Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ Bed of Lies (v. 2.1) ❯ And We Softly Surrender... ( Chapter 4 )

A/N: It took awhile, but chapter 4 is finally done. This chapter came out way different than originally planned, becoming a Taichi chapter instead of a Yamato one. It gets depressing towards the end, too. I'm so cruel to poor Taichi in this story. Don't worry though, Yamato will get more twisted as things go on. And for those who are wondering when the heck Taichi is going to finally tell Yamato... well.... its going to be awhile. This is going to be about 11 chapters long, and the confession doesn't happen until chapter 9 or 10 (I'm in the process of fiddling with the chapter content for the last few, because FFN seems to not allow lemony stuff, if you know what I mean -_-). Hopefully I'll be able to update sooner next time (that is, provided my classes don't decide to dump tons and tons of homework on me..).

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[Just like me you got needs

And they're only a whisper away

And we softly surrender

To these lives that we've tendered away]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yamato dropped the hand that had been grasping Taichi's shoulder, and looked at him uncertainly. He opened his mouth to reply, but found he didn't know what he wanted to, or could say. Taichi glanced at him, but didn't seem to notice his reaction; he turned his gaze away from Yamato, and went on.

"Things weren't supposed to happen this way, but what's done is done," Taichi turned towards Yamato. "Too much time has passed, Yamato."

"No," Yamato said, finding his voice at hearing this, though it wasn't much more than a whisper. "You're wrong."

Taichi turned around all the way, feeling his irritation overpowering his urge to cry. "How can you say that I'm wrong, when you don't even know me anymore?"

"What?" Yamato was pulled out his confusion by shock at what he had just heard. "How can you say I don't know you?"

"Because I don't think I know you anymore," Taichi turned his eyes down, staring at the ground. "We've both changed too much."

"No, we haven't changed at all," Yamato said evenly, as Taichi's eyes immediately fixed themselves on him. "Our lives just went in different directions."

"And those lives have changed us," Taichi narrowed his eyes a little, more in regret then in anger. "Whether you want to admit it or not."

Yamato opened and closed his mouth several times before finally replying. "Just because we aren't who we used to be doesn't mean we can't be friends again."

"Yes it does," Taichi said flatly. Yamato sighed in frustration as Taichi went on to say, "It matters because I don't think I want to be friends with the kind of person you've become."

"Oh?" Yamato asked, raising his eyebrows. "And what kind of person might that be?"

"A coward," Taichi said simply. "All you do is run from your problems now. You ran from me when you realized how much you fucked up our friendship before, and now you're running from something that you can't even identify!"

"I-" Yamato faltered. Somewhere in his mind he knew that was true. Then he remembered why he hadn't wanted Taichi to leave. "That's- That's why I told you not to leave. I don't want to run from you, not anymore."

"If you had said that five years ago-" Taichi's voice broke, and he turned away from Yamato, not wanting the other man to see the tears that had escaped. Somehow, as he always had, Yamato sensed that more was wrong than Taichi was letting on.

"Taichi-" Yamato said softly, before realizing how incredibly hypocritical Taichi was being. You've been running from me too, maybe for longer than I have.

"Just- just go away, and stay away!" Taichi cried, turning around and glaring. "I don't want your sympathy! I was- I was almost over this! Just leave, already!"

"I'll leave," Yamato began, his voice quiet. "But I can't promise I'll stay gone. I still don't believe that you'd want me to disappear all over again."

"Do you think I really care what happens to you?!" Taichi exclaimed. "I-" The pained look that danced on Yamato's face nearly caused Taichi to faultier. "I stopped caring a long time ago!"

"If you don't care, then stop making such a big deal out of it," Yamato said sharply, while turning away from Taichi. "I'm going home, but I'm not going to just vanish from your life again."

Taichi didn't say anything; as he watched Yamato leave, irritated and confused, he wished he had. I should, but I still can't. What the fuck am I so afraid of?

"Yes, do tell me," Daisuke asked mockingly as Taichi glared at him from the couch where he was sprawled. "What is you're so afraid of?"

"Like you'd understand," Taichi mumbled, sticking his tongue out at Daisuke. "I mean, what's anyone afraid of in this sort of situation?"

"I suppose. I guess in your case-" Daisuke considered it. "He might think you were taking advantage of his current vulnerability."

"I actually hadn't thought of that," Taichi replied, raising his eyebrows. "I think its something more simple, like rejection that I'm afraid of."

"Even though that makes no sense," Daisuke rolled his eyes, as he always did when that particular idea came up. "After tonight, I think your biggest problem would be getting him to actually believe you. I still don't understand why you were acting that way."

"Neither do I." Taichi sighed, again feeling stupid, even though he knew that wasn't Daisuke's intent.

"What happened to telling him if you ever got another chance, anyway?"

"I-" Taichi started, then looked annoyed. "Wait a minute, how the hell do you know-?"

"Ah-" Daisuke looked suddenly guilty. "I, uhm, dunno?"

"Oh, I'm so sure!" Taichi threw a pillow at him. It sideswiped his left cheek. Daisuke laughed, picked up the pillow and lunged at Taichi. Taichi dodged, and Daisuke hit the couch.

"Ow," he remarked sullenly. "No fair."

"Oh, fair it is, my friend," Taichi replied sardonically. "That what you get for-"

He was cut of by the sound of the phone ringing shrilly in the next room. They exchanged glances before Taichi got up and went to get it.

"Uhm, hello?" Who the hell is calling us at 3 am?

"Taichi," the voice on the other end regarded him quietly.

"What the hell-" Taichi was rather annoyed. He couldn't even wait one day? He had to call me the second he got home? And for that matter, how the hell did he get my number so fast? "What do you want now?"

"To talk." It was a simple reply, but laced with so much more.

"Well, I don't want to "talk"," Taichi said angrily. "Maybe- maybe not ever, but not..not now."

"Does that imply that you don't hate me?" He asked sarcastically.

"I never said I hated you," Taichi said heatedly. "I just- I can't, okay?"

"Can't-? Can't do what? Taichi?" Yamato asked, only to get a dial tone in reply. "Damn it!"

A door creaked open somewhere down the hall as he hung the phone up. He peered down the hall, and saw his wife poking her head from the door to their room.

"Yamato-?"

"Go back to bed," he said quietly, waving her back into their bedroom.

"Is everything okay?"

He shook his head, but said nothing. "Just don't worry about it, it's nothing."

"If you say so," she didn't sound convinced, but let fall none the less, turning around and going back into the bedroom, the door making a soft clicking sound as it closed behind her.

He sighed, and loped to the living room. As he sank into the couch, he went through both of the conversations he'd had with Taichi, unable to make sense of any of it. He puts on a good show, but not good enough. I guess it never occurred to me that he might let his pride cloud his judgment like that.

He leaned back, sinking further into the leather beast of a sofa. He seemed so torn, though, between his pride and what I know he wants. He shifted uncomfortably. I won't deny that I've been most of the problem, but now he's just making it worse. Something dawned on him then. Usually I'm the hard headed one. This is different then, very different. Yamato sat up straight. This is so much deeper than I thought...

"You know I want more than anything to get this whole mess sorted," Taichi said quietly, in response to Daisuke's mumblings.

"Then stop being such a hard-headed twit," Daisuke stated bluntly. "And what about that vow to tell him if you ever got a chance, huh?"

"I-" Taichi searched hastily for a retort and found none. "-I don't know."

Daisuke shook his head sadly. "This might be a good time to figure that out."

"I know," Taichi began softly. "Its just.. I don't know, a wall, a mental block or something.."

"Those can be dealt with if you try hard enough," Daisuke said quietly, voice thick with personal knowledge. "Its also something that no one but you can do anything about."

Taichi nodded, but didn't say anything more. He glanced at Daisuke, who gave him a pointed look before standing up.

"As much as I would be overjoyed to continue this discussion of your woes," Daisuke began, with a hint of sarcasm. "Its late, and I think we both need some sleep."

"Yeah," Taichi agreed, though he wasn't really listening, just hearing his friend's voice as he slipped deeper into his own thoughts. "'Night then."

Daisuke nodded and left the room. When Taichi heard the soft click that meant Daisuke had just closed his door, he moved from the chair he'd been slouched in to the couch beside it. Sprawling himself over the couch, he gave himself over to his thoughts.

A wall. He never thought there was anything like that keeping him from telling the truth before. It makes sense though. I know I had about a million and half chances to tell him before we even graduated from high school. Taichi had always convinced himself that he'd never had an appropriate time to say it, but thinking about it now, he knew that wasn't true. How many times was I alone with him? He knew the answer to that. Too many to count.

He sat up, too anxious to stay still any longer. He remembered then what had been said at the beach that evening, and found himself wishing he hadn't said much of what he did. Is it really too late to fix things, to change the situation we've cornered ourselves into? He decided quickly that he didn't believe that. I don't think he was convinced that I believed it, either. Yamato hadn't been convinced of much of what Taichi had said, now that he thought about it; somewhere inside his mind Taichi was glad of that.

Taichi shifted uncomfortably as he remembered what Yamato had said before leaving the beach. He's not going to just go away again. Taichi shuddered, as an understanding of what that could mean dawned on him. He's going to back me into a corner, make me tell him. Taichi sagged into the back of the couch, his thoughts darkening. I'm just can't tell him. I've built a wall that I can't break, that's too tall to climb over. I've locked my feelings away too long. Taichi blinked, bringing a hand up to touch a cheek that was now wet with the trail of new tears.