Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Young Man's Heart ❯ Further Inside ( Chapter 11 )

~Watching You Descend ~

Holy crap. It's been a while! And in trying to get back into the swing of things, I discovered that chapter 6 was missing a whole section!! So that's been fixed if anyone reads these things. It was an integral part of the story! I'm going to try to finish this fic before I let it sit for so long again. I'll try my best. Hope you all will bear with me. I've got a new job where I should have the time to think about my writing more.

~I'm Hovering Instead ~

 

*Trust Company - Hover*

 

You take me down, further inside of me
Now I'm fading out, I can barely see
I hover

To see you leave again, it's over
And it kills me to watch you descend, to the end

Can't think straight
Shutting me out - closing me out
Are you trying - hurting
Taking me out - leaving me out
Keeps me struggling
You're leaving

You take me down, further inside of me
Now I'm fading out, I can barely see
I hover

to see you caving in, I'm undone
And to say it's the last time again
It's the end

Can't think straight
Shutting me out - closing me out
Are you trying - hurting
Taking me out - leaving me out
Keeps me struggling
I'm leaving

You take me down, further inside of me
Now I'm fading out, I can barely see
I hover

I'm watching you descend
I'm hovering instead
I'm watching you descend
I'm hovering instead

You take me down, further inside
Now I can see through you

You take me down, further inside of me
Now I'm fading out, I can barely see
I hover
I hover
I hover
I hover - again

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A warm hand touched his arm. “Come get some sleep, Angel.”

He let her draw him up to the couch and flopped down. Her small figure curled up next to him and he laid his left arm over her. Then his eyes fell closed again and he slept with the sweet taste of fig Vodka still on his tongue.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Characters - Cameos by Videl, Bulma, Vegeta. Also various original characters for plot furtherance.

 

Warnings - Minor character death, dark, suicide, drug and alcohol abuse, and of course cursing, angst, and depression.

 

 

~

*Further Inside*

~

 

 

It's a grim, hopeless, grumbly sort of misery that all too many and all too few ever really understand. It's the sort of feeling that…for those who do understand it…they know that no matter how terrible it feels it is something to crave and love and cherish. They cling to it and cannot fathom existence without this misery to ground them and offer them concrete, irrefutable proof of the solidarity of their own existence.

It's the only real proof they can get.

 

Those that do not understand this need cannot fathom such strained logic. These people are easily known by the singular and confused question which they never fail to ask.

“Why?”

 

Those that understand and feel the continuous destruction of their souls one moment at a time can only look on incredulously. Because there is no answer. There is only the reality of feeling…of needing… There are no words.

Only affects.

This existence does not require words, but the absence of thought.

They don't want to think.

Thinking is agony.

 

~

~

 

Lian was right. The pills were like candy now. He could barely feel anything from them. It was eleven in the morning and he had barely gotten any work done. He couldn't concentrate, he couldn't sit still, and his shoulder throbbed. It was that deep, thick throb that seemed to emanate from the very bone. Add to that how his eyelids kept drooping tiredly and how the numbers in front of him kept blurring and smudging…he just couldn't do it.

 

He just wanted to find someplace cool and quiet to lie down and sleep in. He couldn't help but be grateful that his shoulder hurt so much, contrary as that feeling was, because it made the ache between his temples feel dull in comparison. Otherwise he didn't think he could possibly withstand this suffering. Thankfully, Sofie had finally relented from her annoyingly invasive queries into his health. Her concern was so disgustingly sugary and so false feeling…he couldn't make himself feel bad for snapping at her earlier, even if he knew he should.

 

He sat in his cubicle with his head pillowed on one arm on the desk.
Adrift.

 

Not only was he in pain, but he also suffered from a horrifically deep seated mortification that continuously drew sobbing groans from him whenever he allowed his mind to wander far enough for the cause to take over his thoughts. The worst thing…or maybe it wasn't the worst thing…but it was one of the things that really bothered him…was that he couldn't even remember the guy's name anymore. He'd almost…and he didn't even remember who it was…he just remembered…that…he almost…and then…afterwards…and… He whimpered and covered his head with his other arm, ignoring the twang as his shoulder protested the contorted angle. If his mother only knew…or Videl…or anyone! God, if anyone ever knew what he was doing and what he had done and how much he liked doing it all and…and…what he really was…

 

He was such a loss. He was supposed to be so much better than he was. He was supposed to be so…so much more. He didn't even know. He couldn't even fathom what he was supposed to be. He was so far below any of it that he couldn't dream of really ever understanding what he was supposed to be. He once could. He once knew exactly what he should be. He was so good at pretending it. What happened? Where did he lose that? How did he lose it? How did it all fall down and crumble so thoroughly? What was he now?

 

He was nothing. Nothing. And yet…and yet…he was… He was almost relieved. He couldn't understand it. How could he, somewhere deep down inside, be happy to be such a lost fuckup? How could he be so conflicted that he was happy to know…to finally know…that he just couldn't do it? He was a failure. But at least he knew that he'd failed something that he couldn't possibly succeed at. He didn't fail because he hadn't tried hard enough. He was a failure because he just…wasn't capable. It was a weight off his shoulders…even while he wanted to cry for the death of his doomed charade.

 

The phone rang, once, twice, three times, echoing through his skull shrilly until his hand thumped heavily onto the receiver, lifting it to his ear as if it weighed a hundred pounds.

 

“…yes…hello…” His voice was thick and heavy and lodged stubbornly in his throat.

 

He kept his eyes closed when he recognized the sharp no-nonsense voice on the other end of the line, but his brow still furrowed in pain. He reined in the sudden impulse to hang up like any good boy would.

 

“Gohan?!” For a second Videl must have had trouble recognizing his voice. “Gohan! Bulma wants us at the Lewis building. Right now! I guess there's some kinda nutjob there and he's threatening people or something. She probably called the others, but it'll take them forever…”

 

He let her ramble on, having stopped listening after the first sentence. A horrible icy lump had lodged in his belly from the very first word.

“Videl…I'm at work…” `Kami, I sound so whiney,' he thought with embarrassment.

There was a pause as the woman went silent. It was only a short respite.

 

“Work? Work! You're at work?! Damn it Gohan, this is important! Bulma wouldn't have called us if it weren't really important!!”

 

He groaned into his arm as she started yelling. Again. It's always yelling with her… Plus…he really didn't want this. He dreaded it.

“Videl…I can't just leave… I've got work to fin…”

 

She wouldn't even let him finish his sentence, much less anything else.

“You're damn right you have work to do! And you're going to do it, Gohan! I've given you time! We've all given you time! But enough is enough. Get your ass out here and start doing something again! You haven't even gone on patrol for weeks! I've had to keep this city under control all by myself! Get your ass over there, Gohan! Bulma needs us!” The line went dead.

 

Throughout the woman's ranting, he'd begun to finally rouse. He sat up, constantly shot down every time he tried to speak, the cubicle filling with unintelligible words that were half uttered and then bitten off when not given enough room to form. His expression darkened more and more as Videl continued to talk over him, never listening. Not that she ever listened to him. No one listened to him! It's not like he ever had anything important to say! Why should anyone listen to him?

 

When the line went quiet, he sat there, staring at the receiver, his jaw worked silently and his face twisted into an odd contortion of pain and hurt and anger. When his throat did finally loosen enough, the sound that emerged was more like a shrill, angry sob than anything else and in his frustration he grabbed the phone base and flung it. He did not need this! Didn't need this!! And his headache…was now so much worse…Kami…make it stop… But he knew from experience that this wouldn't go away any time soon. None of this would go away.

 

Standing so sharply that his chair flipped onto its side, he stomped out of the office oblivious not only to the phone imbedded into the plaster wall, but to all the shocked eyes peeking at him over the multitude of cubicle walls as well. At the exit, Lian's worried voice kept him from attempting to tear the door off its hinges.

“Angel? What's wrong?”

 

He stopped stiffly and gritted his teeth, pausing to take a slow, heavy breath.

“Nothing! I have to go… I'll…see you later…”

 

Then he stepped out into the noonday light and immediately shielded his hyper sensitive eyes, endeavoring to suppress the urge to vomit as his delicate stomach knotted painfully with every step. Hadn't he sworn he'd never do this again? He had! Whether he was referring to the drinking or to the supposed superhero-ing he was being forced into, he couldn't be sure. He groaned softly. At any rate, he was almost sure that he'd decided the last time that it wasn't worth this horrible feeling. He really felt like shit. Shit on hot pavement that had been run over multiple times by a tractor-trailer.

 

He didn't want to go. But he went. Because that's what he was supposed to do and he always did as he was told. Like a puppy dog. Heel, boy! Good boy. He was pathetic, yes! He knew it. There was no surprise there.

 

He walked quickly, looking for someplace he could… He touched his wrist and abruptly stopped short. He didn't have it… He hadn't worn it since that catastrophe. He wasn't even sure what had happened to his “watch” after he'd accidentally let loose its bloody contents in his bedroom. He groaned again. Yet another thing… Did it really matter? He'd only fuck things up anyway. Stepping into an alley between buildings, he gathered his energy about himself with some difficulty. It was so hard to concentrate with his head feeling like it was going to split down the center. He made one last check to make sure no one was around…and then gathered his energy with only a little strain.

 

The flight was a short one. The Lewis building was one of many owned or sponsored by Capsule Corp. Bulma owned just about everything in town from computer factories to the hospital to even a portion of the college. The Lewis building was a large, multi story complex near the hospital and bordering the park. It was a combination daycare and pre-school for all the families employed by Capsule Corp. What could possibly be happening there?

 

Even with how quick the trip was, Gohan already felt fatigued by the time he touched down on the roof. Maybe he had been pushing himself too hard lately. He barely had the will to keep his flight steady and he even stumbled when he landed. He placed his hands against his temples with a quietly pained sound…damn, his head hurt… He paused for a moment trying to will away the horrible feeling of having congealed jelly smothering his brain, but it stubbornly refused to budge. Finally, he let his hands fall and moved to the roof entry of the building, trying to stretch his senses out enough find where Bulma might be and trying not to think too loudly at the same time.

 

~

~

 

Anguish

 

This is the beginning of desperation.

Anguish is love lost.

Anguish is a mind encased in selfish grief.

Anguish is lost chances and bad choices.

Anguish is a life without purpose or meaning.

 

Gary was in Anguish and it was Laurinda's fault.

That was all he could think as he stared at the woman screaming at him. It was all her fault! Why did she have to go and do this? She only made everything harder.

 

“You just want to ruin everything!” He clutched the crying little girl in his arms as he shouted back.

 

“Gary! You're scaring her! Just let her go! Just stop it!”

 

He only hugged the girl tighter, cupping the back of her head and shushing her tenderly before yelling back again. “Not me! You did this! This is your fault!”

 

Bulma stepped up beside Laurinda to confront Gary as a united front. “Look, Mr. Locke. I know that this is a delicate situation. We can talk this out. We can talk everything out. But please…we're all tense. Why don't we take this into a more private setting? Look at little Sarah. She's crying, Mr. Locke. She's scared to death. You don't want your daughter to be scared of you…”

 

Gary looked down at the girl in his arms with a pained sort of sorrow and whispered against the poor little girl's blond hair. “I'm sorry, honey… It's okay, baby. Don't cry…” He looked back up at Laurinda angrily. “She wouldn't have to go through this if you didn't make her! I won't let you take my baby away from me!”

 

He then began to back away from the women and toward the elevators behind him, ignoring all the people on the floor crowding in doorways along the hallway to watch. Bulma pointed accusingly at Gary as if she might stop him dead with her firm gaze.

“Oh no you don't! Vegeta! Don't you dare let him walk out of here!”

 

At that same moment a door at the far end of the hall slammed open to make way for the garishly helmeted figure of Saiyagirl in a strikingly foe stopping pose. It was a laughably serious looking pose…in that the striker of it was, in fact, completely serious.

 

Bulma glared at the heavily muscled Saiyajin who was leaning against a blank wall only a dozen feet away, a distinctly annoyed expression on his face. It was obvious that Vegeta completely loathed being here and that he had absolutely no intention of getting involved with such a pathetic scene. He was a warrior, not a peace keeper. What had the woman been thinking when she called him? She'd obviously been spoiled, having powerful men standing by supposedly idle! He was not her personal security system waiting to be called whenever she felt so inclined and he certainly wasn't some sort of human counselor or sitter. He didn't move an inch under her barked order. Bulma made a frustrated sound before giving up and looking past Vegeta to the costumed Videl.

“Saiyagirl! Don't let him take Laurinda's girl out of this building!”

 

Videl cast what might have been a withering glare if not for her helmet's obstruction at Vegeta and then leapt into a run, sprinting down the hallway toward the evil miscreant that was daring to abscond with this woman's innocent child! Obviously she disagreed with the heartless Saiyan. It was her self appointed business to right wrongs and safeguard the blameless and she intended to do exactly that, even if she had to do it all by herself. Where the hell was Gohan?! She threw herself into an impressively ridiculous pose, shouting her catch phrases about justice and virtue and so forth.

 

Unfortunately Gary had already pressed the button for the elevator doors to close.

 

~

~

 

Gohan stood there in a wretched daze, his gaze snapping up from the floor only when a shrill child's cries echoed through the open doors of the elevator. He looked up just in time to see an angry Bulma and masked Videl standing by a hysterical woman. As he blinked, the doors closed and he looked over at his new companion in the elevator. He was confused and still scatterbrained enough that he didn't react at all when the man pressed the button for the ground floor. The last thing he heard from beyond the closed doors was a muffled angry female voice.

“Gohan! Stop him!!”

 

Gary and Gohan stared at each other and the little girl cried harder.

 

“…Um…”

 

The red eyed father turned away from him, his attention taken up with hurriedly trying to calm his daughter. It wasn't until she quieted that he looked back at Gohan.

 

“What are you doing here, Angel?”

 

Gohan's eyes got even wider, not hiding his shock at all at yet again being recognized under that name. People from Hope really seemed to get around. It felt so odd hearing that name coming from someone other than Lian. “Uh…well…those were…my friends up there…”

 

Gary suddenly turned a suspicious glare on Gohan. “You're not going to try and stop me, Angel! You've got no right to keep my baby girl from me!”

 

Gohan held up placating hands, not wanting to fight with the desperate and angry parent. At all. He'd had enough of fighting with people who knew him. “Hey! I don't even know what's going on…um…” He searches his foggy aching memory for the man's name. His face was only vaguely familiar. …G…Gu…Gur… Greg! …no, not Greg. Greg was an asshole… Gr…Grrrr…Gurrryyy… Gary!! That was it!

“Gary?”

The distressed father relaxed a little when Gohan showed that he did indeed remember him.

“Gary… What is going on?”

 

Gary wiped at his eyes and sank down to cuddle the still sobbing little girl. “I'm sorry, sweetie. I didn't mean to scare you. Daddy was just upset…everything is gonna be okay. You'll see. Shhh.” The girl finally does quiet and he looks up at Gohan.

 

“My girlfriend says she wants full custody. She says she's moving away. She wants to take her out of the state! I won't let her take my little girl away!”

 

Gohan sank down as well, a knot rising in his throat at the sight of the anguished father and his upset daughter. Even though he didn't know Gary that well, he was pretty sure that the man was one of Lian and Derek's friends. That made him a nice guy. And for something like this to happen to him…it wasn't fair. He reached out, settling a hand on Gary's arm.

“I'm sorry.” He said softly. “But…Gary…you know that this won't help anything…”

 

Gary sobbed into his daughter's hair. “She…she said she's gonna prove I'm a deadbeat dad and they'll give her anything she wants. They always take the woman's side…”

 

Was this why Bulma called them? To help keep this father from his child? Kami…it wasn't right… He tried to swallow the lump in his throat and sighed.

“You know…you can't do it this way, Gary. They won't let you leave the building.” He felt so terrible saying that to the man. “You know she'll use this against you if she does go to court.”

 

Gary nodded miserably. “I didn't know what else to do…”

 

Gohan squeezed his arm and then, after a hesitation, leaned in and pulled the two into an uncertain hug. This close he could feel Gary shake, he was actually shaking. He was just as scared as his little girl. That knowledge made the bands on his chest tighten even more as he searched for what to say. He was supposed to help, to do something useful…but… What Bulma and Videl wanted? But he had to do something… “This is only going to make things worse for her…we…we'll think of something… I'll help you, okay?”

 

Gary accepted the embrace and nodded into Gohan's shoulder.

“…okay, Angel. …okay…”

 

The elevator doors opened to reveal a brightly colored, insect-oid Saiyagirl with a triumphant grin. “Gotcha, miscreant!”

Her jaw dropped when the image of the two men holding each other in what could only be described as an awkwardly emotional moment finally registered.

 

Gary wiped his eyes again and stood, hugging his girl a last time. “Come on, honey. I'm so sorry…go with this lady, she'll take you back to mommy.”

 

The little girl began to cry again, but this time she clung to her father fearfully. “Daddy! Please don't go, daddy! I wanna stay with you! I'll be good! I promise! Don't go away! I don't want to go away!”

 

Gary pressed her into Videl's arms. “It's okay, sweetie. I promise…everything will be okay… I'll see you later. I promise, okay?”

He turned away with his hand over his eyes, a severe frown dragging his lips downwards.

“Take me outa here, Angel…please? I…god…I can't handle this…”

 

“…Yeah…yeah, come on. We'll go.” Gohan curled an arm around Gary's shoulders, and guided him away. He didn't think he could handle this either. He felt so low, so terrible, and Gary looked so beaten.

 

Videl stood there stunned. “Hey! Gohan! Where the hell are you going?! He can't just walk out of here! And…did he just call you angel? Gohan! Gohan, come back here!”

 

Gohan cast an angry glare over his shoulder at Videl and ignored her commands “Back off!! Just fucking back off! I'm doing something useful and important! Just like you said! I hope you and Bulma are satisfied now!” He snarled back at her.

 

Bulma burst from another elevator just in time to hear Gohan's snappish retort. “Gohan? Hey, what's that supposed to mean? Hey! Get back here! He can't just leave! Hey!”

 

Vegeta stepped out of the elevator with much more dignity and watched the scene and the two males walking away with an unmoved and predictably uncaring expression, but when Bulma moved to go after them he finally spoke up.

“Leave it be, woman! You've meddled enough. Let the human's solve their own problems! And let him find his own way as well. The last thing any of us need is more of your screeching!”

Then he too turned and stalked away.

 

“And where do you think you're going?!” Bulma shouted at Vegeta's back.

 

The Saiyan just snorted as he continued away. “Back to what I was doing before you interrupted me for this nonsense. Training.”

 

Gohan wasn't sure why he felt so connected to Gary. It wasn't as if he even really remembered hanging out with him much at Hope. Maybe it was because they had expected him to help keep the man's daughter away from him. And he had, in a way. He wondered as he walked Gary away from all that, what might have happened if he had helped him get away instead of talking him out of trying to take the girl. It was obvious that Gary cared very much for the child even though he was so very young himself. It must have been hard for him to be a parent before he even started college. It wasn't fair to take away something he loved so much. It wasn't right.

 

He couldn't help but wonder what he would have done before all this. Everything had seemed simpler before, hadn't it? He wasn't sure. Maybe he just hadn't let himself think about it all so much. Would he have just blindly done as he was told? Did he really sound like Videl when he was Saiyaman? He hated that name even more now. It didn't stand for heroism and justice anymore, if it ever had. Now that alter ego only embodied all of his wasted efforts, all of his empty attempts to live up to a life that he wanted so badly and couldn't have. It was a foolish playact, trying desperately to grab for something that wasn't for him…and wasn't even real. It wasn't real. If this was justice and this was right…then everything he ever wanted to believe in…wasn't real.

 

They walked along in gloomy silence, letting their feet lead the way. Gohan was only vaguely surprised when he looked up to see the steps of Hope looming quietly in front of them. They walked up those stairs, wood creaking beneath their shoes with each purposeful step. It had been so long since he'd felt this feeling. As he walked up to the door, hand grasping the knob and turning it, pulling the aged portal open and following Gary into the quiet gloom and breathing in the air that was so very unique to Hope. He hadn't felt this in so long. So very long. He wasn't even sure what this feeling was, but it felt good and he could breathe. He could just breathe here without the fear of suffocating.

 

 

 

 

The carpet was rough and heavily trodden by years of sudo-fraternity life. It smelled of stale booze and smoke along with a myriad of other scents. He thought he could breathe those smells for eternity.

 

He couldn't be more content laying on that carpet, taking in those scents and staring blurrily up at the white ceiling. His ears were ringing and he felt the world spinning around him marvelously fast. So fast that it made him spill booze on himself when he tried to take a drink of…whatever it was the bottle contained. He couldn't taste it anymore. He could only feel the heat as it flowed down his throat and into his belly. After a few minutes he realized that Gary's voice was floating softly through the ringing.

 

“…dunno what I was thinking…must have been crazy…ain't got anythin'…really better off…it's better this way…”

 

Gohan rolled over to look at the equally intoxicated man sitting against the foot of the couch beside him. “Wuz that again?”

 

“I'm done. Done with it. There's nothin I can do…” Gary sounded so hopeless and tired. “…look at me…I got nothin to give `er… Nothin…nothin but problems…”

 

Gohan frowned and tried to steady his sight by pressing his hands to his temples. It didn't work very well, but it helped to block out everything except the bit of spinning world directly in front of him. “What'r'you talking about? Yourr girl? You're her dad.”

 

“She's got a new daddy.” Gary said in that same flat tired voice and just stared straight ahead for a long minute. Then he clumsily reached over and squeezed Gohan's good shoulder. “You're a good guy, Angel. You're a good friend, ya know that? You helped me an' my little girl out today…”

 

Gohan smiled uncertainly, not quite sure what Gary was talking about. “Naw…I'm just here. Thas' all. You're a good guy too.”

 

Gary shook his head unsteadily. “No…I'm not… I'm so fucked up. She's sright. An' I almost fucked up big time today too. I can't fuck up any more. I can't live with that. I can't fuck up my baby's life too… I jus'…can't… Laurie's right…I won't let it happen… They don't need me to screw things up for `em.”

 

Gary stood up and stumbled over to the door. Gohan tried to sit up, but that just made the room spin worse.

“…urg…Gary?”

 

The other man paused, looking back with shining, red rimmed eyes. “…yeah?”

 

“It'll be alright, Gary. It'll all be okay. …Promise.” Gohan assured him slurring-ly and slumped down again, one hand waving at the other man, index finger pointed to the sky as if making an irrefutable statement of fact before slumping along with the rest of him. “You…you should jus'…get some sleep, okay?”

 

Gary stood still for another moment. “Yeah. I know. …I will. …Thanks Angel.”

 

Then he was gone and Gohan squeezed his eyes closed and just…breathed. It was good to breathe. And it would all be alright…as soon as the world stopped spinning.

 

 

 

 

The world was still spinning, but much…more…slowly...and…

 

The world was pain.

 

That terrible pain that made it seem imperative to whisper and tread as softly and carefully as possible…because the slightest pin drop of sound or muscle spasm might cause your skull to explode.

 

This was Gohan's state as he shuffled slowly down the hall to the bathroom. He moved like a half decomposed zombie as he pushed into the bathroom and slumped onto the sink. There he leaned down, head stuck nearly inside the sink as he just tried to breathe through the nausea. At length he managed to turn on the faucet and even got some liquid down his throat. It wasn't until he leaned up again and wiped his face dry with a faded green towel that he happened to glance into the mirror.

 

What he saw so perplexed him that he just continued to stare for a full minute, brow furrowing. He turned slowly and still nearly fell, tripping over his own feet and barely catching himself on the rim of the tub. His unsteady knees thudded hollowly on the cold tile, but he couldn't feel them, his body was still too deadened by the alcohol it had been saturated with hours before.

 

He just stared, jaw slack, his mind too numb to comprehend what he was seeing.

 

Cautiously he reached out those last few inches and just…barely…touched a bare, pale shoulder with his fingertips. His whisper sounded too loud as it echoed back to him from the bath.

 

“…Gary…?”

 

“…Gary…wake up…”

 

Gary didn't wake up.

Gary was cold.

 

All Gohan could do was sit and stare at the man's slack features.

 

He looked so…lifeless…stripped to his shorts and soaking in a mere ten inches of water, long since cold. There was an empty orange prescription bottle laying frozen at the bottom of the tub between his feet.

 

Minutes ticked by like seconds and finally, face still as bland as when he had entered, Gohan reached down and grasped the neck of a bottle of Black Velvet that sat open beside the bathtub. Pushing up to his feet, he stumbled numbly out of the room.

 

~It's okay, sweetie. I promise…everything will be okay… I'll see you later. I promise, okay?~

~…Promise.~

 

So many promises.

Gary broke his promise.

Gohan broke his promise too.

 

 

 

It was Friday. That should have meant something. It didn't mean anything. Why should it mean something? Who should it mean anything to? To a child it meant the last day of school for the week. To some adults it meant a weekend away from work. To everyone else in the world…it was just another day in a string of meaningless repetition. If Friday were to mean anything, it was the embodiment of the deadline that Gohan was expected to make.

 

He made his deadline.

 

He got to work two and a half hours late. He plodded doggedly passed all his coworkers, ignoring their wide eyed curiosity and murmured whispers. He sat down in his cubicle and switched on his computer, not even noticing that his phone had already been replaced or the lighter patch of wall where a hole had been plastered over. He sat and he did his work and he finished it. Then he got up and he left again without a word to anyone. Not even Lian.

 

Because this was what life was.

Why fight it?

Who was he to say it should be different?

 

When he entered his musty little apartment, his answering machine promptly beeped at him, demanding his attention. It blinked 12 in bright red letters. Automatically he pressed the play button as he passed by.

 

The machine played out its messages in the background as he moved through the apartment, stripping off clothes he'd worn for three days in a row and tossing them on the floor.

 

Videl's annoyed voice came first wanting to know where the hell Gohan knew “a deadbeat like that from?” and why he had called Gohan angel. Then his mother's matter-of-fact, self assured words followed, in turn replaced by Videl's even harsher snapping which once again blared forth and were soon echoed by shakier, more worried utterances from his mom. Then there was Bulma's business-like tone as she explained that, since Gary seemed like a friend of his, he could pass on that Laurinda was willing to get together with him and a C.C. Lawyer and talk things over.

 

The next message was an irate sounding Videl again. A few more calls from Videl flowed forth, angry at being ignored and one more from Bulma asking that he call her back.

 

Gohan turned on the shower as the tape ended and stood leaning on the sink staring at his reflection in the mirror. Suddenly the phone rang, its shrill trill filling the apartment. He didn't move and the machine picked up on the fourth ring. His mother's hesitant voice filtered through the living room. ChiChi was never hesitant. The very sound of her uncertainty set Gohan's teeth on edge and suddenly made him irrationally angry as he listened.

 

“Gohan? Honey? You haven't called in a while. I've been worried. A mother is allowed to worry, you know. It's her prerogative. Call me, or better yet, why don't you come by and we can talk? We can have a nice long chat. I'll make you dinner. You haven't been eating enough…and…you didn't look well at all the last time we saw you… Come home and mommy will fix you up good as new. Promise! Okay, sweetie…?”

 

Gohan's numb expression turned darker and darker throughout the call and he snorted humorlessly when his mother suggested a “chat.” What sort of chat can you have with someone who never listens? As for eating…he didn't have an apatite. He didn't want food. He didn't want company. He didn't want to chat. And he sure as hell couldn't be fixed just like that.

 

“Fix me up good as new.” He whispered. They were first words he'd uttered that whole day and his voice sounded rough and rusty. “Fix me up good as new…” He growled and glared at his gaunt, haunted reflection.. A sneer twisted the reflection's lips. “Awe, you promise?” Mocking anger fairly dripped from his voice in oily trickles.

“You fucking promise?!”

 

The glass shattered, destroying the sickly, hateful visage, exploding around his fist and showering the sink and floor with glittering shards. It was rather pretty. It was just right. It was perfect. Exactly right for the situation, to watch the sparkling, blood flecked explosion shatter what had once been whole and flawless but was so very wrong. He scattered himself in a thousand pieces all over the room. He mHMade the chaos in his head real. It was perfect.

 

He stepped into the shower and watched as pink was washed from his scratched knuckles to swirl down the drain.

Swirling down the drain.

It was all swirling down the drain.

He felt like he was swirling down with it.

He stayed there a long time.

 

When he finally entered his bedroom, naked and dripping, he sat on the bed and silently picked a mirror shard out of the bottom of his foot. He stared at the blood that welled up and dripped to stain the carpet and he stared at the sliver of scarlet glass between his fingers. Beside him the phone rang. Once, twice, three times. He answered it with a flat, emotionless voice. Bulma greeted him cheerfully.

 

“Hey, Gohan! It's about time you got home. Don't you check your messages? I've been trying to reach you.”

 

She didn't seem troubled by the lack of response. She lived with Vegeta after all. She was probably used to that.

“So have you talked to your friend? As long as he behaves himself, I'm sure we can work something out that'll benefit everyone.”

 

As if she were an integral part of the situation. As if it was her kid and not just her employee. As if it was her life. As if any of this affected her in the least possible way.

 

“Gohan? You there?”

 

An answer finally rasped forth on rusty vocal cords.

“Gary is dead. You killed him. You and Laurinda. You killed him… And I helped you.”

 

Silence on the line.

 

“…Gohan…” She suddenly didn't sound so sure of herself.

 

“Do you know what the last thing he said was? The last thing he said to me?” Gohan's voice is still eerily unemotional. “He said I was a good friend. I told him it would be okay…and he said thanks.”

 

Silence. Time stood still. Even his heart seemed to pause in respect of the moment.

 

“He thanked me for killing him.”

 

Finally time resumed. Finally sound commenced. Finally she was speechless. Such a thing didn't happen often. Was it a victory? It felt so empty.

“Oh………Gohan…no……” Finally Bulma sounded sincerely sorrowful.

 

And it felt so very hollow.

 

“Leave me alone, Bulma.”

 

He hung up the phone and picked up his last untried pill bottle. He took eight at once, swallowing them without thought. That was the point after all. To not think anymore.

 

Rolling onto his back he stared at the ceiling and just concentrated on breathing.