Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ A MiSTing of Humans, Digimon, and Hormones pt. 1 ❯ The New guy ( Chapter 1 )

A MiSTing of Humans, Digimon, and Hormones part 1

By

Digifan3:16

This is a MiSTing of a lemon by Shadow Guyver 007 (and I hope you people appreciate this. I'm going through hell to make this a good MiSTing). If there is anyone under 17, don't read. If you want to read the un-MiSTed version, then you are a very brave person.

In the not too distant future,

Orbiting the planet up above,

Brian Smiley and his robot pales

Are being tortured on the

Satellite of Love.

Tourtchered by the students of Pearl,

Nerd Boy Ned and QB Ted.

Because when Brian relaunched the

SOL into space,

He accidentally burned down

Mrs. Forester's entire place.

(Brian: I'm… so… sorry!)

Pearl: "They'll send him cheesy Stories.

The worst they can find (la, la, la).

They'll make him sit and view them all,

And monitor his mind (la, la, la)."

Now keep in mind this is new guy that

Has to view these posts from begging to end (la, la, la).

But try to keep your sanity,

'Cause teleported our old robot friends:

(Brian with a clip board reading:)

Robot Roll Call:

CAMBOT (You're on!)

GYPSY (Why couldn't the new guy be Richard Bass Heart?)

TOM SERVO (I am not a talking gumball machine!)

CROOOOW! (Same as always!)

If you wondering how he eats and Breaths,

And other Science facts (la, la, la),

Just repeat to your self

"It's just a show,

And I should realy just relax."

For Mystory Science Theature 3000 (Twan)

(Door sequence 0…1…2…3…4…5…6…Dog bone)

(A brown haired man is standing where MIKE normally is)

?: Hello? Hi and welcome to the SOL

(A voice off screen then yells at ?)

?2: Sattlelight Of Love!

?: Sorry. I mean the Satlelight Of Love. I'm Brian Smiley and I this is a rebuilt sattlelight. The peace fell into my back yard and I thought of reconstructing the peace of it as a science project at the science fare taking place at Science University.

(off screen voice)

?3: Get to us!

BRIAN: Right. Anyway, after I relaunched the Sattlelight, I noticed a button that said "teleport to satellite." The minute I pushed the button, these robots just appeared. A weird gold one with a beak.

?2: I'm Crow.

BRIAN: A talking a gumball machine!

?3: I'm Tom and I'm not a talking gumball machine!

BRIAN: And I weird vacuum with a mouth.

?4: I'm not a vacuum! I'm Gypsy!

BRIAN: Sorry.

CROW: You did a nice job reconstructing the Sattlelight. You even reconstructed Cambot perfectly.

(CAMBOT nods)

TOM: It's good to be home again.

GYPSY: Yes it is.

(ALL THREE sigh nostalgically)

CROW: Can we go back to Earth now.

BRIAN: I'm sorry, but there's no "Return to Earth" button.

ALL THREE: WHAT?

BRIAN: Don't blame me I didn't build it. In fact, I found it a few minutes ago!

(A red light flashes)

BRIAN: What the…?

(BRIAN taps the light and we see a burnt down house and a woman crawls through the ruble)

WOMAN: Look at my house! And I only rented it for the semester!

(SOL)

BRIAN: Who are you?

CROW: Oh no!

TOM: It can't be!

C&T: Mrs. Forester!?

TOM: But I thought you were ruling a country

(HOUSE)

PEARL: I still am. I just teach how to torture at the nearest University as well.

(SOL)

BRIAN: The nearest University from your country is an American University?

(HOUSE)

PEARL: My country can't afford one.

(SOL)

BRIAN: Then raise taxes.

(HOUSE)

PEARL: The last time a dictator did that, he was subjected to 3 hours of Barney.

(SOL)

ALL: AHHHHH!

(HOUSE)

PEARL: Back to business. You burned down my house!

(SOL)

BRIAN: It was an accident! I relaunched this Satellite as a Science Project!

(HOUSE)

PEARL: And, as a thank you for rebuilding my satellite, I'll be a little more leant. You don't want to what it would be if I wasn't so thankful.

(SOL)

BRIAN: Your satellite?

TOM: Over 11 years ago, Mrs. Forester's son controlled the satellite and used it to torture two humans on two occasions by making them watch bad movies. The first, our creator: Joel Robertson. The second: Michele Nelson. But then, we were turned into lights and reappeared several thousand years into the future where Mrs. F reawakened and took over the job of her son. Just 2 years ago, we returned to the present time.

(BRIAN just looks at him stunned)

TOM: What?

BRIAN: Nothing.

(HOUSE)

PEARL: Any ways, Nerd Boy Ned! Quarterback Ted! I have a homework assignment for you!

(A young man with black hair, thick glasses, plain white shirt, and brown pants appeared with a young man with blond hair, wearing a football jersey and blue pants)

NED: Yes ma'am?

QB TED (Sounding stupid): Duh… what is it teach?

PEARL: I have a new year long assignment for you. I want you to find the world's cheesest fanficts and send it to that person (Points to BRIAN).

NED: We've already found one. We found it when you gave us that "Ways to torture a anime fanboy assignment.

QB TED: We found it uhhh… (Starts counting his fingers and removes his shoes and socks to count his toes).

NED: We found it yesterday. It's called "Humans, Digimon, and Hormones" and its by Shadow Guyver 007

PEARL: You heard him. There's your fic. Now, get into the theatre!

(SOL)

BRIAN: No way! Nothing on heaven or Earth is going to make me go into that theatre!

TOM: Nor will I!

CROW: Ditto!

(HOUSE)

PEARL: I hear there's a best of Davis marathon on Fox.

(SOL)

BRIAN: All of a sudden the theatre sounds good right now.

TOM: It might bring back memories.

CROW: I'm ready to go.

(Lights go off)

ALL: WE GOT FANFICTION SIGN!

(Bone…6…5…4…3…2…1…0)

BRIAN: I hope its good.

TOM & CROW: HA, HA, HA, HA!

BRIAN: What?

Humans, Digimon and Hormones

BRIAN: Humans, Digimon and Hormones?

CROW & TOM (WWF fans): OH MY!

BRIAN: What are you doing?

CROW: It's what we do to keep our sanity.

BRIAN: Does it work?

TOM: Sure. Look at us. We've been rifting movies and stories for years and we turned out find.

BRIAN: Uhhh…

by

BRIAN (Mother from the Waterboy): The Devil!

TOM: You catch on pretty quick.

Shadow Guyver 007

CROW (Author in a bad Shaun Connory accent): The name is Guyver, Shadow Guyver.

E-Mail: Shadow_Guyver_007@yahoo.com

BRIAN: Time to make those e-mail bombs.

AOL IM S/N: DragonAgent007

TOM (AOL voice): Your systems crashed. Please try again 500 times.

Disclaimer:

I claim no ownership to any characters in this fic.

CROW: Who are thanking God at this moment.

Now, on with the sex!!!!!!!!

CROW: Yes!

BRIAN: Remember the title?

(CROW thinks about this)

CROW: Noooo….!

WARNING!!!!!

WARNING!!!!!

WARNING!!!!!

BRIAN (Singing): This is a public service announcement. This is only a test. Emergency evacuation protest. May impair your ability to operate machinery. Can't quite tell just what it means to me. Keep out of reach of children. Don't talk to strangers. Get your philosophy from a bumper sticker. Warning: Live without warning. Warning: Live without warning.

(BOTS look at him stunned)

BRIAN: What? I listened to Green Day.

CROW: That was the longest rift I've ever heard from a new meat.

CROW & TOM (Wane and Garth): We're not worthy! We're not worthy!

CROW (Wane): We're scum! We're dirt! We're lower than Davis!

BRIAN: Thanks!

This fic contains Lemon content.

TOM: I don't like where this is going.

That means that there are scenes in which the Digidestined and their Digimon are having sexual intercourse.

ALL: NOOOOOO!!!

BRIAN: I hope to god that Oscar didn't inspire this guy.

(BOTS look at BRIAN)

BRIAN: What?

TOM: You read an Oscar fic?

BRIAN: I thought "Artimis's Lover" was a Luna and Artimus romance.

CROW: But didn't you read the warning?

BRIAN: I usualy skip those things.

If you find that offensive, then you shouldn't be reading this right now

CROW: Gotta go!

BRIAN (Grabes CROW): If I got to suffer, we all got to suffer.

CROW: Dang!

and I claim no responsibility to any damages done to fragile young minds.

BRIAN: So, if I go nuts, then I can't sue him?

TOM: No.

BRIAN: But can I at least send him a virus?

TOM: That would work.

Also, this one contains girl-girl sex involving Sora, Mimi,

CROW: Yesss!

BRIAN: Crow!

Lillymon, Gatomon and Kari.

TOM: I got a feeling I'm going to need spare heads ready.

So, as before, if you find this offensive, leave now or forever hold your piece (lol).

TOM: Good bye!

BRIAN (Grabs TOM): Like I told Crow: "If I got to suffer, then we all got to suffer."

TOM: Like Crow said: "Dang!"

BTW, I don't know who he was, but the last time I wrote a Lemon, but some moron who said he was President of the ISPCA, the Internet Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Anime, e-mailed me and said he could have me thrown off of fanfiction.net and the web if I continued to write Lemons involving Anime character.

CROW: What's the ISPCA's address?

BRIAN: I'll check.

I'm not listening, as you can tell. So, if you're a Lemon writer and have received an e-mail marked, "You're In Trouble Now!" or anything else from PREZ@ISPCA.org,

BRIAN: Stop writing, and see a therapist.

drop me a line.

CROW (Fisherman): I got one!

We'll fight those bastards tooth and nail and win our freedom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BRIAN (Chanting): Freedom! Freedom! Freedom!

TOM: This is a lemon author.

BRIAN (Chanting): Prison! Prison! Prison!

As Sora, Mimi, Kari, Palmon and Gatomon

ALL (WWF fans): OH MY!

were wandering around Puppetmon's forest looking for Biyomon and the other Digidestined,

CROW: Who wisely decided to stay out of this fic.

Mimi gracefully stepped in fron of Sora,

TOM (Sora): Down in fon!

who couldn't help but stare at the ass between the sweat-soaked pink dress her best friend always wore.

CROW: She has a horse in that dress?

"Damn, she's beautiful!" thought Sora as her eyes continued to stare at the vody before her.

BRIAN: I never knew Mimi had a vody.

TOM: Typo.

BRIAN: Oh.

"I love Tai, that's for sure, but I've wanted to screw her ever since we met, just before this crazy adventure began.

TOM: She's bi in this fic?

CROW: Mimi and Sora? Yesss!

BRIAN: Wait! They're in Puppetmon's forest, right?

TOM: Right.

CROW: So?

BRIAN: Then, this takes place during season one, right?

TOM: Right.

CROW: So?

BRIAN: There 12 years old!

ALL: OH DEAR GOD NOOOO!

But, she loves Matt and, even if she is bisexual, she'd never want a scrawny little kid like me."

TOM: That's the biggest lemon sign, if I ever saw one.

As Sora is letting these thoughts run through her mind,

BRIAN (Horse race anouncer): Annnnnd they're off! It's "how to sudce Mimi" in the lead, follow by "items to buy the next time I'm in the mall" and "the grocery shopping" in third!

Mimi is casting a glance at Gatomon,

TOM (Mimi): Okay glance, you'll play the part of Gatomon.

who was walking ahead of her and to the right.

BRIAN (Meeowth): That's rrrighhht!

"Oh, just thinking about Gatomon makes me hornier than hell! Ever since I saw her in Myorismon's castle, I've wanted to get my face in between her legs and never bring it out! But, she's a warrior Digimon. What would she want, or see, in a lanky kid like me?"

(ALL look at the passage, stunned)

CROW: Oh my god! This is an Oscar fic in discisge!

TOM: YEEEEARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!

(TOM is shaking violently)

BRIAN: Calm down man, we're not even to the sex scene yet!

TOM (Shaking): I'll try.

Gatomon is having thoughts of her own

CROW (Gatomon): Should I sleep with Patomon, or Gomamon?

BRIAN: Crow!

as they enter a clearing and take a rest.

BRIAN: That's my rest! Give it back!

"Man, every time I think about Lillymon,

CROW (Singing): I touch my self!

BRIAN: CROW!

my fur stands on end with excitement.

TOM (Buster Bunny): Then sit down!

She's so beautiful. I may love Angemon, but that doesn't mean that I can't indulge myself from time to time."

BRIAN: Gatomon's bi in this fic?

TOM: Look at the bright side?

BRIAN: What?

TOM: It's between Digimon and Digimon.

BRIAN: Good point.

Palmon is sitting on a log and staring at Kari.

TOM: This does not look good!

Like the others, she, too has her thoughts.

CROW (Palmon): And they're mine! All mine! HA! HA! HA!

"Kari is so cute I can't help but think how good she'd be in bed.

CROW: This author has some serious issues!

From what T.K. told me, she's a real demon in the sack!"

(ALL look at the last sentenced with shock)

BRIAN: First, the author has an Oscarism, now he's hinting that two 8-year olds are having sex?

ALL: AAAAAHHHHHHH!

TOM: YEARGH!

(TOM's head exlpodes)

BRIAN: AAAHHH! Does he always do that?

CROW: Only in extreme cases.

Even sweet, innocent little Kari is having her hormone-driven thoughts.

CROW (Kari): Mimi, or Sora?

BRIAN: CROW!

"Sora is just so beautiful! Some day, I wanna look just like her. Perfect figure, grace, intelligence, not to mention hers is the Crest of Love. Ever since I first saw her when they came to find me, I've just wanted to shove my hand up her cunt and not bring it out. Just because I'm in love with T.K. doesn't neccessarily mean that I only have to sleep with him."

BRIAN: Oh god! I'd rather read a Daikari!

As these thoughts are going through the girls' heads, they suddenly realize

CROW: They're in a demented fanfic and declare to find and destroy the author!

BRIAN: A little dark, huh?

CROW: This fic calls for it.

just how tired they are.

BRIAN: I think this is a good time to repair Tom.

CROW: But what about the sex?

BRIAN: CROW! I'M GOING TO GET YOU FOR THAT!

CROW: AAAHHHH!

(BRIAN chases CROW out of the theater)