Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ Deep As You Go ❯ Take Me As I Am ( Chapter 6 )

Disclaimer: I own nobody and nothin'. Except the plot, angst, and my muse Xellos the stuffed (and quite possibly possessed) Gomamon.

Prerequisite yaoi warning: Just warning you agsin because there is actual yaoi-ishness in this chapter. If you don't like that, then why are you even reading this fic?

Author's Notes: Consider this my apology for being so late with the last chapter. Not only do we have a swift update, but I believe this is one of my longer chapters. Plus we have yaoi goodness, some nice angst, some more fun foreshadowing, and, depending on how one measures these things, I'd say I pretty much earn the R rating in this chapter. No, nothing overly explicit (Kaiser: Not yet, anyway. Me: Shut up! I've told you, no lemons! I've never written a lemon and I will not ruin a perfectly good fic with a badly written lemon! Kaiser: Spoilsport.) but still, yaoi goodness. Enjoy ^_^

-----

Daisuke sat down on the faded brown couch, smiling happily. He was glad he had agreed to come to the party. It felt good to forget about all his troubles for once and just have fun.

Miyako and Hikari squeezed on the couch next to him, Miyako nearly spilling her cup of Sprite all over Daisuke. Takeru and Iori perched on the arms of the couch, their backs against the wall. When they had first arrived Miyako had insisted that they all dance and so they had, but an hour had passed and now they were tired out and content to sit and talk.

"Look at all the boys," Miyako gushed. "I love college parties!" She smiled and took a drink from her cup.

"Are you sure there's nothing in there?" Daisuke teased her, and she slapped him.

"Don't worry," Hikari assured him. "I've kept an eye on her drink the whole time. But I think the punch is spiked."

"Why did anyone bother?" Iori grumbled. "What with the tower of beer cans they have set up." He glanced disapprovingly towards the refreshment table, where some enterprising Frat boys had dutifully created a small castle out of beer cans. It had been larger originally, until some drunk had decided the bottom cans looked better than the top ones and had sent the whole thing crashing down.

"I wonder where they got all those," Takeru mused. "It seems like every time someone takes one another appears to take its place."

"I dunno about the beer," Daisuke said, "but I think I see cookies over there! Guard my seat, okay?" Daisuke happily bounced to his feet and started navigating his way through the dancing crowd towards the refreshment table.

"Jackpot!" He rubbed his hands together in glee as he spied the pile of chocolate chip cookies sitting just to the right of the beer. "Lesee here," he murmured as he started gathering up cookies. "I should get one for each of the guys, but Miyako'll probably want two or maybe three, and Iori might not want one because he's like that, but I'm real hungry so I should make sure to get enough for me too and--aw, screw it." He stuffed a few into his mouth and gathered some more into his hands before turning to make his way back through the crowd. As he stepped away from the table he thought he saw a black shadow sweep over from a corner of the room, but by the time it occurred to him to turn and get a better look there were already people blocking his view. Daisuke shrugged and started walking back towards the couch.

When he got there, he found that Takeru had taken his seat and was chatting to the girls.

"Hey!" Daisuke objected. The moment he opened his mouth the cookies fell out, and he scrambled to catch them, dropping some of the ones in his hands on the floor. After a moment he managed to get his hands on as many as he could before sheepishly offering them to the rest of the group. "Uh, cookies anyone?"

"Daisuke, that's gross!" Miyako said. "Some of those were in your mouth!"

"But not all of them," Daisuke argued. "C'mon, I got them for you guys! Hikari?"

"No thanks," Hikari said politely.

"No way," Miyako said.

"Guys?" Takeru and Iori shook their heads, and Daisuke shrugged, looking pouty. "More for me then." He sulkily tossed a few into his mouth and nearly choked.

"Ooh, I love this song!" Miyako suddenly jumped to her feet. She turned to scrutinize the three male members of the group and then grabbed Iori and pulled him towards the dance floor. "Come on, Iori, you can dance with me."

"Ah, um, Miyako-san...." Iori's protesting voice was drowned out by the music. Hikari sighed and smiled at Takeru.

"Dance with me?" she asked.

"Sure." Takeru got up, then noticed Daisuke and paused. "Um, Daisuke..."

"It's fine." Daisuke plopped down on the couch. "I don't really like to dance."

"Are you sure?" Hikari asked.

"Yeah, it's cool. Go on." Daisuke waved the two of them away. They disappeared into the crowd.

Daisuke sighed, leaning back and closing his eyes. Suddenly, he heard a soft voice call his name. Daisuke's eyes snapped open and he stared in surprise at the person standing before him.

"Ken?" Daisuke blinked a few times to be certain that he wasn't seeing things. Ken was watching him with an almost predatory glare. Daisuke suddenly understood when he saw Ken drop a beer can at his feet. He's totally drunk!

Ken didn't seem to mind that he was completely out of it. He leaned down and took Daisuke's hand, pulling him to his feet. Daisuke was unable to resist, caught spellbound in the glittering violet eyes.

"Dance with me," Ken said in a low voice. His breath stunk of alcohol and something else Daisuke couldn't quite identify. A strange thought struck him. Like lilacs and the stench from a tomb....

Ken led him out through crowd of people into an adjoining room. This room was much smaller and the people were packed closer, but it didn't quite matter, as most couples were practically entwined together. Daisuke could tell at a glance that half the occupants were as drunk or drunker than Ken. For a moment he tried to pull away, but Ken held his hand tight.

"Shhh...." Ken ran a hand along Daisuke's cheek. "Don't go yet."

"I....Ken, I....." Daisuke didn't quite know what to say. The song that had been playing stopped and a new one came on.

"Just one dance," Ken promised, pulling Daisuke closer. "It's all I ask."

"I--I--" Daisuke gulped, then, for reasons even he didn't understand, he nodded. "Right."

Ken led him towards a corner of the room, where there were less people and they could move freely. Daisuke wondered for a moment what the rest of the room's occupants would think to see two boys dancing together, then decided that they all were probably too drunk to care. Around them the music played.

Daisuke shivered as Ken wrapped his arms around his neck and ran a finger down his back. Their bodies were pressed so close together than Daisuke could feel the heat from Ken's flushed cheeks. Slowly Ken disentangled himself and turned in a slow circle, then pushed himself up close against Daisuke. Daisuke felt his breath catch in his throat as Ken entangled his fingers in Daisuke's.

"Ken...." The word was a mere whisper of protest. Daisuke found himself caught up in watching, feeling, Ken move in time to the music.

"Don't speak," Ken murmured, his eyes half-closed. He seemed barely aware of what he was doing. Daisuke felt himself freeze as Ken ran a hand under his shirt.

"W-what...." Daisuke couldn't get out the rest of the sentence. Ken's hand removed itself, only to find a new home running through Daisuke's hair. Ken pressed his body up against Daisuke's, swaying hypnotically. Daisuke could feel his friend's chest rise and fall as he breathed.

Daisuke wasn't even aware of anyone else anymore. He mesmerized, a fly caught in a spider's web, entranced as he watched Ken's body move. The room around him was a blur, and he felt almost detached from his body. Part of his brain was screaming at him to think for a moment about what he was doing, but that part was drowned out by the feelings rushing through his body. Almost unconsciously he wrapped an arm around Ken's waist. Their eyes locked, and Ken's predatory grin widened.

The music abruptly stopped, and Daisuke returned to reality with a jolt. He felt the blood rush to his face when he realized that he was leaning against the wall and that Ken was practically draped over him.

"I--I--" Daisuke's mouth opened and closed, but no more sound came out. Ken stared at him for a moment, then ran his fingers over Daisuke's lips.

"One dance," he said softly. "That was all I wanted." He turned to walk off.

"Ken?" Daisuke called out to him and Ken half-turned. Daisuke shook his head. "Never mind." Ken shrugged and walked on.

Daisuke stood there for over a minute, his mind reeling. His eyes followed Ken as the other boy wove through the crowd. As Daisuke watched, a larger boy with brown hair stopped Ken and said something to him. Ken replied and the two walked out into the center of the room together. Daisuke quickly left, suddenly finding himself unable to watch.

"Daisuke!" As he returned to the main room, Takeru and Hikari ran up to him, with Miyako and Iori running along behind them.

"Oh, uh, hi guys," Daisuke said.

"Where'd you go?" Takeru asked.

"Takeru's friend Tsuyoshi said he saw you go into the other room with some girl." Miyako gave a sly smile. "Do you have a secret girlfriend, Daisuke?"

"I do not," Daisuke pouted, his cheeks turning red. "I was just--I--" He broke off. I was what? Dancing with Ken? Who was drunk and practically giving me a lapdance?

"Hmm...." Miyako gave him a searching gaze for a moment, then nodded. "Nah. I can't see you with a girlfriend."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Daisuke demanded. "I could have a secret girlfriend!"

"Sure you could."

"I could! I was dancing with a girl, wasn't I?" Well, okay, not a girl per se, but if she's gonna make fun of me....

"So you were with a girl!" Miyako said triumphantly. "Who was it? Do we know her? Are you guys dating?"

"I'm not telling," Daisuke sniffed. "You teased me."

"Don't be so nosy, Miyako," Hikari broke in before Miyako could threaten Daisuke with bodily harm. "I'm sure Daisuke would tell us if he was dating someone."

"Right," Takeru backed her up. "Anyway, enough about him. I'm tired. Let's go see if we can find another place to sit. The couch is probably taken by now."

They found some chairs near another wall and settled down to talk. Daisuke managed to deflect any and all questions about the 'girl' he had danced with, though his attention continually drifted to the rest of the room as he tried to catch a glimpse of Ken.

He wasn't sure how much time passed before he saw Ken again. The other boy was still talking with the brown-haired boy he had run into after leaving Daisuke. Ken's companion seemed to be more or less sober, but Ken was weaving dangerously as he walked, held on course only by his hand tightly clasped in that of his companion. As Daisuke watched, the other boy led Ken to the door and they left the party.

"I--I gotta go," Daisuke announced suddenly, standing up. The others glanced at him in confusion.

"Daisuke? Is there something wrong?" Hikari asked.

"I thought you didn't have anything else to do tonight," Takeru said.

"I--I forgot about something. I really gotta go."

"Are you sure?" Miyako asked. "Come on, it's not gonna kill you to stay a little longer. We're all probably going to leave in another hour or so."

"I really gotta leave now," Daisuke said. "I'll see you guys tomorrow, okay?"

"But--"

"See you!" Without waiting for anyone else to object, Daisuke darted across the room and ran out the door.

~~~~

Wormmon stirred from his place under Takeru's bed. He carefully crawled out into the middle of the floor and glanced out the open window.

"It's getting late," he murmured. "I wonder where everyone is?"

As he stared out the window, he wondered what Ken was doing. Maybe he's at that party that Daisuke and Takeru went to. I could've gone with them and seen him....

"No," Wormmon decided, shaking his head. "Ken-chan doesn't usually like parties. He's probably in his room, lonely in the dark...." The thought made his heart ache. My Ken-chan's all alone. He needs me there. To make him happy.

The Digimon's eyes traveled back to the window. It was open. He could climb out, find his Ken-chan. Surely nobody would see him, not this late. And Daisuke had told him the name of Ken's dorm, Akai Hall. He had said that it wasn't far. Surely Wormmon could find it and figure out where Ken's room was.

"I'll do it," he decided. "I can't wait for Daisuke to come back. I'm going to go find my Ken-chan and cheer him up."

With that, he carefully climbed out the window and down the side of the building. After a quick check to make sure that no one had seen him, Wormmon hurried off into the night.

~~~~

"Ken?" Daisuke stood on the steps of the Frat house, feeling suddenly stupid. What had he been thinking, running out after Ken like that? It wasn't any of his business what Ken did. If he found out that Daisuke had followed him, he'd be livid once he was sober.

Daisuke stood on the steps a few moments more, shifting nervously. So now what do I do? I can't go back inside....

He sighed and decided that there was nothing else to do but go back to his dorm. He stepped out onto the grass, then froze as he heard a soft moaning sound coming from the shadowed side of the house. Daisuke took a tentative step towards the shadows.

"Ken?" he ventured hesitantly. There was another moment of silence, then a soft noise. Carefully Daisuke walked over into the darkness and peered around the corner.

Ken was pinned up against the wall by the brown-haired boy he had left with. Ken's coat was half off, revealing the scarred flesh on his bare arms. He was engaged in a very deep kiss with his companion. One of the brown-haired boy's hands kept a tight hold on Ken's arm. It took Daisuke a moment to realize that Ken's belt was undone, and that the brown-haired boy's other hand was down Ken's pants.

Daisuke felt rage overtake him. He knew that Ken's companion was barely drunk, if he was drunk at all. He was taking advantage of Ken, and there was no way Daisuke was going to stand there and watch.

In a flash he crossed the short distance between them, aiming a punch right for the other boy's face. The brown-haired boy went sprawling to the ground.

"What the hell are you doing, man?" he yelled at Daisuke.

"What do you think you're doing?!" Daisuke demanded. He couldn't recall the last time he had been this angry. "Can't you see how drunk he is, you bastard?"

"So?" The other boy got to his feet. "I should call security on you, jerkwad."

"Go ahead," Daisuke challenged. "I'll tell the nice officers what you were doing with someone who's obviously totally out of it. I hear jail's nice this time of year." That quieted the other boy.

"Hey man, I don't want any trouble," the brown-haired boy said.

"Get out of here," Daisuke growled. "And if you touch him again, I'll--I'll break every bone in your body!"

"Whatever." The other boy raised his palms in a 'calm down' gesture as he walked past Daisuke and backed out of the shadows. "I'm leavin', okay? Geez, overreact much?"

Daisuke didn't even bother to watch him leave. He immediately turned to Ken, who was still pressed against the wall, apparently unaware that his assailant had even left. He was staring at Daisuke with a blank, detached stare that sent shivers down the goggle boy's spine.

"C-C'mon, Ken," Daisuke said, taking a step towards him. "I'd better help you back to your room."

Ken nodded slowly, but made no move to zip up his jeans or put his coat back on. After a moment, Daisuke stepped forward and gently touched Ken's arm.

"Aren't you cold?" he asked. Ken stared at him, then nodded again and proceeded to fix his clothes. Daisuke stood back, his worried eyes examining the small cuts on the skin of Ken's arms. When Ken was ready, Daisuke offered him a hand, which Ken took without a word.

"Come on," Daisuke said softly. The two walked together along the empty streets of the college, Ken leaning heavily on Daisuke. They were halfway back to Ken's dorm when Ken spoke for the first time since Daisuke had saved him.

"Daisuke," he murmured, almost drowsily. "It is you, isn't it? I forget sometimes.. sometimes I imagine things that aren't there, but I can't touch them. I can touch you, so it must be you, right?"

"Yeah, it's me," Daisuke said. "How do you feel?"

"Like I'm not here," Ken said. His words were still somewhat slurred, and his eyes were vacant. "But that's nothing new. I'm never really here, not like before.... it's like I'm only attached to the earth by a thread, and it's getting weaker each day...." He lapsed into silence. Finally Daisuke spoke.

"Ken....those scars on your arms...."

"I cut myself with the shards of a mirror," Ken told him. "It was stupid of me. I'm always stupid." He gave Daisuke a bleary sideways look. "I should have used the knife."

"Knife?" Daisuke felt his heart clench in sudden fear. With an effort he managed to keep his voice steady. "You have a knife?"

Ken nodded, seemingly unaware of what he was saying.

"In my desk drawer. I stole it, you know. The Kaiser told me to steal it, because it was sharp and would cut well and I needed it." Ken stumbled a bit and Daisuke caught him. "He said I should take the handcuffs too, but I didn't. The knife was sharp enough."

"Sharp enough for what? And what do you mean, the Kaiser?"

"I talk to him. He's the only one who loves me." Ken's voice was faint. He seemed to be walking as if in a dream. "He told me to take the knife, because I needed a sure way. Nothing I have could cut through skin so well. I didn't cut well enough last time." His vacant eyes stared into Daisuke's. "Because there are times when I think I'm just a living ghost, and I get sick of it. Then I can take the knife and feel the edge and weigh my decision again, and decide if I feel like living another day. Someday I won't, and then I'll be ready. So I need it."

"N-no. No, Ken, listen, you don't need that." Daisuke could feel panic welling up inside of him, and he had to swallow hard to keep himself from freaking out completely then and there. He whirled and put his hands on Ken's shoulders, staring him full in the face. "Ken, I know you're drunk and all, because otherwise you wouldn't be telling me any of this, and you probably won't remember any of this tomorrow and if you do you'll be mad and hate me again and all, but you have to listen to me. You--you don't need that knife. It's not good and there's something happening to you and I'm not sure what but...." He trailed off. Ken's eyes had taken on a strange tint. The other boy's pale hands reached up and gripped Daisuke's wrists. "Wh-what are you....?"

"Do you want to stop me?" Ken purred. He leaned forward, and his fevered breath touched Daisuke's teeth as he spoke. "Just one taste..."

And then Ken kissed him.

Daisuke's first instinct was to pull away, but the very something which had held him during Ken's dance held him now. He found himself melting into Ken's kiss as the other boy opened his mouth slightly and their tongues intertwined.

Daisuke's hands fell from Ken's shoulders. He wrapped an arm around Ken, pulling him closer. One of Ken's hands ran through his hair and pulled him even nearer as the two melted into each other. Ken's other hand snaked down, under Daisuke's jeans, touching the bare flesh.

At that soft touch, rational thought suddenly came screaming back into Daisuke's head. What the hell do you think you're doing?! Daisuke's eyes snapped open and he instinctively pushed Ken away. The embrace was broken and Ken stumbled back, nearly falling to the ground.

"I--Ken, I--" What were you doing? his mind screamed. Ken's drunk! He hasn't a clue what he's doing and you--you took advantage of him! You don't even think of him like that....

Do I? Daisuke wondered for a moment, but then his conscience began to rail at him again. Were you ever planning on stopping him, you pervert? Or were you going to do to him what you stopped that other boy from doing?

"No!" Daisuke yelled aloud. His eyes alighted on Ken, who was standing on unsteady feet a few inches away. The other boy's face had resumed its impassive stare. "Ken....Ken I'm sorry...."

Ken shrugged and held out his hand again.

"Are you going to walk me home?" he asked, his tone casual, as if nothing had happened.

"I--I, uh, well.....I guess." Nervously Daisuke took Ken's hand again. The two didn't speak the whole trip back to Ken's dorm.

~~~~

Wormmon had finally found Akai Hall. He looked up, wondering which room was Ken's. Daisuke had said that it was on the second floor, but Wormmon had no way of knowing which room was his. With no other option, he climbed up the side of the building and began looking into windows.

He was just peering into one darkened room when the door opened. Wormmon ducked out of sight just in time to see Daisuke escorting Ken inside.

"Careful," Daisuke murmured as Ken swayed, nearly falling. "We're back in your room, Ken. I think you'd better rest, okay?"

Ken blinked up at him, barely comprehending. Daisuke guided him towards the bed and helped him lie down, removing Ken's coat as he did so. He absently draped the coat over a chair.

"Will you stay with me?" Ken murmured drowsily.

"S-sure. 'Till you're asleep." Because when you wake up you'll have a bitch of a hangover and if I'm still here you'll be pissed at me. Daisuke walked towards the window. "I'll open the window and let some fresh air in, 'kay?"

Ken mumbled something unintelligible in response. Daisuke sighed and moved to open the window.

Wormmon quickly scuttled down below the window, suddenly worried that Daisuke would see him and take him away. He needn't have worried. Daisuke opened the window and quickly turned back to Ken.

"Ken?" he ventured. There was no answer. Daisuke leaned forward to get a better look at his friend. Ken's eyes were closed and his breathing was even. He was asleep.

"I know you're gonna hate me even more for this," Daisuke said softly to the sleeping boy as he began to open Ken's desk drawers. "But I can't just do nothing this time."

He opened the bottom drawer and finally found what he was looking for. Inside the drawer was a wicked-looking knife. As Daisuke lifted it carefully he examined the other curious contents of the drawer. Inside was what appeared to be the Kaiser's whip, lying side-by-side with Ken's crest of kindness. The crest was covered in a thin layer of dust. Next to the two objects was what appeared to be a letter inside an unmarked envelope. Daisuke curiously reached for it, then pulled his hand back.

I'd better not. I mean, I'm taking the knife for his own safety, but I don't really have any right to read whatever's in there. And if Ken somehow figures out I read it I'll never convince him to be my friend again.

Not like I have much chance of that anyway, after tonight.

Daisuke visibly wilted at the thought. Wrapping the knife in his coat, he tucked it under his arm and carefully tiptoed out of the room, closing the door behind him.

Once the door was closed, Wormmon clambered in through the window. He hopped to the floor beside the bed and stared up at the sleeping Ken. Even in the dim light of the moon he could see the tiny scars on Ken's arms and the unhealthy pallor of his skin.

Ken-chan....I knew you needed me. Why didn't you come and tell me things were so bad?

Not wanting to wake Ken up, Wormmon settled himself down under Ken's bed. In the morning they would talk, and hopefully everything would be right again. Wormmon closed his eyes and fell into a peaceful sleep.

----

Foreshadowing, take two! The next chapter likely won't be quite as long or out quite as quickly, but it all depends on homework and creative muse and stuff.