Crossover Fan Fiction / Card Captor Sakura Fan Fiction / Sonic Series Fan Fiction ❯ The Chaos was Here ❯ Part 9 ( Chapter 9 )

WTF (a.k.a. The Chaos was Here...)

an INSANE Humor/Parody fic by TheFellow3J

 

Disclaimer: I don't own shit.

 

Warning: Fuck the warning. If you got this far, you KNOW this story's fucked up.

 

Starring Kirby, Conker the Squirrel and Link

 

Part 9

 

Kirby's home was trashed. Oh, and the whole neighborhood looked like it was hit with a meteor, a volcano, an earthquake and the kitchen sink. Link: “This is why it became hot and cold quickly.” Kirby: “Someone's gonna die for this...”

Conker landed the ship and the boys got out. Kirby: “DAMN! Someone saved 15% on car insurance. But their car got stolen right before the damn paper was signed!” Conker: “That's fucked up.” Conker was looking at something… wrong. Mario: “What'is a-so wr-rong about'it?” ???: “Where the fuck Mario come from!? Ol' tubby fake-Italian ass piece of shit!” Link: “This is most odd.” Conker: “Last time I saw something like this I was in the Intermatrix. Uh-oh.” Kirby: “I wanna KILL an enemy! NOW!” Sakura, Tomoyo and Meiling all flew out of the ship at high speed. Conker: “…they turned into angels?” Kirby: “…angel wings… cool…” Kirby began to drool. One drop hit a secret button on the ground and did nothing. As the drop ran off of the button, it fell into a hole, which triggered machinery on Mt. Fuji. Conker: “So now we're in Japan.” No. It's just that something ripped Mt. Fuji from Japan and put it in Dreamland. ???: “BULLSHIT!” Believe it. ???: “NO!” Fuck you. Fuck: “What?” Take this hammer that I'm giving you and beat the SHIT out of ???. Fuck: “Okay!” Link: “And so she proceeds to beat up the unknown entity.” Conker: “Something's wrong here. Ain't that a Piko Piko Hammer?” Kirby: “Hey, did you know that girls can become EXTREMELY powerful on Mobius!? If you don't believe me, go watch the season ending of Sonic X.” Needless to say, Amy appeared a second later. Crash's 18-wheeler showed up ready to run Amy FLAT. Amy: “…Sonic…grrrRRRRR…” Amy swung at the offending vehicle. It came to a crushing halt, leaving Amy unscathed. Kirby: “Did I tell you that Dreamland is worse?” Link: “That… is power.”

Amy: “I… must… find… Sonic! WHERE IS HE!?” Kirby: “Don't ask us. Last time we saw him a Space-Time Wormhole was following him.” Amy: “FUUUUCCK! HE NEEDS TO EXPLAIN THIS!” Amy held up a newspaper, the Station Square Squealer. Conker: “What... oh. That.” Link: “It is not a coherent message. I believe that the last time we saw Rouge and Cream, they were with Tails.” Conker: “Well, that doesn't explain the Scouts being in the picture...” Amy: “He's GOING to tell me what the HELL is going on the MOMENT I SEE HIM!” Kirby: “Good luck finding him... I guess...” Conker: “At least we know he's alive.” Amy ran off at sonic speed.

Kirby: “Boy, she's THAT pissed?”

 

Conker: “Well, I guess we have to figure out who trashed your place Kirby.” Kirby was stuck on ways he could make Amy his girlfriend. ???: “BUT THAT PIECE OF SHIT HAS HOARDS OF GIRLS ALREADY!” And this one is his color. Now shut up. Kirby: “! Oh, YEAH!” Kirby got Washu on the phone. Washu: “Yeaasss?” Kirby: “Washu, I need something that can help me find out who took my home out!” Washu: “All right. I'm sending something through vid-transfer now.” ???: “WHAT'S VID-TRANSFER!?” Who gives a shit? Kirby caught an 8-ball. Conker: “What the hell? An 8-ball?” Kirby: “Oh well, maybe it'll help. Do you know who trashed my home?” 8-ball: No. Conker: “Wait, wait, wait... Is Sally bi?” 8-ball: ... ok, given the contents of this story, you should know. Conker: “...damn. I'm dumb. I need another girl then.” Link: “Would it be possible to advance this story immediately to the end at this time?” 8-ball: No. Link: “A shame.” ???: “WAIT! Where the hell that long-ass message come from!?” 8-ball: Question must be asked in Boolean form, jackass. ???: “The FUCK? What is this thing?” 8-ball: Question must in the %^&#ing form of a &$@%ing yes or a ^@#&ing no, jackass. ???: “Fuck you.” She did not show up. Link: “Did the culprit run away to the north?” 8-ball: Yes. Kirby: “Alright then! Let's GO!”

Dedede's castle. The gang saw a sign. Sign: “The chaos was here.” Conker: “Not this again.” Link: “It is possible that Dedede's castle has gone awry.” Kirby: “I'm going in.” Kirby led the group into the castle. Flaming rocks came charging at them from far, far away. They close the main door before those rocks could incinerate them. Sakura somehow made it inside with them, yet Tomoyo and Meiling were nowhere in sight. Sakura: “You guys, I feel something really evil here.” Kirby: “Something bad must've taken over the castle or something.” Conker: “Or Dedede got infected with the Data Bug and got super evil.” ???: “BULLSHIT!!” You'd think some character named Bull Shit was actually in the story too. Sorry. Maybe in the sequel. ???: “WHAT THE… there IS NO sequel!” How would you know?

Sure enough, Dedede and a hoard of Heartless Shadows came marching their way. Conker: “We COULD take them, but I count 7000 Shadows. Think we should call the boys?” Suddenly, a thunder dragon ripped through the area, passed the heroes, shocked all the Shadows into oblivion and gave Dedede the jolt. Then Carmyne disappeared into the shadows of the castle. Link: “A most impressive and well-timed DragonZap. It is certainly appreciated.” Dedede returned to normal. Then someone stepped out of a warp potion door that just appeared and…

Elsewhere.

 

 

 

Nowhere.

 

 

Somewhere near the home of the entity that trashed Kirby's place is where the heroes now stood. Upside down. Sakura: “Hunh!? We're on a ceiling!” Conker: “Then let's jump down to the floor.” And so they did. They felt rumbling. Kirby: “Shit! Must be a trap in the floor. Everyone JUMP!” They jumped, and then they saw a pebble fly out of the ground and hit a chandelier. Conker: “That wasn't so bad.” Link: “Yet you fail to notice that the chandelier was loose, and completely lit with candles.” Soon, the chandelier fell and a fire started. Sakura: “I got it! WATERY!” The Watery came out and immediately went to work on the unquenchable flames. Sakura: “What!?” Kirby: “This is bad.” Conker got a fan. Actually, it's a wind machine. Conker: “Anyone wanna make a wish?” ???: “I wish you all go to HELL!” Kirby: “I wish the three cute little girls I'm thinking of would follow me around everywhere and hang off of me like leeches.” Conker: “Alright. Time to blow out the candles.” Conker flipped the switch and the wind machine blew up.

 

... ... ... ... ...

 

Conker: “... ... ...” Kirby: “FUCK! I really DID want three cute little girls hanging off of me!” Fuck: “OK, then I'll find some for you!” Kirby: “Really!? Ok, here.” Kirby gave Fuck a small piece of paper. Kirby: “Find those three girls and meet us at the Windmill Plains.” Conker: “We still have to find a way to take these flames out.” A HUGE boulder crushed the whole half of the mansion that was on fire. No fire no more... Conker: “That's that.” Sakura: “Are we going to Knothole now?” Still too early. Sakura: “Dangit! I wanted to get a chaos emerald----“ She was cut off by 15 SWATbots. Bot 1: “Phrase `CHAOS EMERALD' detected. Commencing search...” Suddenly, Tomoyo and Meiling flew in through the large hole the boulder formed in the house. Tomoyo: “Hey! Get your metal claws off our Sakura!” Kirby: “OOOOOOoooh... so KINKY...” Link: “Our girl-infatuated friend is starting to have problems around the Passionate Trio.” Conker: “And that's not even the three girls he was looking for.” Cosmia then appeared. Cosmia: “Swatbots are here. I will remove them at your command Kirby.” Kirby: “Don't worry about it. The girls got it.” Meiling: “Stupid SWATbots! Take this!” The boulder that crushed the fire suddenly got tossed aside by some good `ol Power magic. Link: “I wonder about the weight of that boulder.” 1600 tons. Times seven. Link: “Indeed, the Power is strong.” Kirby: “CUUUUUTE...” In case you didn't know, the Power is little and all pink. Meiling then took control of that fire and sent burning rings of flames at the SWATbots. They melted instantly.

Conker: “OK, this has absolutely nothing to do with the story.” You're absolutely wrong. Look down. Tomoyo: “Hey! I sense something under the carpet.” One cast of the Float later and the carpet flew out of the building. The gang found a switch. Conker pushed it. Nothing happened. Then a beam of blue light shot up and started disintegrating all the heroes. The girls screamed. Kirby: “DAMN! Where's a camera!? This shit is GOOD!” Conker: “We'll take him to see the doctor later. A male one.” Link: “That is acceptable.” They teleported out of the mansion.

 

Headquarters of the Galaxy Police. The heroes found themselves in the briefing room, along with 500 female officers. Uh-oh. 1000 guns immediately got pointed at them. Conker: “Now now, let's not be TOO hasty...” Of course, one of them recognized Kirby. None other than Mihoshi. All 1000 guns went into their holsters. Then 497 girls rushed up to Kirby. Kirby: “Well... not my type, but...” Kiyone: “AHEM! ATTENTION!” All stood in place at once. Kiyone: “This is NOT the time to play welcoming party! AT EASE!” They all returned to wherever they were in the room. Kiyone just decided to disregard the heroes presence in the room and continued the briefing. Kiyone: “Now then... At 0700 hours, Squadron Alpha will begin to orbit Nevon 4 and will remain on standby until the enemy detects them and responds with force. Squadron Beta will fly into the atmosphere and land undetected. They will proceed on foot to the enemy base and attack the left bunker. Once they draw the firepower of the ground soldiers, Squadron Gamma will approach the east bunker in stealth with the bombs and plant the bombs at the east bunker. Then everyone will withdraw and leave Nevon 4. DISMISSED!” Conker: “She is not that logic-minded. Couldn't be with Mihoshi around.” Kirby: “Didn't you hear?” Conker: “Hear what?” Kirby: “I heard someone outside getting pissed off about something...” They left the briefing room.

Conker: “Do we really need to be here?” No. Conker: “Then let's go somewhere interesting. Police girls bore me.” Kirby streaked by on a warp star being chased by 1700 girls. Kirby: “Boys! Let's MOVE OUT! We got a planet to save!” Link: “And where is our destination?” Kirby: “Rith Essa!” Conker: “Rith Essa? Didn't the JFG already appear in this story?” Kirby: “No one seems to give a shit, so we're going!” Conker: “Whatever…” They boarded the Dark Streak (which somehow ended up at one of the GP's docking bays) and left. 70 ships followed them.

 

Rith Essa. The whole area started to generate static. Some characters seemed to teleport in as soon as Rouge and Conker spotted 50 data bugs. By the way, those data bugs aren't easy to get rid of. Not at all. Conker: “Fuck.” Fuck: “What is it Conker?” Conker: “I need two ZMGs with infinite ammo. Go fetch.” Fuck: “OK!” Kirby: “And while you're at it, get me a Space Distorter from Washu!” Fuck heard all and went on her merry way. Then Kite appeared and data drained 20 b@#- - - -101001000000000_0_@#$%&^$%^&$& ______________!!@30001010111Alt+F41100...

 

SYSTEM ERROR.

 

RESTARTING...

 

... ... ... Conker: “Dumbass. You can't even drain 15 bugs without getting some kind of error.” Link: “Yet another crossover with the PlayStation domain.” Kite was nowhere to be found. Conker: “Sucks for him.” Fuck came back and tossed Kirby and Conker the weapons. 10 data bugs showed up. Kirby and Conker took it to the monsters and wasted them in record time. Of course, since there is no record time for 10 data bugs at once, the new record is now 20 minutes. Tails: “Wow! Those things are tough!” Kirby: “Where did YOU come from?” Cream came out of nowhere and slapped Tails. Cream: “Tails! That line doesn't even contribute to the story!” Kirby: “What the hell? NOTHING contributes to the story!” ???: “BULLSHIT! I CONTRIBUTE PLENTY!” ??? got his ass kicked by someone. Conker: “Are we through here?” Yes.

 

...but that's not all. 50000 giant ants showed up, guns firing. Kirby formed a shield. Shots bounced off the Mirror Shield and went everywhere. Else. Three mountains got leveled and revealed a ton of gold. Conker: “No way...” Ants went to get the gold. They melted on the spot. Kirby: “That again, huh?” Tails: “Guys, what happened to those 70 ships that were following you?” Plot hole. The best thing to happen to this story. Conker: “Not quite...”

 

Oh yeah, they killed all the ants. Duh.

 

Let's take a break.