Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Interview Madness ❯ Son Soup ( Chapter 4 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

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ATM: Ow! Something bit me!

Goku: Sorry.

ATM: Uhm...I don't think it was you....

Goku: Oh....right, heh heh...

ATM: Uhhhh.......ANYWAY! Welcome to another interview filled with interview goo-ness. As promised, I have Goku here...again. Trunks ensures me that he's on his way, but he's taking his sweet TIME!! I'm really sorry he's so late Goku, help yourself to these cashews.

Goku: Gee thanks! That's my favorite nut!

ATM: Mine's the almond.

Goku: Almonds are ok.

(Long awkward silence---crickets are heard.)

ATM: Oh God, I'm SO un-prepared for this interview....and it's gonna be a long one.

Goku: I like your basement, it's very big and...it has cashews in it.

ATM: I'll let ya in on a lil secret Goku, this isn't MY basement exactly, it's my grandparents. I don't want you people knowing where I live. ESPECIALLY Vegeta!

Goku: Why him?

ATM: I don't want him coming over and blowing up my house if he gets mad at me, which...he probably will.

Goku: But, what about your grandparents?

ATM: Err....hmmm....I never thought about that. I guess I'll just try not to piss him off. And if that doesn't work, my grandparents have lived a long life...

Goku: It's because Vegeta wears such tight clothing, that's why he's always in a bad mood. He should wear comfortable clothes like me. Wedgies aren't good for a person's personality.

ATM: I agree.

(Another long silence....with crickets)

ATM: Where the hell is Trunks?!? Is he chickening out?!

Goku: Mmmmmm...chicken....

ATM: And where are those cricket noises coming from? Are there crickets down here? That's just creepy.

Goku: Mmmmmm....crickets....

ATM: That's it! I'm calling his cell again.

(Trunks comes bounding down the stairs)

Trunks: NO! I'm here!

ATM: Were you hiding up there with my grandparents?

Trunks: Uhm, just your grandma. She thought I was a punk and tried to shave my head. I was like, "NO! Not my beautiful hair!"

ATM: Riiiight...how come this didn't happen before...?

Trunks: I dunno.

ATM: I guess it's because the other times you were here on TIME and she didn't have to see you come IN!

Trunks: Uhm, maybe?

ATM: Yes....maybe.....

Trunks: She has a really large bathroom.

ATM: I know, did you see the built in chair-thing in the shower? Isn't that wild?

Trunks: Shyeah, what's with that?

ATM: Wait, why were you in the bathroom...?

Trunks: Uhhh....

Goku: I'm outta cashews.

Trunks: Gahh...hi Goku!

Goku: Hiya! Say, you wouldn't happen to have any nuts on ya, eh Trunks?

Trunks: Why yes, I'd be happy to give you my nuts....

ATM: Alright, stop it.

Trunks: No, I really did bring nuts. They're assorted. Here Goku!

Goku: My kinda guy!

Trunks: R-really?

Goku: I carry muffins in my pants sometimes. You know, just in case.

ATM: Trunks, why the hell do you carry nuts around with you?

Trunks: Oh, I keep them handy just in case I see some squirrels. Or....Goku.

Goku: How thoughtful!

Trunks: *sniff* Thank you.

Goku: Dammit...can't...get the baggy open. Grrr!

ATM: You're both messed up. Ok, since I have nothing planned, I guess I'll just....make up questions.

Goku: You're sitting kinda close there, Trunks.

Trunks: Sorry!

Goku: That didn't mean scoot closer.

Trunks: Oh. Heheh...my bad.

Goku: Ffmmmphhhh, damn packaging! Why must they make it so hard to open?? Must...get to....nuts.

Trunks: Here, lemme try.

Goku: NO! I know how to deal with nuts!

Trunks: I'm sure you do...

ATM: Oh God..uhm, Trunks?

Trunks: Huh?

ATM: Hmmm, lemme see uhh...if you could make a shampoo that smelled like anything in the world, what would you make it smell like, and PLEASE don't say Goku.

Trunks: Damn. Uhhh...how about....grapefruit?

ATM: Interesting. I've never heard of grapefruit smelling shampoo.

Trunks: That's why I chose it.

ATM: Makes sense to me.

Goku: Shampoo's a funny word.

ATM: Yes, yes it is.

Trunks: Goku, can you say shampoo again, only slower, please?

Goku: Err, ok. Shhhhhaaaaaaammmmmmpppppoooooooo.

Trunks: Again.

Goku: Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmmmppppppppoooooooooooooooo.....?

Trunks: Thank you..

ATM: Trunks you have something on your chin.

Trunks: Oh, crap. (wipes his face)

ATM: Yeah. Uhh....Goku, why not sing us a song?

Trunks: Oh yes, please sing!

Goku: Alright. Here's a 'lil ditty Gohan made up when he was 2.

ATM: This oughta be good. I'll be sure to mention it next time I see him. Hehe.

Goku: I'm gonna take a baaaaaaath, and my name is Gohan. I tripped over my paaaaaants, and my name is Gohan. I made my daddy laaaaaaaaugh, and my name is Gohan. Mommy smacked daddy in the heeeeeeaaaaad, and my name is Gohan. Doo dee doo doo doooooo, la la la la la. Uhm....I think that's it.

ATM: Bravo! That was very cute and embarrassing!

Trunks: That was so beautiful.

ATM: Here, have a tissue.

Trunks: Thanks. *sniff*

ATM: Alright, moving on...Trunks...

Trunks: Yeah?

ATM: Why not tell us some embarrassing moments of Vegeta and, or your mom. That should even things out.

Trunks: Even what out?

ATM: Just shut up and make with the ha-ha, hair boy.

Trunks: Hair boy?

ATM: (shakes fist)

Trunks: Uhm, alright. Well, last week dad slipped in a puddle of melted ice in the kitchen and he thought no one saw. But luckily, I happened to have my cam-corder handy. He had a wet spot on his ass all afternoon.

Goku: Hehehe, Vegeta's funny.

Trunks: And this one time, I was walking down the hall and heard some music coming out of my parent's bedroom. I peeked in the door and saw my dad dancing to "My Sherona." I had my cam-corder with me that time too.

ATM: This is great, tell us more.

Goku: Yes, please! HAHAHAHAHA!

Trunks: Here's a little-known fact. Dad loves chocolate.

(crickets)

ATM: I knew that.

Goku: Yeah me too. That's why Valentine's Day is his favorite holiday.

ATM: I thought Halloween was.

Goku: No, he said, "There's no guarantee you'll recieve chocolate when trick-or-treating."

ATM: He goes trick-or-treating?

Goku: Yeah! Have you seen how short he is? He gets away with it quite easily.

ATM: I see...

Trunks: He dressed up like a cat last year.

Goku: A fluffy cat. He wouldn't let me pet him.

Trunks: You can pet me.

Goku: O-Okaaaaay...

ATM: Err...Goku! Where has Kinto'un, aka Flying Nimbus, been hanging out since you've learned how to fly?

Goku: Wow, I really don't know. Actually, I didn't know where Nimbus went even when I used it. Gohan used it for a while, and one time something scared 'em, and left this big brown spot on Nimbus. We haven't seen Nimbus since, and it no longer comes when Gohan calls.

ATM: Hehe, that's....that's terrible. Gohan really is a dork.

Goku: Well he doesn't get it from me. I'm normal.

ATM: Sure.

Trunks: No Goku, you're not normal. You're very special...

ATM: Yes, VERY special.

Goku: Gee, thanks!

ATM: Hey, how about them senzu beans? What do they taste like? And why are they so cruchy?

Goku: They taste like grass.

Trunks: Yes...grass...

ATM: How do you guys know what grass tastes like?

Goku: What, doesn't everyone eat grass?

ATM: No. Only farm animals eat grass. Wait, I saw my cat eating grass once.

Goku: Awww...Neko Vegeta...so fluffy...so angry...

ATM: Meh?

Trunks: I know the senzu beans are very helpful and all, but I don't trust Yajirobi very much. I think he waters them in a "special way" if you know what I mean...

ATM: Yeah, he does seem rather disturbed. He hangs out with a sour puss, after all.

Goku: His hair kinda looks like my brother's.

ATM: Radditz?

Goku: Yeah, unless I have another one I don't know of.

ATM: You should've went and visited him while you were dead.

Goku: Nah, the food really sucks in Hell, and Radditz kinda smelled like eggs when he was alive. I'd hate to find out what he smells like dead.

ATM: Who's that Turles guy and why does he look so much like you?

Trunks: There's someone else out there that looks like Goku??

ATM: No, he's dead now.

Trunks: Kami really does hate me...what did I do? I think it's cuz he hates my father. He--

ATM: Yeah that's nice....Goku, Turles. Your thoughts?

Goku: He didn't mention anything about being related to me at all, but he had to have been if he looked so much like me.

ATM: You're sure he didn't mention anything about being related to you?

Goku: No.

ATM: Uhm, alright. o_O

(Another long pause of mighty silence)

ATM: I think the great part about him was that he had a tan. And he wasn't...ya know...stupid?

Trunks: He had a tan??? (falls over)

ATM: I've seen your dad Goku, you both look exactly alike as well.

Goku: I don't care. He wasn't a very good father.

ATM: Well of course you'd say that, you never met him. But you're right, he didn't seem to care about you much. At least not until the split second before he died.

Trunks: Bastard.

ATM: Speaking of bastards, you look a lot like your father too, Trunks.

Trunks: Please don't say that...

ATM: You do! I dunno where you got that hair color from, but the rest of you looks almost identical to your dad.

Goku: No, Trunks is much taller than Vegeta.

Trunks: Thank you (blushes)

ATM: Screw that, you're taller than them all! 'Cept Piccolo. How has that Jolly Green Giant been doing lately? Still stalking Gohan?

Goku: Is that what you call it? Yeah, he always does seem to be hanging around Gohan. Poor guy, of all the people to be in love with...my dorky son. S'wrong.

ATM: Indeed. But I don't see HOW he could have feelings for him, seeing as how he's asexual.

Goku: A-what?

ATM: Asexual...no man parts.

Goku: He's not a man? Geez...well, I never was good at telling the difference.

Trunks: Really? Hmmm, that gives me a great idea...

Goku: (whispers) He scares me...

ATM: I'm sure he does.

Trunks: Does what?

ATM: Uhm...like root beer...heh.

Trunks: Ok...?

ATM: Well, I think we've been chit-chatting long enough. I'm sure my grandmother is wondering why I've got two guys down here. Two....hot guys....

Goku: Actually, I'm kinda cold.

Trunks: No Goku...she means--

ATM: Nevermind it Trunks! Just go, shoo.

Trunks: Fine. Goku, can I escort you home?

Goku: I know the way home...

Trunks: No no, I insist.

ATM: Goku, just remember to fly BEHIND him.

Goku: A-alright...

Trunks: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

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A/N: Well THAT was interesting. O_O