Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ Why You Shouldn't Fall In Love With A Straight Boi ❯ Still Frame ( Chapter 4 )

WHY YOU SHOULDN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH A STRAIGHT BOI

By: Daisuke Motomiya

 

Author: cjtokage

Disclaimer: Don't own Digimon period.

Warnings: Yaoi, song-fic, one-sided Daikeru (sorry), Taishiro (yeah), Takari (gag), Yamora (double gag),

 

Artist: Trapt, Album:Trapt, Song title:Still Frame

 

Single `quotes' indicates thoughts

Italics indicates song lyrics

 

 

Chapter Four:Still Frame

 

Please help me `cause I'm breaking down

This picture's frozen and I can't get out

Please help me `cause I'm breaking down

This picture's frozen and I can't get out of here

Believe me; I'm just as lost as you

Believe me; I'm just as lost as you

 

The officers took me straight to the hospital instead of down to the station. I guess that since I really hadn't committed a crime they were more concerned with my health than anything else. I was moving in autopilot mode; just obeying whatever commands I was given without any visible response. I can feel my emotions shutting down, but I don't really care to do anything about it. I'd been stopped just short of my goal and I'm not any closer to finding an answer to the Takeru problem. I can feel my need for him bubbling up against the barrier that my mind has formed against all my emotions. The doctors wanted to diagnose it as shock, but I know better, my subconscious mind is trying to save itself from the pain that loving Takeru is causing it. Unfortunately it's also locking away other parts of my personality along with it, and I no longer have the strength to stop it.

 

And every time I think I've finally made it

I learn I'm farther away than I've ever been before

I see the clock and it's ticking away

And the hourglass empty

What the fuck do I have to say?

 

The nurses gave me a through examination, but except for being malnourished and a moderate case of bronchitis I'm in good shape. I hardly reacted to anything they did which I think upset some of the nurses. What upsets them worse though was my inability to speak even though I'm really trying to. They checked but could find anything wrong with my vocal capacities so they determined it to be entirely psychologically induced.

 

I don't think they realize just how much awareness I have of my surroundings though. I'm taking in pretty much everything that's happening in my immediate area. The nurses are treating me like a mental patient who is unaware of what is occurring around me, so I learned a few things about my situation that I might not have otherwise.

 

Please help me `cause I'm breaking down

This picture's frozen and I can't get out

Please help me `cause I'm breaking down

This picture's frozen and I can't get out of here

Believe me; I'm just as lost as you

Believe me; I'm just as lost as you

 

Apparently, my family is on a high speed train northbound to come get me. I just blink in reaction to this news, feeling nothing towards it. A nurse comes in about an hour after they finish their final examinations and hooks me up to an I.V. drip to, as she told me, replace all those nutrients I lost during my escapade. As if the past two weeks had been some sort of nature hike or something.

 

Keep it inside the image portrayed

As if I couldn't stand losing

As if I couldn't be saved, no way

A small confession I think I'm starting to lose it

I think I'm drifting away from the people I really need

A small reflection on when we were younger

We had it all figured out `cause we had everything covered

Now we're older and it's getting harder to see

What this future will hold for us

What the fuck are we going to be?

 

They took me to see a shrink before they would let my parents in to see me. The office was different from what I had assumed it would look like having seen more than one psychiatrist office on TV. There was no desk that we sat across from each other at, nor did I have to lie down on the couch. Instead the doctor and I sat side by side on the very comfortable couch. He gave me a pad and pen and told me to write down whatever I felt like in response to his questions. If I didn't want to answer any particular question then he told me I could simply shake my head no. I guess since we would only have one or two sessions together he started off with the hard questions.

 

“Daisuke tell me, why did you feel the need to run away? We can tell you haven't been physically abused so is their something else going on at home?”

 

I stare at him for a minute and then I write down a two word answer `walk about'.

 

He looked at me funnily before asking for clarification “what do you mean when you say `walk about'?”

 

I write for several minutes before handing him back the pad. `I'm using the Australian term for a journey to work out a problem inside my head. I was walking north to go visit my uncle Naoto to give myself some time to figure out what I'm going do about something that's going on back home. I still haven't figured it out though.'

 

“Why didn't you just talk with your parents or your sister or a friend instead of worrying all of them like this? Or why didn't you at least tell them where you were going?”

 

`Second question is easy, they would have known where to look for me and stopped me a lot sooner than they did. As for the first question it's kind of hard to talk with people who aren't there and this problem isn't the type of thing a guy feels comfortable talking to his friends about.'

 

The doctor pauses and makes some notations on his own notepad, which I can't see, before turning to face me fully and asking a different type question. “Can I ask you, does this `problem' have anything to do with your sexuality?”

 

I hide my face from him and frown which probably answers his question but he patiently waits for me to give him a real response.

 

Please help me `cause I'm breaking down

This picture's frozen and I can't get out

Please help me `cause I'm breaking down

This picture's frozen and I can't get out of here

Believe me; I'm just as lost as you

Believe me; I'm just as lost as you

 

When I turn back around to look at him I have tears forming in my eyes. I slightly nod my head yes.

 

“Your parents aren't opposed to that type of relationship are they?” the doctor asks me quietly.

 

I shake my head no and scrawl out `not that I know of.'

 

“Then can you tell me why you felt the need to run away.”

 

I mouth the word `because' before collapsing against his chest in a storm of tears. `So much for having an emotional block' I think to myself as my crying fit winds down several minutes later.

 

The doctor gives me a gentle smile as I sit back up. “There now, I believe you should feel better having gotten that bit of angst out of your system. So do you think you can talk now?” he quietly inquires.

 

After I open my mouth to speak and nothing comes out I get an anxious look on my face.

 

“Don't worry about being able to speak yet, we just haven't found the right trigger. Just you wait and see, something will happen to remove this mental block your subconscious has erected and your voice will come back like it never disappeared; except for a bit of hoarseness which throat lozenges will take care of ” the doctor reassured me.

 

I'm just as lost as you

Oh well what am I going to do

I'm afraid I'm falling farther away

I'm falling farther away

I'm falling farther from where I want to be

 

After the doctors visit I was feeling a bit better even though I still had no idea what I was going to do about Takeru. Also without the emotional block in place I was now free to worry about my parents' reaction to my admittedly reckless actions. I wasn't worried about any punishment; I knew that would come later. What had me nervous was whether or not my running away would cause any permanent positive changes in the way they interacted with me, or would they go back to ignoring me as usual. I guess only time will tell.

 

I am escorted by a nurse to the front lobby where another officer is waiting to take to the police headquarters to wait for my parents. I have to admit it feels good to be clean again. While I was experiencing my emotional collapse I was given a sponge bath which I didn't react to at the time, though now the thought makes me blush. Also the clothes I was wearing had been washed sometime during my stay so I was physically as prepared as I could be to see my parents, emotionally though was, again, a different story.

 

TBC…

 

A/N: Sorry if this chapter seems disjointed, I wrote it that way on purpose. I mean come on Dai-chan is in the hospital plus he is not in the best mental state so his thought processes are going to be erratic. Also I have taken basic college A and P courses and a microbio course but that is the extent of my medical knowledge so if anyone out there finds any of my information to be wrong ignore it please for the sake of my sanity.

 

Cool quote: 1 “The man who makes no mistakes does not usually make anything” -Bishop W. C. Magee (1821-1891)

2 “We did not dare to breathe a prayer

Or to give our anguish scope!

Something was dead in each of us,

And what was dead was hope.”

-Oscar Wilde (1854-1900) The Ballad of Reading Gaol