Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction / Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction / Trigun Fan Fiction ❯ My Hizzous ❯ Gerbils, Drugs, Drinking, and Fornicating ( Chapter 3 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

Story By Sarah S. and Lindsey B. (edited by Lindsey B.)

I don't own any of these characters but if I did…. MUAHahaha (you get the picture)

(At my huge house south jersey shore (next to doctor Weirds' factory))

Sarah: I'm eating a health food bar *takes bite, chews* *spits it out all over Lindsey*

Sarah: Aww that's nasty shit.

Lindsey: NO SHIT!

Knives: Why did you spit? You're never supposed to spit!

Vash: *playing tomb raider* Damn I'm addicted to this game.

Sarah: *yelling at Vash* No, you have to jump over it, over it, OVER IT DAMNIT!

Vash: I DONT KNOW HOW......... AAAAAAHHHH IM ON FIRE!

Sarah: NOW SEE WHAT YOU DID!?

Lindsey: Oh my god, not that fuckin shit again.

Vash: *running in circles* Nooooooooooo!

Knives: *looks at Legato eating pie* Legato can I ask you a question?

Legato: Sure master.

Sarah: *grabs controller*

Knives: *whispers in Legato's ear something very nasty*

Legato: Yes sir I have...

Lindsey: Legato... you have what?

Sarah:......... Aaaaaaaaahhhhhh I'm on fire damn it!

Legato: Well its nothing that concerns you.

Vash: See you can't do it either.

Knives: Legato, be reasonable, she records us fucking and sometimes joins, she should know.

Lindsey: WTF TELL ME ALREADY! KNOW WHAT?

Sarah: *throws controller at TV* *then picks it up and throws it at Vash*

Vash: Ow!

Knives: Middie got him really drunk one time… and things happened.

Middie: I resent that!

Legato: *horrifying look on face*

Lindsey: What things?

Knives: Like gerbils and such.....

Middie: And where do you come off calling me Middie, Knives?

Lindsey: Gerbils......

Knives: Since the people who created this told me to... SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP!

Lindsey: GOD DAMNIT TELL ME *begins to strangle knives*

Middie: Fuck you we're not chasing Vash anymore I'm not your pet bitch!

Knives: *cough* Okay..... Legato got a live gerbil planted in his ass!

Lindsey: WHAT!!! Hahahahahahahahah!

Middie: Damn it legato!

Middie: *starts playing sax* *saliva's tune*

Vash: Uhhh......... Can I play now?

Lindsey: *listens attentively*

Sarah: *glares at Vash*

Vash: Ok, ok.

Nicky: You know what.........?

Knives: What?

Lindsey: What?

Nicky: I don't like you people.

Millie: Good then leave!

Nicky: Aaaaahhhhh big lady *runs*

Meryl: Why aren't I in here?

Knives: Because everyone hates you because you remind them of Rem.

Lindsey: hmmm I have a confession to make...........

Sarah: Because you're a whore!

Meryl: No I'm not!

Vash: Yes you are.

Legato: Yes you are.

Legato: wait how would I know that.....

Vash: .....

Meryl: I love you Vash!

Vash: Yea, well, you know what? I don't.

Lindsey: *pulls out the nine pop in the clip and lets one slip*

^Sublime lyrics^

Meryl: *dies*

Sarah:....... Wow Vash you told her.

Vash: Told her what?

Sarah: Never mind.

Lindsey: Like I was saying.

Lindsey: I have a confession to make!

Sarah: What Lindsey.

Sarah: Because you're going to tell us whether we want to hear or not?

Lindsey: Today me and knives cannot fuck and no one can........ because........ I'm bleeding!

Sarah: Heh I just got done.

Sarah: Like two days ago.

Lindsey: The pain *lays down on couch clutching stomach* AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!

Vash: I don't get it you and bro can't fuck because you're bleeding?

Knives: Maybe we should really leave her alone today and replace her with a new character.

Vash: Huh?

Lindsey: IT IS MY PERIOD YOU DICKWEED!

Vash: Huh?

Sarah: Don't even bother explaining.

Sarah: I tried and showed.

Lindsey: AAAAAHHHHHH!!!

Sarah: He just thought I got shot and tried to remove the bullet.

Knives: *picks up Lindsey's screaming aching body up and lays her in stash room and double bolts door*

Vash: Oh no, Lindsey you got shot!!!!!!!!

Legato: What a fucking idiot!

Vash: Thank you *dopy grin*

Knives: Okay Lindsey is too sick to participate in today's following stupid shit, you guys...... I think we need a replacement.

Legato: This could get seriously weird..........

Vash: Ok I think that......

Millie: Hahah he is going to try and think!

Nicky: Aaaaaaaahhh big lady *shoots Millie with cross punisher*

Millie: *dies like Lara Croft in tomb raider*

Vash: Oh no Millie!

Knives: I was beginning to like that chickety.

Legato: Oh well *pokes dead body with stick*

Vash: Jump Lara, jump! *making his controller go up and down* *Lindsey's mom comes by with vacuum makes play station fall and breaks* damn it bitch *pulls out gun, kills mom*

Vash: *still shooting her dead body*

Lindsey: *screaming from inside room* AAAAAHHHHHH MY MOTHER AAAHHHHH!!!!!!

Sarah: *holds up porn* Calm down, Vash.

Knives: Oh my goodness *slaps forehead*

Sarah: Goodness?

Knives: What?

Sarah: Damn Knives loosing your touch?

Vash: Going soft?

Knives: Shut up you stupid cunt licking rag mongrel!

Sarah: .....

Sarah: That's better.

Sarah: but that sorta didn't make sense but ok…

Knives: I'm not losing my touch *straightens out clothes* just ......

AH! never mind you wouldn't understand *paces*

Legato: No, Knives I think we would, explain please...

Knives: *eye bulge* WE ARE MISSING THE OWNER OF THE HOUSE DO YOU WANT ME TO SNAP MY FINGERS OR WHAT CAN WE PLEASE FIND A REPLACEMENT!

Vash: Damn, ok.

Vash: Ummmmmmmmmmm....

Legato: Jezzz you really like this girl bleeding from her vagina

Knives: Ummmm

Sarah: *pats Vash's shoulder* Don't think to hard hunny.

Legato: Ummmmm.

Trunks: Hummmm *Goten's nuts in mouth*

Legato: Ew, camera back on thinkers please!

Vash: I got it!

Knives: HE's got it.........

Legato: *twitch*

Vash: How bought…

Vash: .....

*all anxious to hear*

Vash: Lara Croft.

Vash: *smiles*

Knives: I can handle fucking her.

Vash: I did good?

Legato: As long as she doesn't eat as much as me it's okay.

Vash: Yay, now Knives can we fuck.

Knives: Don't you have Nicky or Sarah?

Vash: ....Wait, I didn't mean that.

Legato: Then what did you mean?

Vash: *sweat drop*

Vash: Uhhh, Umm, don't patronize me Legato.

Lara: *walks in crowd whistles and yells* Hey everyone.

Vash: *drool* It's really you.

Lara: Yes, yes it's me *jumps to the left boobs jiggle* *jumps to the right boobs jiggle*

Nicky: Gazongas *hand motions boobs*

Knives: Oooo boobies... *hands go out like he is a zombie*

Sarah: Damnit now I have competition.

Legato: Thank god I'm only attracted to men.

Lara: Down boys, down boys get a hold of yourself...

Sarah: Vash hers aren't as big as mine, are they?

Knives: Thank god all mighty she is my girlfriend for today!

Vash: Uhh, umm ye... noo?

Legato: Sarah they are huger then yours!

Sarah: Good boy.

Sarah: *slaps legato* Shut your fag ass up.

Legato: Ow dumb stupid… *mummers under breath*

Vash: Well, Lara sorry for me killing you all the time but why the fuck do you get caught on fire?

Lara: The creators made me do it... but of course they never let my skin get scared see *lifts up top*

Knives: *drools* Omigod they're sooo perfect!

Lindsey: SSSTOOOOOPPP LLLOOKING ATTTT HErRRRRRR!!!

Lara: What was that! *looks around*

Knives: Nothing, nothing.

Sarah: So, Lara do you like silicon?

Lara: No... I like cherries though.

Sarah: I would too, if I didn't have mine?

Knives: Do you still have yours?

Legato: Please Knives can't you just tell?

Lara: What are you talking about of course I still have mine...

Knives: *mouth drops tongues rolls on floor*

Knives: Can I show you to your room?

Lara: No I like the living room much better.

Knives: OH HELL YEAH!

Sarah: Well, you ain't gonna have yours anymore.

Legato: Omigod, Middie lets go somewhere quickly!

Lara: I ain't going to have my what?

Sarah: Oh nothing.

Vash: She's going to be scared for life *remembering first time* *shiver*

Knives: *rips off Lara's top and begins ....... you know whating, her you

know whaties*

Knives: They're sooo juicy.

Lara: OH YEAH BABY TAKE IT OFF!

Lindsey: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Middie: You know I don't think I want to right now *drunk off his ass*

Legato: *glares at Middie* WHAT !

Legato: Give me some of that beer!

Legato: *chugs four bottles quickly*

Middie: Middie want more drugs and alcohol

Knives: *showing Lara what he was taught from Lindsey *rubbing his face in her you know what*

Middie: Damn that turns me on.

Legato: Oh man I'm so wasted.

Legato: Where is that wittle twit Meryle she was a nice peivces of arse.

Midie: Nooo I want you now!

Legato: Oops did I say that out loud *gets his mouth evaded by Middie's

tongue*

Knives: Oh yeah, oh yeah bitch scream like the little virgin you are.

Lara: WHAT IM NOT A VIRGIN! Uuuhhh it feels so wonderful to not

be fighting immortal mummies!

Knives: WHAT *pulls out before his nut* You disgusting slut! *runs

away with pants around ankles*

Knives: *unlocks double bolt* I don't care if she is bleeding she is the only one for me!

Sarah: Awwwww, eww but, awww.

Lara: My clothes are all ripped and now I have to walk around naked *stands up - crowd goes wild screaming and fighting*

Vash: Hey........ Buddy yea buddy yea buddy, waz up with me homie, yea buddy yea buddy, whaz up with me homie.

Vash: *rolling on floor with histarical laugher*

Lindsey: Uuuhhh my cervix is killing me.

Vash: Yea buddy.... Sarah's fun when she drinks a lot.

Sarah: So are you, you don't talk as much.

Knives: For some reason I always wake up with a paper bag on my head.

Vash: *sigh* yea....

Legato: Last time I got drunk........ I don't wanna go there.

Lara: I have spent so much time with mummies I haven't the pleasure

Vash: Oh I know.

Lindsey: What the fuck is she still doing here I'm feeling better!

Sarah: Hehe Lindsey chill *hold up pic of naked guys*

Lindsey: Oh look at that one *drools*

Lindsey: Its so big..... *Lindsey snatches it from hand and goes in room*

Sarah: Just don't get it wet........ Eww never mind.

Lindsey: ......

Knives: She never gets that excited over me.

Sarah: .... I meant like water.

Vash: .... Sure you did.

Legato: Sure you did.

Vash: What else could she get it wet with?

Sarah: *looks at legato*

Legato: Why are you looking at me?

Legato: *slaps Vash*

Sarah: Thank you.

Knives: Vash shut up...... Sarah how does he please you?

Sarah ..... What?

Lara: Umm what just happened?

^is still naked by the way^

Sarah: Die bitch! *gets out uzi*

Vash: *lights her on fire*

Lara: I have mine too… *searches on naked body for uzis* DAMNIT!

Lara: Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh I'm on fire *runs in circles*

Vash: This is great.

Lindsey: Trash that whore Sarah!

Sarah: *plants 10 clips in her* Weeeeee!

Lara: Uuuuhhh, Aaahhh, Eeeeehhh, mmmmm!

*crowd boos at dieing lara*

Lindsey: OH SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Vash: I think she's dead *holds up naked pic of guys* calm down, Lindsey.

Knives: Hmmm, Oh no Lindsey she is starting to bleed on your carpet.

Vash: Ewwww blood.

Lindsey: I already have blood coming from my carpet I don't need this!

Knives: TMI TMI! (to much information)

Legato: This is very amusing isn't it?

Vash: *whistles* *a big ass tiger comes and drags Lara's body away*

Vash: Yep, they always like her.

Sarah: Hehehe Vash.... Why did that just happen?

Knives: I know why.

Vash: Tigers like her for some reason.

Knives: Nooo!

Vash: DON'T SAY IT!

Vash: LALALALALALALALALALALA! *COVERING EARS*

Sarah: dude...

Knives: Okay fine.

Vash: Thank god.

Knives: I won't say it.

Vash: Lalalalalalalalalalalal!

Lindsey: What's it?

Knives: I'll tell you later.

Lindsey: Whatever.

Vash: LAAAAAAAAAAAALALALALALAL!

Sarah: SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!

Vash: Ok…

Nicky: Wow haven't talked for a while.

Middie: Let's keep it that way.

Nicky: Damn you used to love me.

Legato: Not until I became the sexmaster.

Middie: I still do I love all my lovers.

Nicky: Yea, ok, Vaaaaassshhhh.....

Vash: Damnit, what do you want Wolfwood?

Nicky: Well, I was thinking…

Vash: Doesn't it hurt?

Nicky: Sometimes.. anyway what are you going to do bout........

Vash: Yes...

Nicky: ......*stares*

Lindsey: Hahahaha!

(That's enough talking for you Nicky)

Vash: What? Your batteries die?

Nicky: *blinking*

Vash: Yep, only good lookin.

Knives: Man, Middie your body is looking extra sensual....

Middie: Fuck off Knives.

Middie: You raped me don't forget that.

Knives: Sorry, already did. *grabs by collar* You will obey or be raped again!

Middie: *plays sax, sends sonic boom at Knives*

Middie: *runs*

Lindsey: OH MY!

Lindsey: OH NOOOO!!!!! FUCK! MIDDIE! HE PUT A HOLE IN MY FUCKING WALL!!!!!!

Vash: You know what I've almost done it with everyone except middie

*everyone stares*

Vash: Not that I want to…

Sarah: Yep......

Vash: Exactly.

Lindsey: okay back to who was yelling at for the hole!

Vash: *pops open a bottle of beer, takes chug* Ahhh nice…

Sarah: *does same* Yep.

*both sit on couch*

Lindsey: Okay maybe not*loads up the bong*

Sarah: Damnit, why do you smoke so much?

Lindsey: *takes a huge hit, sits Indian style on floor*

Knives: *hits bong too*

Lindsey: I smoke because I'm unhappy and it makes me happy so then when I'm happy enough I will stop smoking.

Knives: Wow Lindsey that almost made sense…

Legato: *eats a muffin* Wow it did make sense!

Vash: (turns TV on) Nothing, nothing, nothing.... Ooo Bay Watch...... Nothing, Nothing...... Oh, O.K. let's watch Connan'O Brian.

Sarah: Yea!

Lindsey: Sssaaaaaaawwwwwweeeeeeeeeeeetttttttt!

Connan: Our next guest is....

Knives: *runs out side playing with the giant robot bunny*

Connan: Adam Sandler *Adam walks out on stage*

Adam: *sits by Connan*

Connan: So, Adam, what have you been up to lately?

Adam: Same'ole, same'ole, masturbation here and there…

*Interruption of crowd laughing*

Adam: Well, I had this really weird dream last night…

Connan: Was there any birds in it?

Adam: No… There was this guy named Vash and this girl named Sarah and they were at Lindsey's hizzous and like making out in the bath tub and this guy named Sephiroth was chopping this guys hair off and he got all pissed *Vash shuts off TV* *all stare at each other*

Vash: Well then…

Lindsey: OMG HE IS TALKING ABOUT US!

Vash: No he's not this never happened.

Knives: Like totally sweet! Man I feel so wiggly *is back inside all smelly*

Lindsey: Jezz Knives what were you playing in?

Knives: Kitty litter!

Legato: Shhhh.

Sarah: Wow… but isn't it a bunny?

Sarah: Hey, Lindsey eats cat food what a perfect couple!

Lindsey: Omigod who told you that......?

Lindsey: Oh, wait, I did.

Sarah: Yep, lie I said perfect.

Knives: Yeah, we sure are.

Legato: eew, ew, ew, ew, mushy gushy straight love, some one give me a barf bag!

Lindsey: Oh shut up legato your just jealous!

Sarah: *drinks rest of beer, crushes can on head*

Vash: *goes to do the same but had a bottle and not a can*

Sarah: No don't! *crack*

Lindsey: *takes another hit of bongy*

Vash: AaaaaaaaaaaH I'm bleeding!

Knives: Hahahaha 6 foot dumbass!

Vash: Don't even go there, 7 foot dumbass! *throws bottle at knives*

*Knives goes to dodge but smacks into a wall*

Knives: Aawwww pain!!! *takes big hit of bongy* okay all gone *still

bleeding from eye though*

Sarah: Vash how old are you.

Vash: *starts counting on fingers* carry the 2 add 1 ummm.......132 years old

Sarah: Cool.

Knives: *gets in shower Lindsey follows*

Lindsey: Let's fuck high a "friend" of mine told me its amazing!

Knives: Okay!

Vash: O.K. you know what I need to get drunk.

Legato: I thought you already were.

Middie: *drunk off his ass, talking to legato* You stupid bitch-cunt listen to me rap really bad, fuck you, you cant play the drums, O.K. shut up!

Legato: I remember that party......

Sarah: Wow, Middie go boy!

Lindsey: *from bathroom* HOW DO YOU REMEMBER THAT PARTY YOU WEREN'T THERE? awwwww yesss...

Vash: O.K. red bull and vodka for all!

Sarah: FUCK YEA!

Legato: I was there *twidles thumbs*

Legato: yeah.

Lindsey: Weeee I'm not aloud to drink.

Knives: I am *pulls out and runs wet and naked to get some vodka and red bull*

Lindsey: *breathless* damn it he always fucking goes early!

(TRY RED BULL AND VODKA)

Vash: What's that voice?

Legato: Middie I'm scared hold me!

Sarah: Point of revolution stand up stand and make it loud....

Middie: You cunt-bitch-pussy-fucker holding a rat.

Middie: *passes out*

Legato: Who is holding a rat?

Knives: give me a big tall one Vash!

Vash: WHAT THE FUCK I'm not gay!

Vash: Oh you mean beer *hands knives a beer*

Knives: That is what I said in the beginning on the first chapter!

Vash: Now go away I'm trying to get Sarah drunk.

Sarah: What?!

Vash : Nothing.

Lindsey: Hahaha I'm sooo fucking high weeeee!

Knives: *chugs whole beer*

Legato: CHUG, CHUG, CHUG!

Sarah: *drunk* I… *hick* really need… *hick*… *passes out*

Vash: Yes! *Carries her in room*

Knives: *runs near Vash* brother hook me up one more time first!

Vash: What am I the bar tender now?

Vash: Do it yourself!

Legato: *looks at Middie* I ain't getting any from him tonight..... *looks at Knives fixing another drink* hehehehe

Knives: *chugs a vodka and red bull*

Legato: Hey master...

Knives: *hick* What do you want!?

Legato: Your dick!

Knives: OKAY!

Middie: *now on a microphone* Bitch, fuck, cunt, whore, skank, pussy-eater fuck cock, good god! *passes out*

*Knives and Legato go in room together*

Lindsey: *stoned* Legato is going to rape Knives drunk body..... Maybe I should rape.....

Middie: *muttering* bitc........fuk........

Middie: Not me!

Lindsey: *Ontop of Middie* Sssshhhh, this will feel soo nice in a minute!

Nicky: Damn it I want to get laid! *pushes Lindsey off of Middie*

Lindsey: AH!

Nicky: *drags him into room*

Lindsey: NOOOOOO!!!!

Lindsey: *looks around* *picks up phone*

Lindsey: *dials some number*

Trunks: *stoned* Hey wwazzaa my homiez?

Lindsey: Hey remember me?

Trunks: sure do!

Lindsey: COME OVER NOW!

Trunks: Yes ma'me!

Sarah: jebub chbisb *Vash putting gag in mouth*

Vash: Now you shut up!

Vash: *slaps her lightly*

Sarah: bhabs hgw i likg ib *translated- that's how I like it*

(DON'T READ IF YOU DON'T LIKE DONKEY PUNCHES! X_X)

Knives: *screaming like little high school girl* Omigod VASH! How did you get so good!

Legato: *fucking Knives in ass doggy style... punches Knives in back of head for saying Vash's name, making Knives' ass cheeks tighten more*

(OKAY DONKEY PUNCH OVER )

*Trunks and Lindsey on floor*

Lindsey: Ya know what? I don't even feel like fucking.

Trunks: whatever

Lindsey: Let's TOKE UP!

Trunks: OKAY!

*Bulma and Yamcha come out of closet naked, running to the door and out the house to car*

Goten: *comes out of closet with video camera in hand* Vegeta is going to freak when he sees this!

Goku: No he won't, he loves me now. *punches son*

Goten: OW! Dad that hurt, plus Vegeta is a ragging pussy how could he ever love a dumbass like you!

Goku: because he can control me…

Gohan: *pulls up in drive way in nice convertible, goat in back seat*

Gohan: GOTEN!!! Mom is calling for you!

Sarah: No I'm not!

Goten: No she isn't, she is saying OH GOD VASH HARDER!

Piccolo: *is the goat* BaaaH!

Goten: You're just trying to get me to get in the car with you so you can

have your way with my little body!

Dende: *inside car* Sorry bout this Piccolo.

Piccolo: Baaaa!

Trunks: Goten looks what I got *waves bag of weed around*

Goten: Yea, you know what I don't want any.

*everyone GASPS!*

Lindsey: Don't flaunt that... You could get me in trouble!

Goten: ........ I'm going to go tape mom and Vash.

Lindsey: Have fun!

Knives: *comes out of room still drunk off his ass and naked and stuff is leaking from his ass* Omigod that was the best fuck I have had in the longest time!

Legato: You suck horribly Knives, what has that girl done to your feminine side that I actually liked?

Vash: *singing* I love you, I hate you, I just cant live with out you!

Middie: I wrap my hand around your heart why would u tear my world apart.

Middie: ........fuck.

Knives: *goes to get some clothes for his naked self and finds this thing licks this thing because it smelled good and saw huge monkeys everywhere even know they were his friends he pulled out his gun and starts killing everyone then shoots himself in the head*

*Lara wakes up from being knocked over the head with the blunt side of a gangsters gun* Wow that was seriously messed up *takes off running*

~THEE END~

PEACE AND LOVE