Crossover Fan Fiction ❯ Anime Chaos! Talk Show from Hell! ❯ Ranma½ ( Chapter 3 )

Anime Chaos! The Talk Show from Hell!

Disclaimer: All anime characters go to their rightful and respectful owners, so don't sue me PLEASE!

Scene: The entire cast is seen standing on stage, dressed in all black and looking sad.

E-Chan wailing: NOOOOOOOOO! *Sob* HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN!?

Kimchi: I'm very sorry viewers (if there are any out there). Last chapter I said Sally would be here......

*ET is seen randomly doing her "Secret agent girl" thing in the background, walking around the studio and ducking under windows*

Skitzo: OH FOR CHRIST'S SAKE! COME ON! SHE WASN'T EVEN REAL! GODDAMITT!

*Joe and Shamus glare*

ET: SHHH! Skitzo! YOUR making her cry more! Please don't hurt me E-Chan! Your the bestest! heh heh

E-Chan: WHHHAAAA! NOOOOOOO! *still wailing*

Matt: *pop's up from absolutely nowhere* Brit! use I sentences!

ET: AHH! How did femboy get here!? *Whistles* Shamus! Get him!

Hippy: Yea Shamus go throw him in the closet, we'll let our guest's take care of him! *evil grin*

E-Chan: WHHHHHAAAAA! POOR STEVE! POOR SALLY!!!!!!!! NOOOO! NOOO!

Kimchi: AS I was saying! *Ahem gets solemn look on face* Ladies and gent's, when we were trick-or-treating (YES we trick-or-treat!) E-Chan brought along Sally and Steve, forgetting who lives in my neighborhood..... DUN DUN DUN! MIKE VASKO!

*GASPS from everyone*

Hippy: That little midget freak who stalks you?

ET: The one that has no friends, and no life and a huge crush on Kimchi from 4th grade?

E-Chan: YES!!!! WHHHHAAAAA!

ET: Poor guy's they were such nice Invisible people! WeeeeWeeeeeWEEEE! Haaaaaccch! *Sound affects from Kung-Pow Enter the Fist!*

Kimchi: We were about to go home when E-Chan turned around and noticed Steve and Sally weren't.

Skitzo: How would you know if they're there or not?!

Kimchi: We have reason to believe Mike took them hostage, locked them in his room, and ....... RAPPED THEM!

E-Chan: AHHHHHHHH! NOOOOOOO! SAY IT ISN'T SOOOOO!!!!! WWWWHHHAAA!

Skitzo: O.O wait he rapped both of them?! Ewwww bad picture!

Joe: Ok this is getting to goddamn weird! Just start the show already you bakas!

SCREEN GOES BLACK

*Hippy singing theme song this time* I'm an ugly girl! My face makes you hurl! Sad I had it. I should bag it! Acne everywhere. Unwanted facial hair! I'm a relation to Frankenstein's creation! YAAAAAHHH! Anime Chaos! (The talk show from ... ouuuu bad word!)

*Everyone is in their places on-stage. ET seated by the audience, Kimchi and E-Chan at their desk's, Joe at camera, Skitzo hangin by the host's desk's and Shamus down by the audience*

E-Chan: ::Sniff:: Hi everybody.

Kimchi: *looking at E-Chan* Uhhh now for our behind the scenes chat with Hippy...

Skitzo: Ya know if E-Chan can't do the show because of her, uhhhh .... tragedy. I'll take over and she can go screaming through the wall!

E-Chan: But....but....but... STEVE WON'T YELL AT MEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *breaks down*

*ET does Egyptian dance hand movements towards the video screen*

*Screen crackles on*

Hippy: Hey everyone out there! Anyone!? Ok then! From now on we're doing things my way! so MOO you!

*on-stage crew stares blankly at screen*

Skitzo: what... the... fuck?! Teehee, naughty word.

Hippy: I don't really feel like interviewing people 'cause that's exactly what you guy's do!

E-Chan: She's got a point.

ET: *Gasp* I never thought of that!

Kimchi: You don't think.

ET: Oh yea!

Hippy: ANYWAY! I'm going to pull pranks or do "experiments" *evil grin* Now! Kimchi you say who the characters are because I don't know they're names!

Kimchi: Well, we voted on it and I went around asking random people and the results are.... *Drum roll* RANMA AND RYOGA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Skitzo: YAHOOOOO!

E-Chan: Hey I didn't know about this vote!!

ET: Hey! Kimchi you messed with the damn votes! so the pigboy could win!

Kimchi: Moi? I would never do such a thing! *clenches fists* And so what if I did!?

ET: *runs away* YIPE YIPE!

Hippy: HEY! THIS IS MY TIME ON THE AIR!!!! YOU WILL WATCH!!!!!!

Everyone: *goes silent* O.O

Hippy: Ok! I'm on my way! *whispering as she approaches the room with the guests *cough*victims*cough* Heeeeere they are. Now what to do? Hmmm.... Well, Kimchi and E-Chan since you two like Q102 sooooo much better than Y100....

*Hippy sneaks behind the couch where Ryoga is sitting (Ranma went to the can or something)*

Ryoga: I have to goooo! *holding legs together* But if I do I'll get lost! And I won't be able to declare my undying love for Akane on worldwide Television!

Stage crew: *Sweat drop*

*Hippy does freaky infomercial girl hand motions to bucket of cold water, and then points to dryer*

Kimchi realizing the situation: NOOOOO!!!!! EMILY! DON'T YOU DARE!!!!

*E-Chan, ET and Skitzo try to restrain Kimchi, Skitzo snickers*

*Hippy jumps out splashing cold water all over Ryoga who turns into P- Chan*

Hippy: Oh no! You're all wet. Let's dry you off! STAY FLUFFY!

P-Chan: ERNNK! ERK!!!! KWEEEEEE! KWEEEEE! *kicking and wailing*

*Hippy pop's the piglet into the dryer and begins spin cycle*

P-Chan: *going round and round.. And round and round and round* KWWWWWEEEEEE!!!

Static screen

Stage crew: WHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!::

Kimchi: *Sniff* POOR P-CHAN!

E-Chan: Skitzo! Go get the Goddamn guests!

Skitzo: Righto! *bounds off-stage*

ET: LOOKIE! I found this cute black piggy! He was barfing in the corner!

(P-Chan) Pig: erk.....erk.... *wobbles when he walks*

Everyone: *Sweat drop*

Skitzo comes in followed by Ranma: I couldn't find the pork chop!

Joe: I think the mother of all baka's already found it.

Ranma: HA! Ryoga! They showed me the footage of you and that dryer! Your so weak to allow a girl to do that to you.

*Ranma receives death glares as he realizes he's in a room where the entire crew is made up of girls (Joe: HEY!!!)*

Ranma: heh heh Never mind.... *sweat drop*

P-Chan: ERRRRRRR

*Kimchi walks over to Ryoga holding teapot*

Kimchi: Here Ryoga allow me!

E-Chan: *runs over and steals teapot* You just wanna see Ryoga NUDE! Well, not me! I will not allow Porno on this show! *Throws teapot through window*

ET: Awww no porn ::sniff::

Hippy: *raises eyebrow* And since when is this your show E-Chan??

E-Chan: *Sob* STEVE ISN'T HERE TO FUCKIN SCREAM AT ME DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!! WHHHHHHAAAA!

ET: OK! Can we start the questions now!?

Skitzo: Yea sure I'll take Ryoga here backstage and give him some hot water. *heehee*

Kimchi: O.O I'll come too!!!!

*E-Chan grabs the back of Kimchi's shirt*

E-Chan: Oh no you don't! We have to do the questions!

ET: Hey dude speak into the microphone!

Person1: Ranma! Are you gay?

Ranma: Where did that come from!? Just because I turn into a girl does not mean I like guy's! *his face turns red*

ET: O.O Do you wear dresses??!!

*Person hit's ET with micro-phone*

Person1: My time! ME! *ahem* I mean all these girls like you and you haven't made any moves on them. Not even Akane and for Christ's sake! She's your fiancé.

Ranma: I ain't gay! *as his face grows redder* I just don't like any of those girls! And why would I even want to do anything with that uncute tomboy?!

E-Chan: Pick someone else already! We have to add more anime to this show so we're not just giving people headaches!

ET: How about you! Got a question?! *shoves mike in random person's face*

Person2: Ranma how old is your dad? I mean he tries to act young, What's with the do-rag???

Ranma: Where the hell do you people come up with these questions!? Well, I'm not even sure, I think he's secretly in his 90's.

Kimchi: O.o; I never knew...

E-Chan: At least we're getting through questions! And Steve and Sally aren't here to see our glorious day! *SOB breaks down again*

ET: *sing-song voice* Question, question who's got a question!? YOU DO! *gives mike to another person*

Person3: I have a question for the host's! Can we ask the guests to do dares??

E-Chan: *hands together in menacing way* That sounds iiiiiiinteresting. Very iiiiiinteresting!

Kimchi: *shrugs* I don't see why the hell not.

Ranma: *gulps* oh dear lord O.O

Person3: Then I dare ranma to shout what you honestly think of Akane!

Ranma: Feh. Piece 'a cake! *stares straight into the camera*

Joe: he's scaring me... O.O;

Ranma: She's built like a stick! Dumb as a brick! Her thighs are to thick! AND SHE'S AN UNCUTE SEX-LESS TOMBOY!

*BRRRREEEEEBREEEEEEBREEEEE BUZZZZZ BUZZZZZZZ!*

Everyone: What the hell was that!?

Kimchi: HOLY SHIT! ONE OF JOE'S INVENTIONS WORKED!

Joe: Hahahahahahahaha! *Suddenly Scientific person like voice* Thank you very much! It's a complex machine that monitors the pulse and heart rate of a person and figures out if they're telling the truth. If they speak a lie it makes loud earsplitting noises!

Kimchi: Uhmmmm hey genius, isn't that a lie detector??

Joe: ..... no.

E-Chan: sooooo Ranma. What DO you think of Akane???!?

Ranma: *many many sweat drops oh so many sweat drops* Well, honestly...? I think she's gay!

*Stage crew in hysterical fit of laughter*

Ryoga: *burst's through wall* Raaaaannnmmmaa! HOW DARE YOU INSULT MY AKANE!?!?!

E-Chan: *sniff* Steve....

Skitzo: *staggers on stage* heh.... heh.... P-Chan doesn't wear cloth's ....heh... Heh I saw his … yea…

E-Chan: Uh Oh! Here comes trouble! RUN DAMMIT SKITZO RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!

Kimchi: YOU SAW HIM!!!!???!!!! GGGGGRRRRAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Skitzo: Yipe *pulls out flaming fish* Kimchi I know how to use this!

*Kimchi randomly gets blue glowing eyes with no pupils, and big ragging blue fire behind her (battle aurora?)*

ET: SHAMUS! AHHHH! I'M SCARED! Hide me!

HIPPY: WHAT THE MOO COW DID YOU DO TO HER SKITZO!?

*Ryoga and Ranma blankly stare at the crazed girl*

Joe: Oh crap! That little bakas got some power after all! *hides under desk*

E-Chan: Quick everyone out! She's gonna blow!

ET: Women and children first!

Hippy: And Cows!

*ET with Shamus on her shoulder, and Hippy crash through the studio door. E- Chan grabs Ranma and Ryoga and hauls ass outta there! While poor Joe is still under the desk*

Skitzo: Kimchi that's it! I'm warning you! I'm gonna fight back! *Hurls flaming fish at Kimchi's head..... It disintegrates as soon as it hit's her aurora*

Kimchi: RRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!

Skitzo: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYAAAAAA! *running for dear life* YOU CAN'T KILL ME! uhhhh.... uuurmm YOU JUST CAN'T! Besides..... THE VIEWERS LOVE ME! (right??)

*Kimchi starts glowing completely blue as Skitzo jump's out the window at the last second*

ET: *Writing a letter* I'd like my sister to have my CD's, I want my mommy to have my bed, even though it's a piece of crap, I'd like my.....

*BBBBBAAAAAAAAAABBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM!*

*Where the studio once stood there is now a huge smoldering pile of ruble*

Joe: *crawls out of the remains of a desk* JESUS CHRIST!

Hippy: *comes out of dumpster outside the studio* This is why I like hippie's and all their talk about peace!

ET: *follows Hippy* *twitches* Guys... I think I'm scared for life *Twitches again*

E-Chan: AWESOME! Kimchi you gotta teach me how to do that! And how'd you grow fangs?! High five! ......Kimchi? Where'd she go?

Hippy: And where'd Skitzo go?

Joe: That baka probably ain't breathin' no more.

ET: Hey! Where'd pig guy and feminine guy go???

*Ranma and Ryoga lying in the street 5 blocks away*

Skitzo: ahhhh.... sorry.....sorry....ouch *Hanging in tree*

*Kimchi lying unconscious in the ruble, Skitzo hobbles over and begins kicking repeatedly*

E-Chan: DAMMIT! WE ONLY ANSWERED A FEW QUESTIONS ON THE WHOLE DAMN SHOW!

Hippy: It's Kimchi's fault! If she hadn't have gone berserk we'd still have a MOOING studio!

ET: uhhhh... guys? Where are we gonna do the show now?

E-Chan: *sniffle* STEVE WOULD HAVE SO MUCH WORK TO DOOOOO!!! HE WOULD HAVE THIS PLACE FIXED BY NEXT SHOW!!!!!!!

Hippy: Well, folks! Kimchi left her notes out and so next show we'll have some star's from the hit show Yu Yu Hakusho! (she left a pronunciation key! I can read!)

Joe: You fuckin bakas! How are we gonna have another show?!?! OUR STUDIO'S GONE!!!

ET: Heehee we'll find someplace! *evil look* underground lair heh heh heh, ummm, you heard nothing! You never heard anything about a secret underground lair *sweat drop*

E-Chan: Can I vote this time?!

ET: Hey wasn't the other Femboy still in the closet?

E-Chan: Oh yea! Matt!

Joe: Oh well is more like it.

Hippy: Ummm until next time! Have a pleasant evening!

Everyone: *stares*

Joe: damn that even scared me...

Screen goes black

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