Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Underlying Conspiracy ❯ Part 4 ( Chapter 4 )

Disclaimer: I don't own DBZ. I'm not making any money.

Warnings: male x male, Goku x Vegeta. Attempt at comedy.

 

Underlying Conspiracy

 

by chayron (lttomb@yahoo.com), beta-read by Veronica

 

Part 4

 

It was a dark night. The two most powerful Saiyans in the Universe (well, let's forget Gohan for now, besides he's only half-Saiyan anyway) were sitting in Goku's Capsule house, where the hole in the wall presented a perfect air conditioning system and Goku thought that the glowing yellowish light from outside was very romantic. Not that he knew what the word “romantic” meant, mind you.

 

Vegeta was stuck in Goku's house because Vegeta's house had a fatal accident. Actually several of them: First, it got attacked by cockroaches, then it got soaking wet, then it got a little burnt, then it was accidentally blasted to dust. Well…these things happen. Especially if one tries to get rid of the cockroaches by sinking the house into the sea, then tries drying it by ascending to Super Saiyan Two, then sees that one cockroach survived and tries to blast it but misses. Ah well, the life is full of accidents.

 

Goku groaned happily then belched loudly. He patted his stomach after the echoes in the house had died down. Vegeta looked at him, his brow raised. “Ever think about joining a chorus?” he sighed then, looking back at the table. “You didn't have anything better than fish preserves?”

 

Goku frowned. “And what's wrong with preserves? At least they can't be attacked by cockroaches.”

 

Vegeta glared at him. After all, it was he who insisted that Vegeta try dunking the house in salt water… And it was he who got panicky and squealed like a girl after all the nice brown and black beetles with their long antennas started to rise up to the water's surface and swim towards the shore… Goku should have known that even an A-bomb wouldn't kill them. But the only thing he learned was that salt water makes cockroaches even more vicious.

 

“How much longer will it be until we get there?” Goku whined, after cleaning his teeth with his treasured tail. He loved his new appendage. He could do so many things with it! Cleaning his teeth was great, but he also loved to scratch his back and other body parts that he couldn't reach with his hands.

 

“Another day, at least,” Vegeta answered. Then he glared at Goku as Goku let out a despairing whine and started chewing on his tail. “It was you who talked me into this shit, so now shut up and not a peep!”

 

“Oh, yeah, I forgot - if not for me dragging you here you would have been playing that cursed game of yours!” Goku snorted, angered by Vegeta's selfishness.

 

“Tomb Raider is my favorite game! Don't you dare say anything bad about it!” Vegeta hissed.

 

“Why do you like it?” Goku glared at him, pushing the empty cans from the table and into a cellophane bag.

 

“The way Lara always screams when falling, and the poses that stupid bitch gets into after falling and killing herself…” Vegeta looked at the ceiling with dreamy eyes while remembering the intimate moments at the console.

 

“Figures…” Goku rolled his eyes. He finished cleaning the table then sat down again. He proceeded to stare at the wall for some time. Then he turned and stared another three minutes at a different wall. Then five more minutes at the tail that was happily waving behind Vegeta's back.

 

“Vegeta, why is it that there were classes on Vegeta-sei?” Goku asked, suddenly, raising a sore point for himself. That point was especially sore, because Vegeta repeatedly made Goku sore when they talked about it. And usually in several places.

 

Vegeta finished his apple then threw the rest of it outside through the hole in the wall. He didn't think that the hole in the wall was romantic at all, he thought that he would be attacked by mosquitoes all night.

 

“The classes always were and always will be,” Vegeta snorted at Goku.

 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Goku rolled his eyes. “But according to what criteria are people divided into classes? Why is it that while I'm stronger than you, I'm still only a third-class?”

 

Vegeta's left eye twitched. He thought about gutting Goku with the small knife he had been using to peel an apple. But then he decided against it - there were more important things than gutting Kakarott at the moment. For example he wanted to find that cursed flower and get back to Capsule Corp. to play Tomb Raider. He had also seen that Final Fantasy XXVII was going to be released soon.

 

Vegeta sighed. He lived in his fantasy world…well, in a fantasy world that others had created for him, but a fantasy world nonetheless. He swished his tail behind his back, thoroughly annoyed. He had to stop this foolishness that his life had become.

 

“The most important criterion is the length,” Vegeta said finally.

 

Goku looked at Vegeta's tail then back at his own. Then he peered at both more closely. “Do you have a ruler?” he asked.

 

Vegeta blinked. “No.”

 

“So how can you say that yours is longer than mine?”

 

“Well, it's obvious.”

 

Goku looked at his tail then looked back at Vegeta's. “It isn't obvious. It just grew back. How do you know mine's shorter than yours?”

 

Vegeta's face changed several different colors. “Just grew back?” he stammered. “How is that, exactly?”

 

Goku looked at Vegeta, surprised. “Well, I lost it and it grew back. Like yours.”

 

Vegeta blinked. “You are deeply mistaken. Mine has been with me all the time.”

 

“But it only just regenerated! You lost your tail the very second you stepped on the Earth!”

 

Vegeta looked at Goku, exasperated. “Who the hell is talking about the tails here?”

 

Goku scratched his confused head. “So what are we talking about?”

 

Vegeta crossed his legs.

 

XXXXX

 

The day had been pretty boring. But they went to sleep at least a bit happier knowing that they would soon reach old Baba's house.

 

In his mind, Vegeta dreamed of what the next day might bring.

 

“Look, it's probably that one,” the Goku of his dreams motioned to an old derelict house that was deeply buried between several orange rocks.

 

The wind stilled, and it blew up again, and with such a force that the gusts lifted the sand and small rocks into the air. Vegeta turned around in surprise and shielded his eyes against the onslaught of sand. Goku stopped, too. Though, he hardly managed to avoid a huge bra that flew past him.

 

Vegeta expertly caught it and swung it on his index finger several times; oh, well, he really was an expert in such things. “I smell that old Baba witch,” he said letting go of the bra and letting it fly gracefully further in the wind.

 

“Why the hell do I feel like I'm in a horror movie?” Goku mumbled, gazing at the retreating bra that fluttered like a giant butterfly, flapping its wings.

 

“That stone is going to hit you,” Vegeta stated calmly.

 

“What stone?”

 

“That one,” Vegeta grinned as Goku was taken down smashingly by a huge stone and flattened to a nearby rock.

 

“Dammit, Vegeta, you could have warned me!” Goku said after he finally managed to push the huge stone off himself.

 

“I did,” Vegeta smirked. His eyes fixed on Goku, whose gi was now tattered so that he could see the other Saiyan's big muscular chest. Vegeta's eyes darkened, a sudden flame catching in the depths, like two devils dancing in his black-as-night pupils.

 

Dark clouds started gathering above, rolling so that the sky looked like it was boiling. The wind whistled and screamed and tore at the earth. The sky suddenly brightened as lightning crossed the air, charging it with something thick and powerful. And then it started raining.

 

The fresh scent filled the air, as miniature streams flowed over the darkened orange rocks, gathering underneath them into small puddles and then streaming down over the wasted dessert sand, filling it with life for just a few moments.

 

The small rivers flowed over Goku's spiky hair, and down over his tanned and healthy skin. The muscles of his chest and back glistened and his dark hair flew wildly as he shook the water off. He closed his eyes and tilted his face to the sky while combing his fingers through his wet hair. The rain was flowing in rivulets over his muscular frame, over that gorgeous body…

 

“What the…?” Goku raised his head at the pelting sky. Then he turned his head questioningly at Vegeta who was standing at the nearby rock.

 

“Hey,” Vegeta shrugged his shoulders. “It's my wet dream. If I want you with your shirt soaking wet, I'll have it.”

 

XOXOX

 

Meanwhile, on the other side of the room, a sleeping Goku was entertaining some hungry dreams of his own.

 

A huge hamburger with cheese, lettuce and tomatoes screamed loudly. Screamed then scurried away in panic. Yummy bastard.

 

Goku finished chewing, licked the grease off his lips and ran off after the half-eaten hamburger. Oh how he loved aggressive food. It only seemed fair to have to work for it a bit.

 

The hamburger was fast. It clearly wanted to live for at least a little while.

 

Goku turned Super Saiyan to catch up with it. And then, just before he was able to take another bite of the panicking burger, an unusual scene caught his eye. Yes, it was even more unusual than a running and screaming hamburger.

 

Despite that Goku's legs still followed the sprinting hamburger, his eyes and soon his whole head stopped to concentrate on the curious scene taking place in a valley under several orange rocks. It was raining there. He was running in the desert and the only place it seemed to be raining was that little spot between the rocks. The sky above the rocks was overcast and the clouds seemed to be boiling with darkness.

 

The hamburger gave one last agonizing shriek when Goku's Kamehameha struck and toasted its round side. It managed two last steps in an attempt to escape the hungry Saiyan before its tiny weak little legs gave up and ketchup poured out all over the sand.

 

Goku ripped the hamburger in half and, sticking one half under his arm while happily munching the other, he went to see what was going on in that “raining” valley.

 

Something interesting was happening, that was for sure. For one, there was another Goku. And that other Goku was bare-chested, standing like an idiot under the flowing rain.

 

The first Goku took a good bite of his hunted down hamburger. Chewing, he watched the second Goku tilt his head to the rain and comb his fingers through his hair, entangling in the hair seductively while water flowed over his shoulders and back. Goku No. 1 wondered what the hell his other self was doing. Posing for “Playgirl”? Okay, sometimes he was dense, sometimes naïve, but hey, he could recognize the show that he himself was putting on.

 

Goku No. 1 saw his other self turn his head somewhere to the side. He followed Goku No. 2's gaze as it stopped at Vegeta. Now this was really getting interesting. Vegeta was also standing in the rain and watching Goku No. 2 strike a pose.

 

It got even more interesting when Goku No. 2 tore the rest of his tattered shirt off, tossed it to the wind and ran his hands over his bare, wet skin. And he did all that while looking Vegeta in the eyes.

 

Goku No. 1 took another bite of his hamburger. He numbly chewed with his jaw lax, not even tasting his food. He was salivating, but the hamburger had nothing to do with it. He gulped the bite down loudly as Vegeta's eyes came to rest on him.

 

Vegeta's dark eyes widened. He couldn't believe his luck - two Kakarotts! One of them was eating, but that could be fixed easily enough. There were several ways to make Kakarott lose his interest in food, and Vegeta hoped he had the right one in mind.

 

Goku No. 1 took an unconscious step backwards as he observed the two flames dancing like demons in Vegeta's eyes. He stared at the Saiyan prince's trademark smirk.

 

“Ehhh…” Goku No. 1 scratched his spiky head nervously, “I don't suppose you've seen a big bowl of rice passing by here…?”

 

“No,” Vegeta advanced on Goku No. 1. “I really haven't…” he purred, and Goku No. 1 could feel the purr go straight to his bones and to…

 

Goku No. 1 gasped for air as the vibration stuck in his throat making him choke on the hamburger.

 

Goku No. 1 dealt with the hamburger that was stuck in his throat and smiled tentatively. Then he coughed tentatively. And then he ran tentatively.

 

“Thank Gods,” Goku No. 2 sighed in relief. He watched Vegeta's back receding into the distance while he chased after Kakarott. “Every fucking night,” he complained. “I swear the guy is insatiable!”

 

XXXXX

 

“Aaaaaahhh!!!” Goku jumped up in his bed. Panting and wide-eyed with shock, he brushed the sweat from his brow. After the pounding in his ears subsided, he realized that there was someone else in the room that was panting as loudly as he himself was. He turned to look at Vegeta's bed.

 

“What?!” Vegeta rasped out angrily at Goku's wild eyes.

 

“I don't suppose you've seen a big bowl of rice passing by...?” Goku blinked innocently.

 

XXXXX

 

“They are so stupid! They had such a perfect chance and they're still sitting there like two idiots!” Yamcha called out while watching Baba's crystal ball. “If your magic spell to cross their dreams didn't help, I don't know what will!” he threw his hands up in exasperation.

 

Baba looked at Yamcha. “You seem to be very involved…”

 

“You bet I am!” Yamcha snorted. “Those two piss me off! Always walking around frustrated. And do you know what happens when a frustrated Goku asks you to spar? And don't even get me started about Vegeta - he's ruining my life in general!”

 

“Ah…” Baba nodded. “I see. And I knew there must be some reason you came to me…”

 

Yamcha nodded and crossed his arms. He looked at the shimmering crystal again. “But I can't believe I saw Goku posing like that… That was…” he shivered. “That really was something new. I wonder what side of his we'll see next time…”

 

Baba muttered something under breath.

 

“Whaaaaaah!” Yamcha yelled, covering his eyes and jumping away from the crystal ball where now a naked Goku took a striking pose. “Why did you do that?!” he shook his fist at Baba.

 

“You wanted to see another side of Goku…” Baba said while her eyes remained glued to Goku's naked backside.

 

Yamcha snorted. “Well, obviously it's you who wanted to see that side, you perverted old hag!”

 

“Hey,” Baba turned around, “watch your mouth. I'm not old!” She shook her head, making her purple hair fly around her shoulders. “I've simply matured like a fine wine or a delicious fruit, only now ripe and ready to be plucked.”

 

Yamcha was speechless for some time then turned around on his heel, sneaking towards the door. “Time for me to go…”

 

TBC

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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