Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ A Twisted Saiyan Tale ❯ AAAAARGH!!!! ( Chapter 6 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

A Twisted Saiya-jin Tail: chapter the sixth

By: My mom says Hi.

Disclaimer: I am just a fan. I don't own Dragonball or any of it's characters, spin-offs, etc. Come on, folks, you know I'm not Akira Toriyama and I'm not making a yen off any of this. So tell the copyright lawyers to turn a blind eye. Pleeeeease!!!

Warning: Everybody out of character, naughty language, etc.

In the last chapter Vegeta and Bulma ran into themselves fifteen years into the future and met their future offspring. They also discover they are the stars of an insanely popular t.v. show and movies. And as a result even more filthy rich and famous.

What else will the future hold? What will the past hold? What will the present hold? Read and find out.

Vegeta and Bulma looked out the portal as their ship roared up into the sky and down at their future family. With a loud Pop! they were once more within the swirling, sickening colors of non-time and non-space. They settled back into their seats with a sigh.

"Well, that was certainly……different.", Bulma finally said. "Wow. That is the only thing I can think of when I think of our future. 'Wow'."

"Wow just about covers how I feel, too.", came from Vegeta. What he was thinking to himself was, "Kuso, maybe this was a huge mistake. I mean, tied down with seven kids! What have I gotten myself into? Do I want to be the typical boring suburban mini-capsule-van driving dad? Sounds pretty boring."

Whatever Elderly Trunks was thinking is unknown because he had lapsed into la-la land and was currently staring off into space and gently drooling.

"Wow! Things really turn out great, don't they!? I mean who would think we'd have that many kids? Or that much money, I mean, Capsule Corp. is really rich and powerful, but we really clean up on that T.V. deal thing, and we're super famous, too!", Bulma happily babbled on.

"Yeah, super.", was all Vegeta could say while he secretly thought, 'How in the HFIL do I get out of this? And I thought my first Bulma was a nightmare. Masaka!'

While Vegeta was contemplating dumping his new Bulma the ship began to vibrate and shudder in some sort of back draft in time. Bulma checked the readings on the monitor and began pressing buttons. Then with a Boom! they dropped into a new dimension on the same old Chikyuu-sei. It looked just like the one they had left!

"Woman, I think you made a mistake. This is where we just came from."

"Looks like it, but according to the sensors it is actually a totally different plane of existence."

"Hmm, I'd better look around. Stay here and make sure our old brat doesn't wander off and get into trouble." With that Vegeta took off out the airlock and was flying away.

Bulma yelled for him to wait but he pretended he couldn't hear her. He swooped off in the direction of what felt like his own ki. In a matter of minutes he had come upon, well, himself. He landed in front of yet another Vegeta. He looked to be the same age as the one they had just left, with hair cut short, but no mustache. Vegeta couldn't tell if he had a tail or not. He wasn't wearing any motorcycle leathers, either. He was wearing a cheap suit and a tacky tie.

"Did we meet before? Or haven't we met yet?", demanded Vegeta of himself.

This new version of Vegeta didn't look shocked, just wary. "Who are you? You look just like me. Are you a sibling or something?", was all he asked in a tired tone.

"'Or something' is correct. I am you from another time or another dimension."

"Really, well that's great.", was the new Vegeta's answer in a tone that said he couldn't care less.

"Right. Now where is that Baka, Kakarotto? Is the rest of his family here? Or did you get lucky?"

"You mean Goku? He has a wife and kids and one of his brothers. Is that what you mean?"

"Sure, so he's married to Chichi and has that Nancy boy son, Gohan, here, too? You said 'kids'? He's got more than one here, eh? Well, that was like the dimension I just came from. Have the killer androids shown up or is it before they show up? Have you ascended to Super Saiya-jin yet? Did you just return from planet Namek?", Prince Vegeta asked Cheap Suit Vegeta.

"I just returned from Namek, but Goku isn't married to Chi--! Er, yeah sure that's right! Goku married Chichi and the Nancy boys are their sons! So you're a Super Saiya-jin? Well, I'm working on it still.", all of a sudden the other Vegeta perked up considerably with new interest in his time/dimension traveling counterpart. He set his briefcase down and came closer to Prince Vegeta. "But what's this about killer androids?"

"Well, obviously I must have come before they show up. Are you shacking up with, er, I mean married to Bulma yet? Has she already had our son Trunks?"

"Um, yeah, I'm really having a great time with Bulma, but there isn't any kid yet. So you mentioned killer androids?", said the suddenly very alert 'Vegeta'.

"Ah, yes, the Baka tangled with the Red Ribbon Army when he was a kid and pissed off this old fart called Dr. Gero. Well, the Baka showed this guy Gero and a Commander Violet mercy instead of killing them all off and they come back years later with these two dollies called Number 17 and Number 18, a prize winning pair of pains in the buttocks! Well, they kill off the Z-senshi and, and, ah, cause me a lot of trouble!", Vegeta didn't feel like telling 'him' that the 'trouble' was his original Bulma dumped him for Tinman. "Goku had died of heart disease by this time so I was out of allies. Bulma made a time machine and I, uh, we started traveling around looking for a new world to settle in." Vegeta decided that telling him the tale of two Bulma's was a little embarrassing since it would lead to the revelation that one Bulma preferred the company of a mannequin/vibrator toy to him.

"So Bulma and 'I' are happily married.", the other Vegeta said to himself while starting to smirk his usual smirk. "Things are looking up!", he said under his breath.

"Are we ever married! I just popped over from our future! Seven kids, a television program, and universal fame! Not to mention heaps of money! And a stylish new wardrobe and mustache!"

"Fame, fortune, mustache? Seven kids? Well, well, well!", came 'his' reply. "Kids! Any sons by chance?"

"Five! Can you believe it? And two daughters! The boys look like me, well, us, more or less.", Vegeta decided not to mention the silky, manageable lavender hair. It was simply too un-Saiyan and silly! "The girl are copies of their mother."

"Riiiiiiight, well, that is excellent! I bet the boys are plenty strong, too."

"So are the girls! I took the liberty of filching a scouter from one, um, certain dimension I visited and a snuck a look at their power ratings. They had suppressed their ki, but all of them are Super Saiya-jin. Well, the baby wasn't, but in a few years he will be for sure."

"Child Super Saiya-jin? All of them? All!? Well, well, well!", said this new Vegeta as he rubbed his palms together and gloated greedily. "That certainly is interesting information!"

"Yeah, tell me about it! What a drag. Tied down with Bulma and a bunch of Super Saiyan chibi! As soon as the time hopper touched down I took off."

"Drag? So your Bulma is no fun? You don't want children who are Super Saiya-jin? What was that you mentioned about fame and fortune?"

"Oh, Bulma is fun all right. All we've done since we've met is fool around. night and day. I guess that's where the seven brats come from. But the kids and the fame are starting to sound like a drag. Do I want to be chained down in some dimension where the world is my oyster? Rule the universe? Be King of all Saiya-jin? I don't have to struggle for anything? I mean, there's more to life than book signings and photo shoots and partying. What about training and fighting? Do I just want to do that as hobby? With no decent opponents?"

"You train and fight as a hobby?", asked the short-haired Vegeta. "You have no opponents stronger than you? Because Goku is dead?"

"Oh, sure, I'm the strongest." Vegeta decided a little exaggeration to make himself look better was in order. "All day I train in this special room Bulma and her father designed just for me. You can raise the gravity and spar against specially programmed robots. It's how I got strong enough to become a Super Saiya-jin.", Vegeta bragged to 'himself'.

"Well, that sounds very, very interesting!", said this timeline's Vegeta. He smirked, "Well, what about these androids you mentioned? Can you help me get rid of them?"

"Would you turn down an opportunity to 'droid butt? Of course!"

And so they were off to where Vegeta remembered Dr. Gero's lab to be. Far off in a remote mountain valley they spotted the underground entrance. They swooped down and with a "Big Bang Attack!" and "Final Flash!" the doors were blown in. There was Dr. Gero and Androids 13, 14, 15, and 19, Dr. Wheelo and some woman in a military uniform that Vegeta #1 assumed was Commander Violet. The group looked totally stunned to see the dynamic hair-duo. Well, they looked stunned for about twelve seconds. After that they looked like rejects from a scrap yard junk heap.

"Well, that's that.", said the current Vegeta brushing dust from his hands.

"Not quite. Those weren't the only androids. There should be two more.", then he thought about what Ancient Trunks told him. "Maybe more."

They cautiously searched around the underground laboratory for more androids and came upon three coffin-like metal boxes.

"These are more androids or cyborgs. There should be a remote control around here somewhere.", Vegeta the wild-haired stated.

"Right. I'll look over here if you search around there."

As they searched around the lab Vegeta, well, our Vegeta, stumbled upon what looked like a regeneration chamber with a green something wriggling around inside the bubbling water.

"This doesn't look like it's going to turn into something nice like a sweet little butterfly.", Vegeta said and powered up. "Better safe than sorry." Fizzzzz,Ka-Boom!

At that moment he heard the other Vegeta shout from across the room. "Found it!"

"Heh, heh, heh!", said his pointyness. "Let's see how this thing works. Hmm, pretty straight forward." He began twiddling the controls and then he pushed the fat red button in the center. Beep! Beep! Beep! The large computer said, "Self-distruct sequence has been initiated." All the while Beep! Beep! Beep! filled the room.

"I think now would be a good time to leave.", said the buzz-cut Vegeta.

"Yes, I suppose so.", and with that they took off out of the secret hide-out and took to the sky.

"Do you suppose we are far enough away?", asked the current version.

"Yeah, we should be fine.", came the pointy-one's reply.

Just then there was a loud explosion and the shock wave knocked them out of the sky. When both Vegetas got up and dusted themselves off they looked toward the mountain. Or rather, they looked to where the mountain used to be. All that was left was a rather huge crater and a dusty mushroom cloud rising up toward the heavens.

"Well, I suppose that's that.", said our pointy prince charming. "I better get back to Bulma, now. Togetherness is okay, but really, I needed some space. It's was great getting away."

"How about you two get some more space?", said the trimmed Vegeta.

"Nani?", said a distracted Vegeta while he dusted off his gloves. They were no longer the gleaming white he preferred. Which is why he didn't see the rock embued with his alter ego's ki coming down on his spiky-haired skull.

"So long, sucker!", said the current version of himself. "If you don't want gobs of money, a hot wife, and kids that don't bring shame on the Saiya-jin race, you can have this lousy life!" With that he took off into the afternoon sky toward where the other Vegeta came from. "I'm taking off in your ship as soon as I can find it! Any world is better than this one!"

His counterpart merely groaned from his resting spot on the ground. When he finally came to he couldn't say if he had been put out for mere minutes or for a longer stretch of time. He shook his head and looked around. The crater was still smoking quite a bit so his mugging must have happened recently. He took off to where he left Bulma, Old Trunks, and the ship. It was still there! He swooped in for a closer look just as he sensed a group of ki approach from behind him.

"Well, Baka, it's about time you got here.", he said without looking behind him.

Just then he spotted the other Vegeta coming out of the ships portal. Well, running out of the ships portal! Followed by a high pitched shriek of "Ecchii!!!".

The familiar ki signatures drew closer.

"Whoa, totally rad! Two Vegetas!"

"Astute as ever, Krillin.", Vegeta replied without turning around yet.

"You look like you did when you first arrived here, Vegeta." At this voice Vegeta turned around.

He looked this world's version of Bulma up and down and gave her a long, low whistle. "Nice. Since when can you fly?"

"Since I decided it was the only way I could keep up with my husband. I made myself a special gravity-defying suit. I'm still working on the helmet, 'though."

"Doesn't work?"

"Nope. It works fine. It looks dorky. Like one of the Power Rangers.", said this Bulma. "And I've yet to solve the problem of 'helmet hair'."

Vegeta #1 took in the rest of the Z-senshi. They were pretty much the way he remembered them. The only difference was that Raditz had joined them. Complete with gaudy orange gi.

"So what do I owe the welcoming committee to? I just rid your timeline of killer androids. You should be thanking me."

At this they looked at each other with alarm and began to chatter nervously to each other.

"Killer androids?", said Goku. "Timeline? Why are there two of you, anyway?"

"I've come from another dimension in the future. I have been traveling with my wife and my son, well, one of my sons. When I arrived here I realized it was in a past before some unpleasant events occur. I decided to help 'myself' out and eliminate the threat. He repaid my by knocking me out, for a mere moment, I assure you, and then tried to steal my ship after apparently trying to seduce my wife."

"The 'unpleasant event' was killer androids? Who do they kill? Why didn't you, Goku, and the Z-senshi destroy them?", asked the current Bulma.

"Well, Woman, Goku will die of a nasty bug he caught on Yardrat.", this caused a sensation of unease amongst his audience. "The rest of the Z-senshi were typical useless cannon fodder. Which left me and I was out numbered."

"So are you going to introduce us to the rest of your family, or what?"

He gestured for them to follow him down to the ship.

When they landed Time-Traveling-Bulma ran out shrieking, "Vegeta, oh, Vegeta, you'll never guess what happened!"

"A sleazy version of me tried to kidnap you and steal the ship?", he asked.

"NANI? How did you know?"

"We already met earlier."

The Z-senshi looked a little taken aback to see Bulma and exchanged glances with one another out of the corners of their eyes. And Bulma and Goku exchanged especially meaningful looks.

"Um, you said you were traveling with your wife? Well, 'Bulma' wouldn't happen to be her, right?", asked the Other Bulma.

"Of, course, Woman, who else would I be married to?", Vegeta asked perplexed as he looked back and forth between the two.

"Well, it's a long story….", said Son Goku.

It's flashback time again, folks.

The night sky flashed with lightning and rumbled with thunder. A familiar snake-like shape began to form itself in the dark clouds.

"Reflect a moment upon your desires………"

Emperor Pilaf and his gang had appeared and Bulma was sure they were going to kill them all. The seven glowing crystalline spheres floated around the giant beast. She had to beat the little blue creep to the dragon. If he ruled the world it wouldn't matter if his 'minions' killed them or not. In fact, hell would be better than a world run by him. She and Oolong were neck and neck for the finish line and they both shouted simultaneously their 'desire'. So did the others, 'heroes' and 'villains' alike, a moment too slow, but whatever they said was lost in a crack of thunder.

"A prince!"

"Panties from a hot girl!"

"Granted"

The dragon soared upwards toward the heavens. The spheres scattered to the four corners of the globe. The night sky became peaceful and still once more, and the stars appeared, bright and sparkling. Everyone present paused what they were doing.

The angry, ugly blue gnome-creature snarled, "What was granted? I'd better be king!"

Everyone looked around at each other. Hmm, good question. In the starry sky some sort of black ovoid appeared. It grew and grew until it was about ten feet long and slightly more across. It was like a black hole. A whirling vortex suspended in midair. And suddenly a far off scream could be heard quickly coming closer and closer. Out of the night sky plummeted a human figure, well a humanoid figure in any case.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII", shrieked the creature.

Whaaaaaaaaaam!!!!!!! It crash landed on Emperor Pilaf and mashed the little jerk flatter than a tortilla. The creature stood up and stood silhouetted in all it's short, pointy-haired glory. The hovering vortex slowly shrank to nothing and disappeared.

Yamucha looked at Puar and said, "I think we need some light."

"Yes, master!", she squeaked in reply and transformed into a flashlight.

Bulma turned to Oolong and said with a glare, "YOU TOO, Porky!" The pig grumbled but complied.

The being turned out to be a short kid wearing nothing but a pair of pink lace panties! Everyone was rendered speechless. Except for the er, person they all starred at.

"What just happened? Where am I? WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS? Do you know who I am!!? I demand you tell me! I am the PRINCE of all Saiyans! I demand you answer me!"

Everybody turned and starred at each other open mouthed in shock and then turned back to the angry mini monarch.

"KUSO", He screeched. "ANSWERS!!!", which was punctuated with a HUGE Ki blast.

They barely had time to dodge it. All at once they all started babbling answers;

"Dragonballs……"

"…your heart's desire!"

"All that stupid pig's fault…."

"……Poor Emperor Pilaf is dead!"

The last one was chorused by Mai and Shuu. Every body turned to look at them standing over what was left of Pilaf. What wasn't smeared down the pointy headed guy's front, that is. It was nasty and squished out of any recognizable shape.

"'Poor'? 'Poor'!?" Bulma demanded. "Are you crazy? How can you even care about him? He treated you like crapola! He blamed you for his mistakes and beat you! Good riddance! And worst of all, he was going to kill me!!", she yelled down at them.

Suddenly she thought of something, and she turned to the outraged stranger. "You killed him?", she said slowly as if realizing something. "You killed him and saved all of our lives! You saved my life! You're a hero! You're a hero and a prince!!!", her voice rose excitedly as she ran up to him babbling, "You're my hero and my prince!"

Then, without a thought for Pilaf goo coating the peeved and pointy potentate, she flung her arms around him and started smothering him with kisses.

Between kisses, "You saved…" smooch "…me!" smooch "You…" smooch "…saved me!" smooch "I think you're really terrific!!!" smooch smoochsmooch"Really, really, really terrific!!!"

The pointy haired teenager's reaction to being kissed by teenage pinup girl was not the usual reaction of a typical teenage boy. With a look of complete revulsion he shoved her off of him.

"Uuugh, oh, gross, ALIEN SLOBBER!!! Stay back, you hideous freak of nature!!! Come near me again, and I'll blast you into the next dimension!", he yelled as he spit the girl taste out of his mouth and then rubbed the back of his hand across it. "That was completely disgusting!"

A short flashback intermission……

Vegeta groaned and said, "I can't believe 'I' turned out to be a complete baka in yet another dimension! So 'I' didn't take the opportunity to be with Bulma here, either? I'm almost afraid to ask, but who did I end up with? And for that matter, who did you end up with? That weakling Yamucha?"

"Yamucha? He was with Mai Muu, but she ran off when she realized he would never give her the Dragonballs to wish Emperor Pilaf back to life."

"So who did you marry?"

"Why Goku, of course."

"AAARGH"

And so ends chapter six, please tune in next time at the same Dragonball time, at the same Dragonball place next chapter. Hey, am I like talking to myself here? How 'bout some reviews damn it!