D. Gray-man Fan Fiction ❯ Circus of Night ❯ Hold me, Please ( Chapter 9 )

Disclaimer: If I owned this, it WOULD NOT be posted here, it would rather be published and in book form… that being said, I do not own the people in this fic…though I REALLY would love to have a Kanda…

 

Warning: …nothing really to say about this chapter…

 

Note from Israfel: Yeah, late I know…but I am trying to work on Fixated, which I need to up date…I've also been planning stuff for Perfect Weakness. And things have happened in life recently, mainly the same things that Niamh had happen not to long ago…we're just glad it didn't happen at the same time, all of you might have died from a lack of updates…

 

 

CircUs of NIghT

 

~Hold me, Please~

 

 

Komui hasn't been awake for very long.

 

Actually he hasn't been up for more then five minutes. His face is still lying on the desk, and he knows that his neck is going to hurt when he moves. His neck and his back… He waits a little bit, waits for the rest of his body to wake up before sitting up, silently cursing himself for having fallen asleep at his desk once more.

 

The Asian man blinks a few times, pealing a piece of paper stuck to his face off before leaning back in his chair. His back cracks just enough to dull the ache in it but not enough to eliminate the pain. Komui hunches forward blinking again before realizing that he is missing his glasses.

 

He scans his desk top knowing that they can't be far, since he's pretty sure he fell asleep with them on. He spots them sitting next to a cup of coffee he doesn't remember receiving… The Asian man puts them on and sets the new file sitting on his desk to the side, in his work-to-be-done pile. He picks the cup up and stares at it, swirling the liquid around a few times.

 

The Asian man decides that it probably won't kill him and takes a sip…

 

…only to spit it back into the cup.

 

There's a light knock on his door and he sets the cup down, calling for the person to enter. Komui smiles brightly upon seeing his sister walk into the room, tray under her arm and a cup in her hand.

 

“I thought you might need some coffee seeing as its morning now…” Linalee shuts the door behind her and heads over to her brother. She moves to hand him the cup noticing the one sitting on his desk already.

 

“Someone brought you some already?” The Asian man pouts as his sister holds the cup just out of arms length.

 

“It was here when I woke up, you didn't bring it did you?” The female shakes her head no as she hands the cup to her brother. “No, I woke up not too long ago…” Komui takes a large gulp from the cup, reveling in the taste that only his sister seems to be able to make.

 

“Lavi must have brought it last night…” The female picks the old cup up and looks at the liquid.

 

“That's what I thought…” Komui sets the fresh cup down and exhales slowly. For a moment there is silence in the room and Linalee knows better then to disturb it. She can see that her brother is thinking, though she isn't sure what is worrying him at the moment. The girl feels her chest tighten as she wonders if it has to do with Allen.

 

“Brother, when is Lavi going to leave to get Allen…?” Her question is soft, and she is nervous for a moment, nervous because the answer will tell her how much longer she has to wait to see him.

 

“Once Cross calls and tells me he has him.” The Asian man shifts in his seat looking over at the files he has yet to work on.

 

“And when will that be?”

 

“I'm not sure…” Linalee frowns lightly before looking over at the clock on the wall.

 

“I'm going to get breakfast, would you like me to bring some back for you?” Komui plasters a smile onto his face, trying to get his sister to stop worrying. “Of course!” The female returns the smile with a little less enthusiasm before turning and heading for the door.

 

“Oh, and Linalee, can you do me a favor and show Lavi how to make coffee properly…”

 

-

 

The lights are off and the room is silent, dim as the morning sun rises, trying to fight its way through the curtains. Cross is sitting next to the bed, cigarette in his mouth and a glass of wine in his hand. He's thinking, trying to decide on what he's going to tell Komui when he calls him. He has no intention of doing so until Allen is better though, until his fever has gone down some.

 

The red-haired man looks over at the boy. Allen is lying on the bed, the sheets twisted around his body, sticking to where ever his skin is showing. He is sweating profusely and it's beginning to worry Cross. He wants to call a doctor but…the boy's appearance would raise questions that cannot easily be answered.

 

The man exhales around his cigarette before stubbing it out in an ash try. He stands and removes the damp towel from the boy's forehead. Allen makes a sound and shifts on the bed, his breathing increasing some. Cross is glad that he got the boy to change before he passed out, glad that he doesn't have to wash the oddly small kimono by hand…

 

Allen kicks the sheets off again and Cross pulls them back over him. He places the cloth back on his forehead, having dunked it in a bucket of ice water. He leans back in his seat, glancing over at his larger exorcists jacket that is hanging on the back of the door.

 

He is unsure if he should let the videos of Allen stay in Tim's memory… They were disturbing enough to watch once, and he knows that he is going to have to see them again when Komui extracts Timcanpy's memory…

 

“I need a drink…” Cross exhales before standing and moving towards the cabinets on the other side of the room. He pulls out a bottle of scotch and a cup before turning around to get some ice from the unused bucket next to the bed.

 

He drops the bottle though…

 

…and doesn't even care that it hasn't broken…

 

Allen has kicked the sheets off of himself again, has started to whine in his sleep…

 

…but that's not what's surprised the man, it's that his appearance is changing, that the vines and the moyashi constricting his left arm are slowly retreating. The boy lets out another sound, something akin to a pant, and tilts his head to the side. He is gripping the sheets and withering.

 

Cross jumps when Allen bends his knees and pulls his legs up a little, the large shirt he has been given to wear riding up. The man hurries over to the bed, pulling the shirt back down, staring at the markings all over the boy's body as they start to undo themselves. He is amazed, amazed at the sight of the markings on Allen's feet as they slowly start to unwind, as they slowly pull down his legs.

 

With in seconds everything is gone…

 

…and Allen looks normal again, looks like what he used to…

 

His breathing slows down and within seconds he does not seem as ill as before. The red-haired man reaches over and pulls the damp cloth off the boy, resting the back of his hand against his cheeks and forehead. Cross can't help but feel relieved as he can feel the difference in Allen's body temperature.

 

-

 

It's hot…so hot…

 

…and he feels uncomfortable, like something inside of him is stirring, telling him he needs to do something…

 

But…he can't move, his body feels heavy…

 

His head is killing him and he can feel a pressure behind his eyes.

 

He knows he's forgetting something, something all too important, and it is making his chest tight, making his heart ache…

 

He wants to move, he needs to move, to open his eyes…except… When he does, all he can see is a blurry room and a blurry man.

 

“Go back to sleep, you need it…” The cloth on his forehead is removed for a moment, returning much cooler then before.

 

-

 

Cross watches Allen a moment, waiting to see if the boy is going to try and get up. When it looks like he isn't he turns back to the disabled golem in his hand. It is midday already, almost noon. He knows that it is late back at the Order right now, probably after midnight, but that's what he wants…

 

…to talk to Komui when he knows no one else should be there…

 

The red-haired man turns Timcanpy on and waits a moment for the creature to power up. The second it happens Tim is fluttering around like mad, barring its fangs every time Cross tries to grab him.

 

“Don't act like that Tim,” Rather then sound angry the man sounds tired and it causes the golden creature to pause in midair. “I need to make a call to the Order…and I'm not going to turn you off again.”

 

Timcanpy seems to puff up, almost as if daring the man to try it, before flying over to the phone in the room. The Golem latches onto the phone cord as Cross picks the phone up. Within seconds he is connected to the Black Order and the phone is ringing.

 

-

 

Komui is sitting at his desk, filling out the paperwork that has accumulated over the day. He is trying to ignore the redhead that is lying upside down on the couch reading god knows what. There is a small smile on the teens lips though, one that the Asian man does not want to admit to himself that he likes.

 

He has not seen the young man smile in a long time, just like he has not seen his sister smile properly either…until the other day…

 

He does not want to be the reason for their good moods to fall, to be the one to deliver bad news… Lavi shifts on the couch, moving to lie on his stomach. He flips a page before Komui looks back at his paperwork…

 

…the redhead glances over at him quickly…

 

For a moment silence reigns supreme once more, only to be broken by the phone ringing. The two look over at it before looking up at the clock; Lavi is beside the desk in a flash. They both know that the only one to call this late would be Cross right now.

 

“Hello,” Komui leans back from his desk, giving Lavi a look of vague annoyance.

 

“I have him.” Cross does not need to say who he is, does not need to ask for Komui. He knows the other man's voice well enough, knows that he is expecting his call.

 

“How is he?” Komui stares at Lavi a moment, at the redhead's eager face, before realizing he is doing so. He turns his chair away from him, to concentrate on the conversation more.

 

“…” For a moment he doesn't get a reply, and it worries him.

 

“How-”

 

“You'll see when we get there…”

 

“Tell me now.” Komui does not want to have a surprise coming to him. He wants to be prepared, wants to prepare his sister and Lavi for what the boy is like now. The Asian man can hear the other sigh over the line and he knows that something bad has happened.

 

“He's had his memories blocked…or removed, I'm not sure which.”

 

“Amnesia…” Komui exhales the word, forgetting that Lavi is next to him. He looks over that the redhead instantly regretting it, the teens face has gone blank.

 

“Forced Amnesia, Tim has…the recording of before it happened…along with other things…”

 

“Things…?” They way Cross says the word, they way it drips from the man with nothing less then pure loathing worries Komui more then anything. He turns his chair completely around so that his back is too the young man now.

 

“What happened?”

 

“I'm going to be getting on a train in a little while when Allen wakes up, we'll be heading towards the Order as soon as possible…”

 

“Cross what happened.” Komui is demanding an answer now, though he doubts he is going to get it. If the General does not want to answer then he won't…

 

“…you'll see…” The phone goes dead and the man feels his heart sink. He knows what that place is like, knows what happens there…and he has a good idea what has happened to Allen…

 

“Lavi…” The redhead perks up as the other turns around in his seat. “Get ready to leave in the morning-”

 

“Can we leave now?” Komui swallows, unable to figure out why he cannot deny the younger male his request.

 

“Alright…”

 

-

 

Allen can feel his body being pulled up right, can feel the large shirt he has been given to wear being removed. He opens his eyes, tries to at least, only to see a blurry version of Cross.

 

“…Ma…ster…?” It's hard to speak, to think straight. His arm is lifted and he can feel it being put into a sleeve. It takes him a moment to realize that he is being dressed, being put back into his Kimono.

 

Allen is pulled to his feet, supported solely by a pair of strong hands as the Kimono is wrapped around him. He blinks, trying to get the room into focus, or to at least keep his eyes open for more then a few seconds. The boy is set back onto the edge of the bed, the obi being wrapped tightly around his torso, holding the robe shut.

 

Cross leans over Allen, the boys face coming in contact with his chest as he ties the Obi in a large bow, something that will hold the kimono shut. He pauses when he feels smaller hands grasp his shirt, hanging onto the cloth gently.

 

“Master…wha's-”

 

“Were leaving today.” The red-haired man glances over at the window, at the sun as it starts to go down, to create the long shadows at the end of a day. He moves away from the half awake boy and pulls a pair of socks out of his suit case. Cross knows that he needs to cover Allen's feet, that he should give him shoes to wear…except that he has no money to go and buy some.

 

He pulls the socks up the boy's legs, as far as they can go, before putting another pair over them. He picks his exorcists jacket up from the bed and pulls the boys arms through the too large sleeves.

 

“You can go back to sleep.” The man buttons the jacket up and pulls the hood over Allen's head. The boy is instantly submerged in darkness with a scent that seems to relax him, that calms his senses. Cross shuts his suit case and latches it. He picks Allen up, holding onto him like he would a small child, letting his head rest against his shoulder and his legs rest at his sides.

 

He uses his free hand to pick the suitcase up and place it in the one that is mainly supporting Allen. Cross glances around the room one last time before feeling Timcanpy settles atop his hat. He tosses the Keys onto the bed and leaves the room unlocked.

 

-

 

The air outside is cold, nipping at Allen's uncovered skin. He tightens his grip on the red-haired man as he is carried somewhere. He wants to look up, to see where they are but part of him is scared, terrified at what he might see, at angering his…Master…

 

He is tired though, tired despite the trickle of fear that is flowing through his body; tired because he is weak, because he still has a fever. The movement stops as Cross waits for a carriage to pass. One of the arms that is holding him up is moved and within seconds Allen can smell smoke.

 

The scent jars his nerves, causing him to tense up. The man can feel it and lowers the cigarette from his mouth. He can cross the street now but he decides not to.

 

“Something wrong?” His voice is calm, soft, yet the boy can feel it vibrate through the man's chest, can feel it wash over his entire body.

 

“No-nothing…Master…” Allen whispers, timid, afraid that he wasn't supposed to speak yet. For a moment Cross says nothing, making him feel like he has done something wrong.

 

“…I'm sorry…”

 

“It's not you, I'm just thinking about how I'm going to carry you along with something else.”

 

“I can walk.”

 

“No.” The answer is nearly demanded, said with enough force that the boy's body goes stiff again. The scent of smoke fills the Allen's nostrils for a second before being blown away with a strong gust of wind. “You have no shoes and there's ice and snow on the ground.”

 

Cross starts to walk again, crossing the street quickly.

 

-

 

His body feels numb, cold, yet he feels all too hot at the same time.

 

He has been sitting on a bench, the large exorcists jacket pulled tightly around his body, for what feels like forever. He was told to stay, that his Master will come back in few moments…but it's been so long now.

 

He feels like he has been abandoned…

 

And something in the back of his mind tells him that this feeling, this sensation, is not new…

 

His low back burns.

 

Another strong gust of wind blows by, stinging his skin, making him shiver more noticeably. He doesn't know where he is, doesn't know what the world is like, doesn't even remember if it was round, flat or oval. All he knows is that he is cold, and that he wants his Master to come back.

 

He wants him to pick him and carry him like before…

 

…he wants to be held and to not have any lust behind those actions…

 

-

 

The view is dull, meaningless, and all Lavi can do is wish that the train moved faster, wish that he was allowed to use his hammer to travel. He knows that he can't, and that's why he hasn't asked. That's why he has permitted himself to sit there and stare out the window at the scenery that blurs by.

 

Bookman is across from him, reading something, a newspaper he picked up on his way onto the train. He has said nothing to his apprentice, nothing to the young man since they left the Order. He knows that he should not say anything yet, that his student seems to have not noticed himself…

 

Lavi shifts in his seat, anxious, uncomfortable with the moment. He feels stiff and restless. He is normally not this bad with Bookman. The train starts to slow down as they enter a town, another one on the way to Allen.

 

They slow to a stop, at the train station, and Lavi sits up a little more looking out the window, at all of the people. None of them are the one's he wants to see, are the one's that Linalee has crying herself to sleep over.

 

With in moments the train lurches forward and continues on, slowly gaining speed but not really taking off, not until they are out of the town. The redhead shifts in his seat, wondering how Linalee is doing, wondering if she is handing coffee out to everyone in the Science Department…

 

…to Komui…

 

Lavi closes his eyes and leans against the window, trying to figure out just why the Asian man had agreed to letting him leave that night, had said Yes to him.

 

“Stop thinking.” Bookman's words cut through Lavi's jumbled mind, causing the young man to snap his eyes open.

 

“Ah, but Panda you know if I do that then you won't have an apprentice anymore!” It is a nice attempt at how he used to act, at his past mannerisms, but it is dulled, something that doesn't feel…Right…at the moment. Bookman gives the redhead a look that tells him to shut up, before handing him a newspaper.

 

“Study it, you need to know what's happening right now.”

 

-

 

He is drifting in and out of consciousness.

 

His body is numb now…

 

But…

 

…he is moving…

 

Master has come back for him. Has picked him up, and is carrying him with one arm. Allen does not remember the man returning, does not remember the extra jacket being pulled over his small frame, does not remember being lifted.

 

All he knows is that he can smell smoke, can feel the large hand that is holding him up, can feel the chest he is leaning against moving up and down slowly…

 

..So evenly…

 

…and there is that heart beat, the steady heart beat that is lulling him back into a dreamless sleep…

 

Allen can hear muffled voices, talking, two men. For once he doesn't care though, he doesn't feel threatened, doesn't feel scared. He feels safe in these arms, and he likes that…but something is missing…

 

The something that makes his chest hurt, that makes his head spin, that makes his low back burn as he tries to understand the sensations, understand the intense pain the sits in the bottom of his stomach, the over whelming need to cry…

 

The air around him changes as he vaguely registers a step up, into something. The air is warm, comforting, but loud. He is calling his mind back to the surface, back from the dazed and pleasant land he has been in.

 

Allen pulls himself together as he is set down on something soft and plush. He has to blink his eyes a few times to regain his vision beneath the hood. He hears something heavy being set down across the small room before the seat he is on shifts under the weight of someone else.

 

The boy looks up, glances at the large…Object…on the other side of the compartment. It is something he has no memory of, something that makes his low back ache. He turns his attention to the red-haired man and watches as he pulls a cigarette out and lights it. Cross takes notice of the sleepy eyes and lowers the cigarette from his lips after it is lit.

 

“You're awake? You should just go back to sleep…” Allen stares at the man, his eyes drifting towards the window.

 

“…but…it is…night…Master…” His voice is timid, as he is unsure of speaking, unsure of what the man wants him to be like.

 

“And night is when people sleep. Which you need to, you are still a little feverish.” Cross frowns lightly after his statement, hating that it took him longer then he had hopped to dispose of the Akuma in the area, longer then he had wanted it to take to get to Maria's Grave.

 

For a moment there is silence, broken only by the sounds of the train as it starts to move, slowly lurching forward as it heads off towards the darkening horizon. Allen is looking down at the ground, at the socks covering his feet, which he is starting to be able to feel again.

 

“Master…wants me…to sleep?” He looks over at Cross, who has cracked the window just enough to let the smoke out. The man nods, knowing that it is going to be a long train ride, that by the time they get to Bookman and Lavi he will be at his limit.

 

“Yes, and you can sleep wherever you want in here.” He is met with more silence, and the air in the compartment becoming oddly thick. He glances over at the boy, who has pulled the hood on his head back just enough so that he can see.

 

“Does Master really mean that?” Cross frowns at the expression he is being given, at such simple joy that is exploding behind Allen's eyes.

 

“Yes,” He replies unable to deny the fact that he feels uncomfortable when such a look is being directed at him. He takes a drag off his cigarette and exhales slowly, the smoke being pulled out the window almost instantly. Cross can still feel eyes on him, can still feel the uncertainty behind them. He takes his hat off and sets it on the seat across from him.

 

“Go on, just lie down…” The man closes his eyes, trying to block reality out for just a second…only…

 

…only to suddenly feel a weight settle onto his lap.

 

“What are you doing?”

 

“Master said I could lie where I wanted…and I want to be here…” There is a faint color in the boys cheeks and it only serves to remind the man that Allen still has a fever, still is not quite well.

 

And he feels guilty for having left him alone and outside for so long.

 

“Fine, just sleep.” Allen pulls the hood over his eyes again, darkening his vision before leaning forward and resting his head against Cross' chest, his ear against his heart.

 

And he prays silently to himself, that this man will not leave him

 

Riiiiiiiiiiight Chapter done…. And yes the enxt one will be a little late as well, since I am trying to update Fixated, another MUCH longer fic then this… the Next chapter is Fear of Faith. OH and before all of you ask about Kandy, AGAIN, I remind you that he will not show up yet, only after Allen is back at the order you can start asking again…

 

 

Au Revoir,

~Israfel~