D. Gray-man Fan Fiction ❯ Circus of Night ❯ Away from Here ( Chapter 5 )

Disclaimer: DGM belongs to someone other then me, though I wouldn't mind purchasing a Kanda :D Yum….Kandy…. -drools-

 

Warning: Insanity and violence… what a combo…

 

Note from Israfel: I know this took a little while but I wasn't sure what to put here for quite some time, but when I did come up with an idea I started typing…a few days later… Oh and if all of you don't here from me for a while it's because I got hit with hurricane (currently a tropical storm) Fay... >.> Well if you are curious she is headed STRAIGHT for the little pinensula that I live on... she's supposed to go over Tampa Florida and I live in Clearwater, which is right next to there... so it's storm time for me -sigh- alright time to pack up my art supplies and hide in the bathtub unless we evacuate...

 

 

CircUs of NIghT

 

~Away from here~

 

 

Allen is sitting once again on the white pillow. He has once again made tea, has once again been awoken by that horrendous sound, and has once again brought the immobile golem with him.

 

It has been days, weeks even, since he was marked…

 

…and since he had pleased his first customer…

 

The boy closes his eyes and counts in his head, trying to calm himself. He is hoping for a kind person this time, maybe even a women, though they seem to be rare. The woman are always kinder, nicer too him…

 

…but they cry afterwards, the tears that Allen wishes he could still shed.

 

He has been with so many people now he has lost count, has kept Timcanpy turned off, not wanting to explain to the golem what happened, what he was really going through.

 

The door to the room opens up and Ivonne shows another man into the room. He looks around and smiles lightly, though the smile goes unnoticed by Allen, who has learned that it is best to keep his head down till the man has decided how the night shall go. He listens to the door shut and for the man to take his seat before asking if he would like tea.

 

“Of course, sugar too, not much, just enough to barely sweeten it.” Allen nods and stands. He returns with a cup of tea and takes his place on the pillow again. The boy closes his eyes a moment and tries not to think of his past customers…

 

Of the man that didn't want sex, who beat him till he fell unconscious…

 

Of the woman who cried so much after she used him…

 

Of the man that made him call him daddy…

 

Of he man that told him to say brother…

 

Of the man that called him some other name…

 

Of the woman that slapped him and had him call her mother…

 

Of the boy who asked him about his life, who ended up pulling some of his hair out…

 

Of the girl who cried during sex, who kept calling him brother…

 

Of the man that said he was going to rape him…

 

Of the man who stabbed him in the shoulder…

 

Of the woman who told him too much about her life…

 

Of the man that had him call him master…

 

Of the man that bound and blindfolded him…

 

Of the woman that had him pretend to be her servant…

 

Of the man that cut him so many times…

 

Allen opens his eyes, trying to regain his composure, he realizes that the room has been silent for far too long. He takes a shy glance up towards the man, to see if he is the violent type or not, to see if he is allowed to speak or if he is to be submissive…

 

The man gives him a small smile and the boy is given the incentive to move, to speak, to act freely…

 

“The tea is nice… thank you…” Something in the man's voice makes Allen's heart swell and he wonders if it has to do with the type of people who have been coming to see him.

 

“You're welcome…” His voice shakes slightly and he wonders what the night is going to be like, if the man is going to talk to him for most of the time or- He shakes the thought from his mind and waits for something to be said.

 

“You know, since I've seen you I've been trying to figure out just what you embody, I know that woman who brought me here embodies Ivy and I saw a girl who embodied a type of bird…” Allen swallows thickly, trying to think of just what to say, he has never been asked about his appearance before.

 

“It's…a flower, called Night Phlox.” The man makes a sound, one that makes Allen's heart rate sky rocket and reminds him of someone, someone who he's wishes would come and save him.

 

“Hnn…” He can't help but flush, can't help but hope that this man is kind, that he is caring and will treat him like a person, not some object… “Night Phlox you say? I've never actually seen them, must be interesting…” Allen gives a small nod, trying to quell the odd bubble in his chest. He knows that it will only end up squashed, that his hope will have been for nothing. All of the people who have come to see him, who have been kind to him have ended up twisted, have ended up doing something that scared him more then anything he has ever faced.

 

-

 

There is nothing but silence on the train.

 

Lavi is for once secluded in his thoughts and is not trying to strike up a conversation or even flirt with anyone.

 

He shifts in his seat, his single tired looking eye falling shut for a moment. His head has been aching for days now and he knows that he is not acting like himself, that he hasn't since he has spoken with Linalee, since he learned about Allen, about how bad it will get for him. He wants to switch trains and head for the city that the Circus of Night is supposed to stop in soon, he wants to save his friend.

 

A painful throb goes through his head and he can't help but frown even more. He knows he can't deny it any longer, that he's become attached to Allen, to everyone at the Order… Lavi is afraid that Bookman is going to find out soon.

 

The older man shifts in his own seat, setting a newspaper down and picking up another, scanning the articles before looking up at his student. He frowns before tossing a book at the redhead. “Study right now, it'll occupy your mind.” Lavi picks the book up and stares at the cover, at the printed words embellished on it.

 

“How long till Kanda can get Allen? It's been way past a month…”

 

“The Circus is hard to predict. I remember Komui trying to track it when we first arrived at the Order.”

 

“Right…” Lavi exhales and looks down at the book again before opening it, the image of Komui floats back up to the forefront of his mind. He feels a pressure in the back of his mind, one that has been appearing more and more as he thinks about what's been happening, about how the older man looked when Lavi demanded to be sent to get Allen. A silence sets back into the train and for a while Lavi is able to lose himself in the book he is reading.

 

-

 

Allen is sitting on the couch next to the man, talking…

 

Talking…

 

He is smiling lightly and almost enjoying the conversation, almost because he knows that something will happen before the night is over. For the moment though he has forgotten, has forgotten where he is and what has happened to him.

 

The man, Eaun as Allen has learned is his name, is talking about a time when he was young, when he used to go to the Circus. He is talking about how he used to want to be a clown, and travel around the world. Allen can't help but feel comfortable sitting there, next to the man.

 

He can't help but engage himself in the conversation, can't help but forget that he is to please this man at the end of the night, can't help but forget that he does not own his body anymore. Allen gives a small laugh and says something about Mana, about when he used to travel with a Circus.

 

The man asks Allen if he has ever been to the America's.

 

“No, I haven't…I've been all across Europe though, and parts of Asia.”

 

“Hnn…” Eaun makes that sound again, causing the boy to flush lightly, to picture a dark haired man. He looks away, trying to hide the pink tinge on his cheeks. He doesn't want to be asked about it, he doesn't want to have to explain what that sound does to his mind.

 

“I would like to show you them someday. I own a hotel chain in northern America, with a nice large home in the mountains.” Allen gives the man a small smile, the idea of being bought appealing to him.

 

“That would be nice…” He says noticing that Eaun's tea cup is empty. “Would you like some more tea?” The boy gives another smile, one that is only a shadow of his past smiles, but it is a real one, something that isn't forced for once. The man doesn't respond, instead he reaches out and lightly touches Allen's cheek, rubbing his thumb across the boys scar briefly.

 

“If I do buy you, you can only belong to me though, no one else…” The small exorcist blinks a bit surprised at what has been said. The man is propositioning him, telling him that if he does purchase him he can never care for someone else.

 

Allen gives a pleasant smile, one that is forced to be bigger then he wants it to be. “Of course…” His mind has gone into survival mode, has taken in the knowledge and the fact that if he can get out of this place he can take back his life, even if it is only a small portion of it.

 

Eaun leans over to the boy, his hand still on his cheek, keeping him from turning away. “You don't care for anyone right now do you?” Allen gives a small shake of his head, the proximity of the man scaring and exciting him all the same. The room falls into an odd silence, one in which the boy feels like his heart can be heard breaking. He doesn't want to let go of how much he realizes he cares about Kanda, but he needs to be free, to live outside of the Circus of Night…

 

“You know…” Eaun's breath is hot against Allen's face and it only makes his heart rate increase. “You really are beautiful…” The words stun him, breaking his mind and paralyzing his body. He feels all too willing to accept the man, to allow him to take him some where far away…except…

 

Except he is starting to cry now and he wishes he wouldn't…

 

“You really are beautiful,” Eaun repeats him self, pressing his lips to Allen's…

 

And he can feel his hands slip onto his neck, squeezing tightly, the boy's mind falling apart as his breath is taken from him.

 

-

 

There is a soft tap on the door, abruptly startling Komui from his work. He looks up, around the office that is forever clean, wondering if he had heard right. When the soft knock comes again he clears his throat and calls for the person to enter the room.

 

Linalee walks in, caring a cup of coffee on a square tray along with a small sandwich. She gives her brother a tiny smile, a false one that seems normal now. Komui hasn't seen his sister give a real smile since she learned about Allen.

 

“I thought you might like something to eat…I brought you some coffee too…” The Asian man nods his head and thanks his sister as she walks farther into the all to clean office.

 

“You should be sleeping…” Komui points out, aware that it's almost four AM.

 

“You should be too brother…” Linalee sets the tray down on the desk and removes the cup and plate. “And I'm not tired, I'll be fine…” The Asian man gives a small frown but decides that it's best not to point out his sisters increasingly bad sleeping habits. He's worried about her, everyone is. It's hard not to notice now, to ignore how she never actually smiles, how she always has a blank look on her face, how she can be found just staring off into space in some of the strangest places…

 

“Is it because of the new place?” The female's voice startles the other back into reality.

 

“No, not at all, I just need to finish up my work…” Linalee is referring to the new building that the Order has moved into, the one that seems forever shadowed in heavy thoughts. Most people have realized by now that Allen has disappeared…they think that he has taken after his master and just runaway.

 

“Is there a mission coming up?” Komui stares at his sister a second before realizing what she has said, what she was really asking.

 

“I'll look and see if there is something for you to do…Kanda has been doing most of the field work that requires Akuma extermination and Lavi has been hunting down innocence with Bookman… I think Miranda and Krory might need some help…one of them probably needs a break.”

 

“Kanda needs one too…” Linalee adds in her empty sounding voice. Komui leans back in his seat, rubbing his eyes without removing his glasses. “He refuses them though, picking up the missions that Al-” The Asian man halts himself in his sentence, knowing that mentioning the missing boy would be bad, his sister already seems like she is hanging on by a thread.

 

“I'll see what I can do…” He repeats dropping his hand to his side. Linalee gives a small nod of the head before turning towards the door. It isn't until she is almost gone that she decides to say something else.

 

“How…are the general's doing…” Komui knows this question well, it is one that is actually asking, can you send one of them to get him? The dark haired man opens his eyes and stares at his sister before giving a weak smile.

 

“They don't report to me, remember…” Linalee looks down at the floor before nodding her head lightly. She leaves the room after that, the sounds of her steps fading slowly as she gets farther and farther away from him.

 

“Dear lord…” Komui removes his glasses, his head aching more then before. He feels like he is starting to fall apart like everyone else, like he is slowly being eaten away inside by the pain of the knowledge that he can't save Allen. “If you really do exist… please let him be safe… even if he doesn't come back to us, let him at least live through this…”

 

-

 

He is shouting, screaming…

 

His throat burns from extended use…

 

He has been screaming for a long time, his mind unable to comprehend anything other then the agony he is in, the pain that is coursing through his body. His face is wet and he knows he's crying, sobbing as his body acts on its own.

 

Allen can't stop himself, can't register anything in his mind anymore.

 

All he wants to do is survive, to live through the night…

 

…those hands that had been on his neck were the last thing he could take, the last thing his mind comprehended before finally snapping. He doesn't know what has happened, why the room is in such disarray, why his hands feel cold and sticky, why his throat burns so much.

 

Allen screams again, his chest aching, begging for the agony his body is in to stop.

 

His clothes are tattered and he feels like something has been removed from his back, something that is adding to the pain in his body. He sobs again, his arms moving on there own. He wishes they would stop, wishes that he would stop screaming, wishes to collapse, to faint, to just fall into evanescence.

 

His body doesn't listen to him, his mind is shouting things at him, screaming horrendous things.

 

Allen feels lost amongst all the pain and anger, all the hatred.

 

He wants to survive though…

 

…to survive through the night, just one more night…

 

He is begging, pleading with the figure before him, asking him why, why he had to do that, why he had to make him care, make him hope…

 

…if only he hadn't hoped…

 

…hadn't wished for something…

 

Allen screams again, hitting, kicking, biting anything he can, attacking. His mind is screaming feral things to him, telling his body to act, making him do this…all because he just wants to survive…

 

Something is being said to him, something that isn't in his own voice, that isn't from inside. His ears can still hear and he thanks god that he still exists inside his own body. The man is saying something but it won't get through to him; it doesn't make a big enough impact to make him stop, to cease what he is doing.

 

Allen lets out another scream as he feels a sharp pain coarse through his body, his abdomen. The pain doesn't cause him to stop, doesn't satisfy his body, the part of his mind that is no longer attached to his coherent self.

 

Nothing stops…

 

Not the pain, the hatred, the anger, the uncontrollable sadness that is causing him to cry even as he is doing this…

 

…as he is killing this man…

 

Allen can't stop the attack, can't regain control of his sanity until the man is lying on the floor crumpled in a heap.

 

Blood is all over the room, covering him, staining him, his hair, what was still pure inside of him.

 

He let's another sob fall from his lips as he feels his own blood leaking from his back, from his abdomen; his head is spinning. The boy feels dizzy and backs away from the man, from the upturned furniture, from the broken mirrors, the torn and destroyed objects. His legs give out underneath him and he turns his eyes away from the lifeless body, he doesn't want to see anymore blood.

 

…but it's everywhere…

 

Allen can feel his heart racing in his chest, telling him that he will be punished for this, that he has taken someone's life… His body trembles as he wraps his arms around himself, around his torso as another wave of nausea passes through him.

 

“I didn't want to die!” He shouts into the room, crying still, his tears mixing with the blood that is drying on his face. That's when he can't take it anymore, when he can't hold in his nausea any longer.

 

Allen leans forward, his hands holding his shaking frame up as his stomach tries to empty its nonexistent contents onto the floor. His muscles contract painfully, pushing out the acids that are making his throat burn even more.

 

He didn't want this to happen, he didn't want to kill that man, to harm him…

 

…but he tried to kill him…

 

The boy trembles, his arms giving out underneath him, his body dropping to the floor beside the mess he has made. He knows Ivonne and the Circus Master will show up soon, will do something to him… He moves his arms, wrapping them around his aching body when Timcanpy slips out of his sleeve, dropping onto the floor and rolling a second before coming to a stop.

 

Allen pushes himself up and turns the golem on, his mind no longer caring about the consequences of his actions, all he wants to do is to survive…to exist one more day…maybe even another night… The second the golden creature turns on he grabs a hold of its wings and begs, pleads with it.

 

“Find someone to save me!” Allen is crying still, an endless amount of tears spilling forth from his eyes. “I can't be here anymore! I'm going to die! I'm losing my mind-” That is when the door to the room opens, when Ivonne looks in and stares at Allen.

 

The woman is shoved to the side as the Circus Master storms into the room, heading straight for Allen. She is saying things, uttering words under her breath, words that the boy knows are meant for him. He doesn't care though, all he wants is to escape, to be free. He is desperate now and could care less if he is discovered to be an exorcist.

 

“Find someone!” Allen throws Timcanpy past the two females and at the door, watching the small golden creature as he slips past them and out of the room. The sight of the golem causes the Circus Master to stop, to freeze suddenly. She turns around and stares at the door.

 

“Ivonne! Try and catch it!” The female nods and runs from the room. Allen is staring at the door, praying that Tim can get away.

 

His hair is suddenly fisted and his body goes rigid.

 

“YOU DAMNED EXORCIST!” The Circus Master growls at him, dragging him from the room by his hair. “I can't believe you came here!” Allen can feel his head starting to ache, can feel the sound starting up. He knows that it is impossible to stop it, to stop the pain that is starting up.

 

He can't even scream, let alone move. His body is frozen stiff, unyielding as the woman drags him down the hall, shouting for someone named Tsuki. His eyes are watering, a pressure is building in his head as the sound increases, deafening his ears. He wants to move, to grab a hold of his head but he can't, all he can do is feel as he is dragged after the woman.

 

The Circus Master slams open a door, tossing Allen into the room as if he were nothing more then a pile of rocks. The boy lands harshly on the floor, his body suddenly able to react. He lets out a scream, burning his throat even more, as his hands shoot up to his head, to try and cover his ears.

 

The sound continues though, and Allen feels like his brain is going to explode. The longer the feeling lasts the more he wishes it would happen, just to make that pain stop. His body is suddenly kicked and his arms are strapped down. Allen feels like he should know what is happening, see what is being done to him but the sound is so deafening, so blinding, so painful, that he can no longer see, even with his eyes open.

 

“SHUT UP!” The Circus Masters voice echoes through the room and Allen's screams are abruptly stopped, his body falling limp as the sound ceases and the pain dulls.

 

The boy can't help but stare up at the ceiling, his eyes still unable to focus on anything. He feels numb, empty as someone moves about the room, as things are said and done. He wants to survive through the night but he doesn't know how much more he can take, he feels like his sanity is slipping, that he'll no longer be there soon.

 

A cool, damp cloth is laid over his eyes and something is said, muttered near his ear, something that he wishes he could comprehend. He feels his robe being tugged from his body, ripped away from him, exposing him to the room. Allen doesn't care though, not anymore, he doesn't care about anything other then his own survival now…and even that feels grim.

 

Water is splashed onto him, rinsing the dried blood from his body. It burns though, burns as it fills the gash on his abdomen, the spot on his back where he knows something has been removed. He can feel himself being cleaned, can feel a cloth being rubbed against him, wherever there is blood. When the movement subsides the cloth over his eyes is pulled back.

 

He is pulled up, his arms removed from the shackles they have been placed in. He comes face to face with the boy who has eyes that remind him of the daytime sky. Allen stares at the blond boy, waiting for something more to happen but when nothing does he looks away.

 

“What you did was very bad…” The boy speaks softly and Allen realizes that the Circus Master is no longer in the room.

 

“I…know…” His throat aches and his voice cracks as he speaks.

 

“You are going to be punished…” Allen's head feels heavy and he wonders, as the room shifts, if he is going to faint, if he would be aloud to. “She's…she's going to make you eat the flower and drink its nectar…”

 

“Flower…?” His voice cracks again and almost gives out, he's over used it and he knows it, he doesn't care though, not when he is going to be punished again…

 

“She's going to make you forget who you are and eat the Lotus…” It's then that the room shifts and Allen falls back, his mind wondering just what he could forget and how that could be a punishment…

 

And he has no idea how much he can forget

 

Chapter done! And boy was that something akin to what my real angst is like. Little Allen is starting to lose his mind, poor him I know, but he gets another chance at sanity… Though I know all of you are asking where out Kanda in shining leather is, well…he'll show up…eventually, as this is a Yullen fic. I promise you though, when he does show up it'll be Won-der-ful! \0/ In the meantime, the next chapter is called The Lotus Eater

 

Au Revoir,

~Israfel~