Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Blaze in the Dark ❯ The Reminiscing and Accepting ( Chapter 3 )

Disclaimer: I do not own DBZ. It is owned by Funimation, and Akira Toriyama and company. I am not making money off of this in any way.

 

A/N: **** = change in point of view Italics = flashback

Warnings: sexual content, language and violence

 

Chapter 3 - The Reminiscing and Accepting

 

Every punch I threw into the air was to show my hate for you, my envy at your power. I cannot let my concentration waver, I must be better than you. The only way to become stronger was to rid myself of this longing for you. The more I tell myself I hate you, the less I'll want you. This pathetic feeling was not going to take over my life. I was already disgusted with myself, being obsessed over some stupid Saiyan who thought he was a human for most of his life. On Planet Vegeta, this wouldn't have been acceptable. I would have been shunned for having feelings for someone of the same sex. Not to say that there wasn't homosexuality on my planet, it's just since I was the Prince I was expected to marry a female Saiyan and produce an heir to succeed me on the throne. That was the way of things. In some parts of the planet, there were many who took a partner of the same sex for companionship, because the females were saved mostly for the prosperous and powerful Saiyans to pass on their blood. I never thought that I would be in this situation…again.

 

We spent a lot of time together. We trained together, purged planets for Frieza together, and we were always near each other, plotting against that damn lizard. I knew for a long time what a close watch he had on me; a watch nearly too close for comfort. I tried my hardest to push that knowledge aside and keep the friendship I had with the other Saiyan.

 

Things became more and more awkward between us as time went by, but still I never felt more alive than the times when I was side by side taking the lives of innocents in the name of Frieza with the brother of Kakarott. I may have held a different connection with Raditz than Kakarot, but the feelings were still there.

 

I wouldn't ever make a move out of fear of these odd feelings. I was still fairly young, and these feelings like this for another, especially of the same sex, baffled and scared me. The other men on Frieza's ship started to make fun of Raditz and me because we spent a lot of time together, while other men of a different kind tried to make gestures toward me that I had to turn down as kindly as possible. Of course, by kind I mean kicking their sick asses into the ground and telling them I was not homosexual. I had to tell myself that everyday to brainwash myself into believing that to be the truth. I always fought back to the insults and jokes and assumptions in this way, but Raditz never seemed to mind the name-calling. He never let anything bother him really. Most Saiyans were uptight and vicious, always wanting to start a fight whether the opponent wanted to fight back or not, but he only fought when necessary to defend himself or not be chopped up by Frieza If he wanted something bad enough, he would become violent in battle, but most of the time he was incredibly laid back. His peacefulness was very alluring for someone like me, who was so anger-filled. Of course just those shameful rumors aren't the worst of things to occur at that time in my life.

 

I remember training alone, when I heard the door open. Raditz was due back from his latest purge any day. He was the only one who could get away with disturbing me while I was training. I'd always pretend I was mad he interrupted, but I was actually happy to have the company.

 

“And what do you think you're doing coming in here and interrupting me, like you're welcome, hm?” I spoke with a hint of sarcasm but serious enough to convince the likes of the other Saiyan.

 

“Oh, Vegeta…did you think that your precious boyfriend had returned? Hahaha...” A raspy, evil voice and maniacal laugh told me I'd spoken too soon.

 

That bastard lizard had come to torment me for some reason. I pulled myself out quickly of my weak spot for the other Saiyan by fibbing, of course.

 

“I don't know what you're talking about, my lord. I just don't like being interrupted by any of your goons while I'm busy training.” I turned towards him and smirked, knowing that I'd be asking for trouble trying to strike nerves, but I didn't care. It was his fault for the insulting boyfriend remark, anyways.

 

“I know that's not completely true, you stupid monkey. You were waiting for your precious monkey fuck buddy to come home to you. Well, I'll make sure there's nothing worthwhile left for him. You think you can go around do whatever you want. I left you alone before but now that I know you like men I'm going to have fun with you, pathetic monkey `prince.' Hehehe….” Anger tingled through his vocal cords as he spoke those words to me.

 

I feared this may be the end. I had provoked him and those stupid rumors about Raditz and me had made even Frieza want to take advantage of me. When were these people going to get it through their heads that I was not a fucking homo?!

 

“What are you talking about? Raditz and I…we're just friends. Everything you've heard is just a rumor. Why don't you go screw Zarbon, I know how much he likes that. Hmph.” I turned away from him and pretended he wasn't there anymore, carrying on with my training.

 

He had other plans for me. He wrapped his tail around my neck a squeezed so hard I was afraid that my neck would snap. He then proceeded to throw me against the wall of the training chamber. I screamed out in excruciating pain from the impact that felt like it had paralyzed me. He appeared right beside me, almost nose to nose. His hot breath was on my face. The lizard man slipped his long, purple tongue out of his mouth and licked me on the cheek moving around to my neck, back up to my ear and then flicking my lips, while his hands held my arms down forcefully, and his tail squeezed my legs tightly like a boa suffocates its prey. His legs were straddled over my waist. I shook my head back and forth, wriggled my body around in hopes of breaking free.

 

“No! Leave me alone you sick bastard!” My pleas were helpless as they were barely above a whisper from the pain he'd inflicted to my neck. “Raditz…” I became light-headed and passed out.

 

I thought maybe I'd died of shock or fear. I woke in my living quarters, on my bed, without my garments. Oh gods, he'd had his way with me and dumped me here in my bed to rot in pain and disgust. A tear fell from my eye for the first time I remembered. I closed my eyes. I felt a presence, though I never heard anyone come in. Another had been in here before I woke up. A hand caressed my hair, and I couldn't help but jump. I let out a growl, as I had pains all over me from earlier.

 

“V-Vegeta? I'm sorry...I-I didn't know you were awake...I was just...” I heard the voice of Raditz, a comforting thing for me, though he sounded very nervous. “I-I found you passed out in the training facility with Frieza trying to disrobe you, but I knocked him senseless when I saw it was you he was disrobing. He'll be pretty mad when he comes to. I guess I didn't think that far...Eheh.” He put his hand behind his head as he laughed nervously. He turned back to a more serious face. “I'm so glad you're okay, Vegeta…I was so afraid he'd killed you.”

 

I felt a moist droplet land on my cheek. Why was he crying? I winced as his warm arms pulled me to his chest, holding me close. I rested my chin in the crook of his neck. He felt so good to be close to. I couldn't remember ever being this close to anyone.

 

I spoke stubbornly, despite my warm feeling inside. “I'm fine...” I wasn't fine. I was very lucky that he'd showed up, but I couldn't admit that I needed the help he gave me.

 

“Stop lying. I know you better than to fall for your act, Vegeta.” He spoke with seriousness, yet an affectionate tone of voice.

 

He lifted my chin to look into his eyes. He inched closer until his nose touched mine. I felt him move his head to an angle as he placed his lips on mine. He sent a wave of heat through my whole body. I jerked back, unsure of whether or not I wanted this, but I took him down with me to lie on my bed. He shed his armor from his body quickly and then returned to our embrace, covering my lips with more passionate kisses. I clawed his back fiercely, yet let his affectionate kisses be met with my gentle lips. Our hands explored each others bodies, and I burned into my memory every crevice and scar as I felt the other Saiyan so close to me it was too good to be true. Raditz moved under the covers, now sharing them with me. He looked into my eyes deeply. I knew he didn't care what anyone said about us and some part of me had always known because he couldn't lie and deny it that he wanted me. I hadn't been so accepting. I trembled under his touch. I was scared of this feeling, of this closeness, of having attachments.

 

“Vegeta…you don't have to be scared. I won't leave you behind, and I won't let anyone harm you. Not even Frieza can get through me.” He gave my hand a tight squeeze and smiled at me.

 

I couldn't help but smile back. His smile made my heart melt. How could I deny him, deny myself? I twitched with pleasure as I felt his hot kisses on my collarbone and my chest. Raditz proceeded to match my nonexistent attire by removing his shorts. He lifted himself to be over me and nudged my legs apart with his hips. I winced back a bit.

 

“Raditz…I've never…” I could barely finish my sentence between my heavy breaths in and out.

 

“It'll be all right, just follow my lead. I won't hurt you.” His soothing voice reassured me.

 

We woke up in each other's arms that morning, and many more mornings after that. Frieza never tried anything again, though I always thought he may be waiting for the perfect moment to make his move for revenge. Raditz and I were inseparable. He always talked of breaking away from Frieza's slavery, and going away together. One day he left in search of his brother for the hopes that he would join our fight and help us dominate the universe and take it back from Frieza. He never came back. I remember that argument we had the day he left. I wouldn't go with him, as much as he wanted me to. I knew I shouldn't stop him from leaving because Frieza had planned on sending him on a suicide mission if he stayed; either way Frieza was going to make sure he was dead.

 

Kakarott was so alike his brother in many ways, yet so different. I was hurt by the unfortunate demise of Raditz one Earth before my arrival, though I had been expecting for a long time that we'd go our separate ways soon if he hadn't died. I wanted to kill Frieza, and he just wanted to run away. I knew that he would live on as long as I managed to destroy Frieza in his name and the many others on our planet. I hadn't quite made it. Things turned out a lot different than I thought. Here I'd almost forgotten about him in the midst of my lusting after Kakarott. I suddenly was very pained by his death, because despite having prepared for it and swearing I wouldn't let this happen again, I let things get out of control. I don't want this pain again. These fucking emotions that cursed me were starting to get on my nerves. Damn it all!! I blasted the wall with all my force, watching the ball of light bounce around, dodging it as well as I could at 400 Gs of force. Impact. I thought maybe I'd killed myself, but that Bulma woman had made sure I survived. I don't know if I would have been happier in hell. Maybe I would have seen Raditz… I'm afraid I may be going insane…

 

****

 

This wasn't fair. I couldn't bare this much longer. I wanted to make Vegeta see how I felt for him, but I had to hold myself back. Trunks was supposed to be born, and if I interfered this world's fate may drastically change. Not to mention I had my own family to uphold. Chichi and Gohan would fall apart without me. This was torture, being without you. I guess no harm could come of me just visiting my prince. I missed him so and I hoped he missed me. I took off into the air for my destination of Capsule Corp. with haste.

 

I found Vegeta in the gravity chamber residing in the main backyard. He was covered with bandages from what I could see as I peaked in the window. What had he been doing to himself?! It seemed the older Saiyan has training himself to the death to meet my power. I wonder if I should bother him… Just as I was contemplating this I heard the door to the chamber slide open. I jumped nervously, wondering if he'd see me. He wore only those tight black shorts, and gods, did he drive me crazy with that compact, muscular body of his. His gaze shifted towards me, making me squeak nervously. He'd obviously sensed my ki. That was the only acknowledgement I received as he proceeded to turn away and walk to the C.C. building. I gingerly followed him, though I knew by the way he addressed, or didn't address, me that I really shouldn't.

 

The Saiyan Prince had gone to the kitchen, not to my surprise at all. He took a jug of orange juice out of the fridge and chugged the whole thing right out of the bottle and threw it aside. He then proceeded to raid the leftovers in the fridge and sat at the table to dine by himself. Well, sort of. I sat down across from him and tried smiling. He glanced up for a split second.

 

“Hey, Vegeta. How's the training going?” There. I finally managed to say something to him in hopes of breaking the awkward silence. I received a glare.

 

“Can't I eat without interruptions?” He spoke in a nagging tone of voice, more to himself than to me.

 

I laughed nervously and put my hand behind my head. For some reason my laughing gesture, which I was known for doing regularly by my friends, got his attention immediately. We stared at each other for a long time, I confused and he intrigued.

 

“Did I…do something interesting?” I finally managed to say something after a few minutes. I noticed him go back to his regular, cold stare.

 

“No! I was just wondering how you can think that I would want to talk to you at all. Leave me alone, do us both a favor.” He rose from his chair at the table and walked back towards the gravity chamber.

 

“Wait, how is that a favor? I want to be your friend, Vegeta!” I knew that was a lie. I wanted more than friendship from him, but no matter what he wasn't willing to give me even a small conversation. I tried to open the door to the gravity chamber, but it was tightly sealed. I banged my fists on the door and fell to my knees. He wanted nothing to do with me at all. Feeling like this hurt so bad. All these emotions running through my heart for you felt so wrong and betraying, yet at the same time right and wanted. Either this really was a one sided thing, or you were being a cold, rock-hard monster. I didn't understand you at all.

 

The next time I tried to visit you, I couldn't even get a word out of you. It was almost as if I was invisible. The pain this caused me almost made me break down right there.

 

****

 

You don't need him. Just let him walk away. Be as mean as possible. Don't say anything to him, and if you must then make it minimal. I had to keep telling myself these things in my head over and over so I wouldn't get carried away. Even then, I couldn't stand it. He almost made me cry because he reminded me of so many feelings I didn't want to have anymore. These feelings brought back memories that I didn't want, and pain that I never wanted to feel. If I spared us both from future heart break, things would be better in the end.

 

After a long day training, I turned in to my sleeping quarters. Just as I was getting comfortable I heard a knock at the door. I was tired of interruptions. If it was Kakarott, I was going to decapitate him.

 

“Go away; I want to be left alone. And if you're Kakarott, I'll kill you.” Sure, I didn't need to add that part, but I couldn't help it. I can't believe he'd show his face after stealing my revenge from me.

 

“Vegeta? It's Bulma. Can I come in?” She sounded a bit uneasy. Why not humor the woman and let her come in? It may be fun to make her mad. She had already been nagging me constantly since I had been training when she thought I should be resting.

 

“Fine. Come in.” I heard the door open and Bulma appeared. I was lying down, with my head turned towards her. I rose to a sitting position. I noticed she had been crying. I motioned to the spot beside me. “Tell Vegeta about it. Did your Earth man hurt your feelings?” I don't know why, but I felt like if I didn't offer her comfort, no one else would.

 

“Oh, Vegeta. I'm all alone. Yamcha and I just don't get along anymore. He's moved out and everything.” She threw her arms around me and starting sobbing. Gods, had I asked for it. Honestly, was the embracing necessary?

 

“You don't need anyone. Be strong, like a Saiyan. I have no weaknesses, see? You don't need some pathetic jerk like him.”

 

“Well, what do I do without a boyfriend? Don't you ever long for companionship, Vegeta? I hear you cry out at night in your sleep. You must know how I feel.” Her words were almost too much for me. Somehow she could see through me. Damn it.

 

“I…you…eh…” I was speechless. She leaned closer and planted a soft kiss on my lips. I wanted my sorrows and worries to drift away, along with these damn feelings for Kakarott. The door of opportunity had just been opened. I kissed back.

 

****

 

I don't know if you'll ever know how I cried myself silently to sleep that night, or many of the following nights. He was the smart one, telling me we were better to stay apart. Why would he say that? It was almost as if he was paranoid that something bad would come of us being friends rather than foes. I spent my days helping Gohan to train, drowning my sadness away with the only thing that I could; a good spar with Gohan or Piccolo.

 

I would stop by to see you time to time. You never noticed me more than the `Hmph' that was characteristic to you. What was life without your acknowledgement? Finally, after I got over your cold attitude, I decided I would tell you how I felt. Even if you didn't feel the same, I had to let you know. I went to your usual spot and I let myself into your gravity chamber. There I saw you, standing tall and proud. You must have been off in a daydream; you were barely moving at all.

 

“Vegeta? I want you to know something…Will you please hear me out?” I stood and waited for a reply, though I doubted I would get one.

 

“Fine. Since you don't seem to want to leave me alone, come out with it, before I change my mind.” He surprisingly had agreed to let me talk with him.

 

Maybe things were looking up after all. I walked over to him and put my hand on his shoulder to turn him to face me. I prepared to say the words I knew would either kill me or reignite me. Nothing would come out. My lips were moving, but I made no sound. So, I did the only other thing I could. I placed my hands on your cheeks, and kissed your lips. You stepped back from me, but you were up against the wall of the gravity chamber. I touched my hands to your arms kissed you again, but I received more jerking.

 

“No! Not again, ever. I can't take it! Stay away from me!” You pushed me away forcefully and sped out the door.

 

I followed you as you took off into the air. My eyes were burning. I wouldn't let you get away. I hadn't taken the best course of action, which was for sure. You landed on a plateau in a forest area far from any cities. I knew I had to take my chances, here and now.

 

“What do I have to do to get you to notice me, Vegeta?!” My voice screamed louder than I ever thought it could at the back of the Saiyan prince, while I tried to hold back the tears that were welling up in my eyes. “Please…” I said after a moment's pause, my voice barely above a whisper. I collapsed to my knees, as if begging the Saiyan prince to tell me what I had done, or hadn't done, even though he wasn't looking to see me in such a pitiful state.

 

****

 

I felt the presence of Kakarott behind me, but I refused to acknowledge him. I had to keep my mind clear. I knew that if I let this weakness take hold of me any more than it had, that it would be my downfall. Every time he was punched, kicked, in pain, upset, in danger…it would kill me to see any of it if I didn't rid myself of this obnoxious pain in my body. Not only that, but that low-class Saiyan had surpassed me again and again, he'd become a super Saiyan, and he'd made Frieza look like a pushover. All in a days work for him! I felt useless.

 

“So, now it's all about me? The company of your pathetic Earth friends isn't enough, being more powerful than me, the Prince of Saiyans, isn't ENOUGH?! Now you want me to bow before you? I'll never be good enough, I'll never be strong enough... I'm useless. Why would you want my attention…when I'm not,” I paused, suddenly realizing how much of an effect he'd had on me. I couldn't believe any of what I'd just said. My cold sarcasm was oddly truthful in a way. I almost couldn't utter the last word as everything I had just said was sinking into my being, “worthy…”

 

My gaze turned toward Kakarott as I said my last word. I saw the same hurt in his eyes that I'd been feeling in my heart all this time. He felt for me the same as I did for him. My heart skipped a beat. He looked at me with shock, as if he was in disbelief of all things I'd just said. Then hurt shot through his eyes. I couldn't bare to see it, I turned my head away.

 

“How can you say that, Vegeta? Can't you see that everything I've done has been for you? I don't care if I'm in everyone's spotlight…you're the one who I see at front and center. Everything I do only pushes you further from me. I want to be close to you, to protect you…for us to protect each other. Don't ignore me anymore; tell me if I'm getting my hopes up in wanting any thought of us to be real?”

 

I couldn't take this. I was being torn apart. Desire, lust, hate, love, anger, all at once, and it was overwhelming. I looked toward him. He was on his knees, hope glimmering in his eyes. He was begging me for this hopeful plea to be reality, this same hope that I secretly had too for so long. I'd lost all my sense of logic at that moment. I wanted to be close to him so badly that I couldn't fight it anymore. I think I have an answer to your question, I thought to myself.

 

“No.” That was all I said to him.

 

I kneeled down right in front of the younger Saiyan and placed my arms on his shoulders. I couldn't believe I was actually this close to him; that I hadn't woken to find this was all a mere dream yet. It was actually real. He looked into my eyes with shock, and then an emotion I'd never seen in anyone's eyes. This indescribable wonderful feeling I'd always thought to be a ruse. I pressed my lips against his, and let my heart and soul pour into a passionate, fiery kiss. Chills were sent down my spine as his lips responded with passion to match my own. I was overwhelmed with pleasure. This sensation was irresistible. It was as if I'd been holding my breath underwater for my whole life, never having taken air into my lungs. It was almost as if I had never been alive all this time and his kiss had revived me. Yes, this strange emotion that we shared was my oxygen. Kakarott licked my lips lightly, in turn sending more electrifying shivers down my spine and making my eyes roll back into my head in ecstasy. I let him part my lips with his tongue and explore my mouth. My tongue met the younger Saiyan's, moving gently around his own, intensifying the fiery passion shared in our kiss. I felt him jump at the contact. It was invigorating. I had never felt alive in such a way as this.

 

As if we'd both had the same thought, he leaned himself back, I leaned myself forward and we collapsed on the ground. He looked up at me and smiled. I returned the gesture while I moved my hands along his arms and laced my fingers through his. I gave him another peck on the lips.

 

“You realize now what this means? I have to kill you.” I smiled wide and evilly. His face sank for a moment, until I gave him a deep kiss on the lips. He smiled and laughed.

 

“You big liar.”