Crossover With Non-anime Series Fan Fiction ❯ Pirates of the Caribbean: Hot Bat's Chest ❯ The Compass ( Chapter 9 )

Chapter Nine: The Compass

 

[The scene cuts to the Black Pearl, at a dock in, presumably, Tortuga. Knuckles and Boris are walking along the pier towards the Pearl. Rouge is following from behind, still dressed as a man.]

 

Rouge: Captain Knuckles the Echidna!

 

Knuckles: (not turning back) Ah! Another new crewmember! Excellent!

 

Rouge: Actually, I'm here for the man I love.

 

[Knuckles stops walking and makes obscure symbols to Boris that seem to indicate he wants Rouge's throat slit.]

 

Knuckles: While I admire the fact that I so physically stunning that even men may want my body, but alas, I only swing one way. I'm strongly opposed to butt sex, unless of course, I'm the one pounding it in.

 

Rouge: I meant Sonic the Hedgehog.

 

[Knuckles turns and realizes it's Rouge.]

 

Knuckles: Speaking of pounding it in the ass…

 

Rouge: What?

 

Knuckles: Nothing. Boris, hide the booze.

 

[Boris runs up the plank to the Black Pearl, which seems to be carrying nothing but booze.]

 

Knuckles: God, Rouge. Those clothes look awful on you. You should wear a dress or my spunk all over your face. I just so happen to have a ton of spunk I could put all over your face right here in my ba-

 

Rouge: Knuckles! Where's Sonic? I know he came after you…

 

Knuckles: Boy loves this sexy echidna body, and this giant echidna wan-

 

Rouge: SHUT UP! Where is he?

 

Knuckles: Well…due to some…mitigating circumstances, which are like, totally not my fault, he may have been gang raped by Big the Cat's crew.

 

Rouge: He was gang raped?

 

Knuckles: It was awful! Spunk everywhere! It was like…all over Sonic's [censored].

 

Rouge: Alright, he doesn't even have one of those, so tell me, what really happened?

 

Knuckles: Well, he joined the crew of Big the Cat. Totally not my fault, by the way.

 

[Tails wanders up behind Rouge, drops to the ground, and starts puking his guts out.]

 

Rouge: Big the Cat?

 

Tails: (between pukes) Captain of the Flying Person-of-Dutch-Extraction.

 

Knuckles: Wow, you look like hell.

 

Tails: Might have to do with the fact that my balls got ripped off by hurricane winds, the endless drinking, and maybe, the whole being thrown into pig fecal matter.

 

Knuckles: And you smell funny.

 

Tails: Dude, I was thrown into a pile of pig shit. And that shit stinks.

 

Knuckles: Really? Shit stinks? I had no idea.

 

Tails: Considering how full of it you are, I wasn't sure you'd know.

 

Rouge: I don't care about the pig shit! I just want to find Sonic!

 

Knuckles: Are you sure that's what you want?

 

Rouge: Duh.

 

Knuckles: Well, I would think you'd be more interested in saving him.

 

Rouge: And how do I do that?

 

Knuckles: Well, there's this penis. It's between my legs, and it's quite large. And you, you could just drop to your knees and…you know…

 

Tails: Filled to the brim with pig shit!

 

Knuckles: I hate you.

 

Rouge: Can you say something that isn't about your penis?

 

Knuckles: Well, there's this chest, and it's go-

 

Rouge: I swear, if the next words out of your mouth are about my boobs, I will do something to your member. And I'll do it with a dull, rusty knife.

 

Knuckles: Well, as I was saying, there's a chest…

 

Tails: Oh God…

 

[Tails pukes again.]

 

Knuckles: Right. A chest. A chest of unknown size, so as you can see Rouge, it could be yours, and if you'd let me measure those melons, we can see if it's the right one.

 

Rouge: Nothing of yours is ever getting near my chest.

 

Knuckles: That's a shame. Well, this chest…the one that isn't yours…contains the heart of Big the Cat. And whoever has this chest, and the heart it contains, can control Big the Cat and save Sonic from his horrible fate. Savvy?

 

Rouge: What's that even mean?

 

Tails: What does it matter? That's all just a story!

 

Rouge: How do we find that chest?

 

Knuckles: Sadly, not every chest is as easily found as your own, so we'll have to use my compass. It's unique.

 

Tails: Ain't that something? If it's as unique as you are, we're in trouble…

 

[Tails goes back to vomiting.]

 

Knuckles: Har, har, har. This compass points to the one thing you want most in the world.

 

Rouge: Really?

 

Knuckles: Yes. So, if you want, more than anything, to find the chest, we can save Sonic.

 

[Knuckles pulls out the compass and hands it to Rouge. She looks at it, and the needle starts spinning wildly. Eventually, it freezes in one position. Knuckles leans over to take a look.]

 

Rouge: Hands off the ass.

 

Knuckles: Yes, ma'am. Hmm…Boris!

 

Boris: Yes?

 

Knuckles: We've got a heading! Get ready to set sail!

 

Boris: Da, Comrade Captain!

 

Arthas: (suddenly rushing onto the deck) What did I just hear about head?

 

Boris: You heard nothing!

 

Knuckles: All aboard, ladies and…more ladies.

 

Tails: Oh, just what I needed…to be on a boat.

 

Knuckles: Come on…you can be our ship's lovable drunkard.

 

Tails: Joy.

 

Knuckles: After you, Miss Rouge.

 

[Rouge walks up the plank onto the Black Pearl, followed by Knuckles, and the wobbling Tails.]