Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ Another Fate ❯ the beginning... ( Chapter 1 )

Notes: People have done a lot of these stories. And I should probably attempt writing something other than a Kensuke or Daiken at some point. But, not just yet. They are my favorites after all. As always, this takes place years after 02… approximate ages are 20-25.

Warnings: yaoi, probably too much cursing, horrible writing

Disclaimer: don't own Digimon or characters, 'nuff said.

Another Fate

Clouds hung low in the sky, their dim grayness casting bleak hue over the city and it's inhabitants. The kind of weather that threatened some form of precipitation, be it rain or snow. Solemn faces melted together as people moved along the streets. Sitting on a bench near Odaiba Beach, Ichijouji Ken wondered- not for the first time- what his purpose in the world was.

All meanings of Kindness and destiny forgotten, he mulled over his place among the adult world. It was decidedly easy to be a hero when he was only a young boy, but time had progressed, as it always has a tendency to do. While other people he knew were making choices to tread down lifelong paths, he felt anxiety burning in his chest. When he was young he had been so sure of everything. But now… Now, well, now things were different. There was no preparation for this strange new world he was starting to explore.

Part of him was comfortable accepting the dreams of his family, and to live out their plan for him. Another part of him lived up to the true nature of growing older, and wanted to fulfill his own dreams despite any parental disapproval. Still another part of him wished he could just forget everything and start a new life somewhere else, distancing himself from all the sheltering from family and friends. For years they had been far too over protective of him- as if afraid of something he might do. It had taken some time for him to figure out what had caused this irrational fear and the answer had left him with a mixed bag of emotions.

They were afraid of his other self. The dominating, sadistic, arrogant, and ultimately cruel persona that he had glorified those many years ago. The Kaiser. At first he was startled by this revelation, then quickly ashamed. Obviously, he had not proved himself worthy of his friends' trust, or they would not have worried so. If he had not overheard a conversation at one of the Chosen get togethers he would never have known, but once he was aware of it he was astonished that he had missed all the telltale signs.

Hikari and Takeru had been sitting together, whispering in their own world as they all too often did. Chuckling at comments they made every once in a while they would stoop together and then cast glances around the room, observing the others. Aqua and honey eyes scrutinized everyone and everything they observed- none were spared the treatment. Ken would have had no problems with this had he not heard what they said about him.

"Do you think he's really okay now, 'Kari? What if he were just trying to fool everyone? You know, like some kind of scheme?"

At first he had not realized that the blond was referring to him and so, his interest piqued, he awaited the answer.

"I really don't know, Take-chan. Obviously part of him is truly with us or his crest never would have worked. But after all this time there's still this… light in his eyes. It makes me wonder."

Startled, he remained quiet, hurting from the comments but desperately wanting to know if they had ever accepted him.

"I suppose you're right, 'Kari. I've seen that look he gets. It's like he could just destroy everything in his path and never look back." There was a brief pause. "If anything, I think it's only getting harder for him as time goes on. When I look at him it seems like as he's growing older, the other side of him is never going to go away. If I didn't know better I would say it's getting stronger."

His indigo eyes had opened to enormous pools at that statement. How could they think such a thing? Would none of them ever trust him, treat him as an equal?

"Yeah, you're right, Takeru. The Kaiser is still there, and sometimes I think I can still feel his presence, even if it's just Ken at his weakest. Of course, that was when the Kaiser was strongest, but still, there's just something there. Something that isn't going away. The darkness still clings to him, Takeru, and it worries me."

At that point, Ken had had enough and left the party. After that night his soul searching began in earnest. Often taking late night walks, sitting in the parks, or even going to a movie- he was always alone, thinking over the analysis his "friends" had provided. And it hurt. In a way he had least expected, it tore into him to know that no matter how hard he tried he would never be forgiven by them. Because it was not as though only Takeru and Hikari were the only Chosen who had spoken of Ken in such a way. For some reason, they always thought he was never listening or perhaps not even there at all. He had heard Taichi and Yamato through their door when he had visited them one night. The conversation had been a near perfect echo of their siblings. Miyako, despite her everlasting infatuation with him, had even offered her opinion on the subject one night when out with 'Kari and Iori. Sora, Mimi, Jyou, Koushiro… they all agreed. Ken was still damaged goods. He could save them twenty times a day seven days a week, he could make a saint look like the devil- but he would never be who they wanted him to.

Only Daisuke had never voiced his thoughts. This only brought Ken a slight amount of comfort, for he knew the exuberant second leader of the Chosen. Too much silence meant the burgundy haired one had done a great deal of thinking on the matter. All that silence signified that Daisuke harbored many secrets and deep suspicions about his Jogress partner. Some of this worried Ken, giving him excessive paranoia. Most of the time he took it to mean that his best friend would let the others think as they chose, but he would never slander his good friend's image. He would never give the others any fuel for their fire. And there was always plenty of fuel.

Ken had been through some obvious rough spots in his life, and Daisuke knew about all of them. He accepted all of them. His friend had witnessed a full-blown panic attack from Ken and a terrifying bout near homicidal mania as well. Throughout all of this, he had been nothing but supportive and giving- never belittling, berating, or scornful. So many times at their sleepovers Ken had woken during the night gasping for air, fighting the tears in his eyes and the fire in his lungs, with images of all the pain he had caused still flashing across his glassy indigo eyes. Daisuke had only woken, and held him until the tremors of fear had vanished in the darkness. Though he never asked Ken about these nightmares, Ken always told him, grateful that someone would listen and not judge. Other nights he would waken with stealth and surety, a possessive gleam in his eyes. He would watch as Dai slept, indigo caressing the other boy's skin in the most intimate of ways. A few times Ken had felt a touch of something wild in him calling out, demanding that he take control of the slumbering figure of his friend. Dominate him, take him, cut him, hurt him, bite him, mark him…

Thankfully, Daisuke had never been awake for Ken's late night psychotic show. It probably would have resulted in immediate removal from Daisuke's life and more likely than not, a restraining order. Ken could be very possessive of his Daisuke. And that streak, that wild and untamable urge in him, would laugh in his mind knowing how much he would love to taste that skin and touch that body. However, this same streak- though it found Daisuke to be a delectable treasure- had far bigger and better plans. Had Ken let this side of himself free to roam the city, a lot of people would be dead. There was no denying that this part of him lacked a conscience. As though there were two personalities occupying the space of his mind- leaving no vacancies for anything else. It was consuming and exhausting to say the very least.

Split versions of himself, all in one body- it was something he thought about frequently. Occasionally, he would share thoughts with Minomon on the matter but mostly kept his theories to himself. Years of thinking had brought him to the conclusion that while his family had expected certain things from him, he had fought it, which resulted in him creating a version of his personality that would achieve his goals, fulfill his desires. A personality that would always be able to assert itself, though in reality when his parents pushed he instantly responded by being the perfect son they had lost with the death of Osamu. A weakling and a dictator. What a duo.

Running long, slender fingers through his dark hair he let his head fall as he once again contemplated which Ken he really was. Though hundreds of people had passed by him without consequence, Ken's ears picked up the sound of familiar footfalls. Energy crackled from his steps, even. It was truly a marvel that this young man could be so full of life. Lifting his head, Ken kept his eyes closed for another moment pushing aside the sadness that had gathered there. When he opened them, he was greeted with his favorite view in any world he had seen. Daisuke, tall and proud, clad in his usual sweater, khakis, boots combination with his ever present smile bent down to look him right in the eyes.

"How's it hangin', Ken?"

Ken felt one eyebrow automatically raise and a reprimand pursing his lips. "I really don't think that's any of your business, Daisuke," he replied, voice full of its notorious arctic chill.

Without regard to the frostiness in his friend's tone, Dai simply placed himself in Ken's lap, twining his arms around the pale, slender neck. Leaning his head onto one shoulder he sighed. "If only you would go along with this plan of mine, Ken-chan. Things could be amazing. We would be great together, you know. I guarantee the sex would be phenomenal."

This was an old game between them. Ken would push away Daisuke's flirtation to the point where the Chosen of Courage would test the limits of Kindness with overt sexual overtures. But, it was all in good fun. Thankfully, Daisuke had no idea of what fantasies plagued Ken with every touch. Whips, chains, and rough sex- oh my! "Thanks, but I'll pass," Ken said, dryly. Not that he meant it.

Puppy eyed and pouting, Daisuke pleaded with his friend. "So, would my best friend at least like to get dinner with me?" Since Ken could never refuse Dai in any way, he readily agreed. Taking firm hold of Ken's hand he dragged him to a nearby restaurant, babbling like a maniac all the way.

He let himself be dragged, fighting the blush that was building in his cheeks. Finally, he stumbled forward and into the other man wrapping his arms about Daisuke's waist without even giving it a second thought. When he felt the person in his hold stiffen he immediately let go. Pushing his hands into his pockets he felt embarrassment coming up to greet him. "Gomen nasai," he said quietly. "I tripped."

A burgundy eyebrow rose. "So I noticed, Ken-chan." There was a dangerous glitter of mischief in his cinnamon hued eyes. "If you wanted to get so physical you could have at least asked me on a date first."

"Stop it, Dai," he looked away. Too much temptation, too much temptation…

Placing a hand on Ken's shoulder, he smiled gently when the indigo eyes turned to greet him, begging him to understand how dangerous it was if they got too close. "It's okay, I understand," was all he said. And they resumed their walk towards food and comfort.

As they strode through Odaiba, they were stopped by a young man who, at most, was only twenty. "Hey, Dai-baby! Where were you last night?" The newcomer slipped an arm around the man in question's waist and pulled him close. Too close for Ken's liking- ice began to mold into his expression.

"I was out with some old friends, Lee," Daisuke blushed, a beautiful contrast on his bronze pigmented skin.

"You missed a hell of a party. Lots of bishonen for your viewing pleasure! It wasn't the same without your usual performance though," and he wrapped both arms around Daisuke, sliding one hand down to grab at his ass.

Indigo eyes narrowed and there was a brief flash of violet fire across their surface before Ken cleared his throat. "Why don't you introduce me, Dai-chan?" The usage of the suffix was deliberate- calculating.

Flustered and making his best attempt to escape the tight grip on his waist Daisuke gave his friend a mortified look, but only for a second. Quick inspection revealed to him that Ken was not trying to be considerate. If he got the chance, Ken would most likely peel Lee's skin off in thick layers. "Ken, this is Lee," he gestured to the man with the iron grip. "Lee," he continued, finally managing to break away, "this is my very close friend, Ken."

Lee's cool chocolate eyes took in the sight of the pale, tall man before him. Since he was not privy to Ken's background, he saw no threat present. Three black belts were never noticeable in an ordinary situation. "Pleasure to meet you, Ken. I take it you've known my Dai-chan for quite some time," the man purred, reaching once again for Daisuke.

That was all it took. A quick scan of the area surrounding them revealed an all too easy attack plan. Ken grabbed Lee's right wrist with his own right hand before the other man's hand could even brush Daisuke again and pulled. As he sidestepped away from Lee, he bent the man's arm, pushing his hand up between his shoulder blades- not any easy position should the victim not be flexible enough. Taking a firm hold of his left shoulder, Ken pushed Lee up against the closest wall he could find, which happened to be brick. Rough surfaces will cut delicate skin…

"Your Dai-chan?" The question was hissed in Lee's ear. Ken's left hand dug into the muscle tissue at Lee's shoulder looking for the nerve that would send him to his knees. "Your Dai-chan?!" His skilled fingers pinched the nerve making his victim's knees buckle, but Ken held him firm- anger giving him strength he had forgotten he possessed.

"Ken, stop it!" Daisuke heard the edge of panic in his own voice and bit it back. Gently, tenderly placing his hands on Ken's shoulders he stepped closer to the crazed man. It was like watching the Kaiser in action all over again. Only Daisuke was not a world to be conquered. Moving close he murmured in Ken's ear, "Stop, Ken. Just let him go. He's not worth it. Forget him, he's nothing." He felt Ken's rigid posture relax under his fingertips. "Just let him go," Daisuke whispered.

Strong hands released the squirming and now frightened man. "Fuck, Dai! Your friend is fucking psychotic! Shit!"

Pinching the bridge of his nose and closing his eyes, Daisuke shook his head. "Just get out of here, Lee."

The other man stood, gaping. "But he's fucking psychotic, man! You shouldn't be around him."

Ken's shoulders tensed under Dai's fingers once more. "What was that?" His tone sent an icy shock through the air. Lee got the hint and ran before Ken blew a fuse and became really violent.

Two tired blue eyes closed, trying to fend off the wariness of fighting this part of himself. Ken slumped, more out of shame than defeat. "Oh god," he whispered. "Dai, I'm so sorry. Gomen, gomen nasai. Gomen…" His words repeated over and over.

For his part, Daisuke was very sympathetic. Having known Ken for so many years he knew the torture the normally kind-hearted man was most likely putting himself through. Though he knew full well exactly what Ken was capable of, he also thought it was so unfair. Would Ken never be able to let this part of himself go? Or at least integrate it into the kind, sweet friend Daisuke cared for so much? There was no rest for Ken. Not until he accepted the darkest parts of his mind, body, and soul. Daisuke was determined to make that happen. He would never forsake this wonderful person. He cared far too much. Instead, he pulled Ken into his arms, ran his hands through the inky hair, and whispered soothing words to his companion until the shock wore off.

"It's okay, Ken. It's all right…"

Mentally slapping, punching, kicking himself, Ken pulled it together. Composure firmly back in place he shied away from Daisuke's embrace. "I'm okay now, Dai. And I'm sorry," the words were quiet, shameful.

With his cheerful smile on his face again, Daisuke fought off an urge to kiss away his friend's anxiety. "I know, Ken-chan. Now, let's go get dinner." Taking Ken's hand yet again he resumed pulling him down the street, babbling about anything he could think of the erase the past few minutes. When they reached the restaurant all worries were temporarily thrown aside- food being a much better occupation for their thoughts.

Once they ordered, the two men settled into comfortable silence. As their friendship had grown over the years they had gotten used to each other's habits. Daisuke, to Ken's tendency to get lost in thoughts of life and craziness; Ken, to Daisuke's tendency to touch him or fidget at all times, never able to sit still. Naturally, Daisuke broke the silence first.

"So, what were you so deep in thought about when I ran into you in the park earlier?"

Ken chewed his bottom lip and thought for a moment. He had been thinking over the very nature of his personality that made him lash out at Lee. A stupid, baiting taunt and he fell for it- hook, line, sinker. He had been thinking about what made him want to hurt others. No, not simply hurt them. What made him enjoy doing it. The fact that he got pleasure from causing other people pain. And the fact that he would succumb to those desires every so often…

"Do you think I'm weak, Daisuke?"

Cinnamon eyes blinked- once, twice, then stared. Did he think Ken was… weak? Ken, who had bent even powerful Digimon to his will. Okay, so maybe it was his master's will, but he had still done it. Ken, who had overcome the darkest seed of evil planted in his own body, seen his faults and asked for forgiveness…

"Ken," he said slowly, "I could never think you were weak."

"But, why?"

Rubbing his hands over his face, he tried to put things together in his mind so that when he spoke it might sounds halfway convincing. "It takes a strong person to admit they're wrong about something. Especially when it's something they've been taught never to question. It takes an even stronger person to ask for forgiveness after that, Ken. You did all of those things. How could you see yourself as weak?"

A long silence answered Daisuke as Ken thought about it. Sighing finally, his tired eyes rose to meet a questioning gaze. There was another flicker in those cinnamon eyes that he could not quite name, but it was something familiar. "Because, Dai, no matter how hard I fight I still end up giving in to whatever it is that makes me so cruel sometimes."

There was a brief smirk that quickly melted into an honest smile. "That part of you that makes you cruel, eh? Ken I hate to break it to you, but it's you. You are the reason you're so cruel sometimes."

He most definitely had not been expecting that. Violet ice slid below the liquid surface of Ken's eyes. It took some very noticeable effort, but he managed to refrain from biting Daisuke's head off. "Is that so, Dai-chan? I'm the reason for this nasty streak of cruelty, hmm?" Pausing to set his chopsticks down he could feel the first twinges of something building in him. Every movement he made was slow, deliberate. "Perhaps, that wasn't quite what I meant then."

"So, what did you mean, Ken-chan?" Cinnamon flickered over the deft movements across the table. Kaiser or Ken? Kaiser or Ken? He still was never sure which one he was dealing with. It made him insane, and he wished with everything in his soul that Ken could just come to terms with it already. "Are you referring to your cruelty as Kaiser, or to what you almost did to Lee earlier? Do you mean the violent nature that hides behind that calm and so sweet visage everyone but me always sees?"

Apparently, his friend had done a lot of thinking on this matter as well. "That could be it, yes," his voice was smooth- lacking any flaws of nervousness or fear. "This, this violent nature of mine, as you put it, is something of an enigma. I can't understand how I can feel kindness, even be Kindness, and harbor such a severe level of sociopathy. It's like he's in my head all the time whispering to me how wonderful it would be if I just gave in to him, and one way or another, I always do."

It was the longest statement Ken had made about this topic in years. Daisuke thought over what had been said. The Kaiser was still seen as a separate entity to Ken. Interesting. Well, that would explain some things. He sighed and gave his opinion on the matter at hand. "Ken, I'm not sure either. I think it might be that you're just unwilling to accept that you're capable of hurting people-"

"I like it, Daisuke. That's what scares me. Part of me gets such a rush at the mere thought of it." A shudder racked him at his own words. Sadism seemed such a frightening word. Not a word he wanted others to associate with him.

"And you think that's the Kaiser side of you?"

"Certainly. It must be. You know me Dai, better than anyone- including Wormmon and all his stages. That isn't me. It can't be." Any calm he had felt in the previous moments dissipated leaving him awash with guilt. A warm touch on his hand made him look up at his companion's tender smile.

"Everyone has thoughts like that, Ken," he said in a voice so quietly serene it felt as though he were breathing out an aura of healing- the power of Friendship at its best. "Everyone has thoughts that they aren't proud of or are ashamed of even."

Tears glittering in his indigo eyes Ken laughed, the sound nothing more than a weak sob. "If you knew some of the things I've thought," words failed him and he shook his head. "If you could see inside my mind you would probably start screaming and get carted off to a rubber room somewhere." Stopping he quickly pressed a hand to his mouth. "Oh shit, Daisuke, I'm sorry…" What had he been thinking saying that? He knew Dai had a psychiatric history that rivaled his own in complexity. "I'm so, so sorry."

"Ken, it's okay," he cut the neurotic young man off. "Really, it's okay. If it were anyone else I'd be really pissed off, but it's you, okay?" At the shaky nod he gave another tender smile. "Besides, we aren't talking about me right now, we're dealing with you. Ken, you know it's okay to talk to me about this. I'll never judge you."

Nodding, he smiled- or at least tried to. "I know, Dai-chan. This isn't something I'm used to talking about. We've talked about Jogress evolution, theorized about parallel dimensions, even waxed philosophical about the nature of every other crest of the Digidestined, but we've never dealt with ourselves. I guess I'm scared to. Pretty stupid, huh?"

"No, Ken. It's not stupid," Daisuke gave the pale hand in his own a squeeze. "It's easy to talk about other people and stuff but it's hard to turn that magnifying glass back on yourself. No one likes talking about their problems." Yet, Ken had always opened up to him about the part of himself that he most likely considered weak. All the nightmares, the late nights crying together- Dai knew how precious it was. "And you forgot something. We are Jogress partners, which means I have seen inside your mind. And you don't see me fleeing in terror, do you?"

Dark eyebrows knit in confusion, he felt his tears drying away. "No, I guess I don't." Pulling his hand away from the warm touch of Daisuke's skin, Ken looked down at the table- studying it as though it held ancient secrets. Indeed, Dai must have seen the horror of his mind before. Why didn't he think of that? He had seen the beauty inside the Chosen of Courage and Friendship, so why did he think the flow worked only one way? "Then why is it that you trust me when the others don't? You've been there, you've seen what I'm truly like. How can you trust a monster like me? All those dreams of blood and pain, every whim of cruel aspiration, every fantasy…" Oh no. No, no, no- had he seen everything? "Dai…?"

"Okay, so maybe not everything. But I get these weird flashes in my dreams sometimes. We haven't had to Jogress in years, so after that final time a lot of your private thoughts are still your own. Not that I haven't wondered about some things," he trailed off letting the glimmer of mischief burn in his cinnamon eyes again, turning them into golden fire. Chuckling to himself at Ken's questioning look he merely shook his head at the pale man. Oh there were things he wanted to know, but would never dare to ask. Did Ken ever dream of him tied up and at his mercy? Had Ken ever fantasized about what a passionate bout of lovemaking between the two of them would be like? Did Ken ever wonder if he would be forever alone? Forever unable to heal the wounds the past had dealt him? Always longing for things he was never even sure he understood? The Chosen shook his head once again. So many years between them of soft touches and near intimacy. Though Daisuke had initiated a lot of those moments with his flirtatious habits, he had always been the one to stop. Ken never protested the advances, unless in a particularly sour mood, but even then the innuendo still won a smile. While quiet man never protested the advances, he had never protested when Daisuke stopped either. And neither of them ever spoke in any serious tones of what transpired during those moments. However, in the depths of night he would lay in his bed feeling his throat turning to gravel around the mound of pain that lay there. The battle against his tears would rage as he choked away sobs and tried in vain to stop the images of Ken filtering through his mind. Dreams of the one person he could never have tormenting him to the edges of fear. What did it mean to be bound to someone so tightly? He was terrified of finding out. Despite the fact that he cared for Ken a great deal, Daisuke would never voice his emotions. The only stopping factor was not rejection or loss of friendship. What prevented such a freedom of emotional discourse was the fear that things might actually work out between them. The fear that he would lose himself, lose the identity he had fought so hard for. He shook his head again and looked across the table not losing the shine in his eyes.

"Things like what, Dai? After all we've discussed today, you'll know everything about me." Well, almost everything. Some things were not worth the price of being revealed.

"Then why is it I get the feeling that you're still keeping something from me?"

Fuck. "Whatever do you mean, Dai-chan? There's nothing I haven't told you." Shields of indigo slid into place, effectively guarding the soul within.

"I mean that you're right. I do know you Ken. Better than anyone, sometimes that includes you." As this registered in his friend's eyes he snickered. "Plus, you don't blink as much when you're hiding something. In fact, you almost completely shut down. And not only is it creepy as hell, but it's also kind of annoying. Please tell me what it is."

Double fuck. "It's nothing, Dai-ch-"

"You also call me 'Dai-chan' a lot more when you're trying to be either persuasive or trying to lie to me."

Oh. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. "I hadn't realized that you noticed," he replied trying to regain his calm aplomb. "But, it really isn't anything you need to be worried about. And don't pry into this one, Dai. This is a Pandora's Box that I'm not ready to open." Eyes locked dead-on with a penetrating, spicy gaze he did his best to project that he was telling the truth. Ken was in a world that went beyond the realm of fear when it came to this. The cruelty in him wanted to come out and play- especially with the sculpted Adonis that he knew as Daisuke. If that happened things could never be the same. Simple lust would have been easy to handle, but he feared the dominance that burned in him. Feared it would leave obvious scars on both Daisuke's mind and body. And it would not stop there. He would rampage until the world was bathed in blood and those remaining were begging for mercy. The urge to destroy swept him in a rush so intoxicating he almost fainted from the stress of having to fend it off.

"Ken?" The eyes were full of worry. "Are you feeling all right? You look kinda pale, well, paler than usual."

Breathing deeply, counting to twenty, he calmed the beast- the monster- that lay in him. "Hai, I'm all right, Daisuke. I think I just need to get out of here and go for a walk or something." Standing, he was barely conscious of his companion's actions. They paid and left with Ken still balancing on a fine line between catatonia and psychosis. Fortunately, the night air felt crisp in his lungs and cleared the fog in his brain.

"Feeling better?" The burgundy haired man grinned at the accompanying nod. "Great, because I've got a killer idea." He felt Ken stop, and turn, and fix him with a skeptical glare.

"That means you have some sort of 'life and death' idea for us to follow through on. Forgive me if I don't feel up to the challenge tonight," he said dryly. A finger wagged in his face.

"Ne, Ken, when's the last time you had a little fun?" The mischievous glint was back in his aura again.

"The last time you dragged me on one of these roller coaster devil spawn rides of yours. Which, I might add, resulted in a very expensive trip to the hospital."

He blushed at that- more fire in him coming to the surface. "Yeah, sorry about that one. But, come on, you need to perk up. And when's the last time you went to the Digital World anyway?"

Ken froze. "What?! You want to go there now?"

"Uh-huh," Daisuke nodded vigorously.

"May I ask why?" Deep in his heart, he knew the answer he was about to receive.

"So we can Jogress and you don't have to worry about whatever it is you're too afraid to tell me." Without waiting he grabbed one of Ken's arms and hauled him off to his apartment. Upon attending Tokyo University, Daisuke's parents had finally acknowledged that their son was not stupid and bought him a computer. Koushiro must have loaded the Digital Gate program into it at some point that Ken was unaware of.

Trying to fight of the hold on his arm, Ken found his efforts useless. Not only could he not get a clear shot at Daisuke with the pace they were moving at, but he could not bring himself to hurt the shining figure. At the very thought of it, he felt his eyes water. Daisuke pulled him along without any further word and other pedestrians might have thought them to be strange, but Ken was transfixed. The Destined of Courage and Friendship was glowing. The streetlights reflecting off the skin on his face highlighted the bronze tone that was part of his genetic makeup. Moving through the city, head held high, Ken on his arm- Daisuke looked like an angel. A very familiar comparison to Ken. In his dreams, the young man always had wings.

"Okay," he agreed softly, barely believing that he was saying it at all. "You don't have to drag me with you Daisuke. I'll go to the Digital World."

"Good. Glad you decided that so I don't have to force you." Words of reassurance, but his hold never let up. "But, just in case you get squeamish…" And the hold tightened and they neared the apartment.

Bidding a final good night to the city they went inside. Daisuke had to ease his grip on Ken a little to open his the door, but he still held him. There was no way he would let fear ruin this bond. Though he was entirely petrified of what could happen he needed to lay all his fears to rest. Since he was not as stupid as everyone else assumed, Daisuke was fully aware that when they joined Ken would know exactly how he felt. However, it seemed the Cowardice that lingered in him left him no options. That was indeed the beauty of being part of one of the first groups of Digidestined. Crests, tags, and digimentals all marked their traits- be they the holders' greatest weakness or strength. And, true to any regular deigning of nobility, each Chosen had to accept that they held not only the given attribute, but also its counterpart. Over time they had all come to terms with their abilities and Daisuke marveled at this. With the stress of maturity he had learned the values of friendship and courage, particularly with Ken. However, there was no denying that there was a trace of cowardice behind his refusal to admit his affection. Sneaking a quick glance at the luminescent figure with him he steeled his nerves for the Jogress.

Ken, on the other hand, was already digging his heels into the floor as Dai pulled him along. Not necessarily because of the Kaiser- or whatever it was called. Daisuke would know of his fantasies, true enough, but he would also know just how deep Ken's desire for him actually ran. If given a chance, Ken would die for the angel at his side. Had he the chance, he would sacrifice all in his possession to keep the man he beheld safe and happy. When Daisuke pulled out his old digivice, Ken only sighed in resignation. He had to go through with this, no matter what the cost. Leaning his head onto his friend's shoulder he silently prayed to anything that could hear that Dai would live up to his digimentals.

As they were pulled through there was the familiar rush of electric current- nothing harmful, just tingling, inviting. They landed standing in the same position they had departed in. Years of practice had helped with smoother landings. Their clothing no longer changed either. The change was only generated when the wearer was insecure about the gifts hidden in his or her heart. While both young men were grappling with a level of insecurity they had each come to terms with what had created the previous clothing they wore on digital escapades. Daisuke had left behind his bravado years ago, trading it for security with both psyche and sexuality. Ken had abandoned his gray uniform having rid himself of the desire to become invisible. Now they stood wearing only what they brought with them- certain emotions fluttering in the air around them but not manifesting in physical form. Each man surveyed the area with grim determination. They had come to rest beside a lake. The peaceful setting doing nothing to alleviate distress felt by either Chosen.

"Well," Daisuke tried to keep his tone light, "I guess now we start looking."

"Yeah," Ken matched the light tone but felt a knot forming in his stomach. He loved Wormmon, he really did, but he did not feel like spending hours trying to locate his friend. Fortune smiled on the pair again. As luck would have it, their digimon were close by. A short walk to a village would prove to be excruciatingly long for Ken. Both men quiet, he thought about what they had come to accomplish. A Jogress. A joining between their digimon that resulted in a joining between Ken and Daisuke. A union they had not experienced for years. Blushing faintly, Ken reminisced about the feeling of two hearts beating beneath his breastbone. The thought was exhilarating if not a little scary. Okay, so a whole lot scary… His friend bounded ahead of him apparently eager to put this matter behind them. Join their minds so that they could understand one another without words. They would feel in unison what each desired most. Again, Ken thought about turning back and running for his life. They reached the village all too soon. Veemon and Wormmon cried out at the sight of their partners.

"Daisuke! You haven't been here for days! I was starting to think you didn't like me anymore," Veemon went flying into Dai's stomach as a blur of blue and white.

"Ken-chan!" Wormmon was much more reserved, crawling up to his partner his eyes lighting as Ken knelt down to give him an affectionate pat and eventually a hug as well.

They stalled for a while, not wanting to seem entirely selfish to their partners, but finally even Ken began to fidget.

"Um, Dai? I think we should tell them."

Flashing cinnamon snapped up, then turned to the small blue creature at his side. "Yeah," he agreed, "we probably should."

"Tell us what, Ken-chan?" The distinct note of worry in Wormmon's voice did nothing to help Ken's jumpiness.

"Well,' Daisuke spoke up, "you see guys it's like this: Ken and I were talking about some stuff and we decided the best way to understand each other was a Jogress, which we can't do, but you two can, so… uh, yeah."

Both creatures blinked at this, stunned into silence. Indigo eyes rolled skyward. Kami, give him patience. "Smooth, Daisuke, very smooth."

An indignant snap: "I'd like to see you do better!"

Ken only shook his head, dark hair hiding his eyes that sparkled with fear. "Well, Wormmon?"

The two humans stared at their digimon for a few more minutes before the digimon burst into cheers. "YES! Do you know how long we've wanted to do this for?!" Veemon was bouncing up and down faster than Ken had ever thought possible.

"Oh, Ken-chan! We've waited and waited for you to come here and ask this! We can't do it ourselves and we've wanted to forever…" Wormmon began to bounce with Veemon in an over excited frenzy of green and blue that left Ken with borderline nausea.

After that everything became one massive blur. Before Ken could stop anything Stingmon and X-Veemon were nearly joined in Jogress. He could hear nothing over the pounding of his own heart in his ears. With no recollection of anything he had said he tried to swallow the dryness in his throat away. Beside him, Daisuke was in the same state. They watched as Stingmon and X-Veemon became Paildramon and then they felt it...

Ken could hear two heartbeats in his ears. There was a rush of sensation and then Daisuke was there- with, beside, around, and inside…

Daisuke felt the rhythm in his chest expand to twice the power. A consuming sense of Ken filled him shrouding reality…

And they both thought that it had never been like this before. Seconds later their minds crashed together in a hurricane. Running on sensory overload they reached for one another feeling almost as if they could merge into one body too. Their blood flowing like molten silver, they burned together in a desire so explosive it nearly left the Digital World in ruins. But every sensation stayed locked within their flesh. Flashes of memories and dreamstuff mixed with the Digital World and with the space surrounding it, never relenting. They became lost in one another the way only lovers are known to do- each one crying for the other, begging for some sort of release from the pent up energy…

Paildramon watched as the Jogress took Ken and Daisuke. Within its mind it recognized that they needed to pull apart before serious physical damage was done to either youth. Reluctantly, it made the right decision, pulling apart to become Veemon and Wormmon, each with enough energy left to complete another Jogress if needed. They watched the young men as they fell to the ground, chests heaving…

Ken lay there for what felt like years. The sudden halting of sensation left him feeling incredibly empty. Closing his eyes to the stars above, he let the event replay in his mind knowing Daisuke was most likely doing the same. Memories, fantasies- things Ken had never realized about his closest friend flew across his brain. Had he really just witnessed that?

Daisuke lay on the ground, fully aware of Ken's presence less than one foot away- well within touching distance. Visions of Ken's dreams sparking through his vision. When he found his voice he let out a low, sultry laugh. "Holy shit that was amazing." He heard the murmur of agreement beside him and turned as best he could to look at the beautiful figure on the grass. Pale skin illuminated in the moonlight, soft dark hair fanned about his flushed face. Quite delicious all in all. Thinking of delicious things… "Hey, Ken?"

One eyes opened- a shimmering jewel of blue. "Yeah, Dai-chan?" His voice was breathy, his heart starting to slow.

"Did you really sit and watch me sleep all the time?"

Shit. "Uh, yeah. I did." Thinking for a moment he bit his lip, trying to form the question. Hell with it. "Daisuke… do you love me?"

He turned his face away, feeling the burn of a blush staining it. "Yes I do, Ken. I love you a great deal." Now he knew. And Ken… Ken's mind was so chaotic that it took him a moment to sort out what he had experienced. "You, you love me too, don't you?" Elation sang on his nerves doing the brightest victory dance in recorded history.

"Yeah," was the quiet response. "And I understand if you don't want to ever come near me again after seeing all of that. You don't know how much I wanted to tell you all the time-"

"Oh, but I do know, Ken. Let's hear it for Jogress evolution!" Finding the strength to sit up Daisuke let out a rather girlish giggle. "I feel drunk or something…" he saw Ken nod in assent and sat studying him for another space of moments. "It doesn't scare me, you know. Your darkness. As you may have observed, I have it too."

Ken finally opened both eyes and thought better of it, squinting at his friend. "Pretty hard to miss that kind of thing, Dai. Help me up?" Pale hands reached out and were taken by bronzed hands and held for a minute in a sweet but simple embrace. Once he was pulled into an upright position, he felt the world tilt and he slumped forward onto Daisuke's shoulder. "So? Now what?" The task of completing sentences or even complicated thoughts was far beyond Ken's grasp and he would have been content to spend the rest of his life just leaning on Daisuke.

"Hmmm? Oh, well… I don't know really. Do you want to give it a shot? Us, I mean. This time I'm not teasing- you and me. Relationship. Togetherness. Physi-"

"Dai," the sharp warning came scant moments before his vision was filled with indigo. A soft touch pressed at his lips- sweet, reassuring. All too short, and Ken pulled away. "I love you, you know," he whispered pressing his forehead to Daisuke's. "And, you're right. I do feel drunk."

Laughing he ran his fingers through the silken hair before stroking Ken's cheek. "Love you too. Even if you are crazy…"

There was only a flicker of violet before Daisuke was tackled to the ground screaming for mercy as Ken tickled him- something they had not done since junior high, tickle fighting. "I'm crazy? I'm crazy?! Mister Bondage Fantasy of the year anyone- me tying you up! And I'm crazy?!" Although, he had to admit, the idea was very exciting.

"You know you loved it. I can see it in your eyes. No! Not there! ACK! Ken, I know you want me at your mercy but I thought you wanted me to be naked for it. NO! Stop tickling me!" His laughter rang in the air- golden peals of delight and satiety.

"Well, so did you!" Stopping his tickle routine he fixed a glare on Daisuke. It didn't last- Ken fell forward cuddling into Dai's chest. "That was a weird Jogress…" he yawned.

"It practically felt like sex," Daisuke laughed understanding why he felt so… content. As his mind began to drift away he was dimly aware of Ken moving again. Before he was coherent enough to comprehend what he was doing he pulled Ken up and kissed him. There was a moan against his lips as a foreign tongue sought entrance. Ken tasted like sugar, like twilight, like magic.

"Yesss…" he whispered against Daisuke's mouth. A flavor of spice and chocolate filled him. Strong arms encircled him. He felt so safe in his angel's embrace. Pulling away as their kiss tapered off he rubbed his nose against the one below him. "Love you, Dai-chan."

"Love you too, my Ken-chan." When his new boyfriend settled down again he chuckled. "So, does this mean you'll consider a relationship with me?"

Before Ken could answer there was a shout. "Why are you kissing Daisuke?" Veemon bounded up to them, head tilted in childlike wonder.

Wormmon followed his Jogress partner laughing to himself. "They love each other Vee. Come on, let's let them be alone for a while."

"But I want to visit with Daisuke! Ken gets to see him all the time. And I love Daisuke too. They can make out when they go back to the Regular old boring World. I want some quality time!" The pout on the mon's face was irresistible.

Laughter answered the demand and the two young men got up off the ground silently resolving that they would discus the night's events at a later time. At that moment they simply held one another knowing their emotions were finally free, but not unaware of the dangers they could bring. Through their darkness they had found each other- not as a light, but as a simple sense of salvation. A bond that could withstand any cruelty, cowardice, any darkness.

*************

finally! There will more than likely be another chapter or story to this in the future, but for now I'm tired. Not to mention the fact that somewhere around 3,000 words my computer crashed erasing half the story, giving me a near aneurysm. I hate it when that happens.