Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Young Man's Heart ❯ Just To Feel Alive ( Chapter 8 )

~Satisfaction~
Now we finally reach the point of no return. And finally we come to the song that inspired me in the first place. This song is what sparked my muse. This song is the base stone of the entire story…no matter where it goes from here.
~Is Mine~

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Smile Empty Soul
"Bottom Of A Bottle"

Been scared and lonely
I've asked myself is something wrong with you
My girlfriend told me
I need some time alone to deal with issues

But something makes me carry on
It's difficult to understand
Why I always wanna fly

I do it for the drugs
I do it just to feel alive
I do it for the love
That I get from the bottom of a bottle

You always call me
And ask me how I make it through the day
I'm always fallin'
I guess it's just God's way of making me pay

But something makes me carry on
It's difficult to understand, why I always wanna fly

I do it for the drugs
I do it just to feel alive
I do it for the love
That I get from the bottom of a bottle
I do it for the drugs
I do it just to feel alive
I do it for the love
That I get from the bottom of a bottle

When I, I wonder why I try
And I, I wonder why I bother
And I, I wonder why I cry
Why I, I go through all this trouble

I do it for the drugs
I do it just to feel alive
I do it for the love
That I get from the bottom of a bottle
I do it for the drugs
I do it just to feel alive
I do it for the love
That I get from the bottom of a bottle

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Warnings - Drugs and alcohol, confusion, brain haze.

Characters - Gohan, random OC's.

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The couch was soft and he sank happily into it, breathing in Lian's familiar scent and feeling her slim arms curl around him. Another slim body pressed up against his legs on the long couch, warming him cozily as it snuggled close. With a sigh all his anxiety melted away and he fell immediately into dreamless sleep, sure that the darkness was, for once, friendly and safe.

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*Just To Feel Alive*

Warmth surrounded him like a loving blanket, warding off all discomfort and disturbance. Gohan could feel consciousness pushing it ever further away but he resolutely pulled it back and burrowed deeper, snuggling back into that dark warmth. He wasn't ready to go to work. He wanted to sleep…sleep all day if he could. He resolved to call in sick…in a few hours.

Sounds ruffled his slow trip back into unconsciousness and he frowned slightly, eyes still stubbornly closed. What…? He realized that his pillow felt different…and…it moved! He squeezed it in his hands slightly, his eyes cracking open just enough to identify the strangeness. It took about 8 seconds for his brain to access the information that his eyes and hands were sending to it and then another 5 seconds for it to initiate any sort of reaction. Then it took about 5 more seconds for his body to manage to execute that reaction. In total, the time it took from the instant he woke to the point where he was sitting up enough on the thickly carpeted floor to actually take in his surroundings and figure out where he was and why there was a pretty redhead pretending to be his pillow…numbered almost 30 seconds. That is half a minute to figure out that he was *not* at home in his bed and that he *wasn't* dreaming.

At 32 seconds he was gripping his poor shoulder and cussing in a most un-Son-like manner. It seemed that, in his sleep or possibly in his fall from the couch, he'd rolled onto his ruined shoulder and it was now punishing his inattention mercilessly. Horrible, sharp, stabbing pains were shooting down the length of his left side, not just his arm, but down his back as well. It hurt like hell.

Plus…there were people looking at him curiously.

"Dude, I've never had that reaction on a boy before." The redheaded girl on the couch giggled. "Usually they try to get closer, not further away."

Below her, laying stretched out at the foot of the couch, was some young guy with blond shaggy hair that fell over his eyes. If he had been so inclined at the time, Gohan might have wondered how he managed not to fall on the guy when he bucked off the couch. But he was much more preoccupied with the agony in his body at that moment.

"Dude." The blond muttered tiredly. "You're blocking the tv."

Gohan's head slowly swiveled to the tv on the wall behind him and then back to the group of people gathered on the couch and the floor and random chairs and laps around the room. He began to catch up with the world again and slowly scooted over as well as he could while trying desperately not to move his shoulder or arm. "Sorry." He muttered and was surprised at the rasp of his voice.

Suddenly a face appeared before his, smiling brightly, blond curls sparkling in the false light from the tv. "You were sleeping so soundly, Angel. I didn't want to wake you before. I think you needed the rest." Lian said apologetically, running her fingers through his ruffled spikes as if reassuring a little boy after a nightmare. "You okay, Angel?"

Gohan closed his eyes and sighed. He was hurting too much to be really worried about making a fool of himself in front of twenty strangers. It was common enough for that to happen anyway. "I'm…fine…" His voice was terribly hoarse. "I need…" But then he remembered and it felt like his stomach became a hollow hole. He didn't have what he needed. He'd left it at home. Lian had made him leave it. He needed to go home.

"Oh." Lian blinked at him, contemplating with those big blue eyes of hers. "Derek said that you didn't like the mints…" She looked thoughtful and then smiled again. "I know. I'll be right back." Then she whisked out of the room.

Gohan let his eyes fall closed again with a frustrated groan. He just needed to go home. He tried to gather his strength and, at length, got to his feet still clutching his arm close. He was about to enter the hallway when Lian appeared from the laundry room with a plastic cup in her hands. "Here, Angel. This will make it better. I bet it hurts, huh?"

Gohan hesitantly let go of his arm and took the glass, giving it a tentative sniff. It was water, but it smelled strange. Sort of sharp and bland at the same time. Lian chuckled at the sour expression on his face. "Go on, Angel. This is more like what you're used to. It will help."

Gohan nodded blandly to himself. It couldn't be worse than what he'd already endured and if it helped…it was worth it, right? He took a sip and grimaced. He didn't like the taste, but that really didn't matter. He tipped the cup up and gulped it all down in one go. He finally lowered the cup with a gasp and looked at Lian's amused face.

She laughed. "I was gonna say to drink it slow, but no worries. The faster the better, right?"

Gohan set the cup on a small table lining the hallway. "Right." He agreed softly.

Then she caught his good arm in hers and tugged him gently back into the dark room. "Come and watch the movie, Angel?" She pleaded.

Gohan resisted at first. "I should really…" But there was now an odd warm feeling in his stomach and his arm had finally calmed from the bump it had suffered. He decided that he could wait and see if the pain would ease. If it didn't, he could still leave. "Alright." He followed her to the couch which still had an open space where he had been curled. They sat, the redhead on his right and Lian on his left. Lian let him set his abused arm on her shoulders and leaned into him comfortably.

Gohan settled in and that numb feeling in his stomach began to spread to his limbs. It was…strange…but not bad. In fact, he wasn't drowsy at all anymore. Ten minutes later, the familiar features of young Derek appeared from the dark with two plates balanced on his hands. "Dig in." He whispered as he passed the plates to Gohan and Lian and then settled himself on the ground between Gohan's knees, shoving the blond guy over to make room. Gohan did as he was told and fell to it ravenously. He hadn't been *really* hungry in a long time and the food was so good.

Full and comfortable and warm, Gohan could only sit through half the movie before he just couldn't sit still anymore. He thought he might twitch out of his skin if he didn't move soon. Surprisingly, it was Derek who took pity on his squirming. The youth turned around, gripping Gohan's thighs with a smirk. "Come on, man." He nearly dragged Gohan from the room by his good hand. "What's up, man? You're making *me* nervous." He asked once they reached the door.

Gohan shrugged lopsidedly and looked around the shadowed hallway with jittery interest. "Dunno… I'm just…" He paused because it wasn't something that he'd ever really dealt with before. Not something condoned in his family. Both his parents had always had something to occupy him with. This twitchy, fidgety, unsettled feeling was quite new to him. "I'm bored." He finally finished. "I need…to move…to…something! Anything." He admitted to the teen as he glanced around distractedly.

Derek laughed good heartedly and took some sort of homemade cigarette from his pocket, lighting it and taking a few shallow drags. He nodded his head and sighed deeply. "Sure thing, man. You should have said so. I know just the thing." He beckoned Gohan to follow him and they went upstairs. It wasn't until they opened the door at the top of the stairs that Gohan could finally hear the commotion that was only hinted at before through the vibrations in the ceiling of the house. Whoever soundproofed this house did a great job of it. The GameRoom was everything anyone could ever hope for and Gohan was delighted as Derek introduced him to it all.

Upstairs was a different crowd from downstairs. Here were the more athletic types. And the click-types. Downstairs there had been an air of comfortable, calm apathy. Here there was tension and competition. This was where the more gruff and tumble, opinionated people hung out. Of course…there were some who he had seen downstairs as well, like Gloria. She seemed to be able to fit in wherever she wanted. It wasn't exactly the sort of place that Gohan normally fit into, but he really didn't care about that right now. He just wanted to have some fun. To spend some energy. Energy he had way too much of all of a sudden.

And he did spend energy. From billiards to foosball to airhockey to videogames on a big screen tv to a miniature basketball court. There was even a portion of a corner that looked like it had been set up for wrestling, but Gohan had no interest in that. The night progressed in a blur of beer and laughter and such a feeling of happiness that Gohan couldn't ever remember knowing before. It went on and on, the smells of the people around him and the scents of food and alcohol and other acrid things that he couldn't possibly put a name to filling his head and making him dizzy. But he was having so much fun. Lian came and went with gifts of sweetly bitter drinks and the smoke that lay thick in the GameRoom smelled rather pleasant and calming to him and utterly cluttered his thoughts. He'd never had so much energy or been so at ease. It was…nice.

So very nice.

Food and drink and play and movies and music and warmth and cold and someone's arm around his waist to steady him long enough for him to take a tiny white pill the guy offered him and drink it down with a gulp of beer before throwing himself back into the rhythm again.

The throbbing was a distraction that was not at all pleasant. It was downright *unpleasant* and seemed so wrong. It didn't belong in his head, pounding his brains to jelly and making his body feel like a used rubber band and his mouth feel filled with sludge. He groaned swatted at the thing that had roused him to this awful state of being.

"Aaaaangellll…Come on, now, Angel. That's no way to say good morning."

Gohan mumbled something incoherent and tried to roll away from the voice but found he couldn't go far on the little futon. "Oh, Angel. Wakey wakey, it's time for breakfast. I made something niiiiice." The singsong voice was accompanied by a stroke that shocked Gohan out of his half slumber and into a sitting position. Derek grinned at him and ruffled Gohan's tail tip playfully before relinquishing it for a grip on Gohan's good arm. "Come on. I slaved away. Now you have to eat it."

Gohan groaned and flopped back down onto the futon. He was too wasted to worry about why his tail was out, he just curled it up behind him and toppled over. But he didn't fall far. The space he'd emptied only seconds before was now filled and he realized just why he hadn't been able to roll. There was someone else curled up behind him on the narrow bed, Gohan rubbed his face with his hands and gave another muffled groan. "…what…was I thinking…"

Arms wound themselves around his ribs and hoisted him up to his unsteady feet and held him close to keep him from toppling again. "Come on now, Angel. Once you get some food in you, you'll feel loads better."

Gohan doubted that fact very much, but now that he was awake he discovered that he was a little hungry and he didn't really *hurt* in any normal sense of the word. He thought that he might as well go along. Once he got home he could wallow in his bed in the dark for the rest of the weekend. Dutifully, he allowed himself to be led down the hallway to the kitchen. Once there, he dully acknowledged a number of other people in similar a similar state of "undead" shuffling around with mugs of strong smelling coffee or plates of food or just staring off into space as dumbly as Gohan found himself wishing to do.

There was one guy who seemed unbothered by the nights events and if Gohan and the others in the room had the energy, they might have resented him this. But, as it was, no one had that much energy. The guy did help to snap Gohan out of his zombie trance when he walked up and slid his arm around the demi's opposite side from where Derek lent his steadying hand and, with a bright grin, gave the base of Gohan's tail a healthy squeeze.

"Good morning, sunshine! Or should I say good afternoon? Was a hell of a night, Angel. You let us know when you're ready for another one." Then the guy was gone out of the kitchen and Gohan was left standing there on his tip-toes, his eyes wide open in shock. He had stiffened so much that he would have fallen over if Derek wasn't holding his waist.

He heard Derek chuckle beside him. "You always do that. It's great to watch, but you gotta loosen up, bud. It's just a tail. Half the people in this house wish they had a tail and a third of them actually pin on fake ones. You are the envy of everyone with your sleek, fluffy, *real* tail. I thought that we went over this last night." Then Derek slid his fingers down and stroked the base of the furry limb.

Gohan uttered a whimpering squeak and pulled away with a shudder. "…last night?" He was suddenly very curious about just why his tail was out…and why everyone seemed to be so interested in it…and he wanted to get it away from grasping fingers…that felt far too nice in his half dazed state. He reached back and shivered as his own fingers brushed the sensitive fur and felt…

'What the… What the hell happened last night???'

There was a hole neatly hemmed into the seat of his gi pants, fitted low so that his tail threaded comfortably through it at the base of his spine. 'When did *THAT* happen?!!'

"It's so cute! You always act like it's the first time every time!" Derek grinned at him and then went to fill up a plate of food for him.

Gohan sat heavily in a chair at the table, still in shock and unable to decide what he thought of any of this. …And very chagrined at the fact that he wasn't as bothered as he knew he should be.

"Lian'll be back from church in about a half hour so take your time eating. There isn't much else to do right now. Everyone's pretty blasted still." Derek said over his shoulder.

Gohan was staring down at the tabletop, his shock already wearing off. That statement didn't sound right. It took him a minute to figure out why. "Church? On Saturday?"

Derek brought a plate and set it in front of Gohan. "Hmm?" He looked up in confusion for a second. "No, silly, it's Sunday."

Gohan merely sat there with his jaw hanging and tried to wrap his numb mind around just *how* that was possible. He desperately searched his foggy memory for the entire day that seemed to have skipped out on him. Or maybe he'd skipped out on it. Whoever did the skipping…he'd been here for two days! 'No wonder I'm so out of it.' The thought definitely lacked a bit of energy.

And still he couldn't quite get around the numb dullness that pervaded his mind and body to really feel much about it. He really should care more, shouldn't he? Intellectually, he knew he should, but the concern just wasn't there. He looked down at the plate of food and blinked a few times under Derek's expectant gaze and then dutifully, mechanically began to eat. Huh. Now that he thought about it. He really was hungry. This…this wasn't so bad. No. It wasn't bad at all.

And a few minutes later when a girl that he was sure he hadn't met before sat down beside him, stole a bit of his eggs right off his plate, and then pulled his tail into her lap to coo and stroke it lovingly, he merely shivered and closed his eyes before continuing to eat. This wasn't so bad. It seemed that he'd made some friends.

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