Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Young Man's Heart ❯ Colors ( Chapter 13 )

It's okay if you break

Here's a short chapter. I'm slowly trying to get back into my groove. It's a bit lighter than things have been lately. Consider it a break while I work out exactly how things are going to progress. I now know the direction they will move in, just not how to get there. Thanks to all you guys for keeping with me for so long.

It's your life that's at stake

 

 

Blindside - Painting

 

The world you painted was new
The colors were so alive
Took a lie and made it true
A final touch and then right into the painting you dive

It's ok if you break
You'll see colors again
This is more than you can take
You'll see colors again
It's your life that's at stake
You'll see colors again
Don't you think it's my time, anytime soon

Whenever did it all happen
That one color after another seems to fade
Now the sky is carved with a coal pen
It's all gray despite the effort you made

How do you like your god now
Now that he is you
Does he feel dead somehow
And where does that leave you

It's ok if you break
You'll see colors again
This is more than you can take
You'll see colors again
It's your life that's at stake
You'll see colors again
Don't you think it's my time, anytime soon

 

 

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Gohan didn't know what to say, but when Tom hooked an arm with his he figured he really didn't have much option to decline. They were honestly inviting him...and he really wasn't in any hurry to go back to his apartment...so... "Well…I guess…sure…"
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Characters - Gohan. OC's Tom and Kris, Lian.

 

Warnings - Yaoi, m/m, alcohol and drug abuse.

 

 

Colors

 

 

It wasn't all that bad. It wasn't bad at all. It was actually really nice. Kris wasn't a bad cook, no matter how Tom teased and Gohan hadn't ever had…what was it? He couldn't remember what it was called…but it was a pretty electric blue. How the hell could you make a liquid turn electric blue? He supposed it was just one of those mysteries of life.

 

The apartment was much like his, only a little larger and with more windows. He was parked on the couch which had been vacated by somebody only hours ago, another roommate that Kris had shaken awake and shooed away so that the guy wouldn't be late to work. It turned out that Kris and Tom shared the place with a few other guys who worked night shifts. They said it kept the apartment from feeling crowded because there was usually only two people home at any given time.

 

By now Gohan was beginning to think that he was buzzed enough that he could possibly go home and feel relatively neutral about it. His head lolled on the back of the couch while badly dubbed kung fu sound affects blasted the dark living room and a new glass was put in his hand. He roused himself and peered at it incredulously before turning to Tom. “What is with you and neon colors? Where the hell do you find this stuff?”

 

This liquid was a bright green that almost seemed to glow. Tom grinned and held up his own mostly empty glass. “What? Me? Naw. I'm good with ordinary beer. This is Kris's thing.” He leaned in conspiratorially, as if Kris weren't sitting right on the other side of Gohan and couldn't hear. “Kris might seem all stiff and proper…but he's the biggest closet poofter ever!”

 

Tom was promptly smacked in the head with a pillow and fled for the kitchen before his roommate could find more ammunition, supposedly only to refill his glass. Gohan laughed and glanced at Kris who acted as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened at all. After a moment Kris finally returned the look.
“So, you like it?”

 

Gohan smirked and gazed into the bright liquid. “Sure. It's cool. It doesn't make my tongue all numb…”

 

“Heh, no? But it turns it different colors.” Kris laughed and stuck out his own tongue to wiggle it at Gohan. It was bright blue. He seemed to think better of the action and embarrassedly ran a hand through his black-dyed, spiky hair a second later.

 

Gohan laughed and reached over, not hesitating as he usually would. Hell, before the last few weeks, he wouldn't ever have tried to do such a thing, but after spending so much time around Lian and so many other relaxed people…he didn't even think twice about reaching over to touch Kris's black hair, twirling the stiff, bright blue tips between his fingers. “It matches your hair.”

 

Kris tilted his head as if he might be able to see the hand in his hair and shrugged his shoulders, the silver studs and loops on his gothic shirt clinking with the movement and drawing Gohan's bleary attention.

“I guess you guys like heavy metal, huh?” Gohan joked, referring to the chains and collars and spikes that the two roommates seemed to favor wearing. He'd never known any Goths before. There weren't any in the circles he'd grown up in. In fact, he'd been under the impression that there was something wrong with those sorts of people. What normal person wrote poems about death and dressed in black all the time and embraced the darkest, most depressing parts of life? Now… Now he thought he could understand at least some of it and he had come to realize that he really didn't know as much as he had always thought he did.

 

Kris shrugged again and looked away. “I like a lot of things. But I am kind of partial to screaming metal, yeah.” He smiled shyly and abruptly turned back to Gohan, reaching out to touch the demi's hair as well. “You know what color I can picture on you? I think you'd look awesome with orange tips...”

 

Gohan blinked and tried to imagine that, blanching slightly when he thought of what everyone would say if he were to do something like that. They'd be so shocked. It wasn't worth the hassle, having to explain that to them all. …and the looks they'd give him…he could already see it. At least now…now there wasn't any evidence of how far he was from where he was supposed to be. He didn't dare do something so noticeable. Not that he'd want to… It would be like trying to put cool on a geek. It just wouldn't go.

“Um…I don't think I'm really into colors…”

 

Kris slid his fingers into Gohan's hair, feeling that it was soft and malleable rather than stiff and gelled. His eyes widened and he leaned in closer. “How'd you get it to stand up like that?”

 

It was Gohan's turn to shrug as he tried not to shiver from the odd feeling of strange fingers sifting through his hair. “It just does. Comes naturally.”

 

The Goth stared at his hair almost jealously and huffed, eyes going back to Gohan's and then trailing over his face as if only just now realizing that they were so close. “Um…” Kris licked his lips suddenly and leaned even closer. “Can I kiss you?”

 

Gohan didn't respond instantly. He didn't really understand the question. Could he…? His lips parted to speak, but no words emerged. He didn't know what to say, or how to answer. How did you give or deny permission for someone to kiss you? Or, more importantly, for another guy to kiss you? How did you even process that question?! It was so much easier to just panic after having it done to him without getting the chance to think about it beforehand…because now he actually found himself thinking about it! Kami! What was wrong with him?!

 

It was as if someone had taken a remote control and pressed the “step” button before losing it beneath the couch. Everything slowed down as he looked at Kris, three-quarter speed so you could watch the spittle fly on the football re-play. Stumbling through this oddly jerky, slow motion moment, he cast about desperately for something…for anything to say…that didn't make him answer…
“Wh…I…hoo…uh…wha…what about…what about Tom…?”

 

Kris pulled back, taking some of the pressure with him. He looked acutely embarrassed and grabbed his glass. “Oh…uh…we're not…well…sort of…I mean…not…” He sighed, obviously as tongue tied as Gohan was which was so strange. No one could be as clumsy with things like these as Gohan was…could they? Surely not. Blue-tipped spikes tipped back as Kris swallowed the last of his drink and quickly got up.
“You want anything from the kitchen?”

 

Gohan watched in confusion as Kris retreated. Had he…? Did he upset him? …What… His eyes fell to his cup and he pursed his lips. He wasn't used to getting that sort of reaction from anyone. It was usually himself that ended up running away, blushing like mad or feeling stupid… Crap…aw jeez… Now he felt bad. He took a long swallow of his drink and felt it warm his throat and chest as it slid all the way down. When he opened his eyes, Tom was walking into the room with one fishnet clad arm slung around Kris's shoulders.

 

“Awe, look. We're missing the best part of the movie and we left our guest all alone.” Tom exclaimed and dropped down beside Gohan with a grin, setting an unopened bottle of bright colored alcohol on the table. “For shame.”

 

Kris sat down next to Gohan again, where he'd been sitting before, but he carefully avoided looking at the demi. Leaning back, he concentrated on rolling some sort of cigarette between his fingers and watching the high speed antics of the fighters in the movie. Gohan glanced at him a few times before turning his attention to the tv too.

 

Tom, slung his arm across the back of the couch, sprawling quite comfortably, and Gohan was suddenly struck by a strange feeling of déjà vu. He glanced from one Goth to the other and suddenly thought…that they could be sort of like him and Lian. She was so relaxed and sociable and fun-loving and he was so…not. But he was being foolish. To compare Kris with himself…that was just cruel.

 

Tom held up a chrome lighter when Kris started patting himself down for a light for his cigarette. Once lit, the smoke smelled so familiar. Kris had been smoking one of those the last time Gohan had been with them and that scent was a permanent fixture at Hope as well. After a long puff, it was handed to Tom who took a long drag as well, paused, and then held it up for Gohan.

 

The demi politely refused, holding up his hand to wave off some of the thick vapor. “I don't smoke.”

 

Tom just shrugged. “Sure? Kay.” He took another drag and handed it back to Kris who drew deeply on it and leaned back against the couch, closing his eyes with a quiet smile before sighing, smoke trailing lazily from his lips.

 

Gohan took another drink before noticing the odd way Tom was smirking at him. He glanced over questioningly at the Goth. “What?”

 

Tom grinned, the chain across his cheek glinting and glittering in the light from the tv. “Okay. Here's the thing. Since I have to do everything around here myself…”

 

There was a groan from Gohan's other side. “Tom…shut up…”

 

Tom leaned in, ignoring his roommate. “My dear buddy Kris here…likes you. So what about it? Does he have a chance?”

 

Both Gohan and Kris stared at Tom, jaws hanging, and Gohan's cheeks flamed up brightly. “…uh…”

 

Tom just looked even more amused, raccoon eyes twinkling. “And while were at it, I kinda like ya too. So…as long as we're all liking each other here… What do you think, Angel? Is that a bad thing?”

 

Gohan licked his lips nervously, leaning back from Tom and finding that was just pressing him against Kris who…though he wasn't looming like Tom was…he wasn't budging either. “Um…um…I uh…I…don't…know…”

 

Tom suddenly backed off. “Good enough. How about this? You tell us if you decide that it's a bad thing.” Tom cupped Gohan's cheek and turned his wide eyed face toward Kris.
“How about something simple to start out with?”

 

Gohan's breath caught as his dark eyes met Kris's blue ones and one of Kris' hands cupped his other cheek.
“Can I kiss you?”

 

Good grief, he was shaking and he couldn't seem to get his lips to stay wet. “Uh…I…” He took a deep, shaky breath and swallowed nervously. “…o…okay.”

 

And Kris did. Kiss him. Warm, moist lips pressed to Gohan's and he suddenly couldn't breathe. He felt…ungainly…and clumsy…and he hadn't even moved… He just sat there, frozen, letting Kris tilt his head back and lean in and kiss him again, letting his eyes fall closed, letting his lips part with a sigh under a third kiss, letting a quiet moan flutter up when a warm wet tongue slipped along his parted lips. His attention was so riveted by the kiss, that he didn't even notice Tom behind him until a wet tongue slid against the back of his neck and the other Goth deftly pulled his somehow magically unbuttoned shirt down off of his shoulders.

 

“Whoa…wow…”

 

It took Gohan a second to drag his mind away from Kris's lips enough to understand what Tom's amazement was stemming from. When he finally did, he realized that his shirt was gone and the other Goth was staring at his still muscular torso and scarred shoulder. Stiffening, his eyes dropped down to the couch and he cast around for his shirt or anything to cover up with. What was he doing?! He shouldn't be doing this! He shouldn't be here! He should be…anywhere but here… He should be home, wallowing in the darkness and remembering exactly why he was trapped in this hell that was his life and he shouldn't be here with these people who…made him forget…he couldn't forget. This was wrong. He shouldn't be able to feel…good about this.

 

“Hey…” It was Kris, bringing his chin back up with his hand so that he could see Gohan's eyes again. “It's okay…”

 

But even he was looking at the scar now and Gohan tried to shrink away. He didn't want them looking at it. He didn't want them to see what he was, what he really was. Everything that he wanted to hide was shown so plainly in those scars. His soul was there, twisted and ugly and warped.

 

But Kris wouldn't let him pull away. “Really, it's okay…that's not so bad.” He looks a little sheepish, but continues. “Well, it looks pretty major…but…here…look at mine. Mine's much worse than that.” He quickly stripped off his long sleeved black shirt, buckles and metal loops jingling in the silence.

 

Gohan's eyes widened and his self loathing and panic was utterly derailed when Kris bared his pale white chest, obviously untouched by the sun for a long time. The reason why was clear. White and red washboard scars covered Kris' pale side, traveling from his right pectoral downwards where they swept around his ribs and waist, around to his back. It looked as though his flesh had been rubbed raw and stripped away by a giant cheese grater. More of the same scars stretched over his right shoulder and bicep and, now that Gohan was looking, he could see them on the back of his right hand as well.

 

Kris turned to the side without even a hint of self-consciousness, showing Gohan how the scars stretched to the center of his back. “Motorcycle crash. The gas tank ruptured.” He shrugged. “It's no big deal. It's old news.”

 

Gohan stilled finally and swallowed, suddenly feeling rather silly. Kris was right, his scar was much worse. He didn't mean to stare, but he couldn't help it.
“It must have hurt…so much…”
One question swirled in Gohan's head. How weak was he that he couldn't even handle his one shoulder while Kris' scar covered half his torso and arm?

 

Kris just shrugged. “Yeah. Still does sometimes. It's just part of me now.”

 

Unthinkingly, Gohan reached out and trailed fingertips over the thickly rugged scarring. It looked like it should have been rough, but the skin was really soft and smooth and he slid his palm curiously over it.

 

Kris's hand covered Gohan's, causing him to look up from the Goth's chest. “See? Nobody's perfect.”

 

Tom smirked over Gohan's shoulder and began trailing fingers along the Gohan's naked spine. “Not true! I'm perfect!”

 

Kris rolled his eyes yet again at his roommate. “Excuse me. Nobody is perfect except for Tom here. He's Mr. Perfect.”

 

Gohan shivered at the touch and it seemed to him that the tension in the room just evaporated. He relaxed again and let his eyes fall shut, his hand still resting against Kris's side. “I'm sorry.” He apologized quietly. “I'm kind of high strung. I didn't mean to overreact…”

 

Tom rested his chin on Gohan's scarred shoulder and grinned apologetically at him. “No biggy. I get too ahead of things sometimes. It's like, my ice-breaker routine, just jump in and break it. My bad.”

 

As if by another work of magic, his shirt reappeared on his shoulders, Tom's deft hands carefully settling it back into place and reaching around to button it up before Gohan could say anything. “There. Good as new. Better? And I promise I'll lay off ya guys.”

 

Gohan nodded sheepishly and looked up to see Kris smiling at him, the Goth looked so much more at ease than he'd been most of the evening up until now. Gohan thought he understood why because he felt a little more comfortable now too, knowing that the other man hid his own set of heavy scars. They had common ground, the sort that not many people could ever understand. He watched as Kris pulled his own shirt back on again and opened up the bottle on the table, refilling their glasses. If his mother could only see him now…or Videl…or the rest…would they be mortified? Would they be disgusted? Would they understand? No. They would never understand this. He barely understood this. But he knew one thing. He needed this. He'd only just learned…Kami, he couldn't even put to words what he was learning. But…he needed this so much.

 

As Kris kissed him again, he found that he knew one thing now. He may not know much, but…this wasn't a bad thing. He kissed Kris back and decided that, right here, right now, he didn't care what they all might think. They weren't here when he needed them. They didn't give him what he needed when they could have. They were the reason he didn't know anything. They didn't want him to know. There was an entire conspiracy against him in which conventionality had prevailed, strapping blinders over his eyes and leading him like a horse pulling a cart, harnessed in and loaded down so that he couldn't breathe, just living for that carrot at the end of the haul.

 

Now that he'd begun to learn…nothing could make him give up what he now knew. He was twenty-six years old and he was only now seeing what was really there. Everything he'd grown up with, everything he knew, it was all so meaningless. None of it was important. Things he'd thought were so imperative, so important, they were irrelevant. He couldn't let go now, not when he'd discovered that there was so much more to life.

 

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Warm and content, comfortably pressed into the couch cushions by the weight of Kris' solid body, Gohan's eyes slowly fluttered open and fell closed again. The white light of early morning was creeping through the windows on the far wall, but it didn't worry him. He just lied there feeling hot heavy breaths soaking through his shirt to the skin beneath and listening to the light snores coming from the floor just below them where Tom lay sleeping at the foot of the couch.

 

He didn't feel any of the mortified humiliation that had come with the first time he'd…well, he couldn't very well say experimented because he hadn't really had much say with that other guy. This had been totally different. Kris had asked. And Tom may have been a little too enthusiastic, but after Gohan had freaked out, Tom had backed off. They'd both eased up on him. He could still remember what Kris' lips felt like on his. It hadn't gone further than that. Well, not much. It seemed odd to use the word cuddle when referring to another guy, but that's what they'd done. And…it was…really nice. He'd liked it. And now, the morning after and slightly more sober, he took the chance to think about it as he lay with Kris pressed so intimately against him and he found that it was still really nice.

 

Prying his eyes open again, he looked down at Kris' peaceful face and drooping blue tipped spikes and smiled, reaching up and brushing his fingertips through the messy hair, the gel having worn partly away during the night. Kris smiled and shifted and made a content sound, eyes opening to look at Gohan. “Mmm…hi.”

 

“Hi.” Gohan rasped back and took a deep breath, yawning widely. “…I should…probably go…got work.” He said quietly.

 

Kris nodded into his chest and climbed into an upright position, still comfortably wedged between Gohan's jean clad thighs. He smiled, looking at Gohan coyly. “You sure? Could stay…”

 

Gohan blushed and licked his lips, sitting up and scooting back to try and avoid the friction Kris' movements were causing. It was morning and he'd just woken up after all. He couldn't help that particular little side-affect, but he could keep it from becoming a problem. He shook his head. “I should really go to work.” Kris just shrugged, seeming not to have expected any other answer, and offered to walk him home. Gohan smiled wider and couldn't help himself as he nodded and looked away shyly, like some inexperienced adolescent. Though, honestly, that was exactly what he felt like.

 

At the door to his apartment, he had just as much trouble looking Kris in the eyes. He was so very grateful and embarrassed when Kris cupped his cheeks and lifted his chin. “Can I kiss you goodbye, Angel?”

 

This time he had an answer, though. “S…sure.” He blushed yet again. Even after spending an entire night with this man's body pressed against his, he still felt clumsy and all thumbs. He was happy to close his eyes and feel the press of those warm lips on his and let his body respond on its own. Things went so much smoother when he didn't let his brain get in the way. His brain felt like mush by the time Kris pulled away anyway.

 

“You sure you wanna go to work?”

 

Gohan licked his lips absently, eyes still half closed, and nodded. “Mm…gotta go to work…”

 

Kris grinned and shrugged. “Oh well. Maybe next time, then.”

 

Gohan blinked, his intellect finally catching up with his body, slowed down by the blood flow that was being diverted to his cheeks and elsewhere. “Next time?”

 

Kris just grinned wider, a teasingly brash expression taking over his features even while he blushed himself. “Maybe next time you'll invite me in.” Then he stepped back, having lost what nerve he'd worked up, retreating quickly back the way they had come. “Have fun at work, Angel.” He called over his shoulder and then disappeared around the corner of the building.

 

Gohan stood there dazedly for a long moment before disappearing into his apartment. Inside, he threw himself onto his recliner, butterflies churning his stomach into a whirlwind. His hands were shaking, he was so…so…so what? Excited? Embarrassed? Exhilarated? Nervous? Turned on? He really didn't know. It just…it wasn't bad. Not even a little. He was so preoccupied by the feeling that he barely took notice of the slow, plowed condition he was in after drinking far too much last night, though it wasn't nearly as bad as the hangovers he'd been suffering lately. Not at all.

 

It seemed like only a minute later when Lian shook him awake. He frowned and groaned, curling his arm over his eyes to shut out the morning, but there was no escaping the cheerful blond. He peeked blurrily around his arm at her. “How do you keep getting into my apartment?” He asked without any real irritation.

 

She laughed. “Silly! You never lock your door. Sometimes you leave it wide open. I'm surprised you still have a tv.”

 

He groaned again and covered his eyes. “I don't want to go to work.” He whined. “I think I wanna stay home today.”

 

She giggled and curled her arms around his neck to hug him. “Oh, why so grumpy? What else are you gonna do today? `Cause if you're just going to lay around and waste it, then you might as well go to work.” She paused, a funny look crossing her features. She abruptly leaned in and gave his neck a good sniff before grinning excitedly. “Oooo! Where were you last night?” She teased.

 

Gohan stuttered and showed his incredulous eyes. “What? What are you talking about?”

 

Lian crawled right into his lap with a laugh. “Awe, come on. Who was it? Huh?” She pulled at his shirt and sniffed the material, giggling triumphantly. “I know for a fact you don't wear cologne and it's all over you and you're still wearing the same clothes you had on yesterday.”

 

He blushed bright red and looked away. “What? Nothing! I mean…er…” He cringed, sure that she was about to get upset or angry or indignant or…something… Everyone else would. It stunned him when she just sighed and shrugged.

 

“Okay, fine, don't tell me.” She grinned at him lightheartedly and jabbed him with her finger. “But, mark my words. I'll find out sooner or later. So! Are you coming to work or not?”

 

He blinked at her for a few seconds, remembering again why he loved her so much. He laughed and nodded. “Alright, fine. But you have to let me up so I can get a shower.”

 

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