Crossover Fan Fiction / Card Captor Sakura Fan Fiction / Sonic Series Fan Fiction ❯ The Chaos was Here ❯ Part 7 ( Chapter 7 )

WTF (a.k.a. The Chaos was Here...)

an INSANE Humor/Parody fic by TheFellow3J

 

Disclaimer: I don't own shit.

 

Warning: This fic features all kinds of shit not meant for little punk ass children, like cursing, OOC-ness, cursing, Lesbos, cursing, a slut auction, and Chucky, among MANY other things. If you've EVER seen “Tails Gets Twisted...” well, know that this piece of shit ain't nothing like it...

 

Starring Kirby, Conker the Squirrel and Link

 

Part 7

 

The following is a game. There's nothing good about it. Here's the deal.

 

Sakura and Meiling have been placed at two different positions in a section of Gaia. They need to find the caged Tomoyo before anyone else does, especially the opponent. Now then, Kirby has restructured the energy within Tomoyo to allow the first wish spoken by whoever can hug Tomoyo first to be granted without question. Needless to say, EVERYONE (save for Conker, Kirby and Link... and one other) is now looking for Tomoyo. What? Do I, the noble narrator, know where Tomoyo is? I ain't telling you... or the seekers, IF our paths happen to cross. Instead, Chucky'll go berserk on them, with euphoria.

 

And so the search begins. (Just remember: Gaia is THE MOST DIVERSIVE planet. Period. Strange that the source of the chaos is not here...)

 

(???: “That's because it left a “Chaos was here.” sign about five parts ago, and no one saw it.” Hmmm... whatever.)

 

Depths of a jungle. Meiling: “I've gotta find that bitch before my Sakura does!” (Kirby: “Think she can do it?” Link: “It all remains to be seen.”) Meiling started running through the jungle and tripped on a branch on the ground. Meiling: “WHA! OW!” Of course, she landed in mud. Meiling: “Dammit! It just HAD to be wet here!” Mosquitoes came and darted for the now muddy and wet girl. She ran like a pussy cat. (Kirby: “Nah, that ain't enough.” Conker: “Hey, it was actually normal there.”)

 

The city of… hell no. Not Townsville. We don't need no stinkin' Powerpuff Girls. Now then…

 

…Alexandria. Conker: “This is a city now?” Link: “Lindblum cracked down and got the entire continent upgraded. Now they are on the technological level of 15th century Earth. With certain… additions…” Sakura looked around the improved castle town. Sakura: “Tomoyo! Where are you?” Kirby walked up to her. Kirby: “Uh, trust me. She's not here. Find another city.” Somewhere far away they could hear a young girl curse the luck loudly. This was followed by an avalanche. And a scream for help. Conker: “Did anyone hear anything the text just described?” Kirby: “I didn't.” Me neither.

After a few minutes, Sakura came across a poster. “The chaos was here.” Sakura: “What in the world?” Now, what do you think happened to poor Alexandria? Let's start off with a plague of roaches. Conker, Kirby and Link immediately took to the air. Just like Neo. Link: “It is to be expected that we would be rendered somewhat impervious to these events during this contest.” Sakura: “No way! Fiery, let's go!” Sakura summoned the Fiery to do away with the filth. The roaches became enflamed roaches. They didn't die. Sakura: “Ain't this a tri…” Conker: “She's still out-of-character.” Kirby: “GTA will do that to you.” Sakura summoned The Windy and blew the roaches away. Sakura: “Whew. Thanks Windy!” Windy dispersed. Then the roaches flew back into town.

Sakura: “Dangit! This is crazy! Wood, squish these things!” She summoned wood, but then a fleet of termites came out of nowhere and… ???: “WE GET THE IDEA!” Conker: “Maybe she should leave. Go to Conde Petite or something.” Sakura summoned the Watery and made a tidal wave wash all the critters to the rivers. Away they went. Then Conker went into the Matrix and blasted the “Worm@bugGenerator.klez32” virus out of commission. He returned to the air. Kirby: “I thought there was something weird about roaches around water.”

Sakura breathed deeply, having just saved the castle city from destruction by critters. Tons of folk came out of nowhere with flaming torches. “WITCH! DIE EVIL HEX OF HELL!!!” Sakura: “What!? I…” Villager: “GET HER! KILL HER! BURN HER AT THE STAKE!” Kirby: “She better get the hell out of there! I need her!”

 

Plains of the Zenan Continent. Meiling trudged along the path, still dirty from that fall in the mud. “I wonder who screamed earlier? I hope it was Tomoyo.” Then she saw her. “TOMOYO! YOU BITCH! MY WISH'LL MAKE SURE YOU CEASE TO EXIST!” She ran and embraced the pale woman who was walking along. ???: “That stupid little freak! That ain't Tomoyo! That's RIDDEL!” Needless to say, some of Riddel's best guards showed up, ready to beat the shit out of Meiling. Glenn: “What is the meaning of this!? Unhand Miss Riddel at once!” Meiling: “What!?” She took another look at who she was hugging. Riddel: “…please don't hurt me…” Conker: “Huh? She's that docile?” Kirby: “I don't think that's how Chrono Cross makes her…” Chaos. It's everywhere.

Suddenly, Dragoons came from nowhere and attacked Viper Manor. Link: “Hmmm. What reason precipitates this battle?” A sign. And false information. Not to mention the fact that a key individual from Serdio was now being held in Viper Manor. Guard: “What the hell!? They can fly! Run for your lives!” Suddenly, Swords stepped in from nowhere. ???: “Swords? I don't see no swords.” Conker: “Great. The boys are here.” Squall, Zidane, Serge, Cloud, Lang, Fayt, Albel Nox, Conker, Kirby and Link ended up on the battlefield. Zidane: “Alright boys! Let's get `em!” They charged for the now hopeless Dragoons. Two Omnislashes, one Mystic Art, one Renzokuken, one Dimension Door and three Sword Spins later, 10,000 monsters rolled in the front door. Swords killed them all. Kirby: “This is nothing!” Fayt: “Hah! We could do this all day!”

Night came. The boys got extremely fatigued. Then the trio recovered. They couldn't find Meiling anywhere. Link: “We must relocate to a scene of action.” Kirby: “Yeah, I guess so.” So they left.

 

Conde Petite. A little girl walked up to Sakura. ???: “Hello! Where are you going?” Sakura: “Huh? Oh, do you know where I could find a really pale, serene... ???: “Oblivious, scatterbrained, lesbian, ...” Sakura let the Fight out and that was the random guy's ass. Sakura: “... long, dark haired girl at?” The little horn-headed girl shrugged. Sakura: “Oh... ok. Say, what's your name?” ???: “My name's Fuck You!” Conker: “Knew it was coming.” Sakura: “Hey, you guys are here!” Kirby: “Of course. You're cuter than Meiling.” Link: “I will agree with Kirby.” Sakura blushed. Fuck: “Hey, have you guys seen my sister Eiko? I got a letter saying she'd be around here somewhere...” ???: “TOO BAD BITCH! This is the WRONG AREA! DUMBASS!” BOOM! Two lines appeared on the ground and the random guy got hit 6 times for 458 HP of damage. Then Lutina ran away. Kirby: “Grandia Xtreme.” Conker: “Best fight engine ever. Period. Kingdom Hearts doesn't come close.” Link: “If memory serves correct, Eiko makes her home at Madain Sari, a good walk from here.” Fuck: “How do you know?” Link: “A good friend of mine delve into the Intermatrix one fateful day and discovered much about the ways of other realms, other peoples. Ms. Carol is one of these people.” Conker: “Sheik?” Link nodded. Conker: “Figures. Can't believe that Zelda has that much magic...” Link: “I wonder as well my friend.” Fuck: “Well, then I guess I'll go find Madain Sari then. Thank you!” Fuck... she walked away. Oh well.

Sakura took to the air to search the continent. The boys left by tornado. Sorry, that's Tornado. Tails, Cream and Rouge all screamed at them to come back, but Conker wasn't having any of it. He was too busy trying to figure out how to fly it. Conker: “Dammit! Why did Tails have to make this plane so damn difficult! FUCK YOU TAILS!” Fuck: “Huh!? Oh, hi Mr. Tails! I'm Fuck! Nice to meet you!” Both Cream and Rouge tackled the poor girl. Cream: “No girl talks to OUR man!” Kirby: “...our ...man? ...fuck it... ...? ...”

 

Chronopolis. Someone blasted the WRONG room and a black hole resulted.

 

Arni Village. ...huh? Which one? Don't ask me! Meiling didn't know where she was. All around she could hear quieting music. If you still don't know which one, fuck you. Fuck: “Yes?” Go away. Fuck: “OK...” I had to tell her to go away before she started getting sucked in by the black hole. Chucky: “Wow, something actually lasted through one area. Ain't that a bitch...” Chucky let 50 Agents of Doom terrorize the area before he took off in the ship he stole from Ratchet. Meiling and the bitter remains of all the inhabitants flew toward the hole. Meiling: “FUCK! Where this stupid black hole come from!?” Fuck: “Someone blasted the WRONG room in Chronopolis, and a black hole resulted.” A representative for me (yes me, the narrator) dropped by and gave Fuck an infringement complaint. Fuck: “Aw phooey!” Hey, don't copy the narrator, unless you're an important character. Fuck: “But I am an important character! Everyone needs me for some reason!” It's a damn shame that your name means “piss off” Fuck. Suddenly, Myam cast Howlnado and sent Meiling flying elsewhere. Then she disappeared. ???: “What!? Those blasted Grandia X girls! They fuck up a bad scene!” That's their job...

 

Conker: “You know what? There's been a lot of scenes where the stuff that happened in the area had nothing to do with the area...” How true. Kirby: “And what about those folks back at Alexandria? I wonder what they think of their queen.” Link: “Nothing. Garnet got ran out of town. It is a sign of the times. Now, Beatrix sits at the throne.” Conker: “Oh. That bitch.” Kirby: “Too bad she's royalty, cuz' I would've broken her quick and easy!” Suddenly, they saw a force of Venomian units on their tail. Star Fox was nowhere in sight. Kirby: “Shit. I'll take `em out.” Kirby called out a Warp Star and put on a Bomb Cap. Night came all too quickly, and the kids of Balamb Garden had some fireworks for their festival after all. Suddenly, a HUGE beam came out of nowhere and plowed into the ships. Kirby was thrown for a loop. Link: “A Mega Flare.” Conker: “Uh-oh... the SeeDs must be scared. We've got to move before Squall uses Eden!” Not too late. Kirby hauled ass on the ground into a nearby (pick one: warp pipe, FFX save point, plot hole) and left the scene. Conker and Link flew to the south.

 

No. Who cares what happens after the main characters leave?

 

Come back later. If there is a later.