Card Captor Sakura Fan Fiction / Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction / Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction / Sailor Moon Fan Fiction ❯ A Fistful Of Omake ❯ Rag Doll ( Chapter 34 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

"I gotta try again!"

A bard shook his head. "Stubborn, isn't he?"

An elven superspy agreed. "Less sense than most of the Ranmas I've run across. Must be from one of those so-called 'canon' universes."

"It's not fair! Ya gotta let me try again!"

"Well..."

"There!" Saotome school of martial arts - action without thought. A ten yen coin skipped across the water, slapped into the stone lip, spun up and came back down with a plop.

A shadowy figure pointed off to the side. "You *do* remember that the simulation device is over there, right? This is Mimir's Well, where possibilities become reality."

A whimper answered him.

The various observers all nodded and came up with the same comment in an eerie unrehearsed chorus. "Ranma No Baka."

Chii pointed cutely. "Hey look, we got a crossrip forming!"

---------

"My lord Lamune!" The marionette struggled against the waves of evil force. "I will defend you unto death."

"Rrraaaaaaaaaaa," roared the demonic being, making a gesture that threw the valiant marionette back. "You are a pitiful machine. You are less than nothing."

"No," the marionette rallied and began to force her way back against the pressure even though neo-flesh began peeling away. "While I live, I love. While I love, I will do everything I can to protect that love!"

"Then DIE!" The foul being focussed its malevolence on her then turned as the Lamune renewed his assault, having used the break to recover.

The marionette's systems continued to fail even as the battle created a wormhole. Seeing her lord and the enemy annihilate each other in a last move/countermove, she simply gave up and let the wormhole take her wherever fate decreed.

---------

Genma and Ranma looked up as a meteor left a flaming trail.

Genma wished for more food.

Ranma wished he could get some sleep.

The two began to get nervous as the meteor seemed to get closer and closer. The meteor crashed into the ground hard enough to send tremblers where they were.

"Ya s'pose it was a plane?" Ranma asked.

"We're going that way anyway," reckoned Genma. "We might as well check it out." Besides there might be valuables that survived the wreck. Like airplane food.

--------

RANMA 1/2: Rag Doll

--------

The Valley Of Jusenkyo, where over 100 springs had bamboo poles sticking up out of them. The Valley Of Cursed Springs, which were unchanged in hundreds of Ranma timelines.

Not this one though.

Something weighing roughly 500 pounds had impacted the ground at meteoric speeds. There was a large hole over there, filling with water, and there were burning bamboo poles and scorched walls, and a hut that looked as if someone had set a torch to it.

A dumpy looking fellow in a Mao suit was wrapping bandages around one leg and said something in Chinese.

The two looked around, drawn towards that single large bubbling crater.

Genma saw the gleam of metal within and figured that diving into the pool to look for survivors (or valuables) might be dangerous. "RANMA! Take a look!" (THWACK!)

Ranma tried to twist before hitting the water. He almost made it despite his near total surprise.

*SPLASH!*

Almost does not count in avoiding getting cursed at Jusenkyo.

--------

Two weeks later:

"They'll be here any moment now."

"I don't know," said Nabiki, pushing the glasses back on her nose. "How do we know this isn't some uncouth barbarian you're pushing us off on."

"You never know, Nabiki, he *might* be cute," disagreed Kasumi.

"Who knows, who cares, I've already *got* enough boyfriends," grumped Akane. "Can I borrow some smokes, Pop?"

"Akane, I wish you wouldn't do that in the house," Nabiki disagreed with the whole practice of chain smoking.

"Ah, who died and made *you* clan elder?" Akane waved off the objection.

------

Mimir's Well:

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!" Ranma practically erupted. "Kasumi's wearing a kimono? Nabiki's wearing glasses? Akane's wearing makeup and... that outfit... it's..."

"When their mother died, each of the Tendo girls reacted in a different manner. In most timelines: Kasumi adopts the mommy role, Nabiki becomes ever more greedy and possessive and manipulative, Akane finds solace in violence and approval from her father in her practice of the Art." A black cat explained. "In *this* reality it was quite different. Kasumi adopted the Heir To The School position, particularly her mother's school - the Tendo naginata-ryuu. She still does housework, but in this timeline she also seeks mastery of the martial arts. Nabiki turned her intellect to other pursuits and hopes to become a doctor. Akane found herself in her sister's shadows. With Kasumi more advanced in the art and a better cook, and Nabiki the popular smart girl, Akane had to find something else to define herself."

"And what did she mean 'boyfriends'?!"

"Well, nobody else was bringing any income into the household, and Nabiki has to worry about her image so that she can get into medical school eventually. After Akane found her mother's box of sex-toys..."

Ranma whimpered.

"On the one hand, you at least don't have to worry about her calling you a pervert."

-------

"That must be them!" Akane scrambled as she got up to run towards the door. She hoped he was older. Boys her age just didn't have any stamina. At least older men had some money.

"...well maybe he's cute..." Nabiki allowed that Kasumi might have an idea there.

Akane looked about. There was an older man, but he didn't look like much. Too portly, his gi was worn in a few places, and just the fact that he'd been out in the rain and too cheap to buy an umbrella was enough to indicate that this guy wouldn't be much fun at all. There *was* a younger and cuter boy with him, but too young to be any real...

Akane peered closer. Not a boy. A girl. She'd had some experience both with crossdressing and crossdressers. Not much fun at all. Phooey.

"...stupid old man..." said the girl with a glare at the older man.

"Excuse me, we're here to see Soun Tendo," began the old man.

"Yeah, you must be Genma Saotome and his 'son' Ranma. Hell, you idiot, couldn't you bring a *real* 'son'? A real stud-boy instead of some girl in guy's clothing." Akane waved it off. "Never mind, you're here, just don't get your hopes up. Neither of my sisters are interested in lesbian relationships. Believe me, I've tried!"

"AKANE!!" Nabiki looked thoroughly scandalized and stopped in the doorway.

Akane rolled her eyes. Why did she have to have a sister as prudish as Nabiki anyway? At least Kasumi showed interest in guys as potential sex partners, even though Akane suspected Kasumi had never done it. Nabiki would probably wait until after marriage. How boring!

----------

The three daughters stared after the explanation of Jusenkyo and curses that depended on what temperature water you were splashed with.

"So you're a girl *and* you're a guy?" Akane sat back and looked thoughtful. "Cool! I'd be able to demonstrate what gets a girl's motor running, and then you could do the same for me."

While the girls might have been a little freaked out by the curse, Akane was just plain freaking Ranma out. "W-w-w-what?!"

"Despite the redistribution of some mass to your breasts, there is clearly a loss of mass in your... feminine configuration." Nabiki frowned and started filling a page with equations as she tried to figure this out. "Where is the energy for this coming from? Where does the extra mass go? With the different size and displacement, how do the nerves and tissues stay connected through the transformation? What is the temperature threshold that decides if you're male or female? Why do you have seams on your upper arms in girl form?"

Kasumi merely sighed. While the boy was cute while male, he clearly was not up to meeting potential lifemates at this point.

Ranma had shuddered at Akane's comment, couldn't understand Nabiki's, and just observed Kasumi's disappointment.

"So, does that mean you want to be the one to marry him, Akane?" Hope seeped into Soun's voice at the thought of his youngest daughter gaining some respectability.

"Tie myself down to *one* guy?" Akane stared at her father. "What have you been smoking and why aren't you sharing? No, I'm talking about maybe a couple of weeks. Heck with him being a guy and a girl, he might last a month before I get tired of him."

Ranma shuddered a lot. Finally her arm vents opened and sent a quick blast of steam out.

Even more stares.

"Hey, I was born a guy! It's just my curse that turns me into some mechanical girl!" Ranma immediately got very defensive.

Nabiki looked thoughtful again. "So, up the mass by quite a large factor. Maybe I should conduct a medical exam, it might produce some useful data."

Kasumi was more intrigued now. "Does your strength and speed increase in your cursed form? Do you want to spar?"

"Well, something kinda happened last time I fought a girl," said Ranma, wincing at the memory.

---------

Ranma tried to crack her knuckles while she waited for the signal. The girl at the other end of the log just looked ticked off.

The girl raced across the log, and Ranma leisurely kicked out in a legsweep.

The impact point was instead the girl's weapons as *something* took over. Shampoo caught the kick with a crossed weapon block.

"Aiiiiiiii-"

The entire village stared as their champion was knocked from the challenge log and went flying.

"-yaaaaaaaaaaa" (THWAM!) The girl went through a roof. "ya" (WHAM!) Out the other side. "aa" (CRASH!) Outer village wall. "..." (CRUNCH!) Impacting a tree on the other side of that wall with enough force that the tree fell down.

There was considerable nervousness in the village as Shampoo was found and brought back. Some relief at the news that Shampoo was still alive.

"For the honor of the village!" One girl raced forward to restrain the Outsider, followed by several others.

:Initiating Self Defense Protocol.

(WHAM!) (BAM!) (BODYSLAM!) (BIFF!) (BOP!) (BASH!)

Genma stared as Ranma finally tired of this assault, ripped the Challenge Log free of its moorings and began swinging it like a baseball bat.

--------

"...so after we found out we weren't welcome we escaped," continued Ranma.

Kasumi looked more intrigued. "What about physical toughness? Can you take it as well as dish it out?"

"Well some guy in white robes tried to cut me in half with a sword from behind in that fight, and he broke his sword so I'd hafta say 'yeah' to that."

"Well, Kasumi," began the hopeful Soun. "Do *you* want to take up this marriage?"

"More a sparring partner, Father," replied Kasumi though she was still thoughtful. "I could use an opponent that I don't have to hold back against."

The two fathers looked at each other and nodded as one. "Then it's decided, Nabiki will marry Ranma."

That woke Nabiki up from making a list of what sort of equipment she'd need to give Ranma a physical. "WHAT?! What about my plans to become a doctor?!"

"Nabiki! It is a matter of family honor!"

"He's an uncouth barbarian! I plan to be a doctor! How am I going to get through medical school with some knuckle-dragging martial artist expecting me to play hausfrau?! Uhm. No offense, Ranma. No offense, Kasumi."

"What's a hausfrau?" Ranma scratched his head at that.

"Not me," said Nabiki, standing up. "Father, I thought you approved of my studies. That my grades and my goal mattered to you. Clearly I see that I was wrong. That my own oath - that never again would I be helpless while someone went through what Mother did - has no place in this plan you just dropped on us out of the blue. Fine. I shall be Ranma's fiance if you require this of me."

"Uhm, excuse me," said Ranma.

"Oh happy day, the houses will be joined!" Soun began weeping happily and hugging Genma.

"However, I shall hate you forever for this. For making me break my personal oath to mother, you have shown me that you care for your children not at all." Nabiki was building up a good head of steam on this. "I will *never* forgive you for this, Father."

"Uhm, excuse me," repeated Ranma.

"Let's call the priest right away, Saotome," exclaimed Soun happily.

"They're a perfect couple," declared Genma.

"That's it, I'm out of here," said Ranma to absolutely no one in particular. "This isn't right at all."

"First sensible suggestion I've heard today," seconded Kasumi.

"Bye you two," said Akane before she pulled out her little black book. "Let's see..."

--------

Ranma walked a few feet behind his new iinazuke. He didn't get this at all. Sure the girl was cute but she seemed to regard him like he should be wearing a loincloth and swinging through trees and was going to singlehandedly destroy her reputation in the first five minutes at school and doom her to a life where she was chained to the kitchen sink.

Ranma had never really known any women before, and was having a hard time understanding the three Tendo girls.

And what did that Akane mean by he "wouldn't be able to keep up" - that girl wasn't particularly fast or nothing!

Bad enough stupid oyaji going on and on about family honor. Like *he* had ever set a particularly good example of anything to do with honor.

Akane was, well, strange. What did she mean by checking his shoe size? What did chocolate sauce and strawberry jam have to do with dating? And what the heck was she doing with handcuffs and a whip in his room this morning?!!

Nabiki - well. Cute enough. Just that she felt that marrying him would destroy her dreams, permanently cripple her, and singlehandedly destroy Japan's current economic boom. Ranma wasn't sure but he thought she thought of something as more important than martial arts. Whatever *that* could be.

Kasumi was at least a martial artist. From what Ranma could see - a *good* martial artist. Not a move wasted, completely centered and at peace, probably nearly as good as he was. Sparring with her should be interesting. Absolutely not interested in him except as a sparring partner.

"Man," said Ranma as Nabiki pulled ahead. "If I had to have some girl as a fiancee, and I'm not sayin' I want one cause I don't, why couldn't it have been someone who didn't carry on like I'm the worst marriage choice on the planet?"

"AAA CHOO!"

Ranma wondered if this was an omen.

"RANMA! PREPARE TO DIE!"

-----

Mimir's Well:

"HOLD IT! HOLD EVERYTHING!" Ranma snarled. "How the heck did she show up this early?! I haven't even met Kuno yet!"

Bast rewound to the scene where Ranma defeats half of the Amazon nation.

"But SHE isn't no Amazon!"

"No, but look at this flashback then."

-----

"Is good," said the girl with the two handed sword. "Is cabbage and bonito and Sugar not sure what else."

"It's called okonomiyaki," said Ukyo proudly. "Best in this area, at the least!"

"Yes, is very good. No have food like this in village. Sash or Tigar sometime make foreign dish is similar. Spice sometime make Thai food, but this different." Sugar nodded. "If you ever in China - Bayankala mountain range Qinghai province - you stop by. Do good business, Sugar think."

Ukyo smiled in return, but then let her puzzlement show. "Say, sugar, howcome you all are so far away from your village? Some kind of convention."

"Oh we here to avenge great dishonor. Outsider girl come and defeat in combat. We declare to track and kill. Then Sugar point out Jusenkyo Guide, we talk Guide and find out girl is guy."

Ukyo nodded at that. Some crossdresser like Tsubasa no doubt. "Well, you all are certainly well armed."

"Yes, but as is boy not girl, law get complicated." Sugar gestured. "Tigar best tracker in village. She help find, it go fast. Now when find will be race. One who kiss Ranma Saotome have first claim, whether to kill or marry."

"?!" Ukyo froze. "Excuse me. Could you repeat that name again."

"We find at restaurant. Name of outsider is Ranma Saotome," Sugar looked curiously at the girl. "You feel okay? Sugar have medicine if you needs."

-------

Nabiki turned back to Ranma as she heard the yell, then stared.

Ranma was very very good at the martial arts.

If this had been a normal universe, Nabiki would have drawn parallels between this fight and Akane's fights against the Horde O' Hentai. This Nabiki was not familiar with the concept as *her* Akane had had one night stands with most of the school. Most of whom had since turned towards less demanding and bizarre girls with an occasional side order of Akane.

The other problem with that parallel was that these girls were a good deal better than that same Horde, and could grasp basic tactics as well.

So Nabiki was treated to the sight of a number (31) of girls in brightly colorful Chinese outfits, plus some bishonen with a big spatula, swarming over Ranma like white on rice.

She didn't know that Ranma could have taken on Ukyo in one-on-one. Same with Shampoo. He could readily have defeated Rin Rin & Ran Ran, Sugar & Spice, or another of the twin weapons pairs. He could have taken on most of the others and handily crushed them, because he was nearly as good a martial artist as he thought he was.

Taking on Ukyo, Shampoo, Sugar & Spice, Rin Rin & Ran Ran, Tigar, Fleece, Vanilla, Chocolate, Strawberry, Pai Chi, Tien Tsing, Chun Han, Azure, and Mei Mei along with the others? When they were rotating in and out, coordinating attacks?

Ranma found himself getting pounded.

While he was stunned, he found a pair of lips brought up against his own. Then he was *really* stunned.

-------

Pulling the okonomiyaki chef off of Ranma, Sugar confronted her about this. "What you do?!"

Ukyo grinned back. "Sugar, you told me that per your laws, the first gal to kiss Ranma could decide whether to marry or kill him. Ten years I've been hunting this jackass, and I'm not about to let someone deprive me of my vengeance!"

"Huh?!" Ranma stared. He'd just been kissed. By a guy. While he *was* a guy. "A GUY kissed me? A guy KISSED me. A guy kissed ME. You... you... PERVERT!"

Ukyo prepared to turn and yell something about vengeance, when the comment about being a guy struck home. "Hey, you jack-URK!"

Hitting some pervert guy once was not enough for Ranma. For taking the First Person Kissed position, something special to most Japanese, this was not tolerable.

(WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM)

Ranma ran off in search of mouthwash.

Sugar tsked as she looked down at the chef, who had been driven into the ground like a tent peg with her own spatula. "That what you get you mess with Amazons. You outsider, you no count."

"Think wait for airen calm down, he not like being kissed," suggested Spice.

Much nodding and agreement from the rest of the Amazons.

--------

Ranma got into the bathroom after school, and proceeded to once again wash his mouth out. Ick. Having boys hit on him was just so *wrong.*

"Ahem," said a voice.

Slowly Ranma turned around. Akane was in the tub. Naked.

"Come on in, the water's fine," suggested Akane, waggling her eyebrows. "I'll scrub your back if you'll scrub mine!"

Ranma covered his eyes. "No! Sorry! I didn't see nothin'!"

"You..." Akane's eyes narrowed and she stood, getting angry. "YOU PRUDE! How dare you not ogle me!"

"I..."

(WHAM WHAM WHAM!)

"owie."

--------

Ranma woke up from another dream. Yet another dream of the mechanical girl who had died at Jusenkyo. Another dream of life and love and battles against some great menace.

He realized these were just memories left over from the previous tenant. However, they made a lot more sense than his day to day existence, so it was difficult not to think of them.

Wait a minute. He'd gone to bed male, how come he was a girl now?

"Genma Saotome. Now deal with the child you left behind!"

Hey, that was the boy from yesterday. Child left behind? That meant...

Akane stopped outside the door. "Hmmm. Wouldn't have thought the old bugger had it in him."

Ranma began waving away the cloud of cigarette smoke coming off of the youngest Tendo. "Huh?"

"That's his 'love-child', don't you get it?" Akane gestured with her morning cigarette. "Ukyo Kuonji is your half-sister."

"He's a she," picked Ranma up hopefully. Being kissed by a girl was not nearly so bad as being kissed by a boy.

"Yeah. Not much of a figure," complained Akane. "Oh, and Kasumi wants to spar with you before you do the wash."

---===

NOTES:
i just wanted to monkey with the concept of a marionette Ranma-chan.

The "what if the Tendos had turned out differently" concept might be worth exploring with a more mainstream Ranma. The basic idea is that their focus is altered, but their approaches are similar to the source material. So, if one keeps Kasumi as the "traditionalist" or slightly ditzy/oblivious or spiritual, Nabiki as the intellectual, Akane as the physical in how they approach things...

*Can you picture Kasumi as a nursing student, holding down a part time job and not at the house all the time?
*Nabiki adopting the housewife mode, or wanting to pursue her own career as a detective?
*Akane the goth?
*or any number of other possibilities along those lines?