Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ A Twisted Saiyan Tale ❯ La Grande Finale!!! ( Chapter 11 )

A Twisted Saiya-jin Tale: Chapter the Eleventh

The End?

By: (insert adjective here)

 

 

Disclaimer: I am not Akira Toriyama and do not own any part of Dragonball or it's subsequent spin-offs, products, characters, lunch boxes, action figures, bishonen, etc. But damn if I didn't wish I did!

Warning: Author is a nut job and this fan fic reflects it.

 

Bulma and Vegeta are on their way home (they hope) and have collected a bevy of fellow travelers. Their little road trip through time is beginning to look like Gilligan's Island. You know, the professor (Gohan), the millionaire and his wife (B/V), the skipper and Gilligan (Trunks and Trunks), and Thong could be either the Movie Star or Maryanne, or in fact, both. 'Though, I guess Maryanne is the stockbroker they picked up with Thong. All they need now is an island and a butt load of coconuts.

 

While Bulma tinkered around with the ships controls and the kids played, Vegeta trained by himself. That left Thong and his companion to do what they pleased. So he strolled over to Bulma, with the woman following, and said, "Need any help?"

 

"Are you into engineering?", she asked. She wasn't sure that a Briefs from that Bizarro world would like machines.

 

"Oh, yeah! Do I!", he exclaimed with enthusiasm. "I'm a Briefs. Of course I like engineering and science and stuff! Although my true love is Botany."

 

"Well, that's good. I had wondered since your world was so opposite of mine.", she said relieved. "But there is something I have to tell you. About you being a Briefs."

 

"What? Is it something to do with the Briefs family in your world? They're not dumb or something?"

 

"NO! We are certainly not dumb!" She stressed the 'we' part.

 

He looked stunned to find that she too was a Briefs. "You are a relative of mine? But in my world I'm the last of the Briefs! Is there many more of you? Who are your parents?"

 

"Well, the family consists of me, my parents, and my kids. Those two boys with lavender hair are my sons. My mother and father are Camisole and Dr. Briefs."

 

"NANI? Those are my parents!", he yelled in shock. Then he frowned, "So I don't exist in your world?"

 

"Gomenasai. You don't. I'm an only child.", she answered.

 

"Same with me. My parents would have liked to have more than one but it wasn't in the cards. But, hey, I'm an uncle and a brother. Yosh! And mama and papa are still alive in your world?"

 

"Alive and well. They'll be thrilled to meet you. And soon you will all be meeting the rest of my kids before long."

 

"You have more than the two?", asked the previously silent woman.

 

"Well, there is a number three on the way, but the other four won't be around for a few years."

 

"You know how many kids you're going to have?", asked Thong's companion.

 

"Yes, we traveled to the future in this ship. Not just to other dimensions. Apparently we will have quite a warm marriage!"

"You must to have seven, but what about me? Do I have any kids?", asked Thong.

 

"HAH! Unless the medical professionals make enormous breakthroughs in reproductive science, I doubt it!", this came from Vegeta.

 

"Nani?", the young lady asked.

 

"He'd need a woman to have kids, huh? I doubt that's going to happen!"

 

"HEY! What's that supposed to mean? Women find me very attractive!", retorted the pink wonder with some fury.

 

"Yeah, to bad you don't find them attractive. It takes two to tango, Baka!", was Vegeta's comeback.

 

"What's that supposed to mean. Are you saying you think what I think you're saying?", the flamingo genius yelled.

 

It took Vegeta a moment to unravel what Thong had asked, but then said, "Yeah, I do think I'm saying it!"

 

Before they could say anymore the woman asked, "Why do you think he's gay?"

 

"Because he and the rest of the A-senshi are flaming fruits!", said Bulma in exasperation.

 

"The Alpha Senshi isn't gay!", shouted Thong. Then he added, "Well, that guy Bejita is, but the rest of us aren't. (At this Vegeta snarled "Kuso" under his breath and slapped his hand to head.) What do you think, Marron?"

 

"Hmm, well you're not gay. Neither is Chao or Tien. Krillin couldn't get a woman or a man in any case so he doesn't matter. Goku is into the S & M stuff and that Bejita is a bad, bad boy, but, really, I think Goku goes for women, too. Ususally."

 

"Ick! Ewww yuck!", was all Bulma could respond with. Vegeta was back in the fetal position.

 

Bulma's eyes snapped open and yelled, "HOLY KUSOTTARE! You're Marron? How? You're smart!"

 

"Of course I'm smart. I have a BA in economics, a Masters degree in accounting, and a Doctorate in Finance. I was the Briefs company financial consultant. They, or rather you, only hire the best. I made sure the cash flow kept flowing."

 

"Yeah, that's right. Her motto is 'A penny saved is a penny earned.', interjected Thong. "She never wastes a zeni. Hates spending."

 

"Too weird. I wonder what the Krillin in my world will say."

 

"Why would he say anything?", asked Marron the Magna Cum Laude.

 

"Cause he's your husband.", answered a grinning Bulma.

 

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!", Marron shrilled and toppled backwards in a dead faint.

 

Vegeta snorted, "Can't say I blame her."

 

After they revived Smart Marron they had dinner and put the boys to bed. The next morning Bulma and Thong did some last minute tweaking of the ships navigation computer and Marron lay sprawled on her back on the couch cushions saying over and over again, "Why me, Kami-sama? Why me?". Vegeta merely did what he did best. Train. The kids were busy trying to think up new ways to drive the adults insane.

 

The computer gave off a series of warning beeps. And Thong and Bulma looked up. "The perimeter defense system is detecting five high ki's approaching the ship! I bet it's the Bizarro Senshi.", Bulma announced to her traveling companions.

 

"Ack! Let's get out of here!", yelped her 'brother'. "They've come for revenge on me and Marron!"

 

"No, not yet.", Vegeta smirked. "I want to see how tough the toughest are in this world. Be back in just a moment." He sauntered out the airlock and down the ship's ramps. He was smirking his smirk.

 

Marron went to the aperture to see what was going to happen. She was joined by the kids.

 

Thong turned to Bulma and asked nervously, "Isn't that dangerous?"

 

Bulma didn't even bother looking up from her work. "Nope."

 

Just then they could hear some explosions and see some flashes of light. Along with the occasional scream of agony. Marron turned and said, "No, it wasn't dangerous. At least not for Vegeta."

 

Vegeta sauntered back into the ship. "Well, the answer to my question is 'Not very.'"

 

Bulma said, "Now that you've had your fun, let's be off, okay."

 

The adults all looked at each other and nodded. So they were off. They strapped themselves and the children into the seats. The engines roared and the time/dimension drive whined to life. With a Boom! they were traveling once more. The two technophiles decided that this was the absolutely last jump they would ever need to make. They were almost right.

 

The dimensional travelers clustered around a portal to see where they'd landed. It appeared they were inside a large tent. Tinny music blared and a….a person in top hat and tails screamed at them.

 

"We seem to have landed in the center ring of some sort of show."

 

"We're at the circus! Cool! I wonder where and when this is!"

 

"There's only one way to find out!" With that Vegeta barged out the hatch and jumped down in front of the ring master. The others heard him yelp in shock when he got an up-close look at the fellow. Vegeta yelled "Final Flash!" and the guy was no more.

 

The three trapeze artists who were dangling overhead yipped in consternation and dropped down in front of Vegeta. He peered at them closely. The others heard him yell, "Shimatta!", and saw him slap his hand to his forehead in anguish.

 

The crowded audience, which had been murmuring to themselves in confusion and consternation, began to sound ugly. Several large and dangerous looking on-lookers had risen from their seats and were cautiously approaching Vegeta and the three women.

 

The Briefs and Marron saw the ladies cluster around Vegeta and start pleading with him. About what was impossible to say.

 

Vegeta pointed to the ship. "IN. NOW.", he roared. The young ladies immediately complied.

 

Vegeta vaulted back through the open hatch and slammed it shut behind him. "GET. US. OUT. OF. HERE. NOW."

 

And finally the Briefs got it right.

 

Boom! The ship was back on Namek. Bulma's Namek. Just a moment after Vegeta snatched her for his traveling companion. Just a few feet from where Bulma had been lounging when Vegeta abducted her. They were finally home.

 

"You lot stay here! Do not move from this ship!", Vegeta commanded the three newly acquired traveling companions. He turned to Bulma. "Well, let's settle Freiza's hash, round up the Baka and his companions, and then let's go HOME!", Vegeta yelled the last part. Who could blame him?

 

"What about the Nameks? Isn't this planet going to blow up? You mentioned that when you took me from this place.", this came from Bulma. "We can't leave them here!"

 

"What's with you and this desire to drag along everybody and his brother Bob on this road trip? What do you think I am? A hero or something? I'm supposed to be %&#$-ing evil! SHEESH! And here I am rescuing people all over the $&*#@-ing place! Okay, fine, we save the #%^@*-ing Namek species, too. But only because of the Dragonballs, not 'cause I care about them or something. Miserable little weakling slugs!", he growled. With that he took off into the air and zoomed over to where the action was.

 

The ground beneath their feet began to rumble. Bulma shaded her eyes and squinted in the direction of the Namek villages. "I think that must be the Aisu-jin getting angry!"

 

"Let's just stay on the ship.", was Thong's jittery response.

 

Marron nodded her agreement.

 

"Okay.", Bulma said thoughtfully. "I think we had better set a course for Earth and have the engines running. I hope Vegeta gets his hands on the Namek power spheres and wishes the others to Earth. Otherwise, it's going to be really crowded in here."

 

Just then something traveling very fast zoomed up to them. It was Vegeta returning with Grandpa Gohan and Krillin slung over each shoulder. "Can't talk now. Fight's on. Gotta go!". With that he dumped them on the ground and took off. Bulma walked over to the dynamic duo and said, "Long time, no see."

 

The got shakily to their feet. They looked a little confused and the old man asked, "Wha-what do you mean?"

 

"Well, let me catch you up to speed. You ditched me to run around Namek after the Dragonballs, I was abducted by a Vegeta from another dimension, we traveled endlessly through time and space forever, we had a bunch of kids, I met my long lost brother, Krillin's ex-wife is smart, Vegeta kidnapped some sideshow freaks (the 'freaks' yelped at this insult but said nothing else), and the new Vegeta is going to hand the old Vegeta his ketsu on a platter. Then we'll all live happily ever after on Chikyu-sei. Any questions?"

 

"Wha-wha-WHAT!", was all the ever eloquent Krillin could manage.

 

Gramps blinked a couple of times, "You have kids with Vegeta? I didn't think he was into women."

 

"Not all Vegetas are the same. Not all Gokus are the same. Speaking of Goku, why don't you say 'konnichi wa' to his son?"

 

"I have a great grandchild?", the ancient one asked. "Well, let's see him!"

"Goku has a kid? Mondo!", was all Krillin could come up with. Marron glared at her stupid consort and muttered under her breath, "Baka."

 

While the others exclaimed over the kids and got caught up on Bulma's road trip, the ground became more and more unstable. Thong looked around at the unsettled landscape and said, "We should be leaving soon."

 

But before they could power up the ship Vegeta, accompanied by Bardock, was zooming back with another armful of loot. This time it wasn't people, it was the Namek Dragonballs bundled up in gunny sacks made from some villains' capes! (They each had big sequin 'G' on them.)

 

"In ten minutes summon Porunga and wish everybody on the planet to Chikyu-sei!", with that he took off again. Bulma nodded nervously and had the others help her carry the Dragonballs to the ramp of the ship.

 

"Get inside and strap yourselves in. I'll stay here and summon the dragon."

 

"We'll be waiting to take off in case there are problems.", Thong told her.

 

Minutes ticked by. All the while the ground trembled and shook more and more. Bulma watched the sky for Vegeta. When time was almost expired and she was about to step up and summon Porunga, Vegeta returned once more!

 

"Do it now! Do it now!", he yelled. And so Bulma did it.

 

Clouds darkened and roiled in the sky. An even louder rumbling than the quakes that shook the tiny planet. The Dragonballs glowed to life and rose up into the sky. In answer to Bulma's summoning a HUGE figure began to form in front of the couple and their ship. Porunga had arrived!

 

"^$%*&^", was what came from the Eternal Dragon of Namek-sei. (Pretend that's Namek-go, okay)

 

And Bulma gave her answer, "@$%&^ and %@#&, and last &^%#$*!"

 

The great one said, "#$*&$%!", and soared off into the atmosphere. Before

 

Vegeta could ask what the other two wishes were the planet went hazy and disappeared. He looked around. Actually, it appeared that the planet didn't go hazy and disappear. They did. For they were on planet Earth and surrounded by the newly revived Z-senshi and Nappa and the Baka and his family and all the Nameks. Surprisingly, Zarbon was there with the Ginyu Force. Burter was holding a rather grumpy looking amphibian. And of course the other Vegeta was present.

 

Bulma looked at Bardock and said, "Go find my parents and tell them they're going to have some guests." Since Vegeta told him an edited version of events Bardock complied. It would be bad to piss off the Crown Prince (any version) by disobeying his life mate. He shot off into the sky.

 

The rather prissy Prince stalked up to the ship and it's crew, followed by Nappa, and demanded, "Who are you? How dare you take the Dragonballs from me! Do you know who I am!"

 

"You're the snot-faced brat who gave me lip more than thirty years ago after I saved his tail from Freiza, that's who you are!", said his counterpart.

 

The Prissy Prince gasped, "NO! It can't be!"

 

"It can be!", Bulma sing-songed back nastily.

 

"But, but, you were supposed to be gone for good!", the priggish one whined.

 

"Really? I never got that memo. Well, too bad for you, Nancy Boy.", said his alter ego. "I've got more good news for you. I'm staying here permanently."

 

Everybody but Bulma and family looked unhappy at that. Grandpa Gohan whispered to Goku, "I don't think I like the sound of a world with two Vegetas!"

 

To which Goku nodded his agreement grimly.

 

"NOOOOO!!!", shrilled the Prissy Prince. "It's NOT fair!!! I won't let you stay! I'll destroy you!", and he attacked.

 

"I'd like to see that!", Vegeta yelled and raised his ki and his fists. "We'll see just who destroys whom!"

 

With that the fight was on! The spectators looked nervously up at the battling Saiya-jin. Ki blasts were flying and so was debris. Nappa followed the fighters into the sky unsure which Vegeta he was supposed to aid. The flying punches and kicks made it hard to tell who was who.

 

"Why don't we get on the ship and move to somewhere safer while they settle this?", asked Smart Marron who was no dummy.

 

The others looked at each other and then back at the battling princes. Just then one of the Vegetas threw up an artificial moon and they both went Oozaru. Bulma managed to beat all the others back onto the ship. Yamucha landed in the seat next to her and yelled, "Shot Gun! I call shot gun!"

 

Krillin whined, "No fair! It was my turn!"

 

"Baka.", came from Smart Marron.

 

"No offense, but I think we'll just fly under our own steam. But thanks anyway." This came from the shortest of the three trapeze artists. "We'll follow you home after the fight."

 

Piccolo said, "Ditto.", and strolled off.

 

Only Bulma and Piccolo knew what the other Namek-jin were saying and that was probably something along the lines of, "Yikes!".

 

The twins were crowded around the portal looking out on the fight cheering on the fighters. They didn't seem to care who won, just so long it was a really good bloody fight.

 

Tien and Chao Tzu decided to neck on what was left of the partially destroyed sofa cushions.

 

Goku and his brothers were outside hovering in the air staring at the two Vegetas in confusion.

 

Zarbon and the Ginyuu Force stayed put were they got dropped by Porunga so they could see the battle of Vegeta vs. Vegeta.

 

Nappa still was trying to figure out which Vegeta he should help.

 

Old Gohan was holding Little Gohan up to one of the small, round windows to see too.

 

Thong shoved Yamucha out of his seat and sat in it and began twiddling with the ships control panel. Bulma revved up the ship's engines and flew the ship onto one of the desert mesas. She landed it with a bump and began fiddling with the knobs under a large screen. A picture came on of the battle outside. Vegeta was definitely winning. But which one?

 

All of a sudden one of the Vegetas seemed to catch on fire in the sunset. He threw his head back and roared. He seemed to be gilded head to toe in golden light. He grew brighter and brighter and then blasted his counterpart with a tremendous ki blast. The other Vegeta was embedded into the desert floor he'd impacted so hard. The victorious Vegeta floated in the air and laughed wildly.

 

The Son brothers and Nappa were knocked topsy-turvy with the backwash of the blast. Zarbon and the Ginyuu Force were knocked off their feet with the concussion. Behind him a tiny speck on the horizon sped closer to his location. As it grew bigger, or rather grew closer, it became the silhouette of a man. Then finally, the silhouette became a Saiya-jin. It was Bardock.

 

The tail-less triumphant Vegeta flew down to the other Vegeta's crater. He reached into the hole and dragged out his counterpart by his scruff and tossed him on to flatter ground a few yards away. "Let's have a look at you. I want to see for myself how you turned out."

 

Nappa trailed over to them wringing his hands in despair at his darling's defeat.

 

The other Vegeta stood up, well, wobbled up, and sneered at the other Vegeta with his arms crossed over his chest. Even though he got his tail-stump kicked he didn't look all that impressed. Or respectful. Which didn't go over well with the tail-stump kicker.

 

"Hnh, you only won because you got in a lucky punch!"

 

"I won because I'm the legendary Super Saiya-jin. You would be the Super, too, if you worked harder. Worked more diligently. You are lazy and sloppy and care only for yourself. You never trained, did you? Where is your pride as the heir of Vegeta-sei? Where is your loyalty to your people?"

 

"The people of Vegeta-sei? Who cares about them? They're supposed to serve me! That's all they are! Servants!"

 

"Bah, no sense of duty. I should have snatched the throne from you thirty years ago."

 

"Hah! To bad for you! Here I'm the prince and you're nothing!"

 

"Maybe I haven't made myself clear. I should have snatched the throne from you thirty years ago, and I didn't, but there's no time like the present to fix that."

 

The Prissy Prince shrieked a protest and tried to attack Vegeta once more. Well, bitch slap, really. And there was some scratching and hair pulling too, but Vegeta fended him off and gave him a good, hard sock in the gut. He collapsed onto his face. Vegeta grabbed the other Vegeta by the collar and flew over to Bulma's ship with Nappa, the Son family, and Bardock following him. Bulma and Co. rushed out of the ship to meet him. He tossed 'himself' onto the dirt in front of them.

 

"That is the old 'me'. This is the new 'me'. Get used to it. Bulma is my wife.", Vegeta smirked at Yamucha's yelp of protest. "Those brats are my brats.", he pointed to the twins, who were indeed brats.

 

Bardock's eyebrows rose in surprise. "You are the other Vegeta who visited our dimension those many years ago, that I have already guessed! But you now have children? You are on better terms with your wife? And you will stay to be the heir of Vegeta-sei?"

 

"Correct on all counts."

 

"HEY!!! What's this about Bulma being YOUR wife? How can she be your wife when she's married to me?", Yamucha yelled.

 

"We're not married! When you died you told me, through King Kai, that our marriage was over because of the 'till death do you part' vow. You said I should move on because we probably wouldn't see each other anymore! You said you already had a hot date lined up with Princess Snake!", Bulma yelled at Yamucha before Vegeta could answer him. "AND ANYWAYS!!! You cheated on me a million times! Not always with just women either! And that other Vegeta over there was right! You and Nappa really were giving each other goo-goo eyes!"

 

The other Shrill Vegeta shrieked, "I knew it!", but everyone ignored him to stare wide-eyed at Yamucha who sputtered an ineffectual protest.

 

"Not true! No I didn't!"

 

"YES! YES IT IS!!! You really like other guys, don't you? DON'T YOU!? That's why all the time we've been together you've never been able to finish, isn't it? ISN'T IT!?"

 

The Z-senshi and the Son family looked shocked, the Nameks indifferent (considering how Nameks reproduce this isn't shocking), Prince Vegeta choked on laughter, the circus people looked blank, and Nappa and Priss Vegeta looked interested.

 

As for the others, Zarbon and the Ginyuu force were off by themselves with the grumpy amphibian having some kind of discussion of their own. The twins were busy running around throwing rocks at each other in some form of make believe. Apparently reenacting the battle of the Vegetas. Little Gohan was chasing the twins with a stick while shouting, "Unbreakable Staff!".

 

Yamucha grabbed Bulma by the arm and said, "Hey, we can't discuss that kind of thing in public! I mean, in front of everybody!"

"Hands off.", Vegeta slapped Yamucha off of Bulma. "What's this you mean about 'not finishing'? Is that what I think it means? You know? He can't um, well, you know?"

 

"Not with me he can't. Half the time I can't get his engines revved up, and if I do he ah, stalls before he can reach the finish line. AND just forget about me crossing it!"

 

"Eeep!", is all Yamucha could come up with as he turned bright red with embarrassment.

 

"Do you mean to say that you and this Weakling have never, never ever….?", Vegeta said with a sneer. "Is that why you caved so fast when I kidnapped you?"

 

"I have been very lonely and very frustrated married to Yamucha. Very, very frustrated."

 

"I'll bet you were!", this was actually from Priss Vegeta, not Prince Vegeta. "Hey, Weakling, how come you could boff all those other women and not your wife? I mean, she's ugly, but they couldn't have been that much better than her, they are only women, after all."

 

The scar-face man turned from tomato red to plum purple. "mmmph mumble mumble mumble.", was all he could say.

 

"Speak up!", yelled Bulma's Vegeta. He was curious, too.

 

"I didn't have anymore luck with them either!", he said in a small voice. "I can't perform with women, okay! Are you happy? Now everybody knows!"

The Prissy Vegeta sidled up to him, "How about men? Can you perform for men?"

 

"Urk?", was all Yamucha could squeak out. Everybody else was too busy trying to lift their jaws up from the ground.

 

The well groomed, perfumed potentate slid an arm around Yamucha's waist. "When I saw Nappa giving you the eye I was jealous, but I wasn't jealous of him giving you the eye. I was jealous you were giving him the eye back and not me."

 

"Urk?", again Yamucha was at a loss for words.

 

Bulma's Vegeta choked. Whether it was on laughter or rage was impossible to determine.

 

Nappa crossed his arms over his chest and said, "Humph!"

 

Vegeta's counterpart squeezed Yamucha's shoulder and whispered in his ear, "You know, I really, really am sorry I killed you, but I have this terrible temper. Can you ever forgive me? It'll never happen again, Cutie Pie. I really think you are adorable!"

 

Again, all Yamucha could gurgle out was, "Urk?". Vegeta, not the one groping him, stalked up to the two and smacked their heads together with a Clunk!

 

"Enough, fools! Prince Vegeta, leave this dimension for good or I'll remove you from this dimension for good!"

 

The other Vegeta started to protest, but he was cut off by his counterpart. "You have run amuck long enough. You have neglected your duties for frivolous pursuits. I'm going to be the Heir from now on out! Does anybody have a problem with that?", just to make sure they didn't he glared at them. Nobody had a problem since none of them were Super Saiya-jin. (Yet!)

 

"Er, Your Majesty, I mean, Your New Majesty…", this came from Bardock. "What will we tell your father? He'll be pleased you had a change for the serious and are a Super Saiya-jin, but how do we explain the sudden interest in women? The children? The toned and muscular physique? He won't fall for a substitution."

 

"We'll tell him the truth! If he doesn't like the son who saved the Saiya-jin race from the Aisu-jin he can follow his wimpy brat out the door!"

 

"Where are you sending me? You're sending me to some hell hole, aren't you? I just know it! I'll end up in some nasty place without lattes or manicurists or malls, won't I? It will be some hideous place where no one follows fashion!", wailed the usurped one.

 

"Feh, I have the perfect place for you. It has all the things you like and no nasty responsibility.", the primate prince sneered with an eye roll. "It is very fashionable."

 

At this Thong gave a yip and grinned as he realized where Vegeta was going to dump Vegeta. The A-senshi was going to get the shock of a lifetime. Maybe several lifetimes. The thought of Swishy Goku ending up on the wrong end of a whip by Vegeta was gratifying enough to bathe Thong's brain in endorphins. Ahhh, happy, happy fantasy!

 

Thong spoke up, "Hey, do you know anything about decorating? They'll be real happy to see you if you know something about decorating? They're not interested in decorative gardens and ornamental fountains, but they're really into interior decorating."

 

"Who are 'they'?", asked Priss Vegeta with a sniff.

 

"The Alpha Senshi. They're starting a new company and they kicked me out! They said they didn't have any use for a landscape artists or botanical gardens, but they may be looking for another interior decorator."

 

The Snooty One tried to look disinterested, "Interior decorator? Hmmm, well, I do know something about Feng Shui. Everyone says what I did with the Imperial Palace was simply fabulous."

 

"Then you'll do just fine if His High-And-Mightiness sends you where I think he's gonna send you."

 

"I am.", stated His High-And-Mightiness himself. "You'll catch on like a house afire." He and Bulma hustled the deposed one onto the time ship and were off.

 

"Yeah, and probably burn it to the ground!", this came from Son Goku.

 

After a few moments Vegeta and Bulma returned Priss Vegeta-less.

 

"Well, I guess it's all's well that ends um, well, whatever." Goku turned to his father, brothers, and Grandpa. "So let's head for home. See ya, Bulma." He got ready to take off into the sky, but realized his Grandpa wasn't going to follow on Kintou'un.

 

"Forget something, Baka?", this came from Bulma's Vegeta.

 

"What?", said the other Super Saiya-jin. "You two seem to have handled everything."

 

"YOUR SON, FOOL!!!", roared Prince Vegeta.

 

"Nani?", he stuttered in shock. "Those children are yours, Vegeta!"

 

Bulma stepped up, "Actually, that one with your Grandpa Gohan is yours, Son-kun."

 

"My son? I have a son? Wha-what? How?", he was in shock. "Where did he come from? Who's his mom?"

 

"Son-kun, in another dimension you agreed to marry Chichi and you did. This is their, I mean, your child. He has nobody but you, now. He's named Gohan after your grandfather."

 

"CHICHI!!! Chichi? What the HFIL do you mean I married Chichi?", he shrieked in horror. Even Vegeta felt some pity for him. "NO, NO, NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

 

He collapsed to his knees and began to sob uncontrollably. His brothers and father came over to comfort him. It was terrible to see a grown Saiyan cry. Grandpa Gohan took his confused great grandchild away for a little ride on his flying nimbus so Goku could have a moment or two to compose himself.

 

Bardock patted his son awkwardly on the head, "There, there! It could be worse, I'm sure! He seems like a nice child. Strong, too! I'm sure his parents must have loved each other very deeply. Odd couples sometimes are the happiest couples. I'm sure you and this woman will work things out! It was time you settled down, anyway."

 

Goku just wailed out "Why me!?" and "Why her?!" over and over again.

 

Vegeta sauntered over and whacked him upside the head. This stopped the caterwauling for the moment.

 

"Feh, you're a disgrace to the Saiya-jin race! Pull yourself together, Baka! I know all to well the nightmare of marriage to that harpy is, but you don't have to make a fool of yourself."

 

"I'll never marry her! NEVER!!! I don't care if it is for the boy! It will never happen!"

 

"Don't be to sure of that.", Vegeta said as he balled his hand up into a fist. Thunk! Son Goku was out cold spread eagle on his face in the desert sand.

 

Vegeta grabbed Goku under the arms and dragged him onto the ship. "Bulma, fly this thing to the Harpy's home. We have a delivery we need to make."

 

Bulma ran up the ships ramp to comply and everybody followed because, hey, who would want to miss a show like that? Except Zarbon and the Ginyuu who were sneaking off before Vegeta noticed them and decided to kill them just for the HFIL of it.

 

The ship skimmed over the desert until the land became fields and bushes. Soon those turned into trees and forests. Bulma slowed the ship when they neared Mt. Frying Pan and landed in a small clearing by a small, old castle. A woman and a giant of a man came out. The woman was waving a skillet in a menacing manner and yelling something while the large man tried to calm her. She continued to shake her fist at them and wave her skillet threateningly and scream. The Z-senshi, Nameks, Vegeta family, Nappa and the Son family, et al, vacated the ship.

 

"How dare you park that thing in our yard? You landed in our vegetable garden! Do you know how much work it's going to be to clean that up?…..", the woman could be heard screeching as they got closer. Her tirade continued.

 

A pig in a Chinese Communist Soldier uniform came out of the castle and stood next to the Ox King. Chichi continued to yell.

 

Vegeta grabbed Son Goku by the scruff with one hand and snatched up his brat under his free arm. He marched over to where she stood and dropped them both at her feet.

 

"Harpy, shut it! I'm only here to drop off your idiot mate and your offspring.", he announced unceremoniously.

 

Chichi was so shocked she did shut it. For about a half a second. "My mate? My son? What are you talking about? Why did you bring---".

 

Bulma cut her off with, "Chichi come with me. I'll explain everything." She took the other woman into the castle. "Well, I can explain everything but the three women in the tights and sequins. Vegeta is going to have a LOT of explaining to do about them."

 

Oolong strolled forward. "What's this about my Sweetie being married? It's gonna be a bit crowded with the three of us, Son-kun. I hope you don't hog, pardon the pun, the covers."

 

"She isn't my wife, Oolong. She's all yours!", Goku said with a groan.

 

Vegeta's eyeballs bugged out of their sockets. "The Harpy and the Pig? Bulma said she didn't have much luck with men, but a PIG? A PIG? She must have been %#&%-ing desperate!"

 

"HEY! I resent that!", exclaimed Oolong in a hurt tone. "It's not as if she's some great prize! I mean, ask any of the other guys."

 

The other guys of the Z-senshi looked at each other and nodded and shuffled their feet some.

 

Oolong continued, "All those years ago when I met Goku I was looking for a woman to cook and clean for me. One that wasn't that bad looking. Well, Chichi fits the bill."

 

"What's she getting out of this?", Vegeta had to ask.

 

"When we hooked up she was desperate for a man. Any man. Well, I can be any man!", he puffed his chest out. "I'm not in the mood to share. I've got a pretty good thing going with her. Well, I got her first and I don't think I'm going to let her walk off without a fight."

 

Vegeta looked at the pig curiously, "She didn't actually marry you did she?"

 

The pig looked smug, "Sure. I told you she was desperate."

 

At this point Bulma and Chichi came out of the castle and Chichi, miracle of miracles, seemed pleased. She was smiling ear to ear.

 

Bulma cleared her throat, "Well, Chichi is up to speed. I guess it's time for us to go home, Vegeta."

 

She grabbed a twin under each arm and hustled onto the ship. Thong followed her on board. Vegeta grabbed his counterpart by the scruff. None of the others followed. The ship raised it's ramp and revved it's engines. Boom! They had disappeared for one last jump. Briefs and Briefs monitored screens and adjusted controls. Non-space swirled outside sickeningly.

 

Bang! They were hovering above the penthouse of Swishy Goku. The portal doors slid open with a clang. A pointy headed figure was suddenly dumped out onto the patio. The ship rose up and Bam! they were gone.

 

BANG!!! The ship was back in between dimensions. More knobs were adjusted and systems checked. Boom! They were back in Bulma's home dimension just above the Capsule Corporation dome. She and her new found brother landed the ship in the yard. The trio of trapeze artists dropped out of the sky next to the ship. They were finally home and their adventure was over.

 

Vegeta turned and looked at the ship. It had brought him a long ways. Because of it he would have a better life than he thought possible, but not exactly like he envisioned. Perhaps this wasn't the best of all possible worlds. Was he really meant to be here? And live such an un-adventurous life? Tied down with all those kids!?

 

As he began to sidle back toward the ramp there all of a sudden there was a Kaaa-booooooooooom! and where the ship had stood was a smoldering crater. Bits and pieces of melted metal and plastic rained out of the sky from a mushroom cloud over the crater.

 

On the other side of the crater Bulma grinned at him. She sauntered over to where he was standing. "I decided that we didn't need it anymore. Our dimension hopping days are over with, right?"

 

"Hnn, she must have realized I had cold feet.", Vegeta thought to himself.

 

Then he smirked, "What, Woman? Are you as desperate as Chichi for a man?". Bulma punched him in the shoulder and they went inside to explain to Mama and Dr. Briefs who was coming to dinner.

THE END.

 

Epilogue: Somewhere on the outskirts of Las Vegas. There was a cheesy looking building emblazoned with a sign saying 'Sacred Temple of Elvis'. Inside the "church" stood two people in front of the alter. A preacher dressed in a rhinestone covered jumpsuit with hair worthy of a Saiyan said, "I pronounce you husband and um, ah, whatever!" The large, bald man leaned over and kissed a person dressed in an old raincoat and floppy hat and dark sunglasses. The person seemed to have had a terrible accident at one time and was covered in scars.

 

"Maybe that's the reason for the weird disguise.", thought the Preacher. "To cover the scars?"

 

"Ka-ka-chuuuu, your mustache tickles, Nappa-chan!", said the person in the floppy hat as 'she' kissed the large man.

 

"Sorry, Love Dumpling!"

 

A small blue-gray feline shrilly yelled, "Hurrah, master! Congratulations!" She then showered the happy newlyweds with rice.

 

***

 

In a beauty salon two doors down the street from the Temple of Elvis a large man sat on a couch waiting for his number to be called.

 

The receptionist came over and asked, "Do you know what color you're going to go with?".

 

The man flipped through the pages of the magazine he was holding, "I don't know. I could go Red or Black. What do you think?"

 

She rolled her eyes, "I think you'd look good as a red head, but you need to have it styled too. You should go short."

 

"Really?"

 

"Definitely."

 

***

 

In a cheap hotel room just across the street from the 'Sacred Temple of Elvis'. A youngish man with a large lump on his head groaned and sat up. He looked around his surroundings. He was sprawled on the hotel room bed only in his boxer shorts. Another person sat across him in the darkened room in a chair watching him. She leaned over and pulled down on the tiny chain of the lamp. Click! Light came on and temporarily blinded Goku.

 

"Chichi? Is that you? Where are we?", he said nervously.

 

"Why, silly, we're in Vegas! This is our hotel room!"

 

"We have a hotel room?", he was beginning to feel trapped.

 

"Of course! It's our wedding night!"

 

"Aaaiiiii!!! We're married!?"

 

"Yes, we are! Forever!"

 

"Forever?", he gulped.

 

"Yes! I made sure you wouldn't be able to get out of it like Yamucha did with Bulma! No till death do we part for us!"

 

He groaned and put his hands over his eyes. He slumped over in defeat. Finally, a foe he couldn't defeat. EVER! Chichi came over and patted him on the back.

 

He looked at Chichi and asked, "But what about Oolong? I thought you two were an item? I wouldn't want to poach someone else's girl."

 

"Oh, silly, there's nothing between me and Oolong! That was just a little joke! Trust me! Oolong won't say a thing about the two of us getting hitched."

 

"So you two aren't married? Weare married?", he broke down and began to sniffle again.

 

"There, there! Marriage isn't so bad! You'll like it!", she said over cheerfully. "I knew you'd be hungry after your long day so I made you a little snack."

 

Goku looked up. He sniffed the air. Something did smell delicious. His stomach rumbled. "What did you make?" Maybe being married to Chichi wasn't so bad after all. She was a good cook.

 

"Ham."

 

****

 

"Okay, we get that the young man, Thong, is our long lost son, these two are sort-of your sons, and Vegeta is your husband, Darling. But who are they?" Mama Briefs indicated the three women in pink spandex frills.

 

Bulma glared at Vegeta. "That's exactly what I want to know!"

 

The shortest member of the trio stepped forward. "My friends and I are the only survivors of the destruction of our world."

 

Bulma looked as if she had an epiphany. "You mean Vegeta-sei!"

 

"Yes!", yelled Vegeta.

 

"NO!", exclaimed the tallest of the trio. "Here before you stands the heir to the House of Sarado-sei! The Saiya-jin noh Oujo!"

 

The short one stepped forward and curtseyed. "My mother, Queen Sarado, was murdered by the evil Aisu-jin, Lord Freiza. He destroyed our world and kidnapped me! He forced me and Lady Kimchee and Daikon-san into slavery. For years we've been forced to perform all over the universe in his circus." (sob, sob)

 

"Oh Kami-sama! Vegeta, you've got a long lost sister."

 

"FEH!!!"

 

Finito.