Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ Chasing God ❯ In Reference to Tomorrow ( Chapter 4 )

Chasing God

By: Vain 3.22.2002 ~ 4.20.2002

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This story is for Nemesi-san's KaiSuke / KenSuke contest and is a replacement fic for "Metanoia."

I do not own Daisuke, Ken, Stingmon, Flamedramon, or Digimon. The Walt Disney Corporation-the Dark God of Animation-now holds claim to them. Moreover, I am not making a profit on this.

The poem, Eros Turannos (Tyrannical Love), was written by the great Edwin Arlington Robinson. In reference to the poem, Daisuke would be the "she" while Ken is the "he."

The plot, per usual, is wholly mine.

This story is a DaiKaiser (no, that isn't a typo *steals the term "DaiSer" from Jekka*) and contains naughty language, violence, SHOUNEN-AI, SEX, and a tiny bit of extremely mild BD. There're also some light Sting/Flame overtones. This is a love story, peeps-nothing more and nothing less. Get over it or leave now.

While I like this fic a great deal (*smirks* It's my first Kaiser ficcie. ^___^V), this is a one-shot. THERE WILL NOT BE A SEQUEL TO THIS.

Flamers are morons, but if you really think that it's validating for your self-concept, then flame away, jackasses. Let it never be said that I don't have my humanitarian moments.

As for the real readers, I'm terribly sorry if I disappointed you in discontinuing "Metanoia" (*hides from the Raptor and Meimi* thank those two for making me feel bad enough to crank this out ridiculously fast ^^;;), but this should more than make up for it. ^_^

Special thanks go to the transcendently impressive Jekka-chan for being kind enough to beta for me. *turns into puppy-Tsuzuki-like-Vain and glomps Jekka* Sankyuuu!!!!

~ Please review and enjoy the fic. ~

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[A/N2: Jyou is slightly OOC. 1) This is 02 Jyou-he's grown up a bit since 01. 2) I like my Jyou. If you don't like him, that's just too damn bad. ^_~ ]

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"The falling leaf inaugurates

The reign of her confusion:

The pounding wave reverberates

The dirge of her illusion;

And home, where passion lived and died,

Becomes a place where she can hide,

While all the town and harbor side

Vibrate with her seclusion."

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Movement Four

~ In Reference to Tomorrow ~

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Everything was blurry. He knew that Jyou had come out of the 'Port right behind him and he had seen the others in the room, but somehow his body had decided to do things its own way and he had just kept running past them and out of the school. He ran until a sharp pain in his side made him stumble and fall down. It was only then that he realized he was crying and once he knew that, it just seemed to get worse until he couldn't even move. Moving hurt too much.

Why had Ken done that? Why had he looked so . . . alone? It was getting really hard to think straight.

His head ached and he realized with a chill that he had left Demiveemon in the computer lab. The goggle boy pushed himself up, sniffling, and turned around to retrace his steps. He didn't want to face the others-to face Jyou-but he couldn't leave Veemon behind. They were partners.

He turned and began to trudge back towards the school. His head hurt and his face was throbbing madly where Ken had hit him. Ken . . . Tears slid down his cheeks and he wondered if he would ever be able to make them stop. Ken had not only tried to hurt him, he had tried to kill him. To actually kill him. The sheer wrongness of the situation made it hard for his brain to understand it.

Ken had tried to kill him.

Ken had tried to kill him.

Ken had tried to kill him.

It shouldn't be that hard to understand . . .

But Ken loved him. . . . Didn't he?

"You're all I think about! I can't sleep, I can't work, I can't even breath without thinking of you! You torture me constantly and I can't take you because you'd be miserable here with me and I can't just leave you alone because I can barely breath when you're not near me and it hurts so much!!! You are killing me, Daisuke!"

Daisuke stopped walking and leaned back against a tree and buried his face in his hands. Sobs shook his body. Ken had tried to kill him. Ken had tried to kill him because that was the only way he could kill himself. He didn't know how he knew that, but he did, and all he could think of was the way Ken's body kept shaking and that gentle expression that he would get in his eyes only when he looked at Daisuke. Because he loved Daisuke.

Sometimes thinking of Ken made his teeth ache.

A car horn beeped suddenly and Dai jumped and looked up. His face was red and his eyes felt grainy.

A blue car had pulled up to the curb next to him and a young man with short blue hair and glasses was sitting behind the wheel watching him with interest. Jyou was sitting next to him in the passenger's seat with a small and dejected looking Demiveemon in his lap.

The blue-haired teen rolled down the window and stuck his head out. "Get in. We'll take you home."

Daisuke nodded miserably and walked over to the driver's side. He pulled the door open and collapsed into the seat, nearly smacking his head on the roof of the car as he did so.

Jyou twisted around and handed him his book bag and then passed him Demiveemon. "This is my brother, Shin," he said with a wave at the driver as he turned around and put his seatbelt back on. "He was going to come pick me up anyway. It's a good thing he was actually early this time."

Shin shot his brother a playful glare and then looked up at Daisuke in the rearview mirror. "Hey. Ototochan's told me a lot about you, Daisuke."

Daisuke grunted and hugged Demiveemon close to him. "Sorry," he whispered to the top of the creature's little blue head. Demiveemon nodded and the boy realized that he was crying.

Shin started the car silently and slowly pulled away from the curb.

"Thank you," Daisuke said.

Shin and Jyou both nodded.

"Hey, Jyou?"

The teen didn't turn around. "Yah?"

Daisuke licked his lips nervously. "Jyou . . . How much did you hear?"

"I heard it all," he responded simply. "I saw it all."

"Did you . . .?"

Shin took a right turn at the corner and Jyou twisted in his seat so that he could look at Daisuke. He pushed his glasses back up on his nose. "I didn't tell the others. I just lied and said that you and Kaiser got in a fist fight and you lost and were upset." Daisuke flushed red beneath the bruise on his face as Jyou continued. "We need to talk though."

Daisuke stared down at his tennis shoes. "What do you want me to say?"

Jyou's forehead wrinkled as he thought for a moment. "I don't know. I don't know what to think about any of this. We knew you were acting weird, but we never thought-"

"Please don't tell the others! They'll hate me! And it wasn't anything like they'll all think!" Jyou pulled back slightly as Daisuke reached up to grip his shoulder. "Please! It isn't any of their business."

Jyou blinked owlishly behind his glasses for a moment and then sighed. "On two conditions."

Daisuke swallowed hard.

Jyou tugged his shoulder free and turned back around. "One: you'll meet me at the café near the Subway stop tomorrow and, two: you promise not to go back to the Digital World until after you've told me everything."

Daisuke shot Shin a startled look at the mention of the Digital World, but the young man appeared to be enthralled by the red light they had just reached.

Seeing the boy's gaze shift, Jyou shrugged. "He knows."

"Oh . . ."

"So what's it going to be?" The younger Kido turned back around and Daisuke shrank back slightly at the sudden hardness in his eyes. "I don't like being in this position, but I know you're not as stupid as you act sometimes, so I'm assuming there's a reason for what you've been doing. And I don't want you or any of the others getting hurt until I know what that reason is. Don't get me wrong, Daisuke: I'm not real happy with you and I don't like keeping things from the others. But I trust you and I know that you would never intentionally do anything to endanger them. So how about it? Do we have a deal?"

The light turned green.

Daisuke nodded. "Thanks," he whispered.

Jyou turned around. "I'm not doing this for you. I'm doing it for everyone. This could hurt everyone, even split up the team. There's no way you guys can win like that."

"This wasn't about the team," Daisuke murmured.

"Do you think that they'll understand that?"

They finished the ride to Daisuke's house in silence.

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Jun ran a hand back through her hair as she poured over the latest issue of New Teen Scream Magazine hunting for pictures from the last Teenage Wolves concert. It was a meaningless gesture-both Motomiya children had inherited their father's completely unmanageable brown moptop-but she did it anyway. Sometimes she envied those girls with long flowing hair like Daisuke's friend Miyako. They were always twirling it around their fingers and squeaking on and on about something useless. Jun could not twirl her hair around her fingers, so she ran her hands through it instead.

Besides, twirling just made a girl look like an airhead.

"Ishida Jun . . . Motomiya Yamato . . . Oh, I like that!" The eldest Motomiya giggled as she found a good picture of tow-headed lead singer to cut out. She cut the paper carefully and then suddenly hesitated when she reached Matt's hair.

The scissors slid out of her hands, tearing the photo of Matt in half. The girl stared at the torn picture silently for a moment before quietly closing the magazine and putting it on her desk. She'd finish later. Maybe.

Jun shook her head and scowled. "No point in getting depressed, Motomiya," she chided herself. "Crying never fixed anything."

Her words sounded small and forced in the silence of her room and she pulled a Hong Kong Knife CD from her bookshelf. Moments later "Love Me" was blasting out of the small, over-worked speakers of her mini boom box.

She pulled out her history book and sat down in the large green armchair that occupied one corner of her room. History was her favorite subject and she needed a distraction right now.

Halfway through the collapse of the Teraichi Masatake cabinet, a timid knock on her door interrupted her. She sighed and turned the page. "Come in, brat!"

Daisuke pushed the door open and stuck his head in. "Mom's going to the store. Do you want anything?"

The girl didn't look up. "Tell her I'm outta hairspray, pink fingernail polish, that American lipstick she got me last time, I need two rolls of tape, three magazines-she knows which ones-and that you ate all the chocolate and strawberry pocky sticks."

"Okay."

Jun looked up at the soft sound of his voice. Daisuke never spoke softly unless he was very upset. She couldn't even count the times that that snotty Hikari girl had upset him so much that he wouldn't talk for hours. She wasn't fond of Hikari.

"Get back here, squirt," she ordered as Daisuke started to close the door.

He opened the door again and entered the room, keeping his head down and not meeting her eyes. The door closed behind him with a soft click.

Jun frowned darkly and closed her book. "What happened?"

Daisuke slumped down on floor next to her bed and shrugged noncommittally. His brown eyes stayed locked on her sunshine yellow comforter.

"Daisuke . . ." It was a warning.

"Nothing," the boy muttered, shifting uncomfortably beneath her gaze.

"Riiiiiight," she drawled. "You're a terrible liar, runt. Now tell me what's wrong or I'll take all your dirty socks and underwear out of the laundry and stuff them in your pillow case again."

It was not an idle threat. The first time she had done that, Daisuke had given up on ever getting the smell out and just bought another pillow.

Her brother smiled and looked up. She scowled when she saw a dark bruises on his cheek. "Were you fighting with the boys on the baseball team again, Dai?"

He shook his head and his smile crumbled a little as tears began to slide down his cheeks.

Jun stared for a moment. Sure, Daisuke cried. In fact sometimes he cried a lot. But he never ever did it in front of other people. Ever.

"Dais-"

The boy suddenly threw himself into her arms and started to sob. "Ken and I had a fight!" he wailed into her shoulder.

The elder Motomiya wrapped her arms around her brother gently and stroked his hair. "About what?"

Daisuke shook his head and she held him for several minutes until he cried himself out.

"Dai . . .?" He trembled in her arms. "What happened? Why did he hit you?"

"I don't know," he whispered miserably.

Jun's mouth tightened. Maybe she'd have to sit down with this Ken kid after all . . .

"I think . . . I think I hurt him somehow."

She ran her long fingers through his hair and rubbed his back soothingly. "Why do you think that, Dai? Did you say something to him to hurt him?"

The boy shook his head. "I think I scared him."

"How?"

"I dunno. I made him feel something I guess . . ."

Jun blinked in confusion, feeling lost. "Feel? Everybody feels something, Dai. Why would he get upset because-"

Daisuke pulled away from her. "Because he loves me."

She laughed at the earnest look on his face. "Midget . . . You're just a kid. You don't know what love is."

He turned around, a hurt look on his face. He looked so different like that: bruised and tearstained, earnest and hurt. It was so completely different from his loud boisterous nature. She had never seen her brother like that and somehow felt guilty for not knowing this part of him.

"Have you ever been in love, Jun?"

Her smile drooped a little. "I . . . of course not. But-"

His eyes narrowed angrily. "Then just how the hell would you know?"

She stiffened and felt like she had been struck.

Before she could reply, the boy stormed out of her room, slamming the door behind him. The after wind of the door made the magazine flip open and Ishida Yamato's torn glossy picture stared up at the ceiling, a perfect smile fixed on his two dimensional lips. Jun's eyes flickered to the photo and then to the door through which her brother had vanished.

She didn't follow him.

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Ken sat slouched in his throne, his bloodshot eyes fixed on a small digital clock just below the main monitor on the wall. The red numbers made a faint clicking noise. 12:04 AM. 12:05. 12:06. 12:07. He couldn't move.

The only other sound in the chamber was Stingmon's soft breathing. It was a soothing rhythm that did not change or vary. It had been his only companion since Stingmon had returned him to the base. If the Champion had not shooed the slaves out, Ken probably would have killed every last one of them when he awoke.

As it was, he attacked the first thing readily available: Stingmon. The digimon bore his master's fury with silent dignity, the same way he bore everything else. Even though his armor shielded him from Ken's blows, both with his whip and his fists, he had no protection from the Kaiser's shrieks and curses and they had hurt more than any lash stoke ever could. Seeing that his attacks were having little effect, Ken then turned his wrath to the monitors, destroying most of the ones that had survived his previous temper tantrum.

Once he was too exhausted to even stand, the boy had staggered up the dais to his throne and collapsed in the seat. His hair continually fell across his face, refusing to return to its spikes, and his eyes burned horribly, but he was too drained to cry.

That had been six hours ago. Six hours of silence. Six hours that hadn't seemed to pass at all save for the incessant clicking of the clock on its perfect sixty second cycle and Stingmon's soft, whispery breathing.

He hurt. Everywhere. Everything. Swallowing, blinking, exhaling . . . every move felt like a thousand tiny needles being shoved through his skin from the inside out and his tongue felt thick and swollen in his mouth. There was a strange white noise in his ears, like a television that had lost its cable connection, and he felt hot and cold in flashes. His fingers and toes tingled.

12:08. 12:09.

The Kaiser tried to scream, but it came out as a strange gurgling noise that got caught in his throat and couldn't seem to find its way out of his mouth. If he could have moved, he probably would have done something drastic-something terrible-but his body refused to obey him. A few tears worked their way out of his red, slightly swollen eyes. When they hit his skin, it felt like a knife was being drawn down his cheeks and he wanted to brush them aside, but simply couldn't move his arms that far.

12:10. 12:11. 12:12.

The tears stopped as suddenly as they started and Ken's face ached fiercely where the liquid had evaporated. He moaned, a stronger sound this time, and Stingmon rose from where he had been crouched in for the past six hours.

His muscles ached fiercely after being still for so long and he towered over his human for an instant. Long, surprisingly gently claw-like finger brushed the boy's limp hair from his face and Ken moaned again at the sensation. It felt like someone was running a round saw blade across his skull.

"Ken-chan . . ."

The boy did not react to the sound of his name.

The digimon knelt down at his side. "Ken-chan," he whispered urgently. "This has to stop. You have to stop this. You have to go to Daisuke and apologize and stop this right now. You cannot be the Kaiser and have Daisuke. One of you has to give and it can't be Daisuke."

The boy's eyes rolled slightly back in his head and for a moment it looked like he was going to pass out. "I can't . . ." he whimpered.

Stingmon could not suppress the growl that rumbled in the center of his chest. "Ken!"

"I can't . . ." It looked like he was going to cry then, but instead he dropped his head so that his long hair covered his face. "I can't. I can't," he whispered over and over again, clinging to the words as though they were the only things to stop him from drowning in himself. "I can't."

The champion dropped his head so that his fore head was pressed against the crown of his master's head. The boy's pain was so tangible he could smell it on him. "Please, master. . ."

The child heaved a dry sob and then cried again at the pain the movement sent through him.

"I can't."

Stingmon wrapped his arms around the throne as though he were actually holding the child to him with the motion. He cursed his inability to cry. He cursed his inability to help his human. He cursed a universe and Guardians that could allow this rare and shockingly fragile creature to live like this. And he cursed himself for not being there when his partner's world had shattered and for not being able to put the pieces back together.

"I can't," the child whispered a final time in despair.

"I know, Ken-chan."

12:36.

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The day was warm. It was the perfect kind of day to play soccer in the park or to go to Hikari's house and pest Gatomon and Hikari and maybe to pry some cookies and stories about the original Digidestined out of Taichi. Daisuke was doing none of those things.

Instead, the leader of the neo-Digidestined was walking down the street with a blue duffle back slung over his shoulder towards a small café. For him, it was something similar to walking out to meet a firing squad.

Demiveemon twitched and wiggled around in the duffel bag. He wished Daisuke would let him out. It was hot and he was itchy and Daisuke just hadn't been himself since . . . yesterday.

And he missed Stingmon. The virus's inability to defy his master had hurt Demiveemon deeply. But if their situations were reversed and it was Daisuke, wouldn't he have done the same thing? He didn't know.

"Daisuke!"

"Just a few more minutes, little guy." The human's voice sounded muffled coming from outside the thick fabric of the bag.

The in-training twisted around. "Why don't we just go talk to K-" He stopped himself before he could say the name. Dai just couldn't bear to hear that name right now. "I'm sure it was an accident," the digimon continued hastily. Even he could hear the lie in his voice. "Stingmon would never do anything like that and-"

"We're almost there, so you're gonna have to be quiet, okay bud?"

Demiveemon grumbled worriedly and settled down again. After a few more moments of swaying, the air grew noticeably warmer and the sounds of people and the smell of coffee filled the air outside the bag. There came the usual bumping as the bag was set on the floor and then after a moment he could hear Daisuke say something.

"You came."

"Mmm."

"I wasn't sure if you'd come or not."

"Sit down, Daisuke."

"Have you told the others yet? I mean because if you have-"

Jyou didn't say anything and Demiveemon held his breath. The others would never understand. He didn't even understand really. All he knew was that Daisuke understood and that was more than enough for him. Hikari, TK, Miya and Iori would not be as forgiving though.

There came a clicking noise that Demiveemon recognized as a teacup being placed on polished wood. Daisuke drank a surprising amount of tea.

"No." Jyou sounded tired. "I kept my promise. Now sit down. You have to keep yours and tell me why I shouldn't turn you over to them."

"But they'll kill me-"

"They'll do no such thing. They might want to, though."

"Please don't tell them! I mean, I know how bad this looks, but I can explain, really I can and-"

A sigh. "Daisuke?"

"Uh . . .Yeah?"

"Stop babbling and explain. I'm not going to rat you out. Not yet at least."

"Oh . . . I guess I should start at the beginning then?"

"Preferably."

"Well, you remember the whole Bakemon thing, right? When Ken captured the others and made me think that he was gonna feed them to Deltamon that day after the soccer game?"

Demiveemon growled softly at the memory of being forced to humiliate his partner like that. No matter how Daisuke felt about Ken, that particular incident would always make the digimon's skin crawl.

"Yes."

"Well, uh, a couple of nights later I went to the Digital World with Veemon to get even and uh . . ."

" . . . And uh what?"

"Things . . . got out of hand."

"What do you mean, 'got out of hand?' "

"I promised him I wouldn't tell."

For a long moment there was nothing but silence, then: "Fair enough. But can you at least give me an idea?"

"Um . . . we, uh, kinda. . . . Er, that is we . . ."

Demiveemon blushed pink at the memory.

"You didn't . . ."

" . . ."

". . . Was it consensual?"

"Yes! Oh, god yes! It was-"

"I don't want details, Daisuke."

"Sorry."

The little digimon wiggled around, trying to find a spot where he could still hear and was more comfortable. He winced as one of his flippers got stuck in something beneath a mass of sweatshirt.

"Do you have any idea what you've gotten yourself into, Daisuke? Any idea at all?"

"But-but it's not like that at all . . ."

Demiveemon grunted and jerked his arm away from the offending shirt, looking annoyed. He rubbed the pinched flipper in consternation.

"You . . . actually trust him . . .?"

"I . . . No and yes."

"I beg your pardon?"

"It's . . . different than that . . . better, I guess . . ."

"Daisuke . . . He tried to KILL you."

Demiveemon flinched and he somehow knew that Daisuke did the same.

"But . . . He didn't really mean to do it. I mean, he had a reason . . ."

"And how do you know that?"

". . . Because he had to . . ."

"You do realize that he's insane, don't you?"

"He is not! He's just confused and-"

"And it wouldn't matter to you even if he is. Because you're in love with him."

Daisuke's voice was a whisper. "But he loves me too."

"Oh, Daisuke . . . What a mess this is . . ."

And then suddenly Demiveemon's bag was picked up and he was swinging again. Jyou's voice sounded startled. "Dai? Daisuke! Where are you going? Daisuke?"

Daisuke's voice sounded like it normally did when he had made up his mind on something and Demiveemon's small heart leapt at his next words. "I'm going to go see my Ken-chan."

"I'll tell the others."

Daisuke stopped walking and for a moment he didn't say anything. "Jyou . . . You're my friend aren't you?"

"Yes."

"Then don't tell them. This isn't about digimon or the Digital World or the others. This is about me and Ken and me and Ken have to work this out ourselves or else . . ." He choked on the words and his voice cracked a little. "Or else I'll never really know."

". . . . Then for the love of god, Daisuke-kun, be careful."

Jyou didn't say anything else and the air got cool really quickly, so Demiveemon knew they were outside. They walked for a few minutes and then Daisuke spoke. "Do you really think he loves me, Dems?"

Demiveemon's small blue forehead wrinkled as he considered this. "Well, Stingmon says he does and Stingmon wouldn't lie. So he has to love you."

"Then why . . ." He could hear Dai's voice crack again and he wished he could climb out of the bag and comfort his partner. "Why did he try to hurt me?"

The digimon's ears drooped. "I dunno, Daisuke."

When the human replied, his voice was filled with resolve again. "Then let's find out."

Demiveemon smiled. Ken. Ken and Stingmon would explain this. They would make this all okay again; they always did. Daisuke would be back to normal in no time.

He hoped.

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