Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Blaze in the Dark ❯ The Searching ( Chapter 2 )

Disclaimer: I do not own DBZ. It is owned by Akira Toriyama, Toei Animation, and Funimation. I am not making money off of this in any way; it is for fantasy purposes only.

 

A/N: Again, the *** means a change in point of view, which hopefully helps avoid confusion in the switching back and forth.

 

Chapter 2 - The Searching

 

 

He'd penetrated my very soul, and left me begging for more. How could this have happened to me? Thinking about the low-class Saiyan made me cringe with anger and desire all at once. I was beginning to stop fighting these urges, thoughts and feelings within me. I became quite distracted after I got to Namek; Dragonballs to snatch from Frieza and a wish to make. These objectives took first place in my mind. I didn't want to be walked on anymore. So many times, that bastard had insulted my heritage, the only thing I had left. He toyed with my mind as well. I have been holding this back for so long. I think I've started to realize a big part of who I am is his doing, and I hate him for it. He'd given me fear, the thing I hated most. My father was never afraid it seemed. As hard as it was to admit, I was afraid of him. Perhaps this has only made me hate him more. Despite my efforts on focusing on my goal, my thoughts still keep on drifting back to Kakarott. As much as I try not to think about him, I really do wonder where Kakarott is right now.

 

****

 

The quicker I got to Namek, the better. Gohan and Krillin needed me. I only hoped they hadn't gotten into any misfortune when I arrived. I had been training so hard to occupy myself I had almost forgotten about everything in the universe, including a certain prince who had taken over my thoughts as of late. There he was again plaguing my mind. I wish I could just forget about him because I knew that there was no way that I would be able to see him again. Our paths had crossed but once and now we were doomed to walk our separate ways forever. I had no knowledge of him or his whereabouts. I knew he hated me passionately for the embarrassment he had suffered on earth. I felt it deep inside me from the very moment that he sent that penetrating glare through my heart like a stake as he left for his destination in his space pod. Now I may never see him again. I wondered if he'd met his demise by the hands of this Frieza, and then I remembered something. Vegeta came to the earth for something in particular that happened to be on Namek as well. The dragonballs now served to take more than one wish for me. I was felt with new joy, but it was only momentary. I remembered what had been bothering me and I suddenly started to ache all over. Why was I feeling like this? I had spent all my time just thinking about him. It was so unlike me, so selfish of me. I felt a sharp pain in my chest. I thought back through the years of my childhood. Since I had amnesia, I really had no knowledge of who I was, what my home planet was like. My reality was shattered when Raditz came to Earth with the shocking statement that I was not of this planet. My whole life had been a lie, essentially. This made me realize why I was so different, why I always felt so awkward around everyone, though I never told anyone. Even my faithful wife Chichi was there based on a decision I made because I thought it was the right thing to do. I wanted to try to be as normal as I could, so I decided that marrying Chichi would probably be the best thing for me. I started to realize that I wasn't happy with her. She was more like a friend and companion than a lover and mate. I had always been so confused about where I fit into the big picture, but now I realize that it was because I don't fit in anywhere on Earth. There is someone who has the answers, the key to open the door my past, present and future. That was Vegeta. He and I were the only ones left. It made perfect sense that we should stick together, confide in each other, be each other's everything. Was I stupid to think this, or was he feeling just as lost as I?

 

****

 

So, this is what everything had come to. I had formed an alliance with baldy and Kakarott's offspring, all for nothing. We were all on our last leg, practically helpless. Then he came to save the day. That low class Earth Saiyan. I was overjoyed and jealous all at the same time. How could he be so strong? I was fixated on him. He was almost addictive to look at. That was uncalled for, wasn't it? Maybe not. I didn't really know anything about myself anymore. The only thing I did know is that I was jealous…very jealous of this power. In all of my distracting thoughts, I had been spoken to. I was being asked for help with something. Pathetic. WHO would ask me for help anyways? I nodded acknowledging the plan the other three wanted to set in motion, but I didn't intend to follow anyone's plan besides my own. I was here for ME. I was going to wish for immortality and defeat Frieza here and now. I wanted to make him pay for ruining my life. These fools weren't going to be an encumbrance to my plan. We stood there, ready for battle and a smile crept up on my face. Then, I left him there, the pathetic fool. Trust is for the weak.

 

Hating and loving that fact that you were now here on this planet at the same time was an odd feeling, and to my liking and dismay we crossed paths shortly after I left you. It's funny, because you didn't even act like you cared about my betraying you, if you'd call it that. There were no loyalties to betray, Kakarot. I am on no one's side, and you should have realized that by now. Of course, what little conscience I had left required me to help you and your pathetic friends. Perhaps it is because I know if I don't I will not stand much of a chance. Whatever it was, I could slowly feel something inside me changing. So, here I was, helping you into the rejuvenation tank so you could heal from your hard battle with Captain Ginyu, who was now a frog. I carried your body to the tank, feeling odd having you this close to me. I wondered if you felt this way too. I used the utmost care placing you into the chamber, and started the healing process. I placed a hand on the tank after the two imbeciles left, wishing I could have just hopped into that tank with you and had my way with you right there. I'm going crazy, I really am aren't I? I should hate you for making a fool out of me, being strong than me. But a part of me doesn't. I sat beside the tank and drifted into a calm slumber, and I dreamed of you.

 

 

I remember what it felt like as life left my body. I was taken from the world by the hands of Frieza, just like my father. I'm only sorry that I didn't say everything I wished I could have said to you… This is what became of me, only a memory. But then, by some miracle I was alive, but you weren't here. I was abandoned on your precious Earth only to find no one knew whether or not you lived. I tried to find joy in the fact that I was now unstoppable, but the empty space in my heart was still there. I hated you for this longing you put in me. I wanted to know more about you, I wanted to be something to you. `This is not right.' I keep telling myself that but to no avail. Now I am alone. Your pathetic friends have not lost hope for you, with talk of wishing you back. Your brat even goes as far as to say you're still alive! It seems if they have anything to do with the dragonballs, your life will soon be restored. I will reluctantly wait here for your return. I must show you once and for all that I am more powerful than you. We didn't finish what we started here on Earth.

 

Your loud blue-haired friend kindly offered me a place to stay while I waited for your return. I am very surprised she isn't afraid of me, seeing that all of your friends seem to think of me as some sort of killer. They aren't very wrong. I have killed many, but they can't judge me just on that. I may be a monster, but I am not as bad as Frieza was. This brings me to the present.

 

I am stuck on your mud ball you call home. I can't stop thinking about you, and if I really believe whether you're alive or dead. I don't know how long I can keep these odd feelings inside me without cracking. As I look out at the sunset from the balcony of this extensive place the blue-haired woman calls “Capsule Corp.” I can't help but think of you. I see you in everything. The glorious orange color of your sun reminds me of that ridiculous outfit that you wear. I let a sigh come from my lips as I lean against the rail of the balcony.

 

“Vegeta?” A calm voice spoke behind me. It was that woman.

I didn't turn around for my response. “What is it?” I spoke in a demanding, impatient tone in hopes that she might get the hint and bug off.

 

“What will you do… when Goku comes back? I know you probably hate him for what he has done to you, I mean defeating Frieza and all that. Do you intend to kill him?” She spoke in a very concerned voice, obviously she didn't want harm to come to her friend.

 

“What's it to you, anyways? What if I blast him to smithereens and laugh the whole time? I…I just want to prove to him that I am who say I am. I should be the most powerful being in the universe. I…” I stopped because I was talking too much. All this solitude was starting to get to me I suppose.

 

“I don't think you're as cold as you try to be. I hope you find the good in you to not harm Goku, and perhaps be friends, if you decide to stay…” I took in her words closely. It was odd that she seemed to partially understand me. I wasn't going to kill Kakarott at all. In fact, these odd thoughts of him that plagued be were a bit more important for me to figure out than the bone I had to pick with him. I turned around and looked at the woman. She would have been a steal of a mate, had she been a Saiyan on Planet Vegeta. Of course, we weren't there. I started to think odd thoughts as I was overcome by loneliness and sadness these feelings for you had caused me.

 

“What will I do if he is not able to come back? Where could he be if he is still alive? Why isn't he here?!” I couldn't stop the words from coming out, I needed someone to tell these things to.

 

“I feel the same way, and I'm sure all of my friends do. I know you might have a few different reasons, but I think everything will work out, Vegeta.” The words she spoke did little to calm me.

 

I put a hand to my forehead, trying to ease the pains these questions and thoughts going through my head were causing me. This is ridiculous.

 

“What's the point? If he is alive I am no match for him. I must become stronger…” I spoke these words more to myself than the woman. “Get out of my way,” I said as I pushed past her and went to seek a place to train.

 

Training is how I spent most of the time waiting for the dragonballs to be ready to make the wish for Kakarott to be restored. When the time finally came, I was so nervous. What would I even do if I came face to face with him? Then the shocking news hit everyone. The dragon said he was alive! Furthermore, Kakarott told him that he didn't want to be brought back to Earth by the dragons powers! That was the last straw. If he wasn't coming to Earth, then I was going to where he was, no matter what. I spied a ship that could be useful to me, and I decided I'd give it a “test run”. Thus my search began.

 

For the remainder of the year I looked across many systems, killing all in my path for any knowledge of Kakarott and his whereabouts. My name was spread across the galaxies and fear with it. It felt good, really. It was too much like my days with Frieza in some aspects. The main difference now was I was doing all the talking. And I had a fuel to my search as well: Kakarott. When I finally returned to Earth, low on fuel for the ship and hope in my heart, I found someone who I didn't expect. Frieza was alive! But, no sooner than I realized he was alive did I realize he was dead, thanks to some bastard who called himself a Super Saiyan! Now my gears were really turning. I was far outmatched by this mysterious boy and Kakarott. With this boy, came some odd information about androids, as well as Kakarott's return. I couldn't believe it. Finally he was back, and the joy that felt my heart was almost too much to take. I felt hate boiling inside me too. After all, how could he leave for so long like that and not feel bad?

 

****

 

I couldn't believe everyone was here! Even Vegeta? I really hadn't expected to see him still on Earth. I wondered if his intent was to get even with me after our battle on Earth. Well, his battle with me was going to have to wait, unfortunately. Now we had to worry about these horrible androids, and preparing for them over the next three years. But, a note of other resolved business; I might be able to have a talk with Vegeta. I had so many questions. I had a lot of time to think while I was away on Yardrat, and I knew that I must do something about the way I felt for him. I was determined to be strong enough to defeat the androids, and to finally see if Vegeta felt the way I did. I only hoped he would stay and help fight the androids. I thought perhaps he might, because like me he yearned for challenges, and the rush he got from battle made him want more and more. I was pretty sure he would stay close by.

 

****

 

I had been thinking a lot about what I should do about these feelings for Kakarott. I knew that if I let myself become too tangled with emotions like this I would never be the same. There was only one thing to do. I must ignore the feelings I have for him. If he tries to approach me, I must ignore him, treat him horribly. Anything I could do to get him to hate me, I would do. It was the only thing I could thing of to get my feelings to go away. I hope it works.