Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Underlying Conspiracy ❯ Part 6 ( Chapter 6 )

Disclaimer: I don't own DBZ. I'm not making any money.

Warnings: Yaoi (male x male), Goku/Vegeta

Summary: Earth is in danger again, and Goku with Vegeta go on a mission to save it. While carrying the mission out they discover the truth about themselves, the anime and the entire fandom.

A/N: Thanks to achillona for conversations and support!

 

Underlying Conspiracy

 

by chayron (lttomb@yahoo.com), beta-read by Veronica

 

Part 6

 

It took about an hour for them to dig Goku's house out from under the sand. The entire time Vegeta was trying to pretend that he didn't remember his outburst or know that it had happened at all. Any other normal man would have hit him or at least asked why he had suddenly attacked his throat while roaring in jealousy about Kakarott getting crabs from his wife. It is very good that Kakarott is not normal, Vegeta thought.

 

Goku was thinking about other things. The ones he was constantly scratching. There was also that random thought about getting back home and shaving Chichi bald, but this notion was a fleeting one.

 

“It's hot,” Goku brushed over his sweaty forehead. He stopped digging.

 

“So I have noticed,” Vegeta muttered. Following Goku's example, the prince leaned on his shovel. He scratched his head. With interest, he watched Goku squirm. “Don't mind me, give it a good scratch,” he grinned.

 

Goku glared at him. “Like a damn child,” he spat.

 

Vegeta shrugged. He doubted a child would be so interested in Kakarott's privates anyway. Sighing, he took the shovel back in his hands and continued digging. “Hurry up. I want this done by the end of the day.”

 

Goku rolled his eyes.

 

When they finally dug most of the sand out of the house, they capsulated it. True, Vegeta had wanted to take a shower but Goku vetoed him. Vegeta thought that the crabs Goku had might not give up their comfortable living space so easily.

 

Anyways, to cut all that non-bathing and already boring scratching thing short, they continued their journey towards Giza. Keeping a leisurely pace, a few hours later, they saw the Great Pyramid of Giza from afar.

 

“Why are there so many people?” Vegeta muttered while the two of them were floating above the Sphinx a few hours later. They were keeping a distance so as not to be seen.

 

Goku shrugged. “Tourists.”

 

“Well, we can't land now.”

 

“Yeah, let's wait until it gets dark.”

 

They turned around and landed much farther away, where there was not a living soul around.

 

“Well?” Vegeta dug into the yellow sand with his boot. He was really annoyed at the thought of having to wait here for a few hours. He already knew that he'd seen enough sand to last him a lifetime. That damn flower had better be somewhere near.

 

“We can just walk towards it…” Goku suggested tentatively.

 

Vegeta glared at him wordlessly then pointed at Goku's pocket. “Build the house. I'll take a nap.”

 

Once inside, Vegeta rushed into the shower. Goku meanwhile sped into the kitchen and busied himself in the refrigerator.

 

After coming back from the bathroom, Vegeta went into the kitchen. He gave a look at the table where Goku had made lunch. Goku was sitting down to his meal. A plate with tuna that had just been shaken out of a can lay in front of him. He had a knife and fork in his hands. Vegeta turned to look at the other side of the table where another plate of tuna stood readied for him. His eyes slid back to the middle of the table where ten more cans lay yet unopened. What the hell…?

 

“What's with the tuna, Kakarott? Is there no other food left in the world or something?”

 

Goku gave Vegeta a sheepish smile. “Well, meat is sort of…”

 

“Hn. Trying to be one of those green peas again? Well, whatever, it's not that I mind, but I must warn you that you might suffocate later.”

 

Goku rolled his eyes.

 

Vegeta went to sleep after lunch. Goku decided to follow his example.

 

oOoOo_Inside Vegeta's overly happy mind_oOoOo

 

“Kakarott, let's spar.”

 

“Hmm? You sure? It's really hot in here.”

 

Vegeta turned to Goku who had a huge fan in his hand and was fanning himself. Right. They were in the middle of the desert, but still…

 

“Trying to put on a show?”

 

“Isn't that what you usually want me to do?” Goku purred seductively while striking a sexy pose and tracing the fan over his body provocatively. He raised his hand to loosen the buttons on his shirt near the collar.

 

Vegeta watched the show for a minute. “What's with the clothes today? It doesn't suit you.”

 

Goku smiled. “Really? I like them. They do highlight the advantages of my body, don't you think?” He smacked himself on the backside. “Especially these tight jeans. Aren't you in the mood today?” He winked.

 

“Hmm… There is a weird taste in my mouth. Something's fishy. Let's just spar today.”

 

“Alright,” Goku sighed giving in. His eyes then went up to a lone bush near them. “Oh look, the newbie showed up again.”

 

Vegeta turned to look at the bush. Another Kakarott. The one who had previously been chasing some rice bowl. That was rich. Vegeta grinned. It seemed his luck was still on the upswing.

 

“Hello, Kakarott.”

 

“Eeep,” managed Goku No. 1. “He-hello.” He waved his hand. Nervously, he looked at Goku No. 2.

 

“Oh, don't be shy,” Goku No. 2 grinned at him. “We'll take a good care of you,” he winked while blowing him an air kiss.

 

“Heh-hah-heh.” Goku No. 1 scratched his head. He looked over to Vegeta whose eyes were telling him that it was indeed true.

 

“I love threesomes,” Vegeta said.

 

“Eeep?”

 

Vegeta nodded. “Really. Brolly/Me/Nappa; Me/Brolly/Radditz; Radditz/Nappa/Me; Frieza/Me/Cooler; Bardock/Me/Kakarott; Piccolo/Me/Kakarott; Cell/Me/Gohan. And tentacles, many tentacles. You name it.”

 

Vegeta blinked at the place in front of him where Goku No. 1 had just disappeared into thin air. “Huh?”

 

“He ran away.” Goku No. 2 burst out laughing. “I told you your preferences aren't something a sane person can stomach!”

 

Vegeta's head snapped to him. “Shut your trap! It's them, they, the…” he looked around carefully, “…the AUTHORS,” he whispered. “I'm not even gay to begin with!”

 

“Oh? That's news to me.” Goku No. 2 grinned at him.

 

“This has got nothing to do with that!”

 

“Oh really? So it doesn't have anything to do with me being in your head? Naked?”

 

“I'm not gay! I'm a Saiyan! All of us are like that! It's not gay… It's… It's a racial trait! Yes! Do you even know that I can bear babies?”

 

“Haaah,” Goku No. 2 exhaled slowly. He scratched his spiky head. “I don't think Goku will believe that. In fact, I don't think you need to mention it at all. You'll just freak him out.”

 

“I know that, goddamit!” Vegeta snapped. “It's not because of that! I just…” he blushed. “I just think sometimes… That really, it's just so cute…all those little copies of me and him that we could make… Awww….” He shivered excitedly. “Cute! Definitely cute! I want a baby!”

 

“You do understand that there's a butt involved in the process?” Goku No. 2 asked carefully.

 

“Gah! Will you shut up?! I don't wanna hear it! Lalalalalalala,” Vegeta closed his ears with his hands. “Crap doesn't exist. Flowers, flowers, many flowers! Gotta catch the fool first anyway!”

 

“Good luck!” Goku No. 2 waved at Vegeta who was speeding away after his twin. Goku No. 2 smiled brightly before slowly disappearing into thin air, leaving the other Goku the only player in the dream.

 

Goku noticed that Vegeta was fast. Incredibly fast. Why the hell was the perverted bastard so fast?! So fast that he managed to only blink before he was tied up.

 

“Sooo…” Vegeta drawled while circling the tree to whose base Goku was tied. “Did you actually think you could escape from me?”

 

Goku nodded. “I wouldn't have run otherwise,” he pointed out.

 

Vegeta scratched his chin. “You seem to be getting smarter and smarter… Kinda makes me worried.”

 

Goku glared at him. “You on the other hand seem to be getting…weirder. And more perverted,” he added.

 

“Well, having your planet blown up, then having a difficult childhood with Frieza constantly raping you can do that to a person,” Vegeta agreed.

 

Goku's brows crossed. “What are you talking about?”

 

“I'm not sure. But this is what…” Vegeta looked around carefully, “…what THEY say,” he leaned to whisper into Goku's ear.

 

“They?”

 

“No. THEY.”

 

“Oh, THEY!” he muttered after a minute. He wondered if he was thinking about the right THEM. “Well that must be very hard on you. But how the hell did they arrive at this conclusion?”

 

Vegeta shrugged. “It's all about drama. And sex,” he added. “Especially sex.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“And let's end this topic. Criticizing has never done any good.”

 

“Well…” Goku drawled, ready to argue. Then he reconsidered and scratched his head. “Maturing did, though,” he concluded finally.

 

Goku No. 2 appeared from nowhere. “Well? Finally going to make him have your babies? You know, the audience is waiting…”

 

Vegeta hiccupped in distress. “Are you an idiot?”

 

“Well, people do call me that a lot.”

 

“Don't be such a cliché. Be gone, pest. It's my dream, I do what I want.”

 

“Are you so sure about it?” Giving Vegeta a look filled with pity, Goku No. 2 disappeared again.

 

“Bastard,” Vegeta muttered under his breath. “Alright,” he circled Goku who looked quite comfortable, leaning on the pole he was tied to.

 

“Alright what?” Goku inquired.

 

Vegeta scratched his head. “I'm not that sure. I mean I have you here. Tied.”

 

“And?”

 

“And…” Vegeta's forehead furrowed in concentration. “And that's about it,” he finished, worrying about his state of mind. “Actually why are you in my dream? I mean, it's you, right? The real one?”

 

Goku considered it. “Hmm…” he pursed his lips, then pinched himself a few times. “Yes,” he finally admitted. “I think it has something to do with Baba.”

 

“Why her?” Vegeta wondered.

 

“I don't know, I just have a feeling it's her doing.”

 

“Anyways, whatever the case is, let's agree on one thing,” Vegeta said.

 

“And what's that?”

 

“Neither of us will ever mention anything about this stupid dream. You know, dreams can't be controlled. It's not my fault that another Kakarott is running around naked. Half-naked, I mean,” he corrected himself.

 

Goku sighed in relief. “Agreed.”

 

XXXXX

 

“Idiots!” Baba screamed. “Idiots! I give them the perfect opportunity and they… They are idiots!”

 

“Agreed,” Yamcha endorsed. “I thought that at least Vegeta would be smarter.”

 

Baba sighed. She rubbed her crystal ball with her palms. “Alright, let's start working on another one.”

 

XXXXX

 

“Alright. Which brick was it again?” Vegeta wondered aloud while observing the insanely huge lion.

 

“Hmm… I believe the two hundred and sixty-seventh brick.”

 

Vegeta turned to look at him. “Whoa! You…” His mouth fell shut when Goku's fist swam into his vision. Vegeta frowned. Was he only imagining it or was Kakarott disciplining him? Besides, whatever it was, Kakarott seemed to be good at it. Was he going to turn into a dog or something?

 

Vegeta glared at Goku again. “Alright. Two hundred and sixty-seventh brick. From where?”

 

Goku blinked at him. “I don't really remember.”

 

Vegeta smiled. “Really?”

 

“Vegeta!”

 

The prince threw his arms about. “Oh, c'mon! The world will stop revolving if I can't even sneer or mock you! I have to maintain my badass image somehow!”

 

“Eh?”

 

“Never mind.”

 

“I don't really buy your tough-guy image,” Goku admitted after walking around the Sphinx for a few minutes. “I don't really think you are bad at all. Your exterior doesn't correspond with your interior. You just pretend that you are cold, you push everyone away because you are scared to attach yourself to someone. I think you're just afraid to be hurt.”

 

Vegeta had stopped walking and now was staring at Goku's mouth. Slowly, the prince's lips stretched into a killer smile. “Yes, I also love flowerbeds, have wings and play harp in my free time. I also pick up stray cats and keep them in my hair to warm them up. Oh, and I always cry during sex.”

 

Goku's eyes seemed to be close to popping out of his skull. “No shit?” he managed finally.

 

Vegeta, with the same blood-chilling facial expression, smiled wider. “Goddamit, Kakarott!” he burst out suddenly. “Do you really think that I'm some weepy emo?!”

 

“What's an `emo'?”

 

“Doesn't matter! What matters is that I would never do those things if THEY didn't make me do them!”

 

“`THEY'?” Goku repeated, his forehead furrowing while trying to make sense of what the prince was saying. “Are we talking about the same “THEY”?”

 

Vegeta looked around carefully. He leaned in to Goku. “Yes,” he whispered into Goku's ear, “'THEY', the authors.”

 

Goku startled. “Shhhhh!” he hissed. Paling visibly, he looked around with panic stricken eyes. He could still remember the last time he had been turned into a woman with a macho complex. There were also times when he could swear that some of “THEM” were trying to make him look like an absolute idiot.

 

“It's a forbidden topic,” Goku mumbled, hardly opening his mouth.

 

Vegeta nodded. “I know.”

 

“Here, look!” Goku exclaimed suddenly, reaching his hand out. “This…”

 

Vegeta's eyes shot to Goku's as the ground under their feet crumbled suddenly. “Kakarott, how many times do I have to tell you not to stick your hands everywhere?!” he yelled at the tall Saiyan.

 

“Eh. Sorry. Haaaaa!” Goku shrieked as the two of them tumbled into the newly opened hole.

 

“I'm gonna kill you, idiot!” Vegeta howled at Goku while they were falling down a dark tunnel. Down below the prince heard something hit the ground painfully. “Kakarott,” he asked while landing on his feet softly, “can it be that you forgot that you can fly?”

 

Vegeta heard an answering groan then, in the dim light coming through the hole in the ceiling, he saw Goku climbing to his feet. Sighing, Vegeta flared his ki to light up their surroundings. He looked up to the ceiling. High. He lowered his head. The two of them had fallen into a cavern of some sort. In front of them there was a quite narrow passage. It was pitch dark in there and it was not clear where it would lead but Vegeta had a very clear foreboding feeling that he was going to have to go in there. He suspected that it must also have something to do with “THEM”, especially with HER.

 

TBC

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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