Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction / Gundam Wing Fan Fiction / Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction / Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ The Ref: Anime Style ❯ Act 3 ( Chapter 3 )
[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]
By: Arigatomina 
Anime/Manga: Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction / Gundam Wing Fan Fiction / Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction / Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy / Drama / Romance | Type: Crossover | Uploaded On: 12.19.2002 | Pages: 7 | Words: 6.8K | Visits: 295 | Status: Completed
Anime/Manga: Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction / Gundam Wing Fan Fiction / Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction / Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy / Drama / Romance | Type: Crossover | Uploaded On: 12.19.2002 | Pages: 7 | Words: 6.8K | Visits: 295 | Status: Completed
This is a Christmas humor-fic.
Author's Notes: This fic is based on the movie 'The Ref,' and the dialogue was taken almost verbatim from that movie. I did this for Christmas, and I think it turned out very nicely. I didn't want this cut up, but it was too long to post otherwise.
Category: Anime, Yu Yu Hakusho, Dragonball Z, Gundam Wing, Rurouni Kenshin, possible others, Yaoi, AU-fusion with a movie
Warnings: extremely foul language (done for humor), multiple character bashings (don't take them personally, it's for fun), guaranteed OOC (out of character - again it was done for humor), humor (of course), shonen ai
Pairings: mostly KuramaxHiei, 1x2, and hints of others
Author: Arigatomina
Email: arigatoumina@hotmail.com
Website/Complete Archive: http://www.geocities.com/arigatomina
The Ref: Anime Style
Act 3
An infinitely well-known traditional American movie was playing in black and white, the scene revealing a flower-bush that shook as a man stood near it. Four police officers were watching the show with various smiles, relaxed around a paper-laden table. Yamcha was directly across from the television, and he nodded slowly, not taking his eyes off the screen when he spoke. "You know, I've never seen this movie all the way through."
"Don't you live in this country?" Yashirobi asked, glancing at his partner for a brief second before looking back to the little television.
"Well," Yamcha shrugged, "they show it during the holidays. And what with friends and family, I never got to watch it all.
Outside the little room, two other officers had their coats on and were on their way through the station. Genkai was walking by and Kuwabara paused, shifting the collar of his coat. "Merry Christmas, Lieutenant," he said cheerfully.
"Yeah," Koenma echoed, "Merry Christmas."
Turning, Genkai frowned up at them. "Where the hell are you two going?" she asked, her expression not brooking any argument. "Stay here."
Koenma sighed and frowned at his partner, rolling his eyes when Kuwabara blinked at him. "Did you have to say Merry Christmas?"
"That's the way I was brought up," Kuwabara pouted.
Bringing the two back into the little room, Genkai pushed a tape into the VCR, catching the attention of all the other officers. Her eyes flicked to the tall black-haired Yamcha and she nodded. "Rewind it."
"Ah," Yamcha sighed, grabbing the remote in both hands. "Is this it?" He hit a button but nothing happened, the television screen a dull blue color.
"No, that's fast-forward," Yashirobi snorted, pressing a different button. "This is it."
The television erupted in a series of fuzzes and Genkai's lips curled in disgust. Stalking to the table, she snatched the remote control. "Give me that." She hit the button and turned as the tape rewound. "What you're about to see has to be kept within the confines of this room. Do you understand?" Kuwabara and Koenma moved closer to the table and the others nodded, shifting in their chairs. Turning, she played the tape.
A spiky haired Vegeta was revealed, his face partially shadowed with his flashlight aiming at the camera. Kuwabara gasped. "Wait a minute, that's-"
"Shh," Genkai said, glancing back at him for a second.
"-old man Briefs' place," Kuwabara finished, pointing at the television.
The videotaped thief did something and they heard the 'burglary' cry just before the thief was illuminated and disappeared from sight. Stopping the tape, Genkai turned back to the officers just as the phone rang. "We're going to find this guy," she said, rewinding the video. "I want you to watch it a few times. Then I'm going to organize specific teams, each with a specific geographic location. I-"
"Lieutenant," one of the officers interrupted, pointing a finger at the telephone. "It's some county prosecutor guy..."
Genkai sighed and set the remote on the table. "I'll take it in my office." Her pale eyes flashed around the room on her way out. "Nobody leaves."
The officers turned to watch the short woman disappear, and Kuwabara sighed from the doorway. "Wow."
"Yeah," Koenma nodded.
"Um," Yamcha said slowly, "should we watch it again?"
"Nah, we should wait for the Lieutenant," Yashirobi said, shaking his head.
"Well..." Yamcha looked around slowly. "While we're waiting...?" The heavyset officer to his left nodded and grabbed the remote.
Pressing a button, Yashirobi smirked. "I think this is it," he said quickly. The screen remained a dull blue, only the small white letters REC showing on the left corner.
"No," Yamcha muttered, grabbing the remote. "It's *this* button." The television shifted and they sighed as the movie came back on, the man and woman in a somewhat angsty but dearly romantic pose.
The officers smiled at the scene and even Kuwabara and Koenma relaxed, watching the classical move, 'It's a Wonderful Life.'
* * *
A small building was the only thing next to the harbor besides the little boats. Lights were strung along the edge of the roof, and they twinkled off the gray car as Krillin drove up. It was cold outside, but the short bald man paused to ignite the tip of a cigarette as he looked over the dock. The personal boats, all three of them, were out in the water, the lit windows showing their occupancy. But there was one small boat in the docking space next to the building, a single string of lights hung up along the partial roof. With slow steps, Krillin moved to the boat, and he'd just put a foot on the edge of it when the curtains moved.
"Hey," a man called, his high voice sending a puff of mist in the cold air. He wore a thick coat, and he had spiky black hair that stood at odd angles on his head. But his dark eyes were enough to make Krillin wince in familiar wariness. "Who are you?" Goku asked, frowning warily at the little man.
Krillin swallowed and rubbed a hand over his bald head. "Um...I'm Krillin."
Blinking at the seemingly harmless man's slight smile, Goku relaxed. "What do you want?"
* * *
Shaggy pines stood to either side of the white house, their long needles framing the lit windows. Inside, Kurama's soft voice held a tone of humor. "That was quite an outburst," he commented, green eyes watching his silent mate. "I should tie you up more often." From his place tied to the next post, Hiei didn't open his eyes. Kurama sighed. "Listen, about the restaurant, I didn't say-"
Hiei turned his head, narrow eyes flicking back to Duo. "How did you get home again?"
The bathroom was far too close to the bedroom, and Vegeta could hear them through the closed door. He poured cologne on his hands and rubbed it against his cheeks, frowning when he heard the boy's answer.
"I got a ride from a friend."
"Which friend?" Hiei asked suspiciously. "Do I know him?"
"All right," Duo sighed, rolling his eyes. He was tied on the other side of the bedpost, so he couldn't see his adopted father, but he didn't really need to. "I took a limo, okay?"
"A limo," Hiei repeated, his eyes wide. "Where'd you get the money for a limo?"
"Okay," Duo said sharply, "I didn't take a limo, I *stole* one, okay? Is that better?"
"Listen," Hiei growled, "if you can't answer a simple question-"
The voices rose into the bathroom and Vegeta clenched his teeth, leaning over the sink and turning the water on full blast in a vain attempt to drown the sound out.
"Quit it!" Kurama said, his voice rising over the lower growl.
"I'm asking my son a simple question," Hiei spat.
"No," Kurama cried, "You're not. You're not!"
"-because you never disciplined him," Hiei said, his deep voice seeming to vibrate right through the bathroom door. Vegeta stopped with the water and put his hands over his ears, humming in an attempt to block them out.
"If you hadn't sentenced him to that prison," Kurama said, his green eyes wide.
"It's not a prison, it's a military academy," Hiei corrected testily. "I went there. I was-"
"Oh, yeah," Duo interrupted, his voice sarcastic, "for a summer! I go there for my whole entire high school life."
Hiei's eyes narrowed and he glared over his shoulder. "You were sent there because normal high schools wouldn't enroll you anymore. They were-"
Vegeta's humming had given way to a loud repetitive chant, reminiscent of Native American Indians, his hands clamped over his ears. The voices overlapped each other, growing steadily louder and he snapped. Jerking the bathroom door open, Vegeta stalked toward the bed. "Okay, that's *it*! What the hell is wrong with you people? You're supposed to be a family. How can you talk to each other like that? Let's just go on Oprah and get it over with. Christ!" Silence was held and he looked between them, an unlit cigarette hanging on his lips. "What's the quickest way to the docks?"
Kurama looked back, "You take Main Street-"
"You take Bainbridge," Hiei started, his eyes snapping to Kurama.
"You take *Main* Street," Kurama said, raising his voice and frowning at his mate, "and turn left on Domino Square-"
"You can't make a left on Domino Square," Hiei said, rolling his eyes, "it's a one-way street-"
"You *can* make a left," Kurama cried.
"No," Hiei argued, "Bainbridge is the only two-way street to the docks. You go-"
Looking up at Vegeta's pitiful expression, Duo sighed. "You know, you're never getting out of here," he said sympathetically.
Vegeta dropped his eyes, barely resisting the need to bite down on the cigarette. After a second he shook his head, his eyes rising to the ceiling.
"Why don't you just take the highway," Kurama said, tossing his head against the bedpost.
"Why would you take the highway?" Hiei asked, frowning over at him.
Kurama's eyes flashed and he snorted at his small mate. "Because it's *quicker*."
"Not the way *you* drive."
* * *
Having finished with her phone call, Genkai stood near the television, her eyes moving over the attentive officers. "All right," she said sharply, "we don't have much time. Pay attention to any distinguishing features." Turning, she hit the play button.
The screen fuzzled for a second before revealing that same, poignantly mixed angstily romantic scene. The man pulled the woman closer, his voice shaking with emotion as he explained his lack of need for romance in his life. Genkai frowned in confusion, looking at the remote, and she missed the looks the officers exchanged behind her. Her eyes widened slowly and she rewound the tape, hands shaking when the same scene played again. "..."
"Lieutenant Genkai?" A black-clothed officer stood near the door, his low cap revealing glinting eyes. Saitoh's gaze bore into the short woman. "I believe you have some evidence on your possession which belongs to the county prosecutor."
All eyes turned back to the man, widened, then slowly swiveled to watch as Genkai's face fell in defeat.
* * *
Vegeta paced small circles around the free space in the bedroom, swinging one of the dolls he'd found on the dresser. The small head fit just right in his hand, and he waved it about fitfully. "I don't believe it," he muttered to himself, cigarette still between his lips. "No sense of time..." Three sets of eyes were following him, but he didn't pay any attention, his anger building quickly. "Never again," he growled, kicking the bureau and wincing at the abrupt pain.
"Excuse me," Hiei said, glaring back at the man. "Those dolls belong to my mother. She's been collecting them for years. Could you *please* be a little more careful with them?"
The man's calm voice made Vegeta's eyes light up and he moved to stand over Hiei, his lips curved into a smirk. "I'm sorry," he growled. Holding Hiei's red-eyed gaze, he ripped the head off the doll and flung the body across the room into the bureau, the head following immediately after.
"You know," Duo spoke up, "if he doesn't call, you're dead in the water."
Hiei frowned, turning his head to the side. "Duo, be quiet."
Snorting softly, Vegeta nodded. "Listen to your father, kid."
"I'm just stating the obvious," Duo frowned.
"Duo," Kurama hissed, "Stop it."
Vegeta moved to stand over Duo, and the boy nodded solemnly up at the angry man. "What is it, twenty minutes until curfew? And I heard on the radio they found a ski mask at the scene. Did anyone get a good look at you?"
The news report on the television across the room caught Vegeta's attention and he moved to it with a dark scowl, listening to the woman.
"To residents of Paradise, Dr. Briefs is known as the gadget king. A child-like eccentric, he is noted for his love of animals, his inventions and the generous contributions of his daughter, twenty-three year old Bulma Breifs, to the field of science. We now go to the Briefs mansion, and our live scene reporter, Misao, for the update."
With dull eyes, Vegeta lit his cigarette as he listened to the young woman who was suddenly shown.
"Thanks Karen," the woman smiled, "Paradise residents will be competing for top dollars before tonight's curfew goes into effect. Professor Bulma Briefs has confirmed that the reward is now two hundred thousand dollars." The young woman's eyes glinted with a hungry light and she smiled into the microphone. "This may turn out to be a *very* merry Christmas for some lucky family."
"Fuck." Gritting his teeth, Vegeta snapped off the television. He tossed the control next to it and stalked past Duo. Puffing on his cigarette, he groaned, and almost stepped on the boy's outstretched legs. "I'm in hell. Jersey is the fifth ring of hell..." A sharp beeping went off suddenly and he froze, his eyes flying over the room. He grabbed his gun and tensed. "What the fuck is that?!"
Hiei's mouth opened, but he closed it firmly, his hand moving a bit to point at the ceiling. The black-haired man turned and cursed as he spotted the smoke detector. Gun still in hand, Vegeta grabbed the whicker chair next to the bureau, clothing falling aside as he moved it beneath the screaming alarm. He stepped onto the seat, but his foot went right through the flimsy weaving, and he crashed to the floor.
"Jesus!" Vegeta cried, tossing the broken chair aside as that loud piercing beep continued to fill the room. He didn't notice how Duo's shoulders were twisting against the bedpost, his focus on the alarm. Holding onto the bedpost, Vegeta stood with one foot on the bed and swung the gun at the smoke detector, a startled cry leaving his lips when he lost his grip and fell to the floor.
"What happened?" Hiei muttered, not having seen the mishap, though he'd heard the thud.
Never one to be tied down, Duo had managed to work his wrists out of the bungee cord. He moved when the man fell near him and snatched up the gun, scooting back a few feet. With the gun aimed at Vegeta, who was now crouched on the floor, he shook his head. "Stay where you are," he warned.
Hiei's back was to the scene, but his red eyes narrowed and he arched his neck, trying to look at the boy who'd spoken. "Duo."
"Untie my parents," Duo said quickly, watching as Vegeta moved slowly onto his knees. The man suddenly looked like a black-clothed predator. "Now."
Vegeta held his pose, his hands and knees putting him at about eyelevel with the seated boy. "Kid," he said quietly, "what are you doing?"
Duo stood quickly, holding the gun aimed with both arms. "I mean it! Untie my parents *now*."
Hiei's eyes widened when he saw the gun and he tensed against the bedpost. "Duo-"
"Duo," Kurama said quickly, "call the police."
"Duo," Hiei cut in, his deep voice holding a hint of fear with his warning tone, "put the gun down."
Standing slowly, Vegeta threw a glare at the two adults. "Shut up."
"Phone the police," Kurama urged, frowning when Hiei glared at him.
"No," Hiei growled.
Duo backed up, suddenly very aware that he'd never held a gun on someone before. "Get back on your knees," he warned, his voice shaking, just a bit. "Now. Get back on your knees, or I'll shoot."
"You will?" Vegeta asked quietly, stalking toward the slender boy.
"I will," Duo said quickly. "I will, I'll shoot you."
"Because I'm going to keep on walking," Vegeta said smoothly. The boy glanced over his shoulder and Vegeta nodded at the white phone sitting next to the bed. "Can you get to that phone before I get to you?"
"Duo." Hiei's jaw was tense, and he could see Vegeta's muscles clenching beneath the man's black clothing. "Duo, put the gun down."
Duo's eyes widened and he tensed, his hands tightening on the gun. The fire alarm was pounding in the room and he turned a bit toward the phone, ready to shoot at the slightest provocation.
A sudden ringing made the boy's violet eyes turn toward the phone and Vegeta darted forward in that instant, wrestling the gun out of Duo's hands. The boy let out a sharp cry, but he moved the gun away, merely shoving Duo onto the bed. Without a word, Vegeta aimed the gun and shot the smoke detector, effectively halting that annoying call. The telephone's ringing continued and he picked the white set up, circling the bed and setting it down next to Kurama. Green eyes met him and he lifted the receiver to the redhead's ear.
Sighing, Kurama tilted his head into the telephone. "Hello?"
"Kurama?"
Wincing at the woman's voice, Kurama rolled his eyes and listened.
"It's Keiko." She was standing at the payphone outside the little store, and the woman smiled into the phone. "I just wanted to let you know we got a little held up," Keiko said. "We'll be there in twenty minutes. I hope that dinner isn't ruined." The voice on the other end started to say something, but she nodded quickly. "Well, bye." Yusuke and Botan were standing outside the store and Keiko waved at them, her sickly sweet voice changing abruptly as she waved at them. "Get in the car!"
Back in the bedroom, Vegeta set the phone on the hook with an intense frown. "Twenty minutes," he muttered, looking at his watch. "Looks like there's going to be one more for dinner, ne?"
* * *
Soft Christmas music played on a radio in an immaculate office, but the dark-haired boy didn't pay it any attention. Heero sat at his desk, lovely cards lining the wall behind him as he stared at the envelope in front of him. He could practically feel eyes on him from the picture on his desk, and he glared, his dark blue gaze snapping up to look at the girl. A sandy-blonde female, smiled back, her long hair perfectly straight, and her expression one of knowing superiority. His girlfriend was exactly what his guardian approved of. Heero snorted, his fingers flipping open the envelope and pulling out the negatives of his latest mistake.
The pictures weren't only ones of sordid sexual nature, and he paused over one, taking in his own expression. He should have known Duo had hidden cameras after the first encounter. He had known. But despite that, he'd come back anyway. The longhaired boy was laughing in the photo, seated on the edge of the bed in his uniform. And Heero felt a glimmer of humor at his own intense face in the picture as he stared at the boy. That was why he kept coming back. Duo was blackmailing him with the truth of their encounters, but there was something about the violet-eyed student he simply couldn't resist. And it didn't help any that his 'girlfriend' was in name only. Glancing up at the picture on his desk, Heero flinched when the phone on his desk rang.
A sweet and bright voice cooed at him on the telephone, wondering why he was so very late. He could tell from Relena's voice that she was not at all pleased, but the girl obviously had company. She was holding a polite tone, too sweet to be alone. If she'd been alone, his ear would be blistering by now. Heero's eyes fell to the negatives open on his desk and his back straightened slowly. Staring at that last picture, he sighed. "No. I won't be there tonight," he said, his voice carrying a note of finality. "I have to take a trip." Shock hurt his ear, but his lips curved into a slow smile. "I'm going to Paradise."
* * *
The man tied him better this time, and Duo winced as the bungee cord was pulled tight around his arms, binding him to the chair. His parents' closet was dark, but he caught Vegeta's eyes easily enough. "Look," he said slowly, tilting his head. "You're making a mistake. I could help you out, you know. I have eleven thousand dollars worth of cash hidden in my-"
"Hey," Vegeta frowned, crouching beside the boy. "Look, kid. I'm having a really bad day. Right now I'd rather be in the pen than this fucking house. So do me a favor-do yourself a favor, and cut the shit." The violet-eyed boy shook his head and Vegeta groaned.
"I'm not," Duo said, frowning. "I have a little blackmailing deal going on at school and-"
"Blackmail?" Vegeta said, his dark eyes widening in disbelief. "What are you, fifteen and you're doing-blackmailing people?!"
"Yeah," Duo said, his eyes wide. "I needed some big money fast." He sighed and glanced away. "I was desperate. I wanted to get out of here."
Vegeta's eyes narrowed and he snorted softly, looking back to the partially lit doorway as he remembered the antiques in the house. "Desperate about what?" he muttered.
"Let's see," Duo said, letting out a frustrated laugh. "I've got two years, four months left of military school. My parents hate each other. Hiei records every mistake in my life like he's preparing for my parole hearing. I don't get to do anything by myself, *and* I live in the suburbs." Tossing his head, Duo let out a soft snort of his own. "*You* figure it out."
"So where are you going to go?" Vegeta asked, his low voice holding a tint of curiosity.
"I don't know," Duo admitted, frowning at his legs. He blinked, then turned to look at the black-haired thief. "Where do *you* go?"
"Where do I go?" Vegeta smirked. "Let's see. I usually end up in Jamaica with this friend of mine, Bardock. He steals appliances off of trucks. I get the money back from the fence, which is usually *half* what the stuff's worth, spend the money, come home, and start all over again. Of course," he muttered, "this time was supposed to be my big break, the big retirement score."
"Why are you quitting now?" Duo asked, frowning in confusion. "You have a great life."
Vegeta stared for a second before scowling at the boy. "Let me explain something to you, kid. What I do, running around, stealing shit, may sound great when your fifteen years old. But it sucks, just a little bit, when you're thirty-five, no family, no house. I have a partner, he's forty, he's a fucking alcoholic, he *still* can't figure out why they took 'Happy Days' off the air. And then I have to turn around and see kids like you, one after another, on these talk shows, you've got everything. You've got opportunities out the ass, you've got a family to come home to and what do you do? You sit around and you bitch and you moan because things don't go your way." Duo was staring at him with a frown and he waved a hand at him. "Well, you know what, kid? Welcome to the real world where, most of the time, things *don't* go your fucking way."
"Easy for you to say," Duo muttered, scowling at the man. "You aren't the one tied up. Everything *goes* your way."
Teeth grinding together, Vegeta rolled his eyes. "You know what," he muttered, standing and moving behind the boy, "I had you pegged wrong." Using a tie, he gagged Duo, tying it in a tight knot. "You don't have a brain in your fucking head." The boy glared at him, and Vegeta paused in the doorway, his eyes glinting over a disgusted smirk. "Merry Christmas."
Vegeta stepped into the bedroom, shutting the closet door behind him as he moved into action. "Now," he said sharply. "We don't have much time." Moving to untie Hiei, he continued. "Rules of the house, no telephone except for the one in the kitchen, no television, tell them the cable's out." Hiei finished the unwrapping and Vegeta waved for him to untie Kurama. "Nobody on the second floor in case your son makes any noise. We are one unit," he said, following them out of the bedroom. "I want the two of you together, in front of me, at all times. And no arguing either. When the two of you fight, you forget about everything else." His hostages moved to check their appearances in the mirror and he caught their eyes. "You just behave and pay attention, or I'm taking your son with me, okay?"
Kurama's suits were too slender and tall for Vegeta, but luckily they found one that had never fit. It didn't look *too* bad. The redhead had to fix his tie for him since Vegeta had never worn one, but the final results were rather nice. Straightening his back, Vegeta sighed. "Now, tell me about this doctor guy."
* * *
Genkai sat in her office, not having bothered to turn on the lights. Her mood was a dark as the room, after the humiliation of explaining the incident with the tape, and she was just lifting a cup of alcohol for a much needed distraction when someone stalked in. She recognized the man as the one who'd railed at her earlier, and she paused, dull eyes flicking over Karasu's expression.
"I received a call from Yamagatta," the tall man said, stalking into the office, "the county prosecutor. "You'll be happy to know that in spite of *your* bungling, he's confident that he will catch *our* thief during curfew." The woman didn't react and he pulled a little book out of his coat, opening it with a slight smirk. "And another thing. He said your men are to assist and report to me, as per his instructions." Genkai continued to stare at him with a lazy expression and he closed the book, waving at the phone. "You can call if you like."
Tapping her finger on her hip, Genkai tilted her head and waited.
"Oh, yes," Karasu said suddenly, his eyes widening as if he'd forgotten. "Your Christmas wish came true." He laughed, smiling at the woman. "You're to be out of here the day *after* Christmas. Isn't that a lovely noel? It's been swell." Waving, merrily, he turned to leave.
"Karasu." The black-haired man glanced back at her, and Genkai kept her expression clear as she took in his raised eyebrow. He thought he was better than everyone because of his looks, position, and wealth. Her lips nearly twitched, but she managed to remain absolutely solemn. "I nailed your husband."
"Wha-"
"After the town meeting last August," Genkai continued smoothly, taking in the pale man's wide eyes. "You were away on business. Three times, Karasu." The man's face was ash white and Genkai nodded slowly. "Toguro said you never went three times...Karasu."
* * *
Shivering and stamping his feet in the cold, Kuwabara knocked quickly on the white door, just below the wreath. He blinked when Hiei answered it but smiled quickly at the short man. "Merry Christmas, Hiei."
"Merry Christmas," Koenma echoed, also smiling at the dark-haired man.
Hiei's eyebrow twitched, but he forced himself to smile at the two. "Kuwabara, Koenma, Merry Christmas. Are you working *tonight*?"
"Yeah," Kuwabara sighed. "They're starting that curfew tonight, and this is our area. We thought we might say hi to Yusuke. Is Yusuke here yet?"
Vegeta and Kurama were inside the closet beneath the stairs, and Vegeta turned to the redhead, frowning sharply. "Who's Yusuke?"
"He's my brother-in-law," Kurama sighed, "they all grew up together."
Snorting, Vegeta leaned against the clothes pole to his left, shaking his head. "Great." The tall male nodded knowingly and Vegeta's eyes widened when the pole slipped from its place, the both of them falling in a muffled heap.
With a slow glare, Hiei turned to stare into the hallway, the loud thump having reached outside quite easily. As he'd feared, Kuwabara's eyes lit up.
"Is that Kurama?" Kuwabara asked cheerfully. "I'd love to say hello!"
"Oh," Koenma nodded, "I'd love to see Kurama."
Kuwabara's eyes widened when Hiei stared without the slightest bit of understanding and he leaned forward, dropping his voice. "You know, Kurama...your husband...?"
"Of course," Hiei said sharply, his shoulders flinching as he moved back. "He's upstairs, he's just-changing-you know," he said, his face starting heat up as he couldn't find an appropriate excuse, "come in. Kurama will make you some coffee."
"We were here last year," Kuwabara smiled, moving past the short man. "There was this pound cake..."
"You help yourselves," Hiei prodded, sending them down the hall and into the kitchen around the corner. His shoulders slumped with a sigh once they were out of sight, and he gasped when his arm was grabbed. Vegeta drug him into the closet and flung him against Kurama with a glare dark enough to make Hiei's cheeks burn in earnest anger and embarrassment.
"What's wrong with you?" Vegeta growled.
"It would have caused more suspicion to say no," Hiei muttered.
"You never admit when you're wrong," Vegeta whispered.
"Oh," Kurama sighed, throwing his hands up, "finally someone says it besides me."
"Will you shut up?" Hiei spat, his shoulders hunching forward. "There was no other alternative."
"I could have been in the shower," Kurama whispered, frowning down at his angry mate. "I could have been...dressing."
"He could have been wrapping presents," Vegeta snorted, rolling his eyes at Hiei.
"What *is* this," Hiei cried softly, staring between the two of them, "a *lying* seminar?! You made a noise, I was distracted!"
Exchanging a smirk with Kurama, Vegeta snorted. "He was distracted."
The officers were easily placated by a cup of coffee, and Vegeta and Hiei listened from the hall. Kurama's innocent expression worked very well, and he served the men with a bright smile. Kuwabara was on the telephone with his sister, and he paused, glancing at Kurama as another call came in. "Hold on a sec," he said, pressing the button. "Hello."
At a payphone near the pier, Krillin frowned and shifted nervously. "Um, Vegeta?"
"No," Kuwabara said, "this is officer Kuwabara, to whom am I speaking?"
"Ugh!" With wide eyes, Krillin slammed the phone down.
With a surprised expression, Kuwabara blinked at the telephone. "They hung up," he told Kurama, relieved when the redhead gave him a small smile and shrugged.
"Who was it?" Koenma asked.
"I don't know," Kuwabara said, "he hung up."
In the hall, Hiei sighed when Vegeta's face screwed into a furious scowl.
"Wrong number," Kurama sighed, shaking his head at the two officers.
"Prank call," Kuwabara guessed.
Koenma nodded sagely. "Kids..."
"So," Kurama said, his voice quick as he glanced at his wrist. "Wow. It's getting late."
"What time do you thing Yusuke will get here?" Kuwabara asked, blinking at Kurama.
"Well," Kurama said, his hands the only evidence of his nervousness. "This is the thing. Maybe what you should do is go, and when Yusuke gets here, I'll have him call you. At the office, or wherever, because, well, it's Christmas eve and I'm sure you're busy..." The telephone rang and Kurama lunged to it, grabbing it with a bright smile. "I got it!" Turning his back casually, he stared toward the doorway. "Hello," he said quietly, "are you feeling better?"
"Who cares how I'm feeling?" Krillin blinked, frowning at the phone booth. "Where's Vegeta?"
"I'll get him," Kurama said quickly. Setting the receiver on the counter, he flashed Kuwabara and Koenma a smile and backed from the room. "Be back in a minute." In the hall, Vegeta and Hiei edge toward the other phone, taking it upstairs.
"I can't believe I'm working *tonight*," Koenma sighed, drinking some more of Kurama's delicious coffee.
"I know," Kuwabara muttered.
On the other side of the phone connection, Krillin's eyes widened as he listened to them.
"It's not right," Koenma sighed.
"But we'll get him," Kuwabara said sharply. "We've got every cop and his *brother* out looking for him."
Plugging the second telephone into the jack in the upstairs bedroom, Vegeta sighed and picked up the receiver, just as Krillin hung up on the other end. "Krillin?" His eyes widened and he stared at the little white phone in blatant shock. "He hung up..."
"Well," Kurama said from near the door, "he sounded upset."
"He should be," Vegeta growled. "He's going to die a horrible fucking death."
A sing-song voice called up the stairs, oozing through the door and sending a shockwave over Kurama's spine. "Kurama?"
Recognizing Keiko's voice, Kurama's eyes flicked to Vegeta as his lips curved into a small sneer. "Speaking of which..."
The guests had let themselves in, and Kurama didn't have time to greet them as he began the task of picking their coats up. They'd dropped them in a pile near the stairs, and the redhead grabbed them up just in time to take Yusuke's as well. At least he'd waited. From the kitchen, the two officers had heard the voices and Kuwabara's head poked out around the corner. "Yusuke!"
The black-haired man moved to greet his friends and Kurama continued to greet each 'family' member by name. Hiei's 'mother' had her back to him, so he was relieved of the necessity of forcing a smile. "Mukuro." One visible eye flicked back to him and Kurama's eye twitched when he was dismissed again.
Yahiko groaned, coming back out of the living room. "Their TV's broke," he complained, Botan following beside him. "Mom, what are we supposed to *do* all night?"
Frowning at the boy, Keiko stalked to him. "Celebrate the birth of Christ," she said sharply, whapping the back of her hand against his chest. "Now put the presents under the tree."
"Keiko," Yusuke called, "Keiko, look who's here."
"Merry Christmas, Keiko," the two men called.
Keiko's eyes shifted over the two officers and she gave a small, mocking smile. "Oh, how nice."
Hiei and Vegeta came down from upstairs just as Yusuke and the others filed into the kitchen, and they met Mukuro at the foot of the stairs. Kurama was smiling hesitantly at the woman as he tried to take her bag. "I'll take that bag upstairs," he offered.
"I'll take it," Mukuro said, raising her chin. "I want to change my shoes." Her eye caught on Hiei and she stalked up the first two steps to him.
"Mom," Hiei greeted softly, "hi."
"Hiei," Mukuro said sharply, "who is this?" Her gaze raked over Vegeta and she frowned at the man.
"Merry Christmas," Hiei said.
"Merry Christmas," Mukuro muttered, not taking her eyes off Vegeta. "Who *is* this?"
Kurama rolled his eyes and went to the closet beneath the stairs, tossing the wad of coats in and kicking them until he could close the door.
"This is the...doctor we told you about," Hiei said slowly, glancing at Vegeta. "Doctor...Wong."
Face lighting up, Mukuro nodded quickly. "Ah, the *marriage* doctor."
Hiei nodded, stepping back as she forced her way up a few steps. "Right."
"Wong?" Mukuro said, her doubtful gaze moving to Vegeta. "You're a Wong?"
"Well," Vegeta said slowly, "My father was Japanese."
"And your mother?" Mukuro prodded.
Vegeta's eyelid twitched and he blinked. "Wasn't."
"Why don't we go downstairs," Hiei murmured, grabbing at Mukuro's case.
Frowning, Mukuro tightened her hold. "I want to change my shoes."
Peaking around the doorway to the dining room, Kurama's face fell until the last trace of forced cheer disappeared.
"Your shoes look wonderful," Hiei said quickly, his voice rushed.
"My *feet* hurt," Mukuro admonished, really frowning now.
"Take them off," Hiei nearly spat, "a Bohemian Christmas." She forced her way up another step and his eyes widened with a bright panicky light.
"What the *hell* is wrong with you?" Mukuro glared, looking her adopted son over with a dangerous gaze. "Why do you always get *strange* at family gatherings?"
"It's not me," Hiei said, lowering his voice in as much of a confiding tone as he could manage. "It's Kurama." He glanced at the doorway just in time to see his mate duck out of sight, and his eyes darkened before he forced himself to continue, Mukuro watching him avidly. "He's a little nervous about this dinner. Maybe you could go help him, give him a few tips. You know what a bad cook he is."
"Oh," Mukuro murmured, glancing down the stairs. "Yes. All right." She stepped down a few stairs, but paused suddenly. "But aren't you going to take my bag up?"
"Later," Hiei said quickly, blocking the way with Vegeta at his back.
"Then *I'll* take it up," Mukuro frowned, pushing her son back a few steps.
"I'll take it!" Hiei said, grabbing the bag. "I'll go. I just...wanted to be close to you..." His stomach curled suddenly, and he could feel the color draining from his face when Mukuro gave a slow, satisfied smile.
Catching a disgusted look from Kurama, who was peaking around the doorway again, Vegeta smiled at the woman. "He just...loves you, so very much." Mukuro nodded and turned and Vegeta shook his head at Hiei, his expression appalled. The woman glanced back and they both smiled quickly, Mukuro frowning at them before finally going all the way down the stairs.
The phone upstairs rang, and Hiei tensed, his deep voice calling out as if he didn't know his mate was just around the corner. "Kurama? Could you come up here for a minute?"
Swallowing, Kurama moved toward the stairs only to stop when Mukuro abruptly blocked his way.
"I thought you needed help," Mukuro frowned.
"Yes," Kurama said, "well, everything's in the dining room. Why don't you light the candles, that would be good." The woman nodded and Kurama passed her, rolling his eyes, his voice too low for Mukuro to hear. "Bitch..."
The telephone was still ringing by the time they got upstairs, and Kurama answered it quickly. "Hello?"
"Put Vegeta on the line."
Turning quickly, Kurama handed the phone over. Vegeta nodded to the redhead. "Krillin?"
"How do I know this is Vegeta?" Krillin asked, staring at the payphone in suspicion.
"Because," Vegeta growled, "the next time I see you I'm going to tear all of the hair out of your balls one by one and glue them to your bald head you fucking mule, how's that?"
With a relieved laugh, Krillin shook his head. "Vegeta! Um, Vegeta..."
"Yeah?"
"A friend of mine's got a boat," Krillin said tentatively.
"Friend?" Vegeta's eyes narrowed and he stared at the phone for a second before scowling. "Nobody likes you, what are you talking about-friend?"
"Well," Krillin smiled, "somebody I just met. We have a lot in common, I think you'd like him."
"Like him? Like him?!" Growling, Vegeta stalked back and forth, his hand squeezing the phone until his knuckles turned white. "I've been sitting in this house all night wondering if I'm going to get busted or not and you're *dating*?"
"Calm down," Krillin said, "I'm not his type. Besides, this is the best I could do. Listen, he's a nice guy, and he's just gotten off parole."
Vegeta laughed, his eyes wild. "An ex con?"
"Yeah," Krillin smiled.
"How do you know he's not going to turn us in?"
"He wouldn't," Krillin explained, "he can't afford to. If he did, he'd be back in the slammer. I'm telling you, Vegeta, he's legit. There's just one little problem..."
"What?" Vegeta asked, his eyebrow twitching furiously. "A wife? Children?"
"No," Krillin said, his voice tentative again. "But the boat needs...a little work."
Vegeta's hand fell and he groaned, digging a hand in his hair and shaking his head. Crossing the room, he pushed aside the curtain over the window just in time to watch a police car drive by, a sobering sight that added to his mood. He could hear Krillin calling his name and he lifted the phone again. "How long?"
Shrugging, Krillin sighed. "An hour, hour and a half."
"An hour."
"Okay," Krillin said quickly, wincing at his partner's biting tone.
"One hour," Vegeta repeated, his voice terse. "You have one hour."
* * *
TBC
Author's Notes: This fic is based on the movie 'The Ref,' and the dialogue was taken almost verbatim from that movie. I did this for Christmas, and I think it turned out very nicely. I didn't want this cut up, but it was too long to post otherwise.
Category: Anime, Yu Yu Hakusho, Dragonball Z, Gundam Wing, Rurouni Kenshin, possible others, Yaoi, AU-fusion with a movie
Warnings: extremely foul language (done for humor), multiple character bashings (don't take them personally, it's for fun), guaranteed OOC (out of character - again it was done for humor), humor (of course), shonen ai
Pairings: mostly KuramaxHiei, 1x2, and hints of others
Author: Arigatomina
Email: arigatoumina@hotmail.com
Website/Complete Archive: http://www.geocities.com/arigatomina
The Ref: Anime Style
Act 3
An infinitely well-known traditional American movie was playing in black and white, the scene revealing a flower-bush that shook as a man stood near it. Four police officers were watching the show with various smiles, relaxed around a paper-laden table. Yamcha was directly across from the television, and he nodded slowly, not taking his eyes off the screen when he spoke. "You know, I've never seen this movie all the way through."
"Don't you live in this country?" Yashirobi asked, glancing at his partner for a brief second before looking back to the little television.
"Well," Yamcha shrugged, "they show it during the holidays. And what with friends and family, I never got to watch it all.
Outside the little room, two other officers had their coats on and were on their way through the station. Genkai was walking by and Kuwabara paused, shifting the collar of his coat. "Merry Christmas, Lieutenant," he said cheerfully.
"Yeah," Koenma echoed, "Merry Christmas."
Turning, Genkai frowned up at them. "Where the hell are you two going?" she asked, her expression not brooking any argument. "Stay here."
Koenma sighed and frowned at his partner, rolling his eyes when Kuwabara blinked at him. "Did you have to say Merry Christmas?"
"That's the way I was brought up," Kuwabara pouted.
Bringing the two back into the little room, Genkai pushed a tape into the VCR, catching the attention of all the other officers. Her eyes flicked to the tall black-haired Yamcha and she nodded. "Rewind it."
"Ah," Yamcha sighed, grabbing the remote in both hands. "Is this it?" He hit a button but nothing happened, the television screen a dull blue color.
"No, that's fast-forward," Yashirobi snorted, pressing a different button. "This is it."
The television erupted in a series of fuzzes and Genkai's lips curled in disgust. Stalking to the table, she snatched the remote control. "Give me that." She hit the button and turned as the tape rewound. "What you're about to see has to be kept within the confines of this room. Do you understand?" Kuwabara and Koenma moved closer to the table and the others nodded, shifting in their chairs. Turning, she played the tape.
A spiky haired Vegeta was revealed, his face partially shadowed with his flashlight aiming at the camera. Kuwabara gasped. "Wait a minute, that's-"
"Shh," Genkai said, glancing back at him for a second.
"-old man Briefs' place," Kuwabara finished, pointing at the television.
The videotaped thief did something and they heard the 'burglary' cry just before the thief was illuminated and disappeared from sight. Stopping the tape, Genkai turned back to the officers just as the phone rang. "We're going to find this guy," she said, rewinding the video. "I want you to watch it a few times. Then I'm going to organize specific teams, each with a specific geographic location. I-"
"Lieutenant," one of the officers interrupted, pointing a finger at the telephone. "It's some county prosecutor guy..."
Genkai sighed and set the remote on the table. "I'll take it in my office." Her pale eyes flashed around the room on her way out. "Nobody leaves."
The officers turned to watch the short woman disappear, and Kuwabara sighed from the doorway. "Wow."
"Yeah," Koenma nodded.
"Um," Yamcha said slowly, "should we watch it again?"
"Nah, we should wait for the Lieutenant," Yashirobi said, shaking his head.
"Well..." Yamcha looked around slowly. "While we're waiting...?" The heavyset officer to his left nodded and grabbed the remote.
Pressing a button, Yashirobi smirked. "I think this is it," he said quickly. The screen remained a dull blue, only the small white letters REC showing on the left corner.
"No," Yamcha muttered, grabbing the remote. "It's *this* button." The television shifted and they sighed as the movie came back on, the man and woman in a somewhat angsty but dearly romantic pose.
The officers smiled at the scene and even Kuwabara and Koenma relaxed, watching the classical move, 'It's a Wonderful Life.'
* * *
A small building was the only thing next to the harbor besides the little boats. Lights were strung along the edge of the roof, and they twinkled off the gray car as Krillin drove up. It was cold outside, but the short bald man paused to ignite the tip of a cigarette as he looked over the dock. The personal boats, all three of them, were out in the water, the lit windows showing their occupancy. But there was one small boat in the docking space next to the building, a single string of lights hung up along the partial roof. With slow steps, Krillin moved to the boat, and he'd just put a foot on the edge of it when the curtains moved.
"Hey," a man called, his high voice sending a puff of mist in the cold air. He wore a thick coat, and he had spiky black hair that stood at odd angles on his head. But his dark eyes were enough to make Krillin wince in familiar wariness. "Who are you?" Goku asked, frowning warily at the little man.
Krillin swallowed and rubbed a hand over his bald head. "Um...I'm Krillin."
Blinking at the seemingly harmless man's slight smile, Goku relaxed. "What do you want?"
* * *
Shaggy pines stood to either side of the white house, their long needles framing the lit windows. Inside, Kurama's soft voice held a tone of humor. "That was quite an outburst," he commented, green eyes watching his silent mate. "I should tie you up more often." From his place tied to the next post, Hiei didn't open his eyes. Kurama sighed. "Listen, about the restaurant, I didn't say-"
Hiei turned his head, narrow eyes flicking back to Duo. "How did you get home again?"
The bathroom was far too close to the bedroom, and Vegeta could hear them through the closed door. He poured cologne on his hands and rubbed it against his cheeks, frowning when he heard the boy's answer.
"I got a ride from a friend."
"Which friend?" Hiei asked suspiciously. "Do I know him?"
"All right," Duo sighed, rolling his eyes. He was tied on the other side of the bedpost, so he couldn't see his adopted father, but he didn't really need to. "I took a limo, okay?"
"A limo," Hiei repeated, his eyes wide. "Where'd you get the money for a limo?"
"Okay," Duo said sharply, "I didn't take a limo, I *stole* one, okay? Is that better?"
"Listen," Hiei growled, "if you can't answer a simple question-"
The voices rose into the bathroom and Vegeta clenched his teeth, leaning over the sink and turning the water on full blast in a vain attempt to drown the sound out.
"Quit it!" Kurama said, his voice rising over the lower growl.
"I'm asking my son a simple question," Hiei spat.
"No," Kurama cried, "You're not. You're not!"
"-because you never disciplined him," Hiei said, his deep voice seeming to vibrate right through the bathroom door. Vegeta stopped with the water and put his hands over his ears, humming in an attempt to block them out.
"If you hadn't sentenced him to that prison," Kurama said, his green eyes wide.
"It's not a prison, it's a military academy," Hiei corrected testily. "I went there. I was-"
"Oh, yeah," Duo interrupted, his voice sarcastic, "for a summer! I go there for my whole entire high school life."
Hiei's eyes narrowed and he glared over his shoulder. "You were sent there because normal high schools wouldn't enroll you anymore. They were-"
Vegeta's humming had given way to a loud repetitive chant, reminiscent of Native American Indians, his hands clamped over his ears. The voices overlapped each other, growing steadily louder and he snapped. Jerking the bathroom door open, Vegeta stalked toward the bed. "Okay, that's *it*! What the hell is wrong with you people? You're supposed to be a family. How can you talk to each other like that? Let's just go on Oprah and get it over with. Christ!" Silence was held and he looked between them, an unlit cigarette hanging on his lips. "What's the quickest way to the docks?"
Kurama looked back, "You take Main Street-"
"You take Bainbridge," Hiei started, his eyes snapping to Kurama.
"You take *Main* Street," Kurama said, raising his voice and frowning at his mate, "and turn left on Domino Square-"
"You can't make a left on Domino Square," Hiei said, rolling his eyes, "it's a one-way street-"
"You *can* make a left," Kurama cried.
"No," Hiei argued, "Bainbridge is the only two-way street to the docks. You go-"
Looking up at Vegeta's pitiful expression, Duo sighed. "You know, you're never getting out of here," he said sympathetically.
Vegeta dropped his eyes, barely resisting the need to bite down on the cigarette. After a second he shook his head, his eyes rising to the ceiling.
"Why don't you just take the highway," Kurama said, tossing his head against the bedpost.
"Why would you take the highway?" Hiei asked, frowning over at him.
Kurama's eyes flashed and he snorted at his small mate. "Because it's *quicker*."
"Not the way *you* drive."
* * *
Having finished with her phone call, Genkai stood near the television, her eyes moving over the attentive officers. "All right," she said sharply, "we don't have much time. Pay attention to any distinguishing features." Turning, she hit the play button.
The screen fuzzled for a second before revealing that same, poignantly mixed angstily romantic scene. The man pulled the woman closer, his voice shaking with emotion as he explained his lack of need for romance in his life. Genkai frowned in confusion, looking at the remote, and she missed the looks the officers exchanged behind her. Her eyes widened slowly and she rewound the tape, hands shaking when the same scene played again. "..."
"Lieutenant Genkai?" A black-clothed officer stood near the door, his low cap revealing glinting eyes. Saitoh's gaze bore into the short woman. "I believe you have some evidence on your possession which belongs to the county prosecutor."
All eyes turned back to the man, widened, then slowly swiveled to watch as Genkai's face fell in defeat.
* * *
Vegeta paced small circles around the free space in the bedroom, swinging one of the dolls he'd found on the dresser. The small head fit just right in his hand, and he waved it about fitfully. "I don't believe it," he muttered to himself, cigarette still between his lips. "No sense of time..." Three sets of eyes were following him, but he didn't pay any attention, his anger building quickly. "Never again," he growled, kicking the bureau and wincing at the abrupt pain.
"Excuse me," Hiei said, glaring back at the man. "Those dolls belong to my mother. She's been collecting them for years. Could you *please* be a little more careful with them?"
The man's calm voice made Vegeta's eyes light up and he moved to stand over Hiei, his lips curved into a smirk. "I'm sorry," he growled. Holding Hiei's red-eyed gaze, he ripped the head off the doll and flung the body across the room into the bureau, the head following immediately after.
"You know," Duo spoke up, "if he doesn't call, you're dead in the water."
Hiei frowned, turning his head to the side. "Duo, be quiet."
Snorting softly, Vegeta nodded. "Listen to your father, kid."
"I'm just stating the obvious," Duo frowned.
"Duo," Kurama hissed, "Stop it."
Vegeta moved to stand over Duo, and the boy nodded solemnly up at the angry man. "What is it, twenty minutes until curfew? And I heard on the radio they found a ski mask at the scene. Did anyone get a good look at you?"
The news report on the television across the room caught Vegeta's attention and he moved to it with a dark scowl, listening to the woman.
"To residents of Paradise, Dr. Briefs is known as the gadget king. A child-like eccentric, he is noted for his love of animals, his inventions and the generous contributions of his daughter, twenty-three year old Bulma Breifs, to the field of science. We now go to the Briefs mansion, and our live scene reporter, Misao, for the update."
With dull eyes, Vegeta lit his cigarette as he listened to the young woman who was suddenly shown.
"Thanks Karen," the woman smiled, "Paradise residents will be competing for top dollars before tonight's curfew goes into effect. Professor Bulma Briefs has confirmed that the reward is now two hundred thousand dollars." The young woman's eyes glinted with a hungry light and she smiled into the microphone. "This may turn out to be a *very* merry Christmas for some lucky family."
"Fuck." Gritting his teeth, Vegeta snapped off the television. He tossed the control next to it and stalked past Duo. Puffing on his cigarette, he groaned, and almost stepped on the boy's outstretched legs. "I'm in hell. Jersey is the fifth ring of hell..." A sharp beeping went off suddenly and he froze, his eyes flying over the room. He grabbed his gun and tensed. "What the fuck is that?!"
Hiei's mouth opened, but he closed it firmly, his hand moving a bit to point at the ceiling. The black-haired man turned and cursed as he spotted the smoke detector. Gun still in hand, Vegeta grabbed the whicker chair next to the bureau, clothing falling aside as he moved it beneath the screaming alarm. He stepped onto the seat, but his foot went right through the flimsy weaving, and he crashed to the floor.
"Jesus!" Vegeta cried, tossing the broken chair aside as that loud piercing beep continued to fill the room. He didn't notice how Duo's shoulders were twisting against the bedpost, his focus on the alarm. Holding onto the bedpost, Vegeta stood with one foot on the bed and swung the gun at the smoke detector, a startled cry leaving his lips when he lost his grip and fell to the floor.
"What happened?" Hiei muttered, not having seen the mishap, though he'd heard the thud.
Never one to be tied down, Duo had managed to work his wrists out of the bungee cord. He moved when the man fell near him and snatched up the gun, scooting back a few feet. With the gun aimed at Vegeta, who was now crouched on the floor, he shook his head. "Stay where you are," he warned.
Hiei's back was to the scene, but his red eyes narrowed and he arched his neck, trying to look at the boy who'd spoken. "Duo."
"Untie my parents," Duo said quickly, watching as Vegeta moved slowly onto his knees. The man suddenly looked like a black-clothed predator. "Now."
Vegeta held his pose, his hands and knees putting him at about eyelevel with the seated boy. "Kid," he said quietly, "what are you doing?"
Duo stood quickly, holding the gun aimed with both arms. "I mean it! Untie my parents *now*."
Hiei's eyes widened when he saw the gun and he tensed against the bedpost. "Duo-"
"Duo," Kurama said quickly, "call the police."
"Duo," Hiei cut in, his deep voice holding a hint of fear with his warning tone, "put the gun down."
Standing slowly, Vegeta threw a glare at the two adults. "Shut up."
"Phone the police," Kurama urged, frowning when Hiei glared at him.
"No," Hiei growled.
Duo backed up, suddenly very aware that he'd never held a gun on someone before. "Get back on your knees," he warned, his voice shaking, just a bit. "Now. Get back on your knees, or I'll shoot."
"You will?" Vegeta asked quietly, stalking toward the slender boy.
"I will," Duo said quickly. "I will, I'll shoot you."
"Because I'm going to keep on walking," Vegeta said smoothly. The boy glanced over his shoulder and Vegeta nodded at the white phone sitting next to the bed. "Can you get to that phone before I get to you?"
"Duo." Hiei's jaw was tense, and he could see Vegeta's muscles clenching beneath the man's black clothing. "Duo, put the gun down."
Duo's eyes widened and he tensed, his hands tightening on the gun. The fire alarm was pounding in the room and he turned a bit toward the phone, ready to shoot at the slightest provocation.
A sudden ringing made the boy's violet eyes turn toward the phone and Vegeta darted forward in that instant, wrestling the gun out of Duo's hands. The boy let out a sharp cry, but he moved the gun away, merely shoving Duo onto the bed. Without a word, Vegeta aimed the gun and shot the smoke detector, effectively halting that annoying call. The telephone's ringing continued and he picked the white set up, circling the bed and setting it down next to Kurama. Green eyes met him and he lifted the receiver to the redhead's ear.
Sighing, Kurama tilted his head into the telephone. "Hello?"
"Kurama?"
Wincing at the woman's voice, Kurama rolled his eyes and listened.
"It's Keiko." She was standing at the payphone outside the little store, and the woman smiled into the phone. "I just wanted to let you know we got a little held up," Keiko said. "We'll be there in twenty minutes. I hope that dinner isn't ruined." The voice on the other end started to say something, but she nodded quickly. "Well, bye." Yusuke and Botan were standing outside the store and Keiko waved at them, her sickly sweet voice changing abruptly as she waved at them. "Get in the car!"
Back in the bedroom, Vegeta set the phone on the hook with an intense frown. "Twenty minutes," he muttered, looking at his watch. "Looks like there's going to be one more for dinner, ne?"
* * *
Soft Christmas music played on a radio in an immaculate office, but the dark-haired boy didn't pay it any attention. Heero sat at his desk, lovely cards lining the wall behind him as he stared at the envelope in front of him. He could practically feel eyes on him from the picture on his desk, and he glared, his dark blue gaze snapping up to look at the girl. A sandy-blonde female, smiled back, her long hair perfectly straight, and her expression one of knowing superiority. His girlfriend was exactly what his guardian approved of. Heero snorted, his fingers flipping open the envelope and pulling out the negatives of his latest mistake.
The pictures weren't only ones of sordid sexual nature, and he paused over one, taking in his own expression. He should have known Duo had hidden cameras after the first encounter. He had known. But despite that, he'd come back anyway. The longhaired boy was laughing in the photo, seated on the edge of the bed in his uniform. And Heero felt a glimmer of humor at his own intense face in the picture as he stared at the boy. That was why he kept coming back. Duo was blackmailing him with the truth of their encounters, but there was something about the violet-eyed student he simply couldn't resist. And it didn't help any that his 'girlfriend' was in name only. Glancing up at the picture on his desk, Heero flinched when the phone on his desk rang.
A sweet and bright voice cooed at him on the telephone, wondering why he was so very late. He could tell from Relena's voice that she was not at all pleased, but the girl obviously had company. She was holding a polite tone, too sweet to be alone. If she'd been alone, his ear would be blistering by now. Heero's eyes fell to the negatives open on his desk and his back straightened slowly. Staring at that last picture, he sighed. "No. I won't be there tonight," he said, his voice carrying a note of finality. "I have to take a trip." Shock hurt his ear, but his lips curved into a slow smile. "I'm going to Paradise."
* * *
The man tied him better this time, and Duo winced as the bungee cord was pulled tight around his arms, binding him to the chair. His parents' closet was dark, but he caught Vegeta's eyes easily enough. "Look," he said slowly, tilting his head. "You're making a mistake. I could help you out, you know. I have eleven thousand dollars worth of cash hidden in my-"
"Hey," Vegeta frowned, crouching beside the boy. "Look, kid. I'm having a really bad day. Right now I'd rather be in the pen than this fucking house. So do me a favor-do yourself a favor, and cut the shit." The violet-eyed boy shook his head and Vegeta groaned.
"I'm not," Duo said, frowning. "I have a little blackmailing deal going on at school and-"
"Blackmail?" Vegeta said, his dark eyes widening in disbelief. "What are you, fifteen and you're doing-blackmailing people?!"
"Yeah," Duo said, his eyes wide. "I needed some big money fast." He sighed and glanced away. "I was desperate. I wanted to get out of here."
Vegeta's eyes narrowed and he snorted softly, looking back to the partially lit doorway as he remembered the antiques in the house. "Desperate about what?" he muttered.
"Let's see," Duo said, letting out a frustrated laugh. "I've got two years, four months left of military school. My parents hate each other. Hiei records every mistake in my life like he's preparing for my parole hearing. I don't get to do anything by myself, *and* I live in the suburbs." Tossing his head, Duo let out a soft snort of his own. "*You* figure it out."
"So where are you going to go?" Vegeta asked, his low voice holding a tint of curiosity.
"I don't know," Duo admitted, frowning at his legs. He blinked, then turned to look at the black-haired thief. "Where do *you* go?"
"Where do I go?" Vegeta smirked. "Let's see. I usually end up in Jamaica with this friend of mine, Bardock. He steals appliances off of trucks. I get the money back from the fence, which is usually *half* what the stuff's worth, spend the money, come home, and start all over again. Of course," he muttered, "this time was supposed to be my big break, the big retirement score."
"Why are you quitting now?" Duo asked, frowning in confusion. "You have a great life."
Vegeta stared for a second before scowling at the boy. "Let me explain something to you, kid. What I do, running around, stealing shit, may sound great when your fifteen years old. But it sucks, just a little bit, when you're thirty-five, no family, no house. I have a partner, he's forty, he's a fucking alcoholic, he *still* can't figure out why they took 'Happy Days' off the air. And then I have to turn around and see kids like you, one after another, on these talk shows, you've got everything. You've got opportunities out the ass, you've got a family to come home to and what do you do? You sit around and you bitch and you moan because things don't go your way." Duo was staring at him with a frown and he waved a hand at him. "Well, you know what, kid? Welcome to the real world where, most of the time, things *don't* go your fucking way."
"Easy for you to say," Duo muttered, scowling at the man. "You aren't the one tied up. Everything *goes* your way."
Teeth grinding together, Vegeta rolled his eyes. "You know what," he muttered, standing and moving behind the boy, "I had you pegged wrong." Using a tie, he gagged Duo, tying it in a tight knot. "You don't have a brain in your fucking head." The boy glared at him, and Vegeta paused in the doorway, his eyes glinting over a disgusted smirk. "Merry Christmas."
Vegeta stepped into the bedroom, shutting the closet door behind him as he moved into action. "Now," he said sharply. "We don't have much time." Moving to untie Hiei, he continued. "Rules of the house, no telephone except for the one in the kitchen, no television, tell them the cable's out." Hiei finished the unwrapping and Vegeta waved for him to untie Kurama. "Nobody on the second floor in case your son makes any noise. We are one unit," he said, following them out of the bedroom. "I want the two of you together, in front of me, at all times. And no arguing either. When the two of you fight, you forget about everything else." His hostages moved to check their appearances in the mirror and he caught their eyes. "You just behave and pay attention, or I'm taking your son with me, okay?"
Kurama's suits were too slender and tall for Vegeta, but luckily they found one that had never fit. It didn't look *too* bad. The redhead had to fix his tie for him since Vegeta had never worn one, but the final results were rather nice. Straightening his back, Vegeta sighed. "Now, tell me about this doctor guy."
* * *
Genkai sat in her office, not having bothered to turn on the lights. Her mood was a dark as the room, after the humiliation of explaining the incident with the tape, and she was just lifting a cup of alcohol for a much needed distraction when someone stalked in. She recognized the man as the one who'd railed at her earlier, and she paused, dull eyes flicking over Karasu's expression.
"I received a call from Yamagatta," the tall man said, stalking into the office, "the county prosecutor. "You'll be happy to know that in spite of *your* bungling, he's confident that he will catch *our* thief during curfew." The woman didn't react and he pulled a little book out of his coat, opening it with a slight smirk. "And another thing. He said your men are to assist and report to me, as per his instructions." Genkai continued to stare at him with a lazy expression and he closed the book, waving at the phone. "You can call if you like."
Tapping her finger on her hip, Genkai tilted her head and waited.
"Oh, yes," Karasu said suddenly, his eyes widening as if he'd forgotten. "Your Christmas wish came true." He laughed, smiling at the woman. "You're to be out of here the day *after* Christmas. Isn't that a lovely noel? It's been swell." Waving, merrily, he turned to leave.
"Karasu." The black-haired man glanced back at her, and Genkai kept her expression clear as she took in his raised eyebrow. He thought he was better than everyone because of his looks, position, and wealth. Her lips nearly twitched, but she managed to remain absolutely solemn. "I nailed your husband."
"Wha-"
"After the town meeting last August," Genkai continued smoothly, taking in the pale man's wide eyes. "You were away on business. Three times, Karasu." The man's face was ash white and Genkai nodded slowly. "Toguro said you never went three times...Karasu."
* * *
Shivering and stamping his feet in the cold, Kuwabara knocked quickly on the white door, just below the wreath. He blinked when Hiei answered it but smiled quickly at the short man. "Merry Christmas, Hiei."
"Merry Christmas," Koenma echoed, also smiling at the dark-haired man.
Hiei's eyebrow twitched, but he forced himself to smile at the two. "Kuwabara, Koenma, Merry Christmas. Are you working *tonight*?"
"Yeah," Kuwabara sighed. "They're starting that curfew tonight, and this is our area. We thought we might say hi to Yusuke. Is Yusuke here yet?"
Vegeta and Kurama were inside the closet beneath the stairs, and Vegeta turned to the redhead, frowning sharply. "Who's Yusuke?"
"He's my brother-in-law," Kurama sighed, "they all grew up together."
Snorting, Vegeta leaned against the clothes pole to his left, shaking his head. "Great." The tall male nodded knowingly and Vegeta's eyes widened when the pole slipped from its place, the both of them falling in a muffled heap.
With a slow glare, Hiei turned to stare into the hallway, the loud thump having reached outside quite easily. As he'd feared, Kuwabara's eyes lit up.
"Is that Kurama?" Kuwabara asked cheerfully. "I'd love to say hello!"
"Oh," Koenma nodded, "I'd love to see Kurama."
Kuwabara's eyes widened when Hiei stared without the slightest bit of understanding and he leaned forward, dropping his voice. "You know, Kurama...your husband...?"
"Of course," Hiei said sharply, his shoulders flinching as he moved back. "He's upstairs, he's just-changing-you know," he said, his face starting heat up as he couldn't find an appropriate excuse, "come in. Kurama will make you some coffee."
"We were here last year," Kuwabara smiled, moving past the short man. "There was this pound cake..."
"You help yourselves," Hiei prodded, sending them down the hall and into the kitchen around the corner. His shoulders slumped with a sigh once they were out of sight, and he gasped when his arm was grabbed. Vegeta drug him into the closet and flung him against Kurama with a glare dark enough to make Hiei's cheeks burn in earnest anger and embarrassment.
"What's wrong with you?" Vegeta growled.
"It would have caused more suspicion to say no," Hiei muttered.
"You never admit when you're wrong," Vegeta whispered.
"Oh," Kurama sighed, throwing his hands up, "finally someone says it besides me."
"Will you shut up?" Hiei spat, his shoulders hunching forward. "There was no other alternative."
"I could have been in the shower," Kurama whispered, frowning down at his angry mate. "I could have been...dressing."
"He could have been wrapping presents," Vegeta snorted, rolling his eyes at Hiei.
"What *is* this," Hiei cried softly, staring between the two of them, "a *lying* seminar?! You made a noise, I was distracted!"
Exchanging a smirk with Kurama, Vegeta snorted. "He was distracted."
The officers were easily placated by a cup of coffee, and Vegeta and Hiei listened from the hall. Kurama's innocent expression worked very well, and he served the men with a bright smile. Kuwabara was on the telephone with his sister, and he paused, glancing at Kurama as another call came in. "Hold on a sec," he said, pressing the button. "Hello."
At a payphone near the pier, Krillin frowned and shifted nervously. "Um, Vegeta?"
"No," Kuwabara said, "this is officer Kuwabara, to whom am I speaking?"
"Ugh!" With wide eyes, Krillin slammed the phone down.
With a surprised expression, Kuwabara blinked at the telephone. "They hung up," he told Kurama, relieved when the redhead gave him a small smile and shrugged.
"Who was it?" Koenma asked.
"I don't know," Kuwabara said, "he hung up."
In the hall, Hiei sighed when Vegeta's face screwed into a furious scowl.
"Wrong number," Kurama sighed, shaking his head at the two officers.
"Prank call," Kuwabara guessed.
Koenma nodded sagely. "Kids..."
"So," Kurama said, his voice quick as he glanced at his wrist. "Wow. It's getting late."
"What time do you thing Yusuke will get here?" Kuwabara asked, blinking at Kurama.
"Well," Kurama said, his hands the only evidence of his nervousness. "This is the thing. Maybe what you should do is go, and when Yusuke gets here, I'll have him call you. At the office, or wherever, because, well, it's Christmas eve and I'm sure you're busy..." The telephone rang and Kurama lunged to it, grabbing it with a bright smile. "I got it!" Turning his back casually, he stared toward the doorway. "Hello," he said quietly, "are you feeling better?"
"Who cares how I'm feeling?" Krillin blinked, frowning at the phone booth. "Where's Vegeta?"
"I'll get him," Kurama said quickly. Setting the receiver on the counter, he flashed Kuwabara and Koenma a smile and backed from the room. "Be back in a minute." In the hall, Vegeta and Hiei edge toward the other phone, taking it upstairs.
"I can't believe I'm working *tonight*," Koenma sighed, drinking some more of Kurama's delicious coffee.
"I know," Kuwabara muttered.
On the other side of the phone connection, Krillin's eyes widened as he listened to them.
"It's not right," Koenma sighed.
"But we'll get him," Kuwabara said sharply. "We've got every cop and his *brother* out looking for him."
Plugging the second telephone into the jack in the upstairs bedroom, Vegeta sighed and picked up the receiver, just as Krillin hung up on the other end. "Krillin?" His eyes widened and he stared at the little white phone in blatant shock. "He hung up..."
"Well," Kurama said from near the door, "he sounded upset."
"He should be," Vegeta growled. "He's going to die a horrible fucking death."
A sing-song voice called up the stairs, oozing through the door and sending a shockwave over Kurama's spine. "Kurama?"
Recognizing Keiko's voice, Kurama's eyes flicked to Vegeta as his lips curved into a small sneer. "Speaking of which..."
The guests had let themselves in, and Kurama didn't have time to greet them as he began the task of picking their coats up. They'd dropped them in a pile near the stairs, and the redhead grabbed them up just in time to take Yusuke's as well. At least he'd waited. From the kitchen, the two officers had heard the voices and Kuwabara's head poked out around the corner. "Yusuke!"
The black-haired man moved to greet his friends and Kurama continued to greet each 'family' member by name. Hiei's 'mother' had her back to him, so he was relieved of the necessity of forcing a smile. "Mukuro." One visible eye flicked back to him and Kurama's eye twitched when he was dismissed again.
Yahiko groaned, coming back out of the living room. "Their TV's broke," he complained, Botan following beside him. "Mom, what are we supposed to *do* all night?"
Frowning at the boy, Keiko stalked to him. "Celebrate the birth of Christ," she said sharply, whapping the back of her hand against his chest. "Now put the presents under the tree."
"Keiko," Yusuke called, "Keiko, look who's here."
"Merry Christmas, Keiko," the two men called.
Keiko's eyes shifted over the two officers and she gave a small, mocking smile. "Oh, how nice."
Hiei and Vegeta came down from upstairs just as Yusuke and the others filed into the kitchen, and they met Mukuro at the foot of the stairs. Kurama was smiling hesitantly at the woman as he tried to take her bag. "I'll take that bag upstairs," he offered.
"I'll take it," Mukuro said, raising her chin. "I want to change my shoes." Her eye caught on Hiei and she stalked up the first two steps to him.
"Mom," Hiei greeted softly, "hi."
"Hiei," Mukuro said sharply, "who is this?" Her gaze raked over Vegeta and she frowned at the man.
"Merry Christmas," Hiei said.
"Merry Christmas," Mukuro muttered, not taking her eyes off Vegeta. "Who *is* this?"
Kurama rolled his eyes and went to the closet beneath the stairs, tossing the wad of coats in and kicking them until he could close the door.
"This is the...doctor we told you about," Hiei said slowly, glancing at Vegeta. "Doctor...Wong."
Face lighting up, Mukuro nodded quickly. "Ah, the *marriage* doctor."
Hiei nodded, stepping back as she forced her way up a few steps. "Right."
"Wong?" Mukuro said, her doubtful gaze moving to Vegeta. "You're a Wong?"
"Well," Vegeta said slowly, "My father was Japanese."
"And your mother?" Mukuro prodded.
Vegeta's eyelid twitched and he blinked. "Wasn't."
"Why don't we go downstairs," Hiei murmured, grabbing at Mukuro's case.
Frowning, Mukuro tightened her hold. "I want to change my shoes."
Peaking around the doorway to the dining room, Kurama's face fell until the last trace of forced cheer disappeared.
"Your shoes look wonderful," Hiei said quickly, his voice rushed.
"My *feet* hurt," Mukuro admonished, really frowning now.
"Take them off," Hiei nearly spat, "a Bohemian Christmas." She forced her way up another step and his eyes widened with a bright panicky light.
"What the *hell* is wrong with you?" Mukuro glared, looking her adopted son over with a dangerous gaze. "Why do you always get *strange* at family gatherings?"
"It's not me," Hiei said, lowering his voice in as much of a confiding tone as he could manage. "It's Kurama." He glanced at the doorway just in time to see his mate duck out of sight, and his eyes darkened before he forced himself to continue, Mukuro watching him avidly. "He's a little nervous about this dinner. Maybe you could go help him, give him a few tips. You know what a bad cook he is."
"Oh," Mukuro murmured, glancing down the stairs. "Yes. All right." She stepped down a few stairs, but paused suddenly. "But aren't you going to take my bag up?"
"Later," Hiei said quickly, blocking the way with Vegeta at his back.
"Then *I'll* take it up," Mukuro frowned, pushing her son back a few steps.
"I'll take it!" Hiei said, grabbing the bag. "I'll go. I just...wanted to be close to you..." His stomach curled suddenly, and he could feel the color draining from his face when Mukuro gave a slow, satisfied smile.
Catching a disgusted look from Kurama, who was peaking around the doorway again, Vegeta smiled at the woman. "He just...loves you, so very much." Mukuro nodded and turned and Vegeta shook his head at Hiei, his expression appalled. The woman glanced back and they both smiled quickly, Mukuro frowning at them before finally going all the way down the stairs.
The phone upstairs rang, and Hiei tensed, his deep voice calling out as if he didn't know his mate was just around the corner. "Kurama? Could you come up here for a minute?"
Swallowing, Kurama moved toward the stairs only to stop when Mukuro abruptly blocked his way.
"I thought you needed help," Mukuro frowned.
"Yes," Kurama said, "well, everything's in the dining room. Why don't you light the candles, that would be good." The woman nodded and Kurama passed her, rolling his eyes, his voice too low for Mukuro to hear. "Bitch..."
The telephone was still ringing by the time they got upstairs, and Kurama answered it quickly. "Hello?"
"Put Vegeta on the line."
Turning quickly, Kurama handed the phone over. Vegeta nodded to the redhead. "Krillin?"
"How do I know this is Vegeta?" Krillin asked, staring at the payphone in suspicion.
"Because," Vegeta growled, "the next time I see you I'm going to tear all of the hair out of your balls one by one and glue them to your bald head you fucking mule, how's that?"
With a relieved laugh, Krillin shook his head. "Vegeta! Um, Vegeta..."
"Yeah?"
"A friend of mine's got a boat," Krillin said tentatively.
"Friend?" Vegeta's eyes narrowed and he stared at the phone for a second before scowling. "Nobody likes you, what are you talking about-friend?"
"Well," Krillin smiled, "somebody I just met. We have a lot in common, I think you'd like him."
"Like him? Like him?!" Growling, Vegeta stalked back and forth, his hand squeezing the phone until his knuckles turned white. "I've been sitting in this house all night wondering if I'm going to get busted or not and you're *dating*?"
"Calm down," Krillin said, "I'm not his type. Besides, this is the best I could do. Listen, he's a nice guy, and he's just gotten off parole."
Vegeta laughed, his eyes wild. "An ex con?"
"Yeah," Krillin smiled.
"How do you know he's not going to turn us in?"
"He wouldn't," Krillin explained, "he can't afford to. If he did, he'd be back in the slammer. I'm telling you, Vegeta, he's legit. There's just one little problem..."
"What?" Vegeta asked, his eyebrow twitching furiously. "A wife? Children?"
"No," Krillin said, his voice tentative again. "But the boat needs...a little work."
Vegeta's hand fell and he groaned, digging a hand in his hair and shaking his head. Crossing the room, he pushed aside the curtain over the window just in time to watch a police car drive by, a sobering sight that added to his mood. He could hear Krillin calling his name and he lifted the phone again. "How long?"
Shrugging, Krillin sighed. "An hour, hour and a half."
"An hour."
"Okay," Krillin said quickly, wincing at his partner's biting tone.
"One hour," Vegeta repeated, his voice terse. "You have one hour."
* * *
TBC