Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ The We-Must-Be-Out-of-Our-Tiny-Minds Road Trip ❯ Heero Spazzes Out, OR J'dee and Reikon Save the Day ( Chapter 6 )

Aaaaaaaaaaah!!! *Runs into the room* I'm sorry I haven't updated in such a long time! I've just been…ah, I dunno what I've been, but I obviously haven't updated o_O.

Heero: Well then don't annoy them with rambling!

Orange Cannibal-No, I will not change the story because if all us Vegeta fans were to suddenly stop obsessing then I wouldn't be satisfied with it, they wouldn't be satisfied with it, and other readers wouldn't be satisfied with it.

Disclaimer: Let's put it this way: I don't own anything in this fic that has an official site with a trademark on it.

After our little road trip friends decided to leave the zoo (And were even paid $2,700 dollars to do so! Hey, they had to get funded somehow), along with the new additions they had picked up in there, they piled into the abnormally large pink van. Heero hopped into the driver's seat quickly.

"Hey!" cried J'dee indignantly, coming up to the driver's seat, "I was going to drive!"

Heero gave her a 'So?' look and began to rev up the engine. J'dee sighed, realizing that this wasn't going anywhere, "Fine. But I'm sitting next to you in front. Don't forget, you're only 15! And I have a license now!"

"Where'd ya get that?" asked S'rac from the back.

"Wouldn't you liked to know?" asked J'dee with a mischievous glint in her eye, getting into the seat next to Heero's.

Meanwhile, in the back, the seating arrangement was as follows: In the three seats directly behind the front ones, were BG, Vegeta, and then Bulma. In the four seats behind them where T-Sama, DA, Chibi Trunks, and Chibi Goten. Behind them in five seats were TRF, Juunanagou, Alexandra, Gohan, and Chi-Chi (No doubt Gohan was forced to sit there). And since this happens to be a really strange van that increases sort of like a pyramid the next row had six seats and their occupants where Kuno, S'rac, Juurokugo, Juuhachigou, Marron, and Krillin. Behind that, in seven seats were Kitami, RJ, Reikon, Piccolo, Mirai Trunks, Familiar, and Inu Yasha. In the eighth row was Yamcha, Goku, Orlando the Penguin Muse, and Perry (Puar's second cousin). The van actually had ten rows and then the back where the ice cream was, but luckily it wasn't completely filled yet. (Yes, yes, crapload long description, don't hurt me >_<).

The Rockets all walked up to the side of the van as well. Juunana poked TRF and gave a rather loud 'A-hem'.

"Oh right," said TRF sadly, "Sorry Rockets, you can't come along. I wish you all back to your world," TRF finished, looking down sadly. Of course, if she'd looked up, she would had seen them all grinning and laughing, and in the case of Jessie and James, hugging out of pure happiness as they were sent back.

"Is everyone here?" asked Heero in a tone of voice that said he didn't really care if they were all there or not because he was leaving now.

"Yeppers, I think so!" responded J'dee.

"Good. Bakas," muttered Heero as he backed out of the several parking spaces the large van had taken up.

After they had been driving around twenty minutes, Yamcha turned around to get something from the ninth row. When he turned around, his eyes we bulging with horror, "Guys?" he got no response, since everyone was entirely caught up in whatever they were currently doing, "Guys?!" he said again, this time with more urgency.

J'dee turned around, "What is it Yammie-Chan?" The 'chan' was too much for Vegeta. He just stopped himself from letting out a large guffaw, and reduced it down to a few snickers.

Yamcha, however, ignored the 'chan' suffix, "Someone wrote in huge letters, 'THIS VAN WAS STOLEN. CALL YOUR LOCAL POLICE IF YOU SEE IT. THE OCCUPANTS ARE CRAZY, RABID CLOWNS' on the back of our van!

Kitami looked merely insulted, "Crazy, rabid clowns? I think not!"

"Oooooh damn," muttered Bana.

"Stupid zoo workers! If I could, I would go back and beat them up!" said Kuno in an outraged voice.

"And you could probably do a really good job of it, Kuno," said S'rac immediately.

"What should we do? We can't exactly pull over and start rubbing it off, people would get suspicious!" said RJ hysterically.

"If they aren't already," said T-Sama gloomily.

"Betcha they are. Somebody probably already called, too," muttered DA darkly.

J'dee turned to Heero, "Alright Mr. Genius, what to we do now?!"

Heero stared at the road determinedly, "We'll need to take the back roads. Will your Porsche follow us?" asked Heero glancing over to the side of the road where Jazz was.

"Of course! Jazz is smarter than the average Porsche!" chirped J'dee.

"That's good to hear, because the average Porsche doesn't HAVE an IQ," muttered Heero.

"Uh…where are these so-called 'back roads'"? Bulma inquired.

Heero simply pointed to the cornfields on the right of the road.

Bana wrinkled her nose, "Cornfields?"

"You have a better plan?" snapped Heero.

"The Porsche will get corn stains," murmured Juunana disappointedly.

J'dee shrugged, but looked a little uncomfortable with the idea, "We can wash Jazz off. You can help me, Juunana," she said suddenly grinning.

"Damn it," whispered Alexandra to TRF, "We'll have to admit her into our secret Juunana cult too before she does something that goes outside the rules."

TRF frowned, "Like doing something kinky with him that doesn't involve us?"

Alexandra nodded sagely, "Yes. That especially."

"Oh well, it's still pretty exclusive."

"Yeah."

Heero suddenly threw them off-balance as he swerved into a cornfield. Jazz did, indeed, follow them.

TRF looked at the corn and shivered at all the tassels, "Oooh…it's detasseling all over again. Stupid, evil job."

"That you quit after five days," chimed in Heero.

"Oh shut up, He-man. Did I ask you what you thought? And besides I still got money from it and used it to buy this baby among some other things," upon saying this, TRF took out the first Trigun DVD, "Oh yes, I love Vash, that I do."

"From the way you just talked, I'd say you love Kenshin, too," said S'rac.

"Jah, but he doesn't compare to Vash in all his glory."

RJ looked out the window, "We are supposed to be running over the corn, right?"

Heero nodded, "Well of course, if we went in a row, we wouldn't get anywhere."

"Can we stop for me to eat some corn?" asked Goku hopefully.

"No. This is a risky enough mission as it is. I cannot jeopardize it for your hunger needs," responded Heero enigmatically.

"I would have stopped if I were driving," said J'dee nonchalantly.

"See now why you aren't?" asked Heero with an obvious 'duh' in his voice.

"Not really, I mean, you do know, He-chan, that we aren't really in any mortal danger?" asked J'dee raising in eyebrow.

Heero gave her a steely glare, "Yes, we ARE in danger. You just don't see it. Everything that gets in our way, that is our enemy. Even all of this corn is, because it is getting our way…IT MUST DIE!!!!!!" Heero's eyes suddenly bugled, his voice lost its normal enigmatic tone, and he pushed a button on the van that somehow summoned giant machine guns that shot at the corn.

"Is this normal?" asked J'dee turning around to face TRF, noting Bana stroking Vegeta's spandex while he glanced at her with an annoyed expression on his face and Bulma looked ready to kill, as she looked back.

"Umm…not really. Not unless…" TRF suddenly stopped, "Fuck, we're doomed," she then began to cry and cling to Juunana. J'dee deduced that the author wouldn't be much help.

"Anyone else know anything about this?" she asked.

"It could have some sort of thing to do with the Zero System," Reikon suggested.

"He mastered that," said J'dee shaking her head.

"Or so we thought," said Reikon suspiciously.

"Hmmm…" J'dee put a hand on Heero's shoulder, "Heero, honey, I don't mean to sound offensive, but…have you done anything, anything just recently, that you don't normally do?" she asked gently.

Heero turned to her with a crazed expression on his face, "Why do you want to know? Why are you invading my privacy? ARE YOU WITH THEM?!" he demanded, pointing to the shattered, broken corn around them.

J'dee was more than freaked out, but tried to keep up a calm front, "No, no Heero, I hate them too, I just want to know…you're secret to discovering their evil plot."

Heero stared at her with a soulless look, "I drank liquidized ZS2."

"Er…forgive me, but what does that mean?"

Heero twitched, "Stop asking questions, they're gaining on us, and they're angry we killed their comrades," he said as he once again gestured to the corn, which hadn't really changed at all. He turned back to the controls and started firing the machine gun again.

Bulma had finally reached her breaking point and reached across, just managing to pry Bana's hands from Vegeta, and Bana looked up front, "Woah. What's wrong with our Heero, our new driver dude whom our life depends on right now?"

"He drank liquidized ZS2, whatever the hell that is," said J'dee agitatedly.

"Ok then, so we all get to die?" asked Bana mildly.

"Looks like it," chirped T-Sama.

"Ugh, I finally meet Skittles and now I'm going to die. Just perfect. Quorky get up here! I want my muse to die at the same time as me!" she yelled. Quorky sighed, but decided that since the fanfic couldn't possibly end so soon, he'd be just fine wherever he was and obeyed.

"Jeez, out of one bad situation and into another," grumbled DA, "This bad luck just never ends for us persevering authors, does it? Oh, and why don't we just knock him out?"

"If we don't succeed the first time through, he's probably liable to kill us. TRF seems to think so," said J'dee, gesturing to the still-sobbing TRF.

"Well I'm not going to take death sitting down!" proclaimed Kuno, standing up.

"Kuno can knock him out!" said S'rac confidently.

"I was just finishing," said Kuno in an annoyed voice, "I won't take death sitting down, I'm going to take it lying down. Move over, kid," he said ushering S'rac over closer to Juurokugo. S'rac, stilling remembering the earlier, 'We're NOT sex machines?' comment by Juurokugo was rather reluctant to move any closer than he had to. He hopped over the large android and fell onto Juuhachigou's lap by mistake. To add to that, as he fell his hands had been in the air and when he fell onto Juuhachigou's lap, they ended up groping a…female-only spot.

"Uh…hello ma'am?" he said, eyes wide as she brought her fist down onto his face, knocking him out and threw him in the back next to Goku, saying, "Take this kid, I think he's one of your fans."

Reikon, meanwhile, groaned deeply at this whole affair and moved up to where TRF was, and began shaking her, "What does ZS2 stand for?!" she demanded.

TRF sniffed, "Z-ze-zero…S-system 2…he's really cracked up now…" she began to sob again and Reikon, apparently satisfied that J'dee had a plan in mind now, sat back down.

J'dee took a deep breath, "Ok now, Heero, what if I told you…that Relena was somewhere in here and your bullets might hit her?"

Heero stopped suddenly, "I might…might hurt…Relena?"

"Yes, and maybe you already did," said J'dee in a voice that mimicked graveness. Heero's eyes rolled backwards and he fainted dead away.

"Always works, playing the 'Relena' card always works," J'dee muttered to herself as she picked up Heero and put him in the passenger seat-purposely feeling a little of that firm Yuy bottom as she did so-and sat in the driver's seat. She then looked behind her to see that it seemed no one except DA, T-Sama, Chi-Chi, Gohan, Reikon, and Piccolo had even noticed the crisis was over.

"Attention!" she yelled, "Contrary to popular belief, we will NOT be dieing today, so if everyone could just calm down enough so that I can at least focus 50% on my driving, I think we can get going again!" she announced. Everyone stopped to stare at her for what seemed like an eternity.

"Oh, okay," said Chibi Goten in a somewhat disappointed voice seeing as how he had been plotting with Chibi Trunks about dropping a bucket of piranhas on Heero's head.

"Damn, I confessed all of those dirty thoughts I've ever had about Gohan for NOTHING?" said Kitami in a surprised voice. Then she caught Chi-Chi glaring at her, "I mean…erm…all those dirty thoughts I've had about Johan…Johan von Snanzo…yeah, that's it."

"I thought so," said Chi-Chi brandishing her frying pan.

"I confessed them on paper," whispered RJ to Kitami, "I might be safer to do that next time," Kitami turned to look down and see exactly what kinds of dirty thoughts RJ had been having, but RJ suddenly starts ripping it into a thousand pieces and threw them around the van, "Confetti?" she offered weakly.

Chi-Chi caught two pieces of the 'confetti' and held them side by side, "Gohan? Wearing only a speedo? WHO WROTE THESE?!" she demanded.

~*~

Later on, J'dee pulled up to a broken down building with a broken neon sign that read, 'Bladua's Good Value Motel'. This was just about the last place any one of them would have chosen to stay if it had been their choice, but when Heero had waken up (completely normal again), he insisted that they were probably wanted right now and they should go to a low-profile place.

After Chapter AN: Ok, I know that some people have bothered me about being in this since the last chapter, but since it's been a pretty long time since that chapter, I want to make sure everyone who asked is still reading. Also, after this chapter I don't want to put in any new people for a while, so if you want to be in it, submit it now. Also, a slightly interesting fact is, this isn't at all how I'd planned this chapter. We were supposed to get to the motel early on and spend the chapter there, but this fic seems to have a mind of its own o_O. Oh well, that just means I have the next chapter planned already ^_^.

Until next time,

~TRF