Fake Fan Fiction ❯ Three Times A Charm ❯ Chapter 26

Title: Three Times A Charm

Author: JadeHeart

Archived: If anyone would like it, please ask me first!

Fandom: Fake

Rating: NC-17

Warnings: some bad language, sexual thoughts

Timeline: follows on directly from the end of Vol 7

Summary: The doubts continue to grow.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this, they belong to the creator of `FAKE', nor am I making any profits from it.

 

 

Chapter 26

 

 

Dee entered the apartment, hearing Ryo follow behind, carrying his case.

 

He stood there for a moment, looking around. It had been a long time since he had set foot in this place. In fact, it seemed like a whole other lifetime.

 

A wave of nostalgia swept over him as he took it all in. Nothing had changed, not a single thing from the memory of his time here. There was the door leading to the kitchen where he could see the small breakfast table, a small bunch of semi-wilted flowers in a vase set in the centre, no doubt courtesy of Carol. It was there that he had stood and helped Ryo cook. It was there he had eaten many a meal with his partner, surrounded by the noisy din from Bikky and Carol, the constant chattering and bickering amongst the four of them, surrounded by cooking smells, noise and that homey feeling of belonging.

 

The low wooden coffee table in the middle of the sitting room was still the same, the half ring staining one corner a legacy of his own carelessness in not using a coaster as Ryo so often told him too. He had been soundly thumped for causing that mark and had promised faithfully that he would replace the table but that had never eventuated. Not that he had deliberately tried to renege on the debt, but Ryo had eventually brushed it aside, saying with a small smile that it would remind him of Dee when he was alone. He remembered being so stunned at hearing that, at hearing Ryo say out loud something so sweet, and so god-damn sexy. He wasn't even sure if that was exactly how Ryo meant it, or if the other had realized what he had said and how it could be interpreted. It was one of the, oh, so many things that Ryo would say and do that had kept Dee living with hope. Every single one of those moments he would store away, jealously hoard in the deepest portion of his heart to savour lovingly over and over again.

 

The entire lounge room hadn't altered at all. He could clearly picture the many times he and Ryo had spent there, both the good times and the bad. So many nights where they would both be so tired from work, with him generally sprawled on the floor, exhausted, drinking coffee late into the night as they discussed cases and just talked in general. The two of them would spend long hours just talking, something which Dee had found that he craved just as much as he craved to possess Ryo's body. He had been surprised at how easy it had become to speak with Ryo, to open up to the other and let him see small portions of his inner soul. He didn't do that with anyone else, only with Ryo. It had been downright scary at first, and yet exhilarating at the same time, almost a sense of release. It had felt so right to be able to finally find someone he could trust so much that he could open up in that way. He had thought there would never be anyone, other than Mother, to whom he would be able to do that. That was a revelation in itself and was one of the first moments where he had realized that his feelings for Ryo had grown so much deeper than he had ever experienced, and that he wanted so much more with this man than he had ever dreamt of wanting with any other previous partner. That was when he truly knew that he loved Ryo.

 

His eyes strayed to the couch taking up the largest portion of the room. It looked like it was the same, though why he had thought it would have changed he didn't know. Perhaps because he knew that things had changed between he and Ryo that he felt that everything else should have altered as well. Irrational he knew, but that is still how it felt it should be. Nothing should still be the same. He didn't want things to still be the same because it only served to remind him of just how much he had lost.

 

His eyes returned to the couch. He could vividly imagine he and Ryo sitting on it. The times they had talked, touched hands. The times he had kissed Ryo, hot lips, wet tongues, hard hands, bodies pressed hard against each other. That was where he and Ryo had….

 

He cut that thought off quickly, blinking hard against the burning in his eyes. Despite what he was seeing, things had changed, it was not the same. It would never be the same, Ryo's behaviour was evidence enough of that.

 

He remembered how he had felt that first night in hospital, when he had been pulled from the comforting darkness by a strange sensation that he had to be awake. It had been dark and he had been fighting against the painkillers flooding his system attempting to lull him back into healing sleep, but he knew that he wasn't alone. Although there was no sound, no light, he could see the slightly darker shape huddled on the floor by the door and knew that it was his partner. No matter where he was, no matter what situation, he always knew when Ryo was near him. The drugs tugged at his eyelids, trying to force them closed but he hadn't wanted to slip away into that comforting darkness, not when the pain coming from his partner on the other side of the room was so palpable, and matched the ache in his own heart.

 

Ryo had come to him then. He remembered the feel of the hand placed in his, the great relief he had felt at that first touch, that first contact of skin, of flesh against flesh. That small touch had set his whole body on fire, sent his blood racing, his heart beating fast, every sense in his body seemed heightened. And all of it focused solely on the man by his side. His body sang; it literally seemed to sing at having Ryo near again, the feeling of rightness at having him once more at his side. His only thought had been that he never wanted that to change. He had felt that finally, finally the world was right, and that it was all as it was meant to be once more. It was only then, in holding Ryo's hand tightly, that he felt that he could let the darkness carry him away again.

 

When next he had awoken it was to daylight to find Ryo gone. He had at first wondered if he hadn't just dreamt it all but there was clear evidence of his presence. That had relieved him greatly.

 

He wasn't completely surprised that Ryo didn't see him all that day. He didn't know the full story yet but he guessed that Ryo hadn't been around work lately from what JJ had indicated. That meant that he would be in a shit load of trouble from the Chief. So he was concerned about what reception Ryo was going to get back at the station. Being absent without leave wasn't exactly something they looked lightly upon. Reliability was a natural part of this profession. If you weren't considered reliable, you were considered more of a liability. So the Chief wasn't likely to just turn a blind eye to this. Still he was sure that Ryo would be okay. He was too good a detective to get rid of, though he might get bumped down to directing traffic as punishment - which wouldn't be the first time for either of them. Admittedly that had really been his fault most of the time! Anyway, he hoped that's all that would happen to Ryo.

 

Dee was concerned about that unaccounted time of Ryo's as he chewed on his bottom lip, thinking about it. Ryo was so god-damn conscientious that he wouldn't just skip work for no reason. Hell, he'd hardly had a sick day in the past two years and when he did he would always call in. JJ had made it quite clear that Ryo had failed to do that. Ryo hadn't said that anything had happened to the kids which is the only thing that Dee could think of that would perhaps have sent Ryo off unexpectedly, and his worry over them would probably outweigh his thoughts about calling work. But for a few days? No, if there had been something up with the brats Ryo would have defiantly said something and he hadn't so that meant the kids were fine. So what the hell had he been doing?!

 

A niggling fear crawled up from the dark depths of his mind, a fear that had been born by JJ's earlier words about his shooting and the piercing look that the younger man had directed towards Ryo. That little fear may have been small at its inception but now it seemed to have grown, feeding upon his insecurities and worries.

 

What had JJ meant by it all? What had he been implying?! Dee played the conversation over and over in his mind. Despite all that JJ was, he wasn't stupid, and for him to even think of voicing his suspicion meant that he truly believed that there was telling evidence, even if it was circumstantial, that he was close to the mark.

 

Dee felt his heart begin to race as that fear continued to grow, filling his mind. Could Ryo have done something? He wanted to dismiss that thought completely out of hand but unfortunately he couldn't. He knew his partner, he knew Ryo too damn well. He knew that Ryo was good at ferreting things out. He was good at all that research stuff - unlike Dee who hated spending hour upon hour in inactivity just scrolling through screens of data, trying to pick out pieces of information and then putting them all back together. Ryo, though, was good at that sort of thing.

 

Ryo was also damn sneaky about doing it and not letting anyone know. He wasn't the type of guy to tell anyone what he was doing, he would just go ahead and do it if he had decided to. Dee knew that everyone thought that Ryo was all meek and mild, milk and honey, cookies and cream, nothing but a big soft marshmallow inside. In other words, a real push-over. None of them had seen the other side of him, the darker side. Ryo was a man, just like anyone else. He had his own insecurities and his own inner fears and secrets and darkness. He had already once before almost crossed over the line. Dee often wondered that if he hadn't turned up if Ryo would have gone through with it. He knew that Ryo had said that he couldn't pull the trigger but Dee still wondered if, with just one further push, if Ryo wouldn't have done it. Even if he hadn't, and thank god that he hadn't that time, didn't mean that he wasn't capable of doing so - given the right circumstances. Could Dee have been responsible for that? Could this all be his fault?!

 

What would it have been like for Ryo, Dee tried to imagine. What would Ryo have felt when he had first heard that Dee was missing? He would have been shocked, that went without saying, but then what? Dee found that he couldn't think beyond that. He wasn't certain enough of Ryo's feelings for him to even be able to hazard a guess. He knew that Ryo would at least have felt upset at losing his old partner, and perhaps a friend. Would that have been enough to have made him go off the deep end?

 

Dee thought about it some more, his breathing ragged as the fear continued to grow. Ryo probably would have done a bit of digging, he wouldn't have been able to help himself. It's what any of them would do if one of their own was hurt, maybe killed. They looked after their own - and anyone who hurt one of them had better watch out! So sure, Ryo probably would have started searching for information, trying to find some clues even if it wasn't his case. But he could have done that work. That wouldn't have made him disappear for a couple of days.

 

So if Ryo wasn't at work, and felt that he couldn't be at work - just what was he doing? The only reason Ryo wouldn't go to work would be if he knew he was doing something that he shouldn't be. Dee clenched his hands into fists so tightly he felt the nails biting into the skin. Ryo would never go there with a conflict of interest, so that only meant that he was doing something illegal. What? What exactly was Ryo doing?

 

Dee racked his brain desperately searching for answers and the fear grew bigger. What if Ryo had found his shooter? What if Ryo had decided to do something about it? Could Ryo do that? Would Ryo have done that?

 

JJ obviously thought that it was a very good possibility that he had and even Dee was almost convinced now. The timing was all just too….coincidental for it not to be connected. Ryo's disappearance, the shooter being found dead, JJ's inability to get hold of him, all of it was adding up too neatly. As each piece fitted together, the picture it was creating was truly horrifying and Dee just wanted to weep.

 

But what could he do? Ryo hadn't said anything to him, hadn't even acknowledged anything that JJ had said about the incident. Well, it wasn't like he could just blurt out to the two of them that he had just shot a man. Dee might want to protect him and to hell with the consequences, but that would put JJ in a really difficult position. Betray a friend, or betray his oath as a law enforcement officer. Perhaps that is why Ryo hasn't said anything so as not to cause problems for his workmates.

 

And what about Bikky? Dee grasped at that thought like a drowning man does a thrown lifeline. Of course, Bikky, Ryo loved Bikky. Why would Ryo have done anything to cause difficulties for his ward? After all, if Ryo had gone ahead and done what Dee was now so frighteningly certain that he had, what about the brat? Would Ryo have jeopardized his life with the kid? Would he have thrown all that away - just for the sake of revenge? It didn't seem possible, not when Dee knew how much Ryo loved the boy. But, and the fear surged up from its quiescent state with another spurt of growth, Ryo had almost done it before, so why not again?

 

So what now? What was going to happen now? There would be an investigation into the shooter's death, there had to be, it couldn't just be disregarded. The man's death simply lead to a different direction the investigation would have taken if he had still been alive. So where did that leave Ryo?

 

Dee's stomach churned, acid burning up through his esophagus. Would they find out about Ryo? Had he been good enough about hiding his trail? Had he bothered, or even cared, about hiding it? Perhaps he wanted to get caught, to pay for his crime. That would sort of be something he could see Ryo setting up as much as he wanted to scream at the man's stupidity if that is what he had done. Would they realize it was Ryo? How long would it take them to find out?

 

Dee squeezed his eyes closed tightly, feeling tears leak from the corners and run into the hair at his temples. Oh, god, Ryo what have you done?! How could you do this?! Am I going to lose you this time? Are you going to leave me?! Dee just continued to cry as the fear continued to grow, wrapping around him and holding him like a mother holding her child but it leant no comfort except a cold iciness of loss.

 

That first day had dragged then and he had nothing to take his mind from the horrifying thoughts and images that tortured him. The only thing he could cling to for comfort was Ryo's return, as he was certain that he would come back. He knew his partner, knew him probably better than anyone, except perhaps for his aunt and uncle, although he felt that with regards to certain things that perhaps he did know more than even they were aware. So he knew that Ryo would come back to him, on that point he had absolutely no doubts. So that thought sustained him through that long day that was only broken by the waves of pain that would mercifully vanish as the automatic painkiller would trigger its measured dose to keep it at bay.

 

However, the fates conspired against him once more and he got sick. Really sick. He remembered the wave of dizziness. He remembered the raging fever that shook his weakened body. He remember the coughing, gasping, never seeming to be able to get enough oxygen into his starving lungs. He remembered his raw throat that felt like broken glass was sticking in it and the sensation of metal bands constriction is chest, tightening, tightening, threatening to crush him. He remembered the fear, the paralyzing fear of being so totally helpless.

 

He did know that Ryo came back to the hospital. He was aware that he had but it was on a purely instinctual level, not with any real conscious knowledge. He only had very vague memories of the next couple of weeks as the pneumonia ravaged his body, as he thought that he would die from the pain tearing him apart as it felt like his entire body was being turned inside out. The only constant beyond those feelings was a cool pressure that wrapped around his hand.

 

When he had finally become a little more cognitive he had found Ryo by his side, the first thing that he saw when his brain could finally assimilate what his eyes were seeing. He had been delighted at that sigh, but he had quickly realized that it wasn't exactly the welcome that he had been envisioning. Ryo had been pleasant, he had smiled at Dee, he had spoken warmly to him - and he sounded no different than when he greeted the nurses that entered his room. Ryo was treating Dee just as he would another acquaintance - with politeness and general caring, but maintaining that slight distance. It reminded Dee of the first days when they met, as though they were strangers only just meeting. And it broke his heart.

 

He had been stunned at first by this change. What had happened? What had changed? When Ryo had first come to the hospital things had seemed fine, in fact everything had seemed okay once more. Had he truly just imagined that dark night when Ryo had held his hand? What had gone wrong?!

 

He had been so shocked by Ryo's seeming turnabout in feelings that he had been unable even to speak. The fact that he was still recovering didn't help because he could hardly say half a dozen words anyway before he would begin to cough, and most times had to remind himself to speak in a whisper as that seemed to put less of a strain on his aching throat and lungs. He had waited to see if when they were alone Ryo would drop the façade - after all Ryo had always been hesitant to show any such emotion toward Dee in public as he seemed ashamed to do so, but even alone Ryo would just give him that fake smile and Dee couldn't see his eyes light up as they once had when they looked at him.

 

Being around Ryo from that point on was heartbreaking. Dee didn't want the man to go and leave him, but being with him like this was slowly tearing him apart. He remembered what it had felt like when he had been shot. He had thought he was dying. From what the doctors had told him he clinically had `died', and he knew that the only thing he had been thinking about was Ryo. He had ached with the regret that he hadn't done more, that he hadn't told Ryo enough times, or proven to him just how much he loved him. He regretted that he hadn't been more understanding, that he had been so pushy and demanding, and he regretted that he would not be able to make up for any of it. He had thought that he was going to die with nothing but regrets. The fact that he hadn't died, that he was still alive, he thought had meant that he now had a second chance to make things right. When he did die, hopefully many, many years from now, he wanted to be able to do so with no such regrets. That had been the promise he had made to himself.

 

So he had intended on telling Ryo that he had come to a decision. He had intended to just come out and tell Ryo up front that he truly did love him with all his heart, no bullshit. He intended to tell him that he wanted to be with him and make him happy, and wanted to share the rest of his life with him. Then he would see what Ryo would say. Ryo had seemed to be giving him some far more positive signals in those days just prior to his accident. He had seemed far more at ease around Dee and so much more open to physical contact between them, not even blinking about reaching out and touching Dee's face or holding his hand even.

 

That in itself had been a huge change from Dee's perspective and he had been hard pressed not to immediately follow-up on it with his usual gung-ho attitude. But he had held himself in check, afraid of scaring Ryo off once more by being too pushy, even though his heart had been pounding so hard he had thought it was going to crack his ribs. So it had really seemed that Ryo was finally beginning to feel the same way about Dee and their relationship. It had really looked like they were close to truly becoming partners - in all ways.

 

But now…..now the reality Dee was facing was something completely different from what he had thought it would be. Instead of being confronted with Ryo's burgeoning love and hesitant overtures, he had been met by a calm and cool stranger wearing the face of his lover.

 

This, he cried silently, his hand curled into a fist over his aching heart. This was worse than death.

 

Perhaps his near-death experience had had the completely opposite effect on Ryo than it had on him. For him it had opened his eyes to so much, given him a far greater depth of understanding of his own desires, wants, needs and feelings, and a far greater ability to understand more from Ryo's perspective. It had made Dee want to do so much more to rectify his faults and do things better.

 

However, perhaps for Ryo it had made him realize that he really didn't love Dee at all. Perhaps it had made him realize that trying to be in love with a man was just too hard and he didn't want to do that. And perhaps the reason he was here now by Dee's side was nothing more than his sense of obligation and duty to his work partner, not his lover.

 

All these thoughts drove Dee mad, despair fighting against his own longing and needs. When Ryo helped him during the weeks of rehab he mercilessly pushed him on and Dee was grateful to him for his support, as much as he railed at his demands. But when Ryo touched him, especially when he was in the pool, when bare flesh brushed against bare flesh, he still responded to that touch and now knew that Ryo wasn't feeling the same thing - and that casual touch with no feeling behind it would tear him apart.

 

He didn't have very many visitors during those weeks of recovery. Some of it was due to his illness and the doctors had given strict instructions that visitations were to be kept to a minimum at all times to reduce the strain placed on him. Ryo seemed to be the one exception to this rule, but Dee guessed they had to have someone there reasonably regularly and as he didn't have any family it did sort of fall to his work partner.

 

JJ had dropped in briefly a couple of times, usually during his lunch break, and so had Ted and Drake once. Mother had arrived after a couple of weeks and he had chastised her for making the long trip to see him on the subway to which she had smiled calmly at him and simply said that Ryo had been kind enough to give her a lift and was waiting for her call to come and pick her up to take her back to the orphanage. Well, that explained how she had known where he was. Of course Ryo would have told her, Dee wouldn't have expected anything less from his partner. Dee had been a little surprised though that Ryo had brought Mother there that day as he had assumed Ryo was at work, but obviously he had taken time out to make certain that Mother was looked after when she had wanted to see him.

 

“He's such a good boy,” Mother had said serenely, looking at Dee fondly. “He's made certain to call me every day to let me know how are doing which is why I didn't trouble to come in sooner. I felt that my time was better spent in pray for your returning health and with Ryo acting as your guardian angel I knew you were in good hands.”

 

“Have you been okay?” Dee asked. “Are the kids doing all right?” He had worried that he hadn't been able to be round to the orphanage during this time as he usually did.

 

Mother patted his hand gently. “Not to worry. Ryo has been dropping by regularly to check if there is anything we need so you don't need to be concerned about anything except getting better.” She smiled warmly at him. “You are so fortunate to have found each other.”

 

Dee had had to swallow against the lump in his throat at her comment, unable to bring himself to tell her that it all over between he and Ryo. Not when she was looking so happy for them. Luckily he was already so pale and pained looking that she was unlikely to notice his additional distress.

 

His next most welcome visitor had been briefly from his other partner.

 

“So are you still alive?” The voice from the doorway made Dee turn his head to look to see John Patton leaning there with a half smile.

 

He grinned back weakly. “I guess so.” he said. “If I wasn't then I wouldn't hurt this damn much. Or perhaps that is a sign that I am dead.”

 

“If you're dead, you're the liveliest corpse I've had the misfortune of seeing. Besides you're not beginning to smell yet so you can't be dead.”

 

“Well, if I'm dead and this is Heaven I want a refund.”

 

John entered the room and slumped in the chair by the bed, looking around him. “For starters I would complain about the décor,” he said, taking in the sterile surroundings. “You should definitely hire another interior decorator.”

 

“Nah, he should be fired!” Dee responded.

 

“Fired? As in flames? Then perhaps this isn't heaven but the other place.” John's voice dropped at the last into a sinister deep tone.

 

“Then in that case the décor is probably perfect. Looking at this all day is pure torture. It's enough to drive anyone insane!”

 

“In that case you should feel right at home!”

 

Dee gave John the `finger' to which John just smirked back. “You're just saying that because you know I can't fucking reach that far to smack you one!” he snarled.

 

John nodded cheerfully. “Yep! Can't call me stupid.”

 

“Only if we use small words of one syllable so you could understand it!” Dee retorted as a come back.

 

This time it John's turn to give Dee the `finger'.

 

This lighthearted banter was beginning to make Dee feel a little better, for the first time in a long while. It almost reminded him of happier days with Ryo, when they used to laugh together, when he used to take every opportunity to tease his more uptight and straight-laced partner. Yes, those were happier times. Then, with that thought, he was suddenly deeply depressed by those memories.

 

“Hey, if my presence is going to make you barf then I'm leaving now.” John suddenly said.

 

Dee looked over at him and saw he was still smiling but there was a shadow in his eyes that showed that he wasn't completely joking. Dee quickly shook his head, cursing himself for being so unthinking of John's feelings when he had come all this way to see him.

 

“No, look it's fine. I just don't feel that good all the time. It sucks to be sick.”

 

“That'll teach you to duck next time,” John said firmly. “You're not Superman so stop trying to pretend that you are with all this stopping bullets and stuff. You really aren't impressing anyone.”

 

Dee batted his eyes at him. “You mean it didn't make you swoon with maidenly delight?”

 

John scowled at him. “Next time you try and pull a stunt like that I'll shoot you myself. And I'll do a damn better job of it!

 

“You'll have to get in line, I think.” Dee said rolling his eyes. “And Ryo and JJ are far better shots than you.”

 

“Good. Maybe it'll make you think next time.

 

“Hey, it wasn't all my fault,” Dee protested. “You were on that boat too and you know what it was like. We thought it was clear. We were hardly expecting to get in the middle of a gang war!”

 

John sighed. “Yeah, I know.” He grudgingly admitted. “Just don't scare me like that. I didn't know what the hell to do, or if you were going to turn up or what.”

 

“Yeah, sorry.” Dee said sincerely imagining how John must have felt.

 

John flashed him a smile. “It's okay,” he said moving on from those worries, just relieved to have his partner back. “I know that you were finishing up your secondment and eager to get back to your old turf but it's a bit of an extreme measure to take to skip the last couple of day, don't you think?”

 

Dee felt his smile fade a little at the memory of how happy and eager he had been to return to the 28th, to return to Ryo's side. “Yeah, well, maybe I just wanted an extra rest,” he said a little weakly.

 

John laughed at that, not noticing this time Dee's downcast expression.

 

“Hey,” Dee then said, picking at the covers randomly. “How much longer are you going to be shorthanded?” he asked.

 

John looked a little surprised. “What? At the 22nd?”

 

“Yeah, have they got anything organized soon?”

 

John shook his head. “Not that I know of. They're still trying to get the positions filled. At least two will be within the next week but we'll still be down in detectives.”

 

“Hmm,” Dee mused for a moment.

 

John eyed him carefully, a little puzzled. “Don't tell me you're thinking of coming back?”

 

“Well, I really don't like the idea of leaving you shorthanded,” Dee said in his defense. “I didn't mind working there. It's a good bunch of people and it's not like the 28th doesn't have enough people to cover for me. They've managed to do so up till now.”

 

“I thought you needed to get back?” John said curiously. “You've got a partner waiting for you, haven't you?”

 

“Yeah, well,” Dee mumbled a little. “He's okay working with others on the team. He doesn't really need me there.”

 

“But,” John stopped. He didn't know how to continue with what he was thinking. Something was up with Dee but he didn't quite know what. He had been positive that right up till the shooting Dee was eager to return to his unacknowledged lover, despite his sincere liking for the staff at the 22nd.

 

Now, hearing Dee speaking as though he intended to forgo his return to his old precinct and return to the 22nd made John wonder what had happened since then. Not that he wouldn't be happy to have Dee come back as his partner, they had worked well together over the last few months, but he truly wondered if he would be happy to have him come back if the only reason he was there was to try and run away from something in his past. Still, despite his misgivings and curiousity, he didn't feel that it was his place to enquire any further so he left it there.

 

“Anyway,” He changed his line of speech. “Things are pretty quiet now. Oh, and Sandra was beside herself when you were missing. She wanted to know where you were so she could come down and look after you. She even put in for leave so she could do so.”

 

Dee looked truly alarmed at that. “You didn't tell her, did you?”

 

John shook his head, smiling. “Nah, don't have a coronary. I just told her that it was only family that could see you and no one else. I lied and said that I couldn't either.”

 

Dee let out a deep sigh. “Thank goodness for that. Don't get me wrong Sandra's a nice girl and all but I don't want her getting the wrong idea, and I certainly don't want her here!”

 

“I didn't think that you did.” John said, smirking. “So have you got someone stopping by to mop your feverish brow and all that stuff?”

 

“Very funny,” Dee replied completely deadpan.

 

John just laughed at him. “No, seriously, you got anyone helping out?”

 

“Yeah, Ryo's here most of the time, in between work.” Dee looked at the clock by the bed, noting the time. “If you stick around a bit you'll probably meet him.”

 

John glanced at his watch and shook his head regretfully. “Sorry, but I've got to head off.” He beamed widely at Dee, an expression of pure delight on his face. “It's my daughter's birthday and I promised to pick up the cake on the way home.”

 

“Save a piece for me.” Dee pleaded.

 

John shook his head. “I don't think I could mush it up enough to put it through that.” he said, pointing at the drip connected to Dee's arm.

 

“I can eat solids now!” Dee protested. “Please? Just a little bit? This hospital food is killing me!”

 

John shook his head once more as he stood and headed for the door. “Sorry, I can tell you now that there's not going to be anything left after eight kids are done with it, so just give up on the thought now. Anyway, see you later. And don't go chasing any nurses!”

 

Dee gave a half-hearted wave back, as he replied with a slight grimace. “I wouldn't be able to catch them at this stage. The only person who gets close enough for me to actually grab is usually Ryo.”

 

“Well, that can't be all bad surely!”, was John's parting comment as he left.

 

You have no idea, Dee thought on John's last comment. At one time it wouldn't have been all bad at all. At one time he would have been trying to grab his partner and pull him down on the bed or into a kiss, no matter how ill he was or in how much pain. At one time, being that close and intimate with Ryo was the only thing that mattered to him. Now, being in that close a proximity to Ryo only caused him more pain because he couldn't act on his feelings.

 

Now he had nothing left