Fake Fan Fiction ❯ Three Times A Charm ❯ Chapter 25

Title: Three Times A Charm

Author: JadeHeart

Archived: If anyone would like it, please ask me first!

Fandom: Fake

Rating: NC-17

Warnings: none really

Timeline: follows on directly from the end of Vol 7

 

Author's Note: Well, after a lengthy break due to heavy work commitments (actually read that as being `completely insane'!) I have finally been able to sit down and give this story some consideration.

 

For those that celebrate this festive time, I would like to take this opportunity to say have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, and may 2007 be filled with joy for you all.

Summary: Homecoming is not all that it is hoped for.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this, they belong to the creator of `FAKE', nor am I making any profits from it.

 

 

Chapter 25

 

 

“Will you lie still and do as you're told?!” Ryo's voice was completely exasperated as he glared at his dark-haired partner scowling on the bed.

 

Dee's lips pouted and Ryo was conflicted with the urge to kiss him for looking so delectable, or slap him for being so childish. Undecided, he settled for a steely gaze.

 

“If you are that incapable of doing as you are asked and following such simple directions I'm leaving you here!” he threatened, actually meaning it. Dee sulked at that, not even acknowledging Ryo's statement, scowling fiercely as he turned his head way and refusing to even look at him, acting just like a petulant child.

 

Ryo rolled his eyes and contained the sigh that was trying to escape at these further antics. Dee had been nearly impossible to deal with over the past couple of weeks, ranging from raucous to belligerent to downright rude and demanding, until finally the doctors, in a fit of despair Ryo suspected, said he could be released, with certain conditions.

 

Ryo could understand in a way Dee's frustration which he guessed formed a big part in the outrageous mood swings. He had been stuck in the hospital for nearly seven weeks; firstly to ensure his wounds had properly healed with no lasting damage, but more due to his slow recovery from his bout of pneumonia. Even now he tired easily and the dry hacking cough would steal his breath away. So it had already been a long convalescence and for someone like Dee, who rarely got sick, it had been a shock to the system to have been forced to remain cooped up for so long. The fact that Dee really was so sick that it warranted him having to remain in hospital for that length of time was even worse.

 

Ryo had hated seeing Dee like this, as though he was but a shadow of his former self. He had lost weight and muscle tone, his usually well-tanned skin pale and faded. He had been assured by the doctors that Dee would be able to regain his former self with some time and rehabilitation but Ryo was still concerned. It didn't seem right to see Dee so…weak. He had seen Dee hurt before, it wasn't the first time he had visited him in hospital even, but even then he had always been full of energy, just bursting to get out. Dee had always been strong, in body and spirit, though not many would say in mind as that was more pigheadedness than anything else. To see Dee now looking like he had faded away and struggling to even breathe shook Ryo to the core.

 

In some ways Ryo wasn't in much better shape than his partner, so much so that one of the doctor's went so far as to prescribe him some sleeping pills with the admonishment to use them, or they would be setting up a bed for him in ward. From the moment he had learnt Dee was in the hospital he had spent every minute there when he could. He was still working his required shifts; if he had tried to take any extra time off he would have had no job to go back to, he knew that full well. He had stretched the patience and compassion of the Chief and Commissioner as far as it could be and he would be foolish to the extreme to try and gain any more leniency from that department. If he still wanted to be working he had to be certain he toed the line all the way from now on. So he still had to turn up to work regularly and put in a full day, or night, depending on what shift he was working, plus any of the odd hours for calls or stakeouts that was part of the job. All that took most of his energy and even some of his sleep and he knew that he was beginning to push his body to the limits.

 

On top of that he also made every effort to still be there for Bikky, and to an extent Carol. He didn't want to leave the kids on their own all the time so he tried to at least go home to cook a meal with them when he was able to, perhaps help a little with homework, before heading to the hospital. If he was on night shift he would frequently just go straight to the hospital and not bother even going home as he knew that Bikky was more than capable of at least getting himself some breakfast and going to school. He felt a little guilty, as though he was shorting Bikky in some way, but at the moment it seemed that Dee needed him more than the perfectly capable boy.

 

So, with trying to fit all of this into a standard twenty-four hour day, it was often the case that he was living on very little sleep, and his nutritional intake as far as meals went wasn't that great either. What rest he did manage to snatch usually wasn't very restful as he would find himself nodding off in chairs or on the edge of Dee's bed, or coming awake with a start from a nightmare that was telling him that this wasn't real and Dee was dead. Those times made him break out in a cold sweat and it would take him a moment or two to regain control over his rapid breathing and calm his panic. Then he would reach out to lightly touch the most likely slumbering Dee, feeling the warmth of the skin beneath his fingertips and he would let out a shuddering sigh of relief. It was only a dream, only a dream.

 

When he wasn't trying to snatch a few stolen moments of sleep, the rest of his waking time was still spent at the hospital helping Dee. During those first days Dee slept a great deal, more due to being drugged than because he was naturally resting. Ryo always stayed very close during those times, almost afraid that if Dee slept too long that he just might not ever wake up again. Ryo knew his fears were irrational but he couldn't control them. Until Dee was completely well once more, until his was truly safe and out of harm's way, he knew these fears would not recede. So he just tried to live with it.

 

Dee's health was not good, you couldn't pretend that it was. The bout of pneumonia that set in put a huge strain on his body and the barely begun to heal open wounds, the coughing stretching the stitches to breaking point. Ryo had been horrified when that had happened the first time.

 

During those first days he would come in and sit by Dee's bed, unable to do much more except hold his hand or support him as he had coughed and coughed as though he would hack up a lung. The inability to do more left him with a feeling of helplessness that he had never experienced before, even after learning of his parents death. He had been so worried; worried that he would still lose Dee, worried that he was unable to help, worried that he had been unable to protect his love. All he could do was be there, and hope.

 

It was after a particularly bad bout of coughing that as he was laying Dee back against the raised bed head and pillows, his face pale and shining with sweat, Ryo had noticed the brownish stain on the front of Dee's unattractive dull blue hospital gown. He had placed his hand on that mark and when he brought it away could feel the stickiness and could only stare in horror at the brown/red colouring on his fingertips.

 

He had frantically pressed the buzzer for a nurse whilst calling to Dee over and over again, becoming more panicked when there was no answering flicker from the closed eyes and there was still no response no matter how loud he called. A nurse arrived quickly, although not quickly enough for Ryo's state of mind. She had bustled him out of the room and swished the curtains around the bed and was soon joined by a second nurse who disappeared behind the shielding also, cutting Ryo off from what was happening.

 

Ryo was beside himself, pacing up and down in the corridor, worried sick that something truly serious had gone wrong. His heart had been in his throat when the nurses finally reappeared, pushing the trolley that the second had brought in with her, and was finally told that Dee had broken some of his stitches but it had been rectified and he had suffered no lasting damage. He had been relieved but had then been doubly concerned every time Dee had a coughing attack and carefully checked for any signs afterwards that the same thing hadn't occurred. Fortunately that appeared to be the only time, at least whilst Ryo was there. He then constantly worried about what was happening to Dee when he wasn't present but there was little he could do about that.

 

Ryo kept in constant communication with the doctors over Dee's condition, calling half a dozen times during the course of his shifts, be it day or night, needing that constant reassurance. A fearful part of him still half expected Dee to vanish again, that he would lose him, and that thought ate at him incessantly. The doctors had told him that Dee was doing very well considering his wounds and illness, despite what it may seem like, although they did say it would still be a slow recovery. However they had been careful to warn him that they didn't think it was good for Dee to get excited over anything, adamant that he needed peace and quiet and rest above all else, and that he should have nothing to worry him. No surprises and nothing to upset him was the doctors orders.

 

The last thing Ryo wanted to do was to cause Dee any further trouble, or be responsible for Dee's lack of recovery so he was determined to follow their advice. To do so he vowed to keep his feelings to himself, for as much as he wanted to tell Dee everything that he felt, all that he had gone through during their time apart and what he really wanted, he held back, hiding it behind a warm neutral smile and soft encouraging words. He wouldn't burden Dee with his own emotional outbursts, not yet. There was so much for them to talk about, he knew that, but he didn't want to have Dee worrying about any of that at the moment. Dee's health was far more important than his own need to confess all and admit his love for this man. That could wait. It could wait until Dee was better.

 

He still didn't even know yet what Dee's thoughts about everything were anyway, they hadn't had the chance to talk at all. It had kind of been implied at their last meeting before Dee was shot that they would do so once his secondment was over - at least that was the impression that Ryo had had. But then everything else had happened and so they just hadn't had that opportunity. He knew that Dee had seemed pleased to see him when he had first arrived at the hospital so he guessed they were okay with that, but as more? They hadn't reached any agreement there. So that meant there was still more for them to talk about and discuss and it probably would mean a lot of thinking on both their parts, all of which was probably too stressful for Dee to have to try and deal with just at the moment.

 

So Ryo decided he would keep all of that to one side until there was a more appropriate time for them to bring it up. So burying his emotions deep inside, he instead went back to keeping everything just nice and friendly like. Nothing heavy, no inappropriate touches, he hadn't even kissed Dee since that first night when he had returned, as much as he wanted to do so; nothing more than would be appropriate between work partners. So he held it all within his heart although he ached to be able to tell Dee.

 

Once Dee was able to at least get up and move around a little he had gone with Dee to the rehabilitation area. There he helped him go through the programme his physiotherapist had designed for him, assisting him with walking and swimming in gentle amounts to slowly build up both muscle strength and lung capacity. This was all done under the careful management of a rehabilitation professional who was more than glad to have Ryo's ready assistance, as Dee's legs would sometimes just give way on him from lack of use and Ryo and the physio would be forced to catch him on either side before he fell.

 

It had almost broken his heart to see the normally virile and energetic Dee unable to take more than a dozen steps without having to pause, wheezing, but Ryo had kept his features schooled, plastering on a warm encouraging smile, and not letting a hint of his own inner emotions show in case they may shatter Dee's already shaken confidence. It was important at this stage for Dee to truly believe he could do this, that he could get better, and he needed nothing to indicate anything different.

 

So Ryo maintained a calm, cool and professional manner at all times and never let Dee see his eyes bright with unshed tears as his heart broke over and over again, and he had to hold himself back from throwing his arms around the man and holding him tightly, or just sweeping him off his feet as he couldn't bear to see him struggle to walk.

 

Because for all Dee's joking and kidding around saying he'd only be able to catch old ladies using zimmer frames, Ryo could see the shadow of fear in his partner's green eyes that indicated that Dee was truly afraid that there would be more truth to that statement than he would like. He could see that Dee was worried that he would never be able to be the same and that his days on the Force were numbered, and then what would he do?

 

Ryo understood this fear and was determined to continue to bolster Dee's flagging ego, pushing him on mercilessly, refusing to let him give up, and refusing to coddle him in any way. As a result, the past two weeks had shown a vast improvement as Dee's increased energy levels attested, and his increased frustration at being cooped up slowly driving the hospital staff mad until finally the doctors broke down and agreed to Ryo's request that Dee could go home. Ryo didn't tell them that it sounded more like they pleaded with him to take Dee away.

 

However the restrictions were that Dee could not live alone. The risk was still high that he could find himself having a severe attack triggered by any number of things so it was dangerous for him to be on his own. Ryo's answer to this was simple; Dee would stay with him. The fact that he only had two bedrooms and one was Bikky's so Dee would have to share his, didn't enter his mind as being a problem at all. It wasn't like they hadn't shared a bed before now, he just had to make sure that Dee didn't hog all the covers.

 

Dee hadn't said much when Ryo had told him of this arrangement which had surprised him a little, and worried him more. He had at first thought that perhaps Dee was sicker than anyone realised and should remain in hospital, then he wondered if perhaps Dee didn't want to stay with him. He had expected to be met with the usual wise-cracks and suggestive remarks but there were nothing. In fact, now that Ryo thought about it, Dee hadn't really said anything to him about them or their relationship, he hadn't even asked after Bikky or Carol. It was as though Dee had cut himself off from them all.

 

Ryo realized then that during this time Dee hadn't once tried to hold his hand, ask him to stay, tried to steal a kiss, or smile at him in that loving way that once he had. There had been no overtures towards him, no indication that Dee even wanted to do any of those things. Ryo's heart clenched. Dee hadn't done any of that - not since that moment the very first night when he had awoken to find Ryo crying. Then they had seemed so close, so special to each other, and it had seemed so right; Ryo had truly felt that. But since then, there had been nothing.

 

Ryo felt a lump form in his throat that he swallowed against. Dee was treating him no different to a passing acquaintance, not even a friend really. He showed more animation when JJ came to visit than when Ryo was helping him in the swimming pool and their bare slick skin was pressed against each other. It was as though Dee was treating him no differently than he did the rest of the nursing staff; a necessary evil, to be polite enough to, but no need to get too friendly. Ryo couldn't believe that he had been delegated to that position so quickly.

 

When this realization had hit, Ryo had been watching as Dee dried himself off on the edge of the pool, breathing heavily but not actually wheezing which was a good sign. He felt the tears run down his cheeks, mixing with the water dripping from his wet hair, sliding down to the point of his chin. No-one would know he was actually crying, the redness of his eyes could be explained away due to the salt/chlorine mix in the water. No-one would know that it was because Ryo felt like his world had just ended again. Trying to hold the sobs in until he had escorted Dee safely back to his room before being able to escape to a bathroom down the corridor, had been the hardest thing he had ever had to do.

 

After spending hours crying almost silently alone, his face hot and flushed and stiff from the saltiness of his tears, nose running and red from blowing, and throat feeling raw, Ryo finally took a deep shuddering breath and leant his head back against the cold tiles. This didn't change things. No matter what Dee thought, no matter if he had changed his mind and no longer wanted Ryo, he wouldn't leave him to suffer alone. He would always be there for Dee, always be there to support him and give him everything he could. That at least he could do as long as he was able to do so. And perhaps, just perhaps, he could make Dee come to accept him once more, that he could once again earn the right to be by Dee's side and show him that he was worthy of being called `friend'.

 

So it was with that thought that Ryo now understood why Dee seemed so awkward about staying with him. If that was the case then it would, of course, make Dee extremely uncomfortable to not only have to stay at Ryo's place but to have to share the one bed. Sharing a bed with a stranger is not something anyone would like. But there was no where else for Dee to go, he had no-one else to help him, and that in itself had startled Ryo.

 

He had thought he would do the right thing and withdraw his offer to have Dee stay with him but before doing so he wanted to be certain that Dee would be well looked after to allay his concerns so he began to ask around to find out who else could take Dee in, and it was then that he found there was no-one.

 

Dee may have many people who called him `friend' but they were more acquaintances or colleagues, people he was friendly enough with but had never seemed to have shared a great deal of time with. They also all had lives of their own and didn't need an invalid around their place, that's even if their partner's would accept it. Dee knew a lot of people, of both genders, but it seemed that there were very few who really `knew' Dee. He didn't seem to really have any close friends at all - unless you counted JJ.

 

Ryo even considered asking the younger man if Dee could stay with him, but then wondered if it would be a particularly good idea to subject Dee to that kind of treatment when he was still recovering. JJ could be pretty rough at times in his exuberance, and having Dee weak and at his mercy might be placing too much temptation before the excitable man. Ryo firmly squashed the flash of jealousy at the thought of JJ touching Dee, offering to give him a sponge bath, or softly stroking his hair as Dee fell asleep. He banished these thoughts.

 

Still Ryo didn't want to put any pressure on Dee for his part so, despite his misgivings, had gone ahead and asked.

 

JJ had looked at him askance and just bluntly said, “Why don't you look after him?”

 

Ryo had tried to edge around the question, not wanting to admit Dee's rejection, when JJ had just shrugged and said, “Anyway, I can't take him in. The floor above me had a burst water pipe so the ceiling of my bedroom is damaged and they're trying to repair it. That means I'm currently sleeping on the couch, and as much as I would love to have Dee all to myself, the couch just isn't big enough to two. Sorry.”

 

“That's okay,” Ryo had said. “Thanks anyway.”

 

“Sure.” And JJ had briskly walked away, leaving Ryo standing in the corridor at a complete loss of what to do next. The other guys at the station were no better as choices, either having partners or an unsuitable place as most of them were bachelors and not that keen on housework that they wanted to live in large apartments. So that still left only him.

 

Ryo had tried searching beyond the group at the 28th but found that Dee had very few associations outside of work. Not surprising in some ways with their work hours which made it difficult to maintain any form of social life with other people, but still even Dee's little black book that Ryo found hadn't been updated for the past couple of years.

 

The last few years, Ryo looked at the dates. From about the time we started working together. He sat down with a thump, book in hand, flicking through the pages. Had Dee really given up his philandering ways even right back then? Ryo had heard all the stories about Dee's sexual exploits from the rest of the boys from the time he had joined the 28th precinct. Dee had certainly been energetic enough and not too fussy about his partners back then. Ryo had often wondered how he had managed to find the time to get up to half of what was claimed of him and had secretly doubted it at first until Drake and the others had sworn hand on heart that they had witnessed Dee's conquests on more than one occasion. So Ryo had known that Dee had pretty much been `sex on legs' back then, which had been one of the reasons for his own hesitancy in believing Dee when he had professed to love him.

 

Ryo looked at the dates again. Had Dee really known he wanted to be with Ryo and so had committed himself to the relationship right from the start? Had he truly just gone `cold turkey' and held out in the hope that Ryo would one day agree to be with him?

 

Ryo put a hand over his mouth as the tears formed. He hadn't realized. He had thought it was all just something Dee was doing, just the way he was. He had been so open and free in expressing his sexuality and his interests, he had seemed quite the `love `em and leave `em' type in Ryo's view and so he just hadn't been able to take him seriously. Every time he thought Dee might have been, the joking expression would come back over Dee's face and Ryo would think he was mistaken. Other times when he thought Dee was joking he would suddenly get serious on him, or appear to.

 

Ryo hadn't known what to think for some time, and the confusion over his own growing attraction for his partner had been making it harder and harder for him to understand what was happening. It hadn't been until much, much later that Ryo had even come close to accepting that he cared about Dee far more than as a friend or partner, and even longer before he felt that he could actually act upon it.

 

Yet Dee appeared to have made his decision long ago, and had proven it, even though Ryo hadn't realized at that time at all, by giving up his casual liaisons and concentrating solely on Ryo. Now, Ryo had taken so long in reaching his decision he had lost his chance completely to return those feelings.

 

Ryo had just sat there and cried and cried, arms holding his shaking body as he called silently out for Dee, desperately wishing he could feel those strong arms wrapped around him once more.

 

So his search for an alternative place for Dee to convalesce at did not produce any favourable results. It had been then that Ryo realized just how lucky he was. He may have lost his parents but he still had his aunt and uncle who cared for him and to whom he could turn to at any time if he needed to. Dee only had Mother, and she was unable to take time to care for Dee as well as run the orphanage, especially when her own health was steadily declining.

 

She had been very concerned about Dee when Ryo had notified her as soon as he had learnt Dee had been found. She hadn't even been aware that he was missing as Dee had never put her down as next of kin and in fact had left that portion blank on his HR forms.

 

Ryo had quietly asked him about that late one evening as Dee had lain there exhausted from coughing and he had replied just as softly, “There's no point worrying her about that sort of stuff. If something's happened to me I don't want her fretting and getting upset. She's got enough to deal with.” Ryo guessed that Dee didn't think there was anyone else he could put down as a contact either and that thought had made him sad beyond belief to know that Dee thought so little of his own worth.

 

Mother had guessed that Dee had done just that when she had asked Ryo why she hadn't been called. She had shaken her head sadly, a small smile on her lips.

 

“That boy,” she had said, smoothing her habit down. “He's always trying to act so tough and look after everyone else that he forgets to look after himself.” She looked over at Ryo, cocking her head to one side as she scrutinized him. “The problem with Dee is that I've never been able to make him truly understand and believe just how hurt people would be if he just disappeared without a word. He thinks he's protecting me by doing this, but I would be far more upset in knowing that I might not have had the chance to be with him if, Heaven forbid, something did happen.” She had picked up her cup of tea and sipped gently. “Can I make a request of you, Ryo?”

 

“Of course,” he had immediately answered. He would do anything for Mother.

 

She smiled at him, her small laugh tinkling. “You should be more circumspect in agreeing to requests from people. You don't know what I'm going to ask!”

 

He smiled back at her. “I know you wouldn't ask anything wrong of me,” he said. “So I know I'm perfectly safe.”

 

She laughed again. “I guess my vocation makes that a safe assumption for the most part!”

 

“So what would you like me to do?” he asked.

 

“I know you can't change Dee's form, that would be a crime. But will you promise to contact me if anything does happen again? Maybe even ask the other people who work with Dee if they could do so also? I know it is a lot to ask of you and the others and I feel a little awkward in doing so as it seems to be going against what Dee wants, but I truly would much rather know.” She smiled warmly at him. “Dee is as much of a son to me as any, despite the fact that I shouldn't have favourites, but as you know, Dee has a way of growing in your heart.”

 

Ryo hesitated for a moment but then nodded his head, “Okay.” She should know better than anyone if she could handle the stress of such information.

 

“Thank you.” She said simply. “You will take care of him, won't you?”

 

Ryo had swallowed against the lump that was suddenly in his throat. “Yes.” He had almost had to whisper.

 

Mother had looked at him fondly and reached over to touch the back of his hand lightly. “I'm glad. You need each other.”

 

He hadn't had the heart to tell her that it was over between them and take that smile from her.

 

So for all his searching he had come to the conclusion that the only person who could take Dee in was himself. So he had steeled himself against Dee's obvious discomfort about the whole situation because it was all he could do for his partner, there was no where else Dee could go and no-one else to take care of him.

 

He was sure they could still make it work. If Dee was so uncomfortable about it he could sleep on the couch. It might not be as comfortable as his soft bed but a little lost sleep was a small matter to Dee's wellbeing and peace of mind, and Ryo had no intention of crowding him in anyway. He would be certain to keep his distance and ensure that Dee had all the privacy he needed until he was well enough to go home again. So that had been Ryo's resolution.

 

Now the day had arrived when Dee would be discharged and he seemed to be going out of his way to be disruptive, even stretching Ryo's patience. Dee seemed to oscillate between doing everything in a desire to remain in hospital, until his own innate desire to escape these sterile confines kicked in. Ryo wished his partner wasn't making it so obvious to everyone that he really didn't want to be leaving with him. He was sure they could all see the reason for Dee's behaviour and his face flushed at what they might be thinking, or even worse, saying about him.

 

Finally Dee was loaded into a wheelchair, his small bag packed and hung over the back. Ryo took the handles after finishing the paperwork and nodded to the harried doctors who waved a weary, yet relieved, hand in their direction, saying, “Just get him out of here, for God's sake. And I pity you having to put up with him!”

 

They didn't talk as they made their way out to the carpark where he loaded Dee into the car, backing off immediately when Dee shrugged his assistance aside with a scowl and gingerly lowered himself into the seat. He still had to be careful in his movements at times due to the still healing internal damage but most times he was fine. Ryo hovered over him with a concerned frown but made no further move to touch him as it was obvious that Dee found his touch unpleasant, and Ryo clamped down on the flash of hurt at that.

 

The trip back to his apartment was mercifully short and uncomfortably silent. Dee didn't say a word the entire time, just staring out the window with a small frown and Ryo was uncertain if he should try to break the silence that hung between them. He wanted to try and talk, to see if he could put Dee at ease. He wanted to bring back the smile to his partner's face, to see those green eyes twinkling with laughter. He longed to hear the easy banter that they would usually have, the discussions, even the arguments, anything would have been better than this silence. But the atmosphere was tense and Ryo was loath to disturb it and afraid of saying something that would only make it worse, so he finally opted for saying nothing.

 

Ryo was glad that his allocated parking bay was not far from the front doors of the apartment building and that there were sturdy handrails by the short flight of stairs leading in. They took the lift to his floor, forgoing the stairs this once, and he remembered painfully the times they used to race each other, at Dee's insistence, up those very stairs to reach his door completely out of breath, Dee grinning broadly at him.

 

Even so, the short walk from the car to the lift, then from the lift to Ryo's door had left Dee slightly breathless. He leant against the door frame, trying to hide his heaving chest, as Ryo unlocked the door and waved him forward, hand half held out, wanting to reach out and help him but hesitant to touch him unsolicited.

 

Ryo watched Dee's straight back before him as he followed and closed the door quietly. He saw Dee's head move from side to side, obviously looking around the room. He was swamped suddenly by so many memories; memories of times with Dee, here in this very room. It had seemed so empty over these past few months without Dee's presence here, Ryo had found himself more than once turning or lifting his head, fully expecting to see his dark haired partner there and feeling shocked that he wasn't. Was Dee remembering the same things? How did he feel about it?

 

Ryo raised a hand, reaching outwards to broad shoulders. He wanted to hold Dee. He wanted to wrap his arms around the man before him, drop his head to the shoulder, breath in the spicy scent of Dee's favourite cologne, feel the warmth of Dee's body permeating through his shirt and the brush of that silky black hair against his cheek. He wanted to be pressed up against Dee and hold him and never let him go, to tell him everything he wanted to, everything he felt. He didn't want to let him go again.

 

He placed Dee's bag on the floor, intending to free up his other hand. He couldn't hold Dee with just one, he wanted both arms unimpeded so he could wrap them tightly around him. Dee heard him and turned to look and the blank expressionless face that confronted Ryo made his blood freeze. There was no look of fond reminiscing, there was no look of relaxation or pleasure to be back in familiar surroundings. Oh, god, Ryo cried out internally, pain tearing at him. I've lost him! The hand that had been so desperately just moments before reaching out for his man now clenched tightly, nails digging into the palm. He would never be able to hold Dee again.

 

Forcing the turmoil in his soul that threatened to overwhelm him down, he gave Dee what he hoped was a welcoming smile, wanting to try and put him at ease but Dee just quickly turned his face away and so he didn't see the single tear that escaped from the corner of Ryo's eye and slid slowly down his face.