Devil May Cry - Series Fan Fiction ❯ Dante Takes a Wrong Turn ❯ End Chapter - Final Fight ( Chapter 6 )

Hehehe, here's the final (or is it?) chapter of the story. I guess this is the part where I start pushing in all the horrible jokes I couldn't put in the other chapters, eh?

Who knows, maybe I'll make another multi-chapter story involving random hilarity and horrible puns... :P

-Ultima

(P.S. Take note, in the presence of Eva, Sparda is referred to as 'Lucian' but in the event that she's not around (or just not conscious) he'll be reffered to as just 'Sparda'. I find it a lot easier for me to do it this way. :P)

End Chapter

Dante woke up the next morning, yawned, stretched, and got up, brushing the dirt off his clothes. "Vergil?" he looked around, but his brother was nowhere to be found. "Shit, not even a note? That's nice..." Dante remarked. His brother was probably searching for something that could bring them back to the present time, so he got how important it was, but still, a note would be nice!

Sudden screams cut through the silence, coming from the direction of the auditorium and other buildings. "Holy hell, what was that?" Dante asked aloud to no one in particular. He looked around, Devil Triggered, and headed towards the buildings as fast as he could go.

When he got there, he was met with students running away frantically-- some even going so far as to step on other people while trying to escape. All of them were in too much of a panic to notice a demon standing around, Dante noted to his relief. But then he looked up and noticed the cause of all of their terror. His eyes narrowed in the 'Are-You-Serious?' look.

"I just had to ask..."

Arkham was running amok in blob form, crushing buildings with his massive tentacles.

"ARGHGHGH BLARGH!!" Arkham was spouting off random gibberish.

Dante sighed, and pointed Rebellion straight at the creature. "You hate me so much you went back in time, huh?"

Arkham's giant eyeball focused on him. "Aaaaahhh, it's YOU. Half-breed brat!" he roared.

"About time ya start makin' sense. I thought you mighta lost your mind on the way here! Heheh," Dante snickered, then looked around to make sure no one else was watching.

The many students ran away to some form of safety, possibly out of the campus entirely-- luckily the people that had been trampled on either got back up or were helped up by others, so there was nothing much to worry about. A small handful of people were still running, though, and from the corner of his eye he saw Kalina Ann being pulled away by some guy that looked like--

Dante's eyebrows arched, and he did a double take. He looked at Arkham the giant blob, then back at Arkham's younger form, who wasn't so much ugly as weird-looking. He had hair. "Shit, glad to know you didn't ALWAYS look so horrible..." he laughed.

"We'll see if you're still laughing once I DESTROY YOU!!" Arkham slammed his fist down on Dante, but the half-devil moved out of the way before it could do any damage.

"You're gonna have to do better than that!" he taunted.

"So what, you know this thing?!"

Dante turned around to find his father giving him a focused stare.

"Well, uh, tell you the truth, big-bad-and-ugly here chased me and my brother down from you-don't-wanna-know-where."

Lucian crossed his arms. "Oh, so this is your fault. I was thinking of helping you, but since you brought this here, I'm guessing you can take it out."

Dante's eye twitched, and he resisted the urge to flip the guy the One Finger Salute. "Not like I needed your help anyway... old man," he muttered under his breath.

"ENOUGH OF YOUR BLABBERING!!" Arkham bellowed and stretched his arm out to grab Dante, but then his arm was sliced clean off. "What's this?" His eye rolled around to find who it was, and spotted Vergil on the rooftop of a building, having done a Judgment Cut. "DAMN you!!"

"Hm." Vergil stood up coolly, and pointed his Yamato at Arkham. "I could say something really cool here, OR I could just get rid of you once and for all." He leapt off the building, landing next to Dante, thinking himself so awesome for that entrance... Dante just scoffed.

"Here you go, making a big dramatic entrance and stealing MY spotlight!"

Vergil smirked. "Well, 'Showstealer' is my middle name..."

Dante just looked confused at him. "What?"

Vergil reached into his coat, pulled out a birth certificate, and held it in front of Dante's face. "Showstealer is my middle name," he repeated. Dante just looked at the document, slightly jealous. "No fair... I wish I had a cool middle name..."

"You can get it changed, you know."

Dante's eyes lit up. "Really?"

"A-hem!" They turned to look at Lucian, who pointed a thumb at Arkham. "Aren't you two supposed to be beating him into the ground by now?"

Dante shrugged. "Yeah, you're right."

Arkham started laughing, much to everyone's surprise.

"Let us see how well you do when I have THIS--" he stretched out his arm, but into one of the buildings rather than at them. A high pitched shriek was heard.

"AAAAHHHHH!! Someone, help! what's going on!?"

Arkham plucked Eva right out of a building and now was clutching her in front of the three.

Dante and Vergil gasped.

"Eva!" Lucian cried.

"I will crush the life out of this woman you value so much, and you will all be helpless to STOP ME!! MWAHAHAHAHA!!"

Eva squirmed and wriggled. "Not if I can help it!" she pounded away at Arkham with her fists to no avail, then she opened her mouth wide and sank her teeth right into his fist.

"WAAAAAHHHH ARGH!!" Arkham flailed his hand from side to side, still holding on. He'd loosened his grip on the young woman, but he still held on to her, which was his biggest mistake.

Eva reached into her pocket, pulled out a bottle of pepper spray and sprayed it into Arkham's giant eye-- it might as well have been a target sign. "Eat Mace, asshole!!" she cried.

Dante, Vergil, and Lucian all stared. She got a lot of guts for a human.

"Impudent woman, DIE!!" Arkham tossed her into the air.

"Holy shit!" Dante shouted. He was about to make a move to catch Eva, but Arkham slapped him with a tentacle, sending him crashing into an already made pile of rubble and knocking him unconscious.

Another tentacle shot out towards Vergil, and the older twin had to fend it off with Yamato. He darted his eyes to the side, to Dante's unconscious form, then to his mother, who would soon be a lifeless form if he didn't act quickly enough.

Damn! At this rate, she's-- His eyes widened as Eva was suddenly snatched out of the air. Huh? He caught sight of the form settled away from the battle, and he understood what happened.

Lucian had caught Eva, and now he was in his Devil Form, cradling her, away from the danger of the battle.

"Eva? Are you alright?" Lucian gently tried to wake her. "Eva? Say something..."

Eva's eyes were opened slightly. Dazed, she couldn't exactly tell what she was seeing. Some weird demon holding her? How did he know her name? "Uhhh...?" she mumbled something incoherently. "All I wanted was some rice cakes..." after that bout of random nonsense, she fell unconscious. Lucian blinked a few times, then mentally proclaimed her "out of her mind" and eased her to the ground.

Dante struggled to get to his feet and rubbed his head. Damn, getting whopped out of his demon form hurt. "Verge, what happened?" he asked, then-- "Mom? Where is she? What happened?"

"She's alright. She's safe." Vergil assured him. Dante made his way to his older brother, and they both looked at their father's devil form. Pretty impressive.

This had also caught the attention of their foe, who just looked on and dismissed the demon as just another pushover. "No matter what form you hold, you cannot--"

"Shut the FUCK UP!!" Sparda shouted. He turned around to face Arkham, lightning crackling around him. "NO ONE lays a hand on my woman and lives to tell about it!!"

Dante turned to Vergil. "Now she's his woman?"

Vergil turned to him. "Not the time now, Dante."

Dante shrugged, and they both decided to sit back and watch the battle that was about to ensue.

Sparda charged at Arkham, and Arkham tried to counter with his many tentacles and arms, but to no avail! Sparda dodged them all with super speed, and then-- next thing the twins knew, Arkham was crying out in pain. Apparently he'd been defeated.

Dante just stared. "Gee, that was pretty anti-climactic."

Vergil joined him in staring. "It's almost as if it were from some story written by someone who wasn't all that good with fight scenes..."

Dante tilted his head. "Or maybe it's a parody of Street Fighter, or something. Y'know, when Akuma charges at you, then the screen flashes white and next thing you know you're on the ground?"

They looked at each other. "Naaaahhhhh," they said in unison. Then they saw Sparda walking towards them in his human form, twirling his twin pistols, Luce and Ombra. He stopped in front of them, and whirled around, pointing his guns at Arkham. "Time to send you back to Hell!"

Dante stepped forward and pulled out his guns. "Don't count me out on this one!"

Arkham struggled to prop himself up by the short tentacles he called his feet. "It can't be-- you cannot--"

"Yes it can--" Sparda began.

"And yes we can." Dante finished.

Arkham growled. "DIE!! He slapped Ebony right out of Dante's hand, but Vergil caught it. Both Dante and Sparda turned to look. Vergil grinned wryly. "I guess I'll try it your way, for once."

Sparda turned to look at Arkham. "What do we say?" he cocked his head to the side and grinned. The twins caught the little joke and each pointed their guns at the creature.

"Don't do it!!" Arkham pleaded.

"JACKPOT!!" The three fired at once, in what could be described as 'The Best Moment Ever', as a super-powered shot headed straight for Arkham and blew him away.

For some reason Arkham still felt a need to run his mouth, even in defeat. "But... I have the true power of--"

"Shut up already!!" Sparda cut him off.

Vergil and Dante gave a sigh of relief. Good thing Arkham didn't get to finish the sentence, who knows what would have happened?

The monster disappeared, leaving a giant tear in what seemed to be... the time-space continuum? They all examined the rift sitting in empty space. Then Sparda turned to look at the twins. "Listen-- I've no idea how to thank you."

"You can start by checking up on your woman," Vergil replied, smirking. Then he cast a glance over Sparda's shoulder. Sparda turned around, remembered he'd left Eva and rushed to her side. She was coming to.

"What happened?" she rubbed her eye with a fist. "I had a strange dream I was in some horrible hentai, I was attacked by some tentacle monster!" She looked around. "Hey... why are all the buildings destroyed?"

Lucian looked around. "That's because... a demon did attack you."

Eva shot up quickly. "Whaa!? Who-- what stopped it?"

"He did!" Dante came up from seemingly nowhere and pointed to Lucian. "He rescued you, too."

Eva looked at Dante, then at Lucian. "You? I don't believe it."

Lucian looked at Dante, who gave him the 'You know what to do here' look. He looked back at Eva. "Eva, have you ever heard the tale of the Legendary Dark Knight Sparda?"

Eva nodded, "Yeah, he saved the world ages ago from demons and stuff, but last I heard, that was just a legend. And for all we know, he might be dead."

Sparda smiled at this. "Then, I should tell you..." his voice trailed off as he pulled out an amulet, the same one Dante and Vergil owned halves of, except this one was perfect, the two halves united. Eva's eyes shone in awe. "That's..."

"The amulet the Knight used to seal the gate to the Underworld, and at the same time, his power." he finished her sentence for her.

"So then, you--" tears welled up in Eva's eyes, and she hugged Sparda as hard as she could. Sparda looked a little shocked. He blushed, and not knowing what to do, he patted her on the back a few times-- he didn't know if it was the moment to console her, as he was sure this wasn't a particularly sad moment in her life. He looked at Dante and Vergil, and mouthed, 'What should I do? What's going on?'

Vergil responded, just as quietly, 'She's crying because she's HAPPY.'

Dante mouthed, 'You're the man now, dog!' and gave his father the thumbs up. 'Total SCORE!'

Vergil bumped Dante with his elbow, to which Dante mouthed, 'What did I do?' and grinned. Sparda just laughed.

"Well, we have to leave now." Dante said aloud to the couple. He and Vergil waved, and made their way towards the portal which was still open.

"Wait!"

They turned around to find Eva wiping her tears away, her other hand out to them. "Will we ever see you again?"

Dante and Vergil looked at each other, then back at the two. "Yes, you will. At this rate, very soon." Vergil responded. Dante turned to his brother, shocked. He didn't expect Vergil to say that, but Sparda and Eva couldn't quite fathom what he'd meant by the words.

"Then, thank you, Dante and..." Eva paused, realizing she didn't know who Vergil was. "I didn't quite catch your name..."

"Vergil."

"Named after the Roman poet?"

"...You could say that."

Eva smiled.

The twins waved and said their final goodbyes, then left.

Back in the present time, Dante and Vergil stepped out of the portal and right on the peak of the tower-- now it was the Dark Pact Chamber-- where Lady was waiting.

She pointed her gun at the two, then put it down. "What? Where the hell did you two come from?"

Dante shook his head. "You don't wanna know."

Lady gave him an 'O RLY?' look. "Try me."

Dante and Vergil looked at each other, and then said in unison, "...Our dad kicked your dad's ass."

Lady looked confused. "What?"

"Knew you wouldn't get it." Dante shrugged and Vergil scratched the side of his face, just looking around.

They stood there in silence, whiling the time away, when suddenly Dante suddenly got a look on his face like he had remembered something.

"Oh, hey. Verge?"

"Yeah?" Vergil hoped it wasn't a smartass comment.

Dante passed him his half of the amulet, along with the Force Edge. "Here, take it."

Vergil gave him a look as if to say, 'What for?' but what he'd actually said was, "When did you take the time to get this?"

"When mom and dad were having their moment. When else? Contrary to popular belief, I don't sit around being useless when I'm not the main focus!"

Vergil gave him another look, to say, 'Whose belief? And what focus?' but what he'd said at that moment was, "And where...?"

"Hammer space."

"Oh." Vergil knew what he meant then. Unfortunately for Lady, the most she could do was stand there and follow the conversation with what little she understood.

They stood there in silence, when Vergil piped up, "I'm thirsty. Let's go grab a beer."

Dante clasped his hands together, "Best idea I never had."

Lady tilted her head, "Wow. Didn't know you to be a beer drinker, Vergil."

Vergil turned away with a shifty-eyed glance from side to side. "That's because I don't actually drink, but that's a lot better than nothing."

After deciding that it indeed was better than doing nothing, the three walked down the staircase leading away from the peak, but then they all stopped and looked at each other.

In a moment of complete insanity, they linked arms and skipped the rest of the way, singing "I Will Survive". And they all lived happily ever after!

...Or did they?

...Nah, they pretty much did. There's really nothing else to say about that.