Card Captor Sakura Fan Fiction / Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction / Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction / Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ A Fistful Of Omake ❯ What If Kwannon Had Raised Ranma ( Chapter 26 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

Rafael looked uncomfortable. "Actually, what I *intended* to do was have Ranma end up being raised by Kuan Yin."

"Already been done," said Toltiir, idly waving a paw. "Observe."

Rafael blinked. "The goddess of compassion and pacifism? Saddled with the wild horse?"

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WHAT IF KWANNON HAD RAISED RANMA?
a "worse father than Genma" omake by Gregg Sharp

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Kuan Yin, aka Kwannon, alias a few similar names and identities, breathed a sigh of relief as her rebellious "son" was ready at long last to leave the nest.

Years ago she had taken a tortured child under her protection. Not too long after that she had begun regretting it. At several points she had been ready to pull out her own hair as a result of a *very* rebellious boy whose natural inclinations had not included pacifism by any stretch of the imagination.

After an event where even *her* patience had been exhausted, Kwannon had finally come up with an idea on how to impress on her young charge the basic philosophies of her nature. It hadn't quite worked, though Ranma had been a bit more subdued since his moment of Awareness. Even more so after his Ascension.

The event in question had been the time Ranma had fallen into the Spring Of Tiresias after sneaking away in order to try and pick up some martial arts training from one of the other gods rather than study boring stuff like medicine. Having managed to change himself from an eight year old mortal boy into an eight year old girl had driven Ranma nearly into frothing at the mouth displays of temper until the gentle goddess Kwannon had found a way to change Ranma back. Though it only worked if Ranma was completely calm. If startled, angered, or otherwise moved out of his "icy calm" - boy-type Ranma became a girl.

Thereafter, Ranma had learned to be less emotional. Quieter. More controlled. He still lapsed occasionally after that, but disliked becoming a girl enough that those occasions were rare.

He'd become quite a good healer, familiar with a number of Chinese medical techiques. So much so that he'd become a god (second class, limited) of medicine.

Now if only he'd get some of that show-off nature out of his system.

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This was boring, Cologne thought to herself, and THAT was why she usually did not attend the annual Tournament. It was the same thing every year. If only something *different* would happen.

*BOOM!*

As a bolt of lightning slammed down from a blue sky next to the first prize, Cologne raised an eyebrow.

Coughing slightly, a boy walked out of the resulting cloud of smoke. "Yeesh. Maybe I should have chosen a different method of transport."

Cologne's other eyebrow went up as she sensed the power radiating from this boy.

"Hey you! What the heck are you doing?!" Ignoring the way the boy had formed out of a bolt of lightning, Shampoo pointed to where the edge of the feast was now on fire. "Look what you did to my prize!"

"Oh?" The boy turned, saw the fire, and nodded. He couldn't leave things as they were, could he? "Don't worry, I can fix it!"

Shampoo was ready to beat on this Outsider when it finally occurred to her that this boy was beginning to glow.

"Dance and spin,
O threads of life,
Repair thy damaged ends,
Grow strong again,
And quickly mend,
And free yourselves of strife!"

Ranma nodded. He'd gotten stuck with the wording again but he thought he'd muddled through.

The ears of corn becoming stalks of corn which took root and began spreading disabused him of that notion.

Grass sprouted from dirt in a sudden flood of green that spread through the village. Tree seeds which had blown in from nearby orchards erupted into full growth in seconds before startled Amazon eyes. More plants likewise went from seeds or fruits to fully grown specimens of their breed within moments.

Shampoo, enveloped by vines that had rushed over her in a wave, thought that all the flowers would look quite nice if they weren't tying her up like this. She had to fight against the strange calm and desire to dance that was already affecting a lot of the others around her. "STUPID OUTSIDER! LET ME GO!"

As vines and plants continued to spread through the village and tie up or otherwise defeat various Amazons, Ranma said eight words that sent a chill through everyone who heard them. "Don't worry, I know how to fix this."

-------

When the Outsider had finally left, Cologne sat on a tree branch and smoked her pipe. Being over three hundred years old, she needed a break every so often. She also made a mental note not to complain about being bored again. Someone had obviously been listening.

A form pushing its way through the thick field of corn revealed itself as a very disheveled looking Shampoo. She was joined quickly by Lotion, Perfume, Potion, Satin, Clover, Sugar, Spice, Tigar, Frost, Sash, and Weird Mao.

Cologne let them wait below her for a few minutes. "And what do you want now with so much work to be done? We have to get all these trees out of the village, we have to harvest and store all these fruits and vegetables, we have to rebuild several homes still."

"Excuse me, Elder," politely said Frost, the albino looking up at her briefly. "It occurred to me that this boy managed to defeat us in combat."

Perfume and Lotion looked at each other and nodded. As they did everything together, sharing a husband wasn't so strange an idea. "The Outsider *was* a male, and *was* rather handsome."

Cologne cleared her throat. "Are you suggesting that after all the trouble we had getting him to leave the village that one of you should give him the kiss of marriage and bring him back here?"

"Well..." Sugar looked slightly embarassed.

"Are you sure you're not trying to shirk your current workload?" Cologne looked at the guilty expressions over more than one face. "Get back to work. I'll consider your petition later as long as his entering our valley again is *not* something we have to deal with on a regular basis."

There were some disappointed mutters but two of them looked hopeful.

"And *after* we've cleaned up *this* mess," finished Cologne.

-------

The crowd of hentai was ready to attack.

Their target, a young girl, prepared to throw herself into the group and beat them senseless. Err, make that 'beat them into severe pain' - if they had any sense to begin with they wouldn't be in this situation.

*BOOM!*

(cough hack) "Yup, I've *got* to come up with a better way of teleporting." Ranma waved some of the smoke away, then pulled out and began consulting a "Ningauble's Guide To Tokyo" as he tried to determine where he was.

After a few minutes he realized that he wasn't being stared at so much as something at his feet. Glancing down he realized that he was standing *on* someone?! "Oh my gosh. I'm sorry, miss!"

"...I don't want to play Romeo..." Akane mumbled, her eyes swirling.

Ranma considered. He knew pressure points and Chinese medicine. All he had to do was tap here and there and voila!

Akane realized some strange boy was touching her back and that she'd been pounded into the ground. "WHAT THE?! You did NOT defeat me!" She twisted away as this boy prepared to do something weird.

"Yeah, I know. You were just lying in this crater by some amazing coincidence. Hey! Hold still! Uh oh." Ranma looked horrified as his precisely targetted pressure point strike which *should* have healed her sprained ankle hit an entirely different pressure point.

Akane grabbed the young hunk in front of her, pulling him close into a passionate kiss. All of her inhibitions and inner passions came rushing to the forefront and she ground her body against the sexy stud. Yes, this was why she hadn't rebuked the whole defeating her thing. She *wanted* some guy to take control, to be able to force her into submission, and now that she had found someone, she was not going to let go.

Ranma froze as he found someone else's tongue in his mouth and her hands roaming where public decorum indicated nice girls not do that even in privacy. When he could finally move again, Ranma did the natural thing. Which was to hit a temporary paralysis point, undo the effects of the earlier shiatsu strike, and teleport again. Boy, had *he* found the wrong place to be!

Akane slowly got control of herself again, though if she ever found that boy again she'd... Well she wasn't quite sure if she'd finish what she started or she'd kill him.

Idly flattening Tatewaki Kuno, Akane wondered which she really wanted to do.

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After causing so much mess on the mortal plane, it was quite natural for Ranma to be punished. Community service was not Ranma's favorite thing. The Goddess Relief Office even more so.

Especially as that meant he had to be a she during this period. Bleah.

Ranma brightened slightly. A call! "Goddess Relief Office. I'll be right there for a consultation!"

-------

Minako Aino sighed dejectedly. Her parents were out of town, she'd tried to order pizza, and instead she'd gotten some whacked out psychic hotline.

*shoom!* "Not as impressive, but it'll have to do."

*poof!* This the sound of a little white mooncat who now resembled a puffball with legs and poofy tail.

The redheaded girl smiled at the startled blonde. "Hello. I am Ranma Saotome, god second class on probation, limited license, temporarily working for the goddess relief office. I am here to grant you a wish!"

Minako blinked. "You're a goddess?"

"Actually, this is just temporary. I'm really a guy." Ranma forced himself to calm and morphed back to male. "See? It's just a transformation because I work for the Goddess Relief Office, and they've got these rules, y'know?"

Minako blinked repeatedly. A guy. A handsome guy. A handsome guy who was here to... "You're going to grant me a wish?!"

Ranma nodded. "Oh yeah. I gotta go through the whole procedure. Minako Aino, alias Sailor V, aka Sailor Venus. You have been found worthy of being granted a wish. You only get *one* wish, however."

"A wish?!" Minako repeated, looking over the girl that had turned into a real hunk.

"Yes!" Ranma nodded. He wouldn't screw this one up! "It can be for nearly anything, however. You want great wealth, you can have it. You want to be a famous idol singer, you can do that too. You want a 'Venus Lovely Gatling Orbital X-Ray Laser Cannon' you can have that as well. Just remember - it's only one wish and once given you can't change it."

Artemis began to recover. "Don't do it! It's a trick. Wish he'd just go away or something if you've got to!"

"You could even wish that Artemis here had all his memories back or something," pointed out Ranma. "Whatever you like!"

Minako tried not to get her hopes up even as Artemis began ranting about duties and responsibilities and not letting her guard down. "I could even get a boyfriend if I wanted?"

"MINAKO!!" Artemis really began to get alarmed.

Ranma looked at the girl and could see her uncertainties, her insecurity in her own appearance and appeal - fueled by her inability to get a boyfriend. After a moment he nodded. "Yeah. Though it's hard to believe a girl as cute as you couldn't get a boyfriend."

Artemis cringed. The moment this boy called her cute, Minako got *that* look in her eyes. He had to stop her from doing something foolish. This *had* to be a trick of the Dark Kingdom.

Minako grinned. The inevitable occurred. "I wish I had a cute boyfriend like you to be with me forever!"

"Noooooooooooo!" Artemis didn't like this development at all.

Strangely enough, neither would Luna.

Minako on the other hand, after some initial misgivings, decided that she'd made the right wish after all.

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