Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ I Love You, I Love You Not ❯ Blurry ( Chapter 4 )

Disclaimer= see previous chapters

Teti= did you all think I was dead? :-P na, I'm here safe and sound, for your misfortune *hears groans* I just apologize for, what? the tenth time, for the delaying *begs pardon*

You all have to thank Sapphire Goddess, who's my main supporter, if I still write. If it wasn't for her, I would never write a word again ;) not that I do not want to, I'm just a lazy bitch, that's all. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter; two more to go! . And again, thanks infinitely to everyone who reviews my stuff, you really make my day ^__~v

Little note: have you noticed lately I tend to name chapters from songs? I have my biggest inspiration right from the music :)

More Taito in this part, for CSMars who's desperate :-P There are continue switches from Tai's to Matt's POV and back. Just felt like it and wanted to describe how they both felt, not just one of them. Lotsa angst and swearing in the last part peeps!

*I Love You, I Love You Not*

~Blurry~

When the sun rose on the city, it was a gloomy and cloudy morning. In the air flapped the distinct scent of rain, which had covered Tokyo during all the night. Two eyelids opened slowly, savouring the scene in front of them. A blonde head was lying on the strong shoulder of their owner, with an arm wrapped around his stomach. Tai could feel Matt's heart-beating clearly, while his breathing was tackling the brunette's chest, in a sweet yet sensual sort of way. How he wished could stay forever just like that, holding the blonde's lithe figure close to him. He kissed softly the golden hair, while he re-closed his eyelids. I shouldn't have done this, he whispered to himself so quietly they were merely a murmur. It wasn't right towards Joe first of all, and then towards Matt, who probably just missed his lover and replaced in his mind Tai with him. This thoughts were hurting him in an indescribable way and the pain he felt was unbearable and fought hard to not let tears flow down his tanned cheek.

That's it, he decided, I'm going to tell Matt it was just some stupid mistake; after all he won't mind it so much, will he? He will tell Joe, I will explain and we will all live happily ever after…but if it is the right thing to do, then why does it hurt so much to even think about doing it? He wondered sadly.

A moan behind him made him turn his head, just to face a just-woken-up Matt. Tai couldn't help but smile at the sight of Yamato Ishida, who was always perfect in every little thing, with his hair all over the places, his blue eyes still dizzy and confused and his lips slightly parted. He probably doesn't remember yet what we did last night, Tai realized, and felt relief and anguish overtaking him. Matt yawned deeply, then smiled to Tai and closed his eyes again, with his head still on the brunette's shoulder.

Tai paled. Why wasn't Matt angry with him? And why he was still sleeping in that position, cuddled near him? He couldn't find an answer to these questions which were upsetting him deeply; after all, he didn't even have any evidences that Matt liked him in a more than a friend way, that thought had never crossed his mind; he could only see how much Matt and Joe were in love and how much they cared for each other. He was just meddling with the two, obviously in vain. Now, yet, he was feeling a gleam of hope inside of him. Could Matt possibly care for him just as much as he cared for his blue-haired koi?

"Where is that little mind of yours travelling to, oh Thoughtful One?" the musical blonde's voice called him from behind. Tai turned his head slowly, sighing, fearing the moment where he would have to tell Matt what they did was just a mistake.

"Actually, it was more likely in the kitchen, I'm starving!" Tai lied. Coward!

"You're always hungry Tai!" Matt laughed cheerful, then frowned and started to use a serious voice timbre. This is it, he remembers everything…the brunette thought sadly.

"Tai, we have to talk about last night's events" Matt began, but then Tai abruptly interrupted him, trying to mend his actions, before the blonde could say anything, might it be good or bad.

"I know you think what we did is wrong, I do too, it was just some big mistake, we were both feeling weird and, well, horny, you can say that; now let's forget this whole mess and try to act as if it never happened, okay?" Tai blurted out, without reflecting, in the hope to settle everything.

Matt looked stunned and hurt. Hurt? Why should he be hurt?

"Oh…" he simply said, flatly "If…if you say so, then it must be true" he whispered sadly. He suddenly shook his head, as if he wanted to shrug his pain away and proposed his friend to make breakfast. Matt got u, dressed quickly and left in hurry the bedroom, aiming for the kitchen.

Tai was speechless. What was Matt sad for? After all, they had adjusted the situation and he could go back into his Joe's arms, leaving Tai behind, the brunette thought bitterly.

But always remained the fact that the younger boy was unhappy, while he should be grateful there hadn't been any consequences. Tai really didn't know what to think or what to do with him.

He walked in the kitchen, just to find Matt staring in his cup intently, not drinking, not saying anything; he was just limp on the chair and didn't even turn to him when Tai entered.

"Your coffee is in your brown cup, with just a spoon of sugar and milk in it, as you like it" Matt said blankly. Tai murmured a 'thanks', then sat down and drank his favourite morning drink.

The silence fell upon them. For some minutes no one dared to speak a single word, for fear of saying the wrong or the truth. Tai, however, was a merry and talkative person and couldn't stand the loss of words any longer; so he got up brutally and almost yelled to Matt, who was still as quiet as ever.

"What's wrong with you?! Are you that angry with me that you can't even to bear a conversation with myself?!" Matt lowered his gaze and this made Tai even more furious, if possible. "Look at me when I talk to you! Do you think you are the only one who is hurt? No, my dear, I myself am hurt and sad as well, but I can' and won't ignore you as you do!" he was now literally fuming and a red flush painted on his cheek. The blonde finally raised his eyes and Tai almost gasped at the burden of emotions in those blue pools. In him burned anger and frustration, guilt and anguish and…could it be? Tai didn't want to believe it.

"Now you listen to me, you little egocentric! How do you think I should fee right now, knowing I have a boyfriend far away from here whom I cheated on, and cheated on consciously, even enjoying it and falling in love with his best friend?!" Matt noticed the terrible truth he had revealed and brought his hands up to cover his mouth. He hadn't mean to tell the brunette everything, he had just wanted to knock some sense in that head, but had gone over the edge. Now he knew and he was ruined. Tai would tell Joe and he would lose them both.

He did not want to fall in love with Tai; at first, he hadn't even been attracted to him physically, well, maybe just a little, but that was nothing. It was Joe he cared for, not Tai.

These days spent alone with the brunette, however, had made him notice little particulars about Tai he did not know before; every morning he wondered about his relationship about Joe and surprised himself even for questioning it. Last night's events were the last blow. He could have refused, yet he did not. He liked it, it made him feel wanted and complete, something he hadn't felt for such a long time. Maybe he had known all along what was happening, he just didn't want to accept it, but finally he had come to terms he had to choose over two best friends; he know, whomever he would refuse, will be terribly hurt and their friendship would be broken without repair.

Tai remained motionless. He couldn't believe his ears. He had not heard what he thought had heard, not at all. It just wasn't imaginable. But he had to know, he had to.

With the most serious expression he had ever worn, he directed to the blonde, squeezed his shoulder and looked at him directly in the eyes.

"What did you just tell? And I want the full truth" he asked, no, ordered him. matt looked startled, lowered his gaze once again and mumbled something. Tai patiently lifted his chin so they were now face to face and told the blond to repeat loudly and clearly.

Matt sighed and satisfied him. "I said I have fallen in love with Joe's best friend" he quietly explained. Tai almost fell for the shock and for the happiness. He backed down incredulous, dropping his grip on Matt. Matt was in love with him! Matt was in love with him!

Matt took Tai's silence and staring for a rejection, as he feared. There, he had told him and now he could say goodbye to his friends. He got up from the chair and was going to his room, when a strong hand grabbed his wrist and turned him around, to face to merry chocolate eyes, which displayed happiness, joy and…love? Before he could think to do anything, a pair of rough lips covered his velvet ones, in a firm yet tender kiss. Matt was astonished, but leaned in the kiss, wrapping his arms around Tai's neck, while the brunette's ones went to encircle his slender waist.

They kissed for a few second, then parted because they both needed to breath. The new found lovers remained silent for some seconds, then they both burst into laughter and giggles. When the explosion of cheerfulness ended, they cleared each other's feelings towards the other. Tai was amazed at how good Matt hid his and Matt was surprised that the brunette liked him that long, since his first arrive at the university. He had told him that something hit his heart when Matt had told his misadventure at the local, the very first day. If they both wondered what they would do about Joe, for Matt still loved him as before, no one gave any sign. They just enjoyed each other's closeness, living in the present, not the past, not the future, just in the little kitchen in a rainy morning.

*~*~*~*~*~*

The week left to welcome another and Joe's return was close. Matt and Tai didn't seem to mind the moment of confrontation and continued displaying their affection; only Mimi looked troubled: she didn't have a good feeling about this. Something bad is going to happen, I can feel it…

Finally Saturday came and with it came the problems: Joe would have been there in the afternoon. Matt was desperate, he still didn't feel like rejecting either of them, especially now he had found Tai, yet he didn't want to hurt Joe's feelings, for he still cared deeply for him. What should I do? What should I do?

Even counselling with Mimi were useless, because she did not know how to make the situation easier; it was over her possibilities of helper and, anyway, didn't concern her personally, so she felt as though something by her would be like an intrude in the trio's love life.

He couldn't possible count on Tai, it wasn't right towards Joe; this was a decision he had to make all alone.

The morning passed slowly, tantalizing, but when afternoon arrived, it looked too early. Around 5 o' clock, Matt and Tai went to the airport to pick Joe up. When they saw him from the other side of the corridor, the concept of what was going to happen hit them fully. They put on they best smile and welcomed the blue-haired boy.

During all the journey from the airport to the University they just chatted like old friends, about how much they had missed him, about how he had found Tokyo and the staying; Matt and Tai had completely forgotten their troubles.

Joe entered the apartment with a gleam of merriness in his dark eyes and sighed happily. He placed his truck on his bed and told his friends he was going to have a relaxing shower and could continue their conversation later. Just when he stepped in the bathroom Mimi came running and hugged him almost to death.

"Joe!!! You just don't know how much I missed you!! Now you've got to tell me everything, in the minimal details!" exclaimed the ever cheerful seventeen-year-old girl.

"I missed you too Mimi" he answered her sincerely "and I would love to chat if you would please let me go". Mimi smiled sheepishly and dropped her grip, but seeing as he was with just a towel on (Oh my poor innocent eyes!) she decided to talk later.

When he left, in the living room there were only her, Matt and Tai. She looked at them knowingly, they were in an awful situation and did not know how to get out of that scrape. She understood, however, that they had to talk, the sooner the better, she said to herself, so she thought about a dinner in a restaurant that evening to celebrate Joe's return. Matt and Tai both agreed and, when Joe went back, explained the idea to him, who was more then enthusiast.

That evening everything was going well, too well reflected Mimi. And she still couldn't get that odd feeling out of her.

They had gone to an Irish pub and had ordered four beers, chips and hamburgers; there were many people and they had found difficulty in looking for a free table. Now they were all sat there, laughing and joking, drinking and eating; it looked a normal party, yet the true gift for the feasted had yet to arrive. It was now almost midnight and the talkative mood had died: the bomb had to be dropped then.

Matt sighed quietly and looked at Joe directly in the eyes.

"Joe…there's something I have to tell you…" he began, uncertain. Mimi and Tai made him a gesture to go on; Joe visibly paled: he had known there was something wrong, and this had to be what Matt was going to tell him. He didn't know if he wanted to find it out or not, but listened to him.

"Well…I…uhm…" Matt couldn't find the words to tell his boyfriend he was in love with both him and his best really attractive friend. Tai decided to confront him himself, so he interrupted Matt.

"Matt and I have fallen in love with each other, even though he still loves you as ever. Now he has to decide who he wants the most" he said calmly.

Matt, Mimi and Joe were wide-eyed and their jaws had dropped to the floor. The former two for the way he had said such a delicate revelation, the last one for the revelation. It wasn't true. No, no, no, Matt would never do something like that to him, not in thousand lives.

"Matt…it's not true…please tell me it's not true…" he pleaded him, while tears were forming in his eyes. The blond broke their staring and nodded slowly, not even looking in his direction. And then the pain left Joe, substituted by an anger he had never thought he could possess. He jumped on his chair, while the blood ran fast through his dark face.

"And when were you planning to tell me this?! You just had to wait the day I came back from a seminar during which all I thought about was you" he said pointing accusatory to Matt "while probably you" to Tai "were fucking him senselessly! Did you like feeling him beneath you, while you were doing things to him? Was he pretty when he was moaning and begging you for more?" he continued, cruelly.

Matt plugged his ears with his hands, not wanting to hear anything else; he was in a deep despair and felt he deserved all Joe's fury. He always hurt those who were near him. Tai was startled at Joe's reaction, but when he saw Matt in such misery, he lost it. Joe had no right to pain him in that way, he told himself!

He stood up and confronted the wrathful lover, while Mimi was trying to comfort Matt. As in it wasn't enough, Joe attacked even her, astonishing everybody.

"You!" he had said her "You knew everything and never said anything, you fucking bitch! How dare you to call yourself a friend?!"

Mimi felt tears flow down her face; how could she do anything, she didn't want to hurt anyone!

When Matt saw that Mimi was crying, he didn't stand it anymore. He abruptly got up and stormed off the pub. Joe and Tai yelled a 'look what you did!' at each other and ran after him, followed slowly by a very convulsed Mimi.

When they almost reached him, they stopped, paralysed by the horror. They saw the scene slowly, like in a movie.

Matt was running blindly.

He didn't see a car coming towards him at full speed.

When he noticed it, it was too late.

The vehicle hit him and sent him to the other side of the street, not even stopping to see what damage he had provoked. Mimi, Tai and Joe were still frozen, watching horrified their friend being crashed down and not moving anymore. The moment of shock quickly faded and they hastened to see if he was all right, which they strongly doubted.

Mimi arrived there first and checked for a pulse. Luckily, there was still one, but it was slowly thinning out. She yelled for help and noticed with terror that Matt was losing blood from his head. "Matt…" she shook him " Matt, please wake up…don't…don't do this to me…to us…I know you're just joking, aren't you? You make tricks to me all the time, so you must be joking now too…" she swallowed hard, her tears flowing once again. Why wasn't he waking up?!

Meanwhile, Tai and Joe arose and fell to their knees. This was all their fault…all their fault…

"Help!!! Help!!!! Please, please help me!!!" Mimi was screaming hysteric. Trying to regain control over his body, Joe picked up his mobile phone and telephoned to the hospital, saying to hurry sending an ambulance. He then said to Mimi to not touch the blonde anymore: in his spinal cord was damaged, even a little movement could be lethal.

The three all sat near him, waiting for the aids to arrive, waiting for him to wake up, waking for all to end.

~tsuzuku~

Teti= this is the longest chapter by far, I hope it is as good as the others. Liked the cliffhanger? This happens to who listens Nirvana non-stop all the day like myself ^__~ gotta love them!

I want…uhm…how old am I? 15? 15 reviews before continue, 'kay? Arigatou!!!!!