Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ Why You Shouldn't Fall In Love With A Straight Boi ❯ Fade ( Chapter 2 )

WHY YOU SHOULDN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH A STRAIGHT BOI

By: Daisuke Motomiya

 

Author: cjtokage

Disclaimer: Don't own Digimon period.

Warnings: Yaoi, song-fic, one-sided Daikeru (sorry), Taishiro (yeah), Takari (gag), Yamora (double gag),

 

Artist: Staind, Album: Break the Cycle, Song titles: Fade and For You

Single `quotes' indicates thoughts

Italics indicates song lyrics

 

 

Chapter Two: Fade

 

I try to breathe

Memories overtaking me

I try to face them but the thought is too much to conceive

 

As I lie here in bed, trying not to aggravate this nice little hangover I've got going, memories of all the intimate moments between Kari and my Take-chan that I've witnessed keep coming to mind. They haunt me because they continue to demonstrate just how perfect the two of them are together. I know I don't have a ghost of a chance of being with Takeru ever because he is straight. If he wasn't with Kari he'd just be with some other girl, but my heart doesn't want to accept that. It has latched onto TK for some reason and won't let go.

 

I only know that I can change; everything else just stays the same

So now I step out of the darkness that my life became, `cause

 

I have to try to and find some way around these feelings or this depression I'm sinking into will only continue to get worse. Maybe Jun will be able to help me. She should be awake by now. I think I heard the shower running as I was waking up and she's had time to go get dressed. I slowly straighten up and crawl out of bed, ignoring the pounding headache the alcohol I drank last night is causing. After throwing on a shirt and a pair of my old soccer shorts I make my way to the door.

 

I just needed someone to talk to

You were just too busy with yourself

You were never there for me to express how I felt; I just stuffed it down

Now I'm older and I feel like I could let some of this anger fade

But it seems the surface I am scratching is the bed that I have made

 

Coming into the hallway I notice that Jun's door is open. I turn to go see if she's in there when I hear noises coming from the front room. I go that way instead and come find Jun pulling on her winter clothes. “Hey sis going somewhere?” I ask.

 

“Yeah, I'm headed over to Cindy's for a study group with the girls. We've got an important test coming up in chemistry so I want to make a good grade on it.”

 

“Listen… I need to talk to you about something important” I say to her as she's pulling open the door.

 

“Sorry, I'm already running late. I tell you what, I'll try to come home a little early and we can talk then, okay.”

 

I make a vaguely affirmative motion with my hand even as she's closing the door. `I can't take this anymore; even my own family has no need for me.' I think to myself as I fall on my butt and pull my knees up tight against my chest. I drop my head down, cross my arms to cover my face and finally let the tears that I have been holding back fall. A thought occurs to me and I jerk upright. `Why should anyone care about me? I must be a lousy human being considering that I barely have any friends, I'm not a good student, heck I was even forced to quit the soccer team after my depression over Takeru got so bad it affected my concentration too much to continue playing. And nobody even really wondered why I quit. I guess I'm finally realizing just how much nobody cares about me.' That thought caused a burst of anger to course its way through me. “Well maybe if I'm so unimportant to everybody then the best thing I can do is remove myself from their presence.” With my mind made up I return to my room to prepare.

 

So where were you when all this I was going through?

You never took the time to ask me just what you could do

 

I grab my book bag and dump all my school stuff out. I pick out a couple of changes of clothes and shove them into the bottom of the bag. I then grab my cup of loose change and pour it into one of the small side pockets. I go to the kitchen and grab a Ziplocâ„¢ bag to make myself a small first aid kit with some antibiotic cream, band aids, aspirins and other essential items. I throw that in on top of my clothes and open my night stand to retrieve the case of throwing knives my uncle Naoto gave me after he taught me how to use them. I placed them on my bed out of the way as I changed into some of the warmer clothes that I would need to survive outdoors on my trip. After I had finished getting dressed I strapped the medium sized knife to my left ankle, the larger one went on an elastic strap around my abdomen for a quick behind the back draw, and the two smallest ones I slide onto each of my wrist far up enough to be concealed. I then sat down and wrote out the obligatory letter letting everyone know I was leaving. I'm not telling them where I'm going though I've already made up my mind. I'm going to see my uncle in Aomori which is in the northern part of Japan. I have no illusions that even if I do make it up there he'll just send me home again, but that isn't the point. I merely need time away to clear my head and hopefully put some emotional distance between me and Takeru. I grab a few more items that I want to have with me and after eating what will probably be the last real food I have for a while I throw some nonperishable foodstuffs in my bag along with a spoon and a can opener. I sat my bag down by the front door and pull on my winter clothes. I take one final look around and then without regret I walk out of my house. I know I have to put some distance between me and Odaiba or this will be a real short trip.

 

I only know that I can change; everything else just stays the same

So now I step out of the darkness that my life became

 

...I try to breathe

 

 

~Later That Night~

 

Jun knocked on the door to Daisuke's room. “Hey squirt, are you ready to talk now?' she asked through the closed door. No response came so she figured that her little brother had probably fallen asleep. She was just about to go to her own room when she heard the song that was loudly playing in Dai's room shift back to repeat itself. Curious, she reached out and opened the door. Inside she noticed that the room itself was messier than usual, but there was no Daisuke. With the faintest sense of foreboding she fully entered the room. Suddenly the name of the song clicked, it was For You, by the group Staind. Taking a final look around before going and searching the rest of the house for her brother she noticed a note pinned to Daisuke's dart board. It was held there with one of the many three inch throwing knifes her brother owned. With a profound feeling of dread she pulled the knife out and read through the note twice, the second time with tears streaming down her face. Dropping the note she ran from Daisuke's room to find the phone and let her parent's know that Daisuke had run away.

 

Dear Mom, Dad, and Jun

 

By the time you read this letter I will be gone. I don't know what your reaction will be but I hope that you will give

me the space I need to clear my head. I can't talk to you mom and dad because I don't know you anymore. You're

never around when I need you. As for you Jun I try talking to you but I feel like I need to schedule an appointment

to even see you. I don't want to make you worry but I can no longer deal with my life the way it is. Therefore I'm

leaving home, maybe for good. I'm sorry for doing this. I love you all.

Love,

Daisuke

And the band played on…

 

To my mother, to my father

It's your son or it's your daughter

Are my screams loud enough for you to hear me?

Should I turn this up for you?

 

I sit here locked inside my head

Remembering everything you said

This silence gets us nowhere!

Gets us nowhere way too fast!

 

The silence is what kills me

I need someone to help me

But you don't know how to listen

And let me make my decisions

 

`Cause I sit here locked inside my head

Remembering everything you said

This silence gets us nowhere!

Gets us nowhere way too fast!

 

All your insults and your curses

Make me feel like I'm not a person

And I feel like I'm nothing

But you made me so do something

Because I', fucked up

Because you are

Need attention, attention you couldn't give

 

I sit here locked inside my head

Remembering everything you said

This silence gets us nowhere!

Gets us nowhere way too fast!

 

TBC…

 

A/N: Poor Dai-kun, alone against the world.

 

Cool Quote: 1 “If love be good, from whennes comth my woe?” -Geoffrey Chaucer/ Troilus and Criseyde

2 “Often the test of courage is not to die but to live” -Vittorio Alfieri, Oreste