Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ Wicked Chains ❯ Eyes of Midnight ( Chapter 4 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

By: Sugah

His eyes opened slowly, meeting equally hazy violet eyes that smiled at him as much as the mouth was, tiny soft smiles. Straying indigo hair fell around his face, framing it as Ken nestled closer.

Ignoring the sweat drying in sticky coolness, Daisuke smiled slowly back. His legs still tangled about the paler hips, his hands braced above his head. Remnants of the sex they shared scented the air, still tingled the edges of their nerves and made it impossible not to feel normal as he smiled at the fey-looking boy. It wasn't strange to reach up with stiff arms and pull the boy down for a slow kiss, wordlessly complete.

Daisuke twined a hand through the slightly damp slightly spiky hair as he kissed him. When they broke for air, Ken pulled back enough to bring his face into focus, his look intense.

"I love you," he whispered urgently, everything in him thrumming as he said it.

Smiling back, Daisuke blinked slowly and pulled him down for another kiss. "I love you back," he whispered a moment later, an arm around the neck. He traced a finger down the cheek and a small part of him went wide-eyed at the admission. The rest of him existed of the emotions, surpassing nearly everything in Daisuke.

The part of him that was in awe of this detached from the entwined boys, seeing it from a different perspective. ~This didn't happen,~ the small fraction of Daisuke's self whispered. It remembered the confusion and doubt, the hurt and the rest.

Unable to hear it, though, Daisuke ran a hand through violet hair. "So what happens now?"

Ken smiled mischievously, a glint of teeth in the smile, and drew back to kneel. His mouth opened, but as he did, something shimmered just out of sight. The image of Ken twitched as if in a frozen movie, the frown on his face was both puzzled and surprised. Fear glinted in the depths of his eyes. A hand twisted, pushing against the skin of his chest as he hunched over slightly.

"Ken?" Daisuke pushed up to his elbows while the room, unnoticed, faded into a shadowy void.

Locking his eyes onto Daisuke with slow apprehension, Ken struggled to speak. Then, as he inhaled, his eyes darkened and the boy fell over, face first, into Daisuke's arms. He ignored the sudden feeling of something hot slipping down his side; the surprise and uneasy fear as Ken slumped forward had taken control of his focus. Unable to speak, the redhead jerked forward and pushed the limp body onto the floor. It fell with a muffled 'whmmphn' and Daisuke shivered, and pushed Ken onto his back.

Gasping, he drew his hand back in shock as he discovered the gaping bloody wound slashed through the pale perfect chest. Rivulets of blood, like a mockery of the places he had touched, traced to the floor in thin ribbons, as well as smears of blood on his fingertips, his chest.

"Ken…" Daisuke whimpered, pale, as the part inside of him unable to accept the love was drawing back in horror as well. Against everything in him screaming that you don't touch dead bodies, Daisuke reached out and cupped the face that lay facing the opposite wall away from him, and turned it towards him with shaking hands.

For the second time Daisuke jerked his hand back, feeling stupid for continuing to deny the evidence of Ken's death. No one could survive a wound like this. The certainty was gaping before him. Milky dead eyes, tinged with former blue seemed to watch him with uncanny precision from a blood-spattered face.

~Something,~ Daisuke tried to think. ~oh god something …it ripped his heart out…right here…~ he noticed with a numb sort of horror, his eyes caught in the wound, seeing the white jab of ribs through the red.

"Oh Ken…" he whispered shrilly, swallowing as he pushed away from the body.

Then he screamed as the bloody face followed his, a hand suddenly wrapped around his wrist with unearthly strength, and Ken grinned at him through the blood in his face-

-He woke with the scream on the edge of his tongue, trying desperately to hold it in and knowing that eventually, somewhere, he'd start screaming. Instead of the gut-wrenching cry in his dream, a small wheeze of high-pitched air hissed through his clenched teeth, his body locked into a rigid half-curled position. His skin was clammy with sweat.

~Not again…~ his mind shuddered. ~ I can't take this…~ Daisuke didn't know what was worse, dreaming of the Kaizer's embrace, or the part where he realized that it was a bloody grinning corpse he was holding, pulling him down for another kiss... The emotions ran so high in these dreams, and outside as well, that his body felt seared from the inside out. God…oh dear god….everything was so intense…and the most disturbing part was that they were exactly the opposite of what he should feel…

Forcing his body upright, Daisuke curled his shivering arms around his torso, hugging himself. "Just stop already…" he begged. He didn't know if he was begging for the dreams to end, or the emotions, or both. "It's just a dream. Just a godammed dream!"

~A dream that feels so very real…~ the tiny voice he had been shutting out for weeks now spoke out the quiet statement, mild irony coloring the tone. A dream that he'd been having off and on for the last two or three weeks; he couldn't remember how long ago he had been in the fortress, but the dream…

He was shaking, he noticed a moment later, from a mix of the cool air, the drying sweat and the range of uncontrollable emotions through his unstable heart.

~I just want to be normal…~ he wished for the hundredth time. ~I want to go back to the way I was before…without of him…without…~ An ache of emptiness hollowed out inside him again, widening the spaces he felt as keenly as a knife.

~I want to go back to trusting myself…my friends…~

After a silent moment in the early morning light filtered through the curtained window, Daisuke glanced over at the alarm clock and nearly groaned. 6:23 in the morning. He sighed softly instead, letting his body slump backwards into the mattress and curled into the remaining warmth of the covers. He knew he wouldn't be able to get to sleep again, but it was way to early to be moving around. His parents would definitely know something was wrong if he was awake before 7:30.

Too bad it was only Tuesday. Another day of avoiding questions and testing his acting skills. Another day of wishing that he could just tell the rest of the team and be done with it. The rest of him, though, managed to retreat in the fear of the idea at the same time.

But something told him, whispering in a thick dark voice from the depths of his mind, that today was going to be bad.

~I'm so sick of pretending to be okay,~ he thought, opening his eyes under the shadows of his crossed arms, his head pillowed on the table and looked at the close-up yellow Formica top. A small grimace teased at his features. ~I'm so sick of not being noticed…passed over…forgotten…~

~Sick of everything…~

Sighing softly, he raised his head and propped his chin on his forearm, watching the others with a carefully blank look. Everyday the same thing. Everyday the same struggle not to scream out what a failure he was. A traitor. A lie.

The 'team' thought he was fine, apparently. Nothing had happened tat was too horrible, so it was okay to treat him with the regular ignorance. Only Takeru spoke more than five words to him at a time. Daisuke snorted in bitter amusement. It was either put up with the 'team' or go and get cornered by Yamato and Tai.

He hated avoiding his friends, hated pretending and lying and acting like there wasn't anything wrong. Sad as he was to admit it, he had realized not too long ago that he was better off as Ken's little prisoner, his little pet. At least he hadn't ever ignored him. Or laughed at him.

~He had wanted me, at least for something…if only for a little while…~ Even if the Kaizer…Ken…was using him, it was for something. Even if it was abnormal, or wrong…it was something.

It had taken a week of sitting around, trying to remember the story he had muttered in those first few days as they all traveled back out of the digital world. A week of forcing himself to think he was okay and pushing the memories away.

"Hey baka, I'm talking to you!"

Daisuke winced at the shrill angry tone and looked over in Miyako's direction. "Yeah?"

Sighing in the special way that told him exactly what she thought, Miyako uncrossed her arms and leaned towards him. "I asked you if you got the supplies for the project due next week? We are partners, you know."

Daisuke groaned before he realized it, a faint blush on his cheeks and slumped in his seat. "Ano…I forgot," he mumbled. ~three…dammit…two…one…~

"I figured you would," Miyako sneered. "That's why I went out myself and got it. Honestly Daisuke, you act more stupid everyday."

~Sick of this too,~ Daisuke thought angrily, and before he realized it, he had raised his head and was glaring at her. "God, Miyako," he said in the same tone she had just used. "If you knew then why the fuck did you even bother to bitch?"

The conversation around the table ceased, frozen in the icy silence between them while Miyako, twitching, looked faintly shocked at the response.

"Daisuke," Takeru frowned gently. His gaze moved back and forth uncertainly.

"Oh shut up, Takeru," Daisuke snapped. "Since when did any of you even bother to see me as more than 'stupid little Dai-chan'?" A small thrill of amusement mocked him as they gaped in the appropriate surprise.

"How dare you!" Miyako breathed, her face white for but two spots of bright red. She seemed to be seriously pissed.

Daisuke, unsurprisingly, couldn't find the heart to care. "I'm sick of being ignored by people who say they're friends," he muttered and reached out to grab his backpack, ignoring the laughter that was bubbling up inside him. He had a feeling that if he let it out, it would be the hysterical insane kind.

"You pretentious little prick!" Miyako hissed. "We saved your sorry ass and helped you and all you can do is bitch? Who the hell do you think you're speaking to?!"

Daisuke, standing now, hitched his backpack over his shoulder. His face a perfect smooth mask despite the volatile mix of hysterical anger, his voice even, he replied. "Saved? He let me go, Miyako. He let me go! And I came back to this!!"

For a second time he enjoyed the look of confusion. Oh it definitely felt nice to finally stop pretending, he realized as he turned to walk away. A sputtering noise, hissing and talking that didn't seem to mix well, made him turn around and take a parting shot. "Besides," he smiled darkly. "He's such a great kisser."

Two hours later he found himself wandering the streets of the downtown area, his backpack still around his shoulder after he'd practically ran out of the building, grinning and feeling like screaming all over again.

Yet…~stupid,~ he thought. The word seemed to repeat itself over and over as he walked. He had screwed up, in his play for the upper hand, and let it slip that something had gone on in the fortress.

In the dungeon.

With the Kaizer.

God knows what they were thinking or fantasizing…

A swirl of screaming worry engulfed him, tightening his throat and stinging his eyes as he swallowed the tears away. ~stooo~oopid,~ his mind drawled amicably. It seemed happy to pop in and say it again.

Goddamn Miyako. Damn her and her black hole of an ego. Damn her and her misuse of his life, of him…

Daisuke pushed the depression away, the hurt and the anger, and looked around to orient himself. A frown of confusion crossed his features. ~Where am I now?~ he thought in irritation.

He stood in the middle of a sidewalk, with a few high-class houses and some middle-level management buildings on the left. He must be near or close to the business area of..whatever part of the city he was in. A block or so down the street he could hear laughter, like a playground, or a park.

There'd be other kids there. If they started looking for him, at least he could give them a run for their money and blend into the crowds.

~I hope,~ Daisuke thought with a deeper frown, and trudged in the direction of the youthful laughter.

He came to a chain-link fence, the sure sign of a playground, and looked through the small loops of metal, his fingers unconsciously hooking through them as he examined the expanse of green.

It wasn't a playground, it was a field. A school's playing field, for soccer or the like. Daisuke sighed wistfully. A group of boys near his age were huddled yards away, mere green and black specks against the silver of the bleachers. It was their laughter that he had heard, and instinctively followed.

A pang of wistful regret struck him soundly, twisting his insides as he thought of the times he'd laughed honestly with his own team, feeling more a part of something as he ran up and down the field. God, he missed that more than anything.

He sighed deeply, and watched the players rise from the steps and seats of the bleachers to huddle around the captain, and set up for a practice match, wishing that he could be on the field for a while, forget his problems…Daisuke trailed his fingers against the cool grid-work of metal and walked, following the flow of the game with his eyes as he edged along the fence.

Then he saw him.

Ken.

Swallowing against a painful lump in his throat, his fingers pressed painfully against cold wire, Daisuke stared at the pale vision as he sped by, his concentration on the ball. His dark violet eyes fierce, full of snap and glee as he commanded the field with familiar grace…

~I don't want to be here…I don't want to feel this…~

The indigo hair, freed from its spiky aggressive look, flowed like silk around the ephemeral slim face, soft and begging to be touched…

~…he looks so different…~

Quick athletic turns…a fierce grin as he scored a second goal...raising his hand to flip a lock of stray hair…

Daisuke closed his eyes, feeling dizzy and hot and thrilled, and leaned against the fence, the metal cool on his forehead. Ken looked so…human…so normal…

~Turn around…go away, Daisuke…just go away and forget it…~

~He doesn't have to know you're here…watching…lost…~

 "Hey, kid, heads up!!" 

His chocolate eyes flew open at the unfamiliar voice, getting a brief glimpse of a close up black and white ball before it smacked into the other side of the fence, straight onto his forehead. His backpack went flying as he stumbled back and fell on his back, his head ringing with white noise.

The next thing he could hear was the concerned babble of voices as the entire team crowded up around the fence.

"He alright?"

"Did you see that?"

Daisuke groaned, a hand pressed to his forehead and struggled to sit up, blinking at the sea of faces staring at him. He felt like a monkey, then, as he watched wordlessly while they threw questions about his head and what he was thinking of, standing there like an idiot.

Too late, however, he remembered that there was a certain dictator among the group of teens, and how embarrassing it would be for him to catch him here…

"What's going on?"

Too late indeed, Daisuke realized as the cool voice reached his ears and the kids parted to let the other boy through. "Nothing," he rasped, reaching for his bag and praying that Ken wouldn't recognize him with half of his face covered. "I'm fine, really, just zoned out…sorry…" He stumbled to his feet, avoiding the surprised look and flash of joy in Ken's eyes.

"Daisuke…?" the tone held surprise, uncertainty…laced with faint hope.

Cursing himself as he looked up, telling himself that it was a bad idea to even think about the blue-haired genius, Daisuke met the violet eyes, and half-shrugged before he knew it.

"What are you doing here?" was the next question. Ken had pressed himself close to the fence, his fingers laced through the wire in a similar manner that Daisuke had done before, watching him with wary eyes.

"I…well…" He couldn't tell him of the fight between him and the rest of the team…that would be stupid. Instead, unable to speak and feeling strangely lightheaded, Daisuke shrugged again, his gazed flickering around in panic, and felt something wet and warm slide down his cheek. He dropped the hand that had been pressed to his forehead, confused why it was colored a dark crimson.

"You're bleeding!!" Ken whispered.

A horrifying persistent image of the dream flickered in his mind…Ken…bleeding, gashed open…dead…Daisuke swallowed thickly, the pain in his head intensifying to a dull thrumming, and looked up slowly as the chain fence began to rattle.

Ken was climbing the fence.

Drawn to the form lithely climbing, Daisuke followed it up, tilting his head and blinked as the world seemed to tilt with him, his head shrill with pain as his knees buckled and his body folding...

Then warm and slightly sweaty hands were lifting his shoulders off the cool gritty concrete, and someone was saying his name, thick-sounding and far away.

Indigo eyes peered at him, pierced him to the core as he closed his eyes and dropped into the darkness, a single thought following him down.

~I've missed those eyes…~