Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Young Man's Heart ❯ I'm Starless ( Chapter 7 )

~Satisfaction~
Now we reach the point of no return, as does Gohan. This is where his decent truly begins. This is the first true step that will take him down that craggy cliff. From here, backing up becomes more and more difficult until it becomes impossible without some external force to help derail the tug of gravity.
~Is Mine~

Crossfade
"Starless"

If only you could watch me fall
I cannot feel it anymore
The soul you cut the soul you adore
Cannot feel you anymore
Cause you've run through me with the destructive force
I think somehow I gotta see it straight
I gotta get you out of me
But I cannot get through to you

See me I'm down and I get deeper with every breath
See me I'm over the edge farther with every step
See me I'm doen and I get deeper with every breath
Standing over the edge I'm taking my last breath

How I feel like I'm starless
I'm ready to fade now
And how I feel like I'm starless
I'm hopeless and grayed out
Somehow I feel like I'm starless
I'm ready to fade now
And now I feel like I'm starless
I'm ready to burn out

I can transcend you and mentally bend you
But I can't handle the shit that I'm into
I have been blinded and always reminded
Of the things I've wanted but I never could find
I am a part of a world that I hate I wish the
End would come faster my world's a disaster
Can't you see that I;m down and I'm drowning
And I can't keep my head above my wake

I gotta get you out of my veins
I gotta get you out of my blood
I gotta get you out of my scene
I gotta get you out of me

What I'm really trying hard to get down to words
Is the way I fit into this world
Things I survived pushed me to the darkeer side
Because of life as it was the life that was
Yours should've never been mine
But I never could take anymore of this
Cause I'm always gonna get down to the floor
It's a cold gun that I kiss
'Cause I cannot break anymore

Somehow I feel like I'm starless
I'm ready to fade now
That's how I feel when I'm starless
I'm hopeless and grayed out
Somehow I feel like I'm starless
I'm ready to burn out oh
Now I'm starless

-

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Lian shrugged. "How about I take you after work? We can stop at our places to change and head over."

"Ok. Cool."
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Warnings - Here's where it begins! Though it hasn't quite stepped up to the promised NC-17 yet. Drug abuse, sex and adult situations, hentai, and yaoi.

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*I'm Starless*

The rest of the afternoon seemed to crawl past. By the time five o'clock rolled around, Gohan was so absorbed in his meaningless, menial work that he never noticed until a soft hand settled on his good shoulder.

"Angel? You ready to go?"

He looked up in blank surprise before remembering the plans he'd agreed to earlier. Now that some time had gone by, he wasn't so sure about the party. Plus his meds had worn mostly away and he was actually feeling a slight nervousness about the whole thing. What good was he at a party anyway? He'd probably embarrass Lian.

"Um…yeah…" He stood up and picked up his jacket, the pocket rattling ever so slightly. "Um…are you sure you want me to go with you? I mean…"

She smiled and tugged him out of the little cubicle. "Yeah. I think you'll like it." She answered and turned, leading him away.

Gohan sighed quietly and withdrew two pills from his hidden bottle. He didn't like the growling feeling of butterflies in his stomach and he knew just what would take the edge off. He made a quick stop at the water cooler and then hurried to catch up with his officemate. 'And I don't *have* to socialize…she said so. It'll be fine.'

Outside the college office, Lian led Gohan toward the far dormitories. "I live on campus so it'll be real quick." She said over her shoulder as they made their way across the campus. Gohan followed dutifully, still unsure, but his insecurities were quickly melting away and he soon was almost looking forward to a night out. Lian led him to the second story of dormitory D, room 213. Gohan stayed respectfully at the door when she entered even though she left it wide open for him.

The girl was surprisingly quick. Gohan had only waited for about three minutes when she reappeared in a pair of torn and faded blue jeans and a baggy, light blue t-shirt. Gohan raised his eyebrows in surprise, but Lian didn't notice as she pulled her old suede jacket on. The look she had gone for did help reassure Gohan that this really was a laid back party. He was suddenly perfectly content.

"Alright! So, where do you live?" She asked, turning to look up at him with her bright blue eyes. They matched the t-shirt she was wearing which made her large, round eyes almost seem to glow.

"Uh…" Gohan pulled her door shut and they headed out of the dormitories. "I've got an apartment on Emerald Avenue. It's just a few blocks from here. I usually walk to work." He said this with some embarrassment. He didn't know if she'd be willing to take the near half hour walk."

She wasn't at all taken aback by it, though. "Oh, cool. That's only a few blocks from Hope Street." She smiled and started them off back across the campus and then up the street. "Hope is where we're going."

Gohan couldn't help but chuckle as he tried to keep up with her. They got to his apartment in what seemed like half the time it usually took. Lian was such good company and chattered so much that Gohan didn't even notice they were there until they had almost passed his building. He led her up the staircase to his apartment porch, glad that he'd been trying to keep his home clean the last few days. Lian entered the sparse apartment after him and looked around curiously while he headed to the bedroom to change. He figured that if Lian could go grunge, then there was no reason he couldn't as well. Gohan slipped out of his loafers and jeans and let his tail swing freely, trying to stretch out the tense muscles before he had to put it away again. He shrugged out of his button-up work shirt too. For comfort, he chose a pair of black gi pants. They were loose and didn't reveal as much as sweats did so he could relax about having his tail hidden beneath them. He also chose an older, gray, cotton button-up shirt. He had taken to wearing button-ups because they were so much easier to get his stiff, left arm into as opposed to a t-shirt. Last, he slipped on a pair of light tennis shoes. He liked them because they were flat and had thin soles, like the boots that he grew up training in, but they were much more "normal" and "accepted" than those boots. They felt pretty much the same to him so he had adapted.

He came out of the bedroom and saw the light on in the bathroom. He peeked in and saw that Lian was standing in front of the sink reading the labels of the other two large bottles.

"Uh…hi." Gohan said, letting her know that he was done.

She glanced over at him with a peculiar expression. "You know what you got here? These must have cost a fortune!"

Gohan glanced at the bottles and shrugged lopsidedly. He wasn't really worried about her seeing his pills anymore. Not Lian, at least. "Uh…not really." He squinted at the labels from where he was leaning on the door jam. "Do you know what they are?"

Lian laughed, shaking her head in disbelief at his nonchalance and concession of ignorance. "Well…" She picked up one bottle. "This one is sort of like a really strong tranquilizer. One that isn't prescribed all that often anymore unless someone really needs it. It's got some side effects." She smirked. "And there are *other* uses for it too, but it's kinda rare to find ever since the doctors started to get stingy and paranoid. Your doctor prescribed you Hydrocodone, an opiate. This big bottle here is called Phenobarbital, this is a really heavy duty barbiturate. There's some who'd pay through the nose for good stuff like this. I think this here would make your Hydrocodone seem like Pepto-Bismol." She smirked and squinted at the bottles. "And this is definitely a larger dosage than your prescription was."

She didn't elaborate on those "other uses", but put that bottle down and picked up the second one. "This one…" She also picked up Gohan's empty orange prescription bottle and compared the two. "Is pretty similar to your prescription here."

Gohan frowned, surprised. "The names are completely different…I checked…" He leaned in for a second look, just to make sure. He knew that they were different. But the sudden hope that she was right filled his head and made his stomach tighten strangely. "How can you tell?"

Lian smiled. "I've been on enough medication in my life to have picked up a thing or two. This is your everyday Vicodin, it's an opioid just like Hydrocodone but it's not a very large dosage."

She glanced at Gohan and laughed at the sudden gleam in his eyes as he stared between the three bottles, but his eyes inevitably strayed back to the Phenobarbital she'd spoken so highly of. "You mean you really didn't know what this was?"

Gohan shook his head in negation, eyes still fixed on the bottle of Pheno…Phenobar…whatever. He really had no idea what any of those names or terms meant. Would it really be better than his Hydrocodone? He wanted to take it out of her hands and find out. He was still afraid he'd be disappointed. "Um…" He paused, considering. "Do you know what that other one is?" He gestured behind him toward the living room where his coat lay abandoned.He

Lian shook her head in amazement. "You know, it's not bright to take stuff when you don't know what it is. But then again, who am I to talk, right? That stuff is called OxyContin or Roxycodone or something like that, I think. Anyway." She was beginning to look bored. "You ready? Let's go."

Gohan dragged his gaze from the bottles and forced himself to follow, chuckling happily as he walked away. He liked Lian more and more the longer she was around. Catching up his jacket, it was a simple gray windbreaker, he was about to step out the door when the blond stopped him with a hand on his chest. "You should leave that here unless you want to share it." Gohan stared at her serious face blankly and she poked his rattling pocket to help him decode her meaning.

"Wha…share?"

She nodded and reached into his pocket, taking the bottle and setting it on a tv tray. "Yes. Unless you wanna sell it or make plenty of friends…it stays here. Don't worry. I'll hook you up. We'll have fun. Come on." She took his hand and drew him out of the apartment. He didn't really listen to what she said, he was more preoccupied with staring longingly at his front door as she pulled him away.

His interest in this party suddenly took a huge nosedive.

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Gohan did take comfort in the fact that the place they went to was only three blocks away from his apartment. If he really had to, he could always slip home and come back before Lian ever missed him. In the meantime, though, he felt good and his double dose wasn't wearing off yet so he decided that he would not dwell on it just yet.

The house that they came to sat right on the middle of the short block that was Hope Street. It was a large, two story house and looked to have been a sorority house or something similar to that in the past. Now, it looked like it could use a paintjob and a carpenter. Lian took Gohan's hand and drew him up the old steps and across the large porch and walked right into the house, not bothering to knock.

Inside the entrance hall she looked through the doorway on the right into a large living room and Gohan looked over her shoulder. There were about fifteen people scattered around the room on chairs and sofas and the floor, all watching some movie on a small tv over the fireplace.

"Hey, guys!" Lian greeted cheerfully and a few people returned her greeting or waved. The rest merely glanced in her direction momentarily before soaking back into the movie. "This is my friend Angel. It's his first time here so be nice to him, ok?"

Gohan blushed and smiled when a number of people waved and greeted them and few actually cheered and whistled at him. None of them *really* paid that much attention. Then Lian turned and went to the opposite side of the entryway hall, bypassing the stairs that ran along one side of the hallway. They passed a huge table in that room which was loaded with snacks and veggie trays and bags of chips and cookies. Under the table were two coolers and stacks of soda boxes. The next room was the kitchen, from which wafted delicious aromas of cooking food. When they entered, however, the room was empty. Lian seemed disappointed but moved on to a hallway off to the right.

"If he's not cooking…he's probably in the back…" She said to no one in particular.

Gohan glanced around the house as she dragged him along. This certainly wasn't the kind of atmosphere he'd ever encountered at a party. It was dark and cool in the building and relatively silent aside from the raucous laughter he could hear coming from the first room where that group was laughing at whatever movie they were watching. Come to think of it, he didn't think there was anyone in that room who wasn't wearing black. But he hadn't looked that closely so he couldn't be sure. With his Saiyan ears, he could tell that there were a lot of people scattered throughout the house, especially upstairs where he could hear excited voices and banging of…a ball? A few balls…a game room. That's what it sounded like. There were too many random noises for him to make out anything in particular, but even with the slight noise, the place had a very soft, relaxed, calm, and quiet atmosphere. It was…comfortable.

Down the dark hall was an even darker room. From somewhere in the dark came the soft sound of heavy metal music turned down low. The vibration of the bass could almost be felt rather than heard. Lian stopped at the door, trying to see into the dark. "Derek?"

Gohan could see well enough to make out a small room with a small couch against the wall. On the couch…he couldn't make out how many people there were. At least four, all slumped over one another. He felt sorry for whoever was at the bottom. At the sound of Lian's voice, one of the shapes moved, rolling and shifting everyone else. There were soft murmurs of annoyance, but the others settled again quickly. A second later there was a *thump* as one of the bodies tipped out of the pile and onto the floor. It rolled and climbed to its feet and shuffled to peer out the door, eyes squinting against the soft light in the hall. "Hey, girl." Its deep voice rasped tiredly.

Lian beamed. "Derek, your food is still cooking!"

Derek blinked at her for a second and then his eyes lit up. "Oh! I forgot." He stepped out into the hallway and Lian backed up to make way. He wore a very tight black t-shirt that showed just how rail thin and bony Derek was. Gohan swore that he could almost see ribs through the cotton. The black clad, trim waist seemed to extend forever before impossibly baggy black pants snagged on what looked like Derek's hip bones.

Lian waved at Gohan. "Derek, this is my friend Angel, this is his first time here. Angel, this is my best bud in the world Derek. Isn't he cute?" Lian squeezed Derek's slim shoulders tight, causing the younger boy to blush sheepishly.

Derek waved shyly at Gohan. "Hey. This is my first year so I don't know everyone either." Then Derek stepped right up to Gohan and placed his hands on the demi's chest, catching Gohan completely by surprise. The top of the freshman's head was about level with Gohan's nose and he couldn't help but note the young man's scent with his surprised intake. He smelled…nice…familiar…very nice… Derek had very delicate, thin, warm fingers that Gohan could feel even through his shirt and the feel of them sliding on his chest derailed his consciousness from analyzing that oh so familiar scent. Drove it right from his mind.

"Uh…hi…"

Then Derek glared at him and turned to look at Lian. "You always have to introduce me to tall people, don't you?"

Lian laughed and pointed Derek toward the kitchen. "Come on, man, it's not my fault you're such a shorty."

Derek growled at her, but not unkindly, and quickly headed off to the kitchen. "Nice to meet you, Angel." He cast a last glance back at them and sent Gohan a mischievous wink which made the demi twitch sporadically.

Then Lian continued to lead him by the hand along the hallway where it turned. They passed a number of other rooms, some with closed doors, some dark like the first, and some with small groups talking or listening to music. Then they were standing in the foyer again, having gone full circle around the left side of the first floor. Lian stepped through an open doorway and into a large room that was relatively bare except for a large, extra long couch and a tv against the wall in front of it. The carpet was lush and thick and Gohan was positive that his shoes sank into it about an inch. There was no one in this room and it was dark. The only light came from the back wall which was made up of floor to ceiling windows and a sliding glass door. The light crept in around the edges of long, thick curtains that ran the length of the room.

At the end of the room they passed through a swinging door into what looked like a second kitchen at first, but Gohan realized it was a laundry room. In the center was a round table with stacks and stacks of plastic cups and a some large bottles. There were also three guys and one very tall, very…stacked woman with long curly black hair and hardly any clothing on at all.

The guys greeted them warmly and cheerfully, albeit a bit unsteadily, and offered up a beer from one of the kegs on the floor to both Lian and Gohan. The black haired woman's greeting was much cooler. Lian introduced Gohan as "Angel" again. Every time she did that it made him pause, but he didn't feel like saying anything. It was kinda cool and he was growing fond of the pet name. Anyway, he was feeling too relaxed to really think about it in any in-depth manner. The black haired woman took a large cup from one of the guys and sidled up to Gohan, her hips swaying in full exaggeration. She set the large cup in his hands but didn't stop advancing. No sooner did he have the beer in hand then he felt the rim of her short skirt and bare thighs pressed up against…*around* his own thigh. She smirked at him seductively, eyes level with his own and so…so…close... She smelled like she had bathed in some alcohol based perfume and it was so overwhelming that it made Gohan's sensitive nose want to purge itself. He tried to hold back. Lian just rolled her eyes at them. "Well hello to you too, Gloria. Nice to know you're in good form already. It's so early in the evening still."

Gloria hooked her arms around Gohan's uncomfortable shoulders and turned to smile nastily at Lian. "I'm always in good form, suger."

One of the men stepped up to Lian and kissed her on the lips before handing her a beer. "Hey, girl." It was a brief kiss and unmistakably friendly.

She smiled happily at him leaving Gohan wondering if this was how everyone was greeted around here or if she actually knew this guy…and whether Gloria was an exception. He couldn't smell anything but her perfume. Not even the beer in front of his nose!

The guy squeezed Lian with a hug around the waist and spoke in a relaxed, conversational tone. "Jake left a message for ya. He says he's got something for ya. Said he'll be waiting."

Lian's eyes widened. "Yeah? Cool, Randy. Thanks." She started to turn back to the door, evidently to go and find this "Jake", but the guys stopped her short.

"Hey now!" Randy yelled, a knowing smirk on his lips. "You know the rules! One down, one to go."

Lian laughed and rolled her eyes again. "Yeah, yeah, I know." She said, conceding to some inside joke that Gohan was clueless to.

To Gohan's surprise and everyone else's amusement, she turned up her glass of beer and chugged the contents down. By the time she had swallowed the last bit and gasped for air, Randy was there to take the empty cup and hand her another full one. She grinned at Gohan and waved at him. "I'm just gonna pop up and see Jake real quick. Make yourself at home. Be nice to Angel, guys. I'll be back in a few."

Then she was gone and Gohan was left to asphyxiate from Gloria's literally intoxicating stench.

"Hey, man."

Gohan turned his attention on Randy, still trying to politely extricate himself from Gloria's grasp. It wasn't working very well. Her long, clawed fingers seemed to have a mind of their own and they were causing mischief and mayhem and… 'gah! That was skin!' …had even worked their way under his shirt already.

Randy continued speaking, seemingly oblivious to Gloria's not so furtive movements. "So where do you know our Lian from?"

Gohan could only answer distractedly since Gloria was trying to monopolize his attention. Good Kami! The woman was leagues worse than Videl *or* Erasa…combined! "Uh…we…we work together…over at the…college."

"Oh." Randy offered. "Cool. Well welcome to Hope, Angel." He laughed at how red Gohan's face was turning. "Gloria, if you keep that up he won't have any blood left for you to suck."

Gloria grinned at him. "There's always enough left." Gohan squeaked stiffly.

The other guy laughed as well, finally allowing some interest to drift from his alcohol to something else in the room. "Dude…you ain't gonna be an angel for long with her around."

Gohan was getting kind of desperate now, for air and for breathing space in which to find air. "Um…heh…uh, is there…uh…a bathroom around here somewhere?"

Gloria ground up against his thigh again, drawing another strangled noise from the demi. "I'll show you, suger."

"Hey now. There's a rule that you gotta learn, Angel." Randy halted them with yet a wider grin. "One down, one to go. Whenever you enter the bar, you've gotta do it."

Even Gloria joined in with this despite her interest in *other* things. "Yeah, suger. Down the hatch. Let's see how well you can work those throat muscles." She giggled horribly.

Gohan glanced down at the *large* glass and gave a heavy sigh. His glass was much larger than Lian's had been for some reason. He didn't normally drink much at all, even at Videl's parties. Especially at those parties. But, it was a rule. Hell, why not? These people were weird but they were ok so far…excepting the chick grinding on his hip. She was getting annoying. He was willing to do anything to get out of here and a moment's space at this point. He knew that his meds must be wearing thin for him to be getting so annoyed. Without hesitation he tipped the drink back and listened as the group cheered him on. Vaguely, a thought flitted by as to whether it was wise to mix alcohol with his medication, but it exited his mind as he struggled not to choke on beer foam. The stuff didn't taste the greatest, but he knew that the faster it was gone, the less he'd have to taste it.

It seemed like the last of the stuff just refused to go down his throat and his lungs were aching for air, but finally the last swallow gave way and he gasped, dragging in a fresh load of perfume and being grateful for it. But the hoots and hollers were gratifying and he found himself grinning in spite of everything. That was…kind of cool…and Kami! The sudden rush he was getting!

"I think we have the makings of a new champion!" Randy said and high-fived his drinking buddy. "Just wait till the champion finds out!" Then Randy stuck another tall cup in Gohan's hands. "Go in peace, brother." He intoned with a grin. He didn't have to, though, because Gloria was already dragging a suddenly slightly unsteady Gohan out the door.

She pulled him through the dark den and into the back of the foyer hallway. There was a closed door at the end of the hall, beneath the stairs, just before it turned left to the rest of the house. "Here you are…" She leered at him. "Want any help?"

Gohan nearly shuddered. "Er…no." He opened the door and his eyes went wide. All brain matter that hadn't yet been invaded by beer foam went *sploosh* because there…on the bathroom sink…was an unknown man and woman, half naked and going at it like rabbits. It even took Gloria a second to catch up. But then she gave a delighted scowl.

"Greg!! How could you?! Having fun without me!!" Gloria shot Gohan an apologetic smile. "There's a bathroom upstairs, suger. I'm sure you'll find it." Then she disappeared into the bathroom. The last thing wide-eyed Gohan saw as the door shut again was three equally feral grins and a whole lot of bare skin.

Gohan backed away slowly and went back into the dark den. 'Holy…wow…' He took an absent minded drink while still marveling over the threesome that was going on just on the other side of the wall. The bitter taste of beer snapped him out of his dirty thoughts and he dropped onto the center of the couch. It was nice and quiet here, though Gohan's ears strained of their own accord for the muffled rhythmic sounds that he *knew* were probably blatantly clear in the hallway. He glanced over at the doorway and wall and gave a giddy chuckle, his eyes making out some shape in the gloom, a short distraction from the tightness of his gi pants as he tried to make it out…oh…there was a door. It was a sliding wooden door on this side of the wall. Nothing so mundane could quite drag his imagination from the threesome occurring only a room away. Kami…he *could* hear them, barely…someone in the bathroom had begun to scream… He wondered absently if the walls in the house had been soundproofed, the sounds were very muffled but still there. His left hand lay limp in his lap and…he just couldn't resist. His ears twitched and fingers followed suite, stroking softly while his imagination played a little too wildly with the sounds he could just barely hear. He took a deep breath, fingers stroking just a little firmer, caught up in the enfolding dark. His mouth went dry and he suppressed a raspy groan.

Then a figure appeared in the lighted doorway and Gohan almost choked, his left arm shooting away to grip innocently on the back of the couch as he buried his crimson flushed face in his cup, drinking desperately. Lian came into the room, her soft footsteps horribly loud despite how Gohan tried to pretend not to notice. 'It's dark! It's dark! She didn't see! No, she couldn't have seen. I'm being stupid. She can't see in the dark. Stop being stupid, Gohan!' He swore silently at himself for doing something so perverted, but nothing could dissuade the burn of embarrassment that had taken root in his bloodstream. How could he do something like that here in public?! He was *not* thinking straight… To make things worse, he realized that he had already downed half the huge cup of beer.

A small, light figure dropped on his right side and leaned right onto him, snuggling up. He lowered his cup slightly, peeking over the top at Lian's blond curls that were spilling on his shoulder. She was…*really* close…and he was *really* aware of his little…problem. He just hoped that she wasn't aware of it. She didn't seem to be. After a very tense moment he started to relax again. She hadn't seen.

Then another light figure settled on his left side, up close and under his arm which was wedged stiffly between the cushions and the back of the couch. Gohan's head snapped over to see Derek, squinting and smiling through the dark at him and carrying that vaguely familiar scent.

"Hi."

"Uh…hi." Gohan replied nervously.

The blond on his left roused herself and smiled up at him. "Sorry I took so long. I see you got rid of Gloria, bravo, she's clingier than a leech." She said dreamily. "I brought something for you."

Gohan did his best to adjust himself into a…more comfortable position without disturbing the two leaning on him. His heart finally slowed down enough for him to notice that his left arm was twanging badly. He had stretched it a little too far in his haste to look innocent.

"Yeah?" He replied as he gingerly un-wedged his arm and let it slide down from its uncomfortable perch. Unfortunately…that caused his arm to settle securely onto Derek's slim shoulders. The young man looked perfectly content and didn't seem like he was going to move in any way. Gohan expected the boy to disgruntled at the overly familiar position, but he didn't even seem to notice. After a second, the demi decided he was comfortable enough and let it go so long as Derek wasn't upset. His arm felt better when elevated like this anyway.

"Yeah." Surprisingly, it was Derek who answered and held up something small and white on his palm. Gohan looked at it dubiously.

Lian drew his attention again, offering further explanation. "You set it on your tongue and let it dissolve. It's mint flavored. It's new. Good stuff. Try it, Angel." She yawned and nuzzled her way under his arm, resting her head on his good shoulder.

Derek smiled at him, his teeth shining in the dark. "I prefer under the tongue. I think it works faster that way. It's not that strong. Mostly just fast and fun." He giggled and held the little white pill up in front of Gohan's lips.

The demi hesitated, unsure, but Lian offered no other opinions and both his arms were pretty much out of commission. Lian had brought it for him, mint…who was he to say no? He opened his mouth and Derek obligingly pressed the tablet beneath his tongue which stroked down over those thin fingers automatically. As he closed his mouth, he caught the tips of those fingers on his lips. They tasted of oregano and spices. Derek had been in the kitchen again, it seemed. It was a nice flavor and it reminded him that it was probably approaching dinnertime…but he could last a while longer. He hadn't been eating all that much lately anyway…and then spearmint overpowered the thought of food. Spearmint and a strange antiseptic sting…

Distracted by the odd sensation, he only vaguely noticed that Derek slid a mint under his own tongue and leaned back, his head laying on Gohan's scarred shoulder. He barely felt the weight, more interested in the strange, foaming, tingle under his tongue. Not much later, not long at all, Gohan gave a muffled grunt. His tongue felt thick and heavy and the feeling spread to the rest of him until his head fell back onto the couch cushions and he just stared blankly up at the ceiling. It seemed like he could see every dot and crack and blemish and his head lolled as he took them all in. Tiny,dull stars in the ceiling of the universe. They were cold and black against the white sky as if some apocalyptic hurricane had blown them all out. He found himself counting them all. He'd gotten to 337 when something began to edge its way into his conscious thought.

His eyes fell closed and he groaned quietly, his head lolling to the side again. Fingers. That's what he felt. Slender, warm fingers, tracing his chest. He was warm all over and relaxed…he felt like he couldn't ever dream of moving…even if he wanted to. He didn't want to. He was blissfully happy right where he was, warm and comfortable and unmoving. Those fingers felt very nice, moving randomly over his shirt. It was soothing and he began to slide into darkness with just those fingertips keeping him from falling all the way.

Eternity passed by with only those light touches to count time with. Thick breaths dropped from Gohan's lips, flowing heavily over his bare chest and onto the ground like a waterfall of smoky vapor. It swirled and coiled and draped over his muscles and skin, leaving whispered kisses and licks that dissipated lazily, though his breath remained.

Gohan's eyes cracked open and the dim ceiling came into view. His breath? That…that…that didn't make any sense. How could his breath look like smoke? He was dreaming. Yeah. He sighed softly. He could still feel it, though. He blinked slowly. Could still feel what? His eyes fell closed again and he groaned. It felt so good. Like… Oh. Like fingers. Yeah. That's what it was. He knew that. How dumb. Where had the smoke come from? Some imagination. Those fingers were stroking over his skin. They had started at his stomach, he still felt their ghostly caresses there even though they were now sliding over his collar bones and down his neck. …And there *was* breath…it brushed his skin warmly and pressed his shirt over his shoulder and paused…

Then he felt those fingertips trailing along ridges of thick scar tissue. They rubbed softly along stitching marks and circled the depressed hole near the balljoint. And then soft soft lips joined them, casting butterfly kisses over the sensitive and desensitized flesh.

Gohan finally rolled his head up and had to forcefully keep it from falling forward. 'Lian?' Blond curls spread over his shirt and bare chest like silk, but the small hand that lay over his right leg was limp. He could feel her deep, slow breaths on his skin. He could feel her heart beat, eratic…fast…no…that wasn't hers. "…mmm…" That was…his own heart beat. Fast…tense…but he felt so…heavy and slow…it was a…rather upsetting contradiction. If he wasn't so comfortable…it probably would have frightened him to feel his heart slamming in his chest like it was. It was a sickening feeling. As it was, he knew that that probably wasn't good…but he just couldn't find it in himself to worry about it. A hot tongue dragged its way down one of the scars on his shoulder and his head swung to the left, pulling back just before bumping into the short, black, spiky haired head that the tongue belonged to. A belated gasp pushed past Gohan's own heavy tongue as goosebumps rose on his skin in response to the cold left behind that hot caress.

"…Derek?"

The freshman turned up to look at him, his fingers still traveling softly over Gohan's wounded shoulder. "What happened, Angel?" He asked, his minty breath was warm on Gohan's cheek and their noses brushed gently.

"Uh…" At the thought of his injury, the images blurred past Gohan's eyes in living color and his straining heart rate seemed to triple horribly. His breaths sounded harsh in his ears and he blinked rapidly trying to make it all stop. 'Stop…stop…stop…oh kami…stop stopstopstop…' The cold saliva on his shoulder suddenly began to drip. It slid down his side in a crimson line as blood began to ooze from the hole that abruptly opened up in his shoulder again. "Oh…Kami…" He couldn't get any air…the room was suddenly stifling in its warmth. It was coming to get him. The dark was going to get him. His shoulder tore open in testament to his sins and in confession of guilt. Doom enclosed upon him, crushing him as the darkness reached out hot, hellish hands to pull him down into it…hands….hands…and…lips…lips pressing his…drawing on his…a tongue sliding against his gasping mouth… He whimpered as he was drawn away from horrible nightmares and back to reality by that clever kiss. He missed the touch terribly when it disappeared, but all he could do was rest his forehead against Derek's and gasp for air, his teary eyes clenched tightly shut.

"I'm sorry, Angel. It's ok. You're just fine. Everything's ok. Right?" The apologetic tone was clear in Derek's voice. "Everything's ok. Breathe. I didn't mean to upset you. Just concentrate on breathing. It'll pass. I promise. Just breathe."

Gohan shook his head, still resting against Derek's. His heart was still racing but he couldn't focus on it. He didn't want to. His chest hurt and his lips tingled and he was so confused and hot. Slowly his heaving chest began to slow and his lungs actually accepted the oxygen they were begging for. He would have fallen over if not for Derek's soft, but steady hands easing him to lean on the couch and supporting the back of his head. "Speak to me, Angel. Are you ok? Open your eyes. Talk to me."

Gohan obliged tiredly by opening his eyes and looking at Derek's concerned face. The teen smiled so brightly at him that it was infectious even while feeling as terrible as Gohan was at that moment. "I…don't feel so great…" The demi admitted softly.

Derek nodded, still smiling. "You're pretty hot too. I mean…" The teen blushed. "I mean you feel hot. Do you want some air? I can open a window."

Gohan looked over at the curtains and suddenly felt a queasy longing. "I…yeah…I want to go outside. Some fresh air…"

He tried to push up, but Lian was still laying half on him and he was stuck. Derek gently helped Gohan ease out from under her, setting a pillow under her head. She wasn't asleep, but she wasn't really paying them any attention either. She probably didn't even notice when they left. Derek helped steady Gohan as he stumbled to and out the sliding door. The evening air with its lit and glowing stars was cool and felt much better than that dark room to Gohan and he finally began to relax again, though he was still very hot.

Derek looked his flushed features over, still concerned. "You're really hot…but you aren't sweating…"

Gohan nodded absently, unable to keep his balance without the freshman to hold him steady. "I don't think that stuff agreed with me…" He rasped.

Derek looked around and spied the Jacuzzi sitting on the side of the porch. "I think we should get you cooled down. Come here."

Gohan didn't even think to resist when the shorter man led him to the tub and tossed back the cover. He just gripped the edge for balance when Derek set his hands on it. It took Gohan an extra minute to realize that the teen was helping him out of his clothes as well, but by the time the demi gained the presence of mind to argue, he had already been divested of his wardrobe. He had to admit that the cool water felt wonderful on his hot skin and he groaned loudly in appreciation as he slid into it. A moment later there was another splash as Derek joined him, smiling widely. "Now that's a sound I wouldn't mind hearing again." The younger man chuckled and put a steadying arm around Gohan's shoulders.

"I'll… I'll be fine…" Gohan tried to reassure him absently. "It…It should wear off…fast…" He hoped so, considering how his body was reacting. He frowned up at Derek, trying to gather his thoughts. "I don't like that stuff..."

He was right. Once he started to cool off, he began to feel much better. His pulse slowed and was almost back to normal after ten or fifteen minutes and he felt so much steadier. Whatever that minty stuff was, it did *not* agree with his Saiyan metabolism. The worst of it was past now. His body must have gone into overdrive to try and burn it out of him. Now, he had no energy left and his head lay on Derek's arm on the edge of the Jacuzzi. The young man was keeping himself occupied by absently playing with the demi's wet hair. It felt nice and was sending pleasant chills down Gohan's neck.

"So…feeling better, Angel?" The silence was finally broken.

Gohan just nodded without opening his eyes. He was so tired.

"Good. So…what's with the tail?"

Gohan's eyes snapped open and he jerked upright. 'Shit!!' He instantly realized that he was naked in the tub with Derek and everyone who would ever want to could see his tail. 'Shit!!' It instinctively curled into a knot behind him, trying to hide. Derek, however, realized he was about to run and grabbed hold of Gohan's waist, pulling him back.

"Hold on. It was just a question. Jeez, if you react like this every time I ask you something, then we'll never get to know each other, will we?" Derek dragged Gohan even closer than he had been, almost right into his skinny lap. "What's up with you, Angel? I'm not going to bite. I'm not into that sort of thing, myself.

Gohan gripped the edge of the tub, but he found that he just didn't have the strength to lever himself out of the younger man's grip. He stayed tense, trying to wriggle free for a moment, but the effort left him shaking as the last of his energy just seemed to drain away and he sagged against the wall of the Jacuzzi in defeat. How pathetic he was. How weak and stupid and worthless could he be to land himself in a situation where he was defenseless and all his secrets laid bare? His eyes slid shut and he wished dearly that his mouth would have done the same instead of emitting such a humiliating whimper.

"Shhhh." Derek's smooth face nuzzled into Gohan's bare throat and he whispered soft and calmly. "You really are new, aren't you?"

Gohan wasn't sure what that question entailed exactly. It seemed to mean something more to Derek. But it was true and Gohan was so tired and felt so weak and he realized that he had begun to shiver and he hated it and he just wanted to disappear. He just wanted to sink into the tub and drown himself. Just let go and slide under. He was too weak to save himself if he fell beneath the waters surface. But he merely nodded instead, giving in to the sustaining grip on his waist. He didn't care anymore. He was terrified and yet he didn't care at the same time. It was even more frightening than being so lethargic while his heart tried to explode as it had such a short time ago.

"Oh. I'm sorry. I didn't realize." Derek's voice was filled with patient repentance. "Everything's okay, Angel. You just had a bad trip, that's all. I thought you'd know that. It's all better now."

Gohan didn't respond but kept his eyes squeezed closed and his head pillowed on the lip of the tub. He felt like he should know what Derek was talking about but his brain just didn't want to make sense of it. He was fading. Fading into the dark and it was good. But a touch brought him back instantly. His eyes snapped open and a quietly shocked gasp burst out of his open mouth as fingers stroked his tail. They ruffled his thick fur causing the cold water to swirl through the loosened strands to tickle the skin beneath, sending violent shivers up his spine.

"I like it. I think it's pretty." Derek whispered, smiling against his throat. "I wish I had one."

Gohan was not ready for the feelings that erupted from what Derek was doing to his tail. That, above anything else, is what gave him enough energy to pull away and climb from the tub. He snatched up a towel and flung it around himself, as much for protection as to hide what he knew shouldn't be there. His tail…and the beginnings of arousal that had been influence by said offending limb. Jerkily, he snatched up his gi pants and tried to thrust his wet legs into the material.

Derek just watched at first, not offended at all by the demi's actions, then he too climbed from the tub. He stepped over and put a stabilizing hand on Gohan's shoulder as he struggled into his clothes and, truthfully, that was the only reason that the demi did not end up on the ground. Gohan could feel the younger man's shivers but he was too preoccupied with getting his pants up to his waist to spare it a thought. Finally accomplishing the feat, Gohan glanced back and saw goose bumps plain on Derek's white skin and…oh… He averted his eyes quickly. It seemed that he wasn't the only one who had been…adversely affected…in the water…

Derek picked up another towel and dried and dressed again, going about it in a much smoother fashion than Gohan who was having so much trouble because his clothing was sticking to his still wet skin. Regardless, Gohan managed to hide his dripping tail again, though it left a darker patch on his black pants where it wrapped around his thigh.

He stood there silently, clothed and hidden again, and the short lived burst of energy melted from him making his knees feel weak. An arm snaked through his and Derek was there again smiling up at him, looking slightly sad when Gohan stiffened. Derek didn't let go though. He merely steered Gohan back to the house with the suggestion of seeing how Lian was. Gohan went, his eyes drooping heavily, grateful for the assistance even if he was confused and not a little bit fearful of having the other man so close…though…he wasn't sure why he should feel that way. Derek had helped him. Derek was Lian's friend. He had made Gohan feel so much better when it had hurt so much and he smelled nice and his hands were so warm and…

Thoughts fragmented and floated away as Gohan entered the dark, warm room again. He was so tired. That stuff had been very bad and the best thing would be to sleep…sleep it off…yes…That's what he wanted. He didn't care that Derek was holding him anymore. His mind was already shutting itself down.

The couch was soft and he sank happily into it, breathing in Lian's familiar scent and feeling her slim arms curl around him. Another thin body pressed up against his legs on the long couch, warming him cozily as it snuggled close. With a sigh all his anxiety melted away and he fell immediately into dreamless sleep, sure that the darkness was, for once, friendly and safe.

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