasting your time.

[The girls all begin to cry with Serena joining in.]

Cell: (plugs his ears) I can't hear you!

Duo: (covers his ears) Yeah, but we can!

Goku: Cell, maybe we should just give the girls what they want.

Cell: Goku, I've never submitted to a woman in my entire life, and I'm not about to start now.

Goku: What about your mother?

Cell: I don't HAVE a mother; I'm an android!

Goku: Since you ate Ryoko, Washu's technically your mother.

Cell: Well, I don't see her around. Do you?

[A star portal opens up next to Cell, and Washu steps out.]

Washu: Which one of you is the android that ate my daughter?

[Everyone takes a few steps back.]

Washu: HEY! I ASKED A QUESTION!!!

Yugi: He did it! (points at Cell)

Cell: Traitor!

[Washu grabs Cell by the ear (or whatever those pointy things on his head are) and drags him off.]

Vegeta: She's freakishly strong...for a woman.

Goku: She's strong for anyone. Did you even check her power level?

Vegeta: Of course not! Women can't fight!

Heero: You're sounding more like Wufei every day.

* * * * *

10:51 PM

[Garlic wanders into the kitchen, looking for a snack. He is surprised to find Vegeta at the table. Even more surprising is the fact that the Super Saiyan is cradling Yugi in his arms.]

Garlic: Um...nice hair.

Vegeta: Not so loud! You'll wake her.

[Garlic takes a seat across from him.]

Garlic: It's strange, Vegeta. Chaos Academy graduates are supposed to be the most feared beings in the universe. Instead, we end up on this show.

Vegeta: At least we're not in reruns.

Garlic: True, but we're living with heroes!

Vegeta: I've gotten used to it, and so have Yugi and Cell.

[Yugi murmurs and buries her face in Vegeta's shirt.]

Garlic: What are you two doing out here?

Vegeta: I came in here to get away from Kakarot's snoring, and I found Yugi in the hallway. She said she couldn't sleep, so I brought her along with me.

Garlic: I've been wondering something. Yugi's a genetically-engineered mutant, right?

Vegeta: Yeah, so?

Garlic: I just wonder where they got the cells from.

Vegeta: (mutters) ...it's not important.

Garlic: (looks at Vegeta) Oh...my...GOD. YOU?!

Vegeta: I said it's not important!

Garlic: Well...who's her mother?

Vegeta: I never found out. I just know it was someone from Jurai's royal family.

Garlic: Wait. Yugi's centuries old. You're not even 35. Explain that!

Vegeta: It's simple. Once I agreed to donate, they took my DNA back in time, found a second donor there, and created Yugi. They said they didn't want too many of my children in one timeline.

Garlic: Does Yugi know?

Vegeta: No. I promised I wouldn't tell her until she was old enough.

Garlic: And you don't think ten centuries is enough?

Vegeta: Yes, but I'm waiting for my wife and son to get here. I have to tell them, too.

Garlic: Bulma and Trunks are coming here?

Vegeta: Yes, tomorrow morning. Why?

Garlic: Well, they'll have to meet Heero, too. But how are you going to explain that?

Vegeta: I won't. She will. He's her fiancé.

Garlic: So what happens after you tell them?

Vegeta: I want Yugi to be a part of my family.

Garlic: But do you really think she'll believe that you're her father?

Vegeta: I have the test results to prove it, but I think she'll take my word.

[Yugi moans Heero's name in her sleep, then begins to snore quietly. Vegeta smiles slightly and gently strokes her hair.]

* * * * *

Day Seven
9:58 AM

[Everyone is just finishing breakfast when the doorbell rings.]

Yugi: I'll get it! (starts to get up)

Vegeta: No, you stay. I'll get it.

[Yugi stares at him, then shrugs and sits down. Vegeta goes to the door and opens it.]

Bulma: Look, Trunks! Here's Daddy!

[Bulma shoves Baby Trunks in Vegeta's face. Baby Trunks bops Vegeta's nose with a tiny fist.]

Vegeta: (holding back obvious anger) Just come in, Bulma.

[Bulma walks in, followed by the older Trunks, who trades nods with Vegeta.]

Cell: God, they even MOVE alike. I bet their grunts are the same, too.

[Vegeta holds in a roar of anger, then herds his family into his bedroom. Along the way, he tucks Yugi under one arm and turns to face the others.]

Vegeta: I'm going to need some privacy for once, and if ANYONE barges in on us, they'll have a one-way ticket to another dimension! Kakarot, guard the door!

[Goku scrambles over to the door, waving to Bulma & both versions of Trunks before Vegeta slams it in his face.]

Bulma: Well that was just rude, mister! I want you to apologize to Goku right now!

Vegeta: Woman, just be quiet and listen to me for a minute! You'll all need to sit down first.

[Bulma & Trunks sit on the bed, and Yugi joins them. She makes funny faces at Baby Trunks, who laughs and reaches for her. Bulma hands the baby over, and Yugi plays with him. Vegeta smiles at them, but only for a moment.]

Vegeta: I asked you here today for a very important reason.

Bulma: Yeah, why are we here, anyway? And where's that Ryoko woman?! I'll bash her brains in!

Trunks: Calm down, Mom. Father's not done yet.

Vegeta: ...Ryoko is as good as dead. Cell absorbed her. But this is more important. Do you both remember Yugi?

Bulma: Sure! She was at the Chaos Academy reunion. I just can't believe she had Garlic Jr. for a date...

Yugi: HEY! We're just friends, and no one else would go with him!

Vegeta: (sighs) Anyway, I need to tell you all something. (takes a deep breath) Yugi is...my daughter.

[Yugi nearly drops Baby Trunks, and Bulma's jaw drops. Trunks stares at his father in disbelief.]

Bulma: ...tell me she's not Ryoko's.

Vegeta: She's not.

Bulma: NOW tell me the truth!

Vegeta: She's not Ryoko's, Bulma. She was genetically-engineered from my cells.

Trunks: Don't you still need a woman for that?

Vegeta: Whoever she was, she was a member of Jurai's royal family centuries ago. That's all I know for certain.

Yugi: Vegeta...why did you do it? Why'd you make me?

Vegeta: At the time, I didn't know Trunks existed. I wanted to be sure that the Saiyan race didn't end with Kakarot's son.

Yugi: So...that's why you and Ryoko were always looking out for me at the Chaos Academy? Did she know, too?

Vegeta: No. I didn't trust anyone with this, except Garlic, and I only told him last night. I watched you learn and grow with the best villains, and I was always proud of you, Yugi. I just wish I had told you this sooner. There are so many things I wanted to do with you, so many things I wanted to tell you...

Bulma: Wait a minute! You're saying that...you want to adopt her?

Vegeta: (glares at her) No. I'm saying I want my daughter to grow up with the rest of my family...her family. And if you've got a problem with that, Bulma, then deal with it!

Bulma: Uh...no problems here. I just wanted to know if there was any legal stuff to go through.

Vegeta: Not really, but we might have to take Cell in, too. He'll want to keep an eye on her. And that Gundam pilot might be hanging around, too...

Trunks: So...Yugi's my sister?

Vegeta: Yes. And if YOU have a probl-

Trunks: I don't! I was just wondering how that might affect my future.

Yugi: Vegeta...you really want me to live with you? Why?

Vegeta: You're my daughter, Yugi. Do I need another reason?

Yugi: I guess not, but...

[Suddenly, the door caves in, and all the others come tumbling into the room. From the bottom of the pile, Goku smiles up at them.]

Goku: Hey, guys! Man, these doors are REALLY weak! Heh heh...

Cell: Oh, give it up, Goku. Of course I'll come live with you guys!

Heero: I'll visit every other day.

Goku: Oh, and I'll...walk over and see you guys every day...just like I always do...

[Vegeta sighs and shakes his head.]

* * * * *

Bulma's Interview

Guy: So how does it feel to have a new daughter?

Bulma: Okay, I guess. We all love Yugi, and I think she feels the same way about us.

Guy: You're not upset with Vegeta?

Bulma: I was, but I can't really blame him. He...donated before he met me, so it wasn't like he was cheating or anything.

Guy: How do you feel about Cell, the person who killed your son more than once, moving in?

Bulma: Well, Trunks has gotten over it, I think. And he adores Yugi, so I don't think there will be a problem.

Guy: What about Ryoko? She IS still inside of Cell.

Bulma: As long as she stay there, I'm fine. If she ever gets out, I'LL KILL HER JUST LIKE THIS!

[Bulma grabs Guy and throws him to the floor. She whips out a capsule, which turns into a flamethrower. Guy's screams are lost in the loud roar of the flames.]

Guy: ...back...fairy tale...go... (passes out)


Next Time: The show gets canceled, and the cast gathers at Capsule Corp. for their final goodbyes.