Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ Digi-Trigger ❯ Hell Hath No Fury Like A Hamster With Bat Wing Ears ( Chapter 2 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Dino VO: So I finally arrived at the Millennial Fair to find out that my battle demonstration was
canceled on account that Gatomon was a flop just like all of Yukon's other inventions. So
instead, I decided to visit Yukon and watch her exhibit, but I sort of fell asleep on the way. That
turned out alright, however, cause I met this really pretty girl named Susan, and I took her to
meet Yukon who was unveiling her latest invention, a teleportation machine. However, unlike
Yukon's other inventions, the Telepod worked, and prompted Susan to give it a try as well.
Unfortunately, Susan's tag and crest reacted with the machine and caused her to be sucked into
this strange portal. Now I'm finding myself repeating the process in order to follow Susan to
who knows where! And I thought today was going to be boring . . .



Digi Trigger- Episode 2: Hell Hath No Fury Like A Hamster With Batwing Ears.



Hawkmon and Armadillomon thought it was a quiet enough spot. Nobody ever went into
Moose Canyon, what with the war between the Humans and Digimon. The perfect local for a
nice, quiet game of ball, with no worries of being attacked.
That still didn't mean that surprises weren't around the corner. In fact, as their little
game started, a blue portal happened to open up nearby and drop a 18 year old boy wearing a
blue gi and goggles onto the unsuspecting Digimon.

Dino: Ow! Man, talk about your rough landings! [Rubs hip.] Hey, what's this I'm sitting on?

Hawkmon: That would be my beak.

Dino: Augh! [Jumps back.] A Digimon! [Un-sheaths katana and points it at Hawkmon.]

Hawkmon: For heaven's sake, put that dreadful thing away, you could hurt someone with it!

Dino: That's kind of the point.

Armadillomon: You humans 're so jumpy. You so much as see a Digimon and think they're out
to kill ya.

Dino: You mean, the two of you weren't going to attack me?

Hawkmon: Gracious, no! We were just playing a game of ball, that's all!

Dino: Oh, well, sorry then. [Sheaths sword.] By the way, could one of you tell me where I am
exactly?

Armadillomon: Why, you're in Moose Canyon, of course.

Dino: Moose Canyon, huh? [Thinking] Looks like Susan's pendent didn't affect the machine as
much as we thought after all. Still, I better ask about Susan, I might not have been sent to the
same place as her, after all. [Aloud.] Hey, you two haven't seen any other humans around here,
have you? Like a this pretty girl, around my age a height, with dark purple hair and wearing a
white outfit with no sleeves or straps, have you?

Hawkmon: Nope, can't say that we did. Although there were a group of humans searching about
here a few minutes ago. They said they found someone and were taking her back to some place.

Dino: [Thinking] Aha! That must have been Susan! [Aloud.] Could you tell me where they went?

Armadillomon: Why, down to the town at the base of the mountain, of course.

Dino: [Thinking.] Good, that means she's probably already back to the fair, then. [Aloud.] Well,
thanks a lot, and sorry for falling on you, and sticking my sword in your face! [Turns to leave,
but pauses momentarily.] Oh, and can I ask one more question? Why is this place called Moose
Canyon, anyway?

Hawkmon: Oh, the answer to that question is simple, my good man. It's because its populated by
wild Moosemon, like that one over there!

At that moment, a wild Moosemon appeared and chased Dino all the way down to the
town at the base of the mountain. Although battered, bruised, and tired, Dino was still alert
enough to tell that something was different about Moose Village. For one, all the decorations,
shops, and exhibits that populated the town during the Millennial Fair were gone. Second,
Moose Village was a lot smaller, and to make matters even more confusing, S.E.G.'s Bell was
missing! Greatly confused, Dino stepped into a local tavern, where he planned to ask some
questions and get some answers. Upon entering, however, he found himself with more questions
to ask, like why were there so many people wearing armor, and why the people were all dressed
in such out of date clothing?

Dino: Hey, uh, excuse me, bartender! Could you tell me what's going on here?

Bartender: What? You mean to tell me that you don't know?!

Dino: Hey, if I knew, then I wouldn't be asking. So tell me, what happened to the Millennial
Fair?

The bartender gave Dino and skewed look.

Bartender: What they heck are you talking about? Millennial Fair? Why would we be having one
of those?

Dino: Cause it's the year 1000.

Bartender: (Oh great, another crazy.) Listen, mac, I don't know what kind of practical joke is
being played on you, but this aint the year for no Millennial Fair, its only the year 600!

Dino: S-s-SIX HUNDRED!?! [Thinking.] No way! It can't be possible! But- if its true then that
means . . . [Aloud.] I've gone four hundred years into the past!?

So shocked by this latest discovery, Dino was unaware that he'd been heard by everyone
in the tavern. They all looked at him like he was some sort of madman, and guessed that he was,
due to his strange attire. All the while Dino sat at the bar, contemplating his predicament, people
would look, point, and laugh at him. However, one person was intelligent enough to see that
Dino was confused as heck, and mocking him wasn't the thing to do.

Techa: [Sits next to Dino.] Hey there, kid, you okay? You look pretty shaken.

Dino: Huh? Oh, yeah, I guess I'm okay.

Techa: Yeah right. Look, you can't fool ol' Techa over here, something's eating ya. So come on,
spill. What's the problem?

Dino: Um well, perhaps you could help me out with something. See, I'm looking for someone-

Techa: Ah, aren't we all. That special someone, who's worth sacrificing everything for, someone
who you love so much that-

Dino: No, I mean a friend of mine that's missing.

Techa: Oh! Right, of course, silly me! Though you aren't the only one looking for a missing
person. As it turns out, the king of Odaiba is searching for his wife, Queen Sarah Elizabeth G.
(S.E.G. for short.) Seems she's been missing for days since she went to this strange chapel in the
east, and...

Random Person: Actually, Techa, they've found the queen.

Techa: Eh? What do you mean?

Random Person: A group of knights searching for Digimon refugees found her wandering around
in Moose Canyon earlier today. They said she looked kinda strange, though.

Dino: [Suddenly gaining interest.] Really? How so?

Random PERSON: Well, they found her wearing these strange clothes that they've never seen
her with before, and her hair was done in a high ponytail instead of its normal style. That, and
she also said strange stuff, something about a Millennial Fair and nonsense like that.

Dino: [Thinking.] Aha! That must have been Susan they found! But, why would they confuse her
with Queen S.E.G.? Unless . . .

Something about the situation didn't seem right to Dino, and he knew it was because
there was an important piece of information that was missing from the puzzle. One that he was
sure that he knew. If he could only remember what it was, and when he'd heard it, he could
make sense of it all. His mind wandered back to the previous, er, future morning. Something
Susan had told him:

Susan: [In a hollow, distorted, flashback kind of voice.] My name is Susan, and it isn't a name I
just made up on the spot in order to conceal my true identity as King Odaiba's runaway daughter
Princess Nadia who's running around the millennial fair so that she can have fun for once in my
I mean her life and not have to worry about servants and people always following her and being
bothersome my name is Susan and not Princess Nadia so don't think that I am because I'm not
Princess Nadia I am Susan DO YOU UNDERSTAND!?

And then, it hit Dino like a ton of bricks.

Dino: That's it! Susan is actually Princess Nadia!

Techa: Huh? Susan? Princess Nadia? What are you-

But Dino didn't wait around to explain himself. Suddenly realizing that the reason why
the knights confused Susan with Queen S.E.G. was because Susan was actually a descendant of
the famous queen, he knew that he needed to get to Odaiba Castle, and fast! The travel time
between Moose Village and Odaiba Castle would have been several hours on foot, but by
utilizing my omniscient narrator powers, I'll take Dino there in an instant, just to cut down on
time.

Dino: [Suddenly in front gates of Odaiba Castle.] Wow, thanks!

Don't mention it.

Guard Kat: Halt! Who goes there?

Dino: Uh oh.

Guard no Miko: Seems like we have a trespasser in our midst!

Guard Kat: You think he's a member of Myotismon's army?

Guard no Miko: Really, Kat, does he look like a Digimon to you?

Guard Kat: Well, there is that hair of his.

Dino: Hey, I'm no Digimon!

Guard no Miko: Eh, even if he was a Digimon, he'd never make the cut to be in Myotismon's
army.

Guard Kat: Yeah, go home and play with your toys, junior!

Dino: Junior!? Why you-!

Voice: Stop this at once!

Guard no Miko & Kat: [gasp] Queen S.E.G.! [They kneel.]

Queen S.E.G.: [Walking down the steps.] Just what are the two of you doing, harassing this poor
person?

Guard no Miko: Well, we thought he looked suspicious, and-

S.E.G.: I demand you stop this at once! This young man happens to be my friend.

Guard no Miko & Kat: What!?

S.E.G.: He helped me while I was lost! Show him sone respect and let him in!

Guard no Miko & Kat: Y-yes your majesty!

S.E.G.: [Giggles and walks away.] Come along, Dino, my 'husband' wants to see you!

Although a bit confused by the previous events, Dino knew better than to object to these
orders. Besides, he needed to see if this queen they found really was Susan. So, he followed the
"queen" into the throne room of the castle, where he was promptly greeted by the king, Odaiba
the XXI.

Odaiba 21: Ah, welcome traveler! I hear that you're the one who rescued my lovely wife?

Dino: Gee, uh, I don't know.

Odaiba 21: Huh? What do you mean, you don't know?

S.E.G.: Why of course you know, silly! [Laughs nervously.] I'm sure he's just tiered from the
long journey. After all, he was probably worried since he didn't know the knights found me a
brought me back home! [Laughs nervously again.] Um, why don't I take him up to my room so
that I can bring him up to speed on what happened when you found me?

Odaiba 21: Splendid idea, Sarah. You may bring him back down when he's good and ready! I'll
wait for the two of you until then!

S.E.G.: Thanks a bunch! [Grabs Dino by the arm.] Come on Dino!

Dino: Could somebody at least tell me what's going on?

Queen S.E.G. dragged the confused teenager by his arm all the way into her room, where
she immediately shut and locked the door behind them.

S.E.G.: Whew, that ought to keep them out for a while.

Dino: That's nice, but what's with all the secrecy?

S.E.G.: [Giggles.]

Dino: Huh?

S.E.G.: Surprise!

Dino: ?

S.E.G.: It's me, Susan!

Dino: Susan? Is that really you?

Susan: Of course it is, silly! Although I will admit, I'm probably difficult to recognize in this
frilly dress and with all this makeup.

Dino: Aha! So I was right! Those knights mistook you for Queen S.E.G. because you look so
much like her, due to the fact that you're really her great-great-great-great-great-great-great-
great-great-great-great-grea t-great granddaughter, Princess Nadia!

Susan: [In shock.] Wh- how did you figure out I was the princess!?

Dino: Well you did state that fact in an entire run on sentence trying to convince me that you
weren't Princess Nadia, despite the fact that I'd made no mention of it before in the last episode.
Plus, when you first appeared, the name indicator next to your lines said Princess Nadia, not
Susan. I tend to notice these things.

Susan: Oh, I see. Well, I'm sorry I lied to you Dino. It's just that, I thought that if I told you who
I was, you'd turn me in to my father.

Dino: What, of course not! I'd never do such a thing like that!

Susan: Yes you would.

Dino: Alright, so I would. But, if I'd known you were such a nice girl, I wouldn't have!

Susan: Thanks, Dino, you're so sweet! [Kisses Dino on the cheek.] And even though it isn't my
real name, please, do you think you could still call me Susan?

Dino: [Blushes.] Of course!

Susan: Yay!

Dino: One thing still bothers me, though.

Susan: Huh?

Dino: You're the princess of Odaiba kingdom in our time, correct?

Susan: Yes.

Dino: And Queen S.E.G. was the queen during this time period, right?

Susan: Uh-huh.

Dino: And King Odaiba XXI never had a second wife, right?

Susan: Not to my knowledge.

Dino: And during the year 600, the Humans and Digimon fought a war with each other, and
Queen S.E.G. was captured by the Digimon during that war, correct?

Susan: Yes, but what's your point?

Dino: Well, I'm not gonna pretend to be an expert on time travel or anything, but if this is the
time in which Queen S.E.G. was kidnaped, and they think that you are her, then they must have
called off the search, meaning that the real Queen S.E.G. won't be rescued. My question is, if the
real Queen S.E.G. is never rescued, and she and King Odaiba XXI never have children because
of that, wouldn't that mean that you've just successfully wiped yourself out of existence?

Susan: . . . . Oops.

In an instant, Susan vanished from sight, leaving nothing in her place, save for the large,
frilly dress she'd been wearing.

Dino: Yep, looks like I was right about that too.

And now we'll make a scene jump to the stairway that Susan dragged Dino upwards just
a few seconds ago. There's no reason for it, really, just thought I'd move the story along.

Guard Kat: Hey, you can't go up there!

Guard no Mko: Queen S.E.G. and her new friend are up there!

Dino: Huh?

At that moment, who should run around the bend but Yukon, racing in order to escape
from the two guards. Unfortunately, she ran right into Dino, knocking him over, and causing the
two of them to fall backwards into the two guards, and then all four of them tumbled down the
staircase and get boo boos.

Dino: Ow . . . second time today!

Yukon: Dino! I'm so glad I found you!

Dino: Yukon! You came after me after all!

Yukon: But of course! You didn't think I was about to let my best friend disappear into the past
now, did you? [Pauses for a second.] Don't answer that. Anyway, did you find Susan?

Dino: Uh, yes and no.

Yukon: What the heck is that supposed to mean?

Dino: Well, I found her masquerading around as Queen S.E.G., but she then disappeared into
thin air right in front of me. I mean, real X-Files type here one minute, and poof! Gone the next!

Yukon: Oh no! I was afraid of this! [Stands up and begins pacing around frantically.] Dino, I
don't know if you're ready to hear this, but this Susan girl you hooked up with, is actually
Princess Nadia of the Odaiba Kingdom!

Dino: Yeah, I know.

Yukon: Now, I know it's a sho-WHAT!?

Dino: I figured that out earlier in this episode.

Yukon: [Blinks.] Oh. Well, uh... [Thinks for a moment.] Well, you must be wondering what
happened to Susan at least.

Dino: You mean that she inadvertently wiped herself out of existence by making sure that Queen
S.E.G. and King Odaiba XXI never have children because Queen S.E.G. wasn't rescued from the
Digimon?

Yukon: Damn, is there anything that you DON'T know?

Dino: Not anything that's relevant, no.

Yukon: [Sulkily.] Well, looks like my most important lines in this episode have been tossed out
the window.

Dino: No time for feeling sorry for yourself, Yukon, we have to fix Susan's blunder by rescuing
the real Queen S.E.G.!

Yukon: You're right Dino! Let's go!

As Yukon and Dino ran off to locate the real Queen S.E.G. and return Susan to existence,
the other two, unfortunate people who fell down the stairs finally regained consciousness.

Guard no Mko: Someone? Anyone? A little help here?

The hardest part about rescuing Queen S.E.G., realized Dino and Yukon, would be
finding out where the Digimon were hiding her. Yukon thought it'd be best to start off the search
with Sarah Elizabeth's last known whereabouts, a small, quaint cathedral a few miles east of
Odaiba Castle. They hoped that someone there would have some insight on the queen's
whereabouts. The nuns in the Cathedral knew something alright. However, it turned out that the
duo ended up getting more than they bargained for.

Dino: The nuns, they're all . . . Digimon!

Yukon: They're all around us!

Floramon 1: Now we've got you, you mangey little humans!

Floramon 2: You thought you could spoil Yarekumon's ingenious plan to kidnap Queen S.E.G.
by rescuing her, but now we're gonna eat you instead!

Dino: Not if I have anything to say about it! [Whips out katana.] Take this, you overgrown
geranium! [Slashes at a Floramon 3, killing it.] Hah!

Floramon 4: Not so fast! [Steals Dino's katana.]

Dino: Hey, gimme that, it's mine! Gimme! [Begins jumping up and down like a bratty little
child.] Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme!

Yukon: Don't worry, Dino! I'll handle this! [Whips out a small bazooka which she uses to take
out Floramon 7 and 10.] Hah hah! Double points! Nobody can stand up to the awesome power of
my Wonder Shot! (Patent Pending.)

Floramon 8: Oh yeah! [Takes Wonder Shot from Yukon.]

Yukon: Oh no!

Dino: We're doomed.

It seemed all was lost for our brave (if not a tad bit stupid) heros, which is a shame too,
since that cuts this fic down quite a bit. Although I guess that's not such a bad thing, since it'll
alleviate all the time I'd have to spend on this thing. Hmm... now that I think about it, maybe I
should let the Floramon kill Dino and Yukon now, and get it over with. Yeah, that'd work out
fine for me! But what about the people reading this? Hmm... they might want to actually read a
parody of Chrono Trigger that covers the entire game. And plus, there are a bunch of characters
who have yet to appear in this thing. Bah, who cares about them? Wait a second, I'M one of
those character who has yet to appear! Man, what am I going to do!? On the one hand, I'd have
all this free time opened up by quitting this fic, but one the other hand, I wouldn't be able to do
the mandatory self insertion bit! Damn, decisions, decisions, de-

Yukon: Would you just shut up and continue writing the story already!?

Oh, right, sorry! Anyway, it seemed as if the end for Dino and Yukon was near. However,
I decided that I'm going to continue this fic to the end, and so I'll now insert a new character
who was 'hidden in the shadows' the entire time, in order to save them.

Mysterious Voice: Unhand those children, wretched monsters, or I shalt kiss thou hides with the
blade of my weapon!

Floramon 5: Oh no! It must be one of the royal knights, sent to kill us!

Suddenly, a form dropped from the rafters. It was a small, hamster-like creature with
batwing shaped ears, dressed in an oversized, blue cape, khaki colored pants, blue boots, and a
royal purple tunic. The small creature felt confident in itself, especially since he'd taken the
Floramon by surprise, and therefor had the upper hand. With a smirk, he repeated his treat to the
Digimon, and withdrew his oversized (for him, anyway) sword in order to get his point across.
Unfortunately, his appearance didn't strike fear into the hearts of the Floramon. In fact,
they began laughing out loud, finding this tiny, cute creature's appearance to be quite funny in
that getup, even funnier was that the tiny puffball thought that he could threaten them.
Unfortunately for the Floramon, this newcomer was not just making an idle threat. And now he
was mad for being laughed at. The combination was not a good one. In an instant, the tiny
hamster-like creature sprung forward and began hacking and slashing at the Floramon,
mutilating some and hacking the heads off others, and just making a large mess. When all was
said and done, all of the remaining Floramon had disintegrated, leaving nobody by Dino, Yukon,
and the creature itself in the cathedral.

Newcomer: I told them that I was gonna stick it to them! But did they listen, nooooooo! [Turns
to Yukon and Dino.] Forgiveth my intrusion, but I could not just sit around and let those foul
monsters kill the two of ye. It is imperative that ye knowest that letting thy guard down is letting
the enemy in.

Dino: Okay, but what's that supposed to mean.

Newcomer: I have not the foggiest idea.

Yukon: [With hearts in eyes.] Oh! Isn't it just the cutest thing you've ever seen!? I mean, its just
so small, round, and adorable! [Rushes up and hugs the newcomer tightly.] I could just hug him
and squeeze him and love him all day! [Nuzzles the newcomer.]

Newcomer: [Bites Yukon's hand to get her off if him.]

Yukon: Ow! WHY YOU DISGUSTING LITTLE-!!!!!

Newcomer: I do not take kindly to being squeezed so very hard, thank you very much! [Whips
out sword.] And if I were you, I would respect those wishes!

Dino: Now, Yukon, [chuckles nervously] let's not upset the little critter any more. After all, you
did see what he did to those Floramon!

Yukon: Ooh, right. [Eyes sword.] Heh heh... sorry about that little guy!

Newcomer: You had better be. [Puts sword away.] And what are a couple of kids like you doing
here, getting yourselves attacked by members of Myotismon's army?

Dino: Well, we came looking for Queen S.E.G. and- [Yukon covers Dino's mouth.] Mph-hmph-
phm-rmm-phm!

Newcomer: What!? Why would you be looking for Queen S.E.G.? Especially since she's been
found already?

Dino: [Bites Yukon's hand to get her off.] Because if we don't find her, then a friend of ours will
be in very big trouble. You see, that person that they think is Queen S.E.G. is our friend, and
something awful's happened, and if we don't find the real queen, then we might never see our
friend again!

Newcomer: Aha! I knew that could not be the real queen! She was much to giddy and strange to
be Sarah Elizabeth G.! Hmm... this happens to be a strange turn of events indeed, you see, I too
am looking for the real Queen S.E.G. And my resources have lead me to believe that she is being
held somewhere in this Cathedral! Perhaps, since we're all here, it might be in our best interests
to team up.

DINO: Not a bad idea. Alright then, Mr. . . . uh, what's your name?

Newcomer: You may call me Patamon.

Yukon: Patamon?

Patamon: Yes, Patamon, is there anything wrong with that?

Dino: What the hell is a Patamon?

Patamon: I am!

Yukon: Patamon? I wonder who came up with that name? If I were to see you for the first time
(which I am) I would have said you were a hamster with batwing shaped ears.

Dino: He looks more pig-like to me.

Patamon: [Whips out sword.] I AM NOT A PIG! [Stabs sword into the ground inches away from
Dino's foot.]

Dino: Whoa, violent little guy, aren't you!? [Chuckles.] Okay, okay! You're not a pig! I'm sorry!
[Sweatdrops.]

Patamon: That's better.

Dino: So, uh, anyway, how do we go about finding Queen S.E.G. anyway?

At that moment, a wall on the far side of the Chapel slid open, revealing a secret door.
And out of that secret door came a Deramon, who was wondering what all the noise was about.
Unfortunately for him, our three protagonists leaped on him like kangaroos in the outback.

Yukon: Wait, Kangaroos in the Outback? What kind of simile is that?

Hey, it's the best I can do on such short notice!

Yukon: [sighs] Oh well, I guess it doesn't matter anyway.

Deramon: Hey, you humans can't just come barging in here and tackle me like that! It's against
the Digimon Union laws!

Patamon: We do not give a crap about your stinking union laws! Where is Queen S.E.G.!?

Deramon: And why should I tell a tiny plush toy like you that?

Patamon: [Waves sword menacingly.] I AM NOT A PLUSH TOY!

Deramon: Yargh! Hey, careful with that, you could hurt someone with it!

Patamon: [Grins evilly.] That is the point!

Yukon: I'd do what the guy says, and tell us what we want to know or else he might just snap
and kill you like he did all the Floramon.

Deramon: What, you killed my Floramon? [Patamon nods.] Nooo! My poor babies! [Cries.] And
my poor wife too! Argh, I'll never forgive you for this! And I'm not telling you where the queen
is, either!

Patamon: [Begins whacking Deramon on the head with his sword's sheath.] YOU TELL ME
WHERE QUEEN S.E.G. IS RIGHT NOW OR ELSE I AM GOING TO DISEMBOWEL YOU
AND HANG YOU OUT TO DRY BY YOUR SMALL INTESTINES!!!!!

Dino: Ew.

Yukon: I have a feeling he'd do that, too.

Deramon: Alright, alright, I'll tell you! Just get this crazy little marshmallow off of me!

Patamon: [Twitches.] Marsh- mallow? [Charges at Deramon with sword drawn.]

Dino: [Holds Patamon by the cape.] Don't kill him he's gonna tell us where Queen S.E.G. is!

Patamon: Let me hurt him! Just a little!

Yukon: You'd better spill the beans, I don't know how much longer Dino can hold Patamon
back!

Deramon: Okay, I'll talk! I'll tell you everything about our plans for Queen S.E.G., but please,
KEEP HIM AWAY FROM ME! [Dino finally gets Patamon to calm down. As he does, Deramon
begins to explain the whole plot of Queen S.E.G.'s kidnaping.] Okay, the reason why we
kidnaped the queen is because we Digimon knew that as long as a king sat on the human throne,
we'd never be able to gain a clear victory. So, one of our top generals, Yarekumon, decided that
it'd be a good idea to kidnap Queen S.E.G. and kill her, so that way, when the king dies later on
in the war, there's no chance of him having a heir to take over the throne. And without a set heir,
there'll be turmoil and chaos everywhere, and the humans will be unable to resist our armies and
then we Digimon would rule the world! So we kidnaped the Chancellor when he visited this
Cathedral a few weeks ago, and Yarekumon has been impersonating him ever since!

Patamon: That's nice, but where's the queen?

Deramon: She's locked in the secret chamber along with the real Chancellor, Yarekumon and
several of his soldiers.

Dino: Alright then, let's go save the queen!

Now filled with the knowledge of Yarekumon's plot to do away with the queen, Dino,
Yukon, and Patamon set off down the secret corridor to foil the Digimon's evil scheme, leaving
Deramon all alone in the main portion of the Cathedral. However, seconds later, Patamon
returned and using his sword, trimmed the bush growing out of Deramon's back into the shape
of a pigeon. Satisfied with his work, Patamon rushed ahead to catch up with his newfound
companions. All Deramon could do was look at what remained of the bush growing out of his
back, and cry.

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This is a complete waste of space.

The trio stormed throughout the hideout of the Digimon, taking down any monsters they
encountered in the process, and rescuing two human soldiers as well. After defeating just about
at zillion Digimon, they finally found the secret stronghold in which Yarekumon was holding
Queen S.E.G. (Or at least, they hoped it was.) Wasting no time, Patamon kicked down the door,
where the three of them saw something shocking!

S.E.G.: Hah! Go to Jail! Do not pass Go, do not collect $500!

Chancellor: Hey, no fair!

S.E.G.: [Giggles.] You're just a spoiled sport!

Chancellor: Are you sure you're not cheating?

Fake Chancellor: She must be.

S.E.G.: And why do you say that?

Fake Chancellor: Because I've been playing Monopoly ever since I was an In-Training and I've
never lost a game before.

S.E.G.: Like I said, you're just a spoiled sport!

Chancellor: [To fake Chancellor.] You see? I told you we shouldn't have let her be banker.

Dino, Yukon, and Patamon just stood there gaping like a trio of idiots for a few minutes.
But finally, Patamon broke the silence.

Patamon: Queen S.E.G.!

S.E.G.: [Glances over at Patamon.] Oh, hi Patamon. [Does a double take.] P-p-p-patamon!?!

Chancellor: Oh no! He found us!

Patamon: Don't worry Queen S.E.G., I'll slay this foul Digimon imposter and restore thee to
Odaiba castle!

Fake Chancellor: You'll slay this foul Digimon my ass! Didn't your momma ever teach you to
knock before entering a room?

Patamon: [Enraged.] You leave my momma out of this!

Fake Chancellor: Feh, you and your idiot friends aren't worth my time.

Dino: Wait a second, idiot!?

Yukon: Who you calling an idiot, you, you... SOMETHING!

Fake Chancellor: For crying out loud, is that the best insult you can come up with? Pathetic. And
in case you're wondering, you'd have to be an idiot to be friends with THIS guy!

Patamon: [Hopping in rage.] You take that back, you bald headed, whiskered, wrinkly old coot!

Chancellor: Hey!

Fake Chancellor: Bah, enough of this! Guards! [Claps hands together. Suddenly, the entire room
is filled with Floramon and Mushroomon.] Kill them!

Patamon: I'LL KILL YOU! [Suddenly, Patamon goes in a berserker rage, killing off everything
in his path, and causing mass destruction on everything that moves, and everything that doesn't
move. In the end, only Patamon, Dino, Yukon, the Chancellor, Queen S.E.G., and Yarekumon
disguised as the chancellor remain.]

Dino: YAUGH! [He and Yukon embrace in fear.] He's not violent, HE'S A FRIBBIN' NUT-
CASE!

Patamon: Now, you flat faced, booger breathed, malformed pig, YOU'RE NEXT!

Fake Chancellor: Wait a second, what makes you think that I'm Yarekumon? How do you know
that *he* [Points at Chancellor] isn't really Yarekumon.

Patamon: Because your name tag says "Fake Chancellor", duh.

Fake Chancellor: Doh! Stupid thing, ruined everything!

Patamon: Come on, Yukon, Dino, let's get rid of this punk!

Dino: [Nervously.] Actually, you seem to have the entire situation under control, so I think we'll
just stand outside and-

Patamon: NOW!

Like lightning bolts, Yukon and Dino leaped to Patamon's side, weapons ready.

Dino: [Meekly.] Yes sir.

Fake Chancellor: Alright, so you want to do battle with the all-powerful Arekumon? Very well!
[Lightning surrounds his body as he transforms.]

Fake Chancellor: Fake Chancellor, Digivolve too. . .

Suddenly, the body of the fake chancellor exploded, and out of it emerged a huge,
grotesque, yellow, six armed, horned monster.

Yarekumon: Yarekumon!

Dino & Yukon: *Gulp.*

Yarekumon: Now, do you still want to face me, you puny little Beanie Baby?

At that moment, the fic paused so that I may be slipped a huge wad of cash from Ty Inc.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled fic.

Patamon: Beanie Baby? [Body trembles with rage.] BEANIE BABY!?! [Leaps into the air.] That
is it, you die now, Yarekumon!

Patamon then brought his sword crashing down, embedding it in Yarekumon's skull.
Surely, a blow like that could and would finish a Digimon, and let's face it, just about anything
else, in three seconds flat. Unfortunately, not Yarekumon.

Yarekumon: Heh heh, not this time, buddy!

Patamon: What the heck?

Yarekumon: [Punches Patamon.]

Patamon: Whaaaa! [Flies across the room and smashes into a wall.]

Dino: [Crying.] Whaaaa! I want my mommy!

Yukon: I want mine too! [Cries.] Whaaaaa!

Dino: Whaaaaaa!!!

Yukon: Whaaaaa!!!

Dino & Yukon: WHAAAAAA!!!!

Yarekumon: Oh would the two of you shut up? You're giving me a headache with your constant
whining! [Backhands the two of them across the room into Patamon.]

Dino: Well, this guy's obviously too strong for us to kill. Can we go home now?

Patamon: No! Now follow my lead! [Charges at Yarekumon with sword.]
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! [Begins stabbing, hacking, and slicing away at Yarekumon's
body. While this looks like an extremely painful situation, Yarekumon just looks at Patamon,
and yawns.]

Yarekumon: You know, that's gonna itch if you keep it up.

Patamon: DIE! DIE! [Drops sword and bites Yarekumon's leg.]

Yarekumon: Okay, now cut that out! [Grabs Patamon by the back of his cape and dangles him at
arms length. Patamon continues to thrash and attack, even though it does him no good.]

Yukon: Look, Patamon is in trouble, Dino! We have to help him!

Dino: [Twiddles thumbs.] Do we have too? I mean, he kind of asked for it, being such a prick
and all.

Yukon: Unfortunately, we do.

Dino: Why?

Yukon: Because if we don't, the story can't progress any further.

Dino: Oh, right. [Gets up and draws sword.] Well, if its for the sake of moving the plot along,
then okay! [Charges Yarekumon.] HAAAA! [Slices off Yarekumon's hand with Patamon in it.]

Yarekumon: [Looks at Dino, then looks at his hand, and then looks at the stump where his hand
used to be.] Hey, that was one of my good hands.

Patamon: Quick, Dino, let's use the X-Strike attack to cut this guy down to size!

Dino: Okay!

Dino & Patamon: [They both charge.] X-STRIKE! [They attack, slicing off two of Yarekumon's
arms.]

Yarekumon: Oh, gee, thanks! I was thinking about amputating those things. Pretty useless,
really.

Dino: I don't believe it, we've thrown everything we have at this guy and he doesn't even flinch!

Yukon: Dino! Patamon! Duck and cover!

Patamon: Duck? WHERE!? [Picks up sword and begins slashing it wildly.]

Dino: She means get down, stupid! [Pulls Patamon down onto the floor.]

Yarekumon: The hell?

Yukon: Hey Yarekumon, say hello to my little friend! [Whips out Wonder Shot.] Die! [Fires a
huge, bazooka like blast, which creates a gaping hole in the middle of Yarekumon's chest.]

Yarekumon: Hey, [Traces the hole with his finger] that tickled.

Yukon: What, you mean it only tickled him!?

Dino: The heck is this guy, on morphine or something!?

Yarekumon: [Eyes narrow and face takes on the expression of rage.] I-don't-LIKE-BEING-
TICKLED!!! [Drops onto all eight, er, six, and charges the trio.] DROOOOOOOO!

Successful only in ticking him off, it seemed as if all hope was lost for our three heros.
Dino and Yuko knew that if what they'd done to Yarekumon hadn't effected him in anyway,
then nothing would, and it was just in their best interests to give up. Patamon, however, refused
to surrender, and continued to fight Yarekumon anyway he could, until either he or Yarekumon
died. But then again, Patamon is crazy, so we don't really care how determined the little guy is,
do we?

Yarekumon: Hah hah! Dance on your pitiful bodies, do I! [Begins dancing the Mexican Hat
Dance on the bodies of Yukon, Dino, and Patamon.]

Patamon: Ow! Grr... mark my words, Yarekumon, I do not care what it takes, I will kill you!

Yukon: [Annoyed.] Oh give it a rest already, will you?

Yarekumon: The silly little girl with purple hair and the goofy helmet is right! You might as well
give up, because you can never beat me! [Stomps foot on the ground and causes the rafters to
shake.] I am Yarekumon! [Stomps again.] I am invincible! [Stomps yet again.] I am immortal!
[Stomps a fourth time.] I am almighty! BOW DOWN TO ME MORTALS, AND GAZE UPON
THE SPLENDOR THAT IS YAREKUMON!!
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA!

Yarekumon stomped a fifth time, and caused part of the ceiling to crumble and fall on
top of him. The impact of all the heavy stones didn't seem to phase him. Even so, this little
incident caused Yarekumon his doom!

Yarekumon: [Sneezes.] Oh no! [Gags.] Limestone dust! [Chokes and hacks.] I-I'm allergic to
limestone dust! [Begins hacking and wheezing uncontrollably for a few minutes, and eventually
falls to the floor, dead.]

Dino: . . .

Yukon: . . .

Patamon: . . .

Chancellor: . . .

S.E.G.: ;_;

Dino: Is he dead?

Patamon: Only one way to know for sure. [Takes sword and begins hacking Yarekumon into
pieces.] DIE! DIE you filthy scum! Call me a Beanie Baby, will you!? I will see that your
remains are fed to the dogs!

Dino: [Grabs Patamon and puts him in a head lock.] Hey, stop that! I know the guy was an evil
bastard and all, but. . . that's not right!

Patamon: Let me go! Let me go or else I shall kill you too!

Yukon: [Sighs.] It's useless Dino. Just let him go. [Dino reluctantly does so, and Patamon
continues with his bloody massacre of Yarekumon's corpse (well, what's left of it).] Come on,
let's just take the queen and real Chancellor and get out of here.

Dino: Right.

They both turned to talk with the queen and Chancellor, but only to find them missing
from the spot where they last saw them. At first, their instinct was to panic, as perhaps another
Digimon had come and taken them away. But they then saw the queen and Chancellor by the
exit, trying to sneak out of the room as discreetly as possible.

Yukon: Hey, where are the two of you going.

S.E.G. & CHANCELLOR: Shhh!

Patamon: [Looks up from what he's doing.] Ah, Queen Sarah Elizabeth G.! [Hops off
Yarekumon's body and puts his sword away.] Do not worry, my lady! I hath vanquished the
beast and will now escort thee back to thine castle!

S.E.G.: No, stay away! Keep away from me! Just, just- leave me alone! HELP! [Runs out the
door.]

Chancellor: Your majesty, wait for me! [Runs after her.]

Patamon: Hey, come back! [Whips out sword.] Come back or else I shall kill you when I catch
up to you! [Chases after them.]

Dino: Hmm... you think we should follow them?

Yukon: I suppose so. I mean, SOMEBODY has to protect the Queen from Patamon if we want to
make sure that Susan is returned to existence.

And so they all ran, and ran, and ran, and ran, and ran, and ran, and ran, until they
couldn't run anymore, in which case they walked for a bit, and then ran again, until they all
ended up back at Odaiba castle. Oh, the look on the subjects faces when Queen S.E.G. (The real
one,) came running through the grand double doors and jumped into the king's outstretched
arms, shrieking like a banshee.

Odaiba 21: My goodness, Queen Sarah Elizabeth G.! (The real one.) You've returned! I'm so ha-

S.E.G.: [Yells in King's face.] HELP! KEEP HIM AWAY FROM ME! KEEP HIM
AWAAAAAY!

Odaiba 21: What, keep who away?

S.E.G.: HIM! [Points at the door, in which the Chancellor runs through, panting, gasping, and
wheezing.]

Odaiba 21: What, the Chancellor? I don't see any harm in him.

Knight Captain Yamato: Well, if she says so. . . [To guards.] Guards, seize that man! [The guards
all roughly apprehend the Chancellor.]

S.E.G.: No, not him!

KC Yamato: What are you idiots doing? Release that man! [The guards release the Chancellor.]

S.E.G.: Him! Keep HIM away from me! [Points at the door as soon as Dino and Yukon enter.]

KC Yamato: Guards, seize that man! [The guards roughly apprehend Yukon.]

Yukon: I'm a girl, not a guy! [The guard then release Yukon and grab Dino.]

Dino: Hey, if this is about the money I stole out of the wishing well when I was three, I'm sorry,
I'll give it back!

S.E.G.: No, not him, [points to door as Patamon enters.] HIM!

Patamon: Come back here! I'll kill you! I'll kill you all! I'll kill you, and I'll kill you, and I'll kill
y- oh, especially you!

KC Yamato: Guards, release him and seize- [realizes who's emerging from the doors.] Holy
crap, It's PATAMON! EVERYONE, RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!! [The entire congregation
begins to flee in order to hide themselves behind something, much to Patamon's bewilderment.]

Patamon: Hey, what's everyone running away for? I just rescued the queen! [Walks forward.]

S.E.G.: You! You stay away, don't come near me!

Odaiba 21: Queen S.E.G., Patamon, Chancellor, what is the meaning of this!?

Patamon: Your highness, I just rescued the queen and Chancellor from the evil Digimon,
Yarekumon! They were planning to kill her and you, so that neither of you could have children
and then the country would be in political turmoil! So in fact, I've not only saved the queen and
Chancellor, but the entire kingdom as well! I think that I deserve a medal, don't you?

S.E.G.: What you deserve is to be punted over a waterfall in a wine barrel!

Patamon: Huh? What do you mean?

S.E.G.: You, you crazy little freak! I didn't want to be rescued, not by you! You're the reason
that me and the Chancellor let ourselves be captured by the Digimon in the first place!

Patamon: Wh- you let yourselves be captured?

Odaiba 21: My dear, please explain yourself.

S.E.G.: Ever since he came back from his trip with Cyrus and you made him my bodyguard, I've
been living in constant fear! [Turns to Patamon.] You're a total nut job with the worst temper
I've ever seen! You attack and kill everything in sight, and have even threatened to do so to me!
I was so scared, I thought that anything, even being a prisoner to the Digimon would be better
than having you near me! And then Yarekumon, disguised as the Chancellor came with his plot
to kidnap me, which I saw right through in a heart beat! But you know what? I didn't care! I
knew anything would be better than what I'd been through, and I was right! And not only that,
but... [begins crying] I found out that Yarekumon wasn't such a jerk at all, but was a really nice
guy who I liked a lot! He may have been brash and evil on the outside, but there was a kinder,
more loving creature on the inside which he shared with me! [Sobs openly.] And you had to go
and kill him! I hate you! I hate you and I never want to see you again! [Continues sobbing.]

Patamon: Why you dirty liar! Die! [Throws sword at Queen S.E.G.]

Random Guard: MR. PRE- I mean- QUEEN S.E.G.! [Jumps in the way of the sword and gets
killed by it instead.]

Odaiba 21: Patamon, how dare you attack my wife like that!?

Patamon: [Stunned by what he just did.] I. . .I-I did not mean to throw it at her. I just, I mean,
that is to say. . .

KC Yamato: You're temper is out of control, Patamon! You're supposed to protect the queen,
but now I see I was wrong to appoint you as her bodyguard, just because you were a friend of
Cyrus. You're more of a threat to her than any enemy Digimon would be!

Patamon: [Sniffles.] Y-you are right. I am out of control! [Cries.] I have become just the thing
that I hate! [Cries some more.]

Odaiba 21: Patamon, what you have done is unacceptable! I have no choice now but to banish
you from the Odaiba kingdom, FOREVER!

Patamon: [Bawling.] Alright, I'll go! I'll go and I'll never come back, ever!

And the crowd rejoiced, upsetting Patamon even more, causing him to run out the door in
tears. Dino and Yukon, moved by Patamon's tears (due to their overactive sympathy glands)
followed him as he ran outside.

Yukon: Patamon, wait, please don't go!

Dino: No, don't listen to her Patamon, go on, get out of here! They don't want you around!

Okay, so Yukon was moved by Patamon's tears and her overactive sympathy gland.
Dino, however, decided to be a prick and rub it into Patamon like salt on a cut. This thoroughly
pissed Yukon, off, forcing her to smash her hammer on Dino's head.

Yukon: DINO BAKA! You shouldn't say such things!

Dino: Ow! [Rubs head.]

Susan: Yeah! [Thwaps Dino with Takeru's 02 hat, causing him to go flying into one of the
walls.]

Yukon: [Gasps.] Susan, you're back!

Susan: I am? [Looks at herself.] Wow, I guess I am!

Dino: [Removes himself from the wall.] That's great!

Yukon: This is wonderful, Princess, now we know that we were successful in putting things
right!

Susan: Huh? Princess? You mean, you know that too?

Yukon: Well, yeah.

Susan: [Exasperated.] IS THERE ANYONE WHO DOESN'T KNOW THAT I'M REALLY
PRINCESS NADIA!?!?

Dino: Now there isn't.

Susan: [Sighs.]

Yukon: But this is trivial. What matters now, is that Queen S.E.G. is safe, Yarekumon's plan is
foiled, the royal-bloodline is secured, Princess Nadia is back, and peace will continue!

Dino: Well said!

Susan: Couldn't have put it better myself.

Dino: Come on girls, we're done here. I think its time we all went home.

Susan: Wait a minute, just how do we get home? It's not like we can just walk there or
something.

Yukon: Leave everything to me. Come on! We have to get back to the forest in Moose Canyon!

Dino: Why do we have to go there?

Yukon: To get home.

Susan: How?

Yukon: You'll see!

And so Yarekumon's plot to overthrow the entire Odaiba royal family was thwarted by
Dino and Yukon, with a little help from a Patamon with severe anger issues. What's more
important, is that Susan is back, and now the trio can return to their normal time. But how will
they do that? Yukon's sure she know how, so our heros can do nothing but trust her. No doubt,
Yukon has thought of something that will work, and our friends will return home, and live
happily ever after.

Or, will they?

Devimon VO: Has this strange day full of surprises and twists ended for Dino and his friends, or
is this only the beginning? Read the next Digi Trigger to find out, or else I'll make you
Digivolve with the Digimental of Kindness!