Card Captor Sakura Fan Fiction ❯ What I Didn't Know ❯ Relief ( Chapter 10 )

What I Didn't Know

Chapter 10-Relief

"Kanpai!"

The four of us clinked our glasses together in celebration of the last day of school, and, more importantly, my very last day of high school forever. I wasn't going to miss that place at all. Seijou didn't hold any bad memories for me, necessarily, but I was just ready to move on. Plus, no more uniform.

"And congratulations to our two graduates who'll be starting at university in two weeks," 'tou-san added, and we refilled our glasses to clink them again.

"What about me?" Sakura asked dejectedly, looking from 'tou-san, to me, and then to Yuki. "I passed math and everything!"

"To Sakura-chan," Yuki offered, and Sakura smiled brightly at the attention.

"How exactly she passed math, the world may never know," I added with an indulgent smirk in her direction. She just offered a sweet expression in return, but there was fire in her green eyes.

All in all, the past week had been very good to me. There was the whole situation with Yuki, of course. And Akizuki had gone back to England, which at the very least deserved the declaration of some sort of national holiday. But when I found out that the Chinese gaki went back to his place of spawning, I had to restrain myself from jumping for joy. He was Sakura's friend, and she obviously missed him, and I could sympathize with that, up to a point. But in a wonderful little corner of my mind, it was all confetti and fireworks. It probably wouldn't do to have an actual "Good Riddance" party, but that's what it felt like to me.

We finished our drinks and the lemon cake 'tou-san had made for the occasion, discussing our plans for the next few days we had free. Yuki was going to work with me at the bookstore on campus, and Sakura was going on an overnight trip into the city with Tomoyo and her mother. That left poor 'tou-san, who, unfortunately, didn't get much chance to play, as he had to prepare for the new term and a presentation for the historical society. How he did it all, I couldn't begin to imagine.

When there was a natural pause in the conversation, I gave both Sakura and Yuki a measured look. We'd been debating when to tell our father about our little adventures of the past months, and this was as good a time as any. For one, we were all present, and for two, 'tou-san was on his second drink, which would surely make it much easier for him to accept our slightly unbelievable tale.

Sakura then shared a look with Yuki, and he nodded. She nodded back and got up from the sofa. "I have to get something from my room," she said with shaky cheer. "Nobody go anywhere, okay?"

That left the three of us to sit in silence and regard each other carefully. I checked to make sure Yuki was ready to reveal his true identity to someone else, and he gave me a nervous smile. I barely stopped myself from clasping his hand and transferring my strength to him. His hazel eyes met mine warmly, telling me that he knew what I was thinking, and that was enough to make him relax.

My eyes traveled over to 'tou-san, who had a little smile of his own. As always, his expression was serene and just a bit mysterious, as if he had knowledge of things he shouldn't. It must be part of being a parent. Parents seemed to know everything, no matter how much you tried to hide it.

He'd been observing our unspoken exchange and lifted his eyebrows inquisitively. "Something you want to tell me?" he asked, and it sounded like he was trying not to laugh.

Like a jet plane, his meaning went right over my head. "When Sakura gets back," I replied. "This is mainly about her, after all."

Now my father looked confused. "Oh? But I thought-"

Sakura came back into the room as quietly as a mouse, and I only noticed when Yuki's and 'tou-san's expressions changed. One had magical perception, and the other parental. Why couldn't I develop some sort of instinct when it came to her? What kind of brother was I if I couldn't even keep track of her and watch out for her properly?

She stood before us, clutching her pink book in one hand and the yellow plushie in the other. She shifted from one foot to the other, obviously wondering how to begin. She looked to Yuki again-something she seemed to do a lot lately-and he gave her an encouraging smile. That shouldn't have bothered me, but a tiny voice told me that my position as onii-chan was in danger of being usurped. At the very least, I'd have to share the honor. Except Yuki was the nice one, and I was the mean one. Well, I could deal with that.

"Otou-san," Sakura said anxiously. "There's someone you need to meet." His eyebrows were again inquisitive. "Please don't get upset," she continued quickly. "We'll explain everything."

She let go of the plushie, and he hovered in the air on his own with a slight flutter of his wings. "Hello," Kerberos said cheerfully with high-pitched enthusiasm. "It's nice to finally meet you."

My father, always one to remain composed no matter what the situation, could only reply calmly, "Yes. Thank you." It was an automatic response, because only when the words were out did he realize what he'd said. "Dear God, it talks!"

The rest of us found this extremely funny for some reason, and we all laughed from a combination of nervousness and relief. Only 'tou-san could express surprise in such a polite manner. Oh, a talking stuffed animal. How unusual. More tea, anyone?

He then shook the ice cubes in his otherwise empty glass, possibly considering that his two drinks were responsible for this strange hallucination. "You all heard that, right? It wasn't just me?"

Kerberos floated over to my father and nodded. "That's right. I am Kerberos, the Guardian Beast of the Seal." It was the same way he'd introduced himself to me, only 'tou-san didn't snicker like I had. He was taking this very seriously.

"The Guardian what?" He looked to me, but I pointed to Sakura. This was her story, not mine. I was just an observer here. And a very entertained one.

Sakura brought her book over and sat on the sofa's arm next to our father. "Do you remember this book?" she asked. "I found it in the basement two years ago. It looked a little different then. It was red and said 'Clow' instead of 'Sakura,' but it's the same book."

"I think I have a vague recollection of that," he answered, his confused eyes still on the animated plushie. "I don't know where it came from. It's just something I've always had."

She proceeded to tell him about opening the book and scattering the cards, casting an annoyed glance at her guardian beast, who had been sleeping at the time and thus let the cards get away. Of course, at this point, Kerberos had to argue with her about who was responsible for what, and 'tou-san's eyes bounced back and forth between the two of them as if he were watching a heated tennis match.

While the three of them were engaged in getting the whole story told, complete with questions from 'tou-san and revisionist history from the plushie, I found myself distracted. Sometime during all of this, Yuki's hand had found its way onto mine. I looked at him, expecting to see some sort of secret smile, but instead he looked worried. "Maybe I shouldn't be here," he whispered. "How is he going to feel when he finds out what I did to Sakura-chan?"

My fingers curled around his, and I gave his hand a quick squeeze. "It wasn't you," I reminded him quietly. "It was Yue, and he was just doing his job. Everything worked out just as it was supposed to. We all understand that."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

It was suddenly silent in the room. We both felt our faces flush as we turned and found three pairs of curious eyes regarding us. I snatched my hand away, not missing the brief flash of hurt in Yuki's eyes. I regretted it as soon as I did it. It was a reflex. It had nothing to do with him. It was all about me and my reluctance to show affection so obviously in front of other people, even if they were my family. I was going to have to apologize to him later.

My father graciously ignored the hand-holding and focused on the topic of discussion. "So," he said, addressing Yuki, "you have magic, too?"

"Well, yes and no," Yuki answered, keeping a slight distance from me now. That hurt, but I deserved it. "Yue is the magical part of me. Or, rather, I'm the non-magical part of him. I only found out about him recently, myself." He said this with a self-conscious laugh.

If 'tou-san was able to accept a talking toy, then this was a little harder to comprehend. "But, you're the same person, right?"

"Yes, but, not exactly." He looked to Sakura for help, but she shrugged. She couldn't explain it any better, and I knew I couldn't, either.

"Yue-san is my guardian, like Kero-chan," she said. "But when he's not needed, we get to have Yukito-san, instead." She said this happily, making sure Yuki knew that his company was always appreciated, and usually preferred.

My father nodded and then looked at me. "I have a feeling you fit into all this somehow." I'd kept quiet for most of the discussion, because most of what I knew I'd only heard about, rather than being directly involved in any of it. My part was minor and very recent.

So I nodded back at him. "With Sakura's magic power still maturing," I said, for lack of a better way to phrase it, "she didn't have much energy to spare. And since Yue required magic energy to sustain him, he had to find another source."

I waited to see if he understood what I meant. I could tell he was trying to. "So, that's why he needs to be near you? To draw on your energy?"

I knew he didn't mean to make Yue sound like a parasite, but Yuki did flinch a little at this description. Maybe it was residual guilt. "Actually, I gave him my magic. I don't have... I'm just normal now."

My father was an extremely intelligent man, and his ability to put facts together and draw accurate conclusions was what made him such a brilliant historian. "That's why you were sleeping all the time, and eating like food was going out of style."

I grinned sheepishly. "Pretty much."

Then he looked at Yuki again. "But you're still eating like that. Does that mean-?"

"Oh, no," Yuki reassured him before he could finish. "I just like food. It's something Kerberos-san and I have in common."

"This all makes sense now," 'tou-san said with obvious relief. We all exchanged glances, wondering ourselves if maybe he'd had a bit too much to drink. There was no way this could possibly make sense to anyone. I still had trouble sometimes. "No matter how much food I buy, it's always disappearing. I thought I was losing my mind."

"Sorry about that," Kerberos answered. He was sitting on the table with a fork in his little paw and a crumb-filled plate in front of him. "But this cake is delicious." He'd managed to finish it off while we were talking.

"Kero-chan!" Sakura used this opportunity to chastise her gluttonous guardian and send him upstairs, which would have been more of a punishment if his video game system hadn't been in her room.

After we finally finished the long and tangled story, my father collected the dishes to take to the kitchen, and Yuki and I helped, carrying the glasses. "So, everything's okay now, right?"

"Yeah, it's fine," I answered. "You're taking all this really well."

He gave us a weary smile. "I don't think it has all sunk in yet. Part of me keeps expecting to wake up at any second. I mean, the magic doesn't really surprise me. I always knew that you children were gifted. But, this talk of judgments and battles and tests...." Thinking about it was making him worry retroactively. "And Sakura-san is all right? I can't believe she's been in some kind of danger all this time, and-"

"She's okay," I assured him. "It's all over now. And she was never alone in this."

"That's right," Yuki added. "I know Li-kun was always with her, and Yue and Kerberos-san are her protectors."

"And she's actually very brave and capable," I said, tossing a quick glance behind me to make sure she didn't hear that. She was still cleaning up the living room and therefore out of earshot. "You'd be proud of her."

"I am. But I still think I need to lie down before dinner." My father was too understanding and accepting for his own good sometimes, because we'd taken advantage of that. He was obviously overwhelmed by all of this, but there wasn't any other way to tell him. We had to tell it all at once. "And you two? Anything else you want to say?" he asked with a pointed look.

"No, I think we covered it all," I replied.

But after 'tou-san went upstairs, Yuki turned to me with an annoyed look of his own. "He knows."

"Yeah, we just told him."

He took my hand and grasped it tightly, raising them both together to make sure I got his point. "No, I mean he knows." Then he dropped my hand just as quickly as he'd taken it.

"Oh." Of course he knew. Like I said, very little gets past my father. And our holding hands on the couch was a pretty big clue.

"Oh? That's all you have to say?" he asked, sounding upset. "He asked us twice about it, and both times, you let it go."

Because I'd been completely oblivious. "Now, Yuki-"

"Are you embarrassed about this or something?"

"What? No." This was bad. I'd honestly had no idea, though I probably should have. "You know I love you, but-"

"There's a 'but?'"

Oh, God. There was a "but."

There was something that I hadn't told Yuki, and that was that it still hurt to be around him. Having him nearby just intensified the feeling of emptiness that wouldn't go away. It wasn't as unbearable as it had been that first week, and most days, I was able to banish it to the back of my mind, but it was always there. I'd finally come to accept that.

But when we were together, it was like my soul recognized its missing piece in him. And rather than being comforted by its presence, it wanted to reclaim what it had lost.

It wasn't his fault, and there was nothing he could do about it. It was something I had to live with. I didn't want him feeling guilty on top of everything else. I just wanted everything to be normal. Was that so much?

"But," I continued, letting less than a second go by as I contemplated what I was really feeling, "I don't know why we have to go announcing it. If he knows, that's fine. I want him to know."

"But," Yuki said, mimicking my reluctant tone as he stepped closer to me, "a private person such as yourself isn't comfortable with big scenes, and you'd prefer everyone just assume that we're together and leave it at that."

That was exactly right. "It sounds so bad when you say it."

He actually laughed at that. "I know how you are."

"It's just... it's my life, you know? Why is it anyone else's business?"

"You're right," he conceded. "But since it's mine, too, I think your family deserves to know without having to assume, and I should be able to tell people if I want to."

That was fair enough, so I nodded. Although I was curious as to what he meant by that. "Like who?"

"Like... Akizuki-san, for example?" he said with a mischievous sparkle in his hazel eyes. "Can I tell her?"

"Oh, God, please do," I replied with an exasperated sigh. "Just in case being halfway around the world isn't enough to discourage her."

"Quite an ego on you, Kinomoto. Do you think she's desperately pining away for you?" he teased.

I doubted it, but there was something ego-boosting about the thought. "Wouldn't you be?" I retorted as seriously as I could.

He rolled his eyes. "Please. Like I couldn't do better."

"Idiot." I really did have a bad habit of keeping my feelings inside, of wanting things to be private. I needed to learn to consider what he wanted, too. "I do love you, you know."

"I know. Me, too."

He was looking at me with the most amazing expression, and I felt an overwhelming urge to kiss him. My hand found his cheek, and his rested on my waist, but before our lips could meet, I heard a loud squeal, and I jumped away from him in shock.

Sakura had chosen that moment to come into the kitchen. There was a look of utter delight on her face, and she clapped her hands with excitement. "I knew it!"

She skipped over to me and tried to hug me, while at the same time I pretended to push her away. "Quit it! You're getting your kaijuu germs all over me," I protested weakly.

As usual, she paid no attention, and she pulled me down to her level. "You'd better be nice to him," she whispered sternly. Then she hugged Yuki, and I could have sworn she whispered the exact same thing to him. He looked at me over the top of her head and gave me a smile that said we'd pick up where we left off later.

So now Sakura knew, and 'tou-san knew. Our little secret was out. I should have been relieved. I was. This was what I wanted, and I was happy. Right?

But there was still a nagging uneasiness tugging at my mind, and I knew it wouldn't stop until I'd found something to fill that void in me. And I knew I'd have to find it, whatever it was, on my own.

And when I did, then I'd be whole again.

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