Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ A Twisted Saiyan Tale ❯ An Introduction of Sorts ( Chapter 1 )

A Twisted Saiya-jin Tale:

Chapter One

by: Mary Sue Dreck

(So, What? I've got to call myself something!)

 

Disclaimer: I am not Akira Toriyama, I don't own Dragonball, any of its sequels, Toei Entertainment, Bird Studios, Saban, Viz Graphic Novels, or Shonen Jump Magazine, and yet I am still writing a story using their characters! This A/U concept originally came from the story "Passion's Price" by Vegeta Goddess. Bwa Haa Haa Haa Haaaaaaa!!! No, seriously, please don't sue me. I am not getting a zeni for any of this.

 

Warning: Everybody in this story is totally out of character. I thought it would be funnier. Also, naughty language with a hint of lime.

 

Introduction: In 'Passion's Price', a sequel to 'Seduced by the Devil', Vegeta has just finished altering history by destroying Freiza and saving the Saiya-jin planet from destruction, on his trip back to his own time/dimension he lands in another dimension's past, on Planet Namek, and abducts their Bulma for his own private entertainment, they travel to different Dragonball eras until they hit Vegeta's. There they meet up with Cyborg Bulma, #17, #18, Gohan, and chibi Trunks. Vegeta introduces them to Young Bulma, smacks around #17 and Cyborg Bulma, and then hops into his time machine to find a new world for him and his new wife.

 

'Passion's Price' chapter 5:

"Vegeta….wait!", Gohan yelled after him. "There's one thing I don't understand…if you didn't plan on staying here then why did you come back?"

 

Vegeta climbed into the time machine and settled Bulma next to him. "Because I wanted to piss you all off", he answered.

 

"What a bastard." Seventeen condemned as the time machine disappeared from sight.

The End (or was it?)

 

Young Bulma looked down on the quickly fading group, and asked, "What about that kid? You know, our future son? Are we just going to leave him behind with Evil and Old Wrinkly Me and that effeminate vibrator she's boffing?"

 

Vegeta turned and looked at her and thought, "Hmmm, good point. Do I want Tin Can to be my son's new daddy? Oh, HFIL, no!". He said aloud, "Right, the brat, you want him? Technically he isn't your son, but a version of a kid you might have. "

 

Young Bulma shrieked, "Of course, Baka! I don't care whose dimension he came from, he is my kid! I don't want any versions of my children to be raised by evil weirdoes in a dump like that!"

 

"Fine. We'll take the brat with us."

 

"I want him, but won't Old, Wrinkly Me want to keep him?"

 

Vegeta sighed, "She may want to hang on to him to spite me, but when she got knocked up she only had him to please her parents. They wanted grandkids, and she wanted Capsule Corp. Besides, I really doubt Tin Can wants a little Vegeta clone running around underfoot. The kid's got a…….mischievous streak. But, they won't give him up if we don't offer them something in trade. You know, make 'em an offer they can't refuse."

 

Young Bulma looked out the window at the swirling colors of in-between-dimensions and nodded, "I see. Something they want or need, but can't get. Dragonballs or radar, maybe?"

 

"The Dragonballs were destroyed when Piccolo was killed"

 

"Masaka! How about Senzu beans? They got any of those?"

 

"They're made of plastic and metal, they don't actually get hurt."

 

The craft landed in a new dimension, it looked like some wilderness place on Earth. Vegeta and his new Bulma got out to look around.

 

"I don't sense the Ki of any sentient beings, just plants and animals. Let's have a look around.", Vegeta gathered Bulma up in his arms and took off skimming over the trees. They saw familiar geological landmarks, but none of the man made kind.

 

"It looks as if no sentient life evolved in this dimension. No signs of intelligent life anywhere." Bulma observed.

 

"Hhn, you think humans qualify as intelligent." Bulma punched Vegeta in the arm at this.

 

"Smart ass!" She giggled, "This might be a good place to take a break. Eat some lunch, take an inventory of what we have, what we need, talk about where we're going to stay permanently, give the time machine a tune up."

 

"Lunch is good, and the time machine runs on Warthian crystals. I was supposed to recharge them every four jumps. That was quite a ways back."

 

Bulma put her hand in her pocket and took out a dyna cap. POOF! There stood the spaceship that took her to Namek. She took out another capsule. POOF! In her hand was a remote control. She pressed a button and the portal opened.

 

"I encapsulated the ship as soon as we got to Namek. Krillin wanted to keep it with him, but I figured the little dork would just loose it."

 

"The design of the space ship and this time machine came from our space pods, they're probably are a lot alike mechanically."

 

"Hmmm, maybe we can integrate the drive components of your time machine with my space ship."

 

"Huh, what for?", Vegeta asked Bulma.

 

"Well, mainly we can travel in a little more style than that tiny broom closet of a time machine, but mainly I was thinking about………sleeping arrangements.", Bulma said significantly.

 

"Sleeping arrangements?", Vegeta questioned in a puzzled tone.

 

"You, me, and the kid, in a space that I have already pointed out that is the size of a broom closet, with one bed. Naturally we would all have to share the single bed. It would be to crowded to do any other activities but sleep. If that." Bulma stated while she gave Vegeta a suggestive look.

 

"Oh, Yeah! Those other activities! A kid in the bed would put damper on the fun, huh?" Vegeta said as he wrapped his arms around Bulma.

 

"So after we eat lunch, I get to work on the ships, okay?"

 

"Okay, but before we eat lunch, I'm going to have dessert!" Vegeta said as he picked up Bulma and took her into her ship.

 

Several Days Later……

 

Bulma shoved Vegeta off of her and out of bed, "Right, that's enough dessert for you! I won't be able to walk right for a month, you horny monkey!"

 

"Bah, I need to train, anyway. Rolling around in the sack with you may be aerobic, but I need to pump iron, a real workout. What about that gravity machine you invented for Kakkoroto? Did your father install one on this ship, too?" He got up and sat on the bed and Bulma leaned over and wrapped her arms around his shoulders.

 

"No, but I could alter the artificial gravity in part of the ship to make one. You wouldn't be able to do any Ki blasts, but you could exercise." Bulma answered while massaging him. She leaned over and started chewing on his earlobe.

 

"It'll have to do", He said turning toward her, "Hmm, How about seconds?"

 

Several More Days Later……

 

"Eeeek, that really is absolutely enough dessert!" And Vegeta landed on the floor once again. Bulma sat up and searched around for the remains of her clothing. "Ugh, these are nothing but disgusting rags now! I'm going to see if there is anything clean we can wear."

 

She wrapped the sheet around her and left the room. Vegeta groaned, got up from the floor and strolled out, naked, after her.

 

Bulma was rummaging around in some un-capsulized suitcases and foot lockers of clothing. "Ugly, gaudy Hawaiian shirts, size shrimpy. Must be Krillin's from when he lived with Master Roshi. Medium sized gi, in brown and black, must be Gohan's. And women's lingerie, extra large, don't know, don't want to know why Oolong had them in that old gym bag he left over at our house. I wonder how it got stashed in here? And, oh hey, finally my clothes! But, what about you, Vegeta? Krillin's clothes are too small, and Gohan's are too big."

 

Vegeta held up the brown gi, "Gohan is just a little kid in your time, how in the HFIL does he wear these?"

 

"Gohan a kid? Are you kidding? Goku's granddad is really old! I mean, he is only a few decades younger than Master Roshi, and that guy is a couple of centuries old!"

 

"Not Kakkorotto's granddad, Gohan. I mean his son by Chichi."

 

Bulma laughed and gave Vegeta a playful punch in the arm, "Quit joking around, Goku MARRIED! And to Chichi? Aha ha ha ha haaaaaaaa! Yeah, right!"

 

Vegeta felt a thrill run up his spine. Apparently this Bulma's dimension had a few unique variations in it. "He isn't married to the harpy?", he asked with rising interest. The less of Kakkorott or his spawn the better!

 

"Naw, no way! She tried to rope him into marrying him, along with every other guy, whether they were from the z-senshi or elsewhere. But she really didn't have any luck snaring a man 'till lately. And as for Goku, neither he nor his brothers are married."

 

"Brothers? You can't possibly mean Raditz and Turles. They're supposed to be dead!"

 

"Raditz and Turles? Oh, you mean Goten and Gochi. You and that other guy, Nappa, the other 'you', I mean, called them by those names. When 'you' came to earth to get the dragonballs, you said they were really aliens called Kakkorot, Raditz, and Turles." Bulma recalled.

 

Vegeta sat back and said, "I think we need to compare notes, because things in your dimension didn't go the same as they did in mine. Start with how you and that Baka met."

 

"Well", Bulma began, "It was like this, I was rummaging in the basement one afternoon, looking for something to do, and I found this orange ball with stars in it. I did some research and found out that it was one of the legendary Dragonballs."

 

She looked at Vegeta. Who responded with, "Ditto." She carried on with her story.

 

"Well, I packed up some stuff and was ready to open the door and take off after the rest of them when I heard this knock on the door. When I opened it there was this old man and three kids." Bulma got comfortable on the small couch in the ship's main room. Vegeta parked is tail stump next to her. He had a feeling this was going to be a long, long story. "He said his name was Son Gohan and these were his grandsons………"

 

Flashback Time Folks

 

An old Asian man stood in Bulma's doorway, he and the kids stood gawking at the huge conservatory dome. Bulma said, "Um, I'm kind of on my way out, so could you come back later?"

 

The geezer cleared his throat, "Ah hem, yes, that's what I want to discuss with you. You are off to seek the legendary dragonballs? I want to make a deal with you concerning my boys. If you take them along with you on your trip, you can have not only my dragonball here…", he held up his dragonball, "But you may also have my old master's, Muten Roshi's, the Kame-sennin, as well, and best of all you don't have to drop your knickers to get your hands on it!"

 

"Ecchiiii! Dirty old man! Get out of here!", Bulma began whacking him over the head with her purse.

 

"Gomen, Gomenasai!!! You misunderstand! I only want you to take the boys with you so they can be your bodyguards! As for Muten Roshi, well, he is an old pervert, and he will demand that sort of fee if you don't take my grandsons along."

 

"Bodyguards? They are two little kids and a teenager, how can they protect me?"

 

"I have been teaching them martial arts, but I want them to complete their training with my old master, Muten Roshi, after they have had a little adventure of course. I thought collecting the legendary dragonballs would be fun.", Old Gohan said wiping his brow. Being chased around by an irate Bulma worked up quite a sweat. "Yeah, fun."

 

"What about the wish? Who gets to make the wish? Them or Me?", Bulma went straight for the meat of the matter.

 

"Well, I thought I'd let you kids work out what you want between yourselves. Could be anything! Strawberries, a prince, a pair of panties from a hot girl! Anything you want.", Gohan answered. "Oh, and I read the boys this," He showed her a book entitled 'Human Sexuality And Reproduction: The illustrated version', "So there won't be any confusion as to what you've got up your skirt." This led to another fit with Bulma, but eventually Gohan got her calmed down and she and the boys set off on their incredible journey.

 

End Of Flashback Folks

 

"So I said yes, and we met Oolong, Yamucha and Puar, Gyuu Mau and Chichi, and a while later Krillin, Tenshinhan, Chao Tzu, and everybody over the years."

 

"Yeah, same with my Bulma, except Turles and Raditz never came to earth with Kakkorot, they came as adults and planned on purging it one way or another." Vegeta answered.

 

"Gochi and Goten are evil in your dimension. Kuso! I can't believe it!"

 

"Well, Turles, was raised by space pirates and tried to plant an evil, life draining tree on earth and was blasted into HFIL. Raditz came to earth when the Baka was about, oh, I guess 25 or 26, to find out why he didn't finish purging the planet and signal for pick up. Goku fought him, Gohan, Goku's little brat, not his Granddad, ended up kidnapped, he gets rescued by the Baka and Piccolo, Goku fights him some more, and pins Raditz down so Piccolo can finish him off, the Baka gets nailed to, Raditz tells them Nappa and I are going to show up for the Dragonballs for a wish in a year. Dead Baka trains with King Kai in next dimension, Baka's loser friends train at Kami-sama's, one year later me and Nappa show up right on schedule, Saibamen kill your weakling boyfriend, Nappa finishes Triclops and Mime Boy, or rather, they finish themselves, and the big baka swoops in, alive and well, to save his brat and Cue Ball, Nappa gets thrashed royally, I perform mercy killing to spare us both anymore of his stupidity, Goku and I square off, the Baka hands me my ass on a platter, which wouldn't have happened, by the way, if that sack of lard, Yajirobe, didn't cut off my poor tail, and then the Baka mercifully sends me home to Freiza." Vegeta recaps a good portion of Dragonball Z for Bulma, who looks at him like he fell out of a nut tree and hit every branch on the way down.

 

"Well, that is sort of like my world, but, um, ah, not quite. In our dimension Kami-sama gets some kind of divine evil alert message from somewhere and tells his evil grandchild and the Z senshi they have to use the dragonballs to go to King Kai's place to train, because some big, bad ass alien's--" At this Vegeta snickers, and Bulma elbows him to stop, "Like I was saying, some aliens are going to show up shortly and destroy the earth and steal the dragonballs, so they decide to do it and have me wish them back to earth a year later when they are finished training, which I thought was pretty dumb, because they could have just used the Dragonballs to wish themselves stronger than the evil, bad ass aliens, and not wasted a year dicking around with the creepy, bad-joke-telling, jerk, but, hey, whoever listens to me?" Bulma said. "So a year passes by, and lo and behold, who is the bad ass aliens? 'You' and some bald, pantless loser. You demand the Dragonballs, fight ensues, Yamucha gets toasted, the rest of the Z-senshi becomes cannon fodder, oh, pardon me, Saibamen fodder, Nappa killed by Gochi and Goten, they keel over from exhaustion, Goku and you scuffle some," Vegeta yelps at 'scuffle', "and then tail-loss ensues by Yajirobe, you take off to namek, and all of sudden this big guy with a monkey tail shows up, he looks just like Goku and Goten and sort of like Gochi, too. Big revelations! He is the boys' father, he tells them they are aliens called Saiya-jin, that Prince Stick-up-his-squeaky-ass, (Vegeta yelps again at this) Sorry Vegeta! he really, really is that way! Prince 'You' is supposed to use the dragonballs to make himself a super Saiya-jin, because about two or three decades ago his father, or uncle, or somebody, killed this cross dressing lizard, and the lizard's father finally figured out it was the monkey butts (Vegeta really yelled "HEY!!!" at this) and was out for revenge! But, other 'you' has other plans for the dragonballs, not lizard extermination. Well, anyway, me, Gohan, and Krillin take off to Namek with Bardock to get the, SURPRISE, other set of Dragonballs, we were waiting for Goku to catch up in his ship when you kidnapped me." Bulma finished her dimension's version of events.

 

Vegeta looked thoughtful, "I have a pretty strong feeling that your dimension is the one I was sent to by #17 and Old Bulma. After we snatch 'our' kid from Mr. and Mrs. Tobor, we'll definitely return to your dimension and time."

 

"Oh, goody, I was hoping you'd say that." Bulma leaned over to kiss him, "After we take care of the other 'you' and the pervy reptiles, you can destroy Dr. Gero and his nasty robots before they can make any trouble for my world."

 

Before they got started on their project they decided they had room a third helping of Vegeta's favorite 'dessert'