D. Gray-man Fan Fiction ❯ Circus of Night ❯ You Who I Know Not ( Chapter 11 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Disclaimer: I hold no rights to D.Gray-Man… if I did…Kanda would never wear underware :3

Warning: nothing much… bummer I know…

Note from Israfel: Soooooooo I finished a chapter and I'm bringing it to you as soon as I can, which is now since you're reading it. I don't have much to say expect I'm happy that all of you who are reading this have returned! Ooooh and I have minutes on my phone now >:3

CircUs of NIghT

~You, Who I Know Not~

The compartment is silent.

Allen is sitting on Cross's lap and Lavi is staring at them. He is unsure of what to think, unsure of how to feel at the moment. He knows that in the past he would have asked, would have done something other then stare…but…

All he can think of at the moment is that he wants to call Komui and tell him that something is seriously wrong with Allen…

The boy shifts, mutters something to Cross. Lavi watches the man's hand move, watches as he rubs Allen's low back. It is then that he stands abruptly, then that he feels like he needs his reality to be grounded.

“Where are you going?” Bookman sounds a little annoyed as the younger male moves to the door.

“I promised Komui that I'd call him when we got Allen…” He opens the door and leaves the small room quickly.

Komui is signing papers on his desk. Reever is standing over him, waiting for him to finish. He knows that he doesn't need to watch the man to make sure he does it, though he is doing so out of an old habit he can't break.

He has noticed that the man's behavior has changed over the past week, has noticed that something is happening that he doesn't know about.

“Komui-” The phone rings abruptly stopping the man's sentence. The Asian man looks up, stares at Reever a moment before answering the phone.

“Hello?”

“It's me…” Lavi's voice floats through the receiver and the other male notes the sudden relaxation in his face. Komui looks up at Reever, silently asking him to leave. The man raises an eyebrow in response before doing so.

“You have Allen now?”

“Ah…yes…” Lavi's voice sounds hesitant, unsure and it unnerves the older male. “Cross is still with us right now, we haven't reached the next stop yet…” Komui closes his eyes, relieved to know that nothing bad has happened.

“How is Allen?” The next question is met with silence, something that unnerves the man to no end. “Lavi.” His voice sounds stern to the young man, prompting him to reply.

“Something is wrong with him…”

“Does he look odd?”

“I expected that…it's…” Lavi exhales through the phone, his sentence falling flat as he tries to think of how to describe what he has seen. “Allen hated Cross before, you remember that right?”

“…”

“Now…it's…it's like he can't breathe without him…” The redhead's voice sounds pained and it worries Komui, makes his chest ache.

“Breathe?” The Asian man repeats the others words, trying to understand what he means.

“Allen clings to Cross, he sits on his lap, he freaked out when I went to hug him, like I always did-”

“Lavi.” Komui stops the other, demanding him to get a hold of himself, to remember that he is not really supposed to care. “Try not to worry too much about it, we'll figure out how to help him when you get here.”

The younger male exhales through the phone. He sounds exhausted and Komui wonders how much of a toll all of this is taking on his mind. He wants to say something, wants to reassure the other that everything is fine…but he knows that it might not be, that something isn't right about all of this.

“Lavi…” Komui pauses, unsure of what to say, of what is actually going on. “Try not to forget that Cross is like Allen's second father-”

“He was rubbing his back!” The redhead snaps, and he isn't sure why. He knows what he has seen, knows that Cross is not being fatherly to his friend, though he isn't sure how to say it, to put it into words for the other to understand.

“Lavi, parents will do that if their child is having trouble sleeping...”

“No, it's not like that Komui!” Lavi does not shout, but is voice is loud, showing his emotions to the other clearly. The Asian man frowns on his side of the phone, unsure of what to say, of what exactly the other is implying…

Komui knows, understands somewhat, but not to what extent…

“Lavi…” The others silence worries him some, causes his stomach to turn just a little. “Say something if it makes you that uncomfortable…”

“I can't.” The redhead's voice sounds strained and Komui wonders if the other is frustrated to the point of tears.

“…why not?”

“Because, I'm not supposed to care!” Komui has to lean back in his seat, has to try and collect his thoughts. He isn't sure what the young man is referring to, why it would matter if he said something in front of Bookman.

“Do you love Allen?”

“I don't know, I think I do, but not in the way that I want to kiss him.” Lavi pauses, trying to collect his thoughts, to say what he really means. “He's…he's something that I want to protect and take care of…something that's a product of this war…” Komui closes his eyes, feeling uncertain of everything again.

“You don't know how true that is…” his voice is soft and the sentence is something of a spoken thought, one that the other is not meant to hear.

“Komui what do you mean…?”

The door slides open and Lavi takes his seat next to Bookman.

Allen is leaning against Cross, asleep against his chest, his body pulled up and compacted as much as possible. He wants to say something, to ask Cross why to understand what is going on in the man's mind…

…he doesn't though, doesn't because Bookman hands him something to read, to commit to memory…

Komui is sitting at his desk again, looking over the new assignments he is too hand out tomorrow, the one's that will send his sister away for a few days, the ones that will keep the others from returning anytime soon. He exhales slowly and sets them aside, knowing that something is being planned.

The phone rings and the Asian man jumps a little in surprise, not expecting another call that night, or at least for quite some time. He reaches over and picks the receiver up.

A gruff and annoyed voice fills his ear.

“Where am I going next?” Komui closes his eyes, hating how insistent the man is.

“You need a break.” He knows that it's pointless to tell the other that but he still does, because it is true.

“I'm fine, where am I going next?” Kanda's voice sounds exhausted and Komui wonders if his work is getting to him.

“Will you take a break after the next one?”

“…”

“Kanda…”

“I don't need one.”

“You do, promise me you'll take a break soon.” The younger man makes a sound, one of his that shows his annoyance.

“How long has it been since you've been back here?”

“I don't know.” Kanda's voice is starting to sound aggravated, Komui knows that he can press the subject only so much.

“It's been almost five months Kanda.”

“And?”

“You need a break, exorcists are supposed to take a break every two months, three at the most…”

“What about the Moyashi?” Komui frowns, unsure what the other is referring to.

“What about Allen?”

“He hasn't been back in almost the same amount of time.”

“What makes you say that?” Komui can feel a lump growing in his throat, caused by his own anxiety over the subject.

“The finders talk about it, they gossip like a bunch of damn house wives…”

“What have they said?” Komui leans back in his seat, tries to calm his mind and not think too much.

He doesn't want the whole Order to know what has happened to Allen, where he has been…

“That he's been gone for a long time.” Kanda pauses in his sentence and the older male can almost see him scowling. “Has something happened to the idiot?”

“No…everything's fine…” For a moment Komui thinks that Kanda is going to call him out on his lie, ask him what has happened…but…he doesn't.

“Whatever, now where am I going next?”

“Right, so you'll take a break after this assignment?”

Allen shifts on Cross's lap, moving so that he is lying on his side on the seat, so that his head is on the man's lap and his body is covered completely by the all too large jacket. Lavi is leaning hunched over the book he has been given to read, trying to ignore his need to watch Cross and Allen interact.

It happens when he has finally started to get interested in what he is reading, when he has stopped paying attention to those around him. The train starts to slow down and when it comes to a complete stop no one moves, not even Cross, who is supposed to leave.

“I didn't think you were going to leave him.” Bookman speaks in a calm and collected voice, one that tells Lavi he is observing everything and everyone.

“I can't, not with how he is right now, not until I speak with Komui…” Allen shifts on the seat, causing Cross to look down at him, to rub his back some, to show him that he is still there.

“Are you awake?” He speaks to Allen, silently telling Bookman that he is not going to say anything as of right now.

“Yes…” The boy's voice is soft and shakes some, creating an abnormal pain in Lavi's heart.

“We'll be getting off the train in a little while…”

“Where are we going?” Allen does not move, and it is strange to the younger redhead, to see his friend behaving so different…

“Home…” The word is foreign tasting on Cross's tongue, abnormal for him to think about, to say. In truth he has not had a home in several years, not a physical one to speak of that is. Allen sits up, becoming the center of attention without meaning to, he pulls the hood back, just a little, so that he can see the man clearly.

“Will…I like home?” Lavi stares at his friend, at the vines that are creeping up on his face.

“You should, everyone there likes you.” Cross says it even though it might not be true, says it to comfort the other, says it because he can't think of anything else to say. The boy leans towards him, against him.

Lavi frowns lightly as the general looks out the window, so as to not look at the person beside him.

“Master has said something before that I would like to ask about…can I?”

“You don't have to ask.” Allen looks down, seeming to take on the appearance of someone being scolded. Cross exhales, his eyes sweeping over Bookman and Lavi a moment. “Go on…”

“You knew me before I came to the Circus right?”

“Yes…we all did.” Cross gestures towards Lavi and Bookman who Allen only glances at. “You were their friend and my student…”

“Then…what…was I like…?”

The train is coming to a stop and Lavi feels nauseas, sick at the sight of how Allen acts, at how he leans into Cross, how he clings to the man. He hates what his friend has become but he hates the man he trusts even more, hates him because he swears that Cross wants to do something to his former student…

Bookman has stood and collected his luggage and is instructing Lavi to do the same, though he is already doing so. He wants to get off the train, wants to leave the small confined place as soon as possible.

Allen says something, speaks in a voice that is too soft for him to hear. He is staring up at Cross from beneath the hood, his lips slightly apart. Lavi does not understand why everything the boy does now is strangely provocative…

“…master…?” Bookman opens the compartment door and the younger redhead is vaguely aware of being told to hurry up, of seeing Timcanpy flutter about.

He turns and leaves the room before he does something strange and not like himself…

…before he pulls Allen away from Cross and tells the man no…

The air outside is cold and Lavi wants to hurry up and get back to the Order. He needs to talk to Komui, to someone… He wants to let his thoughts out, to empty his head a little, to remove the annoying buzz in his ears.

They have been walking along a path for quite some time, Bookman leading the way as Cross has not been to the place the Order has moved to. Allen is clinging to the man and Lavi cannot help but stare. He understands though, understand that the boy is barefoot and for him to walk would be bad.

He does not understand why Allen cannot wear a pair of his shoes though…

A strong gust of wind whips past them causing Lavi to glance up at the sky, at the clouds that are moving towards them. Bookman says something, his voice drowned out by another gust of wind. It doesn't matter though because he knows what he is saying.

A blizzard is moving in on them and they need to hurry…

Allen is clinging to Cross, shivering beneath the jacket he is wearing.

He can feel eyes on him, can feel the younger redhead staring at them. He is unsure of what to make of him, unsure of how he should feel. A part of him is scared, terrified at the thought of being hugged, touched again…

But…

There's apart of him that tells him he should trust him…

Allen closes his eyes, his body aching and his legs freezing. He is starting to feel dizzy and his back is starting to hurt, his wings are starting to ache. A blast of wind hits him suddenly and he is vaguely aware of the stinging sensation on his skin.

“…master…” The boy's voice cracks some, causing Cross to stop walking.

“Something the matter?” Lavi and Bookman stop walking as well, watching the two for a moment.

“It…it hurts again…” Cross can feel the hands tighten against him, bawling into small fists. He frowns at the statement, knowing that the sun will be rising soon. He turns to Lavi and Bookman, who have moved closer for the moment.

“How far till we get there?”

“We're almost there now…” Lavi is the one to reply, the one to receive a glare that tells him his response was rather dim.

“How far?” It is more of a demand then a question.

“Twenty minutes,” Bookman replies, glaring at his student, mentally reminding himself to scold him later.

Komui is sitting in his office, thinking about making himself a cup of coffee when there is a knock on his door. A scientist slips into the room, a new one that has been sent over from the Asian branch, one that he has yet to remember the name of.

“There's a group of people headed to the front gate, one of them is a general…” The Asian man stares at the small scientist, blinks a couple of times before looking over at the clock. He is amazed that it is almost six AM, that he has spent the whole night awake…

“Are you sure there's a general? And not just two exorcists…” When the man nods Komui stands abruptly, shocked and surprised…

…and scared…

Scared because Allen's condition is so bad that Cross is willingly returning to the Order…

The air inside the Order is still and silent…and strangely familiar to Allen…

He is still being held up by Cross, still in the man's arms, though he is wanting to stand and glance around, to look at the place that is home for him. He can see the stone floor clearly, can see that the walls are large and that the ceiling is high, but he wants to see it clearly, with out the hood on.

“Master…” His voice is soft and for a moment he is amazed at how it seems to echo off the walls. Cross stops walking for a moment, sets Maria's Grave down.

“Do you still hurt?”

“Can I stand now?” Allen does not answer the man's question, does not want to let him know that he is starting to feel a little dizzy. For a moment he is not given a response and he thinks that he has done something wrong, has said something to make Cross mad.

“I-I'm sorry…” The boy quickly tries to apologize but as he does so he realizes that he is being set down. He stares up at the man a moment, looks directly into his face before realizing he is doing so.

Allen flushes and looks away, remembering suddenly that he is to not look directly at those he is to please.

“May I look around the hall for a moment?” Lavi frowns at how timid the boy sounds. He looks away, towards Bookman before turning his attention towards the window.

“For a minute…” Cross cannot help but be kind, cannot help but give into the others request…because…

…he knows that this might be the only time he can do such a thing without being watched…

Allen reaches up and pulls the hood back a little, so that he can see properly. The moment he does so he see the torches that light the hall, see the doors lined along the wall…

…and he feels sick at the sight of it…

They look familiar, too familiar and he hates it, hates it because it looks like the Circus. He looks away, a strange pain forming in his back, in the pit of his stomach. It is now that Lavi hears it, that Cross looks up and Bookman looks down the hall. The hurried footsteps of someone running towards them, hurrying as fast as possible.

Allen moves his hand up to his mouth, feeling nauseas thinking about how similar the hall looks. He is trying to clear his mind, trying to think of something other then the pain he is starting to feel on his back, the pain in his arm and on his feet. He reaches out blindly for Cross, staring at the stone floor as his breathing starts to increase.

The footsteps are getting close and Lavi feels like something bad is going to happen.

It is in the second that Allen reaches out for Cross that Linalee comes running around the corner, comes running at them. She is still dressed in her sleeping clothes, looking as if she has just climbed out of bed. Lavi's eyes widen as he looks at her then at Allen, at the boy cloaked in Cross's exorcist jacket.

“Linalee…” He tries to tell her not to touch him, tries to tell her not to hug him or get too close…

…but it is too late…

Allen is still staring at the floor when it happens, is still dizzy and nauseas when he feels the female grab him and pull him into a hug. It is in that moment that his body goes rigid…

…and then he screams…

Screams because he is reminded of Ivonne, of the Circus Master, of the pain that they can put him in. Allen shoves Linalee back, shoves her with enough force to knock her to the floor. He stumbles back trembling and his body hurting even more.

He feels like he has done something wrong, feels like the Circus Master is going to come running down the hall any second.

“Allen,” Cross reaches over and grabs the boy, gives him a small shake to try and bring him to his senses… Except he yanks himself free, pulls back and steps on the hem of the jacket, affectively tripping himself.

“I'm sorry!” Allen gasps from the floor, pulling his body up into a ball, trying to look as small as possible. “Please don't let her hurt me!” He is crying and his words are chocked, displaying his sudden fear all to well to those around him.

Though they don't know who he means by her…

Komui is walking down the hall when he hears it, when the scream comes through the hall, echoing off the walls, startling those that are awake. He pauses in his steps, suddenly terrified of why someone would scream like that…

…and then his thoughts turn to Allen…

He hurries his steps and runs through the Order, runs towards the entrance…

He can see Cross trying to pick a mass up from the floor, can see his arguing with the person. He can see Lavi and Bookman standing off to the side…and he can see his sister sitting on the floor crying silently…

Komui hurries over as Cross manages to pull Allen to his feet.

“Linalee won't hurt you!” The man sounds aggravated and tired, exhausted from the lack of sleep and from Allen…

“Don't let her hurt me!” The boy is repeating the sentence over and over again, is pulling against Cross. He is panicked and it is clear that something is wrong. The general gives the boy another small shake, loosing his patience with him.

“She's not going to hurt-” The man's sentence dies in his throat as he sees something that Komui cannot. Lavi turns around, glances at the finders and other members of the Order that are gathering around them. He spots Komui and turns to walk towards him.

“Allen…” Cross repeats name softly, low enough so that those near by cannot hear.

“Mas…ter…” The boy's breathing has increased and his face is flushed from his tears, though that is not what is suddenly worrying the man. It is the fact that the small vines that are creeping up his face are starting to retreat, it is that there is a sudden amount of pain in his eyes.

Cross stands up straight and looks over at Lavi and Komui.

“We have to get to your office.” The statement takes the two of them by surprise, mainly because Allen has fallen silent and is being scooped up by Cross.

“Th-this way then…” Komui glances at Lavi then at Bookman, he has told the younger red head to comfort his sister, has told him that he can tell her about Allen, but not about the Circus.

Linalee is still sitting on the floor, is still crying silently when Lavi leans down next to her. He moves to touch her should, to try and comfort her, except she pulls away, and glares at him through her tears.

“Why did he do that!” She shouts, not caring that people are still watching, are still wondering what has happened. “Why did he act like that!?” She sounds angry, sounds hurt and Lavi doesn't know where to begin explaining.

“Linalee…I…”

“WHY!?” The female states to cry again, another wave of fresh tears falling down her cheeks. “I don't understand, he was supposed to be safe, he was going to be fine-”

“He doesn't remember,” Lavi interrupts the female standing after his sentence. “He doesn't remember anyone…” He turns and looks down at Linalee, offers her his hand to help her up.

“I'll tell you but I want to go see what is happening with him right now…”

“You can't leave me!” The female stands abruptly ignoring Lavi's gesture. “I want to know why he…he's so…different…” Her voice fades into something pained and it causes Lavi's chest to tighten. He looks away from her, at some of the Finders that are still hanging around.

“Linalee, I'm sorry…” The female stares at her friend as he runs off down the hall, towards her brother's office.

And he is uncertain of his real reasons for going

I want to know what all of you think of this chapter, not because I like reviews but because I'm uncertain of the quality in this one. As it's been pointed out, and I KNOW, but that last couple of chapters haven't been that great, or at least I think so… I'm uncertain of my works as I'm always trying to improve myself so please tell me what was good and bad… AND if you like my writing style please read my original work Beautiful Dirt (it's yaoi with out the graphic smex… u_u I made it for a contest…), it's on my DA account, or my “homepage” if you go to my profile… if you like it then tell me, as I'm planning on making more original works since I have a muse - double hearts- to her for giving me my Dir En Grey Poster :D

OH and my DA page has a pic I drew of Kanda in leather and Allen dressed in Decora-kei (an excuse to put him in short shorts XD) up next is: My home that never was

Au Revoir,

~Israfel~