<center>--=* Ch. 3 *=--</center>

<i><center>~To watch you go

I kept everything inside

And even though I tried

It all fell apart

What it meant to me will eventually be a memory

I tried so hard, and got so far

In the end, it doesn't even matter

I had to fall

To loose it all

In the end it doesn't even matter</center></i>

<center><i>I tried so hard

In spite of the way you were mocking me

Acting like I was part of your property

Remembering all the times you fought with me

I'm surprised it got so far

Things aren't the way they where before~</i></center>

His first conscious thought, after his breathing was more or less normal and the rest of his senses returning, was 'oh <i>damn</i>'. Everything was tilted, even the room. Out of whack. Daisuke cursed himself and, at the same time, was mystified by the intensity of his…act. He knew about sex, had even a few rudimentary skills, but this…

This was an entirely different thing. This blew all his previous experiments and feelings out of the water. Was it supposed to feel so good to have your worst enemy do…this…?

He was staring up at the slate-colored ceiling, mentally numb as his skin tingled with a mild wave of goosebumbs. The Kaizer's head, he couldn't quite call him Ken yet, was nestled in the junction between his shoulder and neck; his pale body half on and surprisingly comforting weight. The dark-haired ruler was just as sweaty, just as quiet, and obviously hiding his face as the shudders of his panting coursed through him.

~What happens now?~ Daisuke thought, his face a soft frown. ~I slept with the enemy. Am I a traitor now?~ Somehow, he had given in and kissed the other boy, kissed him hard and with a lot of pent up desire, touched and everything else. That wasn't supposed to happen, not like this and definitely not with the Kaizer. He couldn't quite understand it.

For a moment he had a feeling of being wanted, almost loved. But that was only a fleeting undertone remembered a long time later. Daisuke was more centered on the problem of what they had done, and what happens now. Love and affection now past…He felt the fear and cold ugly doubt that he wouldn't be needed.

Daisuke felt a lot of self-disgust, almost hate, for what just passed. He had won, intentionally or not. ~What the <i>fuck</i> have I done?~ He fucked the enemy. He completely and totally fucked the enemy. His friends would hate him. He didn't even deserve to lead the digidestined, or wear Tai's goggles. How could he face <i>anyone</i> when he knew he didn't deserve to be looked at?

He hated the mixed emotions, the unexpected mild tenderness underneath a film of throat-tightening hatred. Was it hatred? Or just disgust? Was it even that?

~I don't know anymore…~

His mind racing, Daisuke slid into a world of self-blame and mocking, trying to give himself enough of the negative emotions. If he could find enough things wrong with it…

He wouldn't <i>like</i> the feelings…laying under the Kaizer…his kiss…touch…

He didn't <i>dare</i> like it.

Wrapped up in his whirling thoughts, Daisuke didn't notice the faint gasps that raised the smooth damp back. Ken, who felt just as confused by the recent mutual submission, was trying very hard not to let his walls crack.

~That wasn't supposed to happen!~ a part of him hissed. That hadn't been his plant at all. He had only meant to go so far…and stop…He would've crushed the desires of his enemy, hurt him…and <i>ruin</i> him and the digidestined.

That's the way it was <i>supposed</i> to go.

~Maybe I didn't plan it well enough,~ he thought after a moment. He hadn't expected to feel <i>anything</i> in return, not like that. It was terrifying and nothing made sense as he tried to think about it and rationalize. Was he incapable of being the Kaizer? Was this a weakness, this heady unforeseen attraction to one of his closest enemies? It had to be…

~What do I do now?~

It did feel nice though, being held, even if only for a brief moment and for all the wrong reasons. He didn't feel so cold now. Ken bit his lip and inhaled the soft airy scent and cursed himself in the same breath for such a weakness. He couldn't bring himself to harm him now. Something, he was afraid of what, kept him from condemning the boy for something he had no power over.

Daisuke was the one to speak first, his voice subdued. "Kaizer…was…"

Ken refused to raise his head and look into the face.

"Was…was that your plan? Did you <i>plan</i> to drive me insane until I ripped of your clothes?" the redhead finally whispered.

Unconsciously shaking and unable to pull the reserves together to find a suitable lie, Ken tried to shrug. "I…not this…no…" he admitted in a whisper, confused enough to be honest.

"You <i>hate</i> me. And I'm supposed to hate you back. But we…we did…"

Ken's cheek rose as Daisuke inhaled shakily, the hurt at those words barely registering. "Yes. I hate you," he whispered fiercely, his fists clenching. "I didn't intend to actually have <i>sex</i> with you. Only to push you…break you…"

Daisuke was silent for a long time, neither surprised or shocked to hear that, feeling out the absurdity of lying within the Kaizer's embrace and talking of hate and control "So what happens now?" he voiced after a silence.

"I'm sticking to my original plans," Ken muttered.

"Which," Daisuke snorted. "Haven't worked either."

Pushing himself to his elbows, Ken mustered the courage to look at the still blushing Daisuke, studying him with an inscrutably eyes and ignoring the last statement. "And what happens when your <i>team</i>," he spat the word," finds out?"

~Oh fun…back to the threats now…~ "Guess…I'm on my own then. They'd hate me." Daisuke looked away. "Can't stop you anyway," he pointed out bitterly. "You'll either tell them or use it against me."

Ken frowned, his hair damp enough to just frame his face in a semi-normal style. "Oh? And if people back in the real world find out about <i>me</i>? My parents would be devastated. Wouldn't yours?"

Daisuke scowled and shot him a dirty look. "How the hell would your parents find out?"

"You know my name! My face!" Ken hissed. "You'd recognize me." Pushing himself away to sit on bent legs, feeling the drying sticky pull of semen, Ken grimaced and looked at his hands.

"So?" Daisuke asked after a second, not bothering to move.

"Idiot. I'd rather not get tracked down in the real world."

"Fine then. I don't spill, you don't spill."

Ken glanced up from his search for his missing clothing, hearing an odd tone in the redhead's voice. "Deal," he muttered after a second of glaring. It didn't take very long for him to find his dropped clothing in the awkward silence. Daisuke after finally pulling himself into a sitting position, had his jeans and underwear in his lap as he thought in silence.

Ken dressed as quickly as he could, unable to express his shyness or his reluctance to leave. Surely he had pressing matters to see to, but…He wondered how long he could manage to keep Daisuke here without to much trouble. His friends would find out eventually, and attack his fortress.

No. Daisuke was free to go. It would be less trouble that way. ~Less temptation.~ his mind supplied succinctly. "Are you dressed yet?" he asked softly, his back turned. He spared a moment to glance down at the fabric in his hands.

Looking up from his introspective, Daisuke watched the back of the Kaizer before him. "Gimme a sec…" he said in a slow voice.

Half turning his head, enough to show the curve of his cheek, the Kaizer replied, "Alright then. I'll wait outside," and walked out of the open door.

Daisuke shrugged to himself and slid into his underwear, then his jeans. He ignored the slightly wet feeling he got as he dressed, moving in a funny sort of mental vacancy, and walked over to the door as he slipped the ragged shirt over his head. Ken was slouched against the wall outside, his glasses on and his posture stiff. The mask was back. ~This is unreal,~ he thought and watched with blankly confused look as the dictator glanced at him briefly, face masked, and jerked around to stride down the darkly-lit hallway.

Following silently, Daisuke trailed fingers against the wall, feeling cold steel and trying not to feel the evidence of their liaison drying between his skin and clothing. At the moment, though, it didn't quite matter.

Something was different, changed, <i>shifted</i>. Whether it was good or bad, the attitude of the blue-clad dictator had shifted into unknown territory. Daisuke had a sneaking suspicion that even Ken himself didn't know what he was doing now. But he kept his uneasy silence and waited, the worst possible thoughts of what happened to him now running through his head.

Ken paused in front of a slim black door, then turned abruptly around to face Daisuke. His face was unreadable. "Put this on," he commanded, holding out a strip of thick black cloth.

"I…what is it?" Daisuke stared blankly.

"Blindfold."

His mind warning him of something <i>definitely</i> out of place, Daisuke slowly turned around after he grasped the fabric with shaking hands and pressed it to his eyes. He fumbled as he tried to tie the ends, his hands nearly nerveless. He turned back around when it was secured, swallowing as he reached out instinctively with both hands. "What now?" he asked in a small whisper. ~What are you doing?~ he felt like screaming.

A warm gloved hand gently took his wrist as the sound of the door sliding back reached him. A faint breeze teased the damp skin of his face. Ken pulled him forward, through the door and onto what felt like earth.

"You're letting me go," Daisuke stated after a long moment after he was forced to climb onto something that felt like carved pebbly granite. The Kaizer said nothing. He yelped as the ground tilted, his hands scrabbling for purchase as he slipped. Only the grip on his waist kept him in place.

He was flying on Airdramon, he realized with a sick little thrill. "Why blindfold me?"

"We agreed that this would remain secret…my location…I think that's included."

Daisuke mulled that over, feeling angry for some reason. A sick sense of betrayal gnawed at him. The Kaizer didn't want him anymore. ~Just like everyone else...he doesn't need <i>me</i>.~ He was being dropped off like an unwanted pet. Furious tears gathered under the blindfold, and Daisuke cursed silently.

Not long afterwards the sense of going lower pulled at his stomach, and the mildly jarring thud as Airdramon landed. He stiffened automatically. "This is it, then," he muttered.

Ken felt him sigh, knowing he was feeling very alone and confused but unable to escape from the self-made prison of coldness, Ken could do nothing. Instead, he occupied himself with leading Daisuke a good ways away into a semi clearing.

"Hey…"

"Don't remove the blindfold until you hear your friends coming. They'll be here shortly," he instructed numbly. "Your digimon will find you, and your D-terminal and D-3 will be sent to you."

Daisuke frowned, feeling himself turned around. "What story should I say?" he finally asked.

"It doesn't matter. Just don't…"

"I know," Daisuke whispered. "This…" he shook his head slowly and heard a faint snort. ~I almost don't want to go.~

A long moment passed, and Daisuke wondered if he had left already, his head turning briefly, when a slight touch grazed his cheek. He jumped with a squeak.

"Daisuke," he heard, the voice containing worlds of untold emotion and unexpected response. Hesitation. Regret.

Warm lips pressed to his in a surprisingly unexpected goodbye. ~Soft…~ Daisuke felt his confusion skyrocket.

The kiss ended as swiftly as it began and Daisuke <i>knew</i> that the Kaizer had finally left, footsteps fading until a soft whoosh signaled the flight out of his life. For several long minutes he stood in the clearing, alone and waiting, fighting against confused tears and the urge to call out after someone he knew was long gone.

~Godammit…~ he thought, a tear soaking the fabric. Daisuke clenched his hands and swallowed hard. His shoulders were shaking as he tried to push away the hurt, the shame and the fear of what he couldn't understand. He fell to his knees, his stomach churning, and curled up with his forehead pressing into the loam of the semi-forest. He felt like screaming, like throwing things, but what he couldn't understand was the feeling of call out and bring the Kaizer back to him.

~I hate him!~ he gritted his teeth. ~I hate…I…I'm alone now…and all I had was hate…~ Daisuke sobbed silently, his mouth open and gasping for air. ~He was all I had, and I <i>hate</i> him…~ After a while, Daisuke couldn't remember if he was crying for himself, or for the lack of a shallow touch. He just cried, letting it work through his system. He knew it'd drive him mad if he didn't try, but nothing made sense. Perhaps he cried for that, for the confusion and the loss.

He didn't care.

<center>~</center>

The sound of familiar voices woke him. Voices that called his name, and despite the fact that he felt like staying in the darkness, compelled him to open his sore eyes. Blearily, Daisuke pulled himself up to a sitting position, his head tilted after the fleeting sound of Tai's voice.

The others must be near here. He could hear them calling for him. They sounded almost worried. For a moment he wondered wildly how they knew he'd be here, sitting cold and tired and lonely in the dark.

~No…don't call back…just…~

~Let them miss you…never know about any of this…They didn't need him…~

But a part of him whispered back that he still knew…and still needed something, regardless of how they saw him. His chest tight with something he couldn't describe, Daisuke pushed everything out of his mind, the Kaizer, his needs and ear and wants…everything, and swore as he pushed to his feet, the mild unnoticed cramps protesting.

~Damn,~ he thought and swiped a grimy plan down his face.

"Daisuke?! Where <i>are</i> you?"

The redhead raised his face, startled. That was Veemon's voice.

"Come back, Daisuke!!!" Yamato's voice. Even <i>he</i> was out looking.

~Can't…~ No matter how much he felt like curling up and hiding from everything…

~But they'll <i>know</i>,~ a horrified little voice creaked. Daisuke ignored it along with everything else, even ignoring the numbness that resulted from the emotional shutdown.

Violently he reached up and tore the black cloth away from his neck, his teeth bared and clenched, his fists doubled around the cloth. He felt trapped for a split second, hating himself and wishing he could run to them, shouting…

The voices started to sound farther away. If he waited just a bit longer, they'd be out of range…gone forever until he returned to the real world. ~It doesn't matter,~ he told himself, trying desperately to convince himself. ~<i>It didn't happen</i>!~

"<i>Nothing</i> happened," he repeated aloud, squeezing the fabric again until his fingers went white and started to ache. For his sake, and for theirs, nothing could <i>ever</i> happen.

With the mantra against the chaos inside, Daisuke stuffed the cloth into his pocket. The pins and needles in his legs were faded, but he still stumbled slightly as he started off in the direction of his friends. He ran for what seemed like miles, pausing only a little in his pace to dodge a low branch or to take a step over the raised roots or brush. He could still hear them faintly in the distance, but the calls were getting shorter and fewer, with longer spaces between.

At the edge of the fourth clearing he caught a glimpse of firelight. Gasping, Daisuke slowed to lean against a tree, the blood rushing to his head and sending his vision into dizzying spirals. The digidestined where huddled together in the center of the clearing, in a low grove of sweet-smelling grass. The digimon that were there had all curled up by their respective partners, or near one another.

~Like the Kaizer's going to attack now…~ he thought bitterly. But they didn't know that. His side aching suddenly, Daisuke bit his lip and watched his friends. They seemed genuinely worried, concerned and afraid. Tai, still standing watch at the center of the group, stood with a surprisingly thoughtful look on his face. Hikari was seated at his feet, staring at the fire with a bleak far-off look..

~They don't need me,~ he thought again as Kari looked up at something Tai said, trying desperately to feel any of the affection he had pursued before…

It was the returning Yamato and Takeru, both carrying broken-down firewood, that caught his attention. Takeru, his hate absent from his head for once, was stubbornly shaking his head, his face dark even from the distance.

~Probably trying to convince them to forget about me,~ Daisuke assumed, pushing away from the tree. He turned away as the brothers passed closer to him than he wanted, and heard the hissed conversation.

"We can't just give <i>up</i> like this," Takeru insisted in a low voice. Daisuke had never heard him so angry.

"Look, Takeru," Yama shot him a dark warning look. "We <i>all</i> feel that way, but we've been looking everywhere! We need to rest!"

Daisuke, hesitating in his attempt to walk away, looked over his shoulder, his face lost in the shadow.

Takeru looked furious as they neared the campfire. "I'm <i>not</i>-"

"Yama's right," Iori said calmly, his hand resting on a sleeping Armadillomon. "We all want Daisuke back. But we need to be careful."

"If he needs space right now, I think we should give it to him." Tai finally interjected, his arms crossed. "We can start up again tomorrow. I'm assuming that since he's escaped, something must have pushed him to that point, instead of waiting for us."

"Tai…"

Daisuke blinked, a part of him twisting at how close Tai's words had come. Maybe he knows already…Reflexively shivering as he watched everyone sigh or nod and settle down near the fire, everything inside wishing desperately to be a simple part of that team again.

"What if he won't come back?" a tearful voice whispered from a pile of leaves.

~Veemon.~

Kari reached down to stroke the smooth blue skin. "Oh, Veemon, don't worry. He'll come back."

~I can't do this…not to him…he's my best friend…~ a part of him cried out, weeping what felt like bloody jagged tears. He had to go back, at least for Veemon. He didn't deserve to be abandoned.

For his sake, he could go back, spoiled and tainted into their circle. Taking a deep breath, Daisuke dropped his hands and forced his cold body forward, heart thumping in his throat. Despite the fact that he <i>knew</i> they wouldn't turn him away, or be able to tell what had really happened unless he told them, the fear that they'd see right through it all swept like broken glass in his blood.

Still feeling faint from his running and the stress, not to mention a little exhaustion, Daisuke stepped from behind the protective screen of trees. His head was still spinning from the adrenaline, he was barely conscious of the short silent walk to the small group of 'friends'.

~Tai…he'll understand…~ he thought with a small edge of hysteria and kept his eyes on the older boy sitting sideways to watch the trees as he stood on the edge of the light thrown from the fire, still barefoot and grimy.

Somehow, as if he could sense the arrival, Tai looked over, his face shadowed but still distinguishable. Sympathy and relief was shadowed in his eyes.

The first of the tears slid down Daisuke's cheek, startling him into a sense of bewilderment. Thinking that perhaps all his tears weren't cried out already, Daisuke simply watched Tai as the older boy watched him, studied him.

Then the dizziness caught up with him as the others began to follow his gaze, swallowing him whole as they cried out in fading cries. For a second he had the sensation of being held, and whispered something incomprehensible over the buzzing in his head to the leader he tried to imitate before the darkness pulled him under, something that had been pushed back to the recesses of his heart.

"…don't…go…"

<center>~</center>

Impassive, Ken switched off the single monitor and felt the shadows drape over the room again, his insides a cold lump in his body. True to his word, Daisuke hadn't mentioned a word about him. Instead, the idiot passed out, like a simple overtaxed child.

The boy genius tapped his gloved fingers together, bridging them in front of his face as he stared at the blackness of his control room. The events surrounding Daisuke bore research and…development. The <i>other</i> side had…retreated in the horror of the aftermath had reinforced the cold dark side of the boy, the part that laughed at someone's pain, and reveled in the success.

This could be interesting to play out.

~Improvising was such a wonderful thing,~ he thought gleefully, ignoring the agonized silence from the human side he kept locked away.

~And I will <i>succeed</i>!~