Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Goku's Cooking Tips ❯ Episode Three ( Chapter 3 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: ultravegeta 
Anime/Manga: Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 04.23.2006 | Pages: 2 | Words: 1.4K | Visits: 262 | Status: Work In Progress
Anime/Manga: Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 04.23.2006 | Pages: 2 | Words: 1.4K | Visits: 262 | Status: Work In Progress
(cut to Goku wearing a ridiculously large hat and a ballerina uniform)
Goku - Greetings! And welcome to the third episode of 'Goku's Cooking Tips Hour'! Now, lately I have been receiving a lot of e-mails from fans regarding the variety the food choices being used on this show! They complain that all I ever use to cook with is baloney! Well today, just for this small 98 of people, I will be making something with absolutely no relation to baloney! So then, let's get started shall we? (walks over to a counter) Well now, the recipe I will be sharing with you today is for a delicious 'Mystery-Meat Lasagna'! So, first of all we take five slices of...(his ridiculously large hat falls off into the deep-frier beside him) NO, MY RIDICULOUSLY LARGE HAT! (starts sobbing uncontrollably) (collapses to the floor) OH THE HUMANITY! The humanity...(curls up into a fetal position)
Director - ...
(message: We're sorry, but the 'Goku's Cooking Tips Hour' show is currently experiencing technical difficulties)
(sounds of Goku screaming and wailing about his stupidly large hat in the background)
Goku - DAMN THIS DEEP-FRIER TO HELL-
(suddenly cuts back to Goku)
Goku - (destroying the deep-frier) YOU MURDERER(suddenly notices that he's back on TV) Oh! Hello again folks. Well, it seems we've had a bit of a tragedy on the show today...a beloved hat of mine, which I purchased from a fine costume store for 1.99, seems to have fallen into this here deep-frier...But, all is not lost! (reaches into the deep-frier and pulls out his deep-fried hat) Ya see! As good as new! (puts it on his head) (smiles stupidly) Now then, lets get back to todays recipe of
(suddenly a large bird flies into the studio and bites the hat right off of Goku's head)
Goku - Wha...THAT F(beep)ING BIRD HAS MY HAT!
(the large bird flies over to its nest and feeds the deep-fried party hat to its young)
Goku - OH GOD, MY POOR HAT! DEEP FRIED AND THEN TORN TO SHREDS BY RAVENOUS YOUNG BIRDS! (shaking his hand at the sky) DAMN YOU MOTHER NATURE!
Audience - (sweatdrop) ...
Goku - (still sobbing) I truly apologize for all this nonsense folks so lets just get back to the recipe...as long as no more RAVENOUS ANIMALS COME AND EAT MY CLOTHING ATTIRE!
Director - (having a migraine)
Goku - Okay, like I was saying earlier...before my hat fell into the deep frier and demented birds...
Director - GOKU WE GET THE POINT!
Goku - Oh, okily dokily! (smiles idiotically) Anyways, todays recipe is my famed and much loved 'Mystery Meat Lasagna'! (pulls a strange looking lasagna out) Ooooooh, mysterious! (makes weird noises with his mouth) Anyways, all you need to make this wonderful lasagna is: four slices of 'mystery'
meat; or as I call it: Yenolab and a few cups of noodles with a bit of tomato sauce, and
Director - Goku, that's baloney isn't it.
Goku - What! Why the hell would you think that!
Director - Because...baloney spelled backwards is 'Yenolab'...
Goku - (giant sweatdrop) Er...you know; right now would be a great time to cut to commercials! Eh?
(silence)
Goku - ...CUT TO THE MOTHERF(beep)ING COMMERCIALS-
(ten minutes later)
Goku - Hello and welcome back to my cooking show! As we left off, I was just about to put my scrumptious lasagna into the oven. Now, you have to put this sucker in for about 2 hours in the oven to fully bake it. (laughs) We don't need any more botulism or food induced sicknesses around here;
am I right!
(silence)
Goku - Damn straight...Now then, while that lasagna is cooking, let me show you todays 'Goku Desert of Choice'! Oooh, this sure does look excellent...(reaches behind a counter and pulls out a large tray) 'Baloney Brownies'! An excellent source of byproducts, and low in fat!
Director - (pulls out a nearby bucket and vomits into it)
(loud 'ding')
Goku - Ah, my lasagna is done! (walks over to the oven) Even though I don't know how that's earthly possible, since it's only been one minute...but, hey! That's the magic of TV I guess...(opens up the oven and pulls the lasagna pan out...with his bare hands...) Mmmm, doesn't this look just delicious?
Director - Um...Goku...
Goku - (takes a sniff) Wow, it sure does smell good!
Director - GOKU!
Goku - Yes?
Director - (points at his hands)
Goku - My hands? (looks down) Oh silly me! It seems with all of this nonsense going on today that I forgot to put my oven-mits on! Oh well, nothing a little cold water won't fixeh...well it seems that my hands have 'melded' to the cooking pan, so lets just cut to dinner later on, while these fine paramedics ply this pan off of my hands and administer painkillers...TA TA!
(later on, at Goku's dinner)
Goku - (emerges onto screen with huge casts on his hands) Hello again folks! I'm sure by now that you all know my wonderful dinner guests.
Vegeta - (grabs the camera) PLEASE IF ANYONE CAN SEE THIS, WE'RE BEING HELD HOSTAGE AT 1129 South
Goku - Ah, what a goof! (takes out a horse-whip and starts whipping Vegeta)
Vegeta - (screaming and getting whipped violently)
Goku - Alright, let's get this dinner party started! (waddles into the kitchen and emerges with his 'special' lasagna) (drops it violently down onto the table) Okay folks, dig in!
(silence)
Goku - Oh come on, don't be that way! I swear none of you will get food poisoning or radiation sickness this time!
(silence)
Goku - Eat you lousy bunch of good for nothing bast-
(awkard commercial time!)
Announcer - This episode of 'Goku's Cooking Tips Hour' is brought to you by...'Spite Prechewed Gum'! Now available in a six pack, complete with salivating goodness...:D
(back to Goku's dinner party)
Goku - Hello again, and welcome back to my dinner party! And now it's time for my guests to sample my lasagna!
(Vegeta, Bulma, Chichi and Gohan are all severely beaten up)
Goku - Dig in! (starts muching away)
Vegeta - (cautiously takes a bite) Hmm...you know Kakarott, this lasagna actually tastes quite good!
Suprisingly...
Chichi - Yeah; and I'm not dropping dead of any infectious diseases! Oh Goku, you've really outdone your-
self this time!
Gohan - Yeah dad, this lasagna is delicious!
Goku - Aw, thanks for all your kind compliments!
Chichi - But one thing still bothers me...
Goku - What's that?
Chichi - This...sprinkled cheese on the top tastes a bit funny...
Goku - Oh yeah...about that...we were kind of all out of sprinkled cheese, so I used some of that sprinkled powder from under the kitchen sink!
(suddenly, everyone looks mortified)
Chichi - (drops her fork)
Goku - Eh? Was it something I said!
Chichi - Goku, THAT WAS RAT POISON UNDER THE SINK!
Goku - ...
Vegeta - (looks horrified)
Bulma - (slowly gets out of her chair)
Goku - Ah come on guys! Rat poison or not, it sure did add a nice zesty flavour to the lasagna eh!
(silence)
Goku - Okay...then why don't we just skip ahead to desert, eh! (barges into the kitchen and comes back out hold the tray of 'Baloney Brownies') Desert is serveder...
(everyone is lying on the floor lifeless)
Goku - Oh well, all the more Baloney Brownies for me! (laughs insanely and stuffs his mouth full of the meat-ridden brownies)
(back at Goku's studio)
Goku - Well my fellow viewers and fans, I hope you enjoyed this episode of 'Goku's Cooking Tips Hour'! Join me tomorrow, as long as I'm not in court due to legal ramifications, when I make my famous 'Deep Fried Baloney with Taters'! So long!
(long silence)
Goku - Okay officers, do your thing...
(two police officers come into the room, handcuff Goku, and take him away)
Goku - Greetings! And welcome to the third episode of 'Goku's Cooking Tips Hour'! Now, lately I have been receiving a lot of e-mails from fans regarding the variety the food choices being used on this show! They complain that all I ever use to cook with is baloney! Well today, just for this small 98 of people, I will be making something with absolutely no relation to baloney! So then, let's get started shall we? (walks over to a counter) Well now, the recipe I will be sharing with you today is for a delicious 'Mystery-Meat Lasagna'! So, first of all we take five slices of...(his ridiculously large hat falls off into the deep-frier beside him) NO, MY RIDICULOUSLY LARGE HAT! (starts sobbing uncontrollably) (collapses to the floor) OH THE HUMANITY! The humanity...(curls up into a fetal position)
Director - ...
(message: We're sorry, but the 'Goku's Cooking Tips Hour' show is currently experiencing technical difficulties)
(sounds of Goku screaming and wailing about his stupidly large hat in the background)
Goku - DAMN THIS DEEP-FRIER TO HELL-
(suddenly cuts back to Goku)
Goku - (destroying the deep-frier) YOU MURDERER(suddenly notices that he's back on TV) Oh! Hello again folks. Well, it seems we've had a bit of a tragedy on the show today...a beloved hat of mine, which I purchased from a fine costume store for 1.99, seems to have fallen into this here deep-frier...But, all is not lost! (reaches into the deep-frier and pulls out his deep-fried hat) Ya see! As good as new! (puts it on his head) (smiles stupidly) Now then, lets get back to todays recipe of
(suddenly a large bird flies into the studio and bites the hat right off of Goku's head)
Goku - Wha...THAT F(beep)ING BIRD HAS MY HAT!
(the large bird flies over to its nest and feeds the deep-fried party hat to its young)
Goku - OH GOD, MY POOR HAT! DEEP FRIED AND THEN TORN TO SHREDS BY RAVENOUS YOUNG BIRDS! (shaking his hand at the sky) DAMN YOU MOTHER NATURE!
Audience - (sweatdrop) ...
Goku - (still sobbing) I truly apologize for all this nonsense folks so lets just get back to the recipe...as long as no more RAVENOUS ANIMALS COME AND EAT MY CLOTHING ATTIRE!
Director - (having a migraine)
Goku - Okay, like I was saying earlier...before my hat fell into the deep frier and demented birds...
Director - GOKU WE GET THE POINT!
Goku - Oh, okily dokily! (smiles idiotically) Anyways, todays recipe is my famed and much loved 'Mystery Meat Lasagna'! (pulls a strange looking lasagna out) Ooooooh, mysterious! (makes weird noises with his mouth) Anyways, all you need to make this wonderful lasagna is: four slices of 'mystery'
meat; or as I call it: Yenolab and a few cups of noodles with a bit of tomato sauce, and
Director - Goku, that's baloney isn't it.
Goku - What! Why the hell would you think that!
Director - Because...baloney spelled backwards is 'Yenolab'...
Goku - (giant sweatdrop) Er...you know; right now would be a great time to cut to commercials! Eh?
(silence)
Goku - ...CUT TO THE MOTHERF(beep)ING COMMERCIALS-
(ten minutes later)
Goku - Hello and welcome back to my cooking show! As we left off, I was just about to put my scrumptious lasagna into the oven. Now, you have to put this sucker in for about 2 hours in the oven to fully bake it. (laughs) We don't need any more botulism or food induced sicknesses around here;
am I right!
(silence)
Goku - Damn straight...Now then, while that lasagna is cooking, let me show you todays 'Goku Desert of Choice'! Oooh, this sure does look excellent...(reaches behind a counter and pulls out a large tray) 'Baloney Brownies'! An excellent source of byproducts, and low in fat!
Director - (pulls out a nearby bucket and vomits into it)
(loud 'ding')
Goku - Ah, my lasagna is done! (walks over to the oven) Even though I don't know how that's earthly possible, since it's only been one minute...but, hey! That's the magic of TV I guess...(opens up the oven and pulls the lasagna pan out...with his bare hands...) Mmmm, doesn't this look just delicious?
Director - Um...Goku...
Goku - (takes a sniff) Wow, it sure does smell good!
Director - GOKU!
Goku - Yes?
Director - (points at his hands)
Goku - My hands? (looks down) Oh silly me! It seems with all of this nonsense going on today that I forgot to put my oven-mits on! Oh well, nothing a little cold water won't fixeh...well it seems that my hands have 'melded' to the cooking pan, so lets just cut to dinner later on, while these fine paramedics ply this pan off of my hands and administer painkillers...TA TA!
(later on, at Goku's dinner)
Goku - (emerges onto screen with huge casts on his hands) Hello again folks! I'm sure by now that you all know my wonderful dinner guests.
Vegeta - (grabs the camera) PLEASE IF ANYONE CAN SEE THIS, WE'RE BEING HELD HOSTAGE AT 1129 South
Goku - Ah, what a goof! (takes out a horse-whip and starts whipping Vegeta)
Vegeta - (screaming and getting whipped violently)
Goku - Alright, let's get this dinner party started! (waddles into the kitchen and emerges with his 'special' lasagna) (drops it violently down onto the table) Okay folks, dig in!
(silence)
Goku - Oh come on, don't be that way! I swear none of you will get food poisoning or radiation sickness this time!
(silence)
Goku - Eat you lousy bunch of good for nothing bast-
(awkard commercial time!)
Announcer - This episode of 'Goku's Cooking Tips Hour' is brought to you by...'Spite Prechewed Gum'! Now available in a six pack, complete with salivating goodness...:D
(back to Goku's dinner party)
Goku - Hello again, and welcome back to my dinner party! And now it's time for my guests to sample my lasagna!
(Vegeta, Bulma, Chichi and Gohan are all severely beaten up)
Goku - Dig in! (starts muching away)
Vegeta - (cautiously takes a bite) Hmm...you know Kakarott, this lasagna actually tastes quite good!
Suprisingly...
Chichi - Yeah; and I'm not dropping dead of any infectious diseases! Oh Goku, you've really outdone your-
self this time!
Gohan - Yeah dad, this lasagna is delicious!
Goku - Aw, thanks for all your kind compliments!
Chichi - But one thing still bothers me...
Goku - What's that?
Chichi - This...sprinkled cheese on the top tastes a bit funny...
Goku - Oh yeah...about that...we were kind of all out of sprinkled cheese, so I used some of that sprinkled powder from under the kitchen sink!
(suddenly, everyone looks mortified)
Chichi - (drops her fork)
Goku - Eh? Was it something I said!
Chichi - Goku, THAT WAS RAT POISON UNDER THE SINK!
Goku - ...
Vegeta - (looks horrified)
Bulma - (slowly gets out of her chair)
Goku - Ah come on guys! Rat poison or not, it sure did add a nice zesty flavour to the lasagna eh!
(silence)
Goku - Okay...then why don't we just skip ahead to desert, eh! (barges into the kitchen and comes back out hold the tray of 'Baloney Brownies') Desert is serveder...
(everyone is lying on the floor lifeless)
Goku - Oh well, all the more Baloney Brownies for me! (laughs insanely and stuffs his mouth full of the meat-ridden brownies)
(back at Goku's studio)
Goku - Well my fellow viewers and fans, I hope you enjoyed this episode of 'Goku's Cooking Tips Hour'! Join me tomorrow, as long as I'm not in court due to legal ramifications, when I make my famous 'Deep Fried Baloney with Taters'! So long!
(long silence)
Goku - Okay officers, do your thing...
(two police officers come into the room, handcuff Goku, and take him away)