Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Underlying Conspiracy ❯ Part 5 ( Chapter 5 )

Disclaimer: I don't own DBZ. I'm not making any money.

Warnings: Yaoi (male x male), Goku/Vegeta

Thanks go to: achillona for “crabs” :D

 

Underlying Conspiracy

 

by chayron (lttomb@yahoo.com), beta-read by Veronica

 

Part 5

 

It was a nice morning. The sun had just risen, the birds were singing, and Goku was sitting on the sand with his eyes closed and his legs crossed. He was completely and utterly submersed into what he was doing and absolutely and wholly unaware of the birds, the sun and whatever the hell else was around him.

 

Vegeta had just woken up. He rubbed his eyes, scratched his head furiously and other bodily parts that badly needed to be scratched each morning, then got up from the bed.

 

He decided he needed to wash. They were in the middle of the desert and there was no lake or stream where he could wash himself, but he went outside anyway - hoping at least to see a mirage of a lake.

 

Vegeta chose the shortcut through the hole in the wall. He noticed Kakarott sitting on the sizzling sand. It smelled like something was burning.

 

“Ommmmm…”

 

Vegeta cocked his head to his right shoulder.

 

“Ommmmm…mmmm…”

 

Vegeta cocked his head to the left shoulder.

 

“Ommmmm…”

 

“What are you doing?” Vegeta finally snapped.

 

“Ommmm…mmmm…ohmmmm…”

 

Vegeta looked around for something heavy. But there was nothing, only sand.

 

“Omm-HA!” Goku yelped and jumped two meters into the air. He rubbed his aching forehead.

 

“What the fuck have you just been doing?” Vegeta asked while weighing another brick in his palm; the house was finished, anyway. “Are you possessed?” he asked seriously. “Is it Majin again?”

 

Goku glared at him then continued to rub his forehead. “You have just spoiled all my work!”

 

“Oh really?” Vegeta clapped his palms giddily, crushing the brick he still held. This day was shaping up to be a good one, he decided. “I just hope it was much more useful than it seemed. Here I was hoping you were trying to fry yourself for breakfast…”

 

Goku glared at him again. “I've been trying to open my chakras. I had already opened two of them and then you spoiled everything!”

 

“Chakras?” Vegeta whirled his index finger at his temple, indicating that Goku had gone bonkers. “And just about how many of them do you have?”

 

“Dunno… But after I open all of them, something significant will happen. My body and mind will merge and I'll be in a complete equilibrium.”

 

“I don't particularly care about your mind, but try not to mess with your body - we might need it later. And who the fuck told you to do that?”

 

“Why would somebody have to tell me? I thought of it myself…”

 

“Of course somebody told you. It's very hard for me to admit, but even you couldn't have come up with something this stupid by yourself.”

 

“If you don't understand it, it doesn't mean it's stupid!” Goku bristled.

 

Vegeta rolled his eyes. “I give up,” he said for the first time in his life. First, he didn't care about Kakarott's chakras at all; second, he was unwashed yet; third, he was hungry; fourth, he was pissed off that he had to look for that stupid flower; and fifth, the morning scratch hadn't helped much.

 

XXXXX

 

After they had eaten, they set off. Vegeta was flying behind Goku and observing Goku's new set of gi pants. Vegeta had been right after all when he smelled something burning. The Saiyan prince had secretly hoped that Goku had something else in his wardrobe to change into (like some tight jeans, or a thong) but it appeared that all Goku had was orange gis. So Vegeta really felt a little pissed off.

 

XXXXX

 

Goku was musing while waiting for his fellow traveler to finish his business. He waited until Vegeta zipped up his jeans then said: “Listen, I was thinking…”

 

A look of shock and amazement appeared on Vegeta's face. “Omigod! You were?! R-” He wheezed as Goku punched him in the gut.

 

“Stop it,” Goku rubbed his chin thoughtfully while Vegeta was catching his breath and glaring at him. “So anyway, I was thinking what are we gonna do with those skeletons and ghosts Baba mentioned? I suppose skeletons are easy, but what about ghosts? Do you know any magic?”

 

“Yeah sure, I'll just start waving my magic stick and we'll be fine…” Vegeta glared again.

 

Goku got hot all over and wondered if Vegeta was doing that intentionally. That dream with the sandwiches and Vegeta chasing him had been damn hot… Food and Vegeta in one place was enough to drive anyone crazy.

 

“We should have asked Baba for advice…” Goku drawled.

 

“Nah, we should have taken her with us. Any ghost would just drop dead again after seeing her beauty,” Vegeta snickered.

 

“Listen, it's not nice to talk like that about old people. One day you'll also be old and…”

 

“I will never be old!” Vegeta rolled his eyes before blasting into the air. “I'm the Prince of All Saiyans! I'm the power and the glory!”

 

“Oh and I'm the one who has no common sense and lives in a dream world?” Goku spat.

 

He followed Vegeta and two hours later they landed next to a ragged shack. The shack had obviously been a wholly decent house quite some time ago. Farther from the house there were the remains of a well and a few stumps that indicated a now nonexistent garden.

 

“Tell me again why we need to stop here,” Vegeta demanded, kicking the door in. The door flew off its rotten hinges and smashed into the opposite wall, a cloud of dust whooshing right into the two of them.

 

“Hell, Vegeta!” Goku coughed, rubbing his eyes to clear the cobwebs and sand out of them. “Try using your brain instead of muscle once in a while!”

 

“Look who's talking!” Vegeta snarled, wiping his face. When he could see, he looked around in the half-lit hut. “So what do we need to look for?”

 

Goku gave a few coughs then shook his head to get rid of the dust in his hair. “She said there should be some bottles with holy water and a few amulets that'll help us to fight all those spirits and stuff.”

 

XXXXX

 

“I'm gonna kill that bitch,” Vegeta said three hours later while digging a hole under a rotten table in the middle of the hut. “Where the fuck did she put them?!”

 

Vegeta was scratching his head. Goku had noticed it several hours ago, and once he had noticed it the first time, he automatically noticed all the other times that Vegeta touched his head. Finally, after the prince scratched his head for the hundredth time, it was the last straw.

 

“Vegeta, you have lice.”

 

Vegeta, who was currently widening the hole under the table and threatening to say hello to the other side of the world, didn't react at first. But then he frowned at the sand around him. Might be, he thought, while scratching his head. Then he cursed loudly, “Just fucking unbelievable!” He slammed the shovel to the ground. “I have lice! I haven't had them since the damned war with Frieza!”

 

Goku sat down on the edge of the hole to look at Vegeta. “Well it serves you right!” he snickered. The next second, the shovel that smashed into his teeth, tossed him flat onto his back.

 

“I can tell you one thing that I know for sure,” Vegeta hissed down at him after he had climbed out of the hole. “There aren't any fucking bottles here!” He stepped over the broken shovel and turned to the exit.

 

From the ground, Goku glared at him. “Let's look outside the house.”

 

After circling the house and coming back to the missing door, they noticed an old dusty box standing right at the entrance. Without saying a word or commenting on how they had missed it before, Goku and Vegeta squatted down to look at the contents.

 

“I wonder…” Goku muttered after opening the box. He lifted one of the multicolored bottles out to read its label. “Nine Roses. Want soft and smooth skin? Nine Roses will return your fading youth right after the first try. What the hell?” Goku looked at Vegeta. “Baba's cosmetics?”

 

Shrugging, Vegeta took out another bottle. “Gentle Breeze,” he read. “A fragrance your man will adore,” he added. “For some reason I feel as if I were digging through someone's underwear drawer,” he said thoughtfully. “Makes me feel…weird.”

 

“Same here,” Goku agreed mournfully. “Oh, this is more like it,” he said, raising a bottle whose contents were swirling and shining with bright colors. The two of them stared at the swirling liquid then Vegeta lowered his head.

 

“Interesting,” he muttered. “Anything for lice?” he wondered out loud, ransacking through the contents. “What about this?” he pointed at an amulet in the box.

 

“It's real ugly,” Goku said, observing a small circle made out of straw and tied up with a thin rope.

 

“The uglier the better - might just work,” Vegeta said, lifting the amulet out of the box and swinging it around his neck. “Will make a nice combination with my dirty fighting suit and lice.”

 

“Hey, what about me?!”

 

“You are a walking circus on your own. Besides, you have the funny bottle,” Vegeta pointed at Goku's hand. “And that packet the Woman gave you.”

 

“Fine,” Goku gave in with a sigh. He took a last look at the contents of the box then reached into it. “Here, there's something transparent in this bottle too.” He glared at Vegeta who snatched the bottle right out of his hand and, while giving him an innocent look, stuck it behind his belt.

 

“I suppose we can ignore the rest,” Goku said resignedly. He raised his head to look at the sky. “It's getting dark for some reason. Let's build the house here and rest.”

 

“You sure are an idiot. It's a sandstorm,” Vegeta informed him.

 

“Oh. Stop calling me names, Vegeta. Why the hell do you do that?”

 

“I like it - it makes it more intense.”

 

“Makes what more intense?” Goku inquired, looking at the dreadful sky.

 

“Our rela- I don't want to talk about it,” Vegeta said abruptly while scratching his head. “Ha!” he yelled suddenly, pulling his hand out of his hair. “Got you! Death sentence to you! Die! Die, you overgrown bloodsucking bitch!”

 

“Vegeta, it's dead already!” Goku tried convincing Vegeta five minutes later to stop mincing the louse between his fingers.

 

“You disgusting parasite! How dare you?! How dare you suck my royal blood?! Do you know who I am?! I am the Prince of all Saiyans!”

 

“Oh gods,” Goku slapped himself on the forehead. “Doctor Doolittle…just great.” (Personally Goku always found himself uncomfortable in situations where people seemed to imitate some of his stupidity.) Then his attention suddenly got caught by a familiar motion that Vegeta made with his hands. No good, Goku thought, his eyes almost rolling out of his head in distress.

 

“Final Flash, you bitch!”

 

XXXXX

 

If one didn't count the fast moving blankets of almost black clouds in the sky and the rising wind whose intensity was increasing with every passing second, it was calm. As far as the eye could see, there was only sand everywhere. There was no sign of the hut that had previously stood there, except for a pile of bits and pieces that were still smoking a little.

 

A few seconds later the rubble moved. A hand poked out of the pile then it was followed by a spiky head. Coughing, Goku dug himself out. He patted himself on the head to make sure he hadn't lost that precious piece of equipment he'd been doing his thinking with. He turned to look to his side where the sand moved. Vegeta soon crawled out of the sand. Dazed, he looked at Goku.

 

“Did I kill it?”

 

Goku roared at him. “Ka-me-ha-me-ha!”

 

XXXXX

 

It was half-light in the house, the sandstorm was seething outside and Goku was worrying about a lot of things. First of all, it didn't seem that the sandstorm would let up anytime soon, and, around the hole in the wall, where they had pushed a huge chest of drawers, there was a pile of sand accumulating in the kitchen. Secondly, and on a related note, he worried that the sandstorm might bury them alive. Thirdly, Vegeta's nose had finally stopped bleeding but he still stubbornly refused to put on any shirt or at least a new fighting-suit, demanding Goku first pay for the torn one. Fourth, he didn't want to get Vegeta's lice which seemed to have gotten extremely vicious after being antagonized by Vegeta, who tried to get rid of them using five-month-old mayonnaise that he had found in the fridge. Fifth, there was a really bad smell in the house and the air conditioning didn't work.

 

“Vegeta, will you stop that?!”

 

“It wasn't me.”

 

Goku felt like bashing his head into the wall. “There are only two of us and one of us has just farted! I know it wasn't me!”

 

“How the hell can I stop it?! Do you want me to explode?!”

 

“Oh gods,” Goku groaned after another stench attack. “What the hell did you eat?!”

 

“Fish preserves! I told you they weren't any good!” Vegeta growled suddenly and stuck both his hands into his hair to scratch his head furiously.

 

“It serves you right!” Goku snarled.

 

“One day I'll kill you. Seriously.”

 

Goku snickered. Watching Vegeta try to scratch his head off was satisfying, so he restrained himself from further comments which might have induced the end of such a delightful activity.

 

After spending half an hour watching Vegeta go crazy, he finally decided to go to sleep.

 

XXXXX

 

The next morning didn't resemble a morning at all: it was dark in the capsule house, the same as it had been before they went to sleep. Yawning, Goku shifted in the bed, stretched his arms above his head, then scratched the parts that needed a morning scratch and got up. Gropingly, he found his way to the corridor to turn the generator on then went to bathroom and scratched those parts again. After getting to the kitchen, wading through the sand for about ten minutes and finally reaching the fridge, he scratched his precious parts once more. When he felt the need to scratch himself a fourth time while he was munching on a sandwich, he realized there was something wrong with him.

 

Vegeta's brow curved at Goku who was squirming nonstop. The malicious grin that suddenly appeared on Vegeta's face made Goku frown. “Crabs! You've got crabs! Hahahaha! Loser!” The prince's face sobered quickly, though. “Hey… But where the heck did you get them? Is it your harpy?!” Vegeta's eyes widened suddenly. “Or… Don't tell me you went after that freakish pink Ice-jin thing…”

 

“Are you nuts?!” Goku choked out while trying to peel Vegeta's hands off his throat. “It must be some kind of curse! It has to be! You blew up the damn hut! Do you think witches forgive such things easily?!”

 

Vegeta stared at him then tightened his grip. “Hmm… But that witch is back at Yamcha's place. How would she even know her hut's been destroyed? Do you think I'm that stupid?! Do you?!” he roared.

 

“She does have the crystal ball, doesn't she?!”

 

Vegeta blinked. “Oh.” He let go of Goku's throat. “But I still don't get why you're the one she's punishing.”

 

“She missed. She just missed the target. Alright?” Goku rasped out while rubbing his throat.

 

Vegeta scratched his head then shrugged. Behind his back, Goku scowled. Chichi was going to get it for this.

 

TBC

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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