D. Gray-man Fan Fiction ❯ Circus of Night ❯ Fear of Faith ( Chapter 10 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Disclaimer: The creator of DGM is not me, if I were Kanda would be in leather pants and topless almost all the time…

Warning: Mild kissing…

Note from Israfel: Saying this chapter is late is an understatement, I know, but I have my reasons and they are as follows:

1) My father was in the hospital

2) My father got bit by a poisonous spider in our backyard and had his leg swell up 3X the normal size

3) My fathers company got bought out and he's been home while I have been working like crazy to pay bills (he got another job already though)

4) I have two jobs now and very little free time, I generally sleep in my spare time…

5) I had my birthday and got to do…nothing…seriously, which is good to me since I'm always working and I need my rest, though I did get a sewing machine so I can make Lolita clothes (as I am one <3) Which also means I am 19 now…yay… OH and I have a cell phone again <3 I need to buy minutes though… >.< So when I get minutes if you want my number just ask, I don't mind…random txt's for me to get my ass in gear are helpful… (txt's because they are 30 sec's each…)

CircUs of NIghT

~Fear of Faith~

The window has been shut, a long time ago, and the room has started to warm up. Allen is still sitting on Cross, is still lying against him. His feet are bare once again, and he is dressed only in his kimono and the all too large exorcist jacket.

Cross wants to move, to stand and find out just where they are right now. He doesn't though, only because the boy's breathing is even, calm, telling him that he is asleep, has been for about an hour. Timcanpy flutters about the room, enjoying the fact that he hasn't been shut off again.

The red-haired man shifts in his seat, just a little, enough to bring feeling back into his legs. He finds himself staring out the window again, gently rubbing Allen's back.

The boy is an idiot but what he's doing makes him an even bigger one…

Komui is lying on his couch. The floor of his office is clean again, has been swept for the third time that day. He has finished his work that morning, before noon even, and has spent the rest of the day trying to occupy himself. He is anxious, almost as much as Linalee, but for another reason, for another person.

The Asian man closes his eyes, a notebook on the floor next to him. He was trying to think of something useful to make, trying not to create something for fun once again. He's done that one too many times as of late.

The glass windows of the ceiling rattle gently as a strong breeze rushes past the building. Komui stares up at the night sky, at the frost covered glass and shivers a little, not because he is cold, but because of the thought of being cold. The phone on his desk rings and he looks at it, deciding on whether to answer or not.

He does, because he knows that he has to, that it's his job…

…and because he is hoping it is Lavi, reporting on where he and Bookman are.

“Hello.” Komui flops down in his seat at his desk.

“Hi,” Lavi's voice fills his ear and for a moment the Asian man has a thought, one that he shoves back instantly, ignores the second it has appeared. “We're almost there, eight more hours and we'll have Allen back…” There is a note of suppressed excitement in his voice, of an eagerness akin to that of a child's.

“That's good…” Komui's voice trails off and he leans back in his seat. “Cross is going to put Allen into your care before leaving…”

“He's not coming back to the Order?” Lavi doesn't sound surprised but the older man can feel the underlying emotion through the phone.

“No, once he switches trains he's only going to be there till you and Bookman arrive, he's going to get off at the next stop after that.” Komui removes his glasses after glancing at the clock. It is starting to get late and his mind is starting to wander into dangerous territory. “I shouldn't have let you go before talking to you about this…”

There is a silence in the room and Komui momentarily thinks that Lavi's golem has cut out, that he's lost the connection. “Why…why did you let me?” The redhead's voice is softer then before, nervous almost and it makes the man nervous as well, the only difference is that he knows why. Komui clears his throat, trying to calm himself so that he doesn't have to explain, so that he can talk without his voice wavering.

“We need to get Allen back.” He is entering denial, they both are.

Denial about what is happening.

Denial about what has happened,

Denial about what is going to happen…

“If we don't…” The Asian man closes his eyes, leans back in his chair and tries not to think, tries not to know what could have happened. He shakes his head before finishing his thought. “Never mind, Cross is with him.” It is Lavi's turn to be silent, to take in and try to comprehend what has been said. His mind is slow, slower then it should be for an apprentice Bookman…

“…you're worried about the Noah attacking?”

“I can't talk about this right now, not over the phone.” There is a sound in the background, over the phone and Komui knows that Bookman is there, checking on Lavi. The Asian man can hear the two talking, almost able to make out what they are saying.

“Call back later, give an update once you have him.” The redhead gives a quick reply before the line goes dead. Komui hangs the phone up, staring at it, wondering just where Cross is with Allen right now. He has a feeling that the general knows, probably more then he thinks, and the feeling is unnerving.

He still wants to pretend that it was an accident that Allen got sent to the Circus of Night…

Hands grasp tightly at his white shirt, pulling the cloth up, bunching it.

Cross looks down at Allen, at the boy that has been asleep for quite some time now. The sky is dark, the sun is no longer visible, it's light no longer lingering on their part of the world. He is worried about Allen's fever. Worried because the boy's breathing has picked up some, has been heavy for quite sometime now.

He can feel the heat the small body is pouring off, can feel the increased temperature, and he prays that it doesn't mean the boy has gotten worse. Cross removes his hand from the small of Allen's back and pulls a cigarette out of the pack that has been sitting next to him. The boy makes a sound and he realizes something, realizes that Allen's awake.

The red-haired man holds the cigarette between his fingers, unlit as he decides on what to say.

“Allen, how are you feeling?” The boy tenses in his lap, leans farther into his chest. He is nervous, trembling some.

“Master…it…it hurts…” His voice wavers lightly, pained and Cross frowns deeply.

“What hurts?”

“My…back…my shoulder blades…” The hands buried in his shirt tighten even more, to such a point that Allen's knuckles turn white.

“Your…back?” The man repeats, trying to think of a reason as to why. It is then that a sound escapes the boy, a pained sound that Cross cannot ignore.

“You need to take the jacket off, or lower it enough so that I can see your back.” For a moment Allen doesn't move, his grip on the shirt lessens some and a second later he is lowering his hands. Cross waits patiently as the boy removes the hood, as his pale colorless hair comes into view.

The room is filled with a scent almost instantly, one that grows stronger, more apparent as Allen reveals his body. He lowers the large jacket down past his shoulders and leans into the large chest before him, holding tightly to the shirt once more.

Cross can feel the body tremble a little and it worries him. He raises his hands and sets them on Allen's shoulders, trying to think of someway to comfort him. He is surprised though, because for a moment the smaller body stills, before the shaking starts again. The red-haired man gives a gentle squeeze to the small shoulders that barely fill his hands.

He moves his hands down some, pulling the small kimono with them until the Obi stops the movement. Cross can see it easily then, can see the raised red skin on Allen's back, on his shoulder blades. He moves his hand, the one that is still holding the unlit cigarette, around Allen's waist and pulls the boy closer to his body.

Allen is still shaking, still trembling some but the arm around him is comforting and oddly warm, easing his mind. There is a sudden pain in his back, another spike, one that causes him to gasp. Cross frowns and uses his free hand to gently touch the raised skin.

Another sound escapes the boy, tears coming into his eyes. It is in the moment that it happens, that the skin tears and a clear fluid spills out. The man watches as the strange leaf like wings emerge, watches as they rip the skin farther apart. He holds on tighter to Allen, feeling the hands in his shirt.

“Master…it hurts…” The voice is small and it pains Cross to hear the boy, who in the past would never have admitted such a thing, would never allow himself to sound so helpless.

“I know…” He closes his eyes, resting his head against Allen's, the strange scent filling the room, oddly calming him.

Silence fills the room, broken only by heavy breathing.

Cross is rubbing Allen's low back, trying to calm him, comfort him. He has watched the changes happen, has watched the wings appear, has watched the vines and moyashi creep out of the tears in his skin. He knows now that this is something that will happen every night, something that the boy will have to endure when the sun goes down.

He does not know if he will have to suffer each night though.

“Does it still hurt?” Cross's voice is rough, causing Allen's body to stiffen at the sudden break in silence. The boy had been on the verge of falling asleep again, exhausted from the pain.

“Not…as badly…”

“You should lie down.”

“I want to stay like this… I want to be close to Master.” Cross is unsure of what to make of the words, though he wants to stand, figure out just where Tim went.

He is thinking about erasing his memory again.

“I need to make a phone call.” The man moves to stand, forcing Allen to move to the side. The boy looks up at him, removing the hood so that he can see. Cross smells that scent again, almost instantly. It's the same scent from before. He tries to think of what it is, of where it is coming from.

It smells like honey, almonds and vanilla…

For a moment the man has a thought, one he does not understand, one that causes his blood flow to shift. He stares at Allen as the boy says something. Cross watches his lips move, his mind barely registering what is being said.

“…Master…?” The boy stands, moving towards the general. “Are you okay?” He looks away, the sway of the train forcing him to take a step back. He feels like he is slowing down, like his mind is being numbed. Cross closes his eyes, trying to understand the sudden sensations.

Allen takes a step forward, placing his hands on the man's chest, his time spent with the Circus apparent in his every move. The sudden contact sets Cross's skin on fire and he realizes what is happening, realizes what the scent is doing to him.

“I'll be back in a little bit. Don't let anyone but me in the room.” Allen is suddenly left alone, feeling like he has done something wrong.

Rhode is standing below a tree.

It is snowing out, and the ground is covered in a thick white blanket. She is dressed in a goth loli dress, a black cape covering her shoulders, both decorated in white lace. She is waiting for her uncle, for Tyki to show up. He is late, as she has expected.

His absence does not bother her because she is amused.

She is watching an exorcist fight with some Akuma.

She is watching Kanda fight the Akuma.

Rhode looks up at the sky, at the clouds that are swirling above her. There is a sound behind her but she ignores it. She knows that it is Tyki, making his way through the thick snow to the top of the hill she is on.

“The snow kept me,” He sounds annoyed, Rhode guesses it is from the meeting place.

“It's not him so it's fine…” The female's voice is half amused sounding, mirth filling her eyes.

“How do you know?” Tyki is dressed in his proper clothes, a thick jacket covering his upper body.

“His hands…” Rhode smiles at this, her eyes observant of every move the Japanese man makes below her. Tyki gives his niece a look of disbelief. She turns to look at him, a large smile on her face before finishing her sentence. “That one has large hands but they're not nimble. The 14th plays the piano, he has to have nimble fingers and quick hands…”

Komui is dreaming in his office.

He is asleep on his couch, the phone pulled over next to him, placed on the floor. He was waiting for Lavi to call, to tell him that Allen is with him when he fell asleep. The dream he is having is strange, surreal, something he is going to scold himself about later.

A sound jolts his senses waking him just a little, enough to have slight control over his thoughts. Komui shifts on the couch. His heart rate jumps as the sound happens again. He vaguely realizes the phone is ringing now and he pulls his eyes open.

He is amazed at where his subconscious has gone, amazed at what he was dreaming about, too shocked to realize what had woken him up. The phone rings, again, startling Komui. The Asian man reaches over and picks it up, hoping now that is isn't Lavi.

“Hello?” He clears his throat, trying to push his thoughts back.

“You need to create something to counteract a scent.” Cross's voice is clear in his ear causing him to fall back onto the couch, oddly relieved.

“A scent?” He asks closing his eyes to the blurred room.

“Allen emits a scent that intoxicates others.” For a moment nothing is said. There is a silence over the phone and Komui finds himself starting to drift back to sleep.

“Cross?” He says after a moment, pulling his eyes back open. “What do you mean?” He leans over the edge of the couch and fumbles blindly for his glasses a moment before finding them.

“The scent he admits intoxicates others. Its part of something the Circus did to him.”

“Part of?” Komui frowns outwardly, knowing the ethereal changes that people undergo there. “What does he look like at night?”

“You'll see when he gets there.”

“Is it bad?”

“…it's…” Cross exhales through the phone. He sounds unsure to Komui, indecisive of what to say.

“…It's okay, I'll see him soon right?”

“Yeah, we're almost to the train station…”

The door slides open and Cross walks back into the compartment.

Allen is covered again in his jacket, huddled up on the seat. His legs are pulled up to his chest in a fetal position. The boy does not move when the door opens, does not acknowledge Cross's presence until he speaks.

“Does your back still hurt?” His voice is gruff sounding, and his throat is dry. Allen shakes his head lightly, moving as little as possible. The speed of the train seems to slow and lights began to flash past the window. Cross moves to pick up his suit case and set it next to Maria's Grave. Timcanpy is fluttering about the room, excited for the change of scenery to come.

The train slows some more and the general stands before Allen. He moves to help the boy stand and when he does Allen looks up at him, from beneath the hood. His eyes are covered but his cheeks and bright red lips are visible. Cross feels a desire to press his own against them creep up his spin. He pushes the thought back down as Allen speaks softly.

“Does Master hate me?”

“Why would you ask that?” The man blinks, surprised at the boy's question.

“You…you ran from me when I touched you…is it bad to touch you?” He frowns at the statement, at the question. For a moment he closes his eyes, trying to think of something to say, of how he can explain himself. The scent is still in the room, is affecting him again, though it is faint now. Cross clears his throat and leans down, kissing Allen on the cheek gently.

“No, I just had something that needed done then.” His voice is soft, calming, and the boy can feel it flow through his body, causing him to tingle strangely. The man stands up, looking over at the window, trying to ignore the odd emotion growing in his chest, the lust that is rising in response to the scent…

The scent that is floating about the room, that is being emitted from Allen…

The boy moves to his knees, so that he is closer in height to Cross. He places his hands on the man's chest, drawing his attention back to him.

“Will Master use me now?”

Cross stares down at Allen, his eyes wide as he wishes that he had not said that, wishes that he means something else. He clears his throat, “What?” And prays that he has heard wrong.

“Will Master use my body now? May I please you?” For a moment Cross feels his mind shut off and his body reacts.

He cannot deny that Allen is attractive for a boy…

He cannot deny that having someone, anyone, ask to please him is a turn on…

He cannot deny having someone willing to do anything he says is arousing…

He cannot deny that the train is coming to a stop and he is kissing Allen heatedly, that the boy is pressed against the back of the seat with him between his legs.

Cross feels something hit the back of his head and he is reminded of Timcanpy, reminded that the train is going to be taking off again soon. He pulls himself back together, regretting his loss of control already, scolding himself mentally. Allen stares at the man, his lips red and bruised looking, wondering why he has stopped.

“We need to switch trains.” The general's voice is husky sounding, still laced with the suppressed desire. He straightens the boy's kimono and wraps his jacket tighter around his small frame before picking him up with one arm. Cross grabs his suit case and Maria's Grave before leaving the room.

It is cold out, freezing, below freezing, and it is starting to snow. Lavi is sitting on a bench and Bookman is next to him. They are waiting for a train, waiting for the train that Cross and Allen have boarded. They have been waiting for close to thirty minutes and will be waiting even longer.

Bookman is reading another paper, one that has been left out on the bench. It is from the previous day and appears interesting, though Lavi's mind is somewhere else. He is staring off at the empty tracks, at the empty platform they are sitting on.

He is thinking about Allen, about what state of mind he will be in, about his health. The redhead is worried, and he knows it, he knows that he isn't supposed to be, that his current persona is just that, a current one…

…but he can't help but feel nervous about what has happened.

Lavi closes his eyes against the cold, trying to stop his thoughts and to quell his anxiety. His mind is running in a million directions and it does nothing for his nerves. He is thinking too many things at once, too many things that involve others he shouldn't really care about.

He is wanting to call Komui again, to get some reassurance that Allen is fine…

That he is fine…

Allen is…content…happy feeling…

The emotion is strange to him, new, something he feels like he has never felt before. He wants to say he knows what it is like to feel happy, to be loved…yet…the part of his mind that is an empty void tells him he has never been. The gentle rocking motion of the train is claming, relaxing.

Allen is starting to fall asleep. He is curled up in Cross's lap, the man's hands are around his waist, holding him in place. They have been on the new train for less then an hour and nothing has happened. Timcanpy is sitting atop the man's red hair, having given up on trying to crawl inside Allen's hood.

“…Master…?” The boy's voice is soft, low enough that Cross guesses he is almost asleep.

“What?” He keeps his voice low, so as to not really disturb him.

“There is…something…in my mind…”

“In your mind?” Cross glances down at the boy in his lap, at his feet that are decorated strangely sitting on the seat beside him. His eyes follow the pattern, the design, before they are pulled back to Allen as he says something more.

“In the empty part…”

“What is it?” The red-haired man is genuinely curious.

“Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray dear lord my soul you'll keep, may you watch me through the night, and wake me with the morning light…”

“It's a bed time prayer, I'm surprised you remembered it…”

“…is that good?” Allen's voice is uneasy, causing Cross to wonder why.

“You used to say it a lot when you were younger…”

“Was I happy then?”

“For the most part.” There is something in the boy's voice that makes the man frown, something in the way he is speaking, in the way he recited the prayer that worries him.

“…then why does the prayer make me want to cry…?” Cross is silent, unsure of what to say. He doesn't understand how he should respond, how to comfort the boy; he was never good with doing so in the past.

“Don't worry about it, just go to sleep…”

Cross is silent and Allen is asleep.

The compartment the two are in is warm and well lit. Allen is covered completely by the general's exorcist jacket and his scent, the one that seems to stop proper thought, is covered, hidden beneath the large coat.

The boy is still in his lap, for the most part. He is lying on the seat, across the plush cushions, his head against his leg. Cross is contemplating having a cigarette, maybe even a glass of wine, though he knows that would be bad, to dilute his cognitive thought with someone so willing near by…

The man shakes the thought from his mind, dislodging the images that were starting to settle in. He quickly thinks of something else, to occupy his mind. He wonders how long they have been on the train…

Cross realizes that it has been well over an hour and that Lavi and Bookman are due to show up soon.

He closes his eyes, thinking about how he was to leave once they had arrived. He thinks about it, for a moment, about leaving Allen in their care…he won't though, he knows that. He cares too much for the child to leave him, cares more then he wants to admit.

Cross looks over at the window, at the night that rushes past. He is unable to see out, unable to see the world that flows by…until he realizes that the train is starting to slow down. The man closes his eyes, counts the seconds that it takes for it to come to a complete stop…

…and then the five minutes before they start to move again…

The minute between the time the train has stopped and the time someone knocks on the door seems to stretch on forever and Cross is undeniably worried, anxious. He is anxious because of the state Allen is in, because of how the boy acts, because of how he is so…different…so…sad…

“Come in…” Cross speaks in a voice that is firm, not loud, so that he is heard outside of the room, yet he does not wake Allen. The door slides open and Lavi appears in the doorway with Bookman at his side. The younger male seems stunned for a moment, shocked at the sight of Allen covered in the exorcist jacket, of him lying down in such a position with the general.

“Allen?” Lavi's voice is loud and it seems to wake the boy almost instantly. Cross is suddenly annoyed at the younger male and he isn't sure why. Allen sits up on the seat and glances around the room briefly, at the two new occupants.

“Master…who are they…?” Before Cross has a chance to say anything he is cut off by Lavi saying the boys name again, cut off by him reaching over and suddenly pulling Allen up to hug him…

It is in that moment that Lavi is shoved back, that Allen shouts and scrambles away from him, tripping over the all too large jacket. The hood is yanked off briefly only to be thrown back over his head by a vine covered hand.

It is too late though, Lavi and Bookman have seen it, have seen the flower petals in his hair, the vines and moyashi that creep up his face and cover the scar Mana has left on him, have smelt the strange scent for just a second…

Cross pulls the boy back, so that he is sitting sideways on his lap. He is amazed at how he is shaking, at the tone of his voice as he repeats over and over again into the room…

“Don't use me…”

“They won't, I promise…” The red-haired man speaks softly, close to Allen's ear, promising the boy that no one will touch him…

And he has no clue of impact his words will have

Well this chapter took much longer then I thought, though it comes from the fact that I have little free time right now, since I have two jobs and I hardly get full day's off form work. I hope all of you like this chapter, as I seem to like parts of it, while others…not so much. Also before I forget I want to make a note: Everything Allen does, like speak or act towards others, his time spent with the Circus is overly apparent, like when he speaks to Cross he touches him in a subtle yet enticing manner… The next chapter will be called You, Who I know Not

Au Revoir,

~Israfel~