Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ A Twisted Saiyan Tale ❯ Are we there yet? ( Chapter 10 )

A Twisted Saiya-jin Tail/Tale: Chapter 10

 

By: Mary Sue Dreck

 

Disclaimer: Dragonball Z etc., Not mine. Akira Toriyama, Not Me. Duh!

 

Warning: Naughty Language, Warped Humor, Innuendo. If you don't know what innuendo is you are either to young to be reading this fanfic or to illiterate to read.

 

In the last chapter Vegeta and Bulma head for home with their newly acquired 'twins' and a preschool aged Gohan. What will Chichi and Goku think? What about the guy already in Chichi's life? What about the man who was in Bulma's life? What about the man in Vegeta's life? What about Piccolo and Nail? Romance and adventure awaits!

 

The ship was roaring along at a frisky pace through the nether realms when Bulma said, "Well, I really, really think that this is absolutely it!" Boom! The ship landed in yet another dimension. They crowded around a porthole. It looked all right. It could have been anywhere or anywhen.

 

Vegeta turned to the brats and said, "Stay here out of the way! I don't want to have to go chasing you all over the place if this world is dangerous. I don't want to have to go chasing you all over the place if this world isn't dangerous, either. Twins, listen to Gohan and don't cause trouble. Your mother and I will be right back." With that they walked out of the ship and shut the door firmly and locked it.

 

Gohan looked at the younger twins and said, "So, what do you want to do?" The younger boys looked at each other and grinned evilly.

 

Meanwhile, Bulma and Vegeta were flying along surveying the landscape. It was miles and miles of trees. Bulma looked at Vegeta and asked, "Do you sense anything? Do you feel any familiar Ki?"

 

Vegeta was perplexed, "I sense some unusually high Ki and they seem sort of familiar, but I can't recognize them exactly." He frowned.

 

"Are they anyone we know?"

 

"They feel similar, but not identical to the Z-senshi and myself. Odd."

 

Bulma frowned as well, "Very odd."

 

Just then Vegeta stiffened. "They must have sensed us because now they are all headed for us!"

 

"Can you tell if they're hostile? If you're going to fight maybe you should put me down."

 

Before Vegeta could answer the Z-senshi had arrived! "It's them!" His frown deepened, "I think."

 

As the senshi approached them they got a better look at this world's counterparts. They were certainly different. And the Z-senshi of Bulma and Vegeta's world weren't exactly the run of the mill sorts to begin with. This lot made even them appear normal.

 

There was a pencil thin, tall clown-like being wearing too much makeup. A short, fat girl-like person with three eyes and four arms. A young man with a trendy hair-do and fresh, glowing skin. Along with a buff man wearing sunglasses who had pink hair. And last but not least, a hulking guy with black dreads and honkin' huge nose!

 

Leading them was Son Goku. But what a Son-kun! He wasn't a buff, muscular guy with bad hair, an ugly orange gi and pants, and a dopey smile. This one was a buff, muscular guy wearing a trendy and expensive looking workout outfit that most people would never do any actual exercising or sweating in. His hair was styled, waved, colored, clipped and moussed to perfection by a hairdresser who charged for a shampoo what most people made in a month. He reeked of some overpriced cologne. To complete his 'look' he was wearing various huge gold medals and flashy rings that commemorated his defeat of various enemies and victories in battles. He didn't have a smile on his face, either. He was looking at them with a priggish, there-goes-the-neighborhood sneer on his face.

 

"Kuso.", was all Vegeta could say. "Kusottare." Words completely failed him.

 

"A Goku that's like Mr. Satan?!", came from an incredulous Bulma.

 

The Goku sniffed, "Who are you? This is our world! We run things around here."

 

The couple exchanged looks. "Oh, so you're the top dog, huh?", Vegeta said with a smirk. "I'll bet you're real tough!"

 

The Goku looked smug and arrogant. Even more than Vegeta himself. "Of course I am! I'm the strongest warrior on the planet."

 

"Really? On the whole planet? What about off the planet? How strong are you there?"

 

"Off the planet?", the Bizzaro-senshi looked a little nervous about this. Unlike the Z-senshi, they had little experience with aliens. And real battles.

 

"Yeah, how about in space? Fight anyone tough there?"

 

The Goku puffed up his chest and said, "No, but I defeated Ma Mao!"

 

Vegeta snorted, "Piccolo the Demon King? That's all? A Namek?"

 

The others began to look really nervous at this. Even the arrogant Goku looked as if some of the wind had been taken out of his sails.

 

The black-haired guy with the perfect peaches-and-cream complexion said, "Um, could you give us a moment to ah, uh consult, please?" The flip-side Z-senshi took off a ways to consult.

 

Bulma and Vegeta likewise wanted to talk over their opinions of this world's inhabitants.

 

"Perverts.", came from Bulma.

 

"Weird Perverts.", came from Vegeta.

 

"The Z-senshi of my world isn't exactly ordinary, but these guys make them seem normal. Even Chao Tzu."

 

"Chao Tzu wouldn't even qualify as weird in this world." They nodded their agreement. They looked over at the Z-senshi. "You recognize them, right?"

 

"I think so. The tall, muscular clown is Chao Tzu. Which means the short she-male is Tien. The black-haired Cover Girl is Yamucha. The surfer dude is you! The hairy Neanderthal is Krillin. And Swishy Goku is a version of Baka Goku."

 

"Yuck!", shuddered Bulma. "I didn't think an alternate world could be this nasty!"

 

Vegeta was also disturbed. A world where he married Chichi was bad, but he had a horrifying feeling that this one would be even worse! How right he was.

 

The senshi came back after making some kind of decision. The Swishy Goku cleared his throat and pasted on a phony smile that was meant to be reassuring. It wasn't very.

 

"Well, you certainly seem interesting! Why don't you come with us to lunch and we can all talk about fighting and aliens?"

 

Vegeta and Bulma exchanged a look and Vegeta said, "Umm, well, we're sort running late for an appointment. We really must be off."

 

Just then the male bimbo, the mimbo, said, "Oh, do stay awhile. You can't be in that much of a hurry! We so want to hear all about you!"

 

Bulma starred at her male counterpart. "Uh, no, really we must be off!"

 

"We don't want to be any trouble! So we'll just be off!", Vegeta backed her up.

 

"No trouble at all! It will give us a chance to introduce ourselves."

 

The Primped Goku smiled saccharinely, "My name is Son Goku."

 

"Um, Yeah."

 

The fat, three-eyed being grinned, "I'm Tenshinhan."

 

"Sure."

 

"Thong Briefs.", the buff guy said with a wince.

 

"Yikes!" Even Bulma looked pained over the name 'Thong'.

 

"Chao Tzu.", said the studly clown. "Yamucha.", stated the last one.

 

"Together we are the Alpha Senshi!", announced Swishy Goku pompously.

 

They all pulled poses worthy of the Ginyuu Force. Except for Thong. He pulled out a stylus and started messing around with his PDA instead.

 

"Swell.", said Bulma with a sickly smile. "Our names are Bulma and Vegeta. We're just on a little vacation and are only stopping for a short time."

 

"Very short!", Vegeta added. "Just a day trip, really!"

 

"We really must be off!"

 

"Well, if you insist!", said the Swishy Goku. "Don't stay on our account!"

 

Vegeta did a double take, "Why is the Baka trying to get rid of us? What's he hiding?" Then he shook his head. "Do I really want to know that? Probably not."

 

Bulma looked at him and whispered in his ear, "Maybe we should find out what's going on. I mean, how bad could it be?"

 

She would learn that it could be very bad indeed.

 

"So would you like to drop in for a visit at our place?", asked the Cave Krillin.

 

"Uh, okay, sure.", Bulma tried to muster some enthusiasm.

 

"Fine. Follow us.", sniffed Swishy Goku.

 

So Vegeta flew after the weirdoes with Bulma in his arms and a cold feeling in his heart. They traveled across terrain that looked familiar to them but none of the buildings were the same. Instead of a landscaped dotted with little, round capsule houses there were cubes. Some stood by themselves and others were stacked up like a little kid's building blocks. The impression of kiddy building blocks was reinforced by the fact they were all different colors. It was a very preschool-looking world.

 

As they were flying along Vegeta turned to the male Bulma and said, "So, pink hair, huh?"

 

"IT'S NOT PINK!", Thong yelled while his cheeks turned red. "It's strawberry blond."

 

Vegeta eyed him, "It looks pretty pastel to me!"

 

"IT'S PRACTICALLY RED! It is red! My hair is not some girly color!"

 

"Uuuuh, hah!?", was all Bulma could think to add to the conversation.

 

"Right, not girly. Really masculine.", Vegeta said a he tried to repress his laughter.

 

"What? What!? You got a problem with it, huh?", the Mimbo crossed his arms across his chest.

 

Bulma and Vegeta looked at each other sniggered. Bulma managed to say, "Nope! No problem! None at all!"

 

The Pink Wonder gave them the cold shoulder for the rest of the trip.

 

They flew on across the kiddy block landscape until they reached an apartment building and landed in the courtyard of the penthouse. It was a multimillion dollar view that screamed out 'richer than god'. It was Trump Towers expensive and made Bulma's Capsule Corp. compound seem like a dive.

 

"This is your place Son-kun?", Bulma stuttered out as she rubber-necked.

 

"It's just my weekend place."

 

"Hhn.", was all Vegeta said trying not to look impressed.

 

"Nothing fancy. Just a place to hang."

 

"Right. Nothing fancy."

 

Goku turned around and clapped his hands together, "Bejita? Bejita!? Come here at once!"

 

At this Bulma and Vegeta looked at each other and mouthed, "Bejita?". Vegeta had a sinking feeling that he was going to find out there was a world that made 'a fate worse than death' with Chichi seem like heaven in comparison!

 

Just then Bejita the house boy came out. It was 'Vegeta' all over again.

 

Vegeta took one look at Bejita and sucked in his breath in shock.

 

"Eeep.", was all he could squeak out.

 

Goku looked at his house boy and said, "Bejita, fetch some wine for us and our guests." And so Bejita gave a courtesy and tripped off to do just that.

 

"Make yourselves comfy here on the patio while I get some hors d'oeuvres to snack on."

 

Vegeta and Bulma had plastered on their best perma-grins and nodded with clenched teeth. The others went indoors. Vegeta slumped over to the side in the deck chair he had parked his tail in.

 

"Did you see the 'me'?", he groaned.

 

"White suit jacket with dress shorts? Sandals? Bow tie? White belt? Capped teeth? Musk and hair spray?", Bulma asked. "I think I saw more than I wanted to."

 

"Soft, silky manageable hair! Combed and brushed! It was parted even!", Vegeta's voice got higher. "And worst of all! Kakarotto's servant! How can he be a servant? HOW?!", Vegeta was going from stunned and helpless to furious and vengeful. "I WON'T ALLOW HIM TO ENSLAVE 'ME'! I AM THE SAIYAJIN NOH OUJI! I WILL AVENGE THIS DISGRACE!" With that he fired off a ki blast at that roof top mansion. The east wing was reduced to rubble and the 'Alpha Senshi' came galloping out.

 

They looked around in confusion and began to babble. "What happened? What's going on?" They were joined by a young woman in a suit clutching some file folders under her arm.

 

"What is the problem?", she asked. She adjusted her horn-rimmed glasses on her nose and patted her bun. She looked serious and disapproving.

 

"I'LL TELL YOU WHAT'S GOING ON! I'M GOING TO FREE BEJITA FROM YOUR EVIL CLUTCHES AND PUNISH YOU FOR YOUR PRESUMPTION!", howled an irate Saiyan crown prince.

 

"Huh?", was the best response any of the A-senshi could come up with. The plain young woman merely asked, "This is about Bejita?"

 

"What's going on?", said the 'victim' in question. He was still holding a tray with a bottle of wine on it in one hand and glasses with the other. "Who's done what to me?"

 

"THEY HAVE TRIFFLED WITH THE SAIYAJIN NOH OUJI!!! For that they will perish!"

 

"What? Where?", babbled Bejita in confusion. "What has happened to Master Son? Is he hurt? Oh, dear! Oh, dear! My poor darling!"

 

"ACK?", was the only response to this Vegeta could manage.

 

Bulma wasn't all that surprised that Bejita had another man for a "darling" since the 'Vegeta' of her world leaned hard in that particular direction. However, she was a bit stunned that his "darling" was Goku. She never thought of Goku being the 'seme' type. Or any Vegeta being an 'uke', but the proof was right in front of her.

 

"Son-kun is the prince?", she asked curiously.

 

"Certainly he is a prince!", came Bejita's response. "Can't you tell by looking at him? Is he not a magnificent picture of virility?"

 

"Urk?", was all Vegeta could choke out.

 

"So that makes you his servant?", Bulma asked since Vegeta couldn't manage coherent speech.

 

"No!", came Bejita's firm negative. Vegeta started to look a little relieved until Bejita added, "I'm not just a housekeeper. I'm his love slave!". Vegeta looked stunned and pained all over again.

 

"Bejita is my house boy. He does everything for me! Housekeeper, personal secretary, manicurist, personal shopper, everything!", Goku inserted.

 

"That's right, I do everything for Son-kun." Bejita said happily. "You know! Not just the cooking and cleaning. Although I do that as well as my other services. He's really into leather right now."

 

"Eek!", is all that Vegeta could manage. Even Bulma was looking a little startled at this revelation.

 

"The little guy is really into tail stuff!", added Yamucha. "He can do it for hours! And he's so limber."

 

"I'm not just into the tail. Although it is one of his specialties. When I'm really in the zone the team can spend the whole day on all fours.", said Swishy Goku enthusiastically.

 

"ACK!", it was Bulma's turn for speechless shock. "YOU TOO?!"

 

"Sure. We're all into it.", added the NeanderKrillin. "We live, work, and play together!"

 

The young woman looked at them and said, "You do those things. Some of us have more important things to do. Like balance the company's books, design software to track inventories, oversee Mr. Son's stock portfolio. I don't have any time to goof off. Unlike some people."

 

At "on all fours", Vegeta had curled up into the fetal position and began to gibber mindlessly. Bulma was looking stunned and queasy.

 

"So, would you like to join us?", asked Thong. "Are you into it?"

 

"Um, ah, no! We're really not in the mood!", Bulma backed away from them. "You know how it is. Jet lag!"

 

"Oh, too bad!", said her counterpart. "A different point of view would have put a really interesting spin on the project!"

 

"Oh, well, I'm sure you'll do just fine by yourselves."

 

"I'm sure having you collaborate would have really spiced things up!"

 

"Ah, ha! Well….", Bulma was at a loss for words. "Best be off! Bye!", with that she pulled out a capsule and Bang! her red air convertible was parked in front of them. She grabbed Vegeta by the collar and dragged him into the back seat, leaped over into the front seat behind the wheel, and they were off as fast as she could drive! They sped off to their ship without a backward glance.

 

"Oh, wait! You seem to have dropped your capsule case, miss! Wait! Come back!", yelled the Mimbo Thong and he took off after them with it in his hands.

 

The priggish young woman said, "I'd better go after him." And she pulled out a tiny cube, which contained an air Volvo, which she jumped into, and went after them all.

 

The rest of the Alpha Senshi looked after them. Son-kun shrugged and said, "What was that all about?"

 

"I dunno.", answered Tien. "They sure were weird, 'though."

 

"Yeah!", added Yamucha.

 

"Well, never mind them. We have to get back to work.", announced Swishy Goku.

"Next season's line won't design itself."

 

"Do you want to work in the library or should I bring your fabric swatches out here. It's a nice day to work outside."

 

Goku thought about this briefly. "Yes, Bejita, bring it out here. The sun should inspire us to finish the summer collection. We have to have it ready for Milan in just a week!"

 

"Yes, master. I'll bring your lunch as well."

 

"Fabulous! We'll make it a real party.", squealed Chao Tzu. "I was positively inspired by that Vegeta-guy's white boots and gloves!"

 

"Oh my God! You've gone blind. His outfit was so passé! And who did his hair?", shrilled Tien cattily.

 

"It inspired me, all right!", added Yamucha. "It inspired me to make him over!"

 

"That's what I meant! He inspired me with his total fashion clueless-ness."

 

"What do you mean, Master Chao Tzu?", asked Bejita carrying their design supplies under one arm and tray full of creme brulee and watercress sandwiches in the other hand.

 

"There must be simply scads of men out there just like him!", C.T. explained. "We could start a self improvement show on T.V. for tacky, unfashionable people just like him!"

 

"Yes! That would be completely brilliant. And we could have a segment about tailoring and natural fibers and suede! Did you see his face when I mentioned them? He looked as if wearing clothing made without polyester was a totally foreign concept! He nearly passed out!", Bejita exclaimed with excited happiness. "Some people don't know about decent tailoring! Not that I have any objections to spandex, but really, with white boots and gloves? And after labor day?"

 

"Yeah! It is a great idea!", Swishy Goku announced. "I could talk about fashion, Yajirobe could do a segment on etiquette, Yamucha could do a segment on grooming and skin care, Tien can do interior design with Chao Tzu, and I can do the fitness segment! Bejita can introduce all those fat, middle aged lumps to the basics of yoga!"

 

Yamucha frowned, "What about Thong? What's he gonna do?"

 

Goku snorted, "Please! Like I care! It's not as if he has any talent."

 

"So we're cutting him out?", asked Chao Tzu.

 

"Yeah! We don't need a exterior design consultant, anyway!", Tien said nastily. "C.T. and I can handle that. He really was just a glorified landscaper."

 

"A gardener, really.", added Chao. The others nodded their agreement and got started on finishing their previous project so they could get started on their next one right away.

 

Meanwhile, Bulma and Vegeta were speeding on to their ship as fast as they could go with Thong struggling to catch up with them. When they arrived at their ship Bulma leaned over the back of the air car's seat and shook Vegeta roughly. "Wake up! We're here!".

 

Vegeta groaned and sat up. "Tell me it was just a nightmare!"

 

"Sorry. Can't.", Bulma said without much sympathy. "Remember. The Vegeta of my world is um, similar to Bejita. Well, he isn't the 'uke' type, but he is pretty gay."

 

"Gay I can handle. Gay and submissive, NO! Gay and life mates with Nappa or Goku, NO!", Vegeta said with a groan. "And that includes any of the Baka's relatives, Freiza, Zarbon, Yamucha, or any of the Z-freaks."

 

Just then a panting, out of breath Thong landed next to them. "Miss, you forgot this on our patio!" He held up Bulma's capsule case with a flourish.

 

"Oh, thank you. You really shouldn't have bothered.", Bulma said.

 

"No problem!", Thong said with a grin. "So, your capsules are round? And your ship? Is everything from your planet designed to be spherical?"

 

"Yeah, stuff designed by my company is round. Why do you ask?", Bulma said with a spark of curiosity.

 

"Well, my parents' company has designed all there products to be modular! You know, cubes that can stack on top of one another. I find this 'round' concept intriguing."

 

"Really? Your parents have a 'Cubical' Corp?"

 

"They used to. Now its Goku's Cubical Corp.", he said with a frown. "He staged a hostile takeover and my parents keeled over dead with shock and shame. I'm just his employee now."

 

The uptight young lady landed her car next to them. She jumped out and said, "Thong, I think we need to discuss the patents on this years model of cube car. I think Goku intends to put his name on your design. I decided to use this moment as an excuse to get away and warn you before you read it in 'Cube and Driver' magazine."

 

"It's just like that jerk to take credit for somebody else's work!", he announced with his fists on his hips. Just then Thong's cell phone chirped out a merry little tune. He stuck his hand in his pocket and pulled it out. "Hello? This is Thong Briefs. What can I do for you?". He listened while his frown got more pronounced. "What? WHAT? Fired? Aaaah, how dare you? I'll show you!".

 

With that he stabbed a button on his cell phone and it went quiet. Then he began pushing other buttons. "Hah! This cell phone can send and receive e-mail, jerks! And I have a virus with your names on it! We'll see what kind of hot shot business men you are when your company's network goes down, all your product prototypes are erased, and your client list is scrambled. Your stock will be circling the bowl by sundown! I hope you go broke!".

 

"May I borrow your cell, Thong?", the accountant-type woman asked. He handed it over. She tapped in some information and pressed 'send'. "I just placed a sell order for all his blue chip stock, and a buy order for some that are very not blue chip. The jackass should be broker than broke."

 

Thong turned to Bulma and Vegeta and said, "So we're out of our jobs. I find myself with a need to get out of town in a hurry, can you give me a lift?"

 

"Same here.", came from the strange woman.

 

Just as Vegeta was going to say 'forget it', Bulma said, "Sure!". So off they went to their ship. When they got back they discovered the 'twins' had hog tied Gohan with his own tail and were dancing around him like headhunters about to make a sacrifice to their favorite god. Bulma scolded them while Thong helped Gohan off the ground. Vegeta merely enjoyed his brats' evil streak. The woman merely examined the ship with polite interest.

 

And so ends what I hope is the next to last chapter of this fan fiction. See you same place, same time for what we all hope is the happy conclusion. This story has taken on a life of it's own.