Death Note Fan Fiction ❯ A Balm for Social Failure ❯ Caged, Bound and Broken ( Chapter 13 )

A Balm for Social Failure

(Chapter 13: Caged, Bound and Broken)
Light x L

L begins to suspect something is missing from his life. He believes the key to be in social interaction - his weak point. At the appearance of the enigma named Light Yagami, he is challenged to rise to the occasion.

Disclaimer: see ch. 1 for full disclaimer

A/N:   It is a SUPER long chapter this time. If I split it where I was going to, you all may have murdered me. (teh pr0n is dedicated to SarinMorphine. she knows why.)
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Chapter 13:


"Er... I'm not really sure how we should go about this," L said as he scritched his head.

"What's the problem?"

"Well, the chain doesn't..."

"You're lucky they gave you 5 feet instead of 4, or else going to the bathroom would be ridiculously unpleasant."

"Yes, I am quite grateful for that," L said grudgingly, "but that still doesn't..."

"Look, Ryuuzaki. I want a shower. I always take a shower before I sleep. It's nothing you haven't seen before, so either uncuff me and wait outside or stop making a big deal out of this."

"What, I don't get a third option?" L said sarcastically. He knew he couldn't leave Light uncuffed at any time, mostly because it would debunk the validity of the whole thing. But he might have problems if Light upheld any of his previous manners of undressing.

Light crossed his arms over his chest and lounged against the wall. "Well, I'd propose we shower together, but somehow I didn't think you'd go for that."

"Of course not."

"Because you're scared," Light added with amusement. The alcohol had put him in a playful mood and he was enjoying tormenting L. 

"I am not," L said with annoyance.

"But you aren't scared because you think I'm Kira," Light said, moving to stand before him. "You're just scared of what you want me to do to you."

L looked up from his seat on the toilet lid with a blank face and rolled his eyes. "God. Conceited much?"

Light pushed a leg between L's thighs and hovered over him. "Is it conceited if we know that it's true?" L's eyes flickered, but he was shielding well.

"Your arrogance knows no bounds," L scoffed.

"If you are so unaffected, why should it matter if you remain here while I bathe?"

"It isn't proper," L said too quickly.

"Yet it's ok to watch if there is a screen and distance between us? I know you were watching me without reserve on the cameras."

The slightest color stained L's cheeks. "It was my job," he said predictably.

"Then isn't it your job to watch me now, instead of offering up all these weak excuses?"

"What are you getting at?" L said with impatience. "Surely you have a point."

Light sank down until they were eye to eye, their faces inches apart. "I'm saying that your reluctance isn't about not trusting me, it's that you don't trust yourself."

"Your ego also knows no bounds," L responded drolly, but there was something in his eyes he wasn't quite able to mask.

"Hmm? Then I guess you can't protest this since you're so impenetrable," Light leaned into L and laid the words across his lips. The detective's lids fluttered and lowered. Light kissed his soft lips gently, taking a slow taste of his mouth and watching his expression as he did so. The leisurely pace was torturing him almost as much as it was affecting L. Kisses like these were hard to do, they required so much restraint, but they were so good when done right. 

"Stop," the dark-haired boy said in a roughed voice, "this isn't going anywhere."

"It will if you let it."

L looked uncertain. He was wavering. "I-"

A series of raps sounded against the door, making them both jump. "Sir, are you alright in there? It's been a while and I have not heard the water..."

"All is well, Watari, thank you." L pushed Light back. He got up and went to the door, opening it. "We were merely caught up in logistics. Do you have the key? There is no way to work a shirt off without removing one."

"Of course, sir." Watari wandered off to retrieve the hidden key.

"Are you really that worried I'll try to kill you, take the key and make my escape?" Light asked, affecting a wounded tone.

"Should I be?" L challenged.

Light scoffed and didn't bother with a formal reply. As if he'd want to run from the law forever. Besides that, this situation afforded him an opportunity to get something he wanted, and he wouldn't waste it in such a stupid fashion.

Watari returned, and unlatched Light's cuff so he could remove his - well actually it wasn't his, he wasn't quite sure where the black long sleeved shirt had come from. He cast a surreptitious glance at L and confirmed that the dark eyes were on him. Excellent. "Watari, you may as well do Ryuuzaki's, he will be showering after me."

Watari looked at L. L shrugged and held out his wrist. Once free, he fought his way out of his white shirt and held his arm out again to be recuffed. He looked markedly uncomfortable about the partial nudity. "Thank you Watari. We'll try and work out a better system after tonight."

"Will you be needing me again, or...?"

"For the sake of saving you this tedium, no. I think we can forgo shirts for the remainder of the evening. If that is all right with you, Light -kun?"

"I'll manage."

"Goodnight then, sirs."

"Good night, Watari."

---

Back in the bathroom, L fixed Light with a suspicious look. "What are you planning? You've been looking shifty for a while now."

The brunette smiled innocently. "How harsh, Ryuuzaki. Must you always be so suspicious of me?"

"I never said I was taking a shower after you."

"Hmn, but you did not contradict me, either."

L crossed his arms over his chest. He really did not enjoy feeling so exposed. It was only a shirt, but he was used to wearing them when around others. Light seemed to suffer no such qualms, however. Typical. "It didn't seem worth the trouble."

"Oh well, that's good," Light said as he started the shower running.

L found himself staring at the long lines of Light's back as he bent to his task. He frowned. He was putting up a good front, but Light's effect on him was no less than usual. "And why is that?" he asked distractedly as Light began to remove his pants. It was much more... scandalous to watch someone undress right before your eyes than through a grey surveillance camera.

"Because it would have been quite unfortunate for you to have to sleep in a wet shirt." Light stood suddenly and jerked the chain, forcing L to stumble forward. Hand over confident hand, he began reeling it in.

L planted his feet, his heart missing several beats in surprise "Oh, no, you're not." It was a game, surely. Another test. For Light seemed to delight in throwing him curves and watching him flounder. But the look in those amber eyes... they were bled of true amusement, they were filled with... anticipation?

"I have superior upper-body strength," Light reminded him with a self-satisfied look as L's feet slid forward. "As was evidenced earlier."

L swallowed. Earlier. Kissing. Contact. Loss of brain functionality, and a complete abandonment of sense. L's heart was racing faster and faster with every inch of lost ground. The bottoms of his jeans were half curled under his feet, and they were making it hard for him to get any traction. He couldn't quite look away from the burning gold of the other boy's eyes even though they were speeding his loss.

"I'm not used to fighting out of a tipped-over chair - you had an advantage," L said through gritted teeth, trying to resist insanity, trying to concentrate on the harsh bite of the chain wound around his palm. Light's face was becoming harder and harder to look away from, and his smile was hiking up notch by notch into a serious smirk. His eyes were hooded and focused. If intensity alone could strip clothes from one's body, L had no doubt that right now he'd be naked as the day he was born. As naked as Light was, actually.

Wait, no, don't LOOK! He snapped his eyes back to a safer location, but it was too late. He was flushing and he was caught. And here he'd thought Light couldn't look any more smug.

"Go on," Light said engagingly, "try and deny that."

"Do you work out, Light-kun?" L tried for deflection. Three feet. Two. "You are amazingly fit for an intellectual."

"I could say the same about you. Although you are not as strong as I am, and your body has it's work cut out for it with all the sweets you pummel it with."

Body... Pummel... Oh, my brain is failing me. L gave up and closed the last few inches of his own accord, surging forward into Light's lips as repressed desire overtook his last shreds of cold logic.

Light's mouth was hot against his own and not lacking for passion.

Graceful fingers twisted in his hair as Light pulled him closer, their bodies brushing heavily as momentum carried them into the shower and against the tiled wall. Light made a small noise as his back touched the cold ceramic surface - and it shot through L like molten fire. Light, ever the aggressor, was caught in a less than advantageous position, forced to endure both the the discomfort of the chill at his back, and the more or less dominant role L was in as the initiator.

However, the tenseness that remained, the crackle of electricity, told L that everything was temporary.

Submissiveness was merely a handy shroud to veil Light's true movements, leading L deeper into this until he couldn't escape.

Obvious, and yet, the feel of flesh against flesh, and the sound of half-swallowed gasps were more insidious than any drug. L couldn't even quantify his surroundings; they were falling back and all he could see was Light's eyes glowing at him from beneath lowered lids and sweeping bangs. All he could feel was the smirk against his lips and the long line of body he just couldn't get close enough to.

He hardly noticed the water raining down on them. He only became aware of it as the mist began to dampen his hair and weigh it down into wet jags that brushed his shoulders.

Light's arms wound around his waist, making him shiver as they pulled him even closer, and the pressure building between them was obvious in more than just their shortened breaths.

"You- have something for- bathrooms, Ryuuzaki?"

"Shut up. You- started it. Both times."

L shuddered as Light's hands brushed the skin above his jeans and caressed the slight protrusion of his hipbones.

"You're- overdressed, Ryuu," Light said against his ear in a rough voice. L's eyes closed as the sound of that voice slid through him and coiled tightly in his belly. His head tipped down he traced its rippling effects, tingling down each limb, tweaking synapses and racing on until they expired. What they left in their wake was indescribable, the most he could say is that it left him craving more. More frequency, more intensity. More of this feeling of being wrapped up and protected.

Light's shoulder and neck were warm against his cheek and smelled better than anything.The scent alone was dragging him deeper into the mindless cloud of euphoria that was currently hazing over his perceptions. He could almost taste it on his tongue. Wanted to. He turned his face into the arch of Light's neck, opened his mouth to it. He sucked on the exquisite flesh like it were a piece of candy resting on his tongue, harder, harder until Light's body shuddered against his, hands clenching convulsively at his back, and a hitched breath graced his ears.

A hand sliding over the curve of his bare backside alerted him to Light's rather industrious removal of his remaining garments.

"Kiss me," Light said demandingly, dragging L's mouth back to his. "Touch me." The brunette's hands skimmed down his back, across his hips and down to grasp his hardening flesh. L gasped at the electric feel of it, digging his fingers into Light where they lay. However foggy his mind may have been before, it was now doubly so and now he was almost painfully aware of the precipice they were lingering on.

L's hands spasmed and moved shakily lower, seeking Light's desire. Well, this was a fine time to feel anxious. But somehow it was more difficult to be the one to act as opposed to being acted upon. Light was watching him unabashedly, submissive only in that he wasn't actively directing this encounter, though he certainly had it well orchestrated.

L was being put through his paces. For every step Light was ceding, he was paving the course which L would take. He was providing this reversal of his own accord, forcing L to take action, and refusing to let him back down.

L's face burned as his fingers brushed the other boy's arousal. Light had to know that his inexperience made this difficult for him. Shame crept up to redden his face further as he battled a fit of shyness, and the anxiety that he was going to be sub-par with any of this. He hid his face, sure in the knowledge that, red as a beet, he looked atrocious. Tentatively, he stroked heated flesh, quailing with embarrassment. His hands were still shaking and he couldn't make them stop. It didn't help that he was recalling some of his more recent fantasies which were much harder to act out in reality.

"Red is a good color for you, Ryuuzaki," Light said, breaking into his thoughts.

L froze, startled.

Light captured his chin and tilted his head up until their gazes met. "I never imagined I would ever get to see you make faces like that."

L averted his eyes. Light was teasing, not meanly, but... it was kind of hard to meet someone's eyes when you were holding their -

"Nghh," L moaned as Light reminded him with clever movements of his hand that he was holding L as well.

"I never would have expected you to be so shy, Ryuuzaki," Light said huskily. "You make me want to take advantage of you."

L flushed as Light touched him. This was as bad as last time; Light's hands were mastering undoing him with pitiful ease. "You've already taken advantage of me, if you'll recall." L's voice came out rather breathy for what he was intending.

"No," Light said, reversing their positions suddenly and pushing L up against the tiled wall. "As I recall, I have yet to take full advantage of you."

L's eyes widened. How did he say stuff like that? He was so forward...

"I was being considerate of you last time," Light said, nuzzling his cheek. "I know you want it... and I wanted to force you to it. But you can be so difficult when you feel you've been compromised."

L's traitorous body was reacting so strongly to the drivel Light was spewing in honey-coated sweetness that it was just wrong. So wrong. Because what Light was saying was annoying him, too.

"Go on and fight me," Light said with veiled excitement, his eyes flashing gold. "I won't hold back."

Annoyed or no, having Light so close was overwhelming. Having him say such scandalous things... "What are you -" Distance. He needed some distance. And possibly also to have his head examined. Nothing in their dynamic had changed. Light still appeared to be mass murdering superstar Kira. Light still seemed to be able to bend people to his will with little effort. Light was still fostering this gnawing desire in him that may well be the cause of his swan song. He shouldn't be letting this happen.

"It turned me on when you were fighting me with such determination that night-" Light murmured in his ear as he began touching him again. "-and fighting yourself even more." L gasped at Light's words as they tangled with the pleasure of his hands. Why was he so good at this? Who had he been practicing on??  "I wanted to take you while denial was still riding you so hard. I have amazing self-control, do I not?"

L moaned as his control began seriously slipping.

"Touch me..." Light spoke in a hot whisper, "or I'll lay you out on the floor and drive into you until your eyes roll back."

Desire flared so intensely in L's belly, it was all he could do not to cry out.

"Unless that is what you truly wish of me?" Light said graciously, feathering L's cheek with a mockingly gentle kiss. "Deep down, beneath all your deceptions." Lips were like silk against his skin. Exquisite. Apologetic. Damning. "I'll dig inside of you to discover all it is that you really want, even if you are unaware of it yourself."

L's hand moved down Light's hip and lower still until his fingers slid around flesh that was so hard it didn't even seem real. He had to stop the flow of words. He had to stop Light from unraveling him. Light was already within him, digging up the edges of his being, challenging his sense of self, making him question his own motives and his logic. The brunette had already forced him from his set patterns and altered the way he thought, the way he acted.

"Mmm... Ryuu... zaki..." Light breathed in his ear. "Why must I desire you so badly?"

L mutely shook his head. He was sinking. Drowning.

Light's lips brushed his, requesting. It was a farce, a cordiality. Light never asked for anything he didn't think would be given freely, or could be taken by force.  L  pressed his lips together and averted his head. Testing. He couldn't help it. There was precious little he could do to rebuild his profile of the other boy, to determine his natural behaviors and  thought processes. He needed anything he could get or he'd never figure out the true intent Light had for pursuing him like this.

As expected, one of Light's hands came up to pull his face back around, and offer it up to the forceful crush of lips and a soul devouring kiss.

L's knees started to buckle and his body tightened. Light swallowed the deep moan trying to free itself from his throat.

Hurtling. He felt like he was falling as the ache in his lower body intensified.

Unexpectedly, he felt Light stiffen against him and begin to shudder. Even the smallest of movements from his hand were echoed in the brunette, and his quiet gasps jolted through L with such intensity that he could no longer keep a hold of himself. He bit his lip as his pleasure crested. Light's hand on him was shaky as orgasm gripped him in its throes. He's that affected? L wondered before his mind went blank.

L's eyes blinked open several minutes later and he found himself fighting streams of water as it fell from above and cascaded over his face. He squinted carefully and assessed his current position. He and Light had slumped to the floor of the shower in a tangle of limbs, and the shower that had been running all this time was becoming rather frigid. He found he didn't quite care enough to move yet. He felt tranquil, considering. Perhaps this was where the term post-coital bliss came from? This feeling of inner peace... Although it could just be the absence of ungodly sexual tension finally expelling itself.

L glanced down at Light who lay against him limply, and marveled at the beauty of his calm, relaxed features. His eyes were closed - his lashes casting dark crescents upon his smooth skin. He looked so young when he wasn't leering or glaring or plotting or being arrogant. L reached out and brushed a section of longer bangs off of his cheek. Like this, it was hard to think that Light could possibly be the type of person who could condemn anyone to death. It was exceedingly difficult to think that he could be Kira. Ruthless. Judgmental. Hypocritical.

"I sincerely hope you are not analyzing me," Light murmured without moving or lifting his head.

"Would I do that?" L responded just as quietly. It felt that Light also did not wish to break the air of repose that had formed around and between them.

"A dozen times over."

"Mm."

"Is it just me, or is this water getting unreasonably cold?"

"Just you."

Light finally cracked his eyes open. Free of malice and manipulation, they were just incredibly warm. Like honey in sunlight. They regarded him a moment, searching his face. "Ryuuzaki... I -" he stopped.

L knew better than to prompt him. They stared at each other a long moment before Light looked away. "It's nothing," he said and began extricating himself from L.

As Light stood, L noticed that the bound sensation he had been feeling chafing at his lower legs was actually a set of manacles made of the twisted wet denim of his thoroughly soaked jeans. He muttered under his breath. He'd completely forgotten he'd never taken them off. Earlier, Light had just unfastened them, and gotten them out of the way. This might be a difficult thing to explain to Watari. He began peeling the denim off from around his ankles.

"Just tell him the shower leaked. That is reasonable enough."

L looked up and took the hand Light offered him, pulling him to his feet. "It's suspicious any way you look at it. Especially with however long we've been in here, which ought to have been a while if we've dispensed of the hotel's hot water. EEah!" Light had taken that moment to push L fully under the cold spray. He started shivering immediately. He glared at Light, feeling betrayed. "T-That isn't v-very nice of you, L-Light-kun," he chattered.

"Shh. We still need to bathe, and it will only get colder if we wait." Light handed L the bottle of shampoo.

L pouted, and dispensed a liberal amount of it straight onto his water slicked head with a sigh. Light was right. The already cool water had dropped several degrees already. He did not relish the thought of having ice water running over his body, so he scrubbed his hair vigorously and as quickly as possible. He was going through the process of washing all of the shampoo out, which took a long time as his hair seemed to retain suds almost as well as it defied gravity, when he felt soapy hands coast over his skin. He jumped and almost got an eyeful of burning torment but clenched his eyes shut before the water could pour into them. "W-What are you doing?" Damn shampoo. He hated not being able to see.

"I'm washing you, obviously."

L stared at the blackness behind his lids. "Yes, I can see that, but why-" He was caught off guard by a quick press of lips against his.

"Must you always question everything?" Soapy hands resumed their gentle work.

"I believe that is my nature..." L wasn't inclined to argue too adamantly. It felt soothing, and while it was somehow not overtly sexual, it seemed incredibly intimate.

"I'm just helping us finish faster," Light said quietly. L could not see his face, so the nuances of his voice were all he had to go on, but Light sounded... subdued? "With how long you take on your hair alone, I figured you needed the extra help."

By the time L was soap free and he could see, Light had perfected a pleasantly bland expression that was most assuredly a mask. The brunette calmly rinsed the soap off his skin as he finished working the shampoo through his hair, and if the icy water bothered him, he gave no indication.

It was when he reached for the conditioner that L could no longer remain silent. He grabbed Light's wrist and stayed his hand. "Light, is that really necessary? You'll freeze if you stay under there much longer."

"Yes," he said as if it were a stupid question, "it is." He pulled his arm free and squeezed some of it into his hand. "You could stand to use some yourself every once in a while." He smoothed it into his damp hair.

"Hair products do nothing for me."

Light frowned at him. "See, that is just the sort of attitude I cannot comprehend. I mean, do you even try anything before assuming it doesn't work?"

L frowned back. "Typically, yes. I just don't have time for this sort of thing."

"I doubt the loss of two minutes per day would really set you back all that much."

"There is also the purchasing of such things, and the resources I would have to allocate to actually remembering to use them-" L broke off as conditioner-smeared hand snaked out and accosted his head. L sighed in defeat and grabbed for the bottle of conditioner. At least he'd put it on evenly. Who knows how his hair would react otherwise? "You are adamant about the strangest things."

Light smiled a little. "I don't need to hear that from someone who swears muffins, cookies and heavily sugared tea are part of a balanced meal."

"Muffins and cookies are perfectly healthy if you look at the ingredients that-"

"Please. You know well enough that it it is the sum of the parts and not the parts themselves that determine the quality of something. When combined, they chemically alter and you are not left with anything you began with. That is a 5 year old's argument."

"Funny, it works on a s-surprising number of p-people." Goddamn it was cold. "Are y-you done with the w-water y-yet?" He wanted to get dry and warm as soon as possible.

Light made way for him and by now the water was almost unbearably cold. L winced and tried not to cringe as the icy spray ran in life-stealing rivulets down his neck, back, and legs. His skin broke out in goosebumps and his shivering intensified. He rinsed the conditioner out about as much as he could stand then jumped out from under it, sidling around the spray in order to turn off the faucet.

L darted for a towel and started rubbing the water off of himself vigorously. That done, he wrapped the towel around his waist and grabbed another to wrap around his shaking shoulders. He hated being cold.

Light followed suit at a leisurely pace, choosing to dry his hair with the second towel. He looked at L and shook his head, moving over to drop his slightly damp towel on L's dripping hair. "You look pitiful," he said, not unkindly, taking the towel in both hands and rubbing at L's head to dry it.

"I'm n-not good with c-cold," L chattered. 

Light slowed his drying in order to look around. "Only four towels?" He made a sound of disapproval. "I thought this hotel was supposed to be high end?"

"S-Sorry, your h-highness."  Pitiful? And whose fault was that?

The brunette cuffed him lightly in the head. "You're always so cantankerous afterwards. We are going to have to work on that."

L fell silent as Light worked, pulling the towel more tightly about his shoulders to ward off the shivers. He's already thinking of future encounters? Was that a normal segue from 'you look pitiful'? But then, Light was no more 'normal' than he was.

Anticipated frequency of intimate situations... That debunked the one-time thing rationale. But it did not necessarily mean that Light wanted a real relationship. It could easily mean improved chance for Kira to get the jump on him, gain his trust, and then...

"Ryuuzaki."

"Yes?" L blinked.

"You are thinking at me so emphatically, I can feel it." Light tossed the water laden towel onto the counter. "Though it could also be that you are trying to stare a hole into my head, though I'm not sure what the purpose of that might be."

L opened his mouth to say honestly what was on his mind, but thought better of it. He was starting to learn the sorts of things he could and couldn't say around the other boy if he wanted things to remain amiable. In fact, he merely had to think about what he might say to Light, and his brain would supply a full enactment of Light's probable response, expressions and all. If he were to share his thoughts at this particular moment, it would end in Light flying off the handle because L didn't trust him...

"Never mind, don't tell me," Light interrupted. "Knowing you, it will be something exceedingly vexing, and I may be forced to throttle you."

"An apt assessment, L-Light-kun. I had j-just come t-to the same conclusion m-myself."

"It's nice to see we are on the same wavelength," Light muttered.

"Indeed."

"Oh well, at least it reduces the chances of bodily injury. Now, where can we find some clothing?"

---

L padded out of the bathroom, the shivering making his gait rather stilted. The chain clinked softly between them as they moved through the suite in the dark to the room L was using.

Clothes... he wasn't sure where Watari had found the black garments Light had arrived in, but he was sure Light would not care to revisit their like soon. The brunette would have to make do with L's borrowed clothes once more, but at least this time he didn't have to explain it to his father.

L went to the dresser and opened a few drawers until he found the one containing shirts, shorts, and pants suitable for sleeping attire. He more often than not slept in his day clothes, as it seemed pointless to change for a mere few hours of unconsciousness, but Watari kept such things available for him just in case. "Light-kun, we will have to forgo shirts due to the chain, but would you prefer shorts or pants...?"

"Light," Light said tiredly. "And do you not have something simple, like a pair of boxers for me to borrow?"

"Ahh..." L turned back to the dresser and began digging. After several minutes resurfaced with a pair of dark grey silk boxers. "Would these do?"

Light raised an eyebrow. "Should I even ask?"

L considered. "Probably not."

"Where did you come by those? Something tells me they aren't your usual."

"Most of the things I use are already in the closet. Watari keeps this other stuff around just in case."

Light crossed his arms over his chest. "I didn't know you and your elderly assistant had that sort of relationship."

L shuddered as he caught the implication. "No, they are not from Watari, though they were a gift. Now take them so I can get dressed. I'm still freezing."

Light took them but made no move to don them. L pulled a pair of plaid flannel pants from one of the drawers and put them on. He tossed the towels in a heap on the floor.

"From whom?"

L looked up. "From whom what?"

Light waved the silk shorts under L's nose.

"Oh. I thought I said you shouldn't ask?"

Light's eyes narrowed. L could feel the imperiousness gathering about him like a storm.

In favor of peace, L relented. "I've worked on cases with a lot of people. I seem to pick up fans from time to time."

"But they never see your face -"

L shrugged. "I'm told I have a sexy voice. I think they just don't get out much. Though it certainly makes working with them a bit awkward."

"Have you ever taken any of them up on anything?"

L paused. Perhaps now would be an ideal time... "Why, Light, if I didn't know better, I'd say you were jealous." Fast as lightning, but visible nonetheless, L caught a reaction.

"Preposterous."

"Hm? And here I was convinced you were going to ask me if I'd ever worn those..."

Light's eye twitched, but the element of surprise was gone, so that was as much as L was likely to get for now. Strange. Light really did seem to harbor feelings of that sort - although if he did, he wore jealousy in the same way he wore murderous rage.

"I'm going to bed."

"What? It's still early."

"Compared to what?"

"Well, I usually go to sleep around 3 a.m."

Light sighed and shook his head. "I need 8 hours of sleep." He fixed L with a baleful look. "You really didn't think this through, did you?"

"Er... perhaps not this part of it, no."

Light pinched the bridge of his nose. "At the least, come to bed and you won't be cold anymore. That is worth something, is it not?"

L acquiesced and shuffled reluctantly to the bed. He climbed into place from the foot of the bed while Light folded back the heavy down comforter and the crisp white sheets and sat tucked against the headboard in his customary position. He bit at his thumb while he watched Light fuss with the bed. He was still cold.

"Ryuuzaki, when is the last time you slept in a bed?"

"Possibly a while."

"And sitting like you do doesn't count."

"In that case, I don't recall."

Light leaned over, pulling the sheets down, forcing L to move while he did so. "Get in."

L looked at the comfortable bed dubiously. It looked too comfortable. Maybe he wouldn't be able to sleep. Or what if he slept too well and never woke up again? It could happen. L glanced surreptitiously at the brunette. Light was losing patience.

L scuttled a little closer to the middle of the bed, and gingerly shimmied under the upheld bedclothes. How much sense did it make that sharing a bed with someone he just pretty much had sex with made him nervous? His head sunk into the pillow, but thankfully it stopped short of suffocating him. Feather pillows. Bah. It was a bit warmer though. Light reached out and clicked the lamp on the bedside table off.

The darkness made L instantly more jittery. Light settled back into the bed. It was weird to be sleeping shirtless also. He wasn't used to feeling things brush his bare skin.

"Warmer now, Ryuuzaki?"

"A little," he admitted. The shaking had stopped and his skin no longer felt like it was trying to shrivel back into his body. All in all, an improvement.

L froze as he felt a shifting, and a long leg was thrown over his. An arm wrapped around his waist and almost immediately the heat of Light's body pressed against his side began to warm him.

Too warm.

A jolt speared through him. Light's legs were largely bare and having one hiked between his thighs was distracting. From there it was only a thin layer of flannel and an almost laughably thin layer of silk that made this position any less than compromising.

"Uh - Light?"

"Hm?"

"I don't know that I can sleep like this." His was starting to race. Light's bare chest was against his, his arm draped causally across L's stomach, and his face was nearly tucked against L's neck. Desire and panic crawled along his limbs. He shivered.

"See, you're still cold. So am I." Light shifted against him, his leg moving higher and his face brushing L's neck as he settled. "Surely you can tolerate this until we're sure we won't catch cold, or something equally inconvenient?"

What strange power did Light hold over him that made his body confident it could handle two or more romps in quick succession? What happened to the euphoric serenity of dispelled sexual tension? What the hell right did it have to start coming back already?? "Ah..." What complaint could he give that wouldn't be utterly obvious? There didn't seem to be one. "Yes. It's fine."

Tension was becoming a steady hum within him. He did not believe Light's innocent act for even a second.

"So reluctant, Ryuuzaki." Light nuzzled the column of his throat. "If you're not careful, you may hurt my feelings."

Somehow, I doubt that. "That would never be my intent," L said stiffly. Ye gods, this almost solicitousness was torture. He wished Light would stop and sleep, since he'd claimed to need so much of it.  A fine tremor was working its way into him. Anything that happened here... would be much more than anything before.  He wasn't sure how he knew, but it was an undeniable gut instinct. He wasn't ready for anything more. He could barely adjust to what had transpired thus far, but to actually... actually...

L jumped as Light's arm slid across his torso, and lazy fingers trailed to pet the curve of his hip.

No, no, no. L didn't think he could be that close to anyone... So he thought, but the barest whimper slipped out as Light began nibbling languidly at his jaw. Even to his own ears, it sounded as if it could have been from upset or interest.

Light propped himself up on an elbow and gazed down at him. "You're shaking. Are you really that cold? Your skin feels warm..."

"I'm fine," L choked out.

"You don't seem fine."

"Please - I need some space."

"So it's that, is it?" Light sounded regretful, but he made no move from L's personal space. "You'll never get close to people if you don't move out of your comfort zone."

"Comfort zone?? I don't even know what one feels like any more!"

"Were you aware that you lash out when something makes you uncomfortable?"

L covered his face with his hand. He felt a burning and prickling in his eyes. This was too frustrating. Was he to never have any standing when around Light? Was he going to be calmly and coolly picked apart while he had a nervous breakdown? And now Light was noticing even rarely exhibited behavioral patterns? And being understanding? It was laughable.

Light pulled L's hand down from his face. "You'll scare people with a laugh like that," he said softly.

Everything about Light was so invasive. L had no shields. His emotions were getting worn raw. Any protections he had in place for self-preservation were casually brushed aside, or gently removed, just like this. Sex might just be his breaking point.

Light kissed him delicately on the lips and L felt the hot stripe of tears roll down his face. Didn't most people get to at least have a relationship before tackling the big issues? 

---

"Stop it," L  pleaded.

"Stop what?"  Light's voice was silky in the dark shadows of the room. Ambient light glimmered off of his eyes.

"You know what!" L said hoarsely. "I can't..."

L felt small kisses rain upon his face. Apologetic. But not apologetic for what was done so far, but for what would be done.

"You make me feel guilty when you're this upset..."

"Light, it's too much -" L tried to rally his brain, summon words, anything but laying here helplessly. Light's closeness fogged his thoughts until they weren't even recognizable as such. He wanted to buckle under the brunette's insistence but the stab of fear was too real to let him go peacefully. "You can't expect me to be ok with -"

A hand stroked his hair. "Shh," Light kissed him again, softly, as if he might break. It was somewhat comforting, yet made him want to flee at the same time. Light felt too focused for L to believe that he would be granted respite. The brunette was stalking and cornering him expertly. His self-doubt was clashing with his desperate need to be wanted and cared for. Light was playing to all his weaknesses. Was it out of genuine interest, or as a master tactician who was moving his pawns into a more pleasing and beneficial arrangement? Light or Kira? Or was it KiraLight? He'd already allowed the brunette to push this too far.

L decided to make a break for it. He twisted his body up and to the side, exerting the proper amount of torque to lever himself out from beneath the other boy. He felt long limbs slide away from his as he scrambled to the side of the bed. He had nearly gained the edge when the chain pulled back so sharply it nearly wrenched his arm from its socket.

On his back, with pain radiating through his shoulder, L found himself being pinned to the mattress. Light's hands were tight upon his wrists.

"You do realize there is nowhere you can go?"

"Hindsight is 20/20," L gasped out. His shoulder was on fire. If not dislocated, it was doing a fair impression of it. This whole handcuff thing was a horrible idea.

Light leaned down until L could feel breath on his lips, and the tightness of the lean, muscled thighs that bracketed him. "I feel you react to me. Why are you so against it?"

L tested the strength of Light's grip and found it unyielding."I don't trust you. I am not certain of your motives. And if I remember correctly, you have a girlfriend. Let me up." L tried to sound pissy. His self-control was wavering and it was scaring him.

"I told you that you can trust me. More than anyone."

"And if I don't, will you rip both my arms off?"

Light made a dismissive noise. "That was your own fault."

"Like hell it wa- mff!" Once again, the brunette took advantage of a minor opening. It was a harsh kiss - full of anger and frustration. And the slick, sinuous feeling of lust. L's heart seized. Was it always to be this way? They'd break each other apart trying to force things to go the way they each wished.

L pushed against Light, then pulled away in an attempt to free himself, but he was held mercilessly, force-fed desire through such rough channels until it was beating inside him like a second heartbeat.

When Light moved to lay flush against him, he cursed himself as his body shuddered and his hips canted upward.

L panted against the wild scrabbling in his chest. Even if he wanted it, this was going to end so badly. His mixed feelings were swirling sickly in his stomach.

"Please, Ryuuzaki," Light coaxed, his voice deep with desire. L's pants were being tugged down incrementally. "You're all I think about anymore. I'm sorry I hurt you. It wasn't intentional...."

The flow of words was swirling around L's head, making him complacent. When had Light gotten a hand free to work his clothes down? His belly tightened with a frisson of anticipatory pleasure as the flannel slid lower on his hips. "Girlfriend?" he managed to get out.  Oh god,  he wasn't going to be able to stop it this time.  Light's skin was burning against his, and the brunette's hands had lost their calm self-possession as they fought to strip him bare.

"Misa is nothing," Light said, panting softly. "She was never anything more than a cover to get my father off my back." His lips latched to the side of L's neck as their now naked desire pressed between them with unbearable heat and urgency. Light groaned against L's neck, and the sound reverberated through the dark-haired detective like lightning.

"And how- am I to believe- I am any different?" Amazingly enough, he was still able to get words out. Barely. If nothing else, he was impressed with himself for that.

"You just are. You're nothing like them."

L shuddered violently as a lubricated hand grasped his arousal. "What- is that?"  Tight, slick pressure slid around his aching flesh and it was nearly enough to render him incoherent. His back arched and his fists clenched in the starched sheets.

"Lotion," Light breathed. "Stop - trying to talk.... your voice really is sexy like that..." He bit L's ear, making him cry out.

"Where did you-"

"The bathroom counter."

Ah yes, how conveniently small and unobtrusive the hotel's provided grooming products were... "You planned this..." L's eyes clamped shut as he felt the sudden pressure of Light's other hand at his entrance. It was hard not to freak out just a little. Theory and practice were quite different things indeed.

L's breathing grew rougher as he tried to deal with the foreign and discomfiting feel of fingers stretching him. His mind was filtering back to him as he struggled against it. It was starting to ask him what in the hell he thought he was doing. What he was about to let happen.

"Ryuuzaki, you always get so far from me. Why is it I cannot do the same?"

That was the first real regret L had heard him voice. But lurking within it was also a sharp thread of something... anger? Self-deprecation?

"Even now, I feel you drifting. It makes me want to..." Light broke off his sentence with a frustrated growl.

L jumped as Light withdrew his fingers and hiked his hips into the air. The brunette pushed inside him with little warning, smashing through his flash of fear/shyness/anxiety/distrust, making him bite into his lip to stifle the cry that was wrenched from deep within his throat.

It hurt, and yet the unabashed intimacy of it was as sensual as it was wildly embarrassing. To feel your body struggle to accommodate someone else's.... To be pinned down and locked in, struggling against your panic and  timidity while someone got as close and deep inside of you that they could... and there was not even an inch of space in which to turn away.  There was no place to hide.  Nowhere... and those golden eyes were on him,  peeling him open.

"You make me want to brutalize you," Light said thickly as he rocked into him. "I want to get past your calm facade. I want to hear you scream."

It was almost too much to take. He was being ripped open at the core, and yet fingers of pleasure were stabbing deep inside of him. L threw an arm up over his face. Something, anything to shield himself. To hide whatever expression it was that Light was watching so intently. His other hand twisted a handful of sheet between desperate fingers. He was falling apart to Light's rhythm, Light's harsh breaths.

"Even still, you hide from me." Light pulled L's arm aside. "Let me see you... taste you..." Hasty lips found his and the sometimes pain he felt in his chest flared excruciatingly. He was pinioned between desire and despair and the agonizing thread of misguided hope.

L's body began shaking in the prelude of impending release as Light folded over him, his bangs damp against L's cheek.

The brunette varied the movement of his hips to include longer, slower strokes as his rhythm started to falter, making L anticipate the motions with involuntary upward thrusts against him. L suspected that his face was glowing red, but the pleasure he felt at the wickedly deeper penetration his contribution enabled made it easier to become blind to the shame that lapped at the fringes of his consciousness at his wanton behavior. Light was slipping so far into him that it felt like it was his very soul that was being brushed. His head fell back under the onslaught, Light's raw, passionate gasps in his ear driving him into meltdown. His spine bowed and his fingers grasped wildly until they found the anchor of flesh to dig into.

Light stifled what may have been the most erotic noise L had ever heard and fell shuddering on top of him.

To say that he saw the inside of oblivion in those moments would have been perhaps too poetic, but entirely accurate. L's mind ceased every living function and there was nothing but the blinding burst of light and the fading after-image that kept him company in the absence of everything he had ever known. For the first time ever, the whirring of his mind was stilled.

It was not a stretch to wonder if this was what death felt like.

Darkness.

Peace.

And the euphoric feeling - much like that first gasp of air when you have held your breath far too long. A cool balm to the burning, and a subdued yet strong pervasion of exhilaration.

Mind-altering.

Life-altering.

It was all of this.... Which made the flooding back to reality all the more fragile, for fear of the inevitable shattering of those precious thoughts and feelings.

Light lay draped over him, his breathing becoming deep and even. He had not moved from where he fell, except to turn his face into the pillow in the corner between L's shoulder and neck. Which meant he was still...

L assessed his sore body and flushed as he confirmed that the brunette was still seated inside of him. That wasn't typical, was it? Surely once the event had taken place you would withdraw, separate, and try to pretend that such scandalous things had never occurred? For what purpose would you stay like this? And above all, why would Light? L sought Light's face with wary eyes.

Light's amber gaze was already on him, watching him from beneath heavy lids. His expression was unreadable, though he did look both sated and fondly annoyed. "I want to stay like this," he answered L's unvoiced quandaries. "I am sure you would otherwise be dismissing everything before you even caught your breath. Don't argue the point, I can see it on your face. What must it be like in your head, I wonder?" Light reached up to touch L's face. "Passionate despite yourself, and desperate to erase all evidence of such. Why is emotional control so very vital to you?"

L frowned and said nothing. Laying in this nest of debauchery, he hardly felt equipped to argue the fine points of his personal philosophy.

He was so very surprised when Light tipped his face up and kissed him.

Such tenderness afterwards, instead of the triumphant manner he was expecting the other boy to adopt... He tensed with uncertainty. Was it proof of genuine caring, or merely a calculated emulation of such?

"Always so distrustful, Ryuuzaki. What must I do to prove myself to you?"

L shook his head slowly, not trusting himself to speak. For there was nothing that could truly prove or disprove Light's claims of sincerity or honesty. And right now, he felt weak to the display of candor Light was exhibiting. He wanted to believe in the words formed by his sensual lips and echoed in his beautiful eyes. He wanted to take the chance, and battle the odds that the brunette was acting against him just as easily and guiltlessly as he did against his own family.

"Ryuuzaki, you're different because I..." Light paused. "...like you."

L was startled. This was the answer to that oft-avoided debate? "Why am I different?" "You just are." He was also unimpressed. "It is less convincing with the pause, Yagami-san."

Light's eyes narrowed dangerously at the ridiculously formal address. "If I didn't realize that was your habit of distancing yourself, I would be extremely pissed off right now."

"You look pissed off to me."

Light propped himself up and grabbed L's hands, forcing them on their backs and deep into the feather pillow. A position of power to usurp L's resistance. "How would you expect me to react when you mock me for my honesty?" A position that reminded L of his splayed legs, the press of Light's hips, and the flush-inducing feel of joined flesh. Damn it. What he wouldn't give to be clothed and have a table or something between the two of them. Anything to put them on equal ground and remove the debilitating feel of this forced intimacy.

"Oh, I see how indifferent you truly are, L," Light said. "You speak to me of truth and yet all that you offer me is lies. Your body is truer to your feelings than you think..." He whispered secretively in L's ear with dark intent. "Perhaps I should teach it to divine my sincerity for you."

L shuddered as that voice wound its way inside of him, threatening, gnawing, devouring. This was going to happen again? He still hadn't exited the current emotional roller coaster. "Perhaps you should get off of me." Having to consider repeating this process in the future at Light's whim made him feel faint. But reservations aside, he couldn't deny his response to those sly, possessive words.

Light ignored him. "Reinforcement always has been a tried and proven method," he said, the avarice in his voice becoming lofty and calculating. "I could make you forget everything and anyone else. Wouldn't you like that?"

L's body spasmed brokenly around the punctuating snap of Light's hips. He choked on the sudden pain/pleasure/raw feeling, and the fortification of the flesh within him.

"I could bind you to me eventually. Through look, word, and deed."

"And kill me the second you deemed me an active threat to Kira." L struggled to bring things back to concepts he could handle. Known territory. He did not know what to think of this overbearing and possessive display Light was showing, but it disturbed him. It rattled him and also sparked that dying ember of hope in his chest that had been fluttering out. He half believed Light was being truthful, and knew how dangerous that would be for him in this game. He must not lose sight of the higher stakes. To fall prey to this....

"No, no, Ryuuzaki..." Light murmured with regret. He sought L's lips, causing L to stifle a noise at the sudden shift of their bodies. "So cold," Light said softly upon touching them. "You really believe that..." He looked deep into L's dark eyes. "If it were me, I would never erase you." His voice was soft, yet fierce. "I would rather keep you - the world would be so much dimmer without you... your brilliance."

"Would that it were you. I know nothing of Kira."

"Your profiling is excellent; I'm sure you know him better than anyone." Gold eyes bled into his. Always brimming with hidden thoughts, unvoiced double meanings, veiled and disguised emotions and intent. A myriad of things, all beautiful, all dangerous. All so unavoidably compelling.

"I've profiled you and judged you to be an incurable liar, which you denounce. How would you reconcile the two?" Brutal honesty. Perhaps the only card L had left to play that had the ability to give him the upper hand. He felt Light tense in disapproval. He prayed that this would all distract himself from the feel of the other boy inside of him, and the ache of his legs remaining splayed open so widely, and his inability to move. He couldn't quite bear the thought of the sight he must have made. If he could remain cool and self-possessed, it would soothe this wild embarrassment to tolerable levels. It would distance himself from the feelings he was suspecting he had for the other boy that were wrongly being encouraged by the brunette's attentions.

"I do admit my lack of truthfulness in most cases. What you have a hard time understanding is that I would choose to be real with you, when I do nothing but play roles for others."

Light was being open now. Amazing in its unlikelihood, but a fact nonetheless. "You're saying the reason for that... is that you like me."

"Yes." Light sounded emphatic but annoyed, likely taking offense at the detective's dubious tone.

"ME? When you are dating a model? Light, that is illogical."

"It isn't. I never cared for her. She can't... occupy me as fully as you can. You challenge me in all aspects, and I think I need that."

"Then why are you dating her?" L challenged.

"My father."

"Initially, perhaps, but your father has been openly accusing me of doing to you all the things you've just done to me. And for some time now. I do not think he is concerned about Misa in any capacity." Yes, Light, if you are truly as enamored of me as you say, let us hear your excuse for remaining tied to someone else.

"There are other uses for cover than just his benefit."

L frowned. "That's cruel. I hear about how much she likes you." He didn't really care about this girl he'd never met, but this logical apathetic approach Light adopted while dealing with other people was part of what really bothered him and made him distrustful of the other boy. It set warning bells off in his mind, and reminded him of all the inconsistencies the brunette had ever displayed. It reminded him how foolhardy it would be to give someone like this your trust. And it made him want to press Light until he was given a more acceptable response.

"What would you have me do, Ryuuzaki? Perhaps it would be different if you were not being so difficult."

"If I were not being difficult, would you break it off with her?" L spoke carefully, inquisitive and deadpan. Testing.

Light blinked at him. "Are you actually admitting to being jealous?"

L frowned. "Of course not. But if you insist on pursuing me, I might be swayed to cooperate if you spared at least one other person's emotions." What in the hell was he saying? Was he proposing to encourage this irrational.... Oh, dear god.

Light smiled. "You actually are." He laughed. "You give yourself away too easily. I never even suspected you felt emotionally tied to me."

L cursed himself. His phrasing was wide open. "Think whatever you like. But consider that my offer. And do get off of me, I am not sleeping like this."

"I suppose we could go to the bathroom to clean up," Light smiled beatifically, secure in the knowledge that they both knew he was winning. "but then that looks a bit strange when we only just emerged from the shower a short time ago. What might Watari think?"

"Stop taunting me."

"Ryuuzaki, I'm hurt. How could you accuse me of such a thing?"

"Nothing could affect your thick skin but a hit to your pride." L lashed out with more of that honesty, hoping to maim or injure if only a little. "And you look entirely too smug to claim innocence. Get off of me before I'm forced to resort to violence." Unfortunately, the brunette had fast become immune to such attempts, and was easily taking it in stride.

A wider smile spread across Light's perfect face. He moved in and kissed L hard, dominating his mouth with crushing force and skill, until L was no longer able to keep still or entirely unresponsive against the heat of the onslaught. "Brute strength won you nothing but submission earlier," Light whispered triumphantly. "What exactly am I supposed to be intimidated by?"

"God, you are a bastard!" L aimed a decisive blow to Light's solar plexus, knocking him back with a pained gasp. How was it even possible for him to have developed feelings of any kind for this boy was beyond him. He was already regretting his proposition - made in the void of mental stability, apparently. He needed to just get out of this while he could. That was what anyone with a mind for self -preservation would have done. But he couldn't quite dismiss that Light may in fact be sincere, as unlikely as that was. Why was he so driven to know for sure?

"That was.. uncalled for..." Light wheezed. He let L move out from under him with no more resistance, however.

"Bite me," L threw back. He felt a mess. Perhaps Light had been right; sex apparently made him feel irritated. He pulled his flannel night pants back on and grimaced. Right. New pants after this. Disheveled, deflowered, sticky, and sore in more places than one.... Watari or no, he refused to be chained to a bed for umpteen hours looking and feeling like this.

"I'd love to," Light sneered.

"There is no need for to be supercilious. You had that coming."

"You certainly change your tune when you feel you have a modicum of control over things."

L ignored him. "I'm leaving the room now. It's your choice whether or not you wish to be covered before I drag you out of here."

Light shrugged, got up, and walked bare-ass naked to the door and out in the hall to the bathroom. L, feeling utterly scandalized, scurried after him and hoped Watari was deeply asleep by now. Damn Light. Always had to have the last word, didn't he?

__________________________________________________________ ____________________________________
TBC

A/N:   YAY! It finally happened! deathnoteporning! Unfortunately, you may now have to wait a while between updates. I have nothing more written ahead.... This was going to be 2 chapters originally but when i split it where I was going to... it kind of killed the build up. (Unforgivable!)

I hope you'll find time to review!

As I find time to write and try to devise some brilliant plot progression and also figure out how everything will shake down by the end.... (homg). Misa is likely to be in the next chapter. In what capacity besides somewhat annoying? I am not yet sure. But you can bet your sweet booties that L is going to be having a ton of fun dealing with this new turning point he has had with Light. (sarcasm) and these "feelings" he has finally noticed himself having. We will likely see some jealous!L and smugandsexy!Light.

Ah... who said love was ever easy?