Card Captor Sakura Fan Fiction ❯ Wish Unbroken, Dream Unspoken ❯ Chapter 2

Two

Touya didn't sleep that night. He was in no condition to go to work, not in this frame of mind and not feeling this groggy, so he called in and turned around to lie back in bed again. As he stumbled back to his room with eyes only half open he wondered if Yukito had slept any better. Probably not, but what could he do about it?

As the sun hit his window the air began to warm and grow heavy. He simply collapsed onto his bed, pressing his face deep into the pillow at first to try to shut out the world. It would be too bright and warm now to sleep, but he needed rest. He rolled over onto his back and draped an arm over his eyes. The slight pressure produced a swirl of multicolored fractal designs to dance in his vision, and that with the lightheadedness of sleep deprivation made him feel like he was flying through some alternate dimension. He smiled, thinking of escape from it all, but his imagination betrayed him. He remembered thinking when he was little that this was what a magic carpet ride might feel like, and magic made him think of Yue, and thinking of Yue brought the world crashing down on him again as he remembered the look of hurt confusion on Yukito's face.

He rolled onto his side restlessly, wishing for a reprieve, but not able to find a way to block the thought from his mind. He heard Sakura stirring in the other room and decided that this would be a perfect time to put his headphones on and crank the stereo. He could lose himself in the music; forget his soul behind the cries of dark lyrics being pushed out by a tenor straining the limits of his voice. He wanted to be lost in someone else's misery so his own could hide backstage.

He sat down on the edge of his bead as the music began, staring off into space as the words slipped over him and the ringing guitar ran through him. He hadn't taken time to just sit and listen like this in almost two years. When Kaho had left, he couldn't be torn away from his stereo and music collection. Since he met Yukito most of the CDs had collected dust and the headphones had been virtually untouched.

That thought hit like a brick between the eyes, and he toppled over sideways on the bed. It was infinitely frustrating that he couldn't even escape through his music anymore. He tried to just concentrate on the music again, but he caught movement out of the corner of his eye and noticed his father poking his head in the door. He must have missed hearing the knock because of the music. With a heavy sigh he pulled off the headphones and turned off the music.

"Touya-kun, are you okay?"

He shrugged, sitting with his back against the wall. "It was a rough night, that's all."

When Fujitaka nodded there was a look in his eyes that was a little too understanding. "Should I tell Tsukishiro-kun that you aren't feeling well?"

"What?"

"He's at the front door, waiting for you. You probably didn't hear the door over your music. I tried to invite him in, but--"

Touya stood immediately. "Give me a minute, I'll be right down."

Fujitaka shook his head as he closed the door, but it was a gesture Touya didn't acknowledge. Instead Touya was looking down at his clothes, realizing that he had never changed because he had never had any intentions of sleeping. He changed quickly, throwing his old clothes sloppily on the bed this once. That was the last thing he could bring himself to do quickly though; as soon as he reached the stairs anxiety gripped his heart and he descended with hesitant trepidation. He heard conversation below as he took each step one at a time. Sakura's enthusiastic voice drifted up like bells on New Year's Day. Yukito laughed in reply, but if he spoke his voice was too soft to reach Touya's ears. He then heard his father's deeper voice say something about breakfast. Touya reached the bottom stair at last, hearing Yukito decline politely.

"I don't know if I'll be here that long," came the soft reply as Touya set his other foot on the bottom step. The urge to run back up the stairs and hide in his room was nearly overwhelming, but he would never fix this if he kept running away. With a great effort of will he put the stairs behind him and entered the living room. Sakura was looking up at Yukito with her huge emerald eyes with an expression of confused hurt at his statement. She looked over at Touya accusingly, but followed her dad into the kitchen.

The two of them were left alone in the room, staring at each other while Sakura was talking cheerfully in the kitchen. Neither one really paid attention to her chattering on though, trapped in each other's gaze. They were silent for a long time as they tried to come up with something to say.

"Yuki--"

"We need to talk."

Touya just nodded, wondering if Yukito had even heard his own attempt to start the conversation. "I--I don't want to talk about it here where they can hear. I don't want to upset Sakura."

Those seemed to be the right words, for Yukito's face softened and he nodded. Without even thinking they went upstairs to Touya's room.

Yukito's heart fluttered nervously as he followed his best friend up the stairs. It would have been perfectly natural before last night, but now his feet felt like they were made of lead. It didn't feel the same to be taking these steps after what happened last night.

He couldn't believe how fast he found himself already there, standing in the doorway of Touya's room. This is where he hesitated, suddenly unsure of the closed space and the sheer intimacy implied in walking into his friend's bedroom. With a deep breath he took that extra step and closed the door behind him. Neither smiled as they turned to each other, standing awkwardly in the middle of the room.

Yukito looked away first, his eyes falling on the rumpled mess of Touya's bed. It was still made, but more wrinkled than usual, and clothes were tossed in a haphazard way across the sheets. "Didn't you get any sleep last night?"

Touya flushed, grabbing the dirty clothes and tossing them in the hamper. "No."

Yukito thought back to how he had fallen asleep on the roof despite the circles his mind ran in. He had woken up shortly after sunrise at the feel of the roof warming under him and the bright light piercing through his eyelids. The last thing he had expected was to be able to fall asleep in the first place, but a few hours of silent tears had drained him of all energy. Only the need of a resolution had enabled him to come over instead of withdrawing to his room where no one would disturb him.

"Why did you do it, Touya?"

Touya ran a hand over his face, clearly stalling while he thought about it. He finally looked Yukito in the eye and shrugged. "I didn't."

Yukito blinked in surprise. "What? But you said...last night...you...he...."

"He kissed me."

Silence ruled the room for a while again. Finally Yukito plopped down on Touya's still unmade bed, shoulders slumped as if he were deflating. "Oh."

"Yeah," Touya agreed as he sat next to his friend. The tension in the air wasn't released at all though and neither could bring themselves to look at the other still.

"Then, when I asked you, why did you say you were kissing him?"

Touya shrugged. "I don't know. I wasn't thinking very clearly. It was so unexpected."

When Yukito shifted to look his friend in the eye, the truth was written there plainly. He knew his friend was being honest, but he somehow also knew that there was more to it than that. "Touya, did you like it?"

The larger boy inhaled sharply, pulling back instinctively. He tried to speak, tried to deny it, but he couldn't force the sound out. He stood and moved as if to start pacing, but Yukito stood in his way, looking every bit the concerned best friend. Nothing more, nothing less, despite the inner turmoil this development had started in him.

Touya finally gave in, looking away as he nodded. "Yeah, I did."

Yukito nodded, swallowing around a lump that had formed in his chest as he called forth the smile that came so easily to him. "You like him, don't you?"

Shock washed across the other's face, followed by stunned and surprised. Touya was staring speechless at his best friend for a long time. "I, Yuki, what--?"

He leaned in closer, noticing the dark blush that barely touched Touya's face. Not many would have noticed, but Yukito had made it a point to study his friend closely. Everything about him was subtle, but the hints were always there for those who looked. "Okay, then I'll help you."

"What?"

Yukito's smile grew painfully wide, but it was all he could do to keep in the scream. "Isn't that what best friends are for?" He left the smile on his face a while longer while Touya only stared. Yukito mustered a laugh as he pushed his glasses further up on his nose, then pushed his friend back on the bed. "Maybe it will make sense after you get some sleep. Call me later and we'll talk then. Okay?"

He left without getting an answer. Touya hadn't gotten the shocked expression off of his face, and speaking was clearly beyond his abilities right now. Yukito said a cheerful farewell to Touya's dad and sister, smiling until the door shut behind him. He kept his expression carefully neutral, ready to smile if anyone came from the Kinomoto household about something he forgot, or something they forgot to tell him. After he rounded the corner though he began to feel his control slipping. His eyes burned with unshed tears. His breathing became quicker and shallow. He wanted to run home as fast as he could, but he still held himself in check. He tried not to think, tried not to feel, but waves of images and snatches of remembered conversation crashed around him, threatening to break his control.

He made it home safely, made it to his room and his only haven. He sat down heavily, pulling his knees to his chest and trying still not to cry. One thought kept going through his head, a consolation and a curse. Maybe if he loves my true self I can find some happiness through them. It's almost like he loves me, in a way he does. Right?

He found his misery lulling him to sleep yet again.