Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ Deep As You Go ❯ Return to Me ( Chapter 5 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Disclaimer: I own nothing! Nothing at all! (Except a stuffed Gomamon who sits atop my computer and provides me with muse. And I think he might be possessed by evil spirits.)

Author's Notes: Look, I'm not quite dead yet! Sorry for the long wait (ah, it was only about two months. That's not too long...right?) I was on winter break for about a month and as such, computerless. Plus I haven't been in a big writing mood lately due to too much college stuff and this is one of the chapters that only had sketchy plans for. I'll try to be a lot quicker with updates next time.

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Daisuke approached his Japanese history class with some trepidation. He hadn't seen Ken since his one-time friend had kicked him out of his room. Daisuke wasn't sure what to expect when he entered class.

What he saw was Ken, sitting in the same corner spot he had been in before. He was sitting very calmly, his hands folded and his eyes focused on the blackboard. There was a scar on his cheek and his hands were covered with small cuts. Daisuke couldn't see any more of Ken's skin due to the coat, but he had the sinking suspicion that there would be more cuts hidden under the long sleeves of the coat. He took half a step towards Ken, who immediately turned his head and fixed Daisuke with a look so cold and unforgiving that he froze in his tracks.

No! Daisuke shook his head. I can't let him do this to himself. I fought the Digimon Kaiser, didn't I? If I stood up to Ken in his worst psychotic mood ever, I can handle him now. Compared to the Kaiser, Ken's just having a hissy fit. I can do this.

The stakes are too high for me to run away.

Steeling himself, Daisuke started resolutely towards Ken. The other boy continued to glare at him, but Daisuke wouldn't let himself be deterred. He brushed Ken's backpack off the empty chair and sat down beside him. Ken pointedly turned his head away.

"I'm not just going to disappear," Daisuke said to him in a low voice. "And I'm not going to give up either. I don't care if I have to hound you all year, Ken, I'm going to make you talk to me."

"I already talked to you," Ken growled. "And I told you to leave me alone. I don't want anything to do with you."

"I'm not going to accept that."

"That's not my problem." Ken's head whipped around to face Daisuke as the other boy grabbed his hands. Ken tried to pull away, but Daisuke held his hands tight.

"What did you do to yourself?" Daisuke asked softly.

"Dropped a mirror," Ken murmured evasively, still trying desperately to pull away. "It's nothing you need to worry about. Let go."

"You're lying." Daisuke's chocolate gaze locked with Ken's impenetrable violet one. "Ken, you have to tell me what's wrong! I-I want to be your friend again. I want you to be happy again."

"Maybe I am happy," Ken countered through clenched teeth.

"Then why haven't I seen you smile once since I came back?"

"Because with you hounding me like this, I have nothing to smile about!" With a burst of strength, Ken pulled his hands from Daisuke's grip. "I hate you, don't you understand that? I. Hate. You. Hate you. I don't want you anywhere near me. Don't touch me, don't talk to me, don't even look at me!"

Daisuke's mouth fell open, but before he could gather himself enough to reply, Ken had looked away again and Dr. Tsuwari had entered the classroom.

Daisuke quickly lowered his head and took a moment to compose himself. Ken's words had stung deep, but he couldn't let them get to him. Ken didn't know what he was saying. He'd regret it later. Daisuke couldn't let himself be deterred from that which was most important : getting Ken back to normal.

Ken was barely even listening to the professor. His head was bowed, and he was afraid that if he looked up he'd see Daisuke giving him that damn compassionate stare again. He couldn't take that stare.

The Kaiser was right, Ken thought, his face twisted in self-derision. I am letting him get to me. I promised that I wouldn't but....damn it, can't he just leave me alone? He wasn't here when I needed him. He's lost all right to keep--to keep doing this to me. He left me to make my own choice, and I've chosen, so why can't he leave me be?

He could still feel Daisuke's gaze burning into him and he concentrated on drawing circles in his notebook.

Damn him...even now, he's the only thing in my thoughts...

Almost immediately Ken straightened up and focused on the professor. That unwelcome thought was enough to banish all images of Daisuke from his head.

"...You will all work in groups of two," Dr. Tsuwari was saying. "This project shouldn't be too difficult research-wise, though you'll likely need to spend at least a few hours in the library. And I expect you to work with your partner. I don't want two different presentations in one. As for groups..." She paused and looked around the room, her lips moving as she silently counted. "Perfect. We have exactly twenty people in the class. Since we haven't had enough time for you all to get to know each other I'll simply put you in groups. It would probably easiest if you worked with the people next to you. That means, for the front row, Akari and Kaori, Aoshi and Meimi, Daisuke and Ken..."

Daisuke's eyes lit up and he glanced at Ken, who was trembling lightly.

"Takeo and--"

Dr. Tsuwari was interrupted by the sound of Ken slamming his hands down forcefully on his notebook.

"Do you have something to say, Ichijouji-san?" Dr. Tsuwari asked slowly.

"I won't work with him," Ken said in a low voice, anger boiling behind his calm appearance.

"I'm sorry, Ichijouji-san, but I have given you a partner and you will work with him. This project is important for your final grade, so--"

"I'll fail then," Ken stated. Without waiting for a reply he swept up his notebook and backpack and stalked out the room. There was silence as everyone stared after him, disbelieving.

"I--I'll go stop him," Daisuke said hurriedly and ran out after his one-time friend.

"Ken!" Ken was halfway down the hall when he heard Daisuke's voice. He quickened his pace. "Ken, wait!"

Daisuke broke into a run as Ken made a beeline for the elevator.

"Come on, come on..." he muttered as he waited for the doors to open, one eye on Daisuke's rapidly approaching form. As if answering his plea, the doors opened. He stepped in and tried to close the doors, but Daisuke was too quick and managed to slip in just before the doors closed.

"I can't believe you did that!" Daisuke exclaimed, pressing the emergency stop button. The elevator halted.

"Why can't you just leave me alone?" Ken lunged for the button to start up the elevator again, but Daisuke caught his arm.

"Ken, just listen to me. I--" Daisuke stopped, the words caught in his throat. Ken was staring at him out of baleful violet eyes, and for once the goggle boy realized that some subtlety was required. "All right, never mind. You don't have to listen to me and you--you don't have to be my friend."

"Damn straight," Ken growled.

"But the professor put us in a group together," Daisuke said. "And we can't get out of it. So can you just work with me? I promise, we'll only need to meet once, in the library. And it'll be all business. I won't try to make you do anything you don't want to."

Ken was silent, considering. Daisuke gave him a pleading look.

"Please, Ken? It's just one project. Nothing big."

Damn him to hell, Ken thought, bowing his head. Those blasted eyes still get me. Why? I can turn away from my own face in the mirror, I can close my eyes to block out the specters that surround me, I can even banish Osamu's bloody corpse from my memory...but why am I still weak when faced with those eyes...that voice....that heartbeat...

"Very well," Ken choked out, hating himself more with each word. "Just this once, and that's all. And Daisuke..." With an effort Ken raised his head and mustered the Kaiser's gaze. "After that, we're finished. You mean nothing to me."

"Right," Daisuke said, even though he knew it was a lie.

Ken nodded and Daisuke started the elevator again. When they reached the first floor and Ken moved to exit, Daisuke suddenly grabbed his arm again.

"Wait. Aren't you gonna, you know, come back to class?"

"Give Dr. Tsuwari my regrets," Ken sneered. "Tell her I found something more important to do." With that, he exited the elevator and stalked off down the hall.

Daisuke sighed as the doors closed. He pressed the button for the third floor, and leaned back, running a hand through his hair. Things were not going well.

I definitely need to talk to Wormmon... he thought. I think this has started to get serious.

~~~~

After class, Daisuke returned to his room to find it empty, though Takeru had left him a note on his desk.

"The school therapist called. She wants you to call her and make an appointment for later this week."

"The therapist?" Daisuke scratched his head. That's weird. Maybe she has to do an annual sanity test or something. Putting down the note, he pulled his D-3 off his belt and stared at the computer.

"All right, here goes." Daisuke took a deep breath. "Digiport, open!"

After a moment of familiar disorientation Daisuke found himself lying on the grass in the Digital World. He sat there for a few moments, simply enjoying the feel of the soft grass and the cool wind which was blowing. He hadn't been to the Digital World for several weeks.

"Daisuke!" He sat up to see V-mon rushing towards him. Somehow the little Digimon always knew when Daisuke was coming for a visit, even if he didn't say anything about it.

"Hi pal!" Daisuke greeted him.

"What are you doing here? I thought you had school." V-mon made a face on the last word. He didn't like being forced to remain in the Digital World.

"Got a bit of an emergency," Daisuke explained. "I need to talk to Wormmon. Think you can find him for me?" V-mon's face fell.

"Ken, huh?"

"How'd you know?" Daisuke asked.

"Wormmon's been really upset." V-mon explained, leading Daisuke towards a small enclosure of trees. "Ken hasn't been to visit in forever."

"So you've talked to him?"

"Yup." V-mon nodded. "He doesn't talk much, though. He's afraid that Ken might have..." V-mon's voice trailed off.

"Might've what?"

"....Forgotten about him." V-mon turned wide eyes on his partner. "You wouldn't forget about me, would you, Daisuke?"

"No way!" Daisuke assured him. "You're my partner! I couldn't forget you."

"Even with college and everything?" V-mon still looked worried. "Because Wormmon was afraid that you'd all forget and then maybe we'd all disappear and--"

"That won't happen," Daisuke said. "None of us have forgotten about you. It's just that Ken's.....I don't know. He's all different. I need to see if Wormmon can help me figure out what's wrong."

"He should be over here somewhere." V-mon led Daisuke through the trees to a small lake. "He usually hangs around here. I come and visit him to try and cheer him up."

"Daisuke?" A familiar voice came from behind them. Daisuke and V-mon turned to see a miserable looking Wormmon come out of the bushes behind them. "I don't suppose....Ken-chan isn't with you, is he?" He sounded so despondent and Daisuke couldn't help but feel sorry for the little Digimon.

"I'm here because of Ken," Daisuke said. "He's...."

"Different." Wormmon shook his head. "I know. He--he was very sad. I tried my best to cheer him up, but he wouldn't listen....and I could see dark shadows all around him, shadows like the Kaiser...."

"I know," Daisuke said in a subdued tone. "I know." He sighed. "What I don't know is how it happened, or how to fix it. Can you think of anything? When did Ken start acting funny?"

"Right--right after you left." Wormmon suddenly looked nervous. "He said.... I can't tell you."

"Why not? Was it important?" Daisuke prompted.

"I promised Ken-chan I'd never tell," Wormmon replied, looking intently at the ground. "I can't break my promise."

"But it might be important!" Daisuke argued.

"I can't." Wormmon shook his head and looked up at Daisuke. "You know I can't break a promise I made to Ken-chan. I just...can't."

"But--" Daisuke started, but V-mon cut him off.

"You wouldn't want me to spill your secrets, would you?" the blue Digimon asked.

"Well, yeah, but..." Daisuke sighed and ran a hand through his spiky hair. "All right. You don't have to tell me anything Ken told you not to. But is there anything you can tell me? Anything at all?"

"Ken-chan was....upset, when you left," Wormmon said slowly. "He told me he felt alone, like he was the only one in the world, like even the sun had abandoned him. He just kept getting worse every time, and then the last time...." Wormmon paused. "The last time he didn't say very much at all. I asked him a question about you, and about something I can't tell, and he looked at me. His eyes were burning with anger and for a second I thought he was going to--to hit me. But he didn't. He just turned away and said 'Good-bye, Wormmon.' I haven't seen him since." He glanced up at Daisuke. "Does that help you?"

"Kinda." Daisuke sighed. When he spoke, his voice was strangely subdued. "It really is all my fault, isn't it?"

"No," Wormmon said firmly. "It's mine for not--"

"It's nobody's," V-mon said testily. He looked up at his partner. "Don't be upset, Daisuke. I'm sure you'll fix things."

"Yeah...." Daisuke managed a weak smile. "I--I guess I better get back. Takeru and everyone'll wonder where I went." He turned to leave, V-mon at his side.

"Wait." Wormmon's voice made him turn. "I....Take me with you. I want to see Ken-chan again."

"You sure?" Daisuke asked. "I mean, I don't think Ken'll be too happy to see you, not with the way he's been actin' lately..."

"I know," Wormmon said. "But.....I miss him." Daisuke's face softened.

"Me too. Come on."

Takeru was sitting at the computer when Daisuke came tumbling pout, landing straight in his lap.

"Uh, hey, Takeru!" Daisuke said sheepishly. Takeru dumped him on the ground, one eyebrow raised.

"Field trip?" he said dryly, then noticed Wormmon righting himself on the floor. "Wormmon? What're you doing here?"

"He wanted to see Ken," Daisuke explained. Takeru looked troubled, but all he said was,

"Oh." There was a moment of silence before Takeru spoke up again. "Oh, Daisuke, the girls wanted me to ask you. One of the Frat houses is having a party tonight and we thought we'd all go. You in? It might cheer you up."

"Well...okay!" Daisuke got to his feet. "Will you be okay in here without us, Wormmon?"

"Sure, the Digimon replied, settling himself under the bed.

"Good." Takeru smiled. "I think we all need a bit of a break. And we'll need you to help us wrestle Iori away from his studying."

"Yeah." Daisuke sounded cheerful enough, but his eyes were troubled.

I guess it wouldn't hurt to have a little fun, and to think about something besides how to help Ken. And there's not much else I can do for him today, since he won't even talk to me. Daisuke nodded to himself. Yeah. After all, I can't help Ken if I'm all depressed and stressed out and stuff. And what harm is there in going to a party?

~~~~

Ken stared out the open window at the darkened evening sky. The Kaiser had already been and left, incensed about Ken's latest failure in his quest to avoid Daisuke.

And he should be mad. I was weak. I should never have agreed to work with him, grade or no grade. But, as always, I gave in like the weakling I am. I gave in to those damn compassionate eyes, let him ensnare me with his blasted pity.

His lip curled in disgust, and he turned away from the window. Grabbing his coat, he turned and stalked out the door.

There has to be some sort of party on campus tonight. I feel the need to get good and drunk.

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Gee, could that be foreshadowing I smell? Review an' all that, and I'll try to get the next part out in less than two months this time.