Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ A Twisted Saiyan Tale ❯ What's in a name? ( Chapter 5 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

Where in Vegeta learns the true depth of Bulma's lingerie obsession. Long lost relatives rear their ugly heads. And sexual proclivities are discussed.
(I feel like I should tell you something about myself now. I got started writing fanfics because I am in fact an addict. I'd get hooked on a good series and then the author would NEVER finish the story. So to get my fix I'd finish the story for myself. I may put some of these up later on.)

Anime/Manga: Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy / Action | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 04.07.2005 | Pages: 27 | Words: 23.1K | Visits: 167 | Status: Completed

A Twisted Saiya-jin Tail: Chapter the Fifth

By: A very sad and odd individual.

(Hey, If you don't make fun of my screen name, I won't make fun of yours)

Warning: All the characters in this story are out of character, including the author.

Disclaimer: If you have any delusion at all that I own Dragonball Z/GT or anything related to Dragonball Z/GT you are a dumb sap. If you are Akira Toriyama please don't sue me. I have nothing to my name but a small shrine to you in my bedroom which I light incense in front of and also use to make human sacrifices of all the people who flame me.

In the previous chapter Bulma and Vegeta rescue the elderly version of their son Trunks from a world sucked dry by Imperfect Cell. They speed on their way into the unknown hoping to land in Vegeta's dimension to rescue yet another version of Trunks from a Cyborg Bulma and her boyfriend #17. Around and around they go, where they stop nobody knows! Bwa, ha, ha, ha, haaaaaaaa!!!!

They landed with a solid ka-thump very quickly into the next dimension. But,

what time were they in, and what world? This time it was also Capsule Corp., but

when was it? The dome was whole and perfect and shining. The garden was

immaculately groomed. The rest of West City seemed to be equally as wholesome,

clean, and prosperous, also lively.

"Well, I know where we are, but when is it. Could it be this Trunk's world in

the past.", Vegeta said as he gestured at the ancient version of his son.

"It looks exactly like mine, actually, but the trees in the garden seem much

bigger. Older.", Bulma answered.

"That's because it is your world and the trees have gotten older.", An older

version of Bulma said to 'herself'.

Vegeta, Bulma, and Elderly Trunks slowly turned around to face the people

behind them. What they saw was not the 'Cyborg Bulma' Vegeta left behind, but a

different Bulma entirely. And she was not alone.

"You're late.", Vegeta told 'himself'.

*********

This might also be a good moment for a cliffhanger. I mean, it sort of begs me to leave you hanging, doesn't it? I could decide this is the perfect moment to run to the kitchen for a sandwich or decide to wash my hair. Ooo, oooo, I know, how about I leave off writing the ending for several months. I bet that would really put a knot in people's shorts! Ha, Ha, just kidding. End of authorial chain yanking. Please continue reading story.

*********

'Themselves' invited them to a picnic lunch with the rest of 'their' family in the

back garden. 'They' seemed to be expecting the dimensional travelers and know

exactly who they were. So they followed 'themselves' into the backyard. Vegeta

and Bulma couldn't seem to drag their eyes away from, well, 'Vegeta'! He seemed

like the most radically different version of anybody they could have imagined.! His

hair, what was left of it, was cut short and spiky in a crew cut! The younger Bulma

cried out, "Oh, Vegeta, your hair! Your hair! And a mustache, too."

At this, the elder Vegeta smirked, but the younger one scowled. He didn't know

what was worse, the hair or the motorcycle clothes. "Well, that hair is ridiculous.",

the younger Vegeta thought, "But, the mustache isn't so bad. My O-tou-san had a

goatee and mustache. Hmm, I might try that myself. It's quite stylish."

The biggest difference was his tail! This older Vegeta had regenerated his tail!

The younger Vegeta couldn't help but think, "Masaka! Things really are looking

up! I get my mojo back! When I landed on Namek I was bored and lonely and

wishing for some tail. It looks like I really got what I wished for. Literally!"

They were so busy staring at the differences between the two it took them a

moment to notice the family waiting in the backyard. There were two young men

with lilac hair in their late 'teens who appeared to be twins seated at a picnic table.

Next to the boys was a younger teenage girl with blue-green hair. On the other

side of the table was a chibi about eleven years old who was a younger copy of the

older twins. On one side of him was a chibi who looked just like Vegeta! On the

other side was a girl, same age as the Vegeta clone, about six, who was a copy of

the teenage girl, but with green hair. On the short end of the picnic table sat a baby

in a high chair who started to wail whenever the teenage girl stopped shoveling

baby food from into his mouth.

"Well, I think you can guess who we are.", stated the older Vegeta.

"Kami-sama! It can't be!", yelled younger Vegeta.

"NANI?", shrilled the nervous younger Bulma.

"They are us! Future us! Aren't you?", the younger Vegeta came back with.

"Took you long enough."

"Huh, so what's with all the brats? The 'twins' are my son and this old geezer,

right? And the teenage girl is the one she," he pointed to Younger Bulma, "is

knocked up with, I think, but where did these other brats come from?"

"I can answer that.", said the teenage girl, "You hump like ferrets, duh. I mean

it's all you do. All over the place."

"Bula!", yelled her parents, the older version of them, that is.

"What? It's true! You're all over each other. All the time!", she said as she stuffed

some strained carrots into her baby brother's mouth.

"Well, it's nice to know we stay hot for each other, but seven? SEVEN!?",

Vegeta's voice got high and squeaky. "Condoms don't exist in this dimension,

huh?"

"They exist, but they can't stand up to your Super Saiya-jin, um, ah, affection.",

said the Older Bulma, "Besides, 'we' didn't have that many! Just a few, really!

Besides, we had so much fun making them!", with that, this 'Bulma' gave her

Vegeta such a lusty look that for a moment the younger couple thought she was

going to rip off his pants and throw him down on the picnic table and make a few

more kids right then and there!

"Yuck! They're doing it again!", said the violet haired chibi boy.

"Yeah, mom, dad, don't you guys ever stop?", said one of the 'twins'. The

younger Vegeta wondered if it was his Trunks or the one they just found.

The elder couple tore their rather intense gazes from each other and turned to

the younger couple.

"I, er, have to go get…get the, um, barbecue sauce. Vegeta would you help

me?", the Elder Bulma stated.

"Oh, yeah, the barbecue sauce. Sure, I'll help you get it. The lid is really, um,

tricky to get off.", came her Vegeta's answer. With that they raced off into the

house and slammed the door shut behind them.

"They'll be back in about an hour when they're done fooling around.", said the

other 'twin'.

"So…why don't you help yourself to the food while were waiting. I don't know

what they decided to tell you about your future so please don't ask us any

questions about that. We don't want to upset our dimension's timeline.", said the

girl Bula. With this the younger Bulma and the younger Vegeta sat down and

helped themselves to plates of barbecued chicken and coleslaw and potato salad

and the rest of the picnic. The ancient Trunks, on the other hand, only got a jar of

baby food because of the toothlessness he shared with his infant future brother.

"Can we ask your names?", younger Vegeta asked.

"Yeah, I know they were planning on that.", came her answer, "You already

know I'm called Bula. I'm fourteen. Boys, sis, introduce yourselves to our past

'parents'."

"Drawers", said the long-haired teenage twin with a wince. Then he added, "Aged seventeen."

Vegeta sniggered at 'Drawers' and said, "Woman, you and your obsession!"

"Briefs. Aged 'ditto'.", the short-haired 'twin' indicated his 'brother'. He gestured

to his twin, "We celebrate our birthday on the date you arrived back in Mama's

timeline with us since figuring out our real birthdays is impossible."

"Oh, you're named after my daddy!", cried the younger Bulma happily when she

heard 'Briefs' name.

"Your father's name is 'Dr. Briefs Briefs'?", Vegeta asked incredulously. "Oi!"

"What? You were married to another me and you didn't know that?", shrieked

Bulma.

"He refused to tell anyone what his first name was. He told me to call him Dr.

Briefs or dad when 'we' got together. I can't say I blame him.", Vegeta muttered

this last sentence very quietly under his breath.

"Ah-HEM. If we may continue?", Bula asked her past 'parents' loudly.

"Right."

"Sure."

"Okay, next in line is me.", said the lavender-haired chibi boy. "I'mTrunks and

I'm eleven years old."

"NANI? I thought the other boys used to be 'Trunks'?", yelled Vegeta.

"Well, I'M Trunks, now. You changed their names when you finally came to

live here in this dimension. New home, new parents, well, sort of new parents, new

lives, therefore new names! Besides that, you couldn't have two Trunks. So you

had to change their names. Then, when I came along you-", he jerked his thumb at

Vegeta. "-you said 'Looks like another Trunks'. We all also have nearly the same

birthday. So I became 'Trunks'."

"Those two really are twins. The girl is Camisole, and the boy is Vegeta Jr.

Aged five.", said their older sister. The brats indicated by Bula's pointing finger

were to busy stuffing their faces with hamburgers to speak for themselves.

"Hey, she's named after my mama! And, Vegeta, did you hear? He not only

looks like you, he has your name, too!", squealed Bulma excitedly.

"Mama wanted to call me 'Garters' or 'Pantyhose'.", the brat in question looked

up from his food and said.

"Nice to know one of our kids didn't get saddled with the lingerie names.

Yuck!"

"Hey! My mama's maiden name was Lingerie! What's so bad about that?"

"Bwa, ha, ha, ha, haaaaaaaa!!! Dr. Briefs Briefs married Camisole Lingerie? No

wonder why you're obsessed with undies! Ha, ha, ha, aha, ha, haaaa!!!"

"Oh, so what were your parents called? Dopey vegetable names, I bet!"

"HEY! I'll have you know-", Vegeta's outraged answer was cut off by the

return of their older counterparts. Counterparts who appeared to have been

ravaged by wild grizzlies on the way back from retrieving the barbecue sauce.

"The lid must have been really stuck.", was younger Bulma's only comment.

"It must have been only a quickie.", was Bula's only comment. "Oh, and before

I forget, last, but not least, is Baby Sarado. Six months old. Mama finally did run

out of underwear names so he got to be called after your mother." She said this to

Vegeta. "Well, she really didn't run out, but papa said he wasn't going to have any

son of his called 'Gataa' or 'Pansutto'. So he's Sarado."

"Salad? Your mother's name was Salad? Ha, ha, ha, ha, haaaaaa! And you

made fun of me? That's rich!", younger Bulma chortled merrily.

Whatever angry response younger Vegeta was going to make got cut off by the

arrival of Bulma's parents. Introductions, though hardly necessary, were made and

they settled down to the "brass tacks".

*******

For the rest of the chapter Younger Bulma andYounger Vegeta will be referred to as Y.B. and Y.V., while the older version will be obviously O.B. and O.V.

*******

"So, you are us in the future? What can you tell us?", asked Y.V.

"Not much. We don't want to mess up our timeline so we planned on only

introducing ourselves over lunch and reassuring you that we, or I should say you

will be very happy together.", came O.B.'s answer.

"So you aren't going to give us the tiniest little hint at all how we got where

you are now? Not even a little peek into the future? Come on, you can trust us!",

Y.B. wheedled.

"No, Girl, and that's final.", came O.V.'s answer. Y.B. pouted at this, but

remained silent for the moment.

"Papa, why don't you tell them about the t.v. show about us, and the movies.",

piped up little Trunks. The ancient Trunks was still noisily slurping on stewed

prunes.

"We're on t.v.? How did that happen?", the younger couple excitedly asked the

boy while the older couple glared at him.

"You aren't supposed to be giving them hints about the future, Brat!", O.V.

said as he glared at his son. The boy slouched down in his chair and tried to

pretend he wasn't there.

"Yeah, O-kaa-san, O-tou-san, why don't you tell them? It's one thing everybody

would like to forget ever happened.", chimed in Bula.

"Shhhhh, girl! No more future talk!", her father yelled.

"Papa, it was a huge mistake! If we tell them they can make sure it doesn't

happen.", came one of the teenage boys.

"NO CHANGING THE PAST!!! WAKARIMASUKA?", O.V. roared at his

brats.

"But, O-tou-san", whined the other teenage boy, "They made me look like I'm

gay! Everybody thinks Goten and I are a couple. And every time I walk down the

street total strangers call me G.T., now!"

"Yeah, and everybody calls me 'Mirai'", the other added.

"That's not so bad as what they say about me! They say I'm with Pan and I can't

fight or go Super or anything!", yelled their teen sister. "Just because I don't go

Super in public doesn't mean I'm a wus."

"You can go to Super Saiya-jin, and don't? Why not?", Y.V. interrupted

curiously.

"I don't go Super when anybody is around. I mean, seriously, have you seen

what it does to your hair. Eeeek!", was her response.

"She's your daughter all right.", Y.V. said to Y.B. Both Bulmas glared at him

which caused both Vegetas to smirk more.

"Maybe we should tell them something about the t.v. contract, Vegeta."

"All right, Woman, but if this alters the future and the past it's on you!"

"We'll only talk about the T.V. show and nothing else. Besides, what's the

harm? We can't alter our past so we don't exist. It would be a paradox.", she told

her husband and then turned to the earlier version. "We were contacted by this big

movie producer last year to turn our life stories into a t.v. show and movies, and

somehow it got out of hand."

"Capsule Corp. got an exclusive contract to manufacture the product tie-ins

and we get royalties on top of that for them using our names and images.", Dr.

Briefs said.

"Product tie-ins?", Y.V. asked curiously.

"Sure. Video games, action figures, posters, stationary, T-shirts, oh, everything

with Dragonball on it. Every thing from screen savers to sheets and pillowcases.

Absolutely everything! And Dragonball and it's spin-offs aren't just a global

sensation, it's a universal sensation.", O.B. supplied. "However, the kids feel that

some of the 'dramatizations' made by the show's producers isn't compensated by

the money."

At this the kids made some surly grumbling sounds under their breaths. And

one of the teenage boys muttered, "Not nearly!"

"Dramatizations?", asked younger Vegeta.

"Yeah, they said 'you' had to many kids. So guess what? Me and Camisole are

one person. She plays me as a brat, and I play myself as a teen. And I can't fight!",

Bula answered before her parents could. "AS IF!"

"SO? I'M GAYER THAN FREIZA! YOU THINK THAT'S FAIR?", yelled her

brother Briefs also known as 'G.T. Trunks'. "At least he got to be cool and angsty

so chicks dig him!" He pointed at his 'twin'. "And straight!"

"So, what? Everybody calls me 'brat' like its my name.", cried Chibi Trunks.

"And I had to play one of you guys as a kid. Or you played me grown up. It's

kinda confusing."

"Well, I only got two lousy cameo roles.", said Junior, "I played papa for about

twelve seconds and then I played papa's great-grandson for half a nanosecond.

How fair is that?" He stabbed his deviled egg savagely at this.

"Nani?", Y.V. asked.

"Oh, well, they needed actors to do, you know, flashbacks for character

development, and he looks so much like me, er, us, I mean.", answered his older

self.

"Yes, in the t.v. show and movies we only have two kids. Well, three, if you

count the one from another dimension who travels back in time to warn us about

the coming of the androids."

"That really happens?", Y.B. asks.

"No, but the t.v. producer wanted to put one of our teenage sons on to boost

the demographic of female fans and this was a perfect excuse to sneak him in."

"Yeah, and I would have been the new star of the show if Yajirobe, he's the

Sons' agent, hadn't gotten jealous of my popularity, because he loses money when

the Sons' lose popularity. Less product endorsements, less royalties. So he pulled

some strings to have the character cancellation clause invoked and they were going

to kill me off, but they brought me back temporarily because of a fan based write-

in campaign.", interjected Drawers, also known as 'Mirai Trunks'. "Dad and I both

got Emmys for that miniseries."

"We sued the producers, but we had to settle for a movie deal about the life

story of 'Mirai Trunks'. The brat got an Oscar for that movie, 'though."

"I did all my own stunts.", added 'Mirai Trunks'.

"So you all are t.v. stars?", asked Y.B. curiously. "Even the baby?"

"Oh, yes, even Sarado had a role as 'Baby Trunks'.", the counterpart stated.

~~~~~~~

Their minds a whirl of facts, the younger couple and their ancient son staggered

upstairs to their guest bedrooms to rest while they waited for the Warthian crystals

to recharge. The last thing Y.B. mumbled while she drifted off to sleep was,

"Percentage of the gross versus stock options or maybe a percentage of net

earnings…."

Bulma and Vegeta awoke from their nap refreshed and ready for some mid-day

snuggling. This activity was getting rather heated when they heard their guest

room door open and a little boy say, "Oh, yuck, I think I've been traumatized

again. You two fool around just as much as Kaa-san and Tou-san, I bet."

Vegeta, without rolling off of Bulma he said, "You'd win that bet, because we

are your Kaa-san and Tou-san. Now get out before I have to blast you into

another dimension. You've interrupted us at a rather critical moment!"

"Ewww, ugh, SUPER YUCK!!!", was chibi Vegeta's reply.

Bulma's only comment was "Oh, Kami-sama!" Her only comment when Vegeta

went back to what he was doing was "OH, KAMI-SAMA!!!"

When they were a-hem, er, refreshed from their late afternoon canoodling they

took an equally entertaining shower, got dressed, and went downstairs to see if

Bulma's counterpart had finished recharging the ship's power cells giving the

engine a tune up.

"So everything is up and running as it should?", Y.B. asked her elder

counterpart.

"Yes, you can leave at any time you like."

The rest of the conversation was interrupted by a noise that was growing

steadily louder outside the Capsule Corp. home's walls. It sounded like a flock of

overly hyper sea gulls on helium. The older couple didn't look at all surprised and

the children looked annoyed. The younger Bulma and Vegeta simply looked at

each other and then at the family curiously. The elderly Trunks didn't seem to have

any opinions or ideas about the rising noise because he had nodded off to sleep

again and was gently snoring away in a lawn chair.

"What on Chikyuu-sei is that?", asked Younger Bulma as the noise became

loud enough to determine it was mostly female screaming.

"O-nii-chans' fan girls.", was Cami's reply.

At this, both boys blushed a red worthy of Vegeta himself.

"Not all of them are girls, 'though. There are some fan boys, too!", said Y.V.

when he flew up a ways to have a look.

"Stupid t.v. show!", was 'G.T. Trunks' growled comment. He added, "Stupid

spawn of Kakarotto."

"So the Baka finally popped out a kid, huh? What's he got to do with anything?

I thought you said something about you and Kakarotto's brother, Goten?", asked a

smirking Vegeta.

"That's also the name of one of his brats. He's got three. Gohan, Goten, and

Pan. They're all-", whatever Briefs was going to add was cut off by his father, the

elder version that is.

"That's enough. We aren't supposed to be giving them too much of a glimpse

into the future."

"Hunh! Well, I don't know what the big deal is. So what? The Baka finally got

married. I bet it was to that harpy, Chichi. Right? She finally tricked him into

marrying her. That's no big deal. She did that years ago in my, excuse me, our

home dimension.", was the younger Vegeta's response.

"Well, I suppose….It is something you already know. Yes, Goku finally got

hog tied by Chichi. She got him drunk and he woke up in Las Vegas married to

her. But that's all we can tell you. I can't say anything at all about their kids.", then

Bulma added, "Or grandchild. Remember, we are only discussing stuff from the

show."

"Oh, Mama! What's the big deal? Gohan is a whipped, mama's boy nerd. Goten

is queerer than a three dollar bill. AND PAN IS THE WORST! She's a bitch like

her mother. We had to pretend to be best friends on T.V. and I can't stand her.

Always going on how she's a fighter and I'm a shopper! Well! I'd like to see her

survive the 75% off Post-Dende-Mas sales! She'd get her ass handed to her!",

shrieked Bula.

As her present version mother scolded her over spilling the future beans and

using foul language, the past version looked shocked and speechless while both

Vegetas shared an evil smirk over the hated Kakarotto's worthless spawn.

"Married to Chichi and the father of Bakas just like himself. Priceless.", Y.V.

thought happily to himself. "He may have surpassed me by becoming a Super

Saiya-jin first, but I surpassed him with my children. Both in quantity and quality.

Wait? Did my future Bulma mention a grandkid?" Aloud he asked "What's this

about a grandchild? The Baka has grandchildren? Which one of his brat's is

married?"

"Gohan the oldest.", came his older self's answer in spite of the older Bulma's

shriek of protest at spilling more future secrets. "Yoiks! What a spawn! The kid is

called Goku Jr. and talk about dorky! His mother and grandmother dress him up

like that kid on that T.V. show. What was he called? Steve Urkel. A complete

nancy boy."

"So he has a Gohan here as well? You did mention that. Huh, sounds as if he

turned out just like the other one in my, pardon me, 'our' home dimension.", stated

Y.V. thoughtfully.

"That's 'cause he is!", interjected Vegeta Jr. "You-" His mother clamped a hand

over his mouth before he could volunteer even more forbidden knowledge about

their real lives.

"T.V. SHOW ONLY! THAT IS ABSOLUTELY ENOUGH FUTURE TALK

ABOUT REAL LIFE!!! DO YOU UNDERSTAND??? NO MORE AT ALL!!!",

the future Bulma roared. She turned to the younger B/V couple and said

menacingly, "Get. Into. The. Ship. And. Go. Now." In a tone that said 'no

arguments'. With that the young couple and their elderly 'son' got quickly into the

ship and roared off into the sky. There came a POP! and they were on their way.

"Whew, I thought you guys were going to give everything away and screw

everything up!", said a relieved future Bulma. "You could have erased our whole

lives!"

The teenagers gave a I-could-care-less eye rolls and snorts of disgust. The

chibis just looked confused.

Mustache Vegeta smirked evilly, "How? Remember, no paradoxes. I remember

having this same conversation fifteen years ago. As him. The past version of me, I

mean. It's already happened. We couldn't change anything that happened and erase

ourselves. It would be a paradox. You said so yourself."

"Still!" His wife grumbled. "I don't like to take chances with our real lives."

"Bah, Woman! You worry to much. Things will turn out just exactly as they

should. We both know that."

"Well, It was you who wanted to tell them nothing.", she answered with a flip

of her hair. "We got rid of them just in time. We have to get to the television

station for our interplanetary publicity interview with Zarbon."

"Feh, stupid PR stunts.", was Vegeta Sr.'s only response. "What a come down

for a warrior. He's a glorified gossip columnist."

When the family finished up cleaning away the evidence of their counterparts

visit when Bulma's long lost brother (DUN! DUN! DUNNN!!! Yes, a long lost

relative who will be explained later) arrived with his sons. Tapion and Minosha

arrived with the large man and his boys. Bulma looked up and waved them down

to the table. "They left?", asked the Brolli/Juu-rokuban look alike.

"Yes, they are gone, but you need to get ready for the interview. I left your

suits up in your room."

"Aw, Bulma, why do we have to go?", Tapion asked as he gestured to his

brother, "Our roles were hardly more than cameos and Sixteen is supposed to be

destroyed or dead or somethin'. Can't we bow out of this one.", he whined to his

cousin.

"Yeah, Bulma, can't we skip it?", pleaded Minosha.

"You skipped the last PR photo shoot so you can't miss this one, too.", the lady

stated firmly. "That goes for you, too, little brother.", she said to the large man.

"What about us? Can't we skip it?", pleaded his eldest son who looked so

much like Truten/Gotenks.

"NO!"

At this she hustled her family inside to clean themselves up. Bulma fussed over

Vegeta's and the boys' clothes and left the girls to primp in the bathroom in peace.

When they were spit polished to her satisfaction they set off for the world capital

and the television station. The two youngest children rode in a capsule car with

their mother while the other older kids flew along side with their fathers.

When they got to the television station they, the Saiya-jin and his kids and

nephews, et al. powered up to Super Saiya-jin and swooped in for a flashy

entrance. They allowed Bulma to land the air car first, and with the light of their

Super Saiyan ki flashing off the sequins of her dress, they came roaring in with a

gloriously loud Ka-Boom!. Following this was a quieter entrance by Grandpa and

Grandma Briefs with 'Little Brother'. After allowing the paparazzi to take a half

ton of photos or so they stalked up the red carpet for their big interview.

Things went so-so. They were asked the inevitable boring typical questions like

"does all your hair turn golden?" (yes). And "will you ever formally come out of

the closet with your life partner?" (I AM NOT GAY!) and such. Along with

"What's it like being in bed with a man who has an extra appendage?" (I have

seven kids, what do you think?) Not only questions, but comments as well…."I

thought your species was dead." (There is no such race as Konack-jin, we're really

Demi-Saiyans, and we look like Trunks because we're cousins, duh! Don't you

know reality from a dumb T.V. show?), "Will your real father ever acknowledge

you in public, and anyway, how did Vegeta get pregnant?" (We're not really

Gogeta and Uubu! Vegeta and Goku are not our parents, we didn't come from

fusion, we just played the fusion characters on T.V., our parents are a human and a

Saiya-jin called Wellies.) "Why is everyone called underwear names in your family,

but you are named after rain gear and a number?" (My birth name is not really #16 or Brolli, of course, but I legally changed it from 'Thong Briefs' as soon as I um,

er, became a legal adult! For years I was 'Bob Saget, Jr.', but the names of the

characters I played on our T.V. show were so popular I legally changed it again.)

The questions and comments got even more personal and the outraged

responses of the family to these impertinent questions might have caused disaster

in the past as tempers and ki flared, but since these were nothing the family hadn't

heard before, mayhem did not ensue during the interview. Much to the Saiyan and

Demi-Saiyan's disappointment. They took another round of publicity shots

afterwards and got ready to leave. There was a news stand in the lobby of the

broadcasting building and Vegeta Sr. sauntered over to see if the latest issue of his

favorite martial arts magazine had come out yet. Score! It was. As Vegeta leafed

through it something caught his eye. Tabloids. Hmm, pictures of his sons and

daughter. And Kakkorotto's spawn, too. What was the headline?

"SHIMATTA!!!", Howled Vegeta in outrage. "Eeh kuso! Kono kusottare!"

"Vegeta, what is it?!"

"Yes, Father, what has happened?"

"Look, look!!!", was the only thing he was able to sputter out while pointing at

the headlines of some of the sleazier tabloids. And have you known tabloids to be

anything else? They ran over to look. The youngest children couldn't see,

thankfully, what the others were staring at. Lurid headlines in large point font

seemed to scream out, "Pan, Bula, and Uub in polyandrous bisexual love triangle

with own brothers: Son family shocked, devastated, Briefs family supportive." and

"Vegeta real father of Son Goten II: Son Goku and Son Chichi reveal shocking

paternity test results!" along with "Vegeta leaves wife of nearly two decades for

(2) famous male co-stars: See within for shocking love-nest photos with Son

Goku and Yamucha!", "Bulma Brief's incestuous affair with twin sons: answers

the question of who does mom really love best?", and last but not least "Krillin's

wife is really one of the Stepford wives!" which everybody ignored because it was

true. An outraged and vein popping Vegeta powered up to a Super Saiya-jin level

nobody had ever seen before and let out a bellow of rage that shattered windows

and glass for miles! Unfortunately, so did his teenage children. While Bulma

hustled the youngest, with her hands clamped tightly over their eyes, out the door

to their waiting capsule sports car with her parents, brother, and nephews

following. The rest of the family rose into the sky. Power crackled around them in

a deadly lightning storm of ki. Just then the clouds in the evening sky parted and

the moon, in all it's full glory, came into view. Tail lashing back and forth behind

him Vegeta went, well, ape shit! Okay, okay, he went Oozaru, for you purists!

But, you get the point. Silhouetted against the sky stood a tremendous ape which

pounded it's chest and roared its rage into the night air. The photographers and

reporters and fans and all the other gawkers outside the T.V. station scattered

screaming in fear. The giant, Kong sized beast leaped into the air and landed with a

THUD! on a nearby rooftop. It was a theater headlining 'Ginyuu troop! Live and

in person one day only!' Special performance in Swan Lake. Booom! Vegeta

leveled the building with one stomp. He began stomping his way across the city

from building top to building top. The Super Demi-Saiyans gathered their ki and

with "Gallic Gun Attack!", "Final Flash!" and "Big Bang!" the broadcasting

building, the street, well HFIL, the WHOLE damn block went up in flames! And

with that the teenagers took off after their father.

~~~~~~~~

Somewhere faraway, and not so faraway, a group of beings sat in front of

a television set on a couch watching the mayhem. Four odd looking green beings

and one even odder looking black one. Watching over Chikyu-sei and it's

problems was the usual day's events. This was the usual day's event since this was

their job. Not watching T.V., well, except maybe the evening news, but their job as

guardians watching over Chikyu-sei. As they sat on the couch the teenage one

held out a bowl of crushed ice to the oddest.

"Namekian pop corn, Popo-san?".

The black one held up his own bowl and answered, "I got the real thang,

dawg."

"I wish you'd stop copying those rappers, Mr. Popo.", said the elderly green alien.

"Oh, Great grandparent, unclench!", said the young alien sitting next to him.

"Word.", the odd black being added while the elderly Green Being grumbled about the way kids acted these days.

"Offspring, behave yourself. You are the next Kami-sama, show the old fart some respect."

This caused both oldster and youngster alike to grumble, but they were cut off by the arrival of a third green alien who sat next to them and said, "So, Nail, what's on tonight? Anything good?"

"Usual crap.", came the answer.

"Reality television, mainly, but we found a monster movie.", added the youngest green being.

The other middle aged green alien watched as a giant ape swatted at airplanes while it clung to the top of a skyscraper. "I like the one with Mothra better."

"Mecha Godzilla and Rodan are da bomb, Piccolo-sama.", added the very odd black being.

"Yeah, they're pretty good, but I like Reptillicus the best.", said the green kid.

"No wonder you kids today turn out so ignorant. Watching this kuso. Your

parents should have you meditating or fasting or something constructive. Instead

of rotting your mind watching television.", the old green geezer interrupted with.

The great grandchild glared at him.

Another green being, a guy between the elderly fellow and the two adults in

years, had come up behind the couch to watch what was going on and hearing

this said, "Feh, that's a real laugh! The original dead beat dad is criticizing my

offspring's child rearing choices? That is RICH coming from you! Especially

since you never raised your child."

The elderly green alien settled back and grumbled to himself about 'evil

offspring' and 'fat chance letting them absorb my ki' and 'should have made the

Saiya-jin the new Kami-sama'. The just-past-middle-aged alien pulled up an

armchair and sat down to watch.

"Did you say there was a monster movie on, Dende? Am I in it?", he asked.

"Yeah, but it ain't 'bout ya all, Ma-Mao. It's da one wit' dat big monkey in it.",

they odd black being answered before the green teenager could.

"See if one of the Godzilla flicks is playing. I can't stand King Kong flicks. The

big ape movie reminds me of Goku."

The odd looking black being picked up the remote and obliged.

~~~~~~~

Meanwhile, Mustache Vegeta was rampaging through the city stomping all the

newsstands, newspaper publishers, magazine editors, radio stations and news

organizations flat along with all the 'adult' bookstores and as well as the occasional

ordinary bookstore that featured 'tell all' biographies. His three oldest offspring

swooped in afterwards to finish off any and all survivors. When all the hated

purveyors of smut were destroyed they swooshed! off to another city to cleanse it

of the dreadful, insulting lies written about them. When they finally finished

leveling every newspaper and magazine press on the planet they came to rest in

that enormous desert they always ended up fighting in.

"Well, let's see 'em slander the Saiya-jin noh Ouji again!", a powered down

Vegeta panted.

"Yeah, let's see what they have to say about us now!", his daughter added.

"You know what? This is all those Sons' fault, too! Let's teach them a lesson, too."

"Oh, Bula, you just want an excuse to pound on Pan-chan. They wouldn't like

those stories any more than we do.", interjected Drawers, a.k.a. Mirai Trunks.

"Chisana koe de, boy, the girl has a good idea!", her father said with an evil

smirk.

Boy Briefs smacked his fist into his palm and said with an evil smirk

worthy of his father, "Yeah, let's pay my pal Goten a visit!"

"You three do what you like, but I'm going to see how Mama is doing.", said

his twin who streaked off into the starry sky like a comet.

The remaining royal family members went Super Saiya-jin and scorched off in

the direction of Mt. Frying Pan. When they arrived Vegeta went Oozaru once

more and the ass whooping was on! Vegeta vs. Goku, Bula vs. Pan, and Briefs vs.

Goten. Gohan, the son, not grandfather, made to join in the fight, but his mother

gave a harpy-like screech and ordered him to return. His wife came out and began

to berate him for wanting to join the fight. Goku II sniveled into his mama's apron.

The Son family received a short, savage beating and then Vegeta and company

took off with a triumphant roar of victory toward home.

"What in HFIL was that all about?", said a bruised and dazed Goku.

"Search me!", said Goten, "I've never seen hot, little Briefy-wiefies so worked

up!"

"Yeah, what's the big deal? Miss Priss has never gotten that angry with me. Not

even if I pull her hair when we spar.", added Goku's daughter.

"I have no idea what that uncivilized baboon was thinking. I don't know why

you three even associate with that jumped up trash! That Bulma is nothing but a

common trollop and her husband is a rotten, slimy little bastard. Always have been

and always will be! And it shows in their children. Queen and King of all Saiya-jin,

indeed!" came the harpy's shrill response. Just then newspapers that had been stuck

to Vegeta's Oozaru fur came fluttering to Earth around them. Gohan picked one

up and began to read.

He started to laugh and laugh and laugh. He dropped the paper and doubled

over laughing. The others raced over to him to see what had caused his merriment.

"What, What is it?", shrieked his mother.

"What's so funny?", shrieked his equally shrill wife, Videl.

Unable to answer from his convulsive laughter he thrust the papers into their

faces. They huddled around and read what had set off Vegeta's rampage and

Gohan's hysterical laughter.

"Vegeta real father of Son Goten II: Shocking paternity test results inside!"

"Polyandrous Bisexual Love Triangle?"

However, other headlines seemed to enrage them more.

"Pan loses her lover Uub to her own brother!"

"Gohan leaves wife for Namek lover, Dende!"

"DBZ Girl on Girl action: pictures of Bula/Pan and Chichi/Bulma at their Hottest!"

"Well, they got one right at least.", said Gohan when he was able to speak

again. And he pointed to one of the tabloids of the sleazier 'alien goat impregnates

watermelon with Elvis clone' sci-fi variety. "'Gohan forced to dump hot, blond

girlfriend to marry clone of his own mother!'" This caused both his mother and

wife to turn on him shrilling angrily. And so ends chapter five, but wait there's

more! Please read chapter six to find out what happens next.